Shows / Ask the Unfaithful
Ask the Unfaithful
The Ask The Unfaithful Podcast, is a safe place for both Unfaithful and Betrayed Partners to find hope and healing. This podcast draws on both our personal and professional experience to provide expert insight into the mind of the Unfaithful, and how their behaviors traumatically affect the life, heart and even brain plasticity of Betrayed Partners. Ask the Unfaithful is hosted by two Unfaithfuls in long-term recovery, James and Sam: Therapist and coach James Annear who co-owns CORE…
Episodes
- Ask the Unfaithful
IS CHASING CERTAINTY IN BETRAYAL RECOVERY A TRAP?
What if the very thing you're searching for in betrayal recovery is actually keeping you stuck? After infidelity, how can betrayed partners ever be certain the…
- Ask the Unfaithful
DEFENSIVENESS: WHAT ARE THE UNFAITHFUL REALLY DEFENDING WHEN THEY GET DEFENSIVE?
Why do unfaithful partners become so defensive - even when they genuinely want to repair the damage they've caused? After infidelity or betrayal, the…
- Ask the Unfaithful
5 MISTAKES THE UNFAITHFUL MAKE THAT WILL END BETRAYAL RECOVERY
Are you genuinely trying to repair your relationship after infidelity—but still finding that your betrayed partner doesn't feel safe, understood, or supported?…
- Ask the Unfaithful
TRICKLE TRUTH: Why Staggered Disclosures Re-Traumatize Betrayed Partners in the Worst Way
Why can trickle truth feel even more devastating than discovering the affair itself? For many betrayed partners, discovery is not a single event. First comes…
- Ask the Unfaithful
4 MISTAKES THAT PREVENT COUPLES FROM HEALING FROM INFIDELITY
Are you actually moving forward in betrayal recovery or are you rushing to avoid discomfort? After infidelity, many unfaithful partners enter recovery with…
- Ask the Unfaithful
THE VICTIM MINDSET: WHY THE UNFAITHFUL WHINES, BLAMES, AND ISN'T EMPATHETIC
What if the biggest obstacle to your recovery isn't shame, defensiveness, or even your affair - but believing you're the victim? Many unfaithful partners…
- Ask the Unfaithful
4 WAYS THE UNFAITHFUL MINIMIZE AND DEFLECT
Why does recovery stall even when you're trying? If you're the unfaithful partner, you may genuinely want to heal your relationship—but without realizing it…
- Ask the Unfaithful
4 WAYS THE UNFAITHFUL LEARNED IT WAS OKAY TO CHEAT
HOW DID THE UNFAITHFUL LEARN THAT INFIDELITY WAS OKAY? Can your childhood make you more prone to infidelity? Not by causing you to cheat, but by shaping how…
- Ask the Unfaithful
5 PATTERNS THAT CAN CAUSE THE UNFAITHFUL TO CHEAT (AND TO FAIL IN BETRAYAL RECOVERY)
Why do unfaithful partners cheat and why do they have such a hard time staying in recovery? The answer is almost never just one reason. In this episode of Ask…
- Ask the Unfaithful
THE ONE ACTION THAT UNLOCKS THE UNFAITHFUL'S RECOVERY WORK
What is the ONE action that unlocks real recovery for the unfaithful? In this powerful episode of Ask The Unfaithful, James Annear and Sam reveal the single…
- Ask the Unfaithful
IS THE UNFAITHFUL SLEEPWALKING THROUGH BETRAYAL RECOVERY?
How conscious are you of your actions and how they impact your own recovery, your betrayed's recovery and your relational recovery? In this powerful episode of…
- Ask the Unfaithful
BREADCRUMBING: HOW THE UNFAITHFUL CREATE A TRAUMA BOND THAT KEEPS THE BETRAYED POWERLESS TO HEAL
What is breadcrumbing, and why is it one of the most damaging patterns an unfaithful partner can engage in during recovery? In this episode of Ask The…
- Ask the Unfaithful
10 Hallmarks of Authentic Betrayal Recovery In The Unfaithful
Are you actually doing the work… or just going through the motions? In this episode of Ask The Unfaithful, Sam and James break down 10 powerful signs of…
- Ask the Unfaithful
15 LANGUAGE SHIFTS THE UNFAITHFUL CAN USE TO REBUILD TRUST AFTER BETRAYAL
If you're trying to rebuild trust after betrayal, your words matter more than you think as James and Sam discussed in the previous episode of Ask The…
- Ask the Unfaithful
IN BETRAYAL RECOVERY, WORDS MATTER - HEALING vs. HARMFUL LANGUAGE
After betrayal, your words are no longer neutral. In this episode of Ask The Unfaithful, we break down the critical difference between healing language and…
- Ask the Unfaithful
3 CORE MISUNDERSTANDINGS THE UNFAITHFUL HAVE THAT BLOCK RELATIONAL RECOVERY
Why does it feel like no matter what you, the unfaithful, do… your partner still isn't okay? In this episode of Ask The Unfaithful, we break down the 3 core…
- Ask the Unfaithful
THIS "RECOVERY BEHAVIOR" IS JUST ANOTHER FORM OF BETRAYAL
In this powerful episode of Ask The Unfaithful, we break down a hidden but deeply damaging pattern in relationships affected by infidelity: self-erasure - when…
- Ask the Unfaithful
UNDERSTANDING BETRAYAL: DO MEN AND WOMEN CHEAT FOR DIFFERENT REASONS?
In this powerful episode of Ask The Unfaithful, James Annear and Sam explore the key psychological, developmental, and behavioral differences between male and…
- Ask the Unfaithful
SUBTLE WAYS THE UNFAITHFUL PHONE IN BETRAYAL RECOVERY - PERFORMATIVE VS REAL RECOVERY
Are you really in recovery… or are you just performing it? In this episode of Ask The Unfaithful, James and Sam tackle one of the most damaging patterns in…
- Ask the Unfaithful
Peter Pan Syndrome: Can The Unfaithful Ever Really Grow Up?
In this episode of Ask The Unfaithful, James and Sam explore "Peter Pan Syndrome" (the "Eternal Child") through a Jungian and trauma-informed lens, unpacking…
- Ask the Unfaithful
Rebuilding Trust: The Missing Key The Unfaithful MUST Know
One of the most overlooked drivers of infidelity isn't desire, entitlement, or opportunity — it's broken self-trust. In this episode of Ask The Unfaithful…
- Ask the Unfaithful
Is The Unfaithful's Self Care Really Self Indulgence?
Are you truly practicing self-compassion… or actually slipping into self-indulgence? In this episode of Ask The Unfaithful, James and Sam break down one of the…
- Ask the Unfaithful
S6: NEW BEGINNINGS - The Hidden Turning Point For the Unfaithful In Betrayal Recovery
In this episode of Ask The Unfaithful, James speaks directly to those who have betrayed their partner and are ready to become someone different. He unpacks…
- Ask the Unfaithful
7 WAYS THE UNFAITHFUL MISHANDLE THE BETRAYED'S DISENFRANCHISED GRIEF
In this dynamic episode of Ask The Unfaithful, Sam and James unpack disenfranchised grief—the deep, invisible grief the betrayed partner experiences after…
- Ask the Unfaithful
LIMERENCE: CAN THE DAMAGE EVER BE REPAIRED?
Limerence is one of the most misunderstood - and devastating - experiences in infidelity recovery. In this episode, James and Sam break down what limerence…
- Ask the Unfaithful
What are No Lose Decisions In Infidelity Recovery?
In this provocative and practical episode of Ask The Unfaithful, Sam and James break down one of the most transformative concepts in affair recovery: No-Lose…
- Ask the Unfaithful
HEALING FROM SECRET INTRIGUE
In this powerful episode of Ask The Unfaithful, James and Sam take an unflinching look at how to heal one of the most deceptive forces blocking recovery after…
- Ask the Unfaithful
INTRIGUE: The Silent Saboteur of Healing and Connection After Infidelity
What if the greatest threat to your recovery after infidelity isn't what you think it is? In this episode of Ask The Unfaithful, James and Sam unpack how…
- Ask the Unfaithful
What Are The Consequences of People Pleasing For the Unfaithful?
"Healing begins when we choose authenticity over approval and prioritize the love that truly matters." In this episode of Ask the Unfaithful, James and Sam…
- Ask the Unfaithful
ATU Shorts SE5: Helping the Unfaithful Move From "Not It!" to "Got it!"
On today's episode of "Moving from Not It to Got It," Sam takes listeners on an honest journey through the pivotal moment when an unfaithful spouse chooses to…
- Ask the Unfaithful
10 Ways the Unfaithful's Distorted Thinking Destroys Hope
Stinking Thinking is more than just negative self-talk—it's the distorted, automatic thought patterns that block empathy, sabotage trust, and keep both the…
- Ask the Unfaithful
Entitlement in the Unfaithful: From Demanding to Devotion
Entitlement is the silent killer of recovery after infidelity. When an unfaithful partner comes from a position of entitlement, it poisons trust, sabotages…
- Ask the Unfaithful
4 Ways Shame and Avoidance Sabotage Healing from Infidelity
Shame and avoidance are two of the most powerful forces keeping unfaithful partners stuck after betrayal. In this episode of Ask the Unfaithful, we uncover how…
- Ask the Unfaithful
The Arousal Template: Identifying Triggers and Blindspots
In this episode of Ask The Unfaithful, Sam and James take a deep dive into one of the most misunderstood—and most important—concepts in infidelity recovery…
- Ask the Unfaithful
Was the Unfaithful Really in Love with the Affair Partner?
In this powerful episode of Ask the Unfaithful, we unpack one of the most misunderstood emotional experiences in the aftermath of infidelity: limerence. Often…
- Ask the Unfaithful
5 Signs the Unfaithful Isn't Sorry...Yet
In this powerful episode of Ask The Unfaithful, we unpack five critical signs that the unfaithful partner has not yet reached authentic, pro-active remorse…
- Ask the Unfaithful
How Criticism Sabotages Affair Recovery
In Episode 47 of Ask the Unfaithful, we continue the conversation from last week's powerful session on judgment—but this time, we're unpacking a major…
- Ask the Unfaithful
How Judgment Affects Affair Recovery
Judgment is one of the most hidden—but most powerful—forces keeping recovery stuck. In this episode, we take a deep dive into malignant self-judgment—the toxic…
- Ask the Unfaithful
Why Are the Unfaithful So Afraid to Do Recovery Work?
Fear is part of being human—but when you've betrayed someone you love, fear can become a wall between you and the emotional honesty your partner needs to heal…
- Ask the Unfaithful
What People Pleasing Does to Betrayed Partner
People pleasing can be described as the tendency to prioritize others' needs over your own, often driven by fear of rejection or a need for validation. In…
- Ask the Unfaithful
What People-Pleasing Does to the Betrayed Partner
People pleasing can be described as the tendency to prioritize others' needs over your own, often driven by fear of rejection or a need for validation. In…
- Ask the Unfaithful
How Excessive Self-Protection by the Unfaithful is Toxic After Infidelity is Discovered
"Imagine building a fortress so strong that not even you can leave it." In our quest as unfaithful to protect ourselves from pain, rejection, or failure, we…
- Ask the Unfaithful
Why Do the Unfaithful Take Things Personally?
Why do we unfaithful take things so personally? It can feel like every ounce of feedback we receive is taken with an underlying belief that something is wrong…
- Ask the Unfaithful
What is Toxic Negativity & What Can Be Done About It?
Toxic negativity refers to a mindset or behavior where a person consistently focuses on the negative aspects of situations, people, spouses or life in general…
- Ask the Unfaithful
How Not Keeping Promises Undermines Recovery
In the daily grind of recovery work lies the realization that even the smallest of broken promises can be a trigger to the betrayed. We the unfaithful will…
- Ask the Unfaithful
6 Essentials to Maintaining Momentum in Relational Recovery
Today on the podcast, we discuss and define relational recovery while also addressing how to stay motivated as an unfaithful and how can you keep the momentum…
- Ask the Unfaithful
Why Is the Unfaithful So Hot and Cold? Understanding the Push-Pull Dynamic
Have you ever wondered why the unfaithful seem so hot and cold? One minute they're pursuing the betrayed, showing signs they are 'all in.' The next minute…
- Ask the Unfaithful
How to Know If the Unfaithful Is Still Using the Betrayed
How do you know if the unfaithful is using the betrayed for their own insecurities or affirmation, and what are the warning signs? Do unfaithful partners…
- Ask the Unfaithful
ATU Shorts SE4: James' Journey: A Message of Hope
I wrote a journal entry yesterday with no real intent and it turned out to be about my journey to where I am now. A journey I'm still on, to be sure! It isn't…
- Ask the Unfaithful
4 Reasons the Unfaithful Avoid Hard Conversations
Why do we unfaithful seem so committed to avoiding hard conversations, especially those about our infidelity or addiction? Why does it feel to the betrayed…
- Ask the Unfaithful
Finding Healing During Holidays & Anniversaries
For the couple endeavoring to heal from infidelity or addiction, the holidays can be not only confusing, but disorienting and highly triggering. From reminders…
- Ask the Unfaithful
5 Signs of Emotional Immaturity in the Unfaithful
Is your spouse or partner emotionally immature? What qualifies as emotional immaturity in the life of the unfaithful and isn't an affair a significant marker…
- Ask the Unfaithful
When Is It Time for a Therapeutic Separation?
Have you ever gone through a 'therapeutic separation?' Looking back, do you think you needed one after discovery? Maybe you're contemplating one now for you…
- Ask the Unfaithful
ATU Shorts SE3: Terminal Uniqueness - The Value of Surrender
Have you been feeling like your situation is not like anybody else's? Do you find yourself planning your own way of dealing with your behaviors and the effects…
- Ask the Unfaithful
Breaking the Reaction Cycle of the Unfaithful
In healing from infidelity, the unfaithful can often times be hostile and reactive early on in the healing process. So much so, we can fall prey to what we've…
- Ask the Unfaithful
ATU Shorts SE2: How to Feel & Deal with Your Feelings
As an Unfaithful, do you struggle to identify what you're feeling i the moment? When you react, what are reacting out of? What is the feeling and how do you…
- Ask the Unfaithful
3 Warning Signs the Unfaithful Isn't Committed to the Betrayed
It's one of the most common questions asked by a betrayed partner: "How do I know if my unfaithful is really committed to the relationship? What should I be…
- Ask the Unfaithful
Communication Style the Betrayed Need from the Unfaithful
Previously on Ask the Unfaithful, we discussed four harmful and toxic communication styles of the unfaithful. If you haven't watched or listened to last week's…
- Ask the Unfaithful
4 Harmful Communication Styles of the Unfaithful
If we unfaithful are honest with ourselves, we'll have to admit that we can not only be harmful in our communication styles but also selfish, egotistical and…
- Ask the Unfaithful
What Are the Two Most Overlooked Keys to Recovery?
Anyone who has spent a significant amount of time in recovery work, whether unfaithful or betrayed, will tell you that recovery work is simply put, "not for…