Shows / The Messy Middle Podcast
The Messy Middle Podcast
The podcast for women navigating the raw, confusing, lonely aftermath of narcissistic abuse and emotional control.
I'm Erika Leon, trauma-informed Abuse Recovery coach, mom of five, and creator of the Six Keys to Unfu*kwithable.
I have walked thousands of women through the part after the leaving where the adrenaline fades, the grief hits, and the world really wants you to just move on.
If you are picking up the pieces, questioning everything, and trying to remember who the fuck you were before…
Episodes
- The Messy Middle Podcast
44 | You Don't Owe Your Suffering A Success Story
In this episode, I’m talking about something I think survivors are asked to do far too often: turn their suffering into something meaningful. We’re told to…
- The Messy Middle Podcast
43 | What If You Don't Want To Be The Bigger Person
“Be the bigger person.” “Take the high road.” “Don’t be bitter.” “Think of the children.” Sometimes these phrases are genuinely useful. Sometimes they’re…
- The Messy Middle Podcast
42 | When Your Crisis Creates An Invisible Contract
Sometimes the people who help us through our hardest seasons become incredibly important to us. They show up when we're falling apart, listen to the same story…
- The Messy Middle Podcast
41 | Learning to Love What's Missing
Have you ever finally gotten some peace and somehow felt... weird about it? After living through criticism, control, emotional volatility, or constantly having…
- The Messy Middle Podcast
40 | The Day You Realize You Aren't Waiting Anymore
There’s a stage of recovery I don’t think we talk about enough. It’s not the leaving. It’s not the boundaries. It’s not understanding what happened or learning…
- The Messy Middle Podcast
39 | When You Don't Recognize Yourself Anymore
“I don’t know who I am anymore.” It’s something I hear from women all the time after leaving a relationship - especially after years of narcissistic abuse…
- The Messy Middle Podcast
38 | The Addiction to Self-Improvement After Emotional Abuse
What if your self-improvement journey has quietly become another way of telling yourself you’re not enough? I’ve noticed how easy it is to turn healing and…
- The Messy Middle Podcast
37 | Stop Earning Love: Redefine Your Worth
What if you've spent years trying to become the version of yourself you think is easiest to love? I think a lot of women would say they don't believe love has…
- The Messy Middle Podcast
36 | Why Rest Feels Wrong, Even When You're Exhausted...
Have you ever finally sat down… only to get back up again 30 seconds later? Why does rest feel wrong when you're completely fucking exhausted? And even when…
- The Messy Middle Podcast
35 | Why Do You Replay Conversations in Your Head?
Why do you replay conversations in your head long after they’re over? You know the drill. Three days later, you’re in the shower, driving, folding laundry or…
- The Messy Middle Podcast
34 | Why Small Decisions Feel So Overwhelming After Narcissistic Abuse
Have you ever spent more time choosing a coffee, a shampoo, or a paint color than you did making one of the biggest decisions of your life? If you've left a…
- The Messy Middle Podcast
33 | The Urge to Explain Yourself (Even When You Don't Need To)
Have you ever noticed how saying a simple "No, I can't make it" somehow turns into a five-minute explanation? You start listing your schedule, apologizing…
- The Messy Middle Podcast
32 | When Healing Becomes Another Place To Hide
Can healing ever become a way of avoiding life? It sounds like a strange question... but if you've been reading all the books, listening to every podcast…
- The Messy Middle Podcast
31 | The Guilt of Being Happy Again After Narcissistic Abuse
Have you ever caught yourself laughing, enjoying a peaceful day, or realizing you hadn't thought about your ex for hours... only to be hit by an unexpected…
- The Messy Middle Podcast
30 | Why You Can't Just "Let It Go" - Let's Talk About Anger
You escaped the relationship. You survived the chaos. So why are you suddenly so angry? If you've found yourself feeling unexpectedly furious months or even…
- The Messy Middle Podcast
29 | Why Healing After Abuse Takes Longer Than You Think
How long should healing take after narcissistic abuse? What if you're still thinking about it years later? If you've ever caught yourself thinking, "I should…
- The Messy Middle Podcast
28 | Why You Feel Behind in Life After Narcissistic Abuse
Do you ever look around and feel like everyone else got the life you were supposed to have? The stable relationship. The career. The home. The confidence. The…
- The Messy Middle Podcast
27 | Why Healing Doesn't Feel the Way You Expected
Have you ever caught yourself thinking, "I seem okay on the outside... but inside I'm still struggling"? After narcissistic abuse, emotional control, betrayal…
- The Messy Middle Podcast
26 | The 'Was it really that bad?" Thought Spiral..
One of the most confusing parts of recovery after narcissistic abuse or coercive control is the moment you catch yourself wondering: "Was it really that bad?"…
- The Messy Middle Podcast
25 | Dating as a Practice Ground for Self-Trust
Dating after narcissistic abuse or coercive control can feel less like excitement… and more like a full-blown survival exam. In this episode, I’m talking about…
- The Messy Middle Podcast
24 | The “Oh Hell No” Phase of Healing: When All You See are Red Flags
After narcissistic abuse or coercive control, there’s a phase nobody really talks about enough: the moment you go from missing red flags… to seeing them…
- The Messy Middle Podcast
23 | Dating After Abuse: Slower, Safer Sparks
If the idea of dating again still makes you feel physically ill, this episode is not for you yet, and that is completely okay. But if you have got to the point…
- The Messy Middle Podcast
22 | Financial Fear After Narcissistic Abuse: What Nobody Talks About
Financial Fear After Narcissistic Abuse: What Nobody Talks About There is a moment that hits almost every woman after she leaves. Sometimes it is not right…
- The Messy Middle Podcast
21 | The Quiet Grief of "Wasted Years"
In this episode, I’m talking about something that almost every woman I’ve ever worked with eventually hits: the quiet grief of “wasted years.” It’s that heavy…
- The Messy Middle Podcast
20 | Rebuilding Self-Trust After Manipulation & Abuse
If you've ever walked away from a controlling or abusive relationship and found yourself completely frozen over the smallest decisions — what to wear, whether…
- The Messy Middle Podcast
19 | Why You´ll Lose Your Friends After Leaving High-Control Relationship
No one prepares you for this part. You think leaving the relationship will be the hardest thing… until your world starts getting smaller in ways you didn’t…
- The Messy Middle Podcast
18 | "I'll Never Need Anyone Again" Hyper Independence Phase
“I’ll never need anyone again.” If you’ve said this (out loud or quietly to yourself) after coercive control, betrayal, divorce, or going no contact… this…
- The Messy Middle Podcast
17 | Why Peace Feels Boring After Narcissistic Abuse
You finally got out. The chaos has stopped. So why does peace feel flat? Restless? Almost… boring? In this episode of The Messy Middle, I’m talking about…
- The Messy Middle Podcast
16 | Who Am I Without Him? Journey Back to Yourself
Who am I when I’m not managing someone else’s moods? Who am I when I’m not bracing for the explosion, calculating the cost of my resistance, or shrinking…
- The Messy Middle Podcast
15 | When Doctors Dismiss You: Medical Gaslighting Explained
What happens when you’ve been gaslit in your relationship… and then gaslit again by the medical system? In this episode of The Messy Middle, I respond to a…
- The Messy Middle Podcast
14 | You Were Never Crazy - Your Body Always Knew the Truth
What happens when your body knows the truth before your mind is ready to admit it? In this deeply personal episode of The Messy Middle, I reflect on a powerful…
- The Messy Middle Podcast
13 | You Don't Have to Forgive Your Abuser to Heal
In this episode, I’m responding to listener messages that came in after the Inner Child ep, including one powerful moment that stopped me in my tracks. A…
- The Messy Middle Podcast
12 | Abuse Dynamics Education: Power and Control
In this final episode of The Messy Middle Six Keys series, we’re closing with the key that changes everything: Abuse Dynamics Education. If you’ve ever…
- The Messy Middle Podcast
11 | Somatics & Energetics: Why You Can’t Logic Your Way Out of Trauma
If you’ve ever wondered why boundaries feel impossible, why you keep going back, or why your body reacts before your mind can catch up, I made this episode for…
- The Messy Middle Podcast
10 | Boundaries That Work After Abuse: From Body to Self
Let’s talk about boundaries. The real kind. Not the affirmations you repeat in the mirror and then immediately override when someone pushes. I mean lived…
- The Messy Middle Podcast
09 | Intuition: Reclaiming Your Inner Knowing After Narcissistic Abuse
In this episode of The Messy Middle, I’m diving into intuition and why so many of us learned not to trust it, fear it, or shut it down completely. If you’ve…
- The Messy Middle Podcast
08 | Toxic Cycle-Breaking: From Generational Hurt to Generational Healing
This episode is personal. It’s a little dark, a little tender, and honestly one of the more vulnerable things I have put 'out there'. TRIGGER WARNING - In this…
- The Messy Middle Podcast
07 | Exposing the Inner Critic: A Healing Dialogue
If you’ve ever heard that vicious little voice in your head whispering things like you’re not smart enough, you always mess everything up, everyone’s laughing…
- The Messy Middle Podcast
06 | Inner Child Awakening: The Unfu*kwithable Path
In this raw and unfiltered episode of The Messy Middle, I’m pulling back the curtain on one of the most defining moments of my healing journey and why Inner…
- The Messy Middle Podcast
05 | Will This Always Happen to Me? Narcissistic Relationship Patterns
In this episode of The Messy Middle, I’m diving into the question I get asked with equal parts fear, dread, and heartbreak: Will this always happen to me? If…
- The Messy Middle Podcast
04 | Why Did I Stay So Long in Toxic Relationships?
If you’ve ever asked yourself, “Why did I stay so long?” after an abusive or controlling relationship — this one’s for you. In this raw, unfiltered episode, we…
- The Messy Middle Podcast
02 | The Most Asked Questions by Narcissistic Abuse Survivors
In these first three episodes, I’m tackling the three questions I’ve been asked more than anything else. After almost a decade and a half in practice and well…
- The Messy Middle Podcast
03 | How Did I Not See It? The Real Reason You Missed the Red Flags
In this episode of The Messy Middle, we tackle one of the biggest, most painful questions almost every survivor of narcissistic or emotionally abusive…
- The Messy Middle Podcast
01 | Introducing The Messy Middle Podcast: Rising After Narcissistic Abuse
Welcome to The Messy Middle — the podcast for women finding their way through the raw, confusing, and often lonely aftermath of narcissistic and emotional…