Shows / Bitch Bible
Bitch Bible
A podcast that dares to say what many are thinking, but only a bitch would say. Expect unfiltered and unapologetic discussions about sex, millennial struggles, pop culture, social faux-pas and hopefully, an insightful takeaway. Nothing is off limits. Hosted by Jackie Schimmel, creator of blog “The Bitch Bible," and your soon-to-be bitchy (and super neurotic) best friend.
Episodes
Bitch BibleBump Bible: Everything’s About to Change… Again
38 weeks and Jackie is on the home stretch. She’s tootling, she’s baking, she’s redecorating, and doing anything but sitting still. Bring on the epidural!…
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I Can See Everything
Jackie is fresh from seeing the Elizabeth Holmes documentary, explains dark energy, and Clyde motorboats Heather McMahan. Thanks for supporting my sponsors…
Bitch BibleBump Bible: Not a Bottle, Not a Swaddle
Week 36 and shit's getting real. Jackie is working the Schimmel Swindle on Clyde, has plans to redecorate the hospital's birthing suite, and could be weeks or…
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I Don't Fucking Care
Jackie is experiencing PTSD flashbacks to last year’s backyard flood and discusses Selma Blair’s biting habit, flashes her hot gardener, and crafts the perfect…
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Bitch Bible Classics: Bloated, British, and Bitchy.
Jackie returns from London bloated and bitchier than ever. She recaps Real Housewives drama, her trip abroad, a diagnosis of OCD and gives awful life advice…
Bitch BibleBump Bible: Ma. Ma. Bear.
Week 33 and Jackie is looking in-credible; the jaw is sharp, she’s glowing, and dreaming of a scarf-clad, post-baby jaunt around Paris, but she’ll settle for a…
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Call Me Jackeigh
Jackie addresses some nonsense internet backlash, plans the perfect glam lewk, and questions Kelly Clarkson’s sanity. Thanks for supporting my sponsors: Tonal…
Bitch BibleBump Bible: The Anemic Angel
30 weeks and Jackie isn’t slowing down at all. She’s shopping for fresh trees, reveling in the attention from her purple bandage, and enjoying the holy trinity…
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Cushions in Captivity
Jackie is ready for Off Brand October and is reminded of the enormous stupidity of the general population, stalks a man over patio cushions, and has not one…
Bitch BibleBump Bible: Gestational Diabetes Warrior
28 weeks and Jackie aces her gestational diabetes test, reveals that pregnant women online are the new Al-Qaeda, and gives an update on the level of her…
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Effortlessly Cool with Heather Dubrow
Jackie sits down with Heather Dubrow to discuss how important she is to RHOC, why feeling like a local while traveling is overrated, and how much time is spent…
Bitch BibleBump Bible: Winded and Panting and Gasping
24 Weeks and we're viable, baby! Whatever that means. Jackie is doing what she can to feel as luxurious as possible: elevated water, candles, and forever…
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Speedballing
It’s Yom Kippur and Jackie reflects on life to find she’s perfect in every way, but she hates her family and the backyard renovation is dangerously close to…
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Bitch Bible Classics: Atonement Lewks
Jackie celebrates Yom Kippur the day of atonement by deflecting her own wrongdoings. She discusses how the Fall solstice ruins lives, the groundbreaking news…
Bitch BibleBump Bible: Push It
22 weeks and you know what, Jackie’s feeling pretty good. She's accepted the reality of having two boys, discovered a miserable community of mother’s to-be on…
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A Place of No
Jackie is channeling Kelly Killoren Bensimon, is all out of fucks to give, and unleashes her wrath on something that not nearly enough people are angry about…
Bitch BibleBump Bible: So Close, Yet So Far
Week 20 and Jackie is halfway through! But only halfway through… She’s passing the time playing one-way hide and seek, planning the nursery, and groundhogging…
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There Can Be Only One Beyoncé with Craig Conover
Jackie sits down with Southern Charm's Craig Conover to talk about appropriate drinks to order on a date, the Destiny’s Child dynamic in a relationship, and…
Bitch BibleBump Bible: Fat Fat Fat
Week 16 and Jackie is feeling joyful and light, and finds herself understanding Phaedra Parks, eating an alarming amount of Red 40, and planning her future…
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Anti-Fungal Bitch
Jackie is holed up with her pistol packing housekeeper and discusses Andrew’s sloth-like response time in emergencies, her recent ingestion of a canine…
Bitch BibleBump Bible: I Am Baby
Week 14 and Jackie has turned a corner. She’s having a blast being her best bitchiest self, enjoying forbidden sushi, and letting everything hang out. See…
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Painfully Particular
Jackie is fresh off a trip to Ojai and discusses the hellscape of hotel children’s pools, Blake Lively’s cake baking, and the gift of an awkward birthday text…
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Bitch Bible Classics: New Money Valley Stripper
Jackie accidentally ingests aluminum foil, has a come to Jesus moment over a 1 star review, has another psychotic break about why she can't get guests and deep…
Bitch BibleBump Bible: It's a... Bitch
Week 12 and Jackie is coming out of the woods of her first trimester, finally enjoying food again, and ready for a gender reveal. See Privacy Policy at…
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My Birthday Hate List 2026
Welcome to the Second Annual Jackie Schimmel Bitch Bible Spectacular 2026 List of Things I F****** Hate, in honor of her birthday. See Privacy Policy at…
Bitch BibleBump Bible: Regret & Robitussin
It's week 10. Jackie is in the depths of despair while fighting off a cold and she has a few words for the keyboard Kelseys. See Privacy Policy at…
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Last Stop with Stassi Schroeder
Jackie is joined by Stassi Schroeder to talk all about her #1 hit show, House of Stassi, the do's and don'ts of holiday home decor, and how to be a star. See…
Bitch BibleBump Bible: Vinaigrette Measures
Week 8. Lights are dim, nausea closing in... Jackie stares into the abyss as she recalls the homemade remedies she took to ensure Clyde's younger sibling…
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Woman in Crisis!
Jackie has a harrowing near death experience with her geriatric grandmother, tackles climate change and recaps the latest pop culture happenings. See Privacy…
Bitch BibleBump Bible: A Gender Bender
It is week 7 and the symptoms are symptoming. The future demon seed is the size of a blueberry and driving Jackie into the arms of a Wetzels Pretzels whilst…
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Entertaining the Masses with Nina Parker
Jackie sits down with tv host Nina Parker to discuss their days together in Entertainment TV, why Jackie hates check-ins, and Clyde's alien abduction story…
Bitch BibleBump Bible: Trepidatious
Week 6 and Jackie is in limbo. Things are starting to get real, but she can’t tell anyone about the pregnancy yet. Except everyone at her local Italian Deli…
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Straight Outta Economy
Jackie is getting back to her economy roots and discusses a confrontation at Nordstrom Rack, manipulating pregnancy in her favor, and the joy of Ashley Judd’s…
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Bitch Bible Classics: Loner Boner
Jackie recaps the Real Housewives, the local hero that lost it after no birthday gift and delights listeners with a Grammy worthy vocal performance! See…
Bitch BibleWelcome to the Bump Bible
Jackie begins a chronicle of her second pregnancy, speaking directly to moms with deep maternal care, understanding, and Plan B jokes. See Privacy Policy at…
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The Chosen One
The stars have aligned to bring back El Pollo Loco’s BBQ Black Beans and the Taco Bell Enchirito just as Jackie is starting her third trimester and ravenously…
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Dork Dork 2000
Jackie celebrates the union of Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce by reviewing their modest guest list, describes Clyde’s role in her recent public nudity, and…
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Community in Misery.
Jackie’s in a mood after being continuously serenaded by Shakira seven days a week and discusses the most recent kerfuffle in the backyard renovation, her…
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The Patina Princess
Jackie is hunkered down against toxic smoke and gives an update on the backyard renovation, ridicules Andrew’s new recreational basketball league, and marvels…
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Bitch Bible Classics: $6.66
Jackie gets baptized after a demonic bowl of poke, discussed the highly anticipated sequel to "Frankly, Anne" and offers free public relation guidance to…
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Ugly, Fat, Poor
Jackie’s back after two weeks of guests and ready to rip into pregnancy discomfort, Anna Faris’ media appearances, and Kathleen. Especially Kathleen. See…
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Future Rich with Haley Sacks
Jackie is joined by Haley Sacks, Mrs. Dow Jones herself, to discuss making good decisions with money, why at-home laser hair removal is more financially…
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Red Flags with Jared Freid
Jackie sits down with Jared Freid to discuss men worshiping at the altar of options, bridesmaid inflection, male influencers, and Jared’s new book Walking Red…
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A Duplex of Disdain
Andrew makes a rare appearance to attest to Jackie’s record-setting recent bitchiness, while she gives the world a warning, reveals her kink, and updates her…
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Bitch Bible Classics: Meet Me At Alcatraz!
Jackie leaves the country with a real bang by planning the Bitch Bible retreat at Alcatraz island, shares her most recent valley kabob experience, Selena Gomez…
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AcTuALLy
Jackie has a fresh appreciation for Bitch Bible listeners and gives her new critics a mantra to repeat, shares some big personal news, and contemplates…
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Hallelujah
Jackie is fresh off celebrating herself for Mother’s Day and rips overly sentimental holiday social media posts, continues her delayed review of Summer House…
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The Bitch Wears Prada, Too
Jackie is back from a weekend of circus acts, self-care, and Miranda Priestly and recounts a surprising trip to a psychic, reviews the Devil Wears Prada 2, and…
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You Good Girl?
Jackie is getting over being possessed by a mysterious illness and gives her final thoughts about Alex Cooper and Alix Earle, describes how Clyde is a…
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Blonde on Blonde Crime
Jackie sits down with Morgan Stewart to weigh in on the Alex Cooper/Alix Earle fallout, how they are going to manufacture their own feud, and what’s wrong with…
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Bitch Bible Classics: Long Shame Strategy
This is a great episode, Jackie recaps how King Richard changed her life, the time she got kicked out of a youth sports league for breaking someone's nose, and…
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You Don’t Deserve Her
Jackie is solo parenting AGAIN and praises women at the Masters, addresses future concerns about her health due to her soon to be protruding clavicles, and…
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This Is Me Trying
Jackie has settled into spring and discusses proper parenting at wineries, gives a lukewarm review of Summer House, and tries to explain her alien frog…
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An-tweaking
Jackie is fresh off a little reckless antiquing to discuss Gloria’s termite infestation, her philanthropic passion for serving alcohol in old folks homes, and…
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Diagnosis: Bitch
Behold Jackie, Destroyer of Content, discusses Taylor Frankie Paul’s implosion, Melissa Wood-Tepperberg’s self indulgent ADHD diagnosis, and current online…
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Bitch Bible Classics: Keep Eating
Jackie talks making babies, Real Housewives and consults Grandma Gloria for movie reviews. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California…
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Live, Laugh, Bulimia
Jackie is coming off a social media fast and recounts Gloria’s recent near death experience, reviews the Oscars fashion, and graces listeners with answers to…
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Slapping the Bass, Slapping Your Face
After reviewing past episodes Jackie realizes the show is as great as it has ever been, issues an apology, discusses her blunt but honest communication style…
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Paranormal Bitchxperience
Jackie is back from a grueling commercial shoot and talks about the toll of being social, the two approved methods of socialization for females, and a…
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Sisterhood of the Tic Tac Penis with Girls Gotta Eat
Jackie is joined by Ashley and Rayna from Girls Gotta Eat to talk about micro-penises, their four and a half hairs, Jackie’s recent exorcism, and Pampas grass…