Latest / Breaking Absurdity — Today's Top Headlines That Can't Be Unheard. Brought to you by @ItsNotSatire. / New MAGA-Face Victims Spook America & Trump's Rallys Go Downhill
Transcript
- 0:00We met Susan Dell last week, but now the internet
- 0:02has a new question. Who the hell are these other
- 0:04women in Trump world? And why do they all look
- 0:07like they've been cast in the same fever dream?
- 0:09Meanwhile, Trump's Secret Service detail is apparently
- 0:11playing a very expensive game of where's the
- 0:13president? In today's breaking absurdity, one
- 0:18Trump appointee has the internet asking whether
- 0:20her neck is getting longer. Another has people
- 0:23wondering whether her plastic surgeon got a little
- 0:25carried away. And one Democrat has the perfect
- 0:28response when someone tries to put him on the
- 0:30spot. Welcome to the MAGA Freak Show. Last week,
- 0:36we unpacked the internet's fascination with Susan
- 0:38Dell's appearance during her visit to the Oval
- 0:41Office. But since then, two more women connected
- 0:43to the Trump administration have caught the internet's
- 0:46attention for remarkably similar reasons. And
- 0:49if you thought Susan Dell was a one -off, buckle
- 0:51up. Because we're going to meet them both, and
- 0:54then we're going to bring them together in a
- 0:56way only the internet could. First up, Kelly
- 0:59Loeffler. former Senator, billionaire businesswoman,
- 1:03and now the head of the Small Business Administration
- 1:05under Donald Trump. That's right, the person
- 1:07responsible for helping America's small businesses
- 1:10is also becoming a rather large presence on social
- 1:12media. Loeffler has been posting TikToks and
- 1:16making the rounds online, but viewers have noticed
- 1:18something else. Something else seems to be getting
- 1:21bigger about her. Administrator, we have some
- 1:25questions for you here at TikTok. What's going
- 1:27on, Mac? First of all, are you in the cabinet?
- 1:39That's right, she's actually in the cabinet.
- 1:43But what people started noticing getting bigger
- 1:45was her neck. Users started comparing old photos
- 1:49of her through the last couple of decades to
- 1:52now and it looks like that her neck may have
- 1:55actually gotten longer. Now, look, we're not
- 1:58here to diagnose anyone, and we're certainly
- 2:00not claiming to know what procedures someone
- 2:02has or hasn't had, but the internet has clearly
- 2:05decided that Kelly Loeffler's neck deserves its
- 2:07own press secretary. And judging by the online
- 2:10commentary, it's already getting more attention
- 2:12than some of the administration's actual policies.
- 2:15But Kelly isn't the only Trump -world figure
- 2:17whose appearance has become an internet obsession.
- 2:20Because there's a new face on the scene and people
- 2:23have questions. Meet Barbara Thornhill, Trump's
- 2:26new ambassador at large. Here she is speaking
- 2:28at her confirmation hearing. Wait, we need to
- 2:40look at that up close because I can't tell what's
- 2:43going on with her eye. Is it just me or is her
- 2:46right eyelid trying to tell us something? in
- 2:49Morris Code? I'm not sure if that's a Senate
- 3:00confirmation hearing or an SOS call. So between
- 3:05the mysterious eyelid movements and the plastic
- 3:08surgery rumors, this Trump appointee is getting
- 3:10just as much attention as Kelly Loeffler. And
- 3:13once you add Susan Dell into the mix, you've
- 3:15got a real trio of investigative mysteries about
- 3:18MAGA face and MAGA plastic surgery transformations.
- 3:23So it only makes sense that somebody put them
- 3:25together in a viral video. I have to mute the
- 3:32audio for copyright reasons, but I think you
- 3:34get the drift. It's got Barbara Thornhill, Susan
- 3:36Dell, and Kelly Loeffler all dancing to a viral
- 3:39hip hop dance. These MAGA figures have been brought
- 3:42together in a way that only the internet could
- 3:44come up with and only AI could make possible.
- 3:51Then the trio appeared in this dance. Whatever
- 3:54this is, they're doing it with confidence. I
- 3:59just wish we could get government to synchronize
- 4:01about as well as their choreography. Now let's
- 4:04check in on the midterms. Trump has been touring
- 4:06the country over the past few weeks, desperately
- 4:08trying to drum up support for Republicans ahead
- 4:10of the November elections, and his rallies have
- 4:13started to take a nose dive. Literally. While
- 4:16Trump was speaking, one gentleman in the audience
- 4:19decided to conduct a little excavation of his
- 4:21own, and having apparently struck oil, he immediately
- 4:24proceeded to sample the merchandise. Well, you
- 4:28get the picture. And if you thought that was
- 4:30the most embarrassing thing to happen at a Trump
- 4:32rally this week, I've got some bad news. Because
- 4:35when it came time for the President to leave
- 4:37his latest rally in Georgia, things took a rather
- 4:39unexpected turn. Here we have the President of
- 4:42the United States finishing his speech and heading
- 4:45towards his waiting armored limousine, otherwise
- 4:47known as the Beast. The Secret Service are in
- 4:50position, the car is waiting, the door is wide
- 4:52open, everything is going according to plan.
- 4:55Except the President appears to have other plans.
- 4:58Trump walks straight past the car, past the open
- 5:01door, and out into what appears to be a completely
- 5:04empty field. Suddenly, the Secret Service are
- 5:07scrambling to catch up, gently shepherding the
- 5:09president back towards the vehicle, like a man
- 5:11who's wandered away from his tour group. The
- 5:14door was open, Donald. The car was right there.
- 5:17You could hardly have made it easier. And for
- 5:20a few awkward seconds, the most powerful man
- 5:21in the world appears to be the only person who
- 5:23doesn't know where he's supposed to be going.
- 5:26America is facing a cost of living crisis, Republicans
- 5:29are fighting to hold onto Congress, and the midterms
- 5:31are just around the corner. But apparently the
- 5:33biggest logistical challenges of the evening
- 5:35was getting the president into his car. Elsewhere
- 5:38in the midterms, one Democrat is actually showing
- 5:40signs of intelligent life. Will you disavow the
- 5:52Muslim Brotherhood? Sure, yeah, absolutely, but
- 5:54I want to ask the question that you're asking.
- 5:56So Abdul El -Sayed gets asked, will you disavow
- 5:59the Muslim Brotherhood? And his response is absolutely
- 6:02priceless. No, no, but what are you implying?
- 6:05Do you assume that I wouldn't? You assume, Tommy,
- 6:08that because I am Muslim, that somehow I would
- 6:12have some allegiance to something that is not
- 6:14our constitution. You know who John F. Kennedy
- 6:16is? Tommy, when he ran for president, he was
- 6:18asked whether or not… Abdul El -Sayed expertly
- 6:36handles a tough question from the audience. He
- 6:39incisively pointed out the hypocrisy of the question
- 6:42and then skillfully rooted this in history, harkening
- 6:45to a time when JFK was asked very similar questions
- 6:48because of his religion. And clearly, the crowd
- 6:51was on Abdul's side. It sure would be nice if
- 6:54we could see some intelligent life on the Republican
- 6:56side these days. Case in point, the recruiting
- 6:59standards for White House positions seem to be
- 7:01on a steep decline these days. We extensively
- 7:04covered Katie Zacharias, record -breakingly short
- 7:07appointment as press secretary, lasting about
- 7:10only one half of a Scaramucci. Because she lied
- 7:13about her credentials, she could no longer identify
- 7:15as an attorney or a press secretary. The whole
- 7:19episode just lasted from Monday to Friday. The
- 7:22embarrassing chapters just let everyone ask,
- 7:24well, who are they going to appoint next? Has
- 7:27the U .S. stopped sharing intel with Ukraine?
- 7:31Catch me if I can, how about that? At this point,
- 7:35I wouldn't be surprised if they appointed the
- 7:37Hulk as White House press secretary. And speaking
- 7:40of Katie Zachariah, there's another video going
- 7:42around that combines her with all the other MAGA
- 7:45figures we've talked about in this video. I'm
- 7:50gonna face her change. I mean, I'm gonna change
- 7:53her face. Well, her face is already... Katie
- 8:13Zachariah versus Susan Dell! What a setting tonight,
- 8:20and what an entrance from Susan. She's sniffing
- 8:25her foot! Katie wants nothing to do with that!
- 8:27Interesting footwork. Katie's corner is grazing.
- 8:31Are you ready? Are you ready? Yeah. Fight! Katie
- 8:36changes levels. She's got both legs! Susan attacks
- 8:39underneath. Susan has Katie wrapped up in a Komodo
- 8:43Lizard Kamora. Katie's back up. Oh! That's crazy.
- 8:51That is so wild. Look at that. Oh my goodness.
- 8:55Oh my goodness. That is so wild. Unbelievable.
- 9:08That's a first. She's charging in. Illuminati!
- 9:16Chin wide open. Oh! Katie! That is it. Katie
- 9:23gets it done. Thanks for watching, Breaking Absurdity.
- 9:31And remember, don't stare into the abyss alone,
- 9:33let's do it together. Like, subscribe, and leave
- 9:36a comment below. Let me know what you thought
- 9:37about this episode, I wanna hear from you.