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What Do We Do When Everything is Dark? · Life In Flow Podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_02: Welcome to the Life in Flow podcast.
• 0:03
  The three of us,
• 0:05
  Yulia,
• 0:05
  Polina,
• 0:06
  and Irina,
• 0:07
  are exploring what Life in Flow and Flow in Life is.
• 0:12
  Join us as we experiment,
• 0:15
  test our diverse hypotheses,
• 0:17
  and have fun in the process.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: Will we find an answer?
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: This isn't just an intellectual discussion.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: We're co-creating a shared field beyond words.
• 0:30
  We're attuning to what emerges moment by moment so that the
• 0:35
  conversation itself
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: becomes a group flow experience.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_01: And we invite you to become an active participant in this experiment.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_01: There will be pauses and moments of silence.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_01: We leave them on purpose because this is where magic happens.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_02: Go beyond the intellectual information.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_02: Listen with your whole body.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_02: and notice how your somatic experience shifts in the process.
• 1:05
  Share with us what reveals itself in the space where mind,
• 1:11
  body,
• 1:12
  and energy flow together.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome again to the Life and Flow podcast.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_01: Here we are again.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_01: Irina will be steering the flow, and my...
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_01: and co-creators of Flow, Yulia and Polina.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_01: Hello.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_01: A question we will explore today is what to do when everything is dark.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_01: And the reason why I wanted
• 1:54
  to explore this topic is because recently I have been observing
• 2:00
  in several people I
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_01: know and many I love,
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_01: and in myself,
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_01: too,
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_01: also.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I'm sorry.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_01: We are flowing, so the languages will be flowing together, too.
• 2:21
  what i have seen how the patterns that the person have been
• 2:30
  working on to overcome
• 2:32
  for a long time with self-awareness with self-work with therapy
• 2:46
  or whatever it's a
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_01: bit
• 2:48
  that they keep coming and coming and coming and very often it
• 2:58
  brings a person
• 2:59
  sometimes may bring to this like dark place of desperation and
• 3:06
  sadness and
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_01: impotence of like
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_01: I can't do anything.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_01: Nothing is changing, no matter how many efforts I put into it.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know how to change it.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm sure that all of us have been in these moments.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_01: The circumstances may be different.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_01: I definitely from time to time encounter myself.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_01: in these places.
• 3:44
  It seems that no matter what I do,
• 3:48
  I can't change what I think I want to change.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_01: And I can't attain things that I think I want to attain.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_01: And yes,
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_01: on one hand,
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_01: we have mentioned more than once that pain is a part of love,
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_01: life,
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_01: challenges,
• 4:12
  part of life and a part of flow of life and yet I can't avoid
• 4:19
  thinking that we also
• 4:23
  say that you know like we believe that the flow state is the
• 4:29
  best experience that
• 4:31
  the human being can experience in life and the more flow states
• 4:37
  we bring into our
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_01: lives the better the world will be the more
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_01: group flow we bring into our lives, the better the world will be.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_01: So there is still this impetu of like that we want to feel better.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_01: We want life to be better.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_01: And this is why we're exploring all these things related to flow.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_01: So how do we reconcile it with these moments of darkness and
• 5:12
  and impotence and desperation and sadness when it feels that
• 5:19
  nothing works we can't
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_01: do we can't change things i also wanted to say before we'll continue is
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_01: I wouldn't want our conversation to turn into a competition of,
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_01: whose pain is more painful.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_01: And neither to be it's like just a gossip session or,
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_01: like,
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_01: oh,
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_01: yeah,
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  this is what the bad thing that happens to me and this is what
• 6:02
  the bad things that
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_01: happen to you.
• 6:06
  I think that it would be much more interesting and useful to us
• 6:11
  and to our
• 6:11
  listeners if we play creatively with the essence of this
• 6:20
  darkness that embraces us
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_01: in these moments of when we feel that we're in a dark place.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_01: How can we reframe a relationship with our darkness?
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_01: I think it might be interesting.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_01: So,
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  SPEAKER_01: being sad,
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  SPEAKER_01: why I'm saying it is like,
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_01: if you feel that at this moment,
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_01: what is emerging is that you need and you want to share the details of
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_01: of your own dark story,
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  SPEAKER_01: whatever it is,
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  please feel free to share it and we will welcome it and we will
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  create the field to
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_01: sustain whatever needs to be sustained.
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  But if you don't want to share the particulars of any concrete
• 7:27
  dark story,
• 7:28
  you don't need to.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_01: I want us to
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_01: work with the body,
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_01: with our somatic experience,
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_01: and look into the essence of things,
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_01: rather than stay at the level of detail.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_01: So, as always, we start with the game, and because I want
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_01: to bring us or I want us to play with the creative reframing of things.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_01: I think metaphorical thinking is very good for this.
• 8:16
  So I want us to play with the metaphors as we have done it
• 8:22
  already in one of the
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_01: previous episodes.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_01: Let's just first
• 8:36
  what comes to you,
• 8:37
  what emerges when you try to express what being in a dark place
• 8:50
  is like.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_01: The formula is simple.
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  SPEAKER_01: You say, like, when I'm in a dark place, it is like, and whatever.
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  SPEAKER_01: metaphor, whatever analogy, whatever comparison comes to you.
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  When I'm in a dark place,
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  it feels like I'm confined to the bottom of a deep well.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_02: that's very restrictive and that doesn't even let any sunshine through.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_01: I could fail it.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_01: When I am in a dark place,
• 10:05
  It feels like that I am literally sitting in the corner of a
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  dark room full of monsters.
• 10:17
  And I'm a little girl and I can't move and I'm afraid and no
• 10:24
  one is coming to save me.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_01: I'm left alone in this dark room.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: When I am in a dark place,
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like I am losing life force,
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: losing the ability to think clearly.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: Losing the ability to understand what all of this is for.
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  And I feel like I need to find a place that's safe,
• 11:25
  but there is no such place.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: I just want to go to sleep and for all of it to end.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: I know no one's coming to save me.
• 11:44
  have to keep saving myself and in order to do that it requires
• 11:49
  a lot of energy and
• 11:50
  strength which in dark times i do not have access to i can feel
• 12:09
  it when i'm in a
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_02: dark place
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  i become very small and sometimes transparent so that no one is
• 12:29
  seeing me or
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_02: hearing me and i'm yelling on the top of my lungs but it doesn't
• 12:43
  do anything there are no sound waves it's very curious that
• 13:01
  because that like many
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  SPEAKER_01: comparisons and analogies come with a sensation of not seeing the way
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  I also feel that when I'm in a dark place,
• 13:20
  it feels like a crossroad or a labyrinth.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_01: The thing is that I'm desperately looking for the way,
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_01: for the path to go,
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  SPEAKER_01: but I don't see it because it's dark.
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  And there is this panicking sensation of urgency that I need to
• 13:49
  find the way urgently.
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  SPEAKER_01: And at the same time, I feel impotent to find it.
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  SPEAKER_00: When I'm in a dark place, I get very quiet and still.
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  SPEAKER_00: And then I remember, oh, here we are again.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: We're always here again.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: And
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  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if I even want to find my way out of this state.
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  SPEAKER_00: It has a gravity and a weight to it.
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  SPEAKER_00: It changes all sense of reality.
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  And the pain that would be required to go through in order to
• 15:01
  get out of it is
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  SPEAKER_00: sometimes too much.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for sharing it.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_02: When I'm in the dark place,
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_02: my breath and my heart,
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  SPEAKER_02: they alternate between almost not being there,
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  SPEAKER_02: being so quiet and
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  wanting to become still and between this crazy ride of verging
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  on a panic attack
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  SPEAKER_02: and it's like a boat that is
• 16:13
  violently thrown by a wind in the middle of an ocean and there
• 16:21
  is no middle ground
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  thank you i will add the last comparison and then we will
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  continue it came to my
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_01: mind
• 16:44
  When I am in a dark place,
• 16:46
  it feels like I am holding on my back the weight of the whole
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  world.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you very much for sharing all these metaphors and
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_01: or sharing the aspects of these very difficult, challenging experiences.
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  SPEAKER_01: And we know that in order to be able to deal with it generously,
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_01: we need to have resources,
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_01: we need to be connected to the resources.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_01: And a little disclaimer to our listeners,
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_01: We do a lot of prepping before recording the episode.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't mean by prepping the research and the information,
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_01: although we might do that as well sometimes.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_01: But mostly we prep our states,
• 18:00
  connecting to ourselves and to each other and to the field that
• 18:04
  holds us together.
• 18:07
  we would flow during the recording exactly in this collective
• 18:13
  generative state.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_01: Of course, we did that before we began recording this episode.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_01: But I would like all listeners also to...
• 18:30
  have the opportunity to build up the necessary resources to be
• 18:36
  able to sustain this
• 18:40
  real conversation about the essence of darkness and how we can
• 18:46
  reframe our
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_01: relationship with it.
• 18:48
  So I want to change a little bit our usual order of things and
• 18:56
  add another game
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  SPEAKER_01: in line with the usual telling the stories game.
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  SPEAKER_01: But the goal of this game is to invoke our somatic resilience.
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  SPEAKER_01: And I think we will try to do just one round to see how it goes.
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  SPEAKER_01: So think of the...
• 19:32
  when you were overcoming difficulty,
• 19:37
  challenge,
• 19:40
  and you were successful in it.
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  And so tell us just briefly little sensorial details of what
• 19:52
  was the situation,
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_01: what is the story.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_01: But what I want us to focus most, so the storyteller,
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_01: I want her to focus on what do you feel in the body,
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_01: how it feels when you connect to this resilience in your body,
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_01: the experience of resilience.
• 20:23
  And when we listen to the story and when we listen to how the
• 20:28
  person describes the
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_01: somatic experience of resilience,
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_01: want us to try to connect to it in the body too.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_01: And I invite our listeners to do it as well.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_01: And then after we integrated all three stories,
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_01: all three different experiences of somatic resilience,
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  SPEAKER_01: we'll play together
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_01: with something else with it.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_01: So, like, we will do something else with it.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_01: So, we will not define the water, just let's see what emerges.
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  SPEAKER_01: What is the situation when you're overcoming something difficult?
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  SPEAKER_01: If you were successful in it, and how it felt to be successful in
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_01: overcoming the struggle?
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_02: Lately, my main resource for going through dark time has been
• 21:56
  nature i'm nature we are nature the rest of nature um that
• 22:06
  mostly trees that hold
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  SPEAKER_02: somehow a lot of energy power
• 22:16
  and that i really vibrate with and i already told this story
• 22:25
  last time although i
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_02: have a fresh one but let's um the other one is simpler and that was a
• 22:33
  somatic experience that is with me still a couple from a couple
• 22:39
  weeks ago when I
• 22:41
  was just totally crashed by a feeling of loneliness and I was
• 22:53
  going through a
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_02: forest and this tree a beach tree spoke to me
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  like one of many because it was a beach forest and a specific
• 23:07
  part of the tree
• 23:09
  called to me and so I put my forehead against this part of the
• 23:16
  tree and it was a
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_02: hot day and then I could feel this
• 23:25
  fresh and energizing invigorating energy that started flowing
• 23:31
  from the tree into me
• 23:33
  and maybe at that time just as the day i think i was my energy
• 23:40
  was drying out or my
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_02: perception of my being was drying out and so it was like from a um
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_02: old, crackled skin that was covered with a lot of wrinkles.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_02: I was through the tree becoming more supple again.
• 24:12
  And through this source of energy that just I could feel that
• 24:23
  was taking stuff from me as well.
• 24:26
  And I didn't have any reservations about giving all the shit
• 24:33
  that was in me to the
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_02: tree because I know its power.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_02: And so I don't need to worry,
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_02: as with humans,
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_02: how much can this person withstand or how can the person hold space.
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  SPEAKER_02: And I can just allow everything, all that
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_02: baggage flow into the tree and then receive this freshness.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_02: And I was receiving it through my forehead.
• 25:04
  And I could feel that my whole body was becoming more alive and
• 25:11
  more was more moisture.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_02: No.
• 25:27
  It was interesting to experience through the body the story,
• 25:33
  how you were telling it.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_02: It was energetic sap that the treatment gave me.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_01: Interesting.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_01: So I invite...
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_01: each of us and all our listeners,
• 25:54
  also to focus on what happens in your body when you connect to
• 26:00
  this story.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_01: The story that comes to my mind
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_01: Um,
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_01: so it was some years ago,
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_01: um,
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_01: I was invited to teach,
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_01: um,
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_01: video classes and my photography and video school in which I started and
• 26:43
  like a little bit of background for the three years that i
• 26:46
  started at that school i
• 26:48
  dreamed of teaching in this school and so several years later
• 26:55
  my teachers invited
• 26:56
  me to teach there it was quite a big deal when important for me
• 27:03
  but um the classes
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_01: were not going very well
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_01: And at a certain moment,
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_01: the director of the school,
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_01: the man whom I respected and admired a lot,
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_01: called me to his office to talk.
• 27:25
  And he said,
• 27:26
  like,
• 27:26
  look,
• 27:27
  the students said that your classes,
• 27:33
  they don't work well.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_01: They're not happy with how the process is going on.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_01: We need to change something.
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_01: And for me, it was like a sensation of total disaster.
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_01: So several days later,
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_01: after consulting with my mentors,
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_01: I came up with a plan of how to change the program,
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_01: etc.
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_01: But for me,
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_01: and it's my personal nightmare,
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_01: when someone says that they don't like me,
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_01: it's like the whole world crumbles around me.
• 28:24
  And so the night before I had to go again to the school to give
• 28:31
  the next class to
• 28:33
  face those students who in my head was thinking that I am a bad
• 28:38
  teacher and I was
• 28:39
  SPEAKER_01: doing a bad job.
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_01: It was really a nightmare.
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_01: I was trying to imagine how I would face them, and I couldn't.
• 28:56
  SPEAKER_01: And in the middle of the night,
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_01: I called my boyfriend,
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_01: like,
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know how I'm going to face them.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know how I'm going to do it.
• 29:09
  SPEAKER_01: And he said, well, you are going to do it like a good, brave soldier.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_01: And I thought, oh, okay, well.
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_01: And so I did it like a good, brave soldier.
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_01: I faced them and I implemented the changes in the program.
• 29:33
  SPEAKER_01: It worked well.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_01: Then you're like, in the end, everyone was happy.
• 29:37
  Like we were able to finish the course much more productively
• 29:43
  than it used to be.
• 29:45
  SPEAKER_01: But yeah, like this somatic experience of
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_01: You pull yourself together and you concentrate in your body,
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_01: your inner strength to face the fear.
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_01: This is the somatic experience that I wanted to share.
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_01: Being a brave soldier and facing the fear,
• 30:20
  you feel like within you is the solid core that allows you to
• 30:27
  stay in the face of
• 30:30
  SPEAKER_01: fear.
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for sharing that, both of you.
• 30:54
  I guess my experience of resilience through difficult times
• 31:03
  would be different
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_00: depending on what kind of times.
• 31:08
  SPEAKER_00: There's various avenues.
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 31:12
  SPEAKER_00: So...
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_00: I think that when I am facing some huge change that is required,
• 31:30
  SPEAKER_00: that requires a lot of resources internally,
• 31:37
  SPEAKER_00: but also externally,
• 31:38
  SPEAKER_00: I end up having to trust that I cannot rush
• 31:51
  the timing of it so it's actually a constant balancing act
• 31:57
  internally checking on
• 32:01
  resources checking on intuition checking on timeline that's not
• 32:08
  physical timeline
• 32:09
  SPEAKER_00: checking on the future checking on the energetics
• 32:16
  SPEAKER_00: To see if there's enough energy coming from the future,
• 32:22
  SPEAKER_00: really,
• 32:24
  SPEAKER_00: or even from the next step,
• 32:26
  SPEAKER_00: in order for me to kind of grab onto it and let it pull me.
• 32:33
  SPEAKER_00: So...
• 32:44
  There has to be enough energy in the field and also in,
• 32:49
  I guess,
• 32:49
  a future version of me.
• 32:52
  And things have to line up in a way where I can just get into a
• 32:58
  different mode where...
• 33:02
  as scary and difficult and maybe even mind-numbingly exhausting
• 33:11
  as the process of
• 33:15
  SPEAKER_00: shifting through all of the dense,
• 33:20
  heavy energy to get yourself into what you're hoping is going
• 33:24
  to be a more
• 33:25
  SPEAKER_00: generative,
• 33:26
  SPEAKER_00: lighter,
• 33:28
  SPEAKER_00: better space.
• 33:33
  It's really like just shifting into the receiving of the energy
• 33:39
  and receiving the
• 33:40
  SPEAKER_00: pull and just going on autopilot in terms of like letting that.
• 33:50
  SPEAKER_00: express itself through me as I am being pulled and things are happening.
• 33:56
  And yes,
• 33:57
  it requires my actual physical energy and attention and focus
• 34:02
  to stay on course.
• 34:05
  But there really is an automatic mode that has nothing to do
• 34:13
  with where I am.
• 34:14
  Because I mean,
• 34:15
  most of the time in the biggest situations I've had so far,
• 34:20
  I'm not really in like a clear state of mind or very well
• 34:27
  resourced or sleeping
• 34:28
  well or eating well or like usually these are pretty heavy and
• 34:34
  scary times and yet
• 34:37
  SPEAKER_00: something pulls me through.
• 34:40
  SPEAKER_00: So it's a lot of trust and
• 34:47
  SPEAKER_00: Strangely enough,
• 34:48
  SPEAKER_00: holding space for both the exhaustion and the giving up,
• 34:55
  SPEAKER_00: but also this like pool of the energy to keep going,
• 35:01
  SPEAKER_00: to move forward,
• 35:01
  SPEAKER_00: to get it done,
• 35:02
  SPEAKER_00: to like get myself to the next place.
• 35:07
  SPEAKER_00: Yep.
• 35:12
  There's something like very curious sensations that I feel in
• 35:17
  the body as you describe this.
• 35:22
  SPEAKER_01: So thank you.
• 35:25
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for sharing it.
• 35:27
  SPEAKER_01: What I want us to do now is, and it is a creative exercise.
• 35:33
  SPEAKER_01: You can't do it with your mind.
• 35:35
  SPEAKER_01: You can also only let your body to do it.
• 35:39
  SPEAKER_01: So this is the invitation for the three of us and for our listeners.
• 35:43
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 35:45
  SPEAKER_01: Review your somatic experience,
• 35:47
  SPEAKER_01: what your body felt when you connected to each of the three stories.
• 35:53
  SPEAKER_01: So these are three different experiences of somatic resilience.
• 36:00
  And let your body find a common denominator of these three
• 36:06
  different experiences.
• 36:09
  SPEAKER_01: What is common?
• 36:14
  in the way how your body felt in respect to connection to all
• 36:22
  the first stories and
• 36:23
  SPEAKER_01: the somatic experience that
• 36:41
  SPEAKER_01: And if you want, you may share.
• 36:49
  How does it feel when you try to put all three cinematic
• 36:53
  experiences together?
• 36:56
  SPEAKER_00: For me,
• 36:57
  the common thread seems to be there's a receiving of something
• 37:02
  from the outside,
• 37:05
  SPEAKER_00: whether it's the receiving...
• 37:11
  SPEAKER_00: from a tree in Judith's case,
• 37:16
  SPEAKER_00: from the future in my case,
• 37:22
  SPEAKER_00: from something external,
• 37:23
  SPEAKER_00: but I'm not sure exactly where in your case,
• 37:26
  SPEAKER_00: Ira,
• 37:27
  SPEAKER_00: but I feel like that's the common thread,
• 37:33
  SPEAKER_00: the way I'm seeing it right now.
• 37:35
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if you agree or if you have a different take.
• 37:40
  SPEAKER_01: There is no one unique correct answer here.
• 37:43
  It's just a matter of finding the sensation in the body that
• 37:47
  would represent the
• 37:48
  SPEAKER_01: essence of the somatic resilience for you.
• 37:52
  SPEAKER_01: I actually agree.
• 37:54
  For me,
• 37:54
  it's the combination of these forces that are pulling in a
• 38:07
  different direction.
• 38:09
  in the end you like bring the stability and like the the
• 38:15
  presence okay i'm letting
• 38:19
  go but at the same time i need to stand and receive but at the
• 38:28
  same time like okay
• 38:31
  SPEAKER_01: a
• 38:33
  SPEAKER_01: I receive, I trust, but at the same time I need to do something.
• 38:37
  SPEAKER_01: It's like I stand, but I let myself go.
• 38:44
  SPEAKER_01: It's a secure sensation in the body.
• 38:55
  SPEAKER_02: I don't have a coherent answer.
• 38:57
  SPEAKER_02: I just see the core and something happening to the core.
• 39:03
  SPEAKER_02: And there is some movement.
• 39:06
  SPEAKER_02: To me, it looks like a spiral of some kind.
• 39:13
  SPEAKER_02: And it has a lot of energy.
• 39:15
  SPEAKER_02: It has a lot of energy that can destroy or that can actually create this.
• 39:25
  leap and pull you out of the well um and what direction does it
• 39:33
  move in i think
• 39:35
  maybe its movement direction is emergent it's really impossible
• 39:43
  to tell um at which
• 39:47
  SPEAKER_02: moment it will be moving up or down their forces
• 39:53
  SPEAKER_02: a lot of forces at play.
• 40:01
  SPEAKER_02: And it's your core.
• 40:03
  So what do you do with these forces and with all the energies
• 40:08
  in the spiral?
• 40:16
  SPEAKER_00: It definitely is emergent.
• 40:18
  SPEAKER_00: I agree with that.
• 40:19
  SPEAKER_00: And you can't really control it.
• 40:22
  SPEAKER_00: All you could do is follow it as it goes.
• 40:24
  SPEAKER_00: And you still have to do a lot of, like, there's still effort to do it.
• 40:31
  SPEAKER_00: There's action, like what you were saying, Ir.
• 40:36
  SPEAKER_00: It's a big balancing act,
• 40:38
  SPEAKER_00: actually,
• 40:38
  SPEAKER_00: but because it's for me anyway,
• 40:41
  SPEAKER_00: there's a sense of like being pulled.
• 40:43
  It's almost automatic that that piece I don't I don't need to
• 40:49
  be involved with.
• 40:50
  So I'm just involved with like,
• 40:51
  OK,
• 40:52
  get up and do this and do that and that.
• 40:54
  But there the general sense of where I'm being pulled and how
• 40:57
  and to what extent is
• 40:59
  SPEAKER_00: almost like automatic.
• 41:04
  SPEAKER_01: What I connected the most is the core that is emerging.
• 41:13
  SPEAKER_01: For me,
• 41:13
  it's like when there is this interplay of different forces that
• 41:17
  are pulling you in
• 41:18
  SPEAKER_01: different directions,
• 41:20
  SPEAKER_01: in the end,
• 41:23
  SPEAKER_01: you are getting into your core,
• 41:26
  SPEAKER_01: into your center.
• 41:28
  SPEAKER_01: This is what allows you to move along.
• 41:35
  So I invite us to whatever these common somatic denominators
• 41:45
  each of us found and
• 41:48
  SPEAKER_01: our listeners,
• 41:49
  I invite us to stay aware of it and maintain the connections as
• 41:55
  we continue diving
• 41:57
  SPEAKER_01: into darkness.
• 42:00
  SPEAKER_01: And let's go directly to the core.
• 42:07
  SPEAKER_01: of the matter.
• 42:09
  SPEAKER_01: So the next question is what do you think darkness is teaching us?
• 42:32
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, again, a couple weeks ago, I had a literal experience of darkness.
• 42:40
  SPEAKER_02: When I was playing a scouting game three nights in a row.
• 42:46
  SPEAKER_02: And it was in the forest and it started for me with a lot of resistance.
• 42:55
  SPEAKER_02: Darkness, I'm afraid of darkness darkness in the forest.
• 43:01
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 43:02
  super scared of darkness in the forest it's so easy for me to
• 43:10
  lose my way maybe
• 43:14
  lose myself if it's not a literal forest and was interesting
• 43:22
  while there was
• 43:23
  support and resources that i had to go through this experience
• 43:27
  and i knew this is
• 43:28
  SPEAKER_02: what i was there for
• 43:31
  SPEAKER_02: I was there for training, so I might as well do it.
• 43:35
  But it was such a pleasant experience of being in the dark for
• 43:45
  a long time.
• 43:47
  Because usually,
• 43:48
  well,
• 43:48
  I mean,
• 43:48
  like at night,
• 43:50
  there's always some kind of light,
• 43:52
  even outside.
• 43:54
  At home,
• 43:55
  occasionally I try to,
• 43:57
  during the night,
• 43:58
  just move if I need to without the light.
• 44:01
  SPEAKER_02: So I can kind of like sense the darkness a little bit.
• 44:05
  And there it was like three,
• 44:07
  four hours one night where I was walking and then crouching.
• 44:16
  in the darkness and it just like the darkness it was first it
• 44:24
  seemed like something
• 44:27
  really scary like a black hole and then when i entered the
• 44:32
  darkness the more i
• 44:34
  SPEAKER_02: stayed there the more i enjoyed it it was just so it was so welcoming
• 44:43
  SPEAKER_02: It was so mysterious.
• 44:47
  SPEAKER_02: It was so sensual also.
• 44:50
  SPEAKER_02: Sensual is something that really jumped at me.
• 44:54
  SPEAKER_02: I was, wow, look after three hours, how many things I can see.
• 45:01
  SPEAKER_02: I can go through all this dead wood and I know where to step.
• 45:10
  SPEAKER_02: And there was like,
• 45:13
  goosebumps from senses of the body opening up so what is
• 45:26
  darkness i i was thinking
• 45:28
  after that and then i had an experience where i really um um
• 45:33
  you know leaned into
• 45:36
  SPEAKER_02: it this is really enjoying it i was like i could stay here forever
• 45:43
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe.
• 45:44
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I didn't, like, no, I cannot.
• 45:47
  SPEAKER_02: But still,
• 45:48
  SPEAKER_02: it's like something so,
• 45:54
  so attractive that opened itself to me in the darkness and its
• 46:00
  depth and its,
• 46:06
  SPEAKER_02: like,
• 46:06
  SPEAKER_02: not knowing what's hidden there.
• 46:09
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 46:18
  SPEAKER_01: It is a very beautiful metaphor.
• 46:23
  SPEAKER_00: Definitely a different take.
• 46:31
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I'm continuing with the metaphors.
• 46:36
  I say that my relationship with the concept of darkness itself
• 46:43
  is not necessarily
• 46:45
  SPEAKER_01: bad in the sense that
• 46:48
  I don't always associate the word darkness with something
• 46:53
  painful or something that
• 46:54
  SPEAKER_01: I don't want to be in.
• 46:57
  SPEAKER_01: Because in my... How to call it?
• 47:04
  SPEAKER_01: Energetic... I do a lot of... That involves...
• 47:16
  SPEAKER_01: connecting to darkness.
• 47:18
  SPEAKER_01: So,
• 47:19
  SPEAKER_01: like,
• 47:19
  SPEAKER_01: my practices involve a lot of exercises in which I am...
• 47:31
  SPEAKER_01: like,
• 47:32
  SPEAKER_01: dissolving myself in the darkness.
• 47:35
  SPEAKER_01: And the darkness in these exercises is like the...
• 47:50
  SPEAKER_01: It is the source of everything.
• 47:51
  SPEAKER_01: This is like this nothing out of which anything can be born.
• 47:56
  SPEAKER_01: And if I want to connect it to more to our topic,
• 48:06
  like talking about darkness as the dark place when I feel
• 48:11
  impotent and nothing
• 48:13
  SPEAKER_01: works.
• 48:18
  SPEAKER_01: It comes to my mind that it's still about...
• 48:29
  SPEAKER_01: Going back to the metaphors of our somatic resiliences,
• 48:36
  SPEAKER_01: all those experiences requiring letting go of fear...
• 48:45
  SPEAKER_01: like letting go of yourself,
• 48:47
  SPEAKER_01: letting some other forces take care of the situation or you,
• 48:55
  SPEAKER_01: it does require some sort of dissolution of myself,
• 49:04
  SPEAKER_01: of part of myself,
• 49:08
  SPEAKER_01: that I'm actually hurting myself.
• 49:21
  SPEAKER_01: So coming back to the Uless,
• 49:24
  SPEAKER_01: well,
• 49:24
  SPEAKER_01: like her story is real,
• 49:26
  SPEAKER_01: but applying it as a metaphor,
• 49:31
  SPEAKER_01: it is about,
• 49:34
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 49:35
  SPEAKER_01: like letting go of my own conceptions
• 49:48
  Of who I am,
• 49:50
  how things should happen,
• 49:52
  how the world should be,
• 49:54
  how the reality should evolve.
• 49:56
  Because basically,
• 49:59
  in many cases,
• 50:01
  in my life at least,
• 50:06
  my pain is coming from this pain.
• 50:12
  conflict between my expectations of the reality and how the
• 50:17
  reality is presenting itself.
• 50:21
  SPEAKER_01: It's very painful.
• 50:23
  SPEAKER_01: And so dissolving in the darkness,
• 50:26
  SPEAKER_01: letting myself be in it,
• 50:28
  dissolving myself means reconfiguring the expectations in my
• 50:36
  relationship with
• 50:36
  SPEAKER_01: reality.
• 50:49
  SPEAKER_00: Are you complete?
• 50:54
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 50:55
  SPEAKER_00: I wasn't sure.
• 50:56
  SPEAKER_00: I just didn't want to.
• 50:58
  SPEAKER_00: You seemed like you were.
• 51:00
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 51:02
  SPEAKER_00: I like both of your descriptions.
• 51:06
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like I resonate with both.
• 51:14
  So I have actually had this sensory experience of darkness in a
• 51:20
  new way more
• 51:22
  SPEAKER_00: recently,
• 51:23
  SPEAKER_00: kind of akin to what you were describing,
• 51:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yul,
• 51:26
  SPEAKER_00: where when the lights go off,
• 51:28
  SPEAKER_00: like I turn the lights off,
• 51:32
  SPEAKER_00: there's such a relief for the senses.
• 51:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 51:37
  SPEAKER_00: I used to be such a person of light,
• 51:38
  SPEAKER_00: like always light,
• 51:39
  SPEAKER_00: always light,
• 51:40
  SPEAKER_00: always like maximum light.
• 51:42
  And recently I've been playing with a little bit more darkness
• 51:45
  just on a physical
• 51:46
  SPEAKER_00: level,
• 51:46
  SPEAKER_00: and then I'll move on to the metaphorical.
• 51:48
  SPEAKER_00: But there is actually something that I didn't notice before,
• 51:51
  SPEAKER_00: how the system really gets a chance to relax when there's no light.
• 51:58
  SPEAKER_00: And...
• 52:00
  If I need to go to the bathroom at night,
• 52:02
  I don't need to turn on the lights.
• 52:04
  SPEAKER_00: I can still navigate without any light.
• 52:07
  So I have access to more of my sensory perceptions that I my
• 52:12
  mind doesn't even
• 52:12
  SPEAKER_00: think that I have.
• 52:14
  SPEAKER_00: But actually, I feel like we do have also
• 52:24
  moving into the metaphorical the dark is also a time of
• 52:29
  hibernation digestion uh in
• 52:35
  terms of digesting the pain digesting the dissolving of the
• 52:43
  expectations that do
• 52:45
  SPEAKER_00: not seem to work in reality as i would hope um
• 53:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah,
• 53:03
  I really would say it's like a hibernation thing in order to
• 53:09
  digest the pain,
• 53:13
  SPEAKER_00: the dissolving of things that are not working,
• 53:19
  SPEAKER_00: get a little bit of a rest.
• 53:22
  SPEAKER_00: When I'm in the darkness,
• 53:24
  I do need some time for the system to just be still and quiet
• 53:31
  until it can start
• 53:33
  SPEAKER_00: slowly coming out of the freeze and the dissociation and...
• 53:39
  SPEAKER_00: Slowly gathering energy again, and then maybe I actually go outside.
• 53:45
  SPEAKER_00: For me, going outside is an actual transition.
• 53:48
  SPEAKER_00: So when I'm in the darkness,
• 53:50
  SPEAKER_00: it's very hard for me to exit the space where I'm hibernating,
• 53:55
  SPEAKER_00: even though I know it could be generative,
• 53:57
  SPEAKER_00: but still it's a hard transition.
• 53:59
  But then slowly as I'm emerging from the hibernation and I do
• 54:04
  go out into the
• 54:04
  SPEAKER_00: elements,
• 54:05
  SPEAKER_00: that could help.
• 54:07
  SPEAKER_00: Coming back to the light slowly, coming back to the ocean.
• 54:18
  Letting go and also letting go not just of the expectations and
• 54:24
  my hopes and
• 54:25
  SPEAKER_00: wishes,
• 54:25
  SPEAKER_00: but also letting go of
• 54:31
  SPEAKER_00: the disappointment, that things can't be the way I wish them to be.
• 54:47
  SPEAKER_00: But then once I come back into the light,
• 54:50
  SPEAKER_00: metaphorically,
• 54:51
  SPEAKER_00: the dark periods,
• 54:55
  SPEAKER_00: as I reflect back on them,
• 54:59
  SPEAKER_00: do create a sense of appreciation of things as they evolve and change and
• 55:08
  appreciation of experiencing different types of things that
• 55:12
  maybe I wouldn't have
• 55:13
  even gotten to experience had I not gone through those dark
• 55:16
  moments and that whole
• 55:18
  SPEAKER_00: recalibration of what is possible or what is expected.
• 55:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 55:31
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to put a bin in it here.
• 55:42
  SPEAKER_01: I want to share two things.
• 55:48
  SPEAKER_01: First is just like the somatic feeling that...
• 55:55
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know,
• 55:55
  SPEAKER_01: like,
• 55:56
  SPEAKER_01: I can't connect it in my mind rationally with,
• 56:01
  SPEAKER_01: like,
• 56:01
  SPEAKER_01: create a logical connection with anything that has been said words-wise.
• 56:13
  SPEAKER_01: But I have, through this conversation, this feeling of that
• 56:26
  SPEAKER_01: graces me through my core.
• 56:34
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know what it means.
• 56:35
  SPEAKER_01: I just wanted to share it.
• 56:39
  SPEAKER_01: In the sense that this calm is created by the conversation.
• 56:50
  SPEAKER_01: As things emerge...
• 56:54
  SPEAKER_01: and I integrate them in the body.
• 56:58
  It's sort of similar to what we discussed when we shared our
• 57:06
  experience with
• 57:06
  SPEAKER_01: somatic resilience,
• 57:08
  SPEAKER_01: like when different things are pulling us together,
• 57:11
  SPEAKER_01: we turn it together in different directions,
• 57:14
  SPEAKER_01: and at the end you let go
• 57:17
  SPEAKER_01: you surrender,
• 57:19
  SPEAKER_01: I surrender myself,
• 57:22
  SPEAKER_01: to the field,
• 57:22
  SPEAKER_01: to the process,
• 57:23
  SPEAKER_01: and it's like,
• 57:29
  SPEAKER_01: something is happening to me,
• 57:32
  SPEAKER_01: in me,
• 57:35
  SPEAKER_01: in the darkness,
• 57:35
  SPEAKER_01: I'm literally in the darkness now.
• 57:41
  SPEAKER_01: And then I also wanted to share, when I was listening to your
• 57:48
  SPEAKER_01: Your story.
• 57:49
  SPEAKER_01: I remembered how recently when I felt really,
• 57:59
  SPEAKER_01: really in the dark place myself internally,
• 58:02
  SPEAKER_01: that it was the moment of total desperation.
• 58:08
  SPEAKER_01: Nothing works and nothing will ever work.
• 58:13
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm totally worthless.
• 58:16
  SPEAKER_01: I was doing one of the George Spencer's meditations,
• 58:23
  and actually it involves first dissolving yourself in the
• 58:26
  darkness and then you
• 58:28
  sort of connect to the energy of abundance and freedom and
• 58:37
  something else.
• 58:39
  But what was significant for me in that experience is that when
• 58:45
  I'm in the dark
• 58:45
  SPEAKER_01: place,
• 58:46
  SPEAKER_01: I have this knot in my back.
• 58:54
  SPEAKER_01: And I didn't want to dissolve.
• 58:57
  SPEAKER_01: I was working very hard on dissolving myself in the darkness,
• 59:01
  SPEAKER_01: but all what was left for me,
• 59:03
  SPEAKER_01: these knots,
• 59:06
  SPEAKER_01: It was very, like, it was very deformed form, not nice, not pleasant.
• 59:29
  SPEAKER_01: And the realization, like, the
• 59:33
  relief i felt when i realized he look like this is also the
• 59:40
  part of me i can be in
• 59:43
  pain and i can let myself to be in pain i can let myself be
• 59:49
  just this ugly knot
• 59:53
  SPEAKER_01: is not going anywhere and just floating in the empty cosmos.
• 59:59
  SPEAKER_01: And all this energy of abundance means that even being an ugly thing,
• 1:00:10
  SPEAKER_01: small and worthy,
• 1:00:12
  SPEAKER_01: I still can't receive and be helped by the universe anymore.
• 1:00:18
  And I don't need to do something to change myself from being an
• 1:00:24
  ugly knot into
• 1:00:25
  SPEAKER_01: something nice or like to follow the instructions.
• 1:00:32
  And then the connection to the energy of freedom was also like
• 1:00:39
  the revelation that
• 1:00:41
  SPEAKER_01: the freedom means the freedom to be ugly and
• 1:00:49
  SPEAKER_01: Like not being able to do and correct it.
• 1:00:54
  SPEAKER_01: Just, okay, this is what I am and I allow myself to be this way.
• 1:00:59
  SPEAKER_01: Loading in empty cosmos, an ugly knot.
• 1:01:04
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:01:14
  SPEAKER_02: Sometime, somehow I'm feeling...
• 1:01:19
  now that some sadness and darkness kind of enveloping myself
• 1:01:33
  and I just want to say
• 1:01:34
  that actually it's very precious to be in the darkness and also
• 1:01:42
  to stay aware that
• 1:01:45
  SPEAKER_02: you're in the darkness and also
• 1:01:48
  SPEAKER_02: to stay aware of what it is that you have,
• 1:01:52
  SPEAKER_02: the resources,
• 1:01:54
  SPEAKER_02: physical,
• 1:01:55
  SPEAKER_02: emotional,
• 1:01:56
  SPEAKER_02: energetic resources,
• 1:01:57
  SPEAKER_02: other people who can be there for you.
• 1:02:02
  SPEAKER_02: But of course,
• 1:02:02
  SPEAKER_02: we know that sometimes,
• 1:02:04
  SPEAKER_02: you know,
• 1:02:05
  SPEAKER_02: some people just cannot have access to those resources.
• 1:02:10
  SPEAKER_02: And so they just jump into darkness again.
• 1:02:20
  um so i just want like i i now i really suddenly appreciate
• 1:02:28
  what we have been
• 1:02:29
  discussing here as actually major resources that we have and um
• 1:02:45
  yeah um also
• 1:02:47
  SPEAKER_02: thinking about the
• 1:02:49
  SPEAKER_02: myth about Inanna, who went to the underworld to visit her sister.
• 1:02:57
  And what she had to carry with her were a lot of ornaments,
• 1:03:07
  protective items.
• 1:03:09
  SPEAKER_02: Because every time you go into the underworld, which humans are,
• 1:03:18
  SPEAKER_02: supposed to go to the underworld.
• 1:03:21
  From what I understand now,
• 1:03:25
  they used to have the skills to go into the underworld.
• 1:03:31
  But anyway,
• 1:03:32
  those ornaments and protections,
• 1:03:34
  they're very,
• 1:03:35
  very,
• 1:03:36
  very precious.
• 1:03:41
  SPEAKER_02: Something that is so
• 1:03:49
  challenging but also you know having been through those times
• 1:03:58
  in the end such such
• 1:04:00
  a gift because that depth where the depth of the well where you
• 1:04:08
  were trapped turned
• 1:04:13
  SPEAKER_02: out it had a lot of things that
• 1:04:18
  the middle world doesn't have and now shared with you those
• 1:04:27
  super unique and
• 1:04:28
  precious gifts and because and then the question is for me
• 1:04:33
  actually at the moment
• 1:04:35
  what what do you do with those gifts right because you didn't
• 1:04:40
  get it for yourself
• 1:04:44
  SPEAKER_02: And I'll finish with the last thing.
• 1:04:47
  SPEAKER_02: Lately,
• 1:04:48
  in this context of understanding what darkness is and having
• 1:04:53
  the resources and also
• 1:04:55
  having done a lot of different things and constantly doing a
• 1:04:59
  lot of different
• 1:05:00
  SPEAKER_02: things.
• 1:05:01
  SPEAKER_02: And now when I still feel this very powerful pull by the darkness,
• 1:05:08
  SPEAKER_02: to me it's a sign I need to go there.
• 1:05:11
  SPEAKER_02: To me, it's a sign there is something there that I need to learn.
• 1:05:19
  I feel like we need to have an episode where Yula shares a
• 1:05:24
  survival kit for
• 1:05:25
  SPEAKER_00: darkness and we reframe darkness as actually...
• 1:05:30
  A time to explore and discover and not just resilience our way
• 1:05:35
  out of it.
• 1:05:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what are the gifts of darkness?
• 1:05:43
  SPEAKER_00: We're so private to think about it as like a bad negative thing.
• 1:05:47
  SPEAKER_00: Such a normal...
• 1:05:52
  phenomenon for a lot of us maybe in different ways of course in
• 1:05:57
  different depths
• 1:05:57
  but is that not the experience of like the human experience so
• 1:06:04
  why is it that we
• 1:06:05
  don't also talk about how to make the dark times more
• 1:06:09
  comfortable and I don't know
• 1:06:13
  SPEAKER_00: not pleasant but like how to do it better not better in like a
• 1:06:20
  SPEAKER_00: how do we perfect this experience,
• 1:06:21
  SPEAKER_00: but better in terms of more accepting,
• 1:06:24
  SPEAKER_00: more smooth,
• 1:06:26
  SPEAKER_00: less scary?
• 1:06:26
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not sure that you can make it more comfortable.
• 1:06:36
  SPEAKER_01: It's more about,
• 1:06:37
  SPEAKER_01: okay,
• 1:06:37
  SPEAKER_01: what are the toolboxes,
• 1:06:39
  SPEAKER_01: the tools we can use to learn to feel better in the discomfort?
• 1:06:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, less resistance in the discomfort and the darkness.
• 1:06:55
  SPEAKER_00: It's still about letting go.
• 1:06:58
  SPEAKER_01: One of my questions that I planned was about sharing our toolboxes.
• 1:07:01
  SPEAKER_01: What helps us to...
• 1:07:16
  SPEAKER_01: flow through the dark places and dark times, but we are out of time.
• 1:07:24
  SPEAKER_01: So I can share quickly one of my latest tricks that I use.
• 1:07:33
  And it has to do with many things that we have discussed before
• 1:07:37
  with like this,
• 1:07:39
  like letting go.
• 1:07:43
  SPEAKER_01: stop resisting.
• 1:07:44
  SPEAKER_01: So, like, I imagine myself that I'm a boat and a flow in the river.
• 1:07:52
  SPEAKER_01: And I let myself,
• 1:07:57
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 1:07:57
  SPEAKER_01: I not let myself,
• 1:07:58
  SPEAKER_01: I let the river take me wherever it is taking me,
• 1:08:06
  SPEAKER_01: without steering,
• 1:08:07
  SPEAKER_01: without,
• 1:08:08
  SPEAKER_01: like,
• 1:08:08
  SPEAKER_01: trying to change direction.
• 1:08:11
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just entrusting myself to the river.
• 1:08:13
  SPEAKER_01: Because I'm a boat and this is what I'm supposed to do.
• 1:08:17
  SPEAKER_01: It's just slow.
• 1:08:22
  SPEAKER_01: It does help to release tension.
• 1:08:30
  SPEAKER_00: I like that visual.
• 1:08:32
  SPEAKER_00: It somatically feels right.
• 1:08:36
  SPEAKER_00: You know what we're going to say?
• 1:08:38
  SPEAKER_02: I had to, but maybe I'll share it another time.
• 1:08:42
  I had an experience recently where I just somehow a lot of
• 1:08:47
  things came together for
• 1:08:48
  me in sensing that I need to be in the darkness and that it's
• 1:08:56
  an invitation for me
• 1:08:58
  SPEAKER_02: and that also I can invite or I can ask for
• 1:09:08
  protection and for support and i'm not actually even supposed
• 1:09:13
  to do it alone and
• 1:09:15
  yeah i had a really interesting and also beautiful experience
• 1:09:21
  again being with the
• 1:09:23
  tree but in a very special way i think for around three four
• 1:09:27
  hours i was just there
• 1:09:29
  SPEAKER_02: like doing absolutely nothing the word that
• 1:09:35
  SPEAKER_02: I think I was getting it as a whisper from the trees.
• 1:09:40
  SPEAKER_02: It was surrender, surrender.
• 1:09:46
  And then several cycles of different things came,
• 1:09:52
  and I was surrendering to each of them.
• 1:09:55
  SPEAKER_02: And they came and went and came and went.
• 1:09:59
  SPEAKER_02: And
• 1:10:04
  SPEAKER_02: it was really cool.
• 1:10:06
  SPEAKER_02: So that's like something that I hold very special at the moment.
• 1:10:10
  SPEAKER_02: Haven't even fully processed yet.
• 1:10:16
  SPEAKER_00: That's cool.
• 1:10:19
  I want to ask what tree Yula would be if she had the chance to
• 1:10:23
  come back as a tree
• 1:10:25
  SPEAKER_00: or what tree you think you were maybe in some other lifetime,
• 1:10:28
  SPEAKER_00: but that's for another episode probably.
• 1:10:30
  SPEAKER_00: Um,
• 1:10:34
  I like the pivot in our not just conversation,
• 1:10:40
  but kind of where this topic went.
• 1:10:42
  SPEAKER_00: So this is not where I thought we were going to go.
• 1:10:45
  SPEAKER_00: But I actually am feeling like a somatic shift around the topic.
• 1:10:51
  SPEAKER_00: It went from like really heavy and dark to like, oh,
• 1:10:57
  SPEAKER_00: What are the gifts in all of this?
• 1:10:59
  SPEAKER_00: How do we relax into it?
• 1:11:01
  SPEAKER_00: How do we allow this darkness to...
• 1:11:05
  SPEAKER_00: not be a punishment?
• 1:11:08
  How do we flow in this boat on this river and accept it as part
• 1:11:16
  of the journey and
• 1:11:17
  SPEAKER_00: as part of life?
• 1:11:18
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, the sea is not always calm, right?
• 1:11:21
  The sea has all kinds of twists and turns and temperatures and
• 1:11:27
  storms and times of peace.
• 1:11:30
  SPEAKER_00: Like, if we could do darkness...
• 1:11:39
  SPEAKER_00: easier with more acceptance and more ease.
• 1:11:43
  SPEAKER_00: More ease in the darkness.
• 1:11:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 1:11:47
  SPEAKER_00: I want that.
• 1:11:50
  SPEAKER_01: Well, actually, I'm...
• 1:11:53
  I'm very glad that you mentioned the shift that happens because
• 1:12:01
  that was actually
• 1:12:01
  SPEAKER_01: my last question to close up.
• 1:12:03
  SPEAKER_01: We need to finish.
• 1:12:06
  SPEAKER_01: Let's follow up on Polina's shift she described.
• 1:12:12
  SPEAKER_01: Actually, what shifted in you during the conversation?
• 1:12:18
  SPEAKER_01: Finish.
• 1:12:20
  SPEAKER_01: Yula, what has shifted in you?
• 1:12:30
  SPEAKER_02: I really experienced a shift when we were discussing and it was for me,
• 1:12:34
  SPEAKER_02: it wasn't that heavy and dark somehow.
• 1:12:39
  And there is,
• 1:12:42
  I could feel that I'm better to able orient myself in the dark.
• 1:12:49
  SPEAKER_02: And then it's still at some moment,
• 1:12:55
  SPEAKER_02: It's just something heavy came and it wanted me to acknowledge it.
• 1:13:03
  And then after acknowledging it,
• 1:13:05
  I just felt really sensations of alignment,
• 1:13:13
  being alive.
• 1:13:15
  SPEAKER_02: Alignment.
• 1:13:18
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's good, yeah.
• 1:13:19
  SPEAKER_01: Being alive, alignment.
• 1:13:21
  SPEAKER_01: This is what it is.
• 1:13:23
  SPEAKER_00: Alivement came upon me.
• 1:13:25
  SPEAKER_00: Aliveness.
• 1:13:26
  SPEAKER_00: Aliveness.
• 1:13:27
  SPEAKER_01: I like alignment.
• 1:13:31
  SPEAKER_00: I like alignment more.
• 1:13:34
  SPEAKER_00: But you see, you did feel a shift.
• 1:13:37
  SPEAKER_00: That was also part of that was part of the shift that I'm describing.
• 1:13:40
  SPEAKER_00: Because I know you went from here to there, but then some in them back.
• 1:13:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:13:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:13:49
  I agree that life actually is getting born,
• 1:13:53
  is being born in the darkness.
• 1:13:58
  SPEAKER_01: It's coming out of the darkness.
• 1:14:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:14:03
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:14:06
  SPEAKER_00: Well, yeah, literally out of the womb.
• 1:14:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:14:10
  SPEAKER_01: Quite dark.
• 1:14:12
  SPEAKER_01: Like,
• 1:14:14
  SPEAKER_01: I must confess,
• 1:14:15
  SPEAKER_01: my own darkness is always related to how,
• 1:14:20
  SPEAKER_01: in my head,
• 1:14:21
  SPEAKER_01: I think other people evaluate me.
• 1:14:25
  SPEAKER_01: And so, like, facilitating the episode always...
• 1:14:34
  is always challenging for me and bringing me face to face with
• 1:14:38
  my darkness.
• 1:14:41
  SPEAKER_01: I always imagined the worst.
• 1:14:44
  SPEAKER_01: But being a good, brave soldier, I just face my fear.
• 1:14:51
  And during our conversation,
• 1:14:56
  all this,
• 1:14:56
  speaking about the surrender and letting go,
• 1:15:02
  helped me to relax this tension of being the brave soldier to
• 1:15:09
  steer to where I wanted to go.
• 1:15:11
  SPEAKER_01: Just let it be with the process, with the field.
• 1:15:17
  SPEAKER_01: Let's see what is emerging.
• 1:15:19
  SPEAKER_01: It will not go where you want it to go, but that's okay.
• 1:15:25
  SPEAKER_01: And yeah,
• 1:15:27
  SPEAKER_01: this somatic experience that I shared,
• 1:15:29
  like of this calm in the core that is emerging in the core from
• 1:15:36
  this pool of
• 1:15:37
  SPEAKER_01: contradictory forces that are pulling me in different directions.
• 1:15:41
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's coming from that, it's related to that.
• 1:15:48
  SPEAKER_01: I think for me... A random trust.
• 1:15:50
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, sorry.
• 1:15:50
  SPEAKER_00: Go ahead.
• 1:15:50
  SPEAKER_00: I apologize.
• 1:15:51
  SPEAKER_00: No, that's all.
• 1:15:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:15:53
  SPEAKER_00: You were saying trust?
• 1:15:56
  SPEAKER_00: No, like I did finish.
• 1:15:58
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 1:16:00
  SPEAKER_00: I think for me,
• 1:16:01
  the most transitionary aspect was when Eula started describing
• 1:16:05
  the interesting and
• 1:16:10
  SPEAKER_00: curious aspects of the darkness.
• 1:16:13
  SPEAKER_00: That's when I started interacting with it,
• 1:16:17
  SPEAKER_00: like from a different perspective and started being able to shift around
• 1:16:24
  SPEAKER_00: the perception of darkness.
• 1:16:25
  SPEAKER_00: And then that's how I started remembering,
• 1:16:28
  SPEAKER_00: wait,
• 1:16:28
  SPEAKER_00: I actually feel really good when I turn off all the lights.
• 1:16:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's like really a reset into something else.
• 1:16:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:16:35
  SPEAKER_00: So that was really cool for me.
• 1:16:36
  SPEAKER_00: I wish I would remember that when,
• 1:16:39
  SPEAKER_00: when I'm going down the pathway of into the darkness,
• 1:16:45
  SPEAKER_00: if it just wasn't so painful.
• 1:16:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:16:49
  So the invitation to our listeners is please share your stories
• 1:16:54
  of what is your
• 1:16:56
  SPEAKER_01: relationship with your own darkness,
• 1:16:59
  SPEAKER_01: your dark places?
• 1:17:01
  SPEAKER_01: What is your toolbox?
• 1:17:06
  SPEAKER_01: What helps you to go through the dark times?
• 1:17:12
  SPEAKER_01: And what has shifted in you during our conversation?
• 1:17:18
  SPEAKER_01: We will be glad to hear from you.
• 1:17:20
  SPEAKER_01: And thank you for flowing with us through the darkness.
• 1:17:27
  SPEAKER_01: And in the dark.
• 1:17:32
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 1:17:35
  SPEAKER_03: Thanks for listening.
• 1:17:37
  SPEAKER_03: How was it for you?
• 1:17:39
  We believe that the more people experience group flow together,
• 1:17:43
  the better off we all are.
• 1:17:45
  SPEAKER_03: More connected, more creative, more alive.
• 1:17:49
  SPEAKER_03: So let's expand the field.
• 1:17:52
  SPEAKER_01: If this episode resonated with you, help us spread the word.
• 1:17:58
  SPEAKER_01: Share it with a friend, leave a comment or give us a rating.
• 1:18:03
  SPEAKER_01: We love you.
• 1:18:05
  SPEAKER_00: Do subscribe so you'll know when the next experiment comes out.
• 1:18:09
  SPEAKER_00: You can also connect with us on our Life & Flow group substack.
• 1:18:12
  SPEAKER_00: We'd love to hear from you.
• 1:18:15
  SPEAKER_00: Let's keep flowing together.