Latest / From Sad Pick Me Girl to Alchemist / Episode 10 - You Can Understand Your Trauma and Still Feel Stuck. How to Let Go and Move Forward.
Transcript
- Denise: Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of From Sad Pick Me Girl to Alchemist. Here we talk about all things self-love, spirituality, and really finding your way home back to yourself. And I am super excited today because I posted a request on Threads to connect with people who were open to sharing their path towards. Helping others open their psychic abilities because I think that that's something that's very important as you develop your relationship with yourself to really be able to understand yourself and to understand our purpose here on earth. And so I was overwhelmed by the responses. I was expecting to receive maybe just a handful of people who would be willing. And I again I had not experienced that level of response, and it was overwhelming, but in the best way possible. And I set the intention that I would connect with the person that was most aligned because of course all those people have something to offer but to me it really was about finding that person that was the right fit who I felt would best serve not just myself and what I was trying to experience but everyone who was listening as well. So with that I connected with Melissa Armstrong here. She is going to introduce a little bit more about what she does but she is a healer. I'm so grateful have to have connected with her and I actually experienced a healing session myself and it was absolutely phenomenal and So I'm just super excited. If Melissa, if you want to talk a little bit about what you do, that'd be amazing. Melissa Armstrong: Hi, I am approaching my twentieth year of being an intuitive organic skincare specialist, which I translate into mind, body, spirit, skin healing. So with that said, I'm pretty sure I was born as a healer. I just didn't you know, you know it but you don't know it. So it's really my life. It's not just twenty years. it is my entire life's calling to aid in others' transformations and I have developed I don't If I can say gifts. If I say developed, I would say I've uncovered my gifts through this work. I've uncovered my gifts through the work that I do where I have a calling to work with people just to get to the root of whatever they're trapped in. And for everyone that's different. But as you experienced in one session, I have my intentional ways where I want to take somebody all the way to the bottom where you don't think there's any help or hope. And then I want to just floor it as quickly as possible to the other side. And that's what my methods do, I think. We can say that. But in a nutshell, just intuitive organic healing with an immediacy of a transformation. That's what I intend for everybody I work with. Denise: Okay. And when you say immediacy of a transformation, do you mean just a a feeling the difference right away? Is or what is it exactly? Can you elaborate on that? Melissa Armstrong: If you can also elaborate after me about how your session went when all of a sudden you knew I call it I'm on the other side. Like I was heavy, I felt dark, I felt isolated, I felt alone. And then the next thing you know, it's like I call it waving a magic wand, and then poof, you're on the other side. So the immediacy and transmi transformation is the opposite for me, where I was in counseling as young as eight years old, you know, diagnosed with ADHD, severe depression, lots of other things. And I got older, still in quote conventional therapy and the therapy that I had to go into, we know this could go very low and very dark very quickly with what I'm about to say, but going through domestic violence and sexual assault, sexual abuse counseling, when I felt like I was becoming healed, the counselors kept wanting to bring me back to the scene of my trauma. So I knew eventually if I keep going back there and what we think about expands, I'm not going to be able to fully heal. Denise: Yeah. Melissa Armstrong: And I realized that their intention for me was not for me to be free of it, but to keep me going back. So the immediate CO transformation for me and what I guide through is we do have to go back, but we have to go back with your your highest intention attached. And then you get to see it through a new perspective, and then you realize I don't have to keep this from the original perspective anymore. Denise: Right. Right. And we spoke about that. I think there are certain steps, of course, to healing. And that's not to say counseling and therapy is completely ineffective, but as I mentioned to you, I had spoken about everything that I'd gone through, even the more recent things. And I had already processed and I understood the role that it played and the things that I was required to learn. Of course, that's because I've done some of the work and I'm I understand life purpose and I understand that we all have lessons that we need to learn, right? But It was letting go of the pain that that had caused and it was trapped in my body. I and I that was what was blocking me from moving forward. And you understood that already in our first session. So when you say immediacy, yes, it was that because I didn't need to mentally process anymore, right? It was letting go of all those feelings that I had already experienced before. And you what you did allowed me to do that. And even in just what has it been a day? Melissa Armstrong: I'm Denise: I I feel so much better and I'm able to talk about it. Even I was speaking to my friend last night and I was like, it's almost like I was hanging on to the sadness because that was I thought that if I hung on to it a little longer that that it would means something, that it still meant that it meant something, and it means something regardless. Letting go of the sadness doesn't mean that the role that these people played in my life is insignificant anymore. But to me that's how I felt. It was almost like I needed to feel that in order to prove to myself that it meant something. Does that make sense at all? Melissa Armstrong: That that's incredible. And that takes me back to the first time we chatted, right? Which which only it's only been like less than a week of our like relationship. which is really funny. 'Cause it's like, the first time and then the session and then here as empaths I think deep down we believe, like in our psyches that Denise: I know. Melissa Armstrong: One, if I let go of this person's energy or, you know, their Yeah, I am gonna call it energy. If I let go of this person's energy, then I'm abandoning them. Because I think deep down that as I call it the Earth Angel complex, some of us are just so deep feelers. We know we have the capacity to hold, even if we bring ourselves to a breaking point, we'll keep holding people. Like we'll keep holding them because we're hoping and praying. If I keep holding them, maybe they will see the light, maybe they will change. Denise: Mm-hmm. Melissa Armstrong: maybe they will shift. One. The other one is if we're not abandoning them, I think it also brings us to a disempowerment because we lose ourselves when we're holding other people's pain. So it's kind of there's the two sides of it where okay I feel like I'm abandoning them energetically, spiritually if I do release this, but then also if I do release that, then what does that mean? Which will take us back to the question, now what? Denise: Yeah. Yeah. Melissa Armstrong: Which I believe is where you are at. You're at the now what? Mm-hmm. Denise: Exactly. And y yeah. And it's also interesting because I think I I mean I was told that I had trapped a lot of it in my body, but I I didn't know how to release it. So that's where I think people like you are so instrumental in helping people because there comes a point where yes we understand pat especially now, right? With a lot of the awareness that's out there about how our childhood can affect our relationship patterns in adulthood and the people that we attract. But sometimes it's not a matter of understanding anymore. It's a matter of What do we do next? Like you're saying now. Okay, and how do we transform that so that we can live a fulfilling life and start to choose relationships that are not even choose, attract relationships that are better for us and be able to strengthen our discernment so that we know when it's time to set a boundary and when someone's not gonna honor that, then we walk away. So I think that's where the work that you comes in is so important. And I wanna ask when people do find you and seek your your services. Where are they typically deep in the spiritual journey? It are they what does it look like? Because for me, of course, I'm I would consider myself somewhere in the middle, but I'm just curious, has anybody come and not had any awareness and they're like, hey, I just need something? Yeah. Melissa Armstrong: Completely. And then there's one I can think of and this is kind of just like a joke where I was feeling the vibes and I was feeling her healing. So we met for the first time. I gave her a session. She was a referral from another client who had experienced her transformation. And so I just went like all out woo-woo. I'm just doing my thing, I'm guiding, I'm feeling her energy. She doesn't say one word for the whole for the whole time, like s 75 minutes or so, okay. And then so I finally had to ask, like, how are you? Because I either pitched stew off. Like I either stirred up stuff, felt that you cleared it, but you didn't, or you actually experienced what I felt you were experiencing. And so after like what felt like an hour pause, which was only like 30 seconds, okay, because I'm like holding my breath, waiting to find out like what happened? Am I gonna see this woman again? Did I freak her out? And then finally she goes, So facials are your cover, huh? And I was like Denise: Yeah. Melissa Armstrong: And then I took a breath and then she's like, I'm gonna tell my friend like this, you know, this didn't work and this was you know, kinda like 'cause she's just a big goofball. But I I was able to sigh relief because she'd never experienced anything like that before. And then here I am and what I say is Denise: Yeah. Melissa Armstrong: one session or two or three or twenty, it will go as far as your readiness. And most people don't know how ready they are because mentally they're blocked. So the fear-based mind is blocking thinking if I actually try to heal this, they don't want to look at it again because they think they're gonna have to relive it. And through I'll say my work, I'll call it my work, or through the intuitive healing work, you're reliving it for like a second. Denise: Yeah. Melissa Armstrong: And then it's gone because we started getting into the the quantum mechanics of things, the quantum physics. The moment you look at something as the observer, that observation changes as you're looking at it. So you're you're the observer, the observation changes based on what you think you're seeing. So perception is reality. So that's what we're doing mentally and emotionally. Because what did I ask you in the beginning of your session? I said, Show me and show yourself what is your highest Energy at minimum feel like if you're a visual mind like me, then you get lots of visions, you can see things. So then I said, What does your energy look like? And then I said, Where is she? Right? So then you can be like, she was already inside. I'm like, Okay, so you're already connected, and then you realize I'm not disconnected from myself, and then that's when the body's like, she's connected, let's go. And then things start stirring and firing and swirling, and that's what you experienced, trying to put words. Denise: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Right. Yeah. Right. Right. And it's Melissa Armstrong: So Denise: it's funny because I I always say I'm somewhere in the middle, as I told you. Like of course I believe a hundred percent in spirituality, but I've tried some methods and I'm like, ooh, this doesn't feel for me. Immediately when I did it with you, I s I the body tingles are undeniable, right? And you can't like it's not me for I cannot mentally be like, okay, have body tingles. It was like not, it's not me forcing it. And they were in places that it like even Melissa Armstrong: Mm-hmm. Denise: on an a level that I've not experienced, because that's always been my thing. Like when somebody says something or that's I think my intuitive ping like the body tingles. So when well the work you were doing, it was on another level, next level stuff. It was very powerful and very transformational. And I always say there is no quick fix to everything, but I will say I think every time you do something it kind of it can help you slowly dig yourself out of a hole. But this was like one of those I feel like maybe I was like pushed Melissa Armstrong: Yeah. Denise: Like I was already almost there and it like, here you go, here's that nudge. And so yeah, it was amazing. And I also want to ask, so of course the reason that I had initially posted that thread was because of the psychic abilities. I think that that's something that we all can tap into. I think we all have the ability. Not everybody wants to. What do you think is the importance or I say benefit of doing so? Melissa Armstrong: Yeah, yeah. Yeah, right. Denise: And how and what do you need to do before, right? Because of course it's not I think before I'll just backtrack really quickly. I used to want to do that because I wanted to know the outcome of everything. Like, ooh, is this person gonna be for me? Like, is this he is he a good fit? And sometimes you just have to live. You you're not allowed to know those things, right? You can't live with this. That's almost living with a sense of wanting control over everything. And I only recently made that thing where like you don't get to know your whole life. And just because you have psychic abilities doesn't mean that you get to have this like clear path of this is the person. you should choose and this is the route you should go, right? So if you could just touch a little bit on your your take on that. Melissa Armstrong: Okay, so your question is opening psychic abilities, correct? Like if you're opening that, then what is the outcome? Okay. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Denise: Yes. Yeah, benefit, outcome, the the pros I guess of doing so. Melissa Armstrong: well we know that everyone's on their own personal journey. We know that. I do believe some of us are called more than others, and I don't know if I we might all be empaths deep down on some spiritual plane. so I'm trying to I'm trying to mentally process this when it's such like a spiritual concept, right? I think we all have the ability to wake the body up. And where we are conditioned for generations, like take this pill, do this exercise, right? Well, I mean, podcasts of course there's so much positive transformational guidance out there, but I also think there's a lot of sales commercialization where it pulls us from our body and then we don't realize that the answers are inside of us. So for me, in my history, which I know we haven't gotten into all of it other than little you know, little little pieces, going through severe trauma, severe abuse What happens is going back to what we just said about we end up holding all of that from other people, even as an empath. I do believe the healers know we're healers, but then we're mad at ourselves like, well, why can't I heal this person? Why can't I heal myself? So we're internalizing all of their stuff as our own, and then we can't separate theirs from ours until you're ready for we can call it your enlightenment, your awakening, your rebirth. There there's so many names, right? Your ascension, your elevation. That's what I was. Denise: Yeah. Melissa Armstrong: is Denise: Yeah. Melissa Armstrong: like technically first met I was like there's all these labels but the labels don't matter because the labels all they're going to do is turn into your individual experience. So I might wake somebody up quote so to say and they might be able to see auras or you know they might be able to see you know like past lives and so I I think we all have our different gifts in that aspect to use the word gifts. As far as benefit I think it goes from dark to light more than anything and constriction to expansion. So I think whatever and whomever feels when they go inward, or they can't even go inward because there's just so much stuff around, they can't go inward because their focus is just outside of them. That once you do and you are able to go inward That's I think I think I called it magic, right? Like that's where the magic happens, but that's where you realize that the body is not tormenting you and the body's not trying to bring you down. It's trying to get your attention so you can set it free because it doesn't have the tools. Which is different than saying like the body's a self-healer. The body's a self-healer when it's activated. So when it's holding any sort of trauma or abuse or negativity, as your podcast said, your other podcast. Denise: Yeah. Melissa Armstrong: cast that's all it knows until it's shown as I call like a higher perspective in you your spirit your energy you are that higher perspective so I don't even know if I answered your question yet going inward And then realizing whatever the body has to show me, if I'm truly not afraid of it, because one, I already survived it, right? I'm already here, I'm a survivor of whatever past experiences happened to me. So if my body is triggered or reliving it, it's triggered because it's trying to bring it to the surface. It's trying to bring it into my face, like look at me, I need help. But w the fear based mind comes in and says, No, I'm afraid of this, I can't look. And now this is going again back to our first session, where we mentioned Denise: Right. Melissa Armstrong: Fear can't see beyond itself. Sadness can't see beyond itself. So once you come in from the higher perspective, that's your answer. It's setting yourself free and everybody's gonna have like a different liberation experience. There. I'll say that. Yeah. Yeah. Denise: Hmm. Right. It's gonna look different for everybody. Yeah, no, that's super helpful. And I'm I'm also curious because I often wonder when people come and they need an extensive or maybe they go to you for different sessions, right? Like i is it just dependent on what exactly their needs are? Because I mean, I definitely could I mean I benefited from one session, I feel like I made instrumental. But does that mean that other sessions are not necessary? No, but right now I I really feel like For me, it's wanting to open up I I almost feel like I was blocking myself from my own intuitive gifts because I was afraid of I've always deferred to everybody else's expertise. And now it's like, okay, but what about you? Now you have to trust yourself. So it was really trusting myself and you gave me, you helped give me that ability and open up that ability to do so and what that develops over time, of course it's going to take time, right? It's not like all of a sudden I'm just gonna come out and be like all knowing. But I I'm curious what extensive more extensive sessions would look like and when someone would benefit from that. Melissa Armstrong: See now we're really getting into it because you know how I say you're you're trying to put words to experience. so just I mean, I I c it would be hard to describe all the things that I see or I've seen, but I'm pretty sure I have seen the formation of somebody's spirit turned into body. I have astrally traveled. I've seen what feels like angel realms and other people's like clients of mine because I tap into them, right? And then I connect Denise: Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Melissa Armstrong: to what I feel is their highest energy and then I channel that through to them. So I don't have any blockages on you or anybody else. So it makes it easy to be a channel when you've cleared all of your blockages, okay, all your negativity, your you know, your fear, your unworthiness, your despair. so for me I am very much a seer and an experiencer. Denise: Yeah. Melissa Armstrong: But I've seen my own past lives. And this is without having Akashic Records readings. Do you what I mean? It just kind of comes to me. So gosh, over this year, I mean, I I think I may have told you it's like over 30,000 healing sessions performed, and that's a lot of sessions. And then each one, pretty much, I mean, maybe other than five have been, you know, transformational energetic journeys because some people they say they're ready and then they're not. Denise: Yeah. Yeah. Melissa Armstrong: So you go to help them open and then the walls go up and it's not pretty. So when you do this work, you just have to decide I'm ready for the shift. I'm ready to feel different and act different. And what that means, the shift is really releasing what doesn't belong to you, which We somehow somewhere I really do believe this is empathic angelic healing stuff. Like some of us are just earth angels and we're we're here and we wanna heal and help everybody. Another term is people pleaser. But that benefits anybody, right? 'Cause we resent doing something we don't want to do, and then the person we're pleasing is never satisfied because they're not at a positive frequency. So anything you do, then you just keep feeding the I'm not good enough. I'm not good enough because no matter what I do, I still feel worthless and not Denise: Yeah. Melissa Armstrong: good enough because I can't please this person or these people. That makes sense to you. Yeah. Denise: Yeah, that definitely makes sense. And the people that come to you when they say they're ready, so is it a subconscious thing that makes them? Because if they say they're ready, because I I might th I'm that may be me too. I I was ready, but you know, there's like something subconsciously that people keep telling me, you have those gifts, you have those gifts. I'm like, what gift? Melissa Armstrong: Mm-hmm. Like, wait. Yeah, yeah. Well, if you're p if someone's telling you that and you're pulling from past experience, how much of that is going to be positivity for you? If you look back, is it gonna be like, I did this wonderful thing and this thing and this thing, or is it gonna be like, look at all these things that I did wrong? And I think you know what I mean? So the the past, some of us who have had just a struggle, maybe we've all had struggles, right? Internally, we've all just, you know, been dealing with our inner. Denise: Right. Melissa Armstrong: Battles and so I can't really I shouldn't compare and judge one person's journey to the next or an empath to a non-emph, because I I I can't say that. but for you, if you think about it, if you look back, and that's just asking you personally, which could relate to the collective, when you look back, are you looking back through a negative or a positive lens? Most people are gonna look back through a negative lens because that's what's been conditioned in their psyche, in their mindset, in their body. So you know the Denise: Right. Melissa Armstrong: I call it the universal lens. So what I'm looking through and what I'm seeing, is it unconditional love? Is it hope? Is it light filled? Is it you know th there's so again there's so many words and attributes we can fit in. So this work it's hard to explain. but there is a spiritual coach, author, or speaker, Matt Conn, have you heard of him? Denise: I haven't. I Melissa Armstrong: he's my favorite. he teaches love and sometimes he's a little bit out there, like you know, Pleiadian history, stuff like that, but he's teaching angelic love and he says that we're all angels on this planet and we're all on our journey. And Denise: Okay. Yeah. Melissa Armstrong: So many years ago, half a decade or so. I watched one of his, I listened to one of his lectures, I watched it, and he said, It's not about like you, it's not about your spirit, it's about the body. And he's saying, We are the spirit guides to our own body. And it took me a while to understand that, but once you experience it, everything aligns because then you realize I am already healer. I'm already light. I'm already, you know, God consciousness, universal energy, whatever you call it, you're already all of that. And once that realization hits, it's kind of like, my daughter loves tangled and Rapunzel. So it's like I'm the lost princess. You know, so it's like all of a sudden that realization hits and then think like things just start to happen, right? Like universe starts orchestrating around you, your body's like, I can finally release this because as I call it, he or she plugged in. So it's like you're literally plugging your Denise: Yeah. Melissa Armstrong: See, I have no words for it because everyone will have their own experience. And some people might have one session or five sessions where we have to clear generational trauma, right? Some people might need just one where they just wake in their body and I never see them or hear from them again because like they just needed one. Other people are with me 17 years, so I it really depends on the person. Now I'm coming back to what I started to say with Matt Kahn, and he goes, Don't worry about what level Denise: Right. Melissa Armstrong: you on all you need to know is there's always another level. And that blows my mind because I have done some wild ascension work with some clients and we're like, Well what's gonna happen next time? you know, 'cause we're it feels like you're soaring through space or you literally are, you know, like the planet, you're watching the planet form from millions of years ago, or you know, you're exploring the sun, so this is like kind of out there. But it's to say that there's no cap in the imagination and then whatever you're meant to experience, you will experience because that's Your design. Denise: Right, right. Melissa Armstrong: So it's like how do you quantify and try to at the same time be like, this works and this is transformational, but yet everyone's gonna see and feel something differently. but as you know, I do use the body, right? I am trained very well in Reiki and then I still do my own thing because when I was taught you can't guide with Reiki, you have to let the client or whomever guide you. It's like that doesn't work for me because I have too many downloads for that client and I would be doing a service if I'm not sharing it. Denise: Yeah. Right. Melissa Armstrong: So that's where the guiding comes in. It comes from a very high place. And this is answering your question probably twice from you know the past week is when you are connected to yourself, all there is is highest frequency. There's no past There's no past trapping intention, okay? Because the past is the past. And once the past is let go or you detach from it, you're in the present moment. The present only opens up to future. Future is only connected to a higher ascension. I'll just call it place, a higher ascension energy. So that means when you are connected to yourself, you can trust it. Because it's only your higher self feeding you. Denise: Right. I love that, yeah. And that that also explains even just how I felt in the past 24 hours where I am able to trust my thoughts a little bit more without being like, did I just am I just thinking more that I know more than I do? I am not having as many of those moments. I'm like, no, this is it. It comes Yeah. So these thoughts come with more more with calmness and assurance. And I'm like, no, this is I I know. Melissa Armstrong: Mm. Yeah, self doubt. Like self doubt and insecurity. Yeah, yeah. Denise: this to be true. And so I also want to touch on what you said about the past because I do think for people who are listening, one of the common things is that we tend to experience this this experience the same challenges repeatedly in our lives. And I always think that's something that we're needing to learn. And I was just had a conversation with somebody a bit ago. I the person that I I earlier did a podcast studio tour with and we were s talking about how If something is happening to you, whatever it is, a situation, or maybe you're gravitating towards the same people, it's always something within you that has control over that that you're not seeing, right? And it could be something small, like maybe I think the particular example for this was that the Peop this food service industry always got this particular person's order wrong and it was because she was kind of rude to those people and she didn't see the role that she played in that. But that was just a recurring thing over the years. And not to divulge that personal information, that's a small example of how we do create our reality, our thoughts create a reality, and we have control. But sometimes people don't see that. So if you're repeating certain patterns. Melissa Armstrong: Mm-hmm. Denise: This work can be helpful, right? Because it brings some level of awareness to the role that we're playing in that. Because I think we get frustrated when we're like, why am I encountering the same thing over and over? I'm just cursed. This is the way I'm supposed to live. This just sucks. I'm probably people love to throw the like, I'm cursed, or I'm just not meant to be happy or or what have you. And so I feel like this work could be extremely beneficial for somebody who maybe just doesn't underst Melissa Armstrong: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Denise: They want to stop that from occurring but maybe they don't know where to start. Melissa Armstrong: Right. So you're You're tying into, I will say, victimization mode, right? So and then codependency, because I'm blaming others, right? For whether it's their fault if I'm happy, it's their fault if I'm unhappy. So codependency, you're to blame either way, right? Like I'll appreciate you because I can't appreciate myself. So then that's that's borderline. Now we're getting to like narcissism as well, but I'm trying to keep it more of like a level explanation. Denise: Yeah. Right. Yeah. Right, yeah. Melissa Armstrong: So victimization, right? So the universe is out to get me. I'm in defense mode. My heart center's closed because I'm always on guard for like the next thing that's gonna come and attack me. mentally, emotionally, physically. So victimization mode, self fulfilling prophecy, because what we think about absolutely expands. And I am a perfect example of this because I have created a very, very successful business. Okay. Very successful. And God, I feel like like right before I met you, okay? It really has to do with the chapter that was published, okay? Like my chapter, right? So Denise: Yeah. in the book that Melissa Armstrong: Yeah. Yeah. It Denise: okay, well Melissa Armstrong: has to do with that because I didn't realize that I was helping I didn't realize the level that I was helping other people heal and that I was still hiding my guilt or shame and fear of judgment of people finding out my story. So in that aspect I was helping everyone else move forward but inside, even spiritually, somehow I I probably because I focus so much on others with my my healing, my life, my career, I've been able to get away with it so long. But then it started to catch up to me because I was like, I'm not feeling very good. Like my body's telling me like I'm you the endometriosis flares and all these things is like I'm it's just telling me like I'm not feeling very well. And what I realized is I was so good at focusing on others and helping them clear. And but I'm still holding my past. So if I'm still holding my past, then I'm still holding on to victimization mode because these people did these things to me. So I'm resentful, right? I'm hurting, I'm sad, I'm depressed because this happened. Denise: Yeah. Melissa Armstrong: about fifteen years ago, when I I started the it's just intense to say, you know, it's just so intense the dem domestic violence, sexual assault, sexual abuse counseling, okay? And then I went into a session defensive and of course the counselor is gonna side with me because I am so traumed that when we used to have a microwave, we haven't had one in like over ten years, okay? But we used to have a microwave at our at our old condo and I would be in such a place, like not present, that I would close the microwave and I wouldn't hit the button to turn it off or I wouldn't close the microwave. And I would be like, Well my counselor said that it's okay that I'm not because I'm traumed Do you know what I'm saying? So there comes a point where you can tell yourself, I don't have to be victim any longer. Denise: yeah. Melissa Armstrong: And then that's where empowerment comes in. And then empowerment has its own conversation because it's filled with, you know, confidence and I c I call it like what do I say? Passion, desire, fire, you know, like excitement, right? This is where my birthing center is as a woman. It's my power center as a man where I feel empowered, which is the complete opposite of victimization, others blaming or self blaming. Denise: Yeah. Melissa Armstrong: So okay, get me back on track. Let's see her. Where are we? yeah, my head seems like a thousand different places, like with every thought. Denise: No. No, no, that's exactly how my mind operates too. But that does answer the question. Because for me I always all of these things were so new to me, as I'd mentioned to you three years ago. But it's so exciting to me because I want to bring that to the forefront for people who feel stuck, who feel like they're meant for more. And there are so many people who I hear that that where they're like, I feel like I'm meant to do this, but I don't know what's happening, no progress, myself included, right? Because of course I've made I Melissa Armstrong: Yeah, see. Got it. Denise: as far as how I feel inside, it's changed a lot and who I'm gravitating towards and the people in my life. But there is still a fundamental part of me that that feels like I'm meant to do more, that I'm meant to fulfill a different purpose in my life. And I keep saying, but it you almost feed into the narrative, like, it's really hard to do that. Like who everyone wants to do what they enjoy in life. But that's a thought pattern that you can break. Right? And so I feel like The reason I bring this up is for anybody who feels stuck. It doesn't matter in what position. It could feel some it could be something small, like I just am sad every day, and I want to not be sad every day. Because sometimes there's you don't even know where it's coming from. You don't have a conscious awareness. And I think that it's it's important for people to know the different modalities that are out there to just give it a try. Because what do you have to lose when you feel like that? Melissa Armstrong: Right, right. True. Right, right. So you just opened up another thing here. Okay, it was there. Like where did it go? Okay. Okay, just say the lat like summarize what you just said for me so I could I could share what's coming through. Denise: Mm-hmm. Yeah. S so basically I want people who are feeling stuck, who are feeling unhappy and unfulfilled, to have some awareness of the Different self-improvement modalities, such as the ones that you offer, that are out there because they're not taught to us conventionally, right? We're told go to therapy, don't feel anxiety. We're not told to not feel anxiety, but what are we given? We're given pills. I was given so many anxiety pills that really just made me sleepy. And that just doesn't help because at the end of the day, it's alignment. And how do you become aligned? It's really understanding why you're not feeling fulfilled. Why is it that you're feeling sad? Why are you depressed? Why are you anxious? And so Coming to you, how can that help somebody to at least start to unravel what is causing those feelings? Those I'll call them negative feelings because they're just they're really feelings of discomfort. Melissa Armstrong: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's like the impairment stagnation. Okay, so I think I told you I was like reading Deepak Chopra and Wayne Dyer at eight years old. I learned transcendental meditation at eight years old. Eight was just a very impactful year for me. And then right around the same time, within you know, like six months a year, I was diagnosed with severe depression and ADHD. So I was put on like three different medications at nine. Denise: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Melissa Armstrong: So I can only imagine what that did like to my system, right? Numbing me. So when I when I did turn twenty nine, and I told you about the the intensive counseling I had to go through for four years, I cried for like four years straight because I didn't cry as a little girl because it was all like like pushed inside. Like I have tough and I have to be sarcastic. And one of the job one of the earlier jobs I worked at, I was called a smart ass in front of a meeting because like that was my defense mode because I couldn't let any Denise: Yeah. Melissa Armstrong: in right so I had to and snippy and that was my defense mode but also you know being medicated I wouldn't even know what like my true self would act like or behave like or sound like right so okay now I got it so with feeling powerless and stuck I'm not gonna go into the benefit right now of the work, like the inner work doing your work as I call it. I'm actually gonna go with a little action step. Ask yourself, whose is this? And if you say it's mine, it's not true. Because if you are here on this podcast or whoever gets to listen to you, find your platform, okay? You are an empath and you are holding other people's stuff. And there is always going to be a defining person or moment that will pop into your head. It might start to constrict the chest area because it goes we trap stuff and I'm going like this because it will go all the way down the spine. For some people, they trap it in their feet, their ankles, their legs. But traditional textbook Reiki just teaches you there's seven main energy centers. And when you are doing the work, we c I go to the lowest every time for anybody who's willing to go there because it is gonna gonna be the deepest unworthiness you've ever felt, the deepest despair, you know, like the sadness, the depression, the isolation, the like, I'm scared, right? I'm terrified. I it just like I say it's usually resignation where it's like I'm just done. I quit, right? I'm I want to be out of here. Like we've all been there, like that desolation place of like just end my life, I'm done, but you so really deep dark stuff. So the goal is to get to the bottom of that. Denise: Yeah. Melissa Armstrong: Okay, so with that said, there is going to be at least one person who if you were mistreated, if you were neglected, if you were abused, okay, in any way, we can pull from my experiences, which there are many and they are dark, okay? But God, I'm just gonna say it because it it's actually supporting my chapter. So you're you're really helping me here, okay? being sexually abused as a little girl. That is taking away my power because I'm being overpowered, which means I don't have any of my own power. So what I'm what I'm explaining here is that that person who needs to overpower me is because like physically, mentally, emotionally, right? They feel powerless. So that person needed an easy target to feel. Denise: Mm-hmm. Melissa Armstrong: fake but inauthentic but power, no matter how inauthentic or, you know, toxic or unhealthy or abusive it was. So false sense of power, but it takes mine away. Denise: Right. Melissa Armstrong: Right. So I can name said person, I can name many persons. So what I'm saying is for me it's easy because I have many moments I can pull from from experience. But if it's not so traumatic for somebody, there's still gonna be a moment where they were made to feel small or they felt excluded, right? Or I didn't fit in. I wish I didn't say that. My hubby calls them cringe worthy moments. Okay, for if it's more like I did this versus something did or did not happen to me. So when you have that moment, you go back and you say Denise: Yeah. Melissa Armstrong: What was given to me? And what that means is how did this make me feel? So let's use you. Denise: Yeah. Right. Melissa Armstrong: It just use anything, could be recent, it could pull younger, but when your body's ready to heal something, it will show you. You'll have, you know, you'll you might have a glimpse or you might ha have that person's name in your head. You might see them, you might feel that moment. So the body's already intuitive on its own. It just needs permission to show you. Okay. So let's let's go through it. Just anything you can think of where let's see what I'm feeling from you right now. Denise: Right. Yeah. Yeah. Melissa Armstrong: I'm gonna go with heartbreak and letdown. Denise: heartbreaking letdown. You mean the first time? Melissa Armstrong: Anything, yeah, and it just you so I say the most intense one, the one that's just emotionally charged, it'll come up first to be like, yeah, well this happened at this time, right? And for some people it's a teacher mistreated them, other people something, a neighbor, it could be anything and anyone in the world at any age. Okay. Denise: Yeah. Yeah, so I will share this one because this is one where if people who have followed me or know my story are familiar with and maybe if someone's not this is one of the moments where I had known that my dad had done something and what that is I won't say but he had done something not to myself, to somebody else and I knew there I was there the moment it happened and I wanted him so years later when he and my mom were divorcing, I was supportive of the divorce. I still wanted him in my life, but I wanted him to admit what he had done so that I could forgive him. And instead he said no, That person was lying. They made it up. That never happened. And in that moment, I was trying to pull honesty from somebody who was unwilling. Was it shame? I don't know. Maybe he blocked it from his own because he wasn't proud of himself either. I don't know the reason and I don't get to. All I know is that what I wanted was clarity and honesty from somebody who was not gonna give me that. And that ended up replaying in every relationship I had with the man for the last couple of years. in that time where I can see the good in these people and I wanted to hang on to that because I'm like, I can see who you are and who you were meant to be, but I just need you to tell me that you're doing this wrong so that I can help you. And I never got to help them. All it did was drain me. And then I victimized myself. So I was just gonna go full circle. I was like, how could they treat me that way? How could they treat me that way? And I'm finally letting that go and seeing that they are doing the best they can with what they have, but it is not my job to see how help them see their way through. Not when they're not ready. So that was the moment. Heartbreak and letdown, because that was a huge letdown to me. And even if I were to allow him back into my life, I know that's gonna come with Nothing. It's not gonna come with any clarity. It's gonna replay and that goes for all the men too. If I were to allow them back in my life, unless you do some serious inner work, what's gonna happen? I I mean Melissa Armstrong: Yeah, they represent past energy and past experience, right? And so remember how you were saying people keep going through the same experience? Think of it like how we're revolutioning, like you know, the revolution around the sun. So I think it's the same thing and maybe our mind, our body, I'm not not sure exactly, but I think that past experiences cycle and they kind of hit a like a peak within us, you know how we just say, my I'm Denise: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Melissa Armstrong: going through this again and I went through this again and I went through this again. And it's because it's trying to get free. But it can't because if we whether it was fear-induced or heartbreak or like I mean deep, deep let down. I mean it really does feel like heartbreak, okay? What what what you went through. then it just the heartbreak comes up and then it just re-triggers. And if it doesn't get Denise: Right. Melissa Armstrong: This is a spiritual. But if it doesn't get its ascension point, if it doesn't get to go to the next level of just release and clarity and freedom, then it's just gonna revolve again. But they work for me. They're they're a very nice visual for me to use. We repress it down all the way down. And then when we get triggered because something reminds us of something we went through in the body's like, I remember this. This is how I responded. Denise: Yeah. Yeah. Melissa Armstrong: This and then it comes up again, but it's coming up again because it's it's facing you because it wants healing. Okay, so with let's take this full circle even more for you. Imagine what he went through, and where you were like, just admit it. I want you to imagine you were a mirror in front of him. Okay, you're just everybody's mirror. Denise: Right. Yeah. Mm. Melissa Armstrong: And we when we realize I am a light-filled soul or spirit or energy or intender, whatever we are, if we realize that's their experience, that they're either doesn't matter if it's intentional or unintentional, because they're still giving it to us, right? Whether not giving you what you need or giving you what you don't need, both are not going to aid in your uplift. Denise: Right. Melissa Armstrong: Okay, in your positivity, in your transformation. So just tell yourself any past experiences I've been through, I was their mirror. They did it to themselves. Denise: Mm-hmm. Melissa Armstrong: And that's gonna suck because now we have to own and accept they are choosing, right? So it is a choice, they are choosing this path, whether they're aware or unaware of it. So whether subconscious is consuming and controlling their thoughts, feeling, emotions, actions, behaviors, I am not responsible for that anymore. So I can release the weight of his stagnation, of his resistance, of his denial, of his inability to face himself in the mirror. Denise: Yeah. Right. Yes. Melissa Armstrong: That's all it was. He was denying himself because acceptance would have meant what? Well, then I can start to work to figure out where this comes from and then I can change, right? So someone in that experience is resistant to change because the pain is too much to look at. It's too much to look at. There's so much wall buildup around I cannot look at this. Wall. Denise: Yes. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Right. Right. Melissa Armstrong: So now you are coming to terms, like you said, well I can't let that wall back in because then I'm just gonna hit another wall. So you get that, but with the work we did, right? That the one work we did, this opens up And then it stays open. So this meaning heart center for those who aren't, you know, watching the video. So this means the heart center. When and this is a feeling because our brain is connected to imagination. So it's a feeling and an experience. But when you feel it open, it feels like a weight is being removed, but you just know it's open. So then we're kind of getting out of like, I think this is happening, so then that inner knowingness comes out, or that higher knowingness. And then when you're in the knowingness, I mean then that just provides clarity, conflict. Denise: Yeah. Melissa Armstrong: As you said. So in the heart center for you, where it was trapping this, you open that up. Here's so the first step, right? We're going back. We said first step, whose is it? It's my dad's. Okay. Second step, what would I give him if I could give him anything that he can't give himself? Denise: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Melissa Armstrong: What would you give him? I'm gonna take you all the way from trapped to empathic po empowerment in just a couple of minutes here. What would I give him if I could give him anything? Denise: Yeah. I would give him the strength t to move through the dark shadows, to face his own shadows. I would give him the strength and resilience to face those and to forgive himself. Melissa Armstrong: What is happening in your body right now? Denise: Ooh, release, I feel like yeah, it's deep. It feels like I'm gonna cry. Yeah. Melissa Armstrong: Mm-hmm. I'm crying for you because I'm just a big crybaby for everybody. So I feel what you're feeling and it's in your belly, okay, which I link the belly to if we had like a a a centered place, like if we're meditating or thinking or just being, your belly is your source of self. Denise: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Melissa Armstrong: your inner peace and then from your inner peace then you create your positivity and joy and nobody showed you how to do that. So right now you are awakening a connection to self at a deeper level because you're saying you know what dad I love you maybe you can't receive my love but that's no longer my responsibility for your outcome. Denise: Yeah. Right. Melissa Armstrong: I'm no longer responsible for your outcome. And when you say that and you translate that feeling into the body, I'll ask you how would that feel? So go for it. I am totally putting you on the spot. So Denise: Yeah, I I mean that feels like my I'll be spiritual, the highest ascension. I feel at peace. I feel like I am able to help others because I have helped myself. I've looked at what was trapped keeping me trapped. And I think that I've always felt a higher calling to help others, but I wasn't fully processing the things that I needed to in order to get there. And you c Melissa Armstrong: Yeah, 'cause you were holding on to his heartbreak. I mean, who knows what happened to him, okay? And who knows what he trapped inside that then consumed him because when someone does something Denise: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Melissa Armstrong: How can we say this like politely, inappropriately, or you know what I mean, just not to to healthiness? They are being consumed by past behavior. They are reliving their past. It's not them presently, it's past controlling, right? So you are now choosing to release all that happened to him, whether you're aware of it or not, meaning you don't know everything, but you feel it. You feel it inside. Things happened. And then what he did was re- Denise: Yeah. Right. Right, right. Melissa Armstrong: reliving what he lived at at some moment. And then so this is where you're going to say, Dad, I will no longer carry your past energy. Out loud. Denise: Dad, I will no longer carry your past energy. Melissa Armstrong: I release all responsibility over your healing outcome. Denise: I release all responsibility over your healing outcome. Melissa Armstrong: And now just spiel in your belt. center of your chest, focus and just tell the heart center, I'm here, I'm ready for you to fully open. And green. And then let your podcast listeners know how you're feeling. Denise: It's funny 'cause there's almost a bit of nervousness 'cause there's a vulnerability in it, right? It this is a very vulnerable moment. Melissa Armstrong: Big time. Yeah, I totally put you on the spot. Yeah. Denise: Yeah, I'm like, yeah. But it also it's great because I want people to feel what I have felt as far as like I'm not perfect when I you don't have to be perfect in order to help other people. I always thought I had to have it all figured out and that's not what you need to have help other people. What you need is resonance and it's always who it has whose path resonates with mine and how can they help me get to where they're where they're at, right? And that's not to say I'm ab not above, but just the strides that I've made in the years of progress. I can also bring listeners, the people that feel r that resonate with my story to that level. And it's Melissa Armstrong: Mm-hmm. Denise: It's a very vulnerable moment. I but I do feel a lot of I feel joy. I feel happy. And I don't have that anger that I had. Even not even towards my dad. But when I think about the people that have recently hurt me, I don't that anger just almost completely dissipated. There's a little bit of course there's always a little bit of like, ooh, you know, but the sting isn't so big. And that's what I tell people. That's life comes with the feelings and you n learn to ride those feelings and understand that they don't need to consume you. And so I really want to bring this back to the fact that I have never wanted, I've always struggled with wanting to live and wanting to find my purpose. And now as I put all my energy into finding other healers, finding different modalities, I have that even in the moments where I have those thoughts, my bounce back is like way quicker than before. And so it's really just strengthening that. And I want anybody who feels helpless to know that you you can do this. I I felt helpless. I felt that there was no purpose. And even now sometimes I want life to happen quickly. But the only way we can see forward is if you make even the smallest step. Even the smallest step and you're not You can tell yourself I haven't made any progress because I like to do that to myself sometimes. I don't like to, but it's a ha habitual thing. And then I snap out of it and I'm like, stop. Like, look where you are, at least you have the will to live. So for anybody who's listening, please know there are healers like Melissa out there. Anything that you feel called to, there is no right or wrong method, is what I'm going to say. And just because Melissa Armstrong: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Denise: you go somewhere and you didn't get exactly that what you wanted out of it, which has happened to me, it doesn't mean it didn't work. Sometimes we just our ego thinks that there's gonna be a quick fix, right? Our ego likes to think, if I go to this, this person's gonna fix me and I'm gonna come out and I'm gonna be a different person. That's not always it. But you'll get what you need to out of it and bit by bit you will crawl out and I promise you that whole, you'll come out of it. And it doesn't mean you don't experience hardships. I'm sure you can attest to that. Life comes with its but you you're just more equipped to handle them. Melissa Armstrong: Yeah. Denise: And you can handle them in a different way and you start to see us all as humans who are just trying to find our way. And sometimes people are gonna misunderstand you and sometimes they're not going to think for me, I'm like I struggle with authenticity. I don't want people to think I'm inauthentic. But some people are gonna see that and they're gonna think that anyway. And so it's just like, well, then and I'm sure I felt that way about some people, then you just don't Melissa Armstrong: Mm. Right. Denise: minimize your involvement and just focus on what your mission in life is, right? And whether that and it doesn't have to be a huge like s maybe it's not a healer. Maybe your mission is to just enjoy life and have a job that you can clock out of and then do whatever you need to do the rest of the day. And that's fine too. There is no right or wrong. So if you have any closing thoughts, Melissa, I would love for you to share them. And I just want to thank you for the amazing work. I told you you in just that session. I swear to you, I'm like, I woke up this morning and the l even last night after our session in the morning that same day. I just I feel so good. I feel I know that life is not always this like state where you're just feeling this. But the pressure, whatever weight was carrying, I feel like it's slowly lifted, and I'm starting to see. why I couldn't let people go and that knowing that I can I can still love them wholeheartedly and let them go. Melissa Armstrong: Yes, yeah. So one, I could listen to you speak forever. I love the way I told you that earlier. Like I just love the way you like clarify and you just explain things so well and you just you have a way and so it's it's just lovely. I love it. what that little exercise did, okay, with these what did we say so I guess we put it into steps, right? So step one, whose is this? Step two, what did they leave me with? Denise: Ha ha ha. thank you. Thank you. Melissa Armstrong: And then then we ex were still acknowledging, well, if they left me with that, if I if this experience didn't happen, I wouldn't have these emotions, right? So those emotions belong to that experience. And with whoever that person was, if they didn't do what they did, either, you know, again like either giving me what I n didn't need or now I'm tongue tied. Denise: Right. Mm-hmm. Melissa Armstrong: Giving me what I didn't deserve, right? Or not giving me what I did deserve. Either way, there that's going to create feelings of that experience, that person, or myself. So what we say is, what was I left with? And then you can even say to make it simpler, what do I want to do with it? Because I have free choice, free will once I look at it, because fear can only control me when I won't look at it. Because it's the fear of the unknown. Once I look at it, the fear is gone. Okay. So step three is. Denise: Right. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Melissa Armstrong: Doing what you did, like acknowledging I'm not going to carry this anymore. And for some of us, like highly I'll I'll use the word ascended healers, there's the energetic empathic shift where I'm going to say, Before I release this, what am I going to give this person that they can't give themselves? And you said what strength to right, like strength to look at yourself and you know heal. those weren't your exact words, but so you would give your dad strength if you could. Now what what that process does Did is it brought back your empathic empowerment because you're gonna feel awful if you're feeling disempowered because empowerment comes from a very high place like love and peace and kindness and positivity. So when you're at your empowerment phase, it's going to make you feel uplifted. So you just brought back your power, which is also what you wanted to discuss either in an you know another episode or you know, whatever you're planning. So empowerment, you just opened it back up. Denise: Mm-hmm. Melissa Armstrong: Which is also the depression stuck space. So now we just took zero to ten of feeling alone, isolated, despair, stuck. You know, I mean just yeah, the stuck is a big word. I hear that a lot, whether it's for skin healing or emotional healing. Like I'm stuck, I'm stuck. Well, that's because you're looking at stuck energy. So what's beyond the stuck energy? And you just showed yourself what's beyond the stuck energy. Denise: Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah. Right. That's Melissa Armstrong: And that's really yourself. You're connecting back to yourself who's always been there. And for some people, we might do a visual or you know, a meditation or a guidance, and it's like, well, I have to go off the planet to find myself. Like, wait, well let's go off the planet then. So either way. But think of it, it's just in the mind, right? And you can bring the mind into the body and then the whole goal is to make it feel like no matter what's going on inside the body, once you show up Denise: Yeah. Melissa Armstrong: There's no more negativity. That's the immediacy of the shift. Denise: Right. Amazing. Well thank you so much for putting that together so beautifully. I'm super excited that you agreed to come on and that we found each other of all the people. So I know Well yeah, I will link your information in the show notes if you want to also just mention you s you mentioned that yours social media is not a big usage of yours, but if you want an Instagram handle or yeah. Melissa Armstrong: You're right. I feel like I've known you for like, I don't know, lifetime. Yeah, no, I'm so no, it's still I it's yeah, it needs to just kinda have its own rebirth. So but yeah, social media is just enlightened skincare clinic or I believe it's like enlightened skin and energy healing. So just kind of pop po yeah, just pop those in. Denise: Yeah. Okay, awesome. And yeah, again, I will link that in the show notes. Thank you again so much for being here and thank you to everyone who is listening. I hope you have a wonderful week and I will see you guys next Thursday.