Shows / Doing Marriage Well
Doing Marriage Well
This blog is not Doing Marriage Right. That would be about doing what someone thinks we should all do. Your marriage is the blending of two unique people, and what works for others may not be good for you. There are things that are nearly universally successful for couples, and things that are universally harmful. For those who follow Jesus, there are some expectations and limits. But honesty, there’s a great deal of wiggle room. We’ve seen happy couples living a wide variety of different ways…
Episodes
Doing Marriage WellThe Freedom of the Bedroom: Desires, Boundaries, and Love
In this episode Paul examines sex in marriage from a biblical perspective, emphasising that sexual intimacy matters and should draw spouses together. He…
Doing Marriage WellUnderstanding the "Why": How to Align Priorities With Your Spouse
In this episode of Doing Marriage Well (October 29, 2026), Paul explains how couples can align priorities by understanding the "why" behind each other’s…
Doing Marriage WellOver the Top or Down the Wall? Navigating Priorities with Your Spouse
Host Paul explores how everyday disagreements — from how to hang the TP to fuzzy toilet covers — can reveal deeper differences in priorities after marriage…
Doing Marriage WellThe Gap Between What We Say and How We Live
This episode explores the gap between what we say matters and how we actually live, especially in marriage. Paul discusses how priorities can drift, how others…
Doing Marriage WellThe Tier System: Figure Out What Deserves Your Time and Energy
Lori’s long illness made the couple rethink daily priorities and create a new normal. They use a tier system to decide what truly matters, making practical…
Doing Marriage WellFrom Frustration to Connection: Build a Sex Life That Works for Both of You
Doing Marriage Well for October 23rd, 2026 — A clear, practical episode about bridging differences in sexual drive and building a sex life that satisfies both…
Doing Marriage WellWhy Being Nice Is More Powerful Than You Think
This episode explains why being intentionally kind to your spouse is more powerful than it seems. Choosing to be nice changes how you think, lowers stress, and…
Doing Marriage WellCommon Courtesy: The Secret Ingredient to an Uncommonly Good Marriage
In this episode, Paul explains how common courtesy—simple acts like saying please and thank you, greeting your spouse warmly, apologising when needed, and…
Doing Marriage WellThe Soup Bowl Test: How Small Changes Transform Your Marriage
In this episode Paul explores how small, thoughtful actions — from rubbing a hurting spouse's back to stopping a habit that bothers them — can transform a…
Doing Marriage WellThe Power of Proactive Kindness
Paul explores how shifting from blame to action and making kindness a default choice can transform a marriage. Instead of waiting for a partner to change, he…
Doing Marriage WellTease Him Till He Begs. Way Back Post.
Paul from XY discusses the two types of sexual teasing—arousal and stimulation—and explains techniques like visual teasing, teasing through words and touch…
Doing Marriage WellDon't Let Limerence Destroy Your Marriage. Way Back Post.
This episode explores limerence — an obsessive, idealised infatuation that can devastate marriages and families. Paul explains what limerence looks like, how…
Doing Marriage WellWhy Won't She Touch Me? — When Affection Feels Out of Reach
This episode examines Laurie’s Wayback post "Why Won't She Touch Me?" (Aug 7, 2017) and the hurt husbands feel when wives avoid touching parts of their bodies…
Doing Marriage WellWhy Men Masturbate In The Shower. Way Back Post.
Paul revisits a Wayback Post from his XY Code blog that explores why many men masturbate in the shower, including survey results on how often it happens and…
Doing Marriage WellDrive Her Wild With Two Fingers. Way Back Post.
In this episode Paul revisits a Wayback Post from The Generous Husband about using two fingers to provide combined internal (G-spot) and external (clitoral)…
Doing Marriage WellGuest Posts By Paul and Lori. Way Back Posts.
On this episode (Oct 12, 2026) Paul and Lori share a busy week — Lori’s gallbladder surgery and harvest season — and a special guest post roundup from their…
Doing Marriage WellFocus in the Bedroom: Balancing Mechanics, Pleasure, and Connection
This episode explores how our focus during sex—mechanics versus emotional connection—affects marital intimacy and pleasure. It highlights that God‑intended sex…
Doing Marriage WellSeeing What You Expect: How Focus Shapes Your Marriage
In this episode Paul explains how our brains focus and predict, causing us to miss obvious things or interpret our spouse through expectations. He uses…
Doing Marriage WellHyperfocus and Half-Listens: How to Actually Reach Your Spouse
Paul and Lori explore how hyper-focus and automatic acknowledgements (“uh‑huh”) can leave important things unheard in marriage. Rather than blaming, the…
Doing Marriage WellWho Gets Your Ear? Choosing to Listen Above the Chaos
On this episode of Doing Marriage Well (Oct 6, 2026), Paul explores how everyday distractions — kids, pets, phones, and media — can drown out your spouse and…
Doing Marriage WellAre You Aware of What's Going On In Your Marriage?
Paul uses the moonwalking bear video to show how misdirection can make us miss clear communication in marriage. You might focus on one task and completely…
Doing Marriage WellStop Guessing in the Bedroom: 7 Sexual Assumptions That Hurt Couples
In this episode Paul explores seven common sexual assumptions that damage marriages — from fearing judgement about desires, to misunderstanding orgasms, to…
Doing Marriage WellStop Projecting Your Ex Onto Your Spouse
This episode (Doing Marriage Well, October 1, 2026) explains why we project assumptions from past relationships onto our current spouse and how those…
Doing Marriage WellAre You Judging Your Spouse With Teenage Stereotypes?
Paul challenges the common habit of judging spouses by teenage stereotypes and urges listeners to recognise how old assumptions—from parents, friends, and…
Doing Marriage WellHidden Assumptions That Are Hurting Your Marriage
This episode explores common hidden assumptions that damage marriages—assuming agreement when a spouse is silent, expecting consistent feelings over time…
Doing Marriage WellStop Guessing What Your Spouse Is Thinking
This episode explains how assumptions quietly damage marriages and why our brains favour quick guesses. It shows how wrong assumptions grow into bigger…
Doing Marriage WellKeeping Sex Alive When Life Gets in the Way
This episode explains why sex matters as a way to connect, not just satisfy drives, and why couples should define it together. It offers practical tips —…
Doing Marriage WellThe Cost of "Normal": Doing What Everyone Else Does Might Be Hurting Your Marriage
In this episode of Doing Marriage Well (September 25, 2026), Paul examines how following cultural norms — the “cost of normal” — can harm marriages. He looks…
Doing Marriage WellMilkshakes, Moms, and Modern Pharisees: Your Marriage Belongs to You
In this episode of Doing Marriage Well, Paul and Lori share their experience caring for Paul’s bedridden mother with hospice and how they protected their…
Doing Marriage WellKeeping the Spark: How to Keep Date Nights and Vacations Alive
In the September 22, 2026 episode of Doing Marriage Well, Paul explores how couples can keep romance alive through date nights and vacations even when money…
Doing Marriage WellSurviving the Season: Knowing When to Adapt in Marriage
In this episode Paul shares a personal story about his wife’s unusual medical needs — including a doctor-prescribed milkshake — to show how sometimes the best…
Doing Marriage WellBeyond the Label: Porn Is Infidelity and Needs to Be Treated as Such
Paul argues that regardless of whether you call it an addiction, pornography use that harms a marriage is sin and should be treated as infidelity. He explains…
Doing Marriage WellEscaping Unrealistic Expectations In The Bedroom
In this episode Paul explains how perfectionism and unrealistic portrayals of sex — from porn, romance novels, and media — damage couples' intimacy and create…
Doing Marriage WellSurviving Hard Seasons: The Power of Imperfect Short-Term Fixes
Paul explains the idea of a "two-year temporary": simple, safe, and affordable short-term fixes that reduce daily frustrations during difficult seasons…
Doing Marriage WellMoving Beyond the Quid-Pro-Quo Marriage and Earning Love
This episode challenges the idea that love must be earned or exchanged. Paul explores how perfectionism and a "quid pro quo" mindset damage marriage and…
Doing Marriage WellEscaping the Trap of Perfectionism in Your Marriage
This episode examines how perfectionism—often rooted in childhood expectations—damages marriages and family life, from hidden family shame to constant…
Doing Marriage WellDoing Marriage Badly Is Far Better Than Not Trying at All
Perfectionism can stop us from trying; this episode argues that it's better to attempt marriage imperfectly than not to try at all. Using G.K. Chesterton's…
Doing Marriage WellBeyond the Taboo: Honest Conversations About Sex, Separation, and Grace
Paul explores how married couples can responsibly manage sexual desire when a spouse is separated, ill, or otherwise unable to be intimate, recommending…
Doing Marriage WellWhen You Have to Carry the Load: Grace and Sacrifice in Marriage
In this episode, Paul discusses the responsibilities of adulthood within marriage — stepping up when your spouse can’t, carrying extra loads without complaint…
Doing Marriage WellGrowing Up Together: Dealing with Blame, Tantrums, and Avoidance
This episode examines common ways couples fail to 'adult' in marriage: avoiding difficult conversations, playing the blame game, refusing accountability…
Doing Marriage WellWhen Adulting Hurts: Mental Health, Addictions, and Boundaries
This episode explores how "adulting" can require painful but necessary choices to protect your spouse, children, and marriage, illustrated by a true story of a…
Doing Marriage WellWhen "Adulting" Gets Messy: Teamwork and Grace in Marriage
This episode explores what it means to "adult" in marriage: doing necessary tasks, sharing responsibility, and avoiding unrealistic expectations of perfection…
Doing Marriage WellThe High Cost of Betrayal: Healing After Infidelity
Doing marriage well (Sept 5, 2026): This episode examines the high cost of betrayal and the path to healing and accountability after infidelity, including porn…
Doing Marriage WellThe Art of Apologising: How to Say Sorry Without Making Things Worse
This episode explains how to apologise effectively in relationships: why timing matters, how to take ownership without defensiveness, and why acknowledging…
Doing Marriage WellShared History Can Repair—Or Ruin—Relationships
Episode from Doing Marriage Well (Sept 3, 2026): This episode explores how shared history can either repair or damage relationships. It advises intentionally…
Doing Marriage WellWhen the Problem is the Other Person
This episode examines 1 Corinthians 13 and applies its principles—patience, kindness, restraint, hope, and endurance—to situations where one partner is the…
Doing Marriage WellSix Ways We Sabotage Our Relationships
In this episode of Doing Marriage Well (Sept 1, 2026), Paul outlines six ways we sabotage our relationships—selfishness, pettiness, pride, refusing the cost of…
Doing Marriage WellAdults Acting Like Children Destroy Relationships
Paul explores how pride, fear, and immaturity make adults magnify small slights and wreck marriages, friendships, and church relationships. Drawing on…
Doing Marriage WellLearn how arousal non-concordance affects marriage, why physical and mental arousal don't always match, and how to navigate it together.
This episode defines arousal non-concordance — when the body and brain are out of sync — and gives everyday examples (morning erections, body arousal without…
Doing Marriage WellWhy He Holds Back and How It Hurts the Marriage
This episode explores why many men understate or suppress their sexual desire—due to comparison, societal messages, or guilt—and how that withholding damages…
Doing Marriage WellMeasuring the Immeasurable: Vital, Intangible Things Your Spouse Needs
This episode explores the vital but hard-to-measure emotional needs spouses have—appreciation, trust, emotional and intellectual connection, shared life…
Doing Marriage WellThe 5 and Beyond: Providing What Your Spouse Really Needs
In this Doing Marriage Well episode (August 26, 2026), Paul examines the five love languages—words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service, and…
Doing Marriage WellWhy You Might Be Misjudging Your Marriage Needs
In this episode Paul explains why we often misjudge our marriage needs — how stress, fatigue, guilt, upbringing, and comparison can hide or amplify what we…
Doing Marriage WellAre You Emotionally Dehydrated? Running on Empty in Marriage
In this episode (Doing Marriage Well — August 24, 2026), Paul uses physical dehydration as a metaphor for emotional dryness in marriage. He explains how our…
Doing Marriage WellBecoming One Flesh: Navigating Sexual Differences in Marriage
Paul explores how sexual experiences and preferences formed before marriage can create frustration and mismatch in the bedroom, and why calm, honest…
Doing Marriage WellWorking Toward Common Goals Strengthens Your Marriage
This episode explains how creating a shared vision strengthens marriage by turning individual preferences into a united purpose. It shows how to focus on…
Doing Marriage WellPreserving Your Marriage When Convictions Clash
This episode explores how differences in convictions—ranging from sports and politics to conspiracy theories and faith—can strain a marriage. It offers…
Doing Marriage WellKeeping Your Mood in Check: Don't Drag Your Spouse Down
This episode explains how to keep your own low moods from dragging your spouse down while staying honest about how you feel. Learn practical steps: avoid…
Doing Marriage WellStaying Out of the Pit: How to Handle Your Spouse's Bad Mood
This episode explores how spouses' moods affect each other and why it’s important not to let your partner’s bad mood become yours. Paul explains that marriage…
Doing Marriage WellThe Parallel Path: Understanding Sexual Availability in Marriage
In this episode Paul explains what it means—and what it does not mean—to be sexually available to your spouse. Sexual availability is about the ability to…