Shows / Hello Dysfunction
Hello Dysfunction
A raw and hilarious dive into current events, familial chaos, awkward sexual experiences, navigating mental illness, gossip, and the political dumpster fire we’re all forced to live in.
Episodes
- Hello Dysfunction
S2 Ep373: Happy Birthday, He’s Engaged
It doesn’t feel like Halloween, doctor’s scales are liars, always thrift wool and Brian is dead. Hippos love pumpkins, being cringe on IG, maga minaj is…
- Hello Dysfunction
S2 Ep372: If It’s Sticky, I’m Not Buying It
I want a mannequin with lashes, lipstick, and absolutely no fucking surprises. Unfortunately, buying one used has me asking questions I never wanted to ask…
- Hello Dysfunction
S2 Ep371: Humbled by Taco Bell
A $50 Taco Bell order turns into a very humbling phone call. Pat is solo this week, talking lash-appointment panic, iced coffee at job interviews, and knowing…
- Hello Dysfunction
S2 Ep370: You’re a Fed
Your first period, the boys are crying, Alloclae complications and Christa Pike won’t quit. No for-profit prisons, is Gypsy Rose back on her bs, self defense…
- Hello Dysfunction
S2 Ep369: Would You Cheat On A Murderer ?
Fall is finally here, Gloria Estefan is alive, nail glue remover is worth it and Pat will drink iced coffee from a stranger. Justice for Nolan Wells, underwear…
- Hello Dysfunction
S2 Ep368: Use Your Nose
Trust your nose, no men in gynecology, floating meditation and addictive phone games. Gas station rip offs, pray for the tenderloin, worst bday gift ever and…
- Hello Dysfunction
S2 Ep367: SilverDaddies Support Group
Welcome JP! Santana is 6, Pat and Lev are overheating, designer grandmacore, and Fat Joe is embarrassing. Adidas with another “mistake”, the Blueface circus…
- Hello Dysfunction
S2 Ep366: Lindsay Is Innocent
Pat got good biopsy news, Santana survived the dentist, Mochi is making sin biscuits and love bombing is never safe. AI is getting darker, Lexus is watching…
- Hello Dysfunction
S2 Ep365: Disgusting Habits
Pat had a biopsy, AIDS at the club, the Silly Summer Swap and Peez needs to fight. Praying for Chantel Brooks safe return, 20 years with Santa Muerte, flock…
- Hello Dysfunction
My Other Daughter ft Lil Debbie - Patreon Exclusive (bonus episode)
Welcome back Debbie! Early influencing, touring together, the music business and a manager was stealing. Getting older, quitting weed, leaving rap and…
- Hello Dysfunction
S2 Ep364: Dick Doctor
Kids don’t need lashes, Pat got a unique gift, the live show is postponed, and adult humor where it doesn’t belong. Cat and Jack program, a creative paint…
- Hello Dysfunction
S2 Ep363: P**sy Injections
Getting ready for school, Pat is a driver, a mystery biopsies are medieval and Peez has a secret. A live show is coming, hoarders are dedicated, eshays are…
- Hello Dysfunction
S2 Ep362: Thursday Is Orange
Old people forget ages, object empathy might be hereditary, the kids are obsessed with Michael Jackson the Netflix trend is getting crazy. People are lying…
- Hello Dysfunction
S2 Ep361: Evil Rice
Isolating is nice, a horrible discovery, old men love young girls and more stores are scanning our face. Did Kendra overreact, no more vacation excursions, is…
- Hello Dysfunction
S2 Ep360: I Got Hacked
A weird sore throat, a persistent hacker, Peez is a ballerina and Pat is blocked. Monitor your kids devices, Boosie got some karma, scary poop stories and even…
- Hello Dysfunction
S2 Ep359: Dirty Mackin
Pat is turning into that cat lady, Lev has a new friend, July 5th is Dre Day and justice for Nolan Wells! Chris Brown is a menace, stealing sauce, stop using…
- Hello Dysfunction
S2 Ep358: Meet The Host
Happy Birthday Big Juice, late night recording, some must see documentaries and a lengthy reintroduction. For weekly bonus episodes, HD chat, early releases…
- Hello Dysfunction
S2 Ep357: Who's More Elegant
Summer camp sounds good, free cussing days, shoutout to the great dads and happy birthday Bunny!! Flower wars, no sleepovers, an internal yawn and put on a…
- Hello Dysfunction
S2 Ep356: We’re Not Animals
Summer break has started, Bunny is turning 18, some wild documentaries and Peez needs a band-aid. Don’t declaw animals, no eye contact, figging not fogging and…
- Hello Dysfunction
S2 Ep355: Her Other Mom ft Natalia Durazo
Welcome Natalia! Being a true LA girly, early face tattoos, being allergic to THC and recreating hood classics. Running multiple businesses while honoring a…
- Hello Dysfunction
S2 Ep354: "Naked Woman" ft Alex Kekesi w PornHub
Welcome Alex! Surround yourself with creatives, long live Mook Life, debunking harmful PH rumors and SW is hard work. Unexplained censorship, viewers can spot…
- Hello Dysfunction
S2 Ep353: 7-11 Dance Off ft 2 Soliid
Welcome 2Soliid! Becoming an award winning braider, teaching incarcerated women, the importance of multiple hustles and staying out of trouble. Processing…
- Hello Dysfunction
S2 Ep352: You're Scaring The Hoes ft Abe
Welcome Abe! Home school, the Bay Area’s weird white culture, Juggalos and a respectable scam. San Francisco’s shift, gentrification, Swamp Storiez reveal and…
- Hello Dysfunction
S2 Ep351: Chili Finger
We’re keeping our jean jackets, tattoo is finished, medication adjustments and a wild hospital visit. Mother’s Day was rough, boys are becoming “hot”, chili…
- Hello Dysfunction
S2 Ep350: Blame The Worms ft Jaymee
Welcome Jaymee! RIP Midnight, a weekend getaway, wild birthday parties and permanent effects of SSRI’s. Scotch tape is more useful than we thought, watch your…
- Hello Dysfunction
S2 Ep349: Zoom Out ft Mykillah
Welcome Mykillah! Stay Golden, we’re becoming the Jetsons, love makes you softer and a medication journey. Early perimenopause, loving yourself, the guilt of…
- Hello Dysfunction
S2 Ep348: Wash Your Panties
Where are the gas boosters, too many hats, hurts to walk and our girl is getting surgery. Bring back executions, my time with a Little, don’t eat inside…
- Hello Dysfunction
S2 Ep347: Crying In The Donut
They can’t arrest us all, the church is on the way, Stephanie was combative and social anxiety is crippling. Waking up to an actual nightmare, what happened to…
- Hello Dysfunction
S2 Ep346: Dicksappointed ft Jose - EXPLICIT
Welcome back Jose! Living vicariously, sniffies action shots, men catfishing and passionate making out. Making it clap, danglers, hidden glory holes and the…
- Hello Dysfunction
S2 Ep345: Granny Pants ft Elrod (@mexakitsch)
Welcome Elrod!! The exhilaration of a thrift score, Pat’s grown woman foot, moving to the Bay Area and understanding that failure is a lesson. Creating an…
- Hello Dysfunction
S2 Ep344: Slight Flare ft Kris Staxx
Welcome Kris Staxx! Our kids are our biggest haters, the private school experience, square up and Juice Week pt 2. Hit a parlay, waiting in lines for shoes…
- Hello Dysfunction
S2 Ep343: Freaky Furs ft Deltrice
Welcome Deltrice! RIP Myspace, St. Patrick’s ugly history, prayers for Lev and DJ Fresh’s keen intuition. Growing up with a natural gift, the introduction of…
- Hello Dysfunction
S2 Ep342: Horny Poetry ft Miss Ashleigh
Welcome Miss Ashleigh! Great minds think alike, growing up in the country, ancestry surprises and psychology studies. Radio shows, spoken word, navigating the…
- Hello Dysfunction
S2 Ep341: Woman of Leisure ft Sexy Nelly
Welcome Nelly! Gas station hostage, sickness is going around, intro to the game and girls are sexualized EARLY. Always trust your gut, spicy online content…
- Hello Dysfunction
S2 Ep340: Three Day Run
Been a busy girl, unexpected visitor, great Bay Area representation and Gavin should stop talking. A local kidnapping, pray for Mexico, RIP PeeWee and don’t be…
- Hello Dysfunction
S2 Ep339: Rub Maps ft Alyssa
Welcome Alyssa! We love good maintenance, are women the gross ones, men will do anything and a provider does not want your man. Don't discuss too much on the…
- Hello Dysfunction
S2 Ep338: Not Mething Around ft Jose
Welcome Jose! Super Bowl weekend , fold your clothes, we don’t understand numbers and college is hard. Neighbors being ridiculous, driving ticket tips, Kraft…
- Hello Dysfunction
S2 Ep337: Not My Stud ft Jaymee
Meet niece Jaymee, another earthquake, testing Pat’s memory and 2026 is not being nice. Eat the rich, Elon is humiliating, Blueface is back and stop hiding the…
- Hello Dysfunction
S2 Ep336: “It’s Me….Hello”
It’s been a rough week, neurodivergent headquarters, rethinking barber school and congratulations to raffle winners LUVY and TESSA JENKINS!! TikTok is cooked…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep335: Boston Beckham
Crystal is doing better, guest episodes are coming, Happy Birthday Stinkers and Xmas is gone. Congratulations Rubi Ro and Carmen, it costs more to be left…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep334: Jacosta
Peez is a feisty old woman, Pat’s been cooking, Crystal made a mistake and hands off Venezuela. Abolish ICE, new holsters, a surprise protein source and stay…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep333: Happy New Year 2026
Nice coats, big cleaning plans, NYE traditions and prime thrifting. School for fun, Mochi is innocent, give us our plastic bags and the United States is an…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep332: A Christmas Miracle
Disclaimer: we’ve experienced some technical difficulties this week so our apologies for the sound quality!! They have since been corrected so next week will…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep331: Crazy As A Betsy Bug
Pat is sick, telepathy is real, it’s ok to be a gremlin and the holiday party was LOVE. Christmas can be every day, let’s play QVC, POTUS finds a new low and…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep330: Do A Bump
Pat is the grinch, we hate inconsiderate neighbors, check on your mom if she screams and 67 is not a devil number. Dressing for attention is over, always use…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep329: Dirty White Gremlin
Celebs will always let you down, don’t claim to be native unless you have proof, the holiday party is almost here and increase pay for all teachers! Cats speak…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep328: The San Francisco Treat
The holidays are here, eat some weevils, we love a mullet and Zach had a nice breakfast. Crystal had an oops, there’s something strange in the neighborhood…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep327: AC Transit Belt
Get your Holiday Hangout tickets, old episodes are crazy, Crystal loves dirty bears and grief is weird. Growing up without parents is hard, don’t gamble with…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep326: Christmas Committee
Earthquake! Happy Birthday Carolyn, we had a garage sale and no more pennies. Teeth are a luxury, Christmas is cancelled, churches aren’t walking the walk and…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep325: Wiener War
Happy Birthday Will! Crystal is in disguise, daylight savings is whooping us and poor people can scam. We’re only good at war, push kids to learn phonics…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep324: Grandpa Stew
Marysville is different, we’ve been mispronouncing words, turn off automatic braking and we want women drivers. Pat made a calm down corner, ghosts are…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep323: I Don't Got The Spirit
The universe said Pat’s been too happy, people have been mean to Crystal, Blueface is possibly Pat’s soulmate and Peez dances to her own drum. Don’t knock…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep322: Those Are Garfield's Words
Happy 7 years, Columbus Day my *ss, sunglasses at the gym and no more jean jackets? White dog poop, nostalgic snacks, some new bills and separate beds. For…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep321: He Had Pony Tails
Teach your kids to keep their hands to themselves, Crystal had an awkward encounter, Peez taught herself piano and Happy Birthday Kandi! We miss churro…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep320: In Women's Business
Don’t copy Peez’ mom, Crystal misses Jnco’s, the daytime isn’t so bad and today is Orange Shirt Day. Spumoni is a top tier dessert, let people wear what they…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep319: More Nightmares
Earthquakes and indecisive weather, dreaming of scams, Bay Area crime cases and some good Facebook drama. An interesting theory on soulmates, Peez is a baker…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep318: I Step On Men
Crystal had big feet, Pat is a fitness girly, Mochi had an adventure and Peez’ teacher messed up. Book club ideas, horrible unsolved murders, the U.S. is under…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep317: I Feel Like Ozzy
Nice Crystal’s dead, Pat’s having weird dreams again, a mystery tea set and a new P.O. Box. Sharing symptoms is rude, Peez had the best birthday ever, karma…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep316: BPD Is A Great Thing
First day of school again, bathroom residents, Crystal has a wound and we’ll finally get some relief. Pat has a dad Crystal has a mom, Unknown Caller was wild…
- Hello Dysfunction
S1 Ep315: Montel, I'm Mad At You
Don’t waste your bangs, escape rooms are fun, always shop with a list and cries without tears are a tell. Did we love a fraud? Men need to step it up, kids…