Latest / Becoming Anchored / Becoming Anchored S3E9: The Strengths of Sensitivity with April Snow

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Becoming Anchored S3E9: The Strengths of Sensitivity with April Snow · Becoming Anchored

0:03
Laura: Hi everyone.
0:04
Welcome to the Becoming Anchored podcast.
0:07
My name is Laura Dineen.
0:08
We have an amazing episode planned for you all.
0:11
Our other co host Lauren Jackson is not available today, but
0:14
she is here with us in spirit.
0:16
So we have the lovely April snow on.
0:19
This show today, and I couldn't be more excited to welcome her to this platform.
0:25
And she is just really a wealth of wisdom.
0:28
And I'm really excited for you all to learn from her and
0:31
to hear her amazing insights.
0:33
If you're new to this platform, we really are just about two things.
0:37
So Lauren and I love to share in our humanity with you all.
0:41
So we go through hard things, we go through pain and suffering, and we
0:45
talk about those on this podcast.
0:47
We also talk about the things that bring us joy and we have the amazing
0:51
gift of sitting with clients.
0:52
And So I'm going to talk a little bit about what we do in our role
0:54
as therapists on a daily basis.
0:54
We truly cherish the work that we do and can't imagine doing anything else.
0:59
And so we, we love to talk about our role as therapists.
1:03
And so real quick disclaimer, if you are listening and you might find yourself in
1:07
a place where you are wanting therapy, please feel free to reach out to us.
1:11
If you are in the state of.
1:12
Tennessee and April will also share a little bit more about how you can find
1:16
her in the second half of the show.
1:19
But yeah, if you are looking for therapy, we really encourage you to
1:22
reach out to someone local to you if you're not either in Tennessee or
1:25
California where April is located.
1:43
, so without further ado, welcome April.
1:46
April: Thank you so much, Laura.
1:47
I'm so excited to have this conversation with you.
1:49
Laura: Same, same.
1:50
So I was actually just chatting with April before we started recording and
1:54
I followed her content for a while now.
1:56
You were just one of the first people that came to mind when I
1:59
thought about who I wanted to have on the Becoming Anchored podcast.
2:02
And we're learning as we go.
2:03
And so I just really appreciate your willingness to jump in.
2:07
And it's been such a fun endeavor for myself and for Lauren to engage in.
2:11
And it's been really rewarding for us to meet people across the country
2:16
that we admire and we respect.
2:18
And so thank you for your time today.
2:20
April: Yeah, thank you so much.
2:21
I'm excited to dive in and talk about sensitivity.
2:24
Laura: Yeah, absolutely.
2:25
So this is what April is known for.
2:27
And I know that your wealth of knowledge and other topics other than sensitivity.
2:30
So maybe we can have you back at another time.
2:32
But today we are really going to be talking about, you know, sensitivity
2:36
and why sensitivity is a strength.
2:40
And so I'm really excited to hear from you.
2:43
We work with a lot of clients.
2:45
At my practice at Anchor Counseling Co, who do you have that highly
2:49
sensitive personality trait?
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And so I really, I'm just so excited to learn from you.
2:55
April: Absolutely.
2:56
Yeah, I think a lot of people don't quite understand the complexities of the trait.
3:00
There's a lot of emphasis on the emotionality, you know, feeling so
3:05
deeply and maybe that being a burden.
3:06
But actually, when we start to learn more about the trait and all of its
3:10
different characteristics, you can actually find that there's a lot
3:12
of gifts in being more sensitive.
3:15
Laura: Yeah.
3:16
So circling back to that personality trait, I would love for you to share
3:20
with our listeners a little bit about all the different criteria that
3:24
make up a highly sensitive person.
3:27
April: Yes.
3:27
Because there's a lot of misinformation out there.
3:29
And so when you're highly sensitive, you're born with the trait, it's called
3:32
sensory processing sensitivity in the research, that's just the technical term.
3:36
And it means that your brain is wired a little bit differently.
3:39
So your brain is wired to process information and experiences deeply,
3:42
that means you're going to need more time to reflect, to process information.
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Think and sit with what you're going through.
3:49
You might notice you need more time to transition in and out
3:51
of things throughout the day.
3:53
Move a little bit more slowly.
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Also, you're more, more emotional.
3:57
Now that just doesn't include the difficult emotions.
4:00
It also includes the positive.
4:01
So you might notice when you're excited, when you're feeling
4:03
joy, when you're passionate, you're feeling it so deeply and
4:07
enthusiastically, which is such a gift.
4:09
And I think it's something that's really special about the trait.
4:12
And also you're more naturally empathetic.
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So you might notice that you really feel for others.
4:16
HSPs tend to be emotional leaders and caretakers and creative caring people.
4:22
And then, when you're more perceptive and emotional, it means you also
4:25
get more overstimulated, right?
4:26
Noticing all those little details and taking so much in.
4:29
So it really is finding that balance of, Kind of working with your unique needs
4:34
and characteristics of sensitivity.
4:36
So you can uncover the best parts of it, which I think those parts often
4:41
get missed or misunderstood or kind of brushed under the rug, but that's a big
4:45
part of the trade is being perceptive, intuitive, empathetic, creative.
4:50
There's just a lot of wonderful parts about being sensitive.
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But really it boils down to your, you're just, your brain is
4:54
wired a little bit differently.
4:55
So it's an innate trait you're born with.
4:57
30 percent of people are born with.
5:00
Laura: Wow.
5:00
30%.
5:01
April: 30 percent Yeah, there's new figures out recently used to be 15 to 20.
5:05
But now we're seeing that it follows kind of the natural curve of any
5:08
temperament or personality traits.
5:09
So about a third of people are born highly sensitive.
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So you'll, it's not trauma based it, although trauma obviously
5:15
increases sensitivity in general.
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But when we're talking about the trait itself, it's something you're born with.
5:20
Cause there's advantages to being more perceptive and noticing and caring deeply.
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We need those people in our lives.
5:28
Laura: Yeah.
5:28
absolutely.
5:29
I'm curious, like in your experience as a clinician, and I'm sure that
5:34
you teach other clinicians, you know how to work with this trait, but
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what is your experience in terms of clients specifically, or even the
5:42
general public misunderstanding the HSP trait and sensitivity as a whole?
5:48
April: Well, sure, because when we think, okay, if we just take the
5:50
word sensitive in general, there's a lot of misperceptions about that.
5:54
We just think, oh, that's someone who can't handle their emotions, right?
5:57
Who's kind of feeling so deeply and their emotions are controlling them and they're
6:01
not able to calm or soothe themselves.
6:04
They're very reactive, which is another term used in the research reactivity.
6:08
But we don't realize that the main part of sensitivity is that
6:11
depth of processing that really.
6:13
Thinking, feeling, reflecting deeply, noticing all the little details.
6:18
That's the main part of the trait.
6:20
Lots of different people can be emotionally sensitive.
6:23
Folks who have experienced trauma or folks on the spectrum, folks who have ADHD,
6:27
any type of neurodivergent folks, or just being a human, we have sensitivity, right?
6:32
So we lump sensitivity in with High sensitivity.
6:36
So it's different being hypersensitive is different for being highly sensitive.
6:40
So I think there's some problems with the terminology, unfortunately,
6:43
because it feels, seems very generalized and we don't really quite
6:47
understand the complexity of it.
6:48
So yeah, lots of misperceptions and confusion.
6:51
Laura: Yeah.
6:51
And I think a lot of times what we see in my practice, a couple
6:56
of different presentations, right?
6:59
Number one, people have experienced judgment or trauma
7:03
or shame from both others.
7:07
And then they've maybe internalized that towards themselves, right?
7:11
Like the common phrase, and I'm sure I can only imagine how many
7:15
times you've heard this, but it's like, Oh, you're so sensitive.
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And that is seen as a bad thing.
7:22
As something that we need to change or fix,
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um, and that's a problem.
7:28
April: It's a huge problem.
7:29
Laura: Hmm.
7:30
April: Every highly sensitive person I think in the world
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has heard you're too sensitive.
7:34
You're too much of this.
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You're not enough of that.
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And we do, we internalize those messages that we get from our parents,
7:40
from our teachers, from our peers.
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And we forget that, Oh, actually this sensitivity is helping me and you.
7:49
You really enjoy when I'm noticing when you're going through a hard time
7:52
and I anticipate what you need before you say it or I notice a problem
7:56
before it happens and I have that strong intuition and I put details
7:59
together and have really great ideas.
8:02
We forget that that also is a part of sensitivity and we throw that out.
8:07
And instead we, we kind of demonize or criticize emotion in general.
8:11
And when you're more sensitive, you feel your emotions more deeply.
8:14
And I've even had people in past.
8:17
Times in my life criticize me for being too excited about things.
8:21
Laura: Like what?
8:21
Like I can't win.
8:22
April: Exactly.
8:23
Can't win.
8:25
like.
8:25
So a lot of times any emotion makes people uncomfortable, right?
8:29
Yeah, so it's there can be a lot of work I've worked with a lot of clients
8:33
where they reject that label sensitivity because there's so much judgment around
8:38
it And we have to work on looking at the whole picture accepting ourselves
8:43
fully and reframing sensitivity from a burden to a gift or to a strength at
8:48
least Or at the very least something neutral, because that's what it is.
8:52
It's a neutral trait that some of the population up to 30 percent
8:57
are born with because it has value in our survival if we're getting
9:00
really kind of scientifically basic.
9:03
That's what it's here for.
9:04
It helps us survive.
9:06
Laura: Absolutely.
9:07
Yeah.
9:07
And there's so much, I think, pain and suffering that is associated
9:11
for our clients with that word.
9:13
And so that makes sense that people have come to you and don't want to use that
9:16
word.
9:17
Absolutely.
9:17
And we see that.
9:18
Yeah.
9:18
And we certainly respect and honor where they are at in their story,
9:21
as I know that you do so well.
9:24
And there is a piece of like, okay, can we reclaim this?
9:27
Can
9:28
we maybe have a deeper understanding around the strengths of being highly
9:35
sensitive and naming that as a strength, I think for the client and
9:39
doing some of that, maybe even trauma work or reparative work around how
9:43
that term has been used against them.
9:45
Yeah,
9:46
April: Absolutely.
9:47
Because when you're sensitive.
9:49
Okay, we can pull apart sensitivity and trauma.
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They're different.
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However, they often overlap and when you're more sensitive you're more
9:56
impacted by any type of trauma or even Misattunements going through stress.
10:02
We're feeling all of those things at a more intense level so definitely trauma
10:07
work is often part of the healing process for HSPs and getting to the core of
10:12
what is me before the trauma happened or before the judgments happened.
10:18
Who am I at my baseline of sensitivity?
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And it's really important to tease that part.
10:23
It's difficult work, but it's really necessary because sensitivity
10:26
isn't going away, which is often really hard for people to hear.
10:30
They want to change it.
10:33
They want to be less sensitive.
10:35
And I think it's not about being less sensitive.
10:38
It's more about.
10:39
Being kind of more in tune with the complexity of your sensitivity
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and realizing, oh, it's, I can learn how to manage my emotions.
10:46
I can learn to soothe my nervous system.
10:49
I can learn to appreciate my sensitivity and it really changes
10:52
your internal experience and your relationship with your sensitivity.
10:55
Laura: Yeah.
10:56
And we talk a lot about hope on this podcast, and I think that that's really
10:59
hopeful that we have the ability to work with that trait instead of the suffering
11:06
that oftentimes shows up in our offices where there is that internal conflict
11:11
of, I don't like this part of me or I'm sure you've had clients tell you
11:14
like, Hey April, help me make this go
11:16
April: Exactly.
11:16
All the time.
11:18
Laura: Yeah, exactly.
11:19
And so it's like, okay, how can we learn to work with this instead of against it?
11:24
Yeah.
11:24
And just to speak super personally as well, I identify as an HSP.
11:29
I took the official test, I want to say maybe five or six years ago now.
11:34
I knew, you know, once I'd done my own therapy, I'd used the term sensitive
11:38
and I, I didn't, I wasn't using that as a judgment towards myself.
11:41
Right.
11:41
I just knew that about myself, but then I actually found out about the HSP
11:46
personality trait and temperament and all the things that make an HSP and HSP.
11:50
And I was like, Oh my gosh, this is me.
11:52
And I read a book on it and then I had my husband read the
11:54
on it.
11:55
This is, this is you.
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And It felt so validating to me to have an entire framework for
12:02
better understanding myself.
12:03
And it's also enriched my work as a clinician to be able to identify
12:07
it in clients and support them towards healing some of the pain
12:13
that they felt towards themselves
12:14
April: hmm.
12:15
Laura: being an HSP.
12:16
April: Yeah, having that framework, it does give hope because when you
12:19
realize, oh, this is a temperament trait This is part of my personality This
12:23
is something innate in me that I can't change but also I don't have to change
12:29
It's more about working with than working against yourself And it can I think
12:34
that we see that with a lot of different things whether you get a diagnosis Or
12:38
you understand a part of your oh, I'm introverted or I'm extroverted or I'm high
12:41
sensation seeking just having that That those guardrails can be really helpful
12:47
in learning about yourself, like, oh.
12:49
This is different than I thought it was.
12:51
It's not this burden I have to carry around.
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It's something I can work with and maybe even lean into and use to my advantage.
12:59
Because something I do want to name is, we often feel like things are more difficult
13:03
for us as sensitive people, which is true.
13:05
I don't want to invalidate that.
13:06
That is absolutely true.
13:07
We're more impacted.
13:09
However, because of something called differential susceptibility, which
13:12
has been shown in the research, We are actually more positively
13:15
impacted as well, more than non HSPs, which I almost don't like to say
13:19
too loud because it feels like this
13:20
is a But if you go to therapy, if you have a good, support system in your
13:25
life, if you take care of yourself, meditate, exercise, go into nature,
13:28
have a pet that you love, kids that you love, these are all positive
13:32
supports that are actually going to impact you more than other people,
13:37
Laura: Absolutely.
13:38
Yeah.
13:38
It's my husband's not an HST and, you know, just to tag along with
13:42
this story, you know, I know that we just met and just, so just sharing
13:45
a little bit more about my story.
13:46
I think he would resonate with this conversation too, because he has gotten
13:50
more in touch with me, you know, he's married to a therapist and so he's
13:53
done more of his own work over the years, but he tends to feel things.
13:57
If you're watching this on YouTube, I'm using my hands, but it's kind
14:00
of like a small up and a small down
14:02
and he doesn't.
14:04
feel as deeply as I do, whether that is joy or sadness or hurt or pain.
14:10
And so it has been really interesting just even seeing that in our marriage, one is
14:16
not good or bad, but I think as a society, we tend to like, try to get through
14:21
our emotional state quickly or dismiss.
14:24
And so like HSPs oftentimes I think can feel lost in society
14:30
or like their experience is like the lesser than experience.
14:34
April: Absolutely.
14:35
we do have a much wider window of
14:37
emotional experience.
14:38
Laura: Yeah.
14:39
April: And it's true, I mean, yes, it's harder to go down, but
14:41
when you go up, little things are just so, almost euphoric at times.
14:46
Laura: Absolutely.
14:47
Like when I'm cuddling my dog, Louie, I have a little Cavalier King Charles
14:50
spaniel and he's just the sweetest little muffin and he brings me so much joy.
14:55
And same with my daughter.
14:57
And
14:57
it's not that my husband doesn't love both of them, but it is, I
15:00
think it's a little bit of different experience and celebrating that
15:05
in myself has been so freeing.
15:09
April: and letting yourself feel that.
15:11
I think a lot of times there's pressure in both directions to contain your
15:14
emotions, keep them small, go through them quickly, show up like everyone else.
15:20
However, we're feeling deeply and also because our brains are wired
15:23
to process information at length.
15:25
We need more time with those emotions.
15:27
we're wired to make meaning of whatever we're going through.
15:30
And so we can't just wrap it up quickly.
15:32
We need space to linger in those feelings and just letting ourselves
15:36
have that space is so important.
15:38
So we're not kind of carrying them with us as we know those emotions then start to
15:42
come out in other ways, either somatically or through illness or in other, you
15:47
know, more intense emotions like anger.
15:50
just giving yourself time to be with your emotions is so important,
15:54
Laura: Yeah.
15:54
that's
15:54
April: need it.
15:55
Laura: absolutely.
15:56
And I think just to even speak to that, you know, in my practice, we work a
16:00
lot with anxiety, panic, OCD disorders.
16:03
And so I do think there is this piece if we grow up in a home that
16:07
maybe didn't teach us how to name an emotion, much less like process
16:12
through that emotion in a healthy way.
16:15
Then when we go through our formative years and even adulthood,
16:19
we can start to develop these.
16:21
ways of coping that maybe are not super healthy or don't actually serve us, right?
16:26
And then underneath that we find like, Oh, maybe you are an HSP and
16:29
we need to work on tolerating your emotional experiences that you have.
16:33
April: I see so many HSP clients, whether currently or in the past
16:36
have struggled with eating disorders, OCD, panic attacks, just kind of,
16:41
those manifestations of unprocessed emotions or feeling dysregulated
16:45
and they need somewhere to go.
16:47
and any way we can get control, we will reach for.
16:51
But yeah, a lot of times those folks are HSPs.
16:55
Laura: It's really interesting.
16:56
Yeah.
16:56
And I have, I don't know what the connection is there or if there's even
17:00
research on it, but you know, once, I have the report with the client and
17:05
they may not see me because of their sensitivity, but if I do think that
17:09
they might be an HSP, I will have them take an assessment and then we'll
17:13
certainly like dialogue about it in our next session, but it is really
17:16
interesting because I agree with you.
17:18
a lot of those folks are HSP and maybe don't know that that is a thing.
17:22
April: Right.
17:23
And that's often the missing puzzle piece.
17:25
I've had so many clans come to me after years of doing CBT therapy,
17:30
which can be helpful or just focusing on the symptoms, When, we don't
17:34
have that foundational piece, we're not changing lifestyle mindset.
17:39
Doing nervous system regulation at a deep level, and then that can be the piece that
17:44
starts to move it when you bring that in.
17:45
Sometimes clients get to a point and they get stuck when they're
17:48
doing other types of treatment that don't consider their sensitivity.
17:52
Laura: Yeah, no, I fully agree with you.
17:53
And as you know, no two humans are the same, right?
17:57
And so it's like, we need to honor whatever is in front of us.
18:01
And maybe some CBT works and then some
18:04
April: Exactly.
18:05
Right.
18:06
Laura: Yeah,
18:07
April: Exactly.
18:07
It's exciting to hear that you're bringing that conversation in for clients where it
18:11
Laura: absolutely.
18:12
Yeah.
18:13
So you've mentioned a couple strategies, right?
18:15
our listeners love the how to.
18:16
I'm a how to person as well, which is one of the reasons I love your post because
18:21
I'm like, Oh, April's telling me like how
18:23
to regulate and how to, work with this sensitivity.
18:27
So you've mentioned a few that you do with clients and that you recommend, but
18:31
this like space feels really important.
18:35
April: Yes.
18:37
Laura: Can
18:37
April: will hear.
18:38
Yeah, go on.
18:39
Laura: Can you elaborate a little bit on that?
18:41
April: Yeah, because we're wired to process deeply, so one, we need
18:45
reflection time, but also because we're picking up so much information
18:49
on our environments, nonverbal cues, body language, sensory information,
18:54
all that's coming in at a much more nuanced level, whether you're consciously
18:57
aware of it or not, you're picking up a lot of data, throughout your day.
19:01
And then your brain needs to make sense of all that.
19:03
So if you're highly sensitive and you, let's say you've gone all day without a
19:06
break, you lay your head on the pillow.
19:08
your mind just starts spinning because it's the first time all day you've
19:12
actually had a moment of quiet.
19:14
However, if we build in little pockets throughout the day of what we call
19:18
downtime or just quiet time, it could even be you're doing something tactile,
19:22
you're cooking, you're walking, you're playing with the kids just
19:25
something where you're not like in a screen taking in lots of information.
19:30
Just having those pockets of time allows your mind to do its work
19:32
of processing and also allows you to make sense of your emotions.
19:36
so we're constantly, stimulating ourselves, whether through screens,
19:41
through conversation, through work, we just don't get a chance to process, to
19:46
reflect for our nervous systems to settle.
19:48
So we're oftentimes constantly, chronically overstimulated and exhausted.
19:55
a lot of times, if we try to slow down, we're too dysregulated.
19:57
Our mind is too busy.
19:59
Anxiety is spiking.
20:00
It may feel unsafe to get quiet.
20:03
So then we might have to go a level deeper and take care of our nervous
20:06
systems through polyvagal exercises, through bilateral movements, mindful
20:10
breathing, movement, just going on a walk can be really helpful.
20:14
Doing something tactile, cooking, crafting, anything that
20:19
works for you that you love.
20:20
So those are kind of the two pieces getting quiet, but then
20:23
what do you need to get quiet?
20:24
Laura: Mhm.
20:25
Mhm.
20:26
Mhm.
20:26
April: feel safe in the quiet.
20:28
Laura: Right.
20:28
And I think a lot of people maybe that are in the beginning stages of therapy.
20:34
If you're listening to the show today, I think I love that you brought up this
20:37
point because I think safety with our own minds and bodies can feel so scary
20:43
at first if we're not used to doing it.
20:45
Understandably so.
20:47
And even exploring that with someone, right?
20:50
Like what, what feels unsafe about this and maybe working
20:54
through that in a therapeutic
20:55
session first, right.
20:57
Before you automatically rip the bandaid off and try this on your own.
21:01
One of the things that I found just speaking to, to this space piece
21:05
that's been really helpful for me is if we go out of town, right, I used
21:09
to go out of town and then I would get back, you know, late in the evening
21:13
on Sunday and go to work at like.
21:15
7 30 or 8 a.
21:17
m.
21:17
The next day.
21:19
And one thing that I have been really intentional about is just creating
21:23
more boundaries around my time.
21:26
And this is just one example.
21:28
But if my husband and I go out of town, we typically are coming back like two
21:32
days before we have to go back to work.
21:35
And I've had times when people in my life have like kind of pestered me
21:40
about that or, and they love me, right?
21:42
Like they want me to stay on the thing longer or whatever it might be.
21:46
And I've had to say like, Hey, I really need this day to go to a
21:50
yoga class or to go to the grocery store and to like take a nap.
21:55
I tend to need more sleep.
21:57
And so those things that really allow me to show up.
22:01
Not only for my clients and my staff, but also for myself, because if I'm
22:06
getting burnt out or not taking care of myself, but showing up well for other
22:09
people, it's really unfair to my own self.
22:12
April: It really is, isn't it?
22:13
And having those I like to call it HSP time where we have these, this buffer,
22:19
Laura: The buffer.
22:19
April: cleaning.
22:20
Laura: I love it.
22:20
April: You, we have to have a buffer day between vacation and back to work, because
22:24
think about all the things that you need to do after you come back from vacation,
22:27
unpack, do the laundry, get the house back in order, just kind of emotionally settle
22:32
back in and prepare yourself for work.
22:35
And same when you're going into a vacation, you know, even when you arrive
22:39
somewhere, maybe you give yourself a half a day or a day just to arrive, to
22:42
settle in, to get used to the environment.
22:44
Cause in HSP brain is wired with a pause.
22:47
So it's called the behavioral inhibition system.
22:49
And our brains are literally saying, stop, check things out.
22:54
And cause if we think about it, it's a safety feature.
22:57
We have two survival strategies for us.
22:59
It's the pause and check for danger.
23:00
What am I noticing?
23:01
And then the non HSPs are just.
23:03
Jumping right in.
23:04
We need that too.
23:05
Right?
23:06
We need both.
23:07
But that's continues in our present day lives that pause to check.
23:12
And so you might notice you need time before you get out of bed.
23:15
You can't just jump out of bed.
23:17
It's just the alarm goes off.
23:18
Take a moment.
23:20
allow yourself to wake up, allow yourself to gently settle into your day, think
23:24
about what's ahead, process and prepare before you move from the car to the house,
23:29
or from the car to work, or when you're finishing up and going from work to home.
23:34
There's all these transitions that happen every single day.
23:37
In and out of the shower from moving from dinner to bedtime.
23:41
So really allowing that space, even in those micro moments, just taking a moment.
23:46
Now, if I'm going from an email to a meeting, I just take a breath.
23:50
Can I look out the window?
23:52
I
23:52
just need to take a moment to contact, make some contact with myself.
23:55
How am I doing?
23:56
Let me take a moment to think about what's about to happen.
23:59
Cause that's what our nervous systems are wired to do.
24:02
Reflect before we act.
24:04
So can we build in that space in little ways, but also big ways?
24:06
Like.
24:07
coming from a vacation back to home.
24:09
Laura: Yeah.
24:10
April: that that could show up.
24:12
Laura: Yeah.
24:12
I love this terminology.
24:13
So, micro moments, is that what you
24:15
April: Yeah, just like micro moments of space, right?
24:18
So you can just take a moment to pause
24:20
Laura: it's absolutely, and that's so
24:23
April: Yeah, right.
24:24
Five seconds.
24:25
Can you take five seconds?
24:26
And I know if you're a parent, if you're a caretaker, if you're, you
24:30
know, working two jobs, whatever's happening in your life, that could
24:33
be make that seem impossible.
24:35
Can you just take a moment?
24:37
Take a breath, right?
24:40
Take a gaze outward.
24:41
That's something I've been working on in my own somatic work.
24:44
Can I
24:44
just look outward
24:45
for a moment?
24:45
Laura: yeah.
24:46
April: Instead of just barreling through.
24:48
Yeah, right.
24:50
Or if I notice myself rushing, can I just slow myself down just a little bit?
24:55
That's something that could be an accessible way to
24:57
regulate your nervous system.
25:00
Rushing.
25:00
Can I just move even just a micro moment slower?
25:05
Yeah,
25:07
Laura: Well, because I agree with you, there's so many things about
25:10
HSPs that are a gift to this world.
25:14
And a lot of times the culture we live in or society in general,
25:18
and maybe not everyone, right?
25:19
Like I hesitate to have generalizations because you and
25:22
I are fighting the good fight.
25:23
like packed schedule and.
25:27
I do think from a like systemic level, our culture almost tends to be, maybe, I don't
25:33
know if this is a great way of saying it, but a little bit easier for non HSPs.
25:36
April: A thousand percent.
25:39
Right.
25:40
What's celebrated is the hustle is productivity.
25:44
And I don't want to, I just want to be clear that I'm not saying
25:47
be a hermit, don't have a social life, don't have career ambitions
25:51
because I'm a quite ambitious person.
25:53
And I like to do a lot.
25:55
I'm very passionate and a lot of HSPs are, and we care a lot.
25:58
We want to show up and we have to do it in our own way.
26:01
I think of it as quality over quantity.
26:03
I'm showing up fully to what I'm doing, but then I have a counterbalance.
26:07
I'm also resting in a deep way as well.
26:10
So yes, show up, but also consider you might need to go
26:14
at a slightly different pace.
26:15
You might need more breaks throughout the day.
26:17
You might need to go on more vacations or really protect your weekends.
26:21
So
26:21
just, you can do quite a lot, but just have that counterbalance.
26:26
And also, let's be realistic, don't expect yourself to do exactly
26:28
what everyone else is doing.
26:30
That's okay, because when you do show up, you're showing up passionately
26:33
and creatively and in such a full way, so you're going to do more
26:37
with less, if that makes sense.
26:39
Laura: Yeah.
26:40
Yeah.
26:40
And I love that you talked about the gray here, right?
26:43
Because I think as humans, we can tend to maybe even listen to this
26:47
podcast today and be like, okay, I'm going to take breaks from everything.
26:50
And that is certainly not what you're saying.
26:51
It's not what I'm saying.
26:52
It's really finding this middle ground because I agree with you.
26:55
I am very driven.
26:56
I love having dreams and big dreams.
26:59
And that's, I think one of the things that helped even get this show up and
27:03
running.
27:04
April: with my own podcast.
27:05
Laura: Right.
27:05
And there's nothing inherently wrong with that.
27:07
But, I've also had to learn to delegate more,
27:12
April: Yes.
27:12
People are always saying, how do you do so much?
27:14
Like I have help
27:15
Laura: I'm like, I have a lot of help.
27:17
Yes.
27:18
I am not the primary cook in the home.
27:20
So my husband cooks most of our meals and grocery shops for us.
27:24
It's something that, he and my daughter do on the weekends.
27:26
as I've, gotten healthier over the years, I don't say yes.
27:30
to as much socially or professionally.
27:33
I asked for more help in my practice at anchored.
27:37
And so all of those little things that I'm still working towards
27:40
my goals and dreams, but just doing it a little bit differently.
27:43
That's more sustainable.
27:44
April: Right.
27:44
Asking for help when you need it.
27:46
I always say, pause before you say yes to anything.
27:49
Take a moment.
27:51
Because that's our initial reaction is, yes, I want to show up, I want
27:53
to take care of you, I want to make you happy, whoever you're interacting
27:57
with, because we are so empathetic.
27:58
But just take a pause, be more selective, show up, but maybe you
28:02
show up once a month to the family gathering instead of every week.
28:06
Or maybe you go out with your friends.
28:08
When they're doing a quiet kind of depthful dinner
28:11
versus going out to a party.
28:13
So barely being selective around how you show up and making sure that
28:16
it's in a way that is supportive for you and that values Connection and
28:21
is aligned with your values, right?
28:23
You don't have to say yes to everything You can be selective and still feel like
28:26
you're showing up in your life and making connections and pursuing your goals Yeah.
28:31
it's about that.
28:32
I love that that gray area right
28:34
Laura: That gray area, it's important.
28:36
April: exactly
28:37
Laura: think historically, I'm the first to say, and I think my clients, a lot
28:40
of my clients would agree with this, but we can tend to be yes people as
28:45
April: Yeah
28:46
Laura: HSPs because we want to experience that joy and the breadth of that joy.
28:49
And we learn from maybe the things that don't work as well for us.
28:53
And so I think that has really been helpful for me to both personally
28:57
and professionally as like permission to kind of continually reevaluate.
29:03
What is my capacity in this season of life?
29:06
Where are my responsibilities?
29:08
I cannot take on as much.
29:09
I have a little almost two year old girl
29:11
and
29:11
she yells and I tend to get overstimulated.
29:14
she brings me so much joy.
29:16
And I want to versus like, committing myself personally or professionally.
29:22
April: Exactly.
29:23
It's so important to look at what is happening in this season in my life and
29:26
what is important to make space for?
29:28
Of course, I'm sure it's more important to make space for your daughter than
29:31
to say yes to every request you get.
29:33
Laura: Yeah.
29:34
Yeah.
29:34
That values aligned work.
29:36
Yeah.
29:38
this has just been such a delightful conversation and I
29:41
know that you're a wealth of
29:42
knowledge on this topic.
29:44
Yeah,
29:45
April: about it.
29:46
Laura: more.
29:47
I love that you are doing this work.
29:49
And I just, that work.
29:51
I think it's so precious.
29:53
April: Thank you so much.
29:54
And thank you for inviting me on so we can talk about this.
29:57
It felt very celebratory and also with some practicality in there
30:02
Laura: sure.
30:02
Absolutely.
30:03
Yeah.
30:03
I'm excited for some folks to listen to it.
30:05
I think it'll be really validating for their experiences.
30:08
And also hopefully they can start to kind of just get curious about,
30:13
okay, what are things that I need if I do identify as an HSP?
30:17
April: Exactly.
30:18
Laura: and how can I like support myself better in those
30:21
moments that might be hard.
30:23
So, Yeah.
30:24
Well, I would love to hear a little bit more in how people can find you
30:30
April: Absolutely.
30:30
Laura: anything that you would like to advertise about yourself
30:33
or any of your offerings right now.
30:34
April: Of course.
30:35
So you can go to sense of strengths.
30:37
com.
30:38
There's a plethora of resources there.
30:40
I have my own podcast sense of stories.
30:42
You can find that there.
30:43
I have a monthly workshop series.
30:44
If folks want to dive into different HSP topics, we've talked about everything
30:48
from grief to boundaries to self care, and you can find some community there.
30:54
I have free workshops on sleep, self care, I have a workbook, and there's just a
30:59
variety of things there that you can tap into if you're, if you're just discovering
31:03
your sensitivity or you want to deepen into taking better care of yourself and
31:07
living more in alignment with your trait.
31:09
Laura: That's awesome.
31:10
I'm excited to look at that site.
31:12
Those workbooks and all the other
31:14
April: Yes.
31:15
Laura: So y'all know that we always close with some homework and an affirmation.
31:20
So April, would you like to share with our listeners one or both of those things?
31:25
April: I would love to.
31:26
So, just building off of our conversation today, I would invite folks to find little
31:31
pauses throughout the day to process, to reflect, really to come home to yourself.
31:37
I think it's really important, even if it's just a few moments,
31:39
a few seconds, even, you know, pausing to take a breath as you.
31:44
Arrive at home as you're sitting in the car or right before you get out of
31:48
bed in the morning Just take a moment to check in what's ahead or even in
31:52
the shower, just starting to build in those pauses as you're feeling
31:55
comfortable can make a big difference For a sensitive nervous system and then
32:00
I have two affirmations depending on what
32:04
feels right for folks.
32:06
Depending on kind of where you're at on your journey from discovery
32:09
to acceptance of your traits.
32:11
So one is just to remind yourself that my sensitive needs are valid.
32:15
So even as others are having a different experience, just reminding
32:19
yourself, my needs are valid.
32:21
My sensitive experience is valid.
32:23
I think we forget that it's easy to push it aside, thinking
32:26
that we should be different.
32:27
So just reminding yourself.
32:28
there's something different about what I'm experiencing, and it's completely okay.
32:32
So just reminding yourself, I think saying that to yourself, getting that self
32:34
validation, and then hopefully eventually getting it from others, but at least
32:37
starting with yourself is important.
32:39
And then the other, if you're ready for it, is that my sensitivity is a gift.
32:44
My sensitivity is a gift that benefits me and others.
32:47
Everyone benefits from having sensitive folks in their lives.
32:50
So it's really important to honor
32:51
Laura: absolutely.
32:52
April: need non sensitive, non HSPs, I should say.
32:54
Laura: Yeah.
32:55
April: we bring something to the table.
32:57
Laura: Yeah.
32:57
I love both of those.
32:58
And yeah, depending on where our listeners are.
33:02
Yeah.
33:03
So, so rich.
33:04
Well, thank you for your time.
33:05
And yeah, it's just been a delight to talk to you today and
33:09
get to know you more.
33:10
So thank you
33:11
April.
33:11
And thank you to our listeners too, for listening to the anchored podcast.
33:16
April: Yes.
33:16
Thank you so much.
33:17
Laura: Okay.
33:18
We'll see y'all next time.
33:18
Take care.
33:20
Bye.