Shows / Hello Dysfunction
Hello Dysfunction
A raw and hilarious dive into current events, familial chaos, awkward sexual experiences, navigating mental illness, gossip, and the political dumpster fire we’re all forced to live in.
Episodes
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep314: MARK, Get In Here
Peez started kindergarten, Crystal had a relaxing birthday, perimenopause is killing us and sometimes you need to be a Karen. Common courtesy is dead, more…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep313: You Better Run
Happy Anniversary, Mexico was eventful, Crystal is not a traveler and Peez is a sour patch kid. Pat doesn’t own a mop, school is starting, no toilet services…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep312: Elizabeth?
Back on black cohosh, we have a new baby, this weekend was scary and we need a carpenter. Childhood photos, cannibal sandwiches, humans are still a…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep311: Golden River
Crystal got her hair done and a new piercing, 4loko cans are a warning, thrift prices are disrespectful and Pat got some bad news. Don’t puke in the sink…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep310: A Sad Origin Story
Things are getting better, Peez is hoarding, OCD just doesn’t make sense and farewell Great America. Crystal is still terrorizing Pat’s dreams, Trump didn’t…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep309: 309 - What Binders?
Pat is playing referee, Sunday was a flop, Crystal has been writing and was asked to babysit. RIP Amanda, no more pets, random singing and our government lies…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep308: A Summer Treat
RIP Antonio, we’re sweaty, Pat’s back is broken and CA has some new laws. Don’t get fake abs, change your towels out, OCD sometimes promotes good habits and…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep307: Not Everyone Gets A Sandwich
Weekend unboxing, Bunny’s birthday, a fire scare and old Italian tradition. A close call, don’t let your kids join the military, messy true crime and some…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep306: Bonsai
RIP Uncle Jimmy, Father's Day was cute, is WW3 happening and is MAGA waking up? Some people don’t deserve fans, WWF wrestling was NUTS, the government is…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep305: Geriatric Prostitute
Antique water heater for sale, Crystal did Zumba, Kaitlyn’s return and unicorn searches. Bloody boots, we’re really sweaty, new teeth option and FCK ICE. For…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep304: Are They Cigaretting?
It’s 304 day, pride and men’s mental health awareness month! A busy weekend, Filipino karaoke and Crystal thinks she’s a poet. The boycotts aren’t over, don’t…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep303: Don't Tell My Family
Pat really likes her doctor, always kiss the judge’s a*s, root canals are bad for you and Peez is outta control. Comedy show update, tired of the credit score…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep302: Take The Scissors
It’s Stevi and Pat’s birthday, mammograms aren’t that bad, Crystal gave herself a haircut and Pat is warming up to animals. Eat better for your health, is…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep301: That's Horny Time
Mother’s Day recap, Pat had a busy weekend, new possible beauty treatment and Crystal has an unwanted admirer. Miss Piggy was not ok, Pat is being set up…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep300: We Both Got Gems
Avon is mysteriously at CVS, Pat is having some scary stuff, we have matching jewels and need to stop speaking things into existence. Crystal has been sad…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep299: You're No Good
Pat had another dream about Crystal, shopping with Carolyn is always fun, the impending doom of having something to do and sometimes our bodies are against us…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep298: Wiener Reset
Pat’s had a hard week, Mark is keeping secrets, doctors don’t know everything and we curl our twos. Elvis was carrying a child, chew your coconut oil…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep297: I Know Better Than You
Crystal has lips, Pata Fria had a lonely weekend, Tahoe was turnt and merch is on the way. Surgery is coming up, Pata Fria wants an old school, catch our live…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep296: Use It Or Lose It
The cats are in big trouble, Pata Fria is being humbled, Crystal made a medical device and all our kids are unique. Ghosts are acting up, our government is…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep295: Never Knew A F*ck
We’re redecorating the set, Crystal finally dissolved her lips, medication adjustments are still happening and influenza is around again. Crystal had a kind…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep294: Vaginal Water Gun
Abrupt weather changes are frustrating, Target is feeling the boycott, Aunt Flo is mean and we want Crystal back to herself. Sweet Potatoes are helping, new…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep293: Where's My Provider Lesbian?
Itsnotreal is a terrorist state, Home Depot was not welcoming to Pat, don’t trust raggedy dentist offices and Crystal had a really close call. Going to sleep…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep292: Agent of Chaos
Crystal is sick, it’s raining again, make sure you subscribe on your web browser and Pat embarrassed herself once again. Don’t sniff salts, we love green…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep291: Shut Up & Square Dance
We were rollie pollies, everyone should have exotic animals at work, Pat is a pool shark and may have got dosed. It’s time to find Uncle Crissss, women gotta…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep290: I Have To Use My Mouth
Don’t drink a whole pot of coffee, Pat needs her glasses, all-star is finally over and watch out for red flags. Crystal was back at the hospital, tv used to be…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep289: Ladies of the Night
Crystal is adjusting to a new medication, be your own valentine, Pat is working toward her independent goals and Stevi had a hospital visit. Trump is so petty…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep288: Amen To Jesus
It’s been storming out, Mondays are for doctors appts, Pat is starting new meds and we learned a gross fact about our eyes. It’s Black History Month, practice…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep287: Indian Sex Chat
It’s Groundhog Day, dementia is not for the weak, Peez is punching people and Bunny went on a date. Mark needs to grow his hair out, jail dating can be…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep286: Rest In Piss
We’re back! Happy Birthday Stinkers, Peez loves Sugawolf, Nyah finally got a good doctor and you might still be carrying your baby daddy’s DNA. We live in…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep285: Do You Have Lover?
Crystal had some major dental work, RIP Cat Woman, we need a shed and car stuff can be overwhelming. Carolyn won’t listen and Jimbo might be her roommate…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep284: Is He A Capricorn?
Co-sleeping is amazing, a few cigs are good as a treat, the 90s had the best shoes and stockings are Crystal’s jam. Peez loves Jesus, women are magic, don’t be…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep283: Disgusting Gender
Cults are fascinating, Carolyn’s chemical warfare, billionaires are scum and we’ve made some mistakes. Older kids are a different kind of stress, sometimes you…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep282: Mark's Favorite Episode
Crystal had food poisoning and deleted our texts, Pat loves Home Depot and has been locked in with the DIYs. Playing 432hz at night might relax you OR…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep281: Poor People Ornaments
1970 was 30yrs ago, Pat started a new tattoo, Crystal is researching classified CIA docs and CEOs should be worried. Humans aren’t meant to be this busy, we…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep280: Sponge On a Stick
It’s nice seeing family, salt might be causing migraines, Crystal was on a hunt for “Crisssssss” and we’re getting back in the gym. Experiences are better than…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep279: Gay Christmas Love
Pat is your lesbian aunt that loves bowling, cigarettes are making a comeback, angry kids are not fun and angry cops are even worse. Everyone’s getting…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep278: Sweet Ass Ride
The universe gave us a Christmas blessing, American dental work pricing is shameful, increase your fiber and stay away from the Bad News Bears. Peez is…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep277: Hell Yeah Brother
The energy is off in the world, you can’t be an outlaw AND a bootlicker, follow criminal etiquette and you have to eat food. Merch orders are now open, pedis…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep276: I'd Rather Be Pregnant
Doctors can be frustrating, Carolyn’s friends aren’t robots, don’t ignore your ailments and hang with us on discord! Don’t be mean to us, teen years are for…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep275: I'm Calling America's Most Wanted
Unexpected expenses are so rude, exes need to stay away, men still don’t know how to act and RIP MIMI. Customer service has gone down the toilet, we don’t want…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep274: Boner Killer
So many birthdays, there’s guns at school, colonization never stopped and Crystal went thrifting with our patrons. Santana takes all the shine, back to back…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep273: The Boozy Brothers
Happy Anniversary HD!!! Don't tell people what you think of their body, praying for Hurricane Milton, and we love a good Freudian slip. Teenagers are not…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep272: Let's Have Less
We’re sweating again, Billy had a pet raccoon, Pat’s vagina is causing serious problems and men shouldn’t work in gynecology. Is WW3 upon us, we’re not…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep271: Hubba Hubba
Marcellus Williams shouldn’t have died, deathbed confessions are common, skunks are REEKING havoc and the car problems continue. We’re all tired of gross men…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep270: They Tried It
We’re ALL in trouble, Pata Fria and Carolyn are sisters, cigarettes are Crystal’s love language and dentists are scamming. Everyone’s getting hacked, FB…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep269: A Game With No Winners
Carolyn has had enough of Crystal, Peez is making great choices, decorating is fun and Stinkers has been having a rough week. Our kids are never moving out, we…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep268: There's a Bitch in My Bed
We saw baby bobcats! don’t discuss dreams till after you eat, RIP Phil Donahue, don’t punish your statues and Pata Fria finally moved. Fully screen anyone…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep267: I'm Busy Flirting
Happy Anniversary to Crystal and Mark!, T needs to leave Crystal alone, be careful who you’re doing favors for and Carolyn wants Jake. Pata Fria is trying new…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep266: Don't Just Do It
Pata Fria has a shoulder injury, Crystal can see the notes from her psych evaluation, avoid processed meats and pervs are hiding cameras. Someone sh*t near…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep265: Flicking Your Bean
Pata Fria has different hair, Nyah’s party was a success, Peez is still being Peez and Crystal completed a very important appointment. Pata Fria has been manic…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep264: Closed Hit Fist
We’ve had a rough week. Nyah’s cotillion is coming, Pata Fria played a crazy prank, Carolyn acted a fool in Target and there’s a special use for tape. Kamala…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep263: How's Your Mom?
We had some beauty treatments, it’s Jimbo’s birthday, Stinkers might need surgery and our judicial system is a JOKE. Mosquitos are evil, what’s your communion…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep262: I'm Free Bleeding
We’re back!! Crystal is feeling better, the hot weather is annoying, Charlene got Carolyn for her retirement gift and books are being enjoyed. Crystal’s adhd…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep261: Lonely Days
The presidential debate was embarrassing, it’s now illegal to be homeless, happy birthday Bunny and Peez allows Crystal to sing with her. Stevi is truly…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep260: Working Out For Evil
Happy Juneteenth! The episodes are climbing, Pata Fria has mom hair, is praying for a new house and starting sleeping pills. This is a fitness podcast, we love…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep259: It's Kismet
Pata Fria was sick, Richard has the best awkward experience yet, Bay Area apartments are SAD and boy moms are not ok. Keep your kids out of your social media…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep258: White Death Paste
We’re recovering from a busy week, stomach bugs are going around, Peez is very two-faced and Crystal has a new hangout. Angering update about Graham, we hate a…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep257: Hide The Crack
Crystal created an amazing protein drink, the workouts continue, we’re fond of mullets and Peez is not being nice. There are some cool discounts for low income…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep256: It's Still About Me
Hot weather is upon us, pollen is in full attack mode, Crystal got stretched and mental health is a constant struggle. Music in the 90s was filth, we are not…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep255: I'm Gifted
Don’t drink milk. Pistachio desserts are top tier. If you see someone stealing no you didn’t and dogs don’t wanna be cops. All of May is Pata Fria’s birthday…