Shows / Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in Recovery
Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in Recovery
Bill Wilson, co-founder of Alcoholic's Anonymous, wrote in 1952, "If we examine every disturbance we have, great or small, we will find at the root some unhealthy dependence and its consequent demand." Wilson suggested that if we could identify and continually surrender these unrealistic and unrecognizable demands, that we may then be able to accomplish what he imagined to be recovery's next frontier - something he called emotional sobriety. Flash forward 70 years, and join psychotherapists and…
Episodes
Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in RecoveryThe Effect of Emotional Sobriety on Our Communication
Thom’s Nutshell: Sit, breathe, focus on personal imperfections. Characteristic defects are simply characteristics. Make a list of so-called defects. Express…
Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in RecoveryThe Effect of Emotional Dependency on Our Communication
Thom’s Nutshell: Perfectionism and Procrastination are old friends – they go way back. What is emotional dependency? What does that look like, and how can it…
Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in RecoveryThe Unicycle Committee with Richard Rohr
Thom’s Nutshell: Emotional Sobriety is like riding a unicycle. Allen shares some special interactions he had with Father Richard Rohr, and Thom returns to the…
Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in RecoveryDon’t Let Anyone Edit Your Reality
Thom’s Nutshell: Be realistic about rejection. Don’t take things personally! Staying in equanimity, being less reactive are some primary goals of emotional…
Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in RecoveryResponsibility Over Blame
Thom’s Nutshell: Serious condition: I’ll be okay as soon as that thing that happened to me didn’t happen to me. There’s a difference between blame and…
Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in Recovery“Waking Up Is a Process” with Daniel Fulop-Furlano
Thom’s Nutshell: "Self-denial results in dependence. Self-acceptance creates independence." Waking up is a process, not an event. A road back to our true lost…
Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in RecoveryLearning to Live and Love Differently
Thom’s Nutshell: "Are you solving the problems you want to solve, or the problems you think you are supposed to solve?" With emotional sobriety comes a…
Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in RecoveryLiving in the Pause
Thom’s Nutshell: Challenge your low self esteem and surprise yourself (I did). Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which was developed in the 60’s by Aaron…
Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in RecoveryResponsibility “To” Others, Not “For” Them
Thom’s Nutshell: Don’t make the mistake of thinking you have no impact in this world of ours. You do. Whether from a pebble or a giant rock, we’re all leaving…
Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in RecoveryCan We Be Actively Indifferent?
Thom’s Nutshell: The ability to speak several languages is an asset, but the ability to keep your mouth shut in any language is priceless. Seeking truth…
Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in RecoveryDemands Versus Preferences
Thom’s Nutshell: If you measure your well being according to how others treat you, you are choosing a life over which you have no control. This is voluntary…
Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in RecoveryPositive Opportunism & Benevolent Manipulation
Thom’s Nutshell: Look for the benefit in all situations - practice positive opportunism. In another passage from Joe C.’s Beyond Belief, Allen ties our daily…
Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in RecoveryOut of the Hurt Locker
Thom’s Nutshell: We all have opinions. We all prefer certain outcomes. But attaching expectations to them is a choice. Disappointed? Upset? Devastated? Check…
Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in RecoveryLet It Be (With Joe C.)
Thom’s Nutshell: Rather than praying for circumstances to change, pray for the strength and wisdom to face those circumstances. “This shouldn’t be happening!”…
Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in RecoveryThe Five Points of Balance, Part Two
Thom’s Nutshell: Ignoring our own dark potential only makes it stronger. Avoid washing dishes and there are not only more of them, they are also harder to…
Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in RecoveryThe Five Points of Balance, Part One
Thom’s Nutshell: “The promise of perfection is a red herring. Don't be distracted from your pursuit of learning and improving.” Patrick celebrates eight years…
Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in RecoveryIt’s Not About Just Waking Up, It’s About Growing Up
Thom’s Nutshell: “Recipe for peace of mind: KNOW what you believe. KNOW what is important. KNOW what is within your control. LIVE congruently with what you…
Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in RecoveryMade a Searching & Fearless Moral Inventory (Of Someone Else)
Thom’s Nutshell: Step 16: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of someone else. I can’t say I wasn’t warned. They told me to stop at 12. “Taking…
Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in RecoveryWe Are More Capable Than We Realize
Thom’s Nutshell: "Live this moment as if you chose it. Might as well. And maybe you did." Give yourself permission to doubt. Give yourself permission to…
Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in Recovery“My Brain Would Kill Me if It Didn’t Need the Transportation”
Thom’s Nutshell: “So much energy we spend wishing things to be different.There are always better uses of our time.” Anxiety is consistent, persistent and…
Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in RecoveryDon't Stop Before You Even Start!
Thom’s Nutshell: “When you want something, do you begin with a commitment to make it happen or a list of reasons that it probably won't?" The mighty Carol…
Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in RecoveryDisappointments Are Not Obstacles
Thom’s Nutshell: “Life is a wonderful blessing, with many great disappointments. Can you see disappointment as a gift?” In emotional sobriety, we attempt to…
Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in RecoveryAnger is Just Another Feeling
Thom’s Nutshell: One of emotional sobriety's greatest challenges is for us to understand and accept our contribution to our own distress without becoming…
Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in RecoveryMoving Forward After Relapse, Part Two
Thom’s Nutshell: Rigorous honesty begins at home. Joe C. joins us to discuss the ways relapse is experienced by the loved ones of the relapser, and how we can…
Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in RecoveryMoving Forward After Relapse, Part One
Thom’s Nutshell: “You cannot work both sides of the serenity prayer. Choose. Commit.” Emotional sobriety is about moving forward. The key to unlocking long…
Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in RecoveryAdjustments at Close Range
Thom’s Nutshell Wisdom: “Practice conversations to convey rather than convince.” Healthy Conversation is “present-centered.” In a healthy conversation, we…
Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in Recovery“The Power of Gentle Presence” with John Amodeo
Former guest and longtime friend John Amodeo joins Allen and Thom to advocate “gentle presence” 9 making ourselves available to the full range of what we’re…
Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in RecoveryWhitehat Addictions
Thom checks back in after a long period of freezing weather and system crash in Tennessee, Allen gets honest after recent familial struggles. What makes it…
Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in RecoveryExcavating Your Lost Self
Thom’s Nutshell: "How much of what you believe do you really believe?" Allen and Patrick review a recent Slate article about Emotional Sobriety and push back…
Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in Recovery"Focus Mokus" with Joe C.
On clarity, which comes with emotional sobriety: an antidote to impulsivity, rumination, indecision and procrastination. Thom’s nutshell wisdom: Your ego has…
- Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in Recovery
Personal Agency in Emotional Sobriety
"I didn't have a choice." You're selling yourself short. Or you mean, the choice seemed obvious to you. But still, you made the choice. Or - you are making an…
Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in RecoveryTout Est Possible
Today’s Nutshell Wisdom: The big difference between passing judgment and exercising judgment: One focuses attention on something I do not control. The other…
Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in RecoveryResilience Myths
Joe C. quotes Joseph Campbell: “We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” Thom’s nutshell for…
Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in RecoverySelf-Supporting Holiday
For this week’s nutshell, prioritizing comfort will eventually make us very uncomfortable. We talk amends and pull some wisdom from Arthur Schopenhaur (via Joe…
Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in Recovery“God Doesn’t Flunk Anyone, but He Gives a Lot of Re-Tests”
On learning from our mistakes. Whether or not the mistake results in an immediate change in our behavior, learning is always taking place if we can get out of…
Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in RecoveryHolidays Aren’t So Bad! (Unless You Get Kicked by a Horse)
Nutshell of the Day: “Even introverts need connection and support. Solitude is vital. Isolation is deadly.” On the eve of Joe C.’s sober birthday, he drops by…
- Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in Recovery
Your Family Is Your Alma Mater
Carol Carter returns to the show as we try a more focused format and talk change, not taking things personally, and understanding our capacity to accomplish…
- Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in Recovery
"You’re the One You’ve Been Waiting For" with Melanie Gulde
Melanie Gulde returns to the podcast to talk with Allen and Thom about the progress and promise of Divided Sky in Vermont, which isn’t a rehab but a…
- Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in Recovery
Codependency and Emotional Sobriety
“...the pain that comes from loving someone who's in trouble can be profound.” ― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start…
- Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in Recovery
The Merry-Go-Round
Joe, Thom, and Patrick talk Marcus Aurelius, read a daily reflection from Joe’s “Beyond Belief,” and consider the uncomfortable necessity of staying in the…
Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in RecoveryEmotional Sobriety & Creativity with Michael J. Harney
Actor, writer and director Michael J. Harney (NYPD Blue, Deadwood, True Detective) joins Thom and Allen to talk about his evolving spirituality and journey to…
- Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in Recovery
The Bedroom Opens off the Living Room
Joe C. joins Allen and Patrick to introduce what will be a series of episodes discussing how emotional sobriety can improve our sexual relationships, building…
Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in RecoveryTrauma is Subjective
Clinical trauma specialist and author of Trauma and the 12 Steps Jamie+ Marich, Ph.D., LPCC-S, REAT joins Allen and Thom this week to talk about her body of…
- Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in Recovery
Beliefs Are Choices
Thom, Joe, and Patrick read from the Beyond Belief daily reflections about where emotional sobriety can come in when we’re struggling to tolerate opposing…
- Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in Recovery
Close to the Ditch
Joe Chisholm returns to discuss helping others through suggestion, not “expertise.” Emotional sobriety can help us escape a “victim mentality” we must shed to…
- Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in Recovery
Streamline Your Thinking!
Thom and Allen discuss pursuing emotional sobriety once we become aware of our “unconscious incompetence.” In practicing anything until it becomes innate and…
Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in Recovery"I Am Not a Counselor"
Having recently celebrated 40 years of continuous sobriety, Bill Cleveland, a pillar in a multitude of recovery fellowships (namely Hermosa Beach Men’s Stag)…
- Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in Recovery
The Reverse Golden Rule
Superfriend Carol Carter returns to talk about a recent breakthrough in self-love, a welcome reminder that Emotional Sobriety is above all else a discovery of…
- Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in Recovery
“Sobriety Didn’t Solve My Problems, It Exposed Them”
We respond to criticisms leveled at a recent workshop: is Emotional Sobriety somehow alternative, even interruptive, of a faithful rigorous 12 Step program, or…
- Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in Recovery
Second First Steps
Carol Carter returns to the show to talk about letting go of her resentments towards her ex-husband. By freeing him, she freed herself. Many of us first veered…
- Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in Recovery
Are These Extravagant Promises? Inconceivable!
Joe C. joins Patrick and Thom to chat about mutual aid versus self-help: how collectivism can feed our emotional sobriety. When we give ourselves to fellowship…
- Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in Recovery
Right-Sized Expressions
Joe Chisholm checks back in. We read a passage from his daily reflections book and he brings to our attention “Living Sober,” which was written more than 40…
- Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in Recovery
Letting Go Never Stops
This week we talk about taking better lessons from our mistakes. In finding our emotional center of gravity, recognizing we’re sick rather than stuck, we try…
- Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in Recovery
“Lift My Lamp Beside the Golden Door”
Allen, Thom, and Patrick discuss the recent political upheaval and encroaching fascism of Trump and ICE. Allen relates the tension between our obligations to…
- Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in Recovery
Recovery Capital with Samantha Duggan
Samantha was a psychologist before she found recovery, and her experience with the 12 Steps is just one touchstone in her evolving relationship to life in…
- Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in Recovery
Staying In
Having returned from the second annual Recovery Reimagined conference in Dublin, Patrick reflects on the passing of a longtime sober friend who took his own…
- Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in Recovery
Bright Sunshine in the Rat Park with Dr. Carl Erik Fisher
Allen, Thom, and Patrick welcome addiction psychiatrist Carl Erik Fisher of Columbia University to discuss emotional sobriety. In the pursuit of “making sense…
- Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in Recovery
Flowing with Becoming feat. Joe C.
When we try to wrestle security from life, we often get pinned. Joe Chisholm offers us this: Dee Hock (1929-2022) wrote: “Life is not about control; it is not…
- Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in Recovery
Inukshuk with Julia Heidmann
Frequent collaborator and fellow recoverer Julia Heidmann stops by to talk about the role emotional sobriety has played in her relationships with others and…
- Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in Recovery
Proficiency vs. Perfection
Allen, Thom, and Patrick discuss the overwhelm that often occurs as we return to health, and in so doing take on more challenges in our day to day lives. How…