Shows / In The Messy Relationship Podcast
In The Messy Relationship Podcast
Jan, a registered psychotherapist, from janettechu.ca reveals the power of Emotionally-Focused Therapy and Internal Family Systems so you can strengthen bonds with your partner, navigate the challenges of intimacy with courage and authenticity, and rediscover the profound joy of intimate connection. Discover how you can create a relationship from the ground up that you love so that you can feel loved, safe, and secure. Janette has been supporting countless couples through the messy parts of…
Episodes
In The Messy Relationship PodcastHow to Deal With a Distant Partner | Anxious-Avoidant Attachment
In Episode 64 of In The Messy, Jan explores what happens when one partner seeks closeness while the other withdraws. Whether you're the person who needs space…
In The Messy Relationship PodcastWhy Can't I Believe They Love Me? | Anxious Attachment
In Episode 63 of In The Messy, Jan explores why receiving love and reassurance can feel uncomfortable, how past criticism and painful experiences may shape…
In The Messy Relationship PodcastWhy Do I Feel Forgotten When My Partner Is Away? | Anxious Attachment
In Episode 62 of In The Messy, Jan explores why distance can feel like disconnection, how early experiences may shape your need for reassurance, and why you…
In The Messy Relationship PodcastHow to Stop Overthinking Texts | Anxious Attachment & Fear of Rejection
In Episode 61 of In The Messy, Jan explores why we overthink texts, how past relationship experiences can influence our reactions, and why repeatedly checking…
In The Messy Relationship PodcastWill My Partner Leave Me? | Fear of Abandonment
Will your partner leave you eventually? If you're constantly looking for signs of rejection, worrying when your partner needs space, or wondering whether…
In The Messy Relationship PodcastHow to Communicate Your Needs | Anxious Attachment
Why is it so hard to communicate your needs in a relationship? If you're afraid of rejection, conflict, or being seen as too needy, you might stay silent…
In The Messy Relationship PodcastWhy Long-Distance Relationships Feel So Hard | Anxious Attachment & Loneliness
Why do you feel lonely in a long-distance relationship, even when you love your partner? Waiting for texts, missing time together, and struggling with…
In The Messy Relationship PodcastWhy Do I Want a Relationship but Also Want to Be Single? | Relationship Anxiety
Why do you want a relationship when you're single, but miss being single once you're in one? In Episode 57 of In The Messy, Jan explores relationship anxiety…
In The Messy Relationship PodcastDo I Have Anxious Attachment? | Signs of Anxious Attachment
Do you have anxious attachment, or are you just experiencing relationship anxiety? In Episode 56 of In The Messy, Jan explores anxious attachment, relationship…
In The Messy Relationship PodcastWhy You Want Love but Push It Away | Fearful-Avoidant Attachment
Why do you crave closeness but push it away when you finally receive it? In Episode 55 of In The Messy, Jan explores fearful-avoidant (disorganized) attachment…
In The Messy Relationship PodcastWhy Am I So Afraid of Being Alone? | Anxious Attachment & Loneliness
Why are you so afraid of being alone? You can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely, unseen, or like you’re the only person who doesn’t belong. In…
In The Messy Relationship PodcastHow to Know Your Anxious Attachment Is Healing | 8 Signs of Progress
Are you still experiencing anxiety and wondering if you’re actually healing? In this episode of In The Messy, Jan explores the signs of healing from anxious…
In The Messy Relationship PodcastCan I Actually Become Secure? | Anxious Attachment Healing
Can anxious attachment really change? If you've done the therapy, read the books, and understand your triggers but still get anxious, you're not failing. In…
In The Messy Relationship PodcastRelationship Anxiety | Are You Reacting to the Present or an Old Wound?
Why can one delayed text, a change in tone, or a disagreement suddenly make you feel like your entire relationship is falling apart? Your partner takes longer…
In The Messy Relationship PodcastRelationship Anxiety: How to Find Security in Uncertainty
Relationship anxiety can follow you through every stage of love—from being single, to dating, to building a committed relationship. It can make frightening…
In The Messy Relationship PodcastWhy Do I Need Constant Reassurance?
Why do you still need reassurance even when someone tells you they love you? In Episode 49 of In The Messy, Jan explores reassurance seeking, anxious…
In The Messy Relationship PodcastHe Won’t Commit to Me, but I Can’t Let Go of Hope
You may be stuck in a situationship where the connection feels intense, the chemistry is strong, and the good moments make you believe commitment could be just…
In The Messy Relationship PodcastPeople-Pleasing | Why Insecure People Do It And What To Do About It
In Episode 47 of In The Messy, Jan explores what happens when people-pleasing becomes an entire way of relating to others. Through the lens of insecure…
In The Messy Relationship PodcastHow Come Everyone’s Relationship Is Perfect and Mine Isn’t?
Have you ever looked at someone else’s relationship on Instagram and suddenly wondered, “Why doesn’t my relationship look like that?” Jan explores relationship…
In The Messy Relationship PodcastCherish the People You Love Before It’s Too Late | Gratitude, Love & Secure Attachment
In Episode 45 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan reflects on gratitude, love, relationships, loss, and the importance of telling people what they mean to you while…
In The Messy Relationship PodcastHow to Journal for Anxiety: The SLOW Journaling Method
Have you ever been told to “just calm down” when your mind is spiraling and your body feels like something needs to be fixed right now? In this episode of In…
In The Messy Relationship PodcastHow to Rebuild Trust After Cheating
What if you were the one who cheated? In Episode 43 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan explores cheating, anxious attachment, guilt, shame, betrayal, and…
In The Messy Relationship PodcastFear of Cheating: Anxiety, Trust & Self-Trust
In Episode 42 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan explores cheating anxiety, anxious attachment, trust, intuition, and self-trust. She breaks down how to distinguish…
In The Messy Relationship PodcastWhy You Want Your Ex Back After a Breakup
Why do you want your ex back even when you know the relationship wasn't right for you? In Episode 41 of In The Messy, Jan explores why breakups can trigger…
In The Messy Relationship PodcastWhen Someone You Love Fails You | Grief, Broken Trust & Healing
In this episode of In The Messy, Jan explores the kind of grief that often goes unseen—the grief that comes when someone you love is still alive, but the…
In The Messy Relationship PodcastHow to Heal Anxious Attachment | Why You're Still Triggered
In this deeply personal episode, registered psychotherapist Jan explores why healing anxious attachment isn't about becoming perfect or never getting triggered…
In The Messy Relationship PodcastThe 5 Regrets You'll Wish You Avoided: Healing Anxious Attachment
In this episode of In the Messy, Jan explores the powerful lessons from The Top Five Regrets of the Dying by Bronnie Ware through the lens of anxious…
In The Messy Relationship PodcastWhy Your Anxious Attachment Gets Triggered
In this episode of In The Messy Podcast, registered psychotherapist Jan explains why anxious attachment gets triggered, what feeling memories are, and how your…
In The Messy Relationship PodcastFrom Insecure to Secure: What Actually Creates Healthy Relationships
If you've ever wondered which attachment style is the hardest to date, which attachment style takes the longest to move on, or whether certain attachment…
- In The Messy Relationship Podcast
Secure Love vs. Attachment Wounds: How to Choose Better Relationships
Secure love isn't about finding a perfect person. It's about learning to recognize emotional safety, consistency, accountability, and mutual care—and choosing…
- In The Messy Relationship Podcast
The Father Wound: Breaking Free from Old Relationship Patterns
If you grew up with a father, grandfather, teacher, or male caregiver who was inconsistent, emotionally distant, critical, unavailable, or unpredictable, you…
In The Messy Relationship PodcastStop Arguing About the Details: How to Find the Real Issue in Conflict
When emotions run high, our brains naturally focus on the surface details of conflict. We become fixated on criticism, defensiveness, silence, facial…
In The Messy Relationship PodcastReligious Trauma Through the Lens of Attachment Theory
In this episode of In The Messy Podcast, Jan explores religious trauma through the lens of attachment theory, nervous system safety, shame, belonging, and the…
In The Messy Relationship PodcastBreakups, Grief & Anxious Attachment: How to Heal Without Losing Yourself
In Episode 31 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan explores the painful reality of breakups, heartbreak, grief, and anxious attachment—especially when love still…
In The Messy Relationship PodcastMother’s Day, Anxious Attachment & the Need to Earn Love | Healing the Mother Wound
In Episode 30 of In The Messy Podcast explores the painful connection between anxious attachment, people-pleasing, and emotionally unavailable…
In The Messy Relationship PodcastDay 7: Expressing Needs As Your Secure Self
In Episode 29 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan walks you through Day 7 of the Secure Self Workbook for anxious attachment, focusing on how to express your needs…
In The Messy Relationship PodcastDay 6: Practicing Secure Attachment in Real Life
In Episode 28 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan (registered psychotherapist) guides you through Day 6 of the Secure Self Workbook for anxious attachment, focusing…
In The Messy Relationship PodcastDay 5: Becoming Your Secure Self
In Episode 27 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan guides you through Day 5 of the Secure Self Workbook for anxious attachment, focusing on how to build and practice a…
In The Messy Relationship PodcastDay 4: Rewriting Core Beliefs About Love and Worth
Do you secretly feel like you’re too much… or not enough in relationships? In Episode 26 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan breaks down how anxious attachment is…
In The Messy Relationship PodcastDay 3: Identifying Deep Needs And Pain Cycles
In Episode 25 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan (registered psychotherapist) walks you through Day 3 of the Secure Self Workbook for anxious attachment. Learn how…
In The Messy Relationship PodcastDay 2: Regulating Before Relating
In this episode, Jan walks you through Day 2 of the Secure Self Workbook, focusing on a powerful shift: regulation before communication. If you struggle with…
In The Messy Relationship PodcastDay 1: Understanding Anxious Attachment
Do you overthink conversations, avoid conflict, or constantly wonder if you’re “too much”? In Episode 23 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan walks you through Day 1…
In The Messy Relationship PodcastHow Can I Be The Best Partner with Anxious Attachment
Do you constantly wonder if you’re doing enough in your relationship? Do you feel responsible for managing your partner’s emotions so the relationship stays…
In The Messy Relationship PodcastWhen Ghosting Feels Like Abandonment: Calming the Spiral After Rejection
Being ghosted doesn’t just hurt — it can feel devastating, especially for those with anxious attachment. In Episode 21 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan explains…
In The Messy Relationship PodcastAnxious Attachment & One-Sided Friendships: When You’re the One Holding It Together
Are you the one who always reaches out first? The one who keeps the friendship alive, fixes the mood, and carries the emotional weight of the relationship? In…
In The Messy Relationship PodcastWhen Trust Is Broken: Anxious Attachment & Relationship Hurt
What happens when you finally trust someone… and they hurt you? In Episode 19, Jan explores how anxious attachment amplifies relationship pain and why betrayal…
In The Messy Relationship PodcastWhy Healthy Love Feels Scary
Anxiety can show up loudly in relationships even when nothing is technically wrong. In Episode 18 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan explores how to tell when…
In The Messy Relationship PodcastHealing Anxious Attachment After a Breakup
If you’ve recently gone through a breakup, been cheated on, or made the painful decision to walk away from a relationship, and your anxiety feels louder than…
In The Messy Relationship PodcastAnxious Attachment & Values-Based Decisions
If you have an anxious attachment style, decision-making can feel overwhelming. In this episode, Jan explores how to make values-based choices, stop…
In The Messy Relationship PodcastDeciding Under Anxiety: Intuition vs Urgency
In Episode 15 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan explains why anxiety makes decision-making feel urgent, how anxious attachment skews choices, and how to distinguish…
In The Messy Relationship PodcastHealing Anxious Attachment from the Inside Out
If you struggle with anxious attachment, fear of abandonment, or emotional spirals in relationships, this episode is for you. In Episode 14 of In The Messy…
In The Messy Relationship PodcastFeeling Behind in Life: Running Out of Time
In this episode, host Jan, a registered psychotherapist in Ontario, explores the deeply familiar fear of “running out of time.” Whether it’s relationships…
In The Messy Relationship PodcastExercise: Calm Your Anxious Mind
In this episode of In The Messy Podcast, psychotherapist Jan leads you through a calming grounding exercise to help ease anxious attachment and settle your…
In The Messy Relationship PodcastFinding Freedom from Fear
In this episode of In The Messy Podcast, psychotherapist Jan opens up about one of her biggest friendship failures and explores why facing our fears is so…
In The Messy Relationship PodcastUnderstanding Anxiety's Hidden Story and Fear
In this episode, we dive into the roots of anxiety—where it comes from, why it sticks, and how your brain keeps old fear stories alive. Through personal…
In The Messy Relationship PodcastManaging Anxiety Triggers with Mindfulness
In this episode, we explore what happens when anxiety takes over after being triggered. Through a client’s real-life story, you’ll learn why anxiety is a…
In The Messy Relationship PodcastAnxious Attachment: Understanding and Managing Anxiety
In this episode, we dive into anxious attachment—what it is, how it develops, and the patterns that keep it alive. Through relatable stories, research-based…
In The Messy Relationship PodcastHow to Understand Your Disorganized Attachment Style
In this episode, we unpack the truth about disorganized attachment—what it really means, how it forms, and how healing is possible. Through honest reflection…
In The Messy Relationship PodcastFinding Your Relationship Vision
In this episode, we explore three powerful steps to create your “normal but perfect” life and relationship. Through vision setting, intentional…
In The Messy Relationship PodcastHow to Understand Your Relationship Cycle
Today we have a special guest, Caleb Tse, a Registered Psychotherapist to help us understand how we get triggered into "demon dialogues"—otherwise known as…