Shows / Doing Marriage Well
Doing Marriage Well
This blog is not Doing Marriage Right. That would be about doing what someone thinks we should all do. Your marriage is the blending of two unique people, and what works for others may not be good for you. There are things that are nearly universally successful for couples, and things that are universally harmful. For those who follow Jesus, there are some expectations and limits. But honesty, there’s a great deal of wiggle room. We’ve seen happy couples living a wide variety of different ways…
Episodes
Doing Marriage WellAre You on the Same Page? Dreams, Goals, and Your Marriage Quest
This episode helps couples distinguish dreams, goals, aims, ambitions, targets, and quests—and shows why labelling and communicating your desires matter for a…
Doing Marriage WellIs Venting Healthy? The Surprising Truth About Anger
Doing Marriage Well — May 25, 2026: This episode examines whether venting actually helps with anger and why many studies show it keeps us stuck in a…
Doing Marriage WellThe Bedroom Filter: Are Biases Hurting Your Sex Life?
This episode explores how cognitive biases and miscommunication affect couples' sexual lives, covering mismatched frequency estimates, misinterpreted signals…
Doing Marriage WellIs the False Consensus Effect Hurting Your Marriage?
In this episode of Doing Marriage Well (May 21, 2026), Paul explains three cognitive biases that can damage relationships: the Zanargic effect (remembering…
Doing Marriage WellLet Go of the Anchor and See Change in Your Relationship
Today’s episode explains two cognitive biases—the availability heuristic and anchoring bias—and how they make us overestimate past mistakes and ignore present…
Doing Marriage WellThe Double Standard: You’re "Stressed" but They’re "Selfish"
Paul explains how fundamental attribution error and self-serving bias make us excuse our own faults while blaming our partner, creating anger and distance in…
Doing Marriage WellThe Filters in Your Mind: Are Biases Blurring Your View?
In this episode of Doing Marriage Well (May 18, 2026), Paul explores how cognitive biases—like confirmation bias—distort how we interpret our spouse’s words…
Doing Marriage WellThe Fork in the Road: Choosing Between Acceptance and Ultimatums
This episode explores the choice between accepting a painful, unchanging part of your marriage and issuing an ultimatum. It offers practical questions to…
Doing Marriage WellHidden Killers: Understanding the Consequences of Sexual Choices
In this episode Paul explores how sexual choices—especially pornography and emotionally empty sex—damage marriage. He explains how men and women often misjudge…
Doing Marriage WellWhen Fear Calls the Shots: Breaking the Cycle
This episode explores how fear—fear of failure, fear of change, and fear of a spouse's anger—undermines healthy choices in marriage. It explains how avoidance…
Doing Marriage WellLazy or Exhausted? Understanding the Root of Your Marital Friction
This episode explores why we often label a partner as "lazy" and shows how burnout, low motivation, or emotional detachment can be the real issues behind…
Doing Marriage WellThe Cost of False Peace: Sacrificing Your Beliefs Hurts Your Marriage
This episode examines how avoiding conflict by sacrificing core beliefs creates a false, temporary peace that ultimately harms marriages. It explains cognitive…
Doing Marriage WellLook What You Made Me Do — Stop Reactionary Living in Marriage
This episode explores how letting our spouse’s actions dictate our responses undermines marriage. Paul explains why blaming your partner and reacting…
Doing Marriage WellWhy Premarital Coaching is a Non-Negotiable
In this episode Paul explains why premarital coaching is essential for couples—especially blended families—and how getting help early prevents or prepares you…
Doing Marriage WellBreaking the Silence: Get Help for Your Sex Life
Paul urges couples not to suffer in silence and encourages seeking help for sexual problems. He highlights the Marriage Bed Forum and forums as safe, Christian…
Doing Marriage WellThe Professional Edge: When Your Marriage Needs More
This episode explains when it’s time to seek professional help for your marriage, how to find a trustworthy Christian counselor, and practical options…
Doing Marriage WellWhen Church Help Heals: Finding Marriage Support in Your Congregation
This episode explores how pastors, vetted lay leaders, and marriage-focused small groups within your church can provide meaningful support for struggling…
Doing Marriage WellThe Power of a Mature Perspective: Choosing the Right Friend for Marriage Help
This episode explains how friends can be a couple’s greatest asset or biggest liability: choose one spiritually mature, discreet friend with a strong marriage…
Doing Marriage WellA Neutral 3rd Party Is the Best Friend Your Marriage Can Have
Paul explains why a neutral third party is one of the best allies a marriage can have and why meeting as a couple is often wiser than seeking one-sided help…
Doing Marriage WellThe Breaking Point: Why You Can’t Afford to Ignore Sexual Frequency
This episode addresses the critical issue of sexual frequency in marriage and how prolonged dissatisfaction can damage relationships. It explains why a lack of…
Doing Marriage WellBedroom Silence: When Sex Acts Become Something You "Put Up With"
This episode explores the quiet compromises couples make in their sex lives—when partners go along with acts they don’t enjoy and how differences in preference…
Doing Marriage Well"I Need Your Help": The Best Way to Address Annoying Habits
Paul explains how to address annoying habits in marriage by distinguishing two common situations: staying silent or repeatedly raising the issue. He stresses…
Doing Marriage WellPhubbing, Messiness, and Lateness: Addressing the Friction that Eats at You
Paul urges couples to stop tolerating behaviors that steadily damage their relationship — from selective listening and messiness to constant "fubbing" and…
Doing Marriage WellThe High Cost of Silence: Why "Putting Up With It" Doesn't Work
Paul explains why staying silent about repeated annoyances in marriage only makes them worse: small issues accumulate into resentment and sudden outbursts, and…
Doing Marriage WellWhen Asking for What You Need Feels Risky
This episode explores why asking for what you need in a marriage can feel risky—fear of dismissal, passive-aggression, repeated requests, or the sense that…
Doing Marriage WellFeeling Empty? Are You Asking for the Right Thing?
In this episode Paul explores why you can feel empty in marriage even when your spouse seems to be giving—because you may be asking for the wrong thing (for…
Doing Marriage WellWhen "More Sex" Isn't the Answer to Your Emptiness
Paul explains that while sex is an important need in marriage, people often use it to fill other unmet needs—love, touch, intimacy, stress relief—which leaves…
Doing Marriage WellWhy You Can't Admit What You Really Need from Your Spouse
This episode explains why people often can’t admit what they truly need from their spouse: social expectations, fear of appearing weak, and old patterns from…
Doing Marriage Well"I Need a Hug": The Power of Vulnerable Requests
Doing Marriage Well — April 21, 2026: Paul explores the power of vulnerable requests and the importance of asking for emotional needs in marriage. Using simple…
Doing Marriage WellWhy "All You Need Is Jesus" Isn’t True in Marriage
Paul explains that while faith in Jesus is essential, marriage also requires meeting one another’s human needs. God created us for relationship, and a spouse…
Doing Marriage WellYou Don’t Have to Be "In the Mood" - Or Get an Erection
This episode explores how sex drive is more than a physical urge and why responsive desire—wanting sex and choosing to act— is normal, especially for many…
Doing Marriage WellWhen Sex Hurts: Practical Solutions for Women Over Fifty
This episode explains why sex can become painful after menopause—falling estrogen thins and dries intimate tissues—and how topical estrogen (creams, rings, or…
Doing Marriage WellIntentional Intimacy: Why Your Mindset Matters Most
This episode explains why a couple's thinking is the key to a great sex life—be intentional about having sex, dealing with problems, and adapting as bodies and…
Doing Marriage WellED: The Solution Depends on the Problem
Paul outlines two simple diagnostic questions—do erections soften during sex, and do you wake with firm morning erections—to distinguish venous leak, physical…
Doing Marriage WellSex After Fifty: Closing the Knowledge Gap
This episode of Doing Marriage Well explores sex after 50 and how couples can keep their sexual lives satisfying as they age. Paul highlights common issues…
Doing Marriage WellOpening Your Spiritual Life to Your Spouse
Paul explains why inviting your spouse into your spiritual life matters and how your walk with Jesus should shape your marriage. He suggests talking about your…
Doing Marriage WellThe Final Frontier: Sexual Transparency in Your Marriage
Paul discusses why sexual transparency between spouses matters and how sharing your sexual history can build empathy, explain triggers, and lead to greater…
Doing Marriage WellThe Armour of Fear: Finding Emotional Nudity in Your Relationship
This episode challenges couples to remove emotional armor and practice "emotional nudity" by opening deep feelings to one another with safety, patience, and…
Doing Marriage WellBeyond Small Talk: Unlocking Your "Present" Thoughts in Marriage
In this episode Paul invites couples to move from past-focused conversations to sharing the thoughts they carry in the present — dreams (big and small), fears…
Doing Marriage WellUnlocking Your History: The Past Matters in Your Marriage
In this episode of Doing Marriage Well (April 7, 2026), Paul explains why sharing your past matters for a healthy marriage and how revealing your history helps…
Doing Marriage WellHidden Rooms and Locked Doors: A Guide to Total Transparency
This episode explores the idea of a "no-closed-doors" marriage, encouraging couples to gradually open the hidden or locked emotional rooms they keep from one…
Doing Marriage WellThe Crowded Bed: Clearing the Baggage for Better Sex
Paul explores how early messages about sex shape our sexual self-image and create guilt, shame, and barriers in marriage. He explains that much of this baggage…
Doing Marriage WellWinning the Argument vs. Winning the Marriage: Stop Fighting Dirty
In this episode of Doing Marriage Well (April 2, 2026), Paul examines how learned communication patterns—yelling, sarcasm, silent treatment, threats, and other…
Doing Marriage WellHow Your Self-Image Shapes Your Marriage
Discover how the way you see yourself affects your marriage and learn practical steps to reshape your self-image. This episode explores the childhood and…
Doing Marriage WellThe Independence Trap: Being Self-Sufficient is Hurting Your Marriage
This episode explores how childhood wounds can create excessive self-sufficiency that harms marriage, making it hard to trust and connect with a spouse. Paul…
Doing Marriage WellBeyond the Blame Game: Taking Ownership in Marriage
Paul challenges couples to stop blaming their childhood or parents for current marriage problems and instead take ownership of their actions, seek healing, and…
Doing Marriage WellThe Bedroom Trap: Why Compromise Isn't Doing Sex Well
Paul explores how sexual compromise leaves many marriages unsatisfied, with women feeling obligated and men shaped by unhealthy expectations, and explains why…
Doing Marriage WellThe "Yes" Trap: When Your Spouse Is a People-Pleaser
In this episode Paul examines the "yes trap"—when a spouse consistently gives in out of fear of rejection rather than love—and how people-pleasing quietly…
Doing Marriage WellThe Unseen Guest: How Past Wounds Shape Your Marriage Conflicts
In this episode of Doing Marriage Well (March 25, 2026), Paul explores how past emotional wounds quietly shape conflicts in marriage—affecting desires…
Doing Marriage WellBeyond the Middle Ground: 3 Ways to Both Win When You Disagree
When spouses want different things, compromise often leaves both unhappy. This episode explains a “third alternative” that finds solutions satisfying…
Doing Marriage WellBeyond Compromise: Finding a Better Way to Handle Differences
This episode challenges the idea that compromise must leave both partners equally dissatisfied and explores why that approach can be unfair or manipulative…
Doing Marriage WellThe Bedroom Balance: Navigating Sexual Needs and Selfishness
This episode explores how couples can navigate sexual needs, perceived selfishness, and misunderstandings to strengthen emotional connection. Paul highlights…
Doing Marriage WellChildhood Echoes: Why You're Afraid to Ask Your Spouse for What You Need
This episode of Doing Marriage Well examines how childhood experiences—neglect, overindulgence, or messages about deserving—shape our ability to ask spouses…
Doing Marriage WellWhen "No" Isn't Selfish: Setting Boundaries in Your Relationship
This episode explores how setting healthy boundaries in marriage can be mistaken for selfishness, using real examples of spouses with conflicting emotional and…
Doing Marriage WellIs It Selfish or Just a Misunderstanding? Navigating Conflicting Needs
This episode explores how everyday differences—like morning routines, music, or weekend plans—can escalate when spouses misjudge each other’s needs. Paul…
Doing Marriage WellJesus, Naps, and the ER: Finding Balance in Your Marriage
This episode explores how to balance caring for your spouse with caring for yourself, using stories from Jesus, a recent ER visit, and personal caregiving…
Doing Marriage WellWhen Venting Becomes a Problem: How Constant Complaining Hurts Your Spouse
This episode explores how frequent complaining to your spouse — about politics, work, or small frustrations — can damage your relationship when it becomes…
Doing Marriage WellAre You Accidentally Pushing Your Spouse Away in the Bedroom?
On Doing Marriage Well (March 13, 2026), Paul explores common ways partners unintentionally push each other away in the bedroom — from word choices and sexual…
Doing Marriage WellNagging Is a Warning Sign Not, Just an Annoyance (Edited version)
Nagging isn’t just irritating — it’s often a warning sign that something deeper is wrong in the marriage. Persistent, repetitive urgings can come from…
Doing Marriage WellWhy Criticism Backfires in Marriage (and What to Say Instead)
In this episode we look at why criticism often backfires in marriage and how to say things that actually help. Criticism can feel like an attack, and a…