Latest / Enough & Evolving / How to Move from Self Doubt into Self Trust
Transcript
- Tyona Vallejo: Hello and welcome to Enough In Evolving Podcast. I'm your host, Tyona Vallejo, master certified life coach and mindfulness expert, you reclaim confidence, break through unhelpful patterns and manifest the relationships and life you desire. Now let's get started. If you're listening to this and you're recognizing yourself in these patterns, this is exactly the work I do inside my coaching. This isn't something you have to figure out alone. If you're ready to feel more confident, grounded, and self-trusting, I'd love to support you. Check out the show notes to book a consultation coaching call today. Hey friends, welcome back to the podcast. And if you're joining for the first time, welcome. we are ⁓ on episode 11. And I have special treat for you. recently did a workshop for women of wellness. ⁓ It was a workshop ⁓ all about stepping into greater confidence. specifically for the businesswoman, the entrepreneur. if you are not an entrepreneur or businesswoman, then this still can apply to you. ⁓ ⁓ yourself, where is it that you're stuck in self-doubt or where might you be finding overthinking, not feeling confident to make decisions or just second guessing yourself a lot. This workshop is going to help walk you through from self-doubt to self-trust. I'm going to talk about specific to understand you are stuck in a cycle of self-doubt, ⁓ how to get out, to recognize what's happening in your nervous system. I'm going to talk about specific states ⁓ of the nervous system. as well as walk you through a specific exercise that's really gonna be a game changer for grounding you in safety. So without further ado, enjoy the workshop. Thank you all for to this workshop today. We are so excited to be talking about the topic, self-doubt ⁓ how to alchemize that into self-rest, right? So I ⁓ this is going to be worth your ⁓ time. ⁓ It is definitely my hope that you take away some important about ⁓ your experience with self doubt and hopefully a lot of self compassion ⁓ as we to dive in a little bit deeper to the material and ⁓ what it that is happening when we're experiencing self-doubt, why it kind of, you know, side takes us away and really just steals our confidence. So we can get started ⁓ on ⁓ our. presentation. we're talking about ⁓ self-doubt, moving from self-doubt to self-trust today. And again, my name is Tyona Vallejo. ⁓ For those of you haven't met, hello. It's wonderful to connect this amazing. platform, right? We're all able to be in our own little, you know, homes or wherever we are in this planet and connect via this screen, right? This is so fun. I am a master certified life and business coach and I am the founder of Enough and Evolving Coating and Wellness. For the past 14 years, I've worked in the mindfulness and somatic healing space. I worked as a yoga instructor, meditation teacher and a coach. And it's been my passion to help women break through self-doubt so that they can learn to really regulate their emotional patterns and build self-trust. Just to give you a little background about my story coming into this work is that I came to ⁓ coaching probably, let's see, it was 2012 when I first started working with my first coach. ⁓ I had been working in corporate for while. I ⁓ meditation and yoga and really helped me just find more overall, helped me deal with a lot of the stress, the pressures that I was experiencing in corporate, in business. And then from I actually laid off at that time, but it was timing because I was starting a family. So I got to stay home with my kids as I began to them and they started to grow up. And then as they started to get older, I thought I'm gonna go back to work, but I wasn't really wild about going back to corporate. So I decided since I loved yoga so much, this was the time that I'd take ⁓ yoga training, right? This was the only time if I was gonna start working full-time. when I did that, it really just started to transform how I was showing up. when I immersed myself into the And then from there, started, was actually experiencing some difficulties at home, some challenges in both finances as well as in my marriage. And so I had therapy, had tried all the things, and I ended up going to a coach. And in working with my coach, really started to step into more autonomy for the ways that I was showing up, really seeing how I was getting in my own way. She really had helped me start to understand myself ⁓ to ⁓ understand the emotions that were coming up with me, what I was experiencing and where those emotions were coming from. So Fast forward, I worked with, after working with a few different coaches, what I really saw shift in as I started to build my business that the nervous system was the missing component that I didn't ⁓ until probably the last couple of years. that really has helped me to feel ⁓ ⁓ more confident, show up in a new way ⁓ my business and in my life. And forgot to share with my marriage improved, my business started to take off. So lots of good things began when I started putting this work into play. And this is what I want to share with you today. So let's dive into self doubt and how it shows up in your life. Let's see here, going back to the share. So self doubt. What does it look like? What does it sound like? Maybe you've heard yourself feeling excited about your business. I, you know what I wish I would have asked you before I meant to ask you all how many of you, I mean, just assuming women of wellness or most of you are in business or you're an entrepreneur of some type type, ⁓ a something in the chat, put a thumbs up. If you're an entrepreneur, or you're a woman of business or you're doing something or you want, you have a side hustle or maybe you're working on something. You've got an idea that you wanna start something, but you're kind of stuck. Yeah? Okay, good. Lots of it. Lots of thumbs up. Okay, we're on the right track. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Okay, perfect. All right. So. So with the looking at this list here, you might have felt excited about your business or you might still be feeling excited about your business, but just noticing maybe simple doubts creeping in. Maybe some of you feel like you get stuck in comparison. Maybe you notice yourself comparing yourself a lot and questioning, doubting whether or not you should be on this path. whether you should keep going. Or number three, you overthink. You are constantly spinning in, know, taking so to complete tasks, or ⁓ maybe takes you a long time to decide, should I do this? Should I do that? Number four, you start something, but then you second guess, and then you end up quitting on yourself or abandoning yourself there. Number five, you want to speak ⁓ up, show but you hesitate. I So you, first of all, know that you are not alone in that this is ⁓ such a human for us to feel self doubt. If you take nothing away from this, this talk today, except reminding yourself that this is such a human experience, there is nothing that has gone wrong. Actually, it's a real good sign that things are going right, that you are on the right track for expanding yourself into a new ⁓ place, new capacity, a new, you're moving towards your goal if you're experiencing self-doubt. So we're going to reframe the way we're experiencing self-doubt. Maybe some of you have heard your mind saying something like, something with me? Maybe I'm not cut out for this. I worked on my mindset. Why am I still doubting myself? How do I trust myself and make the right decision? Some of are identity issues that we fall into. We start to adopt the habit. of thinking that somehow we're less than or is wrong with us intrinsically. Some of these are learning to ⁓ yourself and get past the fear of failure. How do I know if it's intuition or fear, right? And then why do I overthink? Why can't I just make a decision and move ⁓ Why I second guessing? Why do I hold myself back? All of these, I'd like you to understand are ways that your nervous system is trying to protect you. let's go to this next slide here. The truth about self-doubt. Self-doubt is actually protection. Self-doubt is not a flaw. It's not proof that you're failing. Woo, hear that one, hear that one loud. It is not proof that you're failing. It's often a protective response from your nervous system. We are wired for safety. Our brain, our nervous system, it is constantly trying to keep us safe. a live survival. It's what its job is. Your brain's job is to keep you safe, not successful, right? ⁓ growth feels unfamiliar. It's a perceived threat. When we go outside of our comfort zone, when we get up and we do ⁓ ourselves to do something differently or put ourselves in a different environment that we're not used to, There's all sorts of alerts happening in our brain and our nervous system that are to each other saying that, whoa, she's in trouble here. Something's off, something's wrong. There's a perceived threat. So no wonder self-doubt feels horrible, right? Because your body is literally telling you you're in potential threat here. but self-doubt is protection it shows up when we're expanding. So the two types of dysregulated states that we often experience are either a hyperactive state where we're moving into fight or flight. And the second one is a hypoactive state where we're feeling kind of a lower energy. So hyperactive state is when you hear things like your mind says, have to do this. I just must do this. I have no choice. I've got to get this done. you to ⁓ feel there's nuances of danger. Like there's a lot of drama happening around you. Or the seems scary, which is often ⁓ what we're experiencing And you feel threatened. You feel unsafe in this state. Sometimes you can become very combative in this state. You can feel very defensive. You're always trying to like prove your point. a lot of times we don't sleep very well when we're stuck in this hyperactive state of fight or flight. Now in the hypoactive state, it's on the other scale energy where you're not engaging. You're feeling numb. You're feeling lower energy. Maybe your world feels like it's overwhelming and everything feels pointless. You feel possibly invisible or alone or desperate or lost. a lot of times you're in this zone of disconnection. Which ⁓ one of those ⁓ hypoactive or are you noticing in more often? We aren't always in one. We tend to move in between states. If you're asking what freeze looks like, well, there is functional freeze where it's actually ⁓ a state of hyperactivity you get stuck in. It's like a burnout state. And that is actually considered mixed state, ⁓ actually. And then there is the hypo is really a lower state. You can think of more like you're really feeling depressed, right? And anxiety can be found in both. And is kind of a catch all there. So we've got a mix of states that we're experiencing. ⁓ I said, anxiousness can run both of those. Anxiety will typically weaken the prefrontal cortex, which ⁓ is the place we access our highest thinking That's where our great decision-making comes from. when we go into these dysregulated states, then it weakens our access to that prefrontal cortex. We don't have ⁓ ⁓ as a ability really connect that higher thinking mind. We may start to experience tunnel vision. or we may get miscritical details ⁓ start, you know, having poor ⁓ overthinking, ruminating, and it can ⁓ lead to decision paralysis. All right, so what does a regulated state look like in your body? A regulated state looks like a zone of tolerance or safety. This is where the problem solving occurs. This is where you have access to that CEO brain. This is where we thrive, where we grow. This is where you feel most present. You feel safe. You feel calm. And again, you make those effective decision making. You have ⁓ decision making, I should say. you feel resilient, right? So it's not that we are always going to be in ⁓ state and we stay there. But what is important to realize ⁓ that when you are in ⁓ zone of tolerance, we can grow that zone of tolerance based ⁓ different foundational, taking different foundational steps that helps us create more safety in our mind and our body. self-doubt leads to ⁓ overthinking, procrastination, perfectionism, people pleasing, staying small, quitting too soon. If of those familiar, please again, know that number one, you're not alone. Number two, this is so normal, right? It is so normal of a response for our mind once it's that prefrontal cortex is hijacked, it's really hard to access that higher thinking mind. And so of course you get stuck in this ruminating, you get stuck in the spinning. Or you get stuck in that freeze state of, don't know what to do. I don't know where to go. Or you get stuck in the overthinking, right? And that leads to you trying to make things perfect. You thinking that you need to get it right because you're worried about that fear of failure. the people pleasing is also a part of that as well. We're wanting to make sure that we're not in danger. That ⁓ we're going to be safe. So this is all completely normal human behavior. And it's showing that you are having, that you're on the right track. You're right on the cusp of expanding and your brain is being rewired. So it's not that you don't know what to do necessarily. In that moment, you don't know. but it's that your body doesn't feel safe. You can't mindset your way through self doubt. And that's what of us have been stuck trying to do. So let's look at... why mindset alone doesn't work. Because self-doubt is often ⁓ response, not a thought problem. It's ⁓ your system ⁓ being a state of either hyperactive or hypoactive that leads to you ⁓ not able to positive think your way out of that self-doubt. Maybe you've tried investing in more programs, investing in knowledge or certifications. You're just thinking, I just need this one next thing to help me feel like ⁓ can do this. There is ⁓ ⁓ right? Skills that we want to learn how to do. ⁓ it's helpful for us to invest our skills invest in our knowledge so that we can start to acquire those skills. But then there reaches a certain point where we have the skills, but we're still not feeling confident. We're still experiencing self-doubt. And that is a lot like, ⁓ that is what imposter syndrome is, right? They've done studies where they see that the more that that someone skill issue. actually that they have become dysregulated in their nervous system and they're trying to solve this problem through mindset alone. Is this making sense? Please put something in the chat, put again a thumbs up so that we can see, Cindy can see that things are, y'all are with us still. Now, maybe you've journaled, affirmed, mindseted your way through this, but it doesn't stick. It's because again, you cannot think your way out of a dysregulated nervous system. Now, let's talk about the self-trust method here. The self-trust method is what takes us from a dysregulated state into a regulated nervous system where we can access more clarity in our mind and we can create better decision making and move into deeper self-trust. Self-trust isn't something we just all of a sudden step into or ⁓ that we think our way into over just one time. It is something a muscle that we build ⁓ time. So the more that you practice learning regulate your body, learning to regulate your nervous system, then you're able to ⁓ access higher thinking. You're able to feel safer, make clear decisions and take action from those decisions, which then allows you to build that self trust. think there's someone else in the waiting room here. Neuroception. This is ⁓ our body's of ⁓ assessing It's ⁓ always It's happening behind the scenes. You don't even notice it's happening. Your body is so ⁓ miraculous, powerful. Your mind and your nervous system are always scanning your environment. That is called Exteroception and your interoception is happening inside of your body. So ⁓ nervous kind of scanning and noticing are there any potential areas of threat? Maybe you're feeling like your heart's starting to beat really fast or you're feeling a hot rush and I'm not talking about just the hot flashes that we're all. experiencing. I'm talking about the the when you're in a state of anxiety or self doubt or in a place of overwhelm and you start to feel like clammy in your hands, you're starting to ⁓ physiological changes in your body that are a sign that your nervous system is getting dysregulated. Tell me in the chat for those of you that are experiencing hyperactivity that hyperactivity with either the self-doubt or ⁓ can go with another emotion that you're experiencing. Maybe it's fear. Maybe it's anxiety that you're experiencing. What does that like? in your body? Drop it in the chat. What does it feel like to experience that emotion come up in your body? And then with the hypoactive people that are experiencing that, ⁓ does it feel like to experience the hypoactive state in your body? Maybe it's again, that can be anxiety or that can be feeling kind of disconnected. It can be feeling very like a lot of sadness, just ⁓ And I'm gonna invite you to go one step deeper, friends. I'm gonna invite you to ask yourself, what does hopelessness, what is that experience like in my body? Not just my mind, not the story of hopelessness, not the story of being in sense or fatigue or any of the other things we're experiencing. but can you actually get in touch with the physical sensation that you're experiencing in your body? See, in the body, tension, yes. ⁓ is the tension? Is the tension in the jaw? Is the tension in the throat? Is it in the shoulders? Heaviness in the chest, chest and hip. Yes, good, very nice. The reason I am asking this is because the more ⁓ awareness you can build around this experience, of dysregulation in your body and your nervous system, the more autonomy, the more power you have over it. We don't have any power over anything we aren't aware of that we're unconscious of. So it is so essential, my friends, to become aware of this stuff, even if it feels a little scary or a lot scary. It is so crucial for us to really start to gain this relationship with ourselves so that when we are noticing these things come up, we are able to take the steps to support ourselves. Instead of our, find ourselves, you at the end of the day, We're completely exhausted. don't even know that we've been dysregulated from the get-go. And we're like, my goodness, I anymore. ⁓ you want to, that's when we end up, you know, wanting to jump ship, wanting to leave, wanting to just shut down, right? Is when we can't have, our capacity for more has completely disintegrated. to fumes, right? We wanna catch it much further, much closer so that we can come back to regulating ourself very quickly. Self-regulation is safety. It's combining safety with relaxation. So we're going to logically that we're safe and we're also going to start to relax different parts of the body. that you were feeling were tight. This is going to expand your window of tolerance, your ability to regulated and move in between maybe something happens later and you're a little bit triggered something and you're to come back to that safety. to that regulation in your body, to that relaxation, and then you're not as easily thrown off. Now, I do wanna say, because this is so important, that we all experience triggers differently. We all have our own nervous system response, our own individual nervous system lens. based on our own traumas, our own conditioning. So you have your own thumbprint of the way that your nervous system experiences the world around you. The way that your brain filters information is all based on what you have been programmed with through your experiences and what you've been taught. So just because one person might experience a trigger much different than you, please, there is no comparison whatsoever. That's like apples and oranges. We're just not able to compare nervous systems because everybody has their own individual print. We talked about interception, extraception, how the nervous system is kind of deciphering all this stuff that's going on. ⁓ One last thing that's really fun to talk about and maybe I'll even throw up that slide one more time show you ⁓ this kind of looks like. So you see the gal's body there? Okay, we've got brain of ours, that beautiful, ⁓ smart, intelligent, capable brain, right? then we have that long vagus nerve that goes all the way down into your gut, okay? goes through all of your organs there. That is like the super highway for the nervous system, And what's so amazing about the Vegas nerve is that your mind is sending information to your body, but did you know that your body we're finding that your body is sending information to your brain? So in other words, the Vegas nerve is 80 % of the time sending information, cues of safety and danger up into your brain. So no wonder sometimes we get that feeling of tightness in our belly, that feeling of like that uncomfortable gut, right? Feeling that is a very relatable experience of the vagus nerve sending information up into the brain. All right, so let's into our little exercise. Now I do have a workbook that I wanted to send you all that goes, it even goes deeper into this information and it hand in hand with this exercise that we're going to do. So if you would like the workbook, drop your email in the chat and I'll be sure to get this workbook out to you. It's from Spiral to Self-Trust. Yeah, beautiful. Okay, excellent. All right, so grab a piece of paper. If you don't have one in front of you already. And we're gonna write down, after you're done adding your emails there. We're gonna write down the situation that you have been struggling with in your business. And if you don't feel like there's anything in your business, take your personal life. Maybe there's something in your relationships, whatever it is, whether it's something that has been coming up in your business that's been. feeling like it's triggering self doubt it's been triggering some kind of stress. Whatever that is, write it down. What is the situation in your business? Your life situation, whatever it is, write it down. What is that thing? that's been activating stress. Okay, now as you're writing this down. I want you to consider the story around this situation. What is the story? Yeah, Now. How has this affecting your emotions, your emotional health, your day-to-day, your behaviors? the way you're showing up. here's what I want you to do in this moment. I want you to take your hand on your heart and your hand on your gut there. And I want everyone to do this as well with their story, with their situation, their self doubt. And whether or not you feel comfortable, closing your eyes, ⁓ inward to your body more to help you tune into your body. I What I'd like you to do is just to notice that experience of self doubt, that experience of fear in your body. See if you can locate it. And then I'd like you to breathe into. And as you breathe into it and name it, this is self-doubt. This is fear. And this is my nervous system protecting me. Just say that to yourself. This is my nervous system protecting me. The self-doubt that I'm experiencing is simply my nervous system protecting me, keeping me safe. And now I'd like each of you to look around your room. And I'd like you to answer the question, am I safe in this moment, in my room? Am I safe? Most of us will say yes, absolutely. Hopefully 100 % of us will say yes, absolutely. Logically, I'm safe. But am I feeling safe? No, probably not, right? You're feeling the fear within your body. So you're logically safe. Now we need to teach our body that it is safe. So as you breathe into your body, remind yourself again that I am safe. I see the fear. I experienced the fear in my body. Maybe it's creates and not somewhere in my body. Notice that, acknowledge that, don't run from it, don't resist it. Breathe into it. And then after that, guess what? You've built both self-confidence and self-trust you are now... listening to yourself. You are now building a relationship with your mind, your body, your nervous system. You're not just trying to like bulldoze your way into what you think is right or what you think someone else is doing that you should be doing, right? You're not going to like be shaming yourself into this ⁓ of... in your business that leads to just burnout, right? So instead you're taking the time to actually treat yourself like you would treat your best friend, your loved one, your child, right? You wouldn't just if they came to you freaking out and afraid you wouldn't go, go, go, go suck it up. you would actually show up with more compassion for someone that you love, for your child or whomever. You wouldn't tell them that their feelings don't matter. ⁓ They should ⁓ have figured this out now or you're telling yourself, right? ⁓ That stems from that self-doubt, that place shouldn't be feeling this self-doubt anymore. None of that is helpful. What is helpful is when you veer towards self-compassion and you lean into that curiosity of what is happening in my mind and my body. What is my nervous system doing? What state am I in? And how can I support myself and regulate myself in a way that allows me to take the next inspired step? This work isn't always easy. It's actually can be very intimidating sometimes. So it can be very helpful, of course, to... ⁓ get a coach or a guide or someone that can help lead you through this work so that you can build your zone of tolerance, your safety, you can become more resilient. You aren't just getting stuck in situations where you're forever second guessing because you're dysregulated. You're able to come back to a regulated nervous system in your workspace. So in closing, I just want to thank you so very much and remind you that self doubt will still visit you, but it no longer has to control you. Your power is in learning how to return to yourself faster. Just like we did today in that simple technique of asking yourself, am I safe logically? Am I feeling safe? What am I feeling if I'm not feeling safe? what is that and getting in touch with that feeling to by simply turning your awareness into it, you're able to start to heal that which was unconscious prior. So I'd love to stay connected. I'm on Instagram, Facebook. Again, thank you so much for your time. I hope this really helps you learn a little bit about your own body, your mind, your nervous system, how to really deal with self doubt, how to reframe self doubt.