Shows / Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Two comedians, one movie, and absolutely no guarantee of a sensible conversation. Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen chat about their weeks and whatever else is going on, before diving into a different movie every episode. Hilarious takes, questionable opinions, dark humour and plenty of unexpected tangents.
With a Patreon and Discord community, listeners can get involved, help choose the films and become part of the Absolute Cuts gang.
Episodes
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts #148 - POLTERGEIST (HALLOWEEN SPECIAL)
“They're here” Episode 148 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1982 tree hugging, clown strangling, TV dimensioning classic…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts #147 - A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET
“This is God” Episode 147 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1984 knife fingering, huge arming, phone tonguing classic A…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts #146 - WHITE MEN CAN'T JUMP
“I don't mean to brag... but I'm the greatest” Episode 146 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1992 Jeopardy-ing, slam dunking…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts #145 - CONGO
"Stop eating my sesame cake" Episode 145 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1995 hippo attacking, sign language-ing, gorilla…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts #144 - 9 TO 5
"You're a sexist, egotistical, lying, hypocritical bigot." Episode 144 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1980 gun-toting…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts #143 - MIAMI VICE
"Let's take it to the limit one more time" Episode 143 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2006 mojito-ing, Ferrari driving, Go…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts #142 - A TIME TO KILL
"Yes they deserved to die and I hope they burn in hell" Episode 142 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1996 vigilante…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts #141 - JURASSIC PARK
"Life, uh, finds a way" Episode 141 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1993 DNA cloning, velociraptoring, 65 million years in…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts #140 - SCARY MOVIE
"Did you just say you went "poopie"?" Episode 140 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2000 mass ejaculating, hoover humping…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts (Patreon Sneak Peek) - THAT'S MY BOY
A special peek behind the curtains of what our Patreons are getting as Mark And Ryan discuss the 2012 dodgy teachering, Vanilla Iceing, close relationing…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts #139 - GREEN STREET (WORLD CUP SPECIAL)
"You don't run, not when you're with us... You stand your ground and fight" Episode 139 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts #138 - THE FOOTBALL FACTORY (WORLD CUP SPECIAL)
"Are you trying to mug me off in front of my pals?" Episode 138 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2004 granny smashing…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts #137 - GET RICH OR DIE TRYIN'
"I'd rather die like a man than live like a coward" Episode 137 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2005 chain wearing, bullet…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts #136 - CON AIR
"Put the bunny back in the box" Episode 136 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1997 Billy Bedlaming, Diamond Dogging, Cyrus Da…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts #135 - BLOODSPORT
"Time to separate the man from the boys." Episode 135 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1988 constant montageing, face…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts #134 - THE GREEN MILE
"I tried to take it back... but it was too late." Episode 134 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1999 mouse circusing, dry…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
ABSOLUTE CUTS SPECIAL LIVE EPISODE FROM AUSTRIA
Our first ever live show recorded at the top of the Alps in Maryhofen, Austria. Yeah we were surprised as well. We are also joined by our first ever special…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts #133 - STARSHIP TROOPERS
"The only good bug is a dead bug" Episode 133 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1997 communal showering, brain sucking, SS…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts #132 - CLIFFHANGER
"You want to kill me don't you Tucker? Well take a number and get in line." Episode 132 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts #131 - PULP FICTION
"I don't remember asking you a goddamn thing" Episode 131 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1994 Jack Rabbit Slimming, bring…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts #130 - INVASION USA
"One night you'll close your eyes, and when they open I'll be there. It'll be time to die." Episode 130 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts #129 - FALLING DOWN
"I'm the bad guy?" Episode 129 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1993 car ditching, roadworks bazooka-ing, Whammy Burgering…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts #128 - SMOKIN' ACES
"Dog-pile of piss-poor physique on top of a small cock and hereditary alcoholism" Episode 128 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts #127 - VARSITY BLUES
"Now I want y'all to repeat after me: penis, penis, penis; vagina, vagina, vagina" Episode 127 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts #126 - WEDDING CRASHERS
"The painting was gift Todd" Episode 126 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2005 purple hearting, motorboating, under the…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts #125 - DICK TRACY
"Around me, if a woman don't wear mink, she don't wear nuttin'." Episode 125 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1990 tommy…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts #124 - STREET KINGS
"How can you shoot a guy taking a dump? I mean, seriously, that's sacred" Episode 124 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2008…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts #123 - THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS
"It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again" Episode 123 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1991 liver…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts #122 - A FEW GOOD MEN
"You can't handle the truth" Episode 122 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1992 Code Red-ing, softball bat thinking…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts #121 - THE MASK
"P-A-R-T-Y? Cos I GOTTA" Episode 121 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1994 red dress smouldering, wolf whistling, Cuban…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts #120 - VIOLENT NIGHT (CHRISTMAS SPECIAL)
"I steer a little bit, but the reindeer do most of the work" Episode 120 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2022 Santa…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts - BEST OF Vol 1
Here you go Cuts. The best of all the episodes so far. Our funniest clips so far as chosen by our wonderful patreons. Apologies for our absence. This is due to…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts #119 - NATIONAL LAMPOON'S CHRISTMAS VACATION (Christmas Special)
"Merry Christmas. Shitter was full" Episode 119 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1989 tree felling, sled crashing, cat…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts #118 - JINGLE ALL THE WAY (CHRISTMAS SPEICAL)
"PUT THE COOKIE DOWN, NOW" Episode 118 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1996 neighbour shagging, reindeer lamping…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts #117 - GREMLINS (CHRISTMAS SPECIAL)
"Rand Peltzer, Fantastic ideas for a Fantastic World, I make the illogical logical" Episode 117 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts #116 - THE VAN
"Do heavy metalers eat chips, Larry?" Episode 116 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1996 nappy battering, dog flattening…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts #115 - GOLDFINGER
"No Mr Bond, I expect you to die" Episode 115 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1964 ejector seating, bowler hat tossing…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts #114 - JARHEAD
"Hey, look! It's a cock, but smaller" Episode 114 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2005 pink misting, Deer Hunter viewing…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts #113 - THE GODFATHER
"I'll make him an offer he can't refuse." Episode 113 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1972 horse heading, tollbooth…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts #112 - THE OTHER GUYS
"I am a peacock, you gotta let me fly" Episode 112 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2010 TLC quoting, Gator pimping, Dirty…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts #111 - THE EXORCIST (HALLOWEEN SPECIAL)
"The power of Christ compels you" Episode 111 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1973 head spinning, pea soup vomiting, Mother…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts #110 - THE RITUAL (HALLOWEEN SPECIAL)
"My old scoutmaster used to say 'If the shortcut was a shortcut, it wouldn't be called a shortcut, it would be called a route" Episode 110 of Absolute Cuts…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts #109 - ROCKY
"Aaaaaaaddddddddrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiaaaaaaaannnnnnnn" Episode 109 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1976 meat pounding, stair…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts #108 - FOUR LIONS
"Rubber dinghy rapids bro." Episode 108 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2010 bleach buying, crow exploding, Dancing In The…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts #107 - INDECENT PROPOSAL
"Would you mind lending me your wife?" Episode 107 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1993 old man pumping, brick metaphoring…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts #106 - BRAVEHEART
"FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEDOM" Episode 106 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1995 primo noctusing, York sacking, hung drawn and…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts #105 - BLACK SWAN
"I just want to be perfect" Episode 105 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2010 pirouette-ing, plié-ing, arabesque-ing classic…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts #104 - SE7EN
"What's in the box"? Episode 104 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1995 force feeding, Wild Bill leathering, deadly sinning…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts #103 - SUPERMAN (1978)
"Your name is Kal-El. You are the only survivor of the planet Krypton." Episode 103 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1978…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts #102 - HARD BOILED
"Give a guy a gun, he thinks he's Superman. Give him two and he thinks he's God." Episode 102 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts #101 - RESERVOIR DOGS
"Are you gonna bark all day little doggy, or are you gonna bite?" Episode 101 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1992…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts #100 - JAWS
"Here's to swimming with bow-legged women" Episode 100 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1975 child eating, barrel raising…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts #99 - HEAT
"For me the action is the juice" Episode 99 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1995 armoured car ramming, street shootouting…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts #98 - DIRTY DANCING
"Nobody puts baby in the corner" Episode 98 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1987 watermelon carrying, backstreet…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts #97 - JUMPER
"I told you I'm different. I could have dropped you with the sharks." Episode 97 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2008…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts #96 - THE WOLF OF WALL STREET
"Sell me this pen." Episode 96 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2013 dwarf tossing, lude tanning, fun couponing classic The…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts #95 - WANTED
"I say kill them all, and let fate sort out the mess." Episode 95 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 2008 keyboard smashing…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts #94 - CHINATOWN
"Have you ever heard the expression "Let sleeping dogs lie"? Sometimes you're better off not knowing." Episode 94 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts #93 - FOOTLOOSE
"Did you ever get busted for bopping?" Episode 93 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1984 tractor chickening, mill swinging…
- Absolute Cuts With Mark Nelson & Ryan Cullen
Absolute Cuts #92 : SCHINDLER'S LIST
“Whoever saves one life, saves the world entire.” Episode 92 of Absolute Cuts sees hosts Mark Nelson and Ryan Cullen discuss the 1993 enamel making, red coat…