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Reduce Mind Drama With Five Transformative What Ifs · #BeMoreLobster

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Head drama.
• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: That is what my coach calls that incessant voice inside our head.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: The voice that is often self-deprecating, catastrophizing, ruminating, second guessing.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: And it got me to thinking just how challenging that one thing can make our life.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: Now, as you know, I hope by now I'm all about how we can find ways to seek simplicity in our everyday life.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: So today I'm going to share a simple but very powerful way for you to disrupt your brain's crappy head talk, which by the way is a human thing, not a you thing.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: So you can create more space and simplicity in your mind and your life.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: So if that sounds good to you, grab your brew and let's dive right in.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: 90% of those will be the same as you had yesterday and the day before and the day before and the day before.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: You know where I'm going.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: And it's suggested that 80% or more of those are negative in their bias.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: So right now, you can cut yourself a big slice of self-compassion cake because that voice in your head is a common theme amongst every human being.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: And what I'm going to offer you today is going to be a simple practice that gets you to start driving your own bus rather than your brain doing it.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: So whilst you are not your thoughts, I also want to let you know that you get to choose the ones that you cling on to.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: And those ones you cling on to, those ones that you hold and practice and rehearse, that's what you give weight to.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: And when you give weight to it, your brain goes into full alert and goes, Oh, this is important to you.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to make sure you keep getting evidence of this thought because you keep holding on to it.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: So I know it's important to you.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: And those thoughts are the ones that create your reality.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: So aside from the fact that having this head talk doesn't, or having this mind drama doesn't feel very good, if it's creating any kind of reality that you don't want, the answer is to start being aware of that self-talk, that head drama, and change it.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: What if?
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: The way that you do that is simply a matter of what if.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: I happen to think it is.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to share with you today five simple what if questions that can change everything for you.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: You may have heard, and I don't know who's here, but you may have heard that statement that the quality of your questions determines the quality of your life.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: I can tell you hands down that when I became a coach, learning how to actually ask questions and actively listen has been the thing that's had the most positive impact on every single area of my life.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: Being able to hear my own crappy head talk, challenge that, choose different, being able to hear what other people are saying in a way that helps me ask better questions for them, of them, to them, so that we can engage in better conversation.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: It's life-changing all round.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: But that's for another podcast.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: But I just wanted to let you know that.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: That is to help women to create power through consistency, get a result, and start to build their self-belief 21 days at a time.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's short enough to stay focused, it's long enough to get a result, and it's the perfect time to start building that self-belief.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: And alongside the conversations that I was reading in that and inside my personal transformation program, I was hearing and seeing the same things come up over and over again.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: So I answered every single one of those statements and questions with these five what if questions, and I'm going to share them with you right now.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: What if, number one, what if you don't need an immediate buy-in?
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: If you've done any kind of personal development, growth, whatever, and you've listened to videos and so on, and they talk to you about, you know, believing and you know, anchoring into the belief and affirming and all of these things, you probably know that you it's really hard to change a belief like that.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: It's certainly not impossible, but I know it can be very hard.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: But what if you didn't need that buy-in before you started taking action?
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: What if you didn't have to fully believe to begin?
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: And the thing is, can you notice that when you're waiting for your brain to agree, for your brain to be on board before you act, it actually keeps you stuck in these old identity loops, and you just find yourself doing more of them more of the same thing, waiting to feel different.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: When you start to take action, regardless of how you feel, you can start to build self-belief because you're repeating something different.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: You're probably saying something different in your head, you're taking different action, you're feeling different emotions, and your brain at some point's going to catch up and go, hey, we've got a new thing going on here.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: I think we need to shift.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: So I want you to think about how you can start doing something different before you're convinced, before you have self-belief.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: Let your actions lead your belief.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: Now, the caveat here is I often have women say to me, Yeah, but Louise, I've done this thing before and it didn't work.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: So why am I going to do it again?
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I say, but somewhere along the line, you quit.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you didn't quit, you wouldn't be where you are right now.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: And it's that whole process of stopping starting, quitting when you don't see the biggest, the big enough result in the quickest amount of time, or when it gets a little bit too difficult and you don't want to feel that emotion and you step back, what you're reaffirming is that you're right.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: I don't believe that.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not going to get the result.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: And so that's what you're creating.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: So you've got to keep going.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: Self-belief might not come in a week or two weeks or three weeks.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: It might take six months for you to really start to anchor into that.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: But isn't that worth it over what your experience is now?
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: So, number one is what if you don't need an immediate buy-in?
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: This next one is probably the biggest one, and it's the most the thing that I coach on the most, like hands down.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: What if it's always going to be some kind of hard discomfort, feeling emotional discomfort?
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: It's not the enemy.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's not going to kill you.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: For a lot of people, they feel really uncomfortable now.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: They're frustrated, they're unhappy, they're telling themselves that they're not good enough because they can't get themselves going.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: They don't feel healthy, they're not happy in their relationships, they don't have the job that they want, they're exhausted by living in a lot or existing in a life that doesn't light them up.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: So there's always going to be some kind of discomfort.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's just you decide the trade-off.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I want you to take on board that the discomfort that you choose is you choosing stagnation or growth.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's choosing more of the same, or it's choosing something different, even if you don't know what that what that is yet.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's choosing a shade of the same life that you've got now, or it's a completely different colour palette.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: It's feeling emotional discomfort because of your unhappiness, or it's feeling emotional, emotional discomfort of new, of growth, of expansion, of higher consciousness, like whatever it is that's important to you.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: But if you know and you use the question, but what if it's hard already?
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: What if it's always going to be some kind of hard?
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's going to help you to, when you feel frustrated, when you feel like you're circling the same habits over and over again, why not choose the hard that has the potential to lead you somewhere new rather than creating more of the same thing?
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of trying to avoid discomfort, could you offer yourself curiosity about, okay, so this is going to be hard, but this is hard.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: What might I obtain here?
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: What might I learn?
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: What might I gain?
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: How might I grow if I choose that?
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: If you think about it, the reason that that uncertain discomfort feels much worse is because we probably are in that head drama of catastrophizing, think practicing, rehearsing worst case scenario.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: But aren't you kind of already in worst case scenario?
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: So once you get used to the fact that there's always going to be some kind of hard and you get to choose the trade-off, now you're in the driver's seat.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: What if number three is what if it's up to you to find the balance?
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: This is based on so many posts that I've read from my clients and from my community that have this black or white thinking around rest or go hard or go home mentality.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: There is a huge spectrum in between those two things.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: I personally believe at this moment in my life, some people, 100%, their growth, their transformation at this moment in their life is going to happen in the healing part of that spectrum.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: The slowing down, the stopping, the healing.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: That's been my experience.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: When my dad died, I felt like that was all I had available.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: And it was the best gift that I gave myself.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: Other people, they're going to be in the go harder go home mentality, very aligned with that.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's not from a place of lack, it's from a place of determination, and that's where they want to go.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: For the most part, I'm going to say to people, you can have both.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: Most people can go hard and they can create time for balance and resetting and nervous system regulation.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm going to promote that every step of the way.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you use uh uh resting and recharging and restoring and regulating as part of your success strategy, you're gonna sustain yourself for the longest time.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: You're gonna be the highest, clearest, most aligned, most conscious version of yourself.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: And that on its own is success without the power that that gives you to create something so much bigger, so much more, I don't know, compelling for your life.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: But you have to find the balance.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: Balance isn't a state that you just suddenly arrive at, it's like this rhythm that you learn to feel.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: I know when I step back into getting caught up in just doing, because my voice, I my I start to speak more quickly.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: And when I'm walking the dog, I walk more quickly and I start plugging my ears in instead of just listening to the birds and watching for the hawks and talking to the horses.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: Like I can feel that in my body, and I now I'm that aware that I can go, oh, here she goes again.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: Step back, time to slow down.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: Let's get on the mat and do some somatics.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: And then it's kind of like I go to this other level.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: So this this you're looking for this rhythm that you create, and only you know if you are choosing to rest because you need it or because you're avoid avoiding the discomfort of growth.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: So that goes back to number two.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: Because let's just say, for instance, you did keep you found that you kept going into a pattern of, oh, I need to rest, I need to retreat, and you recognize that what that was doing is it's always stopping you from going to your next level of growth, then you know that you've got a pattern there of holding back, and you have to decide which discomfort you're gonna feel.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: So I want you to start asking yourself, is this a true rest?
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: Is it a disguised quit?
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: How do I create more balance in my life around the rest, regulate, restore so that I can, you know, give it everything that I've got.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: And you don't have to use the go hard or go home mentality.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: I don't personally like that, but I know what it feels like in my body when I'm ready to go, go, go.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I make sure my life is set up so that I can I can go on in that journey without burnout.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: So you have to find your own balance.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I just want for you to be really aware if you find yourself constantly quitting because you need a rest and asking yourself, is it because I really did burn out because I didn't manage myself, or am I just resisting that next level?
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: Number four, I love this one.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: What if you just decided?
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: How many times have you just said, oh, if I could just get clear on the exact steps that I need, or if I could just know which was the right one because I could do this, or I could do this, or I could do this, and I just don't know.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_00: We spend a lot of time in indecision, and indecision is exhausting.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: Let's just say, for instance, now you had four different options that you could take, and we go back to the mind drama.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: The person in charge of the mind drama orchestra is going to make sure that option ones, two, three, and four have got a full storyline behind them, a full score that probably catastrophizes every possible thing that could go wrong.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: So, what happens?
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: You keep looking for option number five where nothing goes wrong, where everything's easy, where you don't feel any discomfort.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: Only that doesn't exist.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: So you need to just make a decision already.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: Reduce decision fatigue by making it because clarity comes from commitment, because then you get into action.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: When you get into action, you can review and go, oh, that didn't work, or that really worked, or I could try that one this time.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_00: When you get in, when you make a definite decision, you shut down the doorways of doubts and don'ts.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: Because when you're when you're on the edge, when you're flipping between this or that, you will talk yourself out of it so you won't do anything and you will keep buying into doubt.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: Decision closes both of that doors.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's a definite decision.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: I am going to do this no matter what, and I'm going to learn to listen to myself, my internal narrative as I go along.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to listen to the the rhythm of my body and and and and learn what she's what she's telling me.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm going to bring those two things together to make sure I stay committed to this goal.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_00: So when you make that decision, you create momentum.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: Now, for those of you who are saying I make that decision every Monday, and yet by Friday, I'm letting myself down, or a week down the line, or a month down the line, you haven't made the definite decision.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you did, when that voice comes a knocking that says, Oh, like, don't do the thing today, don't go to the gym, don't have the healthy meal you've prepped, have the pizza.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, let that person talk to you like a piece of crap.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever it is that you're that you're working on, when you make the definite decision, you the voice in your head moves towards how do I say committed right now?
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_00: This is really hard.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_00: I want to quit, I want to give up, I want to punch that person in the face.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: What happens to happen?
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: What I have to say to myself to commit to my decision, versus ah, first opportunity to break it, you break it.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_00: I am not saying this is easy.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_00: If you're in my Facebook group, you will see, I think I might have even put it on my personal profile, that I wrote a very honest post about my first 21-day sprint was about reducing body fat.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_00: And to reduce body fat, I tracked my calories and macros for 20 other 21 days.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't drink alcohol and I worked out four to five times a week.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_00: Not drinking alcohol was such a challenge for me.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I share that in this post.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: There were so, so many times when, had I not made the commitment to my group, I would have given up.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_00: But the question had to be what do I have to think?
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: How do I have to feel?
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_00: What do I need to believe so that I can stay committed to this?
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I can tell you, hands down, it was the best experience.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_00: And the the benefits have been out of this world, along with along with losing 2% body fat in the in the three weeks.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_00: Just what's happened mentally for me, game changer.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I've been doing this a very long time.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_00: So what if you just decided, make the definite decision, close the door, choose, let your daily actions reflect that definite choice that you've made.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I think by the time you hear this, we'll have just started the 21-day sprint.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_00: You can come join us.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_00: I'll make sure I'll put a link to the Facebook group below.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_00: You can join us and we're just a couple of days in.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_00: So feel free to come do that.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: The last one is this.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_00: What if your mission was merely to build self-belief by doing something?
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: Because, like we spoke to in number one, self-belief doesn't come by waiting.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't become it doesn't come from visualization, it doesn't come from um from sitting there and looking at your vision board.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't come from waiting, planning, and perfecting.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_00: It comes from doing, it comes from taking action and thinking different thoughts that proves that there's a different version of you out there.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that you know that version of you is out there because otherwise you wouldn't keep trying.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_00: You would have quit totally by now.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: But that feeling in your belly that's like, I know there's more, that voice in your head that says, There's different for me, there's more for me, I just don't know what it is.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_00: I can't seem to get there.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_00: That's the voice of truth.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_00: That's the version of you that's going, come on, wake up, let's go.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_00: And what if your mission was just to keep feeding her one tiny step at a time?
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: Picking one thing and let the repetition teach your nervous system, teach your neural pathways, that you can be trusted to follow through.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_00: That you can trust yourself to feel the discomfort.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_00: That even if you do have a day that's not as good as the day before, it doesn't need to be a bad week.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't even need to be bad.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: It can just be, oh, that's interesting.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_00: That thing led to that thing, let to let that led to that thing.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: Let me address that thing.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: It's all a learning curve.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_00: We're not looking for perfection.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to celebrate progress.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_00: Progress is so freaking underrated, it drives me crackers.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_00: People are so busy at looking at what they didn't do, where they didn't stand up for themselves, where they didn't commit, they don't realize they did 20 things that week that they didn't do the week before.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_00: So, once again, I want to invite you to come into the Facebook group and just start the 21-day sprint with us now.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: I'm intending to run these every single month.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_00: So even if you just come and see what's happening.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_00: Because in order for you to make your mission to build self-belief by doing something, don't overthink the strategy.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_00: Pick one or two things and do them daily.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_00: Make them your commitment.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to go like if it for me, giving up alcohol felt really hard.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's something that is just so easy for me to do.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to go that hard to start with.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_00: If you're right at the beginning of the journey, pick something a little bit easier.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_00: And then maybe the second one or the third one, you can start to think something is more challenging, but we have to stretch into that discomfort.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_00: So you could pick 21 days of anything.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_00: 21 days of tracking your food, 21 days of moving your body in some way, 21 days of doing something that brings you absolute joy for no other purpose than it just brings you joy.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_00: 21 days of no phone in the evenings, you can spend time with your partner and your children.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_00: 21 days of no social media, like you get to pick, and you get to pick the level of discomfort that you're ready for.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to go zero to zero, you can stretch yourself into that.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_00: This isn't a five-step plan.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_00: These are five powerful, self-directing, self-led questions that come from truths that I have lived, from the things that have made the biggest difference for me, and from the most common limiting thoughts and beliefs that I've seen from my clients and my community.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_00: If you let them and you use them, these will break open doors for you, options, opportunities, instead of you just keep staring at it and thinking, oh, I wish I could, or ruminating on what could have been different.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to feel ready.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to wait for it to be easy.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_00: Just ask, what if I tried this?
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_00: How could I be curious about this?
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_00: What if I let it be hard and I did it anyway and I didn't make it mean anything about me?
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_00: What if this version of me right now is just enough to begin?
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_00: Seriously, these what if questions are phenomenal.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna put them up as a file inside my Facebook group so you can just come download that.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's called Seeking Simplicity.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_00: So do come join us.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'll put a link in the show notes.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_00: And please remember, if you are loving my podcast, when you leave me a review on Apple, it pushes it out to more people so more people get to hear it.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_00: So please take just one minute and write me a short review, please.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_00: It would be so appreciated.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll speak to you again in the next episode of the Seeking Simplicity podcast.