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How to Soften the Inner Critic · Gay Men Going Deeper

• 0:00
  Speaker A: Foreign.
• 0:09
  Speaker B: Welcome to Gaming Going Deeper, a podcast by the Gaiman's Brotherhood that showcases raw and real conversations about personal development, mental health and sexuality from an unapologetically gay perspective. I am your host, Matt Lansdell, and joining me today is Scott Stabile.
• 0:24
  Speaker A: I'm so happy to be with you, brother.
• 0:26
  Speaker B: Yeah, so happy to have you here. For those of you who don't know Scott, some of you might know Scott already, but Scott is a passionate love advocate, breathwork guide and author of Big the Undeniable Joy of Following your Heart and his most recent book, Enough as yous Are Correct.
• 0:41
  Speaker A: Correct.
• 0:42
  Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, exactly. He is a soulful storyteller, unafraid to dive deep into the human experience. Through his books, talks and personal empowerment workshops, Scott invites us to choose love even in the darkest of times, and to fully embrace our messy, beautiful selves. He's not just a teacher, he's a fellow traveler navigating the hard, sacred work of being human. Scott and I met at a retreat in Costa Rica and immediately hit it off. I'm surprised it's taken us this long to get you on the podcast, but yeah, we do. We do very similar work. We're living very similar purposes and I'm super excited to have you on the podcast and talk about inner critic. So how to soften the inner critic and moving from self judgment to self compassion. That's what we're going to be breaking down today. What we want you to get out of this episode is just a deeper understanding of your inner critic, essentially your own self judgments, where they might come from and how you can start being more accepting and compassionate and loving towards yourself as well as towards others. And we're going to be unpacking a bunch of great things today. So yeah, I'm curious for you, Scott. You know, why this work. I know we've all got our own kind of origin story around why we do this work, why we're so seekers and you know, why we're helping other people on this path. What's, what's kind of your. Your purpose and passion around this work.
• 2:00
  Speaker A: Yeah, I feel called to, to share about my time in the cult in San Francisco. That's really what got me started in on really understanding the power of love in our lives. And just to be clear to everyone watching or listening first, I want to say thank you, Matt. I love you. I'm just so happy to that we're friends and that we connected in Costa Rica. I really, really appreciate the work that predominantly you and Michael are doing and Reno and whomever else you're bringing in with this, with the podcast and the community and what you all are creating there, I. I find it not just inspiring, but exciting and necessary. And you all are so committed, and you show up to every podcast so prepared. Like, I'm. I'm someone who, like, I just fly by the wing of my pant, whatever that expression is. It's like, yeah. You know what I mean? And I'm. When I talk about the podcast, I'm like, they're so prepared. The way they introduce every episode, it's with this breakdown. And they've really done their work. So thank you for what you're bringing to us all.
• 3:05
  Speaker B: Thank you. Appreciate the recognition. Yeah.
• 3:08
  Speaker A: And I was in my 20s in San Francisco. I was working at a new age store called Planet Weavers Treasure Store at the time. It no longer exists. But many of the employees and managers and everyone, they were all students of this guru. And I'm coming from Michigan. I had just gotten out of college, moved to San Francisco. I had never heard the word enlightenment. That was just so far beyond anything I was aware of. And gurus like that wasn't in my vortex at all. But I was meeting all these people, and they were so lovely, and we were becoming close, and they kept talking about kind of becoming more peaceful and more loving as their mission in life. Like, not career and what they wanted to do in that way, but how they wanted to be more loving individuals. And I thought, this, I can get behind. Like, this I'm vibing with. So it was only a matter of time before I was like, I want to meet your guru. Because they kept talking about this man. And I did eventually meet him. And I became a part of that community, which I do refer to as a cult, because freedom of choice was not paramount, I would say, in that community, which I think is what kind of tips something over into a cult. It's like what the guru says is right. He is the channel of God. If you disagree with him, you're objecting to God's will for you. Like all of this messaging and only what he says is ultimate truth. And yet we were also talking about love. What he was preaching was love, love. Return to love. Always return to love. Unconditional love, unconditional friendship. Let these be the driving forces behind your life, and your life will change. Yeah. So that message really resonated with me, and I have a lot of really beautiful memories in that community. I was a part of it for 13 years. It ended, as culty things often do, in a very ugly way. And what I was shown was I don't believe he ultimately practiced what he preached and I don't believe he was ultimately an enlightened master as I, as I did believe him to be for many years. Yeah, but the, the lessons around love are just that that relentless commitment to return to love really stayed with me and I started to bring more awareness to myself and my life when I was in alignment with, and I should say this too, because love is such a, like this grandiose term and it can feel really woo woo for some to listen to and others are like, well, what is even love? What is he talking about? So I just want to share how I experience love. I experience it as an energy that for me is what love is. And it's an abundant, ever present energy that is alive within us, outside of us. And in the same way that I experience creativity as an energy. Right. It's like when we choose to play with the energy of love, when we choose to act in alignment with that energy and be guided in our choices and our words and our thoughts by that energy. What I've observed in my life is that everything feels better. Which is to say we're human beings, we all want to give and receive love. I see it as our most innate desire. And I also feel, I should say I'm just speaking to you, I'm not a psychologist. I'm speaking to you from my lived experience. I really encourage people. What I say, if it lands, take it in. If it doesn't, discard it. You know, be with whatever I'm saying, however you need to be with it. But when I pay attention to myself and the choices I'm making, when they are aligned with love, I feel more at home in my body, I feel more at peace in my experience. And I believe that love always transcends self. So when you spoke in the beginning, you said we're going to look at ways in which we can love ourselves better and then also love others. It's like that's the only possibility. As I see it, that is the great gift of the energy of love, that it is an all serving energy. So anyone listening? Any energy you're giving to loving yourself in a deeper way, you can trust that is going to be of service to the people in your life. And we know this.
• 7:28
  Speaker B: Yeah, that's beautiful. I just, I want to maybe articulate how I see love as well. It's like a beautiful umbrella. It's a state of being, I think, I don't think it's a feeling, per se, that we feel. It's a state of being. And I think it's the root of things like compassion and acceptance and kindness and generosity and forgiveness. And it's. You know, so it's really hard. I was trying to think before we had a question. I think you had said, how do you define love? And I was thinking about this before coming on, and I'm like, I had a hard time grabbing at what is a definition because I think it's a really hard thing to define. And I came to presence, and you came to energy, which I think are the synonyms for the same. Same expression. And I think I would wholeheartedly agree. It's my question I want to ask you is, do you think that the. You know, I, like, always like to break things down into duality? I think human beings are just creatures of duality. And we have the human self, the spiritual self, or we could say the egoic self, which is the personality structure. And then we have the soul, which is like the heart structure. Right. Do you think that love is experienced differently in either of those two states? And if so, how.
• 8:35
  Speaker A: Yes. And I would say the way I understand things is. Is one. What you just referred to as duality, for me can also just be one consciousness. And we are creating, like, I see different energy centers. I see the egoic energy center, the heart energy center, and the soul energy center. Even those energy centers feel different to me. So when I'm in my soul, I feel like I'm just a total observer. There's no judgment. There's no love. There's no suffering. There's just peace. There's just bearing witness to the experience of Scott, the human living this life in learning. And for those. For those who believe we're returning to the earth and. And reincarnating and living through lifetimes. For me, it's the soul that's doing that. When I'm in my heart center, that's just where love emanates. That's just alive with the energy of love. And so when I'm connecting to my heart, the only instruction I am ever given is just love. And I'm like, even that. And like, yep, even that. Like, the heart is unrelenting. Sorry, can we swear on. I can't remember. So, yeah, the heart is unrelenting with its. Its mandate of, like, just love. And. And that's why for me, when I'm in my heart, everything becomes easier because I'm not. I'm not confused by what I need to be Thinking about someone or doing about someone energetically. Right. The heart is like, just love them. And no matter how you choose to have them in your life or be in their lives, decide that you're going to offer love as much as you can. And I want to be clear, Matt. Like, I'm a very loving person, like, for sure. And I'm really good at loving myself and others. And I'm an. And I'm a jerk. And I'm impatient. I'm not always connecting with my heart. I fall off the love train plenty. I'm just really deliberate and intentional about getting myself back into that place.
• 10:35
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 10:35
  Speaker A: Because it feels good. Right. And I think along with the innate desire to give and receive love, one of our other innate desires as humans is to feel good. And we're never going to stop wanting to feel good. And of course, life is about more, much more than just feeling good. But we're never going to stop wanting to steer ourselves back to these good feeling states. And for me, that is one of the great gifts of love is that when we're vibrating in that energy, it's like it feels good. If hatred felt good, I'd be like the hate guy. I'm a hate advocate. Let's all talk about how we can hate each other. Right. But it feels horrible and poisonous and it, you know, so. So to your question, Yes. I don't believe. When I'm in my ego, I don't believe my mind even understands what love is.
• 11:24
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 11:25
  Speaker A: Like, mentally. I don't think love lives in the mental space in that way. It's not the language of the mind. Because the language of the mind may be in, like three to six people on the planet who have really clear minds and are enlightened. But for the other 99.99% of us, the thoughts of our mind will be, to some degree mired in conditioning and fear and insecurity and a whole host of other things that create barriers to experiencing love in its fullness. Which is why, if, in my experience, if you want to really connect with the energy of love, you've got to get beyond your mind. Because that's not. It's like looking for. It's like climbing a mountain and looking for gold at the top. But this isn't a mountain of gold. And it's like, if we're continuing to look for the energy of love in our mind, we're just going to continue to be climbing and climbing and climbing and finding nothing that we're looking for.
• 12:29
  Speaker B: Yeah, I couldn't agree More, I think the language of love for the mind would be like attachment, right? And ego is a protector and it's a self server and it, it's purposeful. It serves a purpose in our world. And I think, you know, there's a healthy side to ego. It gives us identity, it gives us ability to be able to discern separateness. We are separate from right within our personality structure. So we can, you know, assimilate into subgroups and these sorts of things. But I think when we're talking, having a conversation about inner critic, I think that's the shadow side of the mind identifying or trying to. Right. So how would you describe the inner critic? What would be a way that you would define that for yourself?
• 13:09
  Speaker A: The first word that came to mind was a total asshole.
• 13:12
  Speaker B: Yes.
• 13:13
  Speaker A: But I mean, in truth, it's like I feel like most of our inner criticism is a product of our conditioning. Right. I don't like the Scott who I am right now. When I'm being triggered by others and feeling insecure about stuff, it rarely feels like it is me, the me right now going through it. When I'm in my awareness, in really looking at what's going on, I can almost always trace it back to just a younger version of me, one of the many inner children who are alive within me, who were in some way wounded by the words or actions of an adult in my life. Right. And then we hold on to this messaging and we. Someone tells you you're too much as a young kid, or you're too sensitive as a young kid, or you're too girly, you know, as a young kid. And you move through life holding on to these messages and believing them about yourself. And it can be one statement, literally that someone made to you when you were six years old. I remember being in gym class with my legs crossed in lotus position. And I didn't think of it as lotus position at the time. We called it Indian style. That's what we said. It was seating at the time. And this kid walked over to me and was like, Scott, you, you know, you look gay sitting, like. And I'm like, I didn't sit like that anymore. Right. It was like this one statement. And as I'm moving through my life, like, is this a gay way to look? When I'm sitting and being really. That's what started me, I would say, being hyper aware of just posture and how I'm holding my body in the world and all the insecurities around that. And if that looks too gay, you know, too effeminate. Too much like a girl. So I think this inner critic is like our lifetime storage of all of these moments. And then what we've done with all of these moments to turn our minds against ourselves. And I think our minds are, they naturally, unfortunately are hypercritical and hyper abusive of who we are. So you brought up. And I think it's important too because I think in the spiritual world it can be really easy to make the mind an enemy and not hold space for the benefits of an ego. Which you just did a few minutes ago.
• 15:26
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 15:26
  Speaker A: I'm not to suggest we go to war with our minds ever. The mind will win. It is relentless. It will never wave the white flag. I am however suggesting that we get in the habit of challenging our minds, get in the habit of not believing our thoughts, not especially the thoughts that are in any way mired in self abuse. If there's anything that your mind is telling you that in any way suggests you are not worthy, you are not enough or you are not lovable, it is a lie.
• 15:58
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 15:58
  Speaker A: And if you can just accept that, learn to accept those thoughts as lies and stop giving. And this isn't. I say that as though it's the easiest thing to do. We're just going to not believe our minds. It's a very difficult thing to do. But the moment you make yourself available to the possibility that your mind is lying to you, often it becomes easier to see the times when it is not telling you the truth. And then if you can stop giving energy to thoughts that suggest you're unworthy or less than or whatever, suddenly the time it takes for you to get to this place of self abuse where like I'm worthless, I'm, you know, unlovable, I'm lazy, I'm stupid. The time it takes for you to get from there to no, I'm a worthy, loving, lovable human being, it start in my experience, it just starts to get shorter and shorter and shorter. So you're not living the voice of the inner critic as much. You're living in the true heart, communication in the heart. This is how you know if your heart's talking to you. Your heart's never going to be telling you you're less than in any way. Your heart is always going to be reminding you of your beauty and your worth and your wholeness exactly as you are. And so for me, this journey of self love is really about. It's not about changing my mind, it's about changing my relationship to my mind and my thoughts. I'm 54 years old. I have been on this path half my life, and my mind is no different, not really. My mind is as insane as it's ever been. It's as anxious, it's as a judgmental, it is as insecure, it's as jealous, it's as envious. It is all of those things when I'm watching my thoughts and the thing I'm thinking, like, holy. It's just insanity. But how I relate to that is totally different. And that is why I feel like I'm just a more peaceful and loving person than I've ever been. I don't feel as ruled by my thoughts as I used to.
• 18:02
  Speaker B: Yeah, it's. Oh, my God, you said so much there. I'm like, where does my mind go? My ADHD brain is active. I always say we can't control our minds. We can't make our minds more still. Meditation is not about stilling your mind. It's about controlling your attention. So we have to get really good at developing the attention, right? The muscle of our. Of our mind, which is attention. And when we stop identifying with our thought forms, and I think people like you and I, highly sensitive people, empaths, intuitives, we pick up on thought forms from around us as well, right? So I'll sometimes be in a grocery store, and I'll have all these flooding thoughts coming into my mind, and I'm like, I now know, right? 40 years later, these are my thoughts. These are all the thoughts of the people around me that I'm picking up on. And when I was a kid, though, I had no idea. And I was like, why am I thinking. Thinking all this, like, crazy stuff. And so you're right. The madness of the mind, it's. It's fascinating. And I don't think it's our job to try and control the mind and to try and stop it. It's monkey mind. It even goes and plays when we're sleeping and. And these sorts of things. But I think I like how you said challenge, challenge the mind. And I think when. When we're talking about softening the inner critic, I think we have to be mindful that this isn't. It's a play on awareness, I think, is a big thing for me. My. My inner critic has really started to dissipate. The more I've been able to have awareness of where it's come from. And that's my programming. That's my conditioning. And my parents definitely had their own conditioning from their parents and from their parents and from their parents. And I Think a lot of intergenerational trauma is brought on by shaming and shaming as a way to control behavior. And when we have that, I think it's a way that we protect ourselves against having to feel the shame is to. Well, the shame from another person is to develop a protector part, which is the inner critic. And the inner critic comes in and is like, you know, play small. Don't put yourself out there. Make sure that you keep yourself in line by criticizing yourself before other people can criticize you. So I do think that there is an adaptation. Having an inner critic is actually very adaptive to, let's say, you know, growing up in a chaotic home environment where if you got out of line, then you would be beaten or you'd be, you know, verbally abused, whatever it might be. So your inner critic is this way that you negotiate with an unsafe world around you. But then, you know, as we get older and we start to differentiate from our family systems, it becomes maladaptive because we now don't have this awareness that we have this protector part that's trying to keep us safe. But really it's actually annihilating the self. Right?
• 20:42
  Speaker A: Absolutely. Which is the same thing for fear. Everything you just said, I would. I would say the exact same things around fear. Like, I. I finally learned, however many years ago, my fear is only here to protect me. It is actually of service. That's all it's ever doing is wanting to keep me safe. And any possible choice I could make that could create discomfort in my life, my fear is going to say, do not do it. And that could be the simplest thing, like asking a guy out on a date. The fear is like, no, you could get rejected. Right? We understand our fear when it's like, don't run into the burning building. Yeah, of course. But it's like, why is my fear so hell bent on preventing me from asking someone out on a date or for. From sending my short story into the contest or whatever it is our fear is keeping us from doing, but it's just there to protect. And I think that that's a very. What you're speaking about with the inner critic. It's very valuable to, in my opinion, create friendship with everything that's going on inside of us. Because war only elicits more war internally and externally. So even though I recognize my awareness allows me to see all the different ways my mind. And under that umbrella, inner critic, fear, insecurity, all that stuff, all the ways it makes my life so much harder and creates so much more Suffering than I feel like needs to happen, while at the same time recognizing it is just another part of me doing its best to survive in this human form in this lifetime. I'm not going to go to war with it, but I'm also not going to do what I've done for most of my life, which is believe it and be ruled by it. You know, it's just not necessary. Like, we, we actually can develop different relationships to our thoughts and minds. And that for me, is one of the main pathways to creating more peace in our lives. And one of the spiritual metaphors I love around this is essentially, there's a few versions of it I'll use the ocean. It's like if all of your thoughts, if you look at your thoughts and each of your thoughts is just a wave in the ocean, yeah. If you believe you're the wave, you're going to suffer. Because if the thought is, I'm a piece of. And you, that's the wave. And you, you own that wave is your truth. That just equals suffering. But if you remember that your thoughts are the waves, but you are the ocean, like, energetically, we are huge, expansive, energetic beings. And what we're able to carry is so much greater when we stop believing that we are our minds, we are not our minds. Even the mind is just a wave. Everything happening in the mind is just a single wave in the ocean of your existence. And for me, that is so helpful. When I realize when I'm suffering and this world is a shit show of epic proportions in so many ways, I really just want to acknowledge that it's like there's so much injustice, violence, insanity, pain, as well as so much beauty and creativity. Right? Like everything's going on here. But when I'm suffering generally, it's because of what I'm thinking about. It's because of what I'm believing about, what I'm thinking about. So even in the context of the world at large and, or I'll even hone it in, in the, the queer community at large, if I. If I'm really struggling with the way queer people are being treated in my country, which is the USA and around the world, and I do struggle with this, if I'm just mired in suffering, then I know I'm only focused on the negatives and the injustice of the queer experience. And I'm not the ocean in that. I'm just the waves that are saying everyone hates queer people and gay men are this and whatever else. But when I become the ocean, I'm Able to hold myself open to all the beauty that's happening in the queer community as well, all the different ways that we are showing up for each other. You're. The fact that your podcast exists, the fact that there are so many more like sex, gay sex positive podcasts that are talking really honestly and vulnerably, like the way you all do about the gay experience. Like, these are all really, I think, beautiful, important things to go on. And I guess what I'm saying here is if you find yourself solely focused in on what is not working in one area of your life or in the world in general, I encourage you to expand your lens, if for no other reason, to create the possibility of a bit more peace in your own experience. Because there's always more than just suffering here and then also to potentially be a beacon of the light that you want to see here. Right? Like we, we all want to see more peace and love, but what are we doing to model that in our own lives? How are we becoming the living examples of what we want to see co created on our planet? Like, this is ultimately where our power lives. I have no say over what you choose to do, Matt, but I have a lot of influence over how I'm choosing to show up. You know?
• 26:02
  Speaker B: Yeah, I think I love what you're saying. I think this is a. It's also highlights where people are out on their spiritual journey. And I don't necessarily mean like, like, you know, that everyone's going to come into this life and they're going to have the same experience of somebody that with like say an older soul, they've had a lot of incarnations. So I do think there's people that are on this planet that are older souls and we're here to mentor younger souls. But that mentorship doesn't necessarily mean that those people are here to have that experience. Right? It's. I think we are all here to have the experience of love, but some people are going to experience it in a different way than say, people that are here to actually start to transform, transcend their ego in these bigger ways. I kind of frame everything you just said in like a. A term that I, that I use as differentiation from the mind, that we develop a witness consciousness to realize that we are separate from our minds. We're not our ego structure, we're not our thoughts, we're not any of these things. Exactly what you said. We're not even our beliefs. Right. We are a consciousness that is, transcends all of that. And so I do think that there's, you know, for people that this might be like a high level concept to be grasping, I would say, like to bring it down into a place that feels like manageable because I think sometimes these conversations can feel overwhelming. Okay, well, how the hell do I get there? How do I get to this place where I can transcend the madness of my mind? And I even ask myself that question constantly, right? Like my mind can. I can have days or even weeks where my mind is completely running rampant and running the show. And I think that I always come back to slowing down. That's the absolute most important thing. Because our mind, it goes at a speed that is way faster than what I call as the entrance point to differentiation from mind, which would be our body. You can start with your physical body, you can start with your inner body, which is more energetics. But I think external body is easier for people. Like focus on your hands, your feet and just start to notice sensation, the sensation of who you are and start spending time there. Because I do believe like the truth of who we are. Like you describe it as the soul or this consciousness that whispers to us, you know, you are love, you're lovable, you are enough, you're all these things. It that happens in the subtle, slower kind of. It's whispering. It truly is a whisper. The mind is yelling constantly. So if you're so used to listening to the loudest thing that's making the most noise, you're always going to be listening to your mind. And I think, think that's why we're in a unconsciousness crisis in our world. Because I do think people are just resorting their attention to the first thing that that's there, which is the mind. In order for us to start to connect with the whispers, we actually have to get good at controlling our attention. Right. Can I actually allow myself time spent in my body or time spent in the essence of who I am? And a lot of people, they really struggle with that because I think a lot of us were really in flight energy, we're busy overachieve as a way to compensate for not feeling good enough. All of this energy, it's too fast, right? So it's really hard for us to connect into the part of us that's actually going to help us soften our inner critic. Right?
• 29:04
  Speaker A: Yeah. I love what you're saying. I love just the idea of slowing down. And I think with, I really like generative questions, which for me are when are questions that actually direct us toward the yes that we're seeking. So as an example. If I'm spinning out in my mind, one thing I might ask myself is just what does my heart have to say about this experience? You know what, what is love invite? How is love inviting me to reflect on what I'm experiencing right now? Because when I'm lost in my mind, I know that one of the most beneficial things I can do is what you said is to get to a different energy center. Right. If I'm suffering and just in my head I'm like, well, what's my heart have to say? What does my soul have to say? What does my body have to say? How can I engage with these other energy centers that aren't necessarily mired in the body is a little trickier than like, the soul and the heart for me are steady in their energies. The body can be trickier. People say the body doesn't always lie, but that's not my experience because some. The body has a lot of trauma in it and it might be reacting to something that's entirely safe in a completely freaked out way because of past experience. But in general, the body doesn't lie because what the body's feeling, it's feeling in truth. But the situation may not be as, you know, scary as the body thinks it is. Yeah, but so generative questions. Yeah, like, and then if I'm stuck in a place, if I'm stuck in my head and I'm stuck in my thoughts and I'm feeling like completely lost in my inner critic or whatever, it's like the questions I might ask is how I start questions with how can I go about? Blank, blank, blank. Because when you start a question with how can I go about? It assumes that you can go about it. It assumes that there is a possibility for you in the answer, and then it allows you to get curious with how you can create those possibilities for yourself. So I really like to assume the yes, because again, your inner critic in your mind are going to go to no. So if you're just asking questions like, let's say you want to, you have a job that's paying a decent salary, but you hate it and you want a new job and you say to your mind, am I going to be able to find a job that, you know, pays as well? Your mind's gonna be like, nope, you're in a critic. You know, you're in a crazy be like, no, no one's gonna want to hire you for all of these reasons. So you can't ask questions like that to fear because the answer will always be no. So the way I would ask that question is, how can I go about what are the first steps I can take to finding a new job that will feel more fulfilling to me? And then you're automatically listing things that you can do. And then, of course, with everything we're saying, you have to extend beyond thought and actually take action, even if they're baby steps, like you've listed them. But now are you going to do some of the things on your list? Ultimately, you've got to do something in order to create change in your life. But what I like about what we're. We're discussing crossing is just understanding that there's so much power that lives in the choices we make. And I think that it can feel so overwhelming for people, especially for those of you listening who maybe have never or rarely felt like you've had a really loving, compassionate relationship with yourself. And maybe you're 45 years old and you're like, I've never been able to really love myself. How am I going to be able to start now? To that I want to say, because I know there are some of you out there feeling that way is. It's like, it's always what we do from this moment on that's going to matter the most for our lives. So here you are right now. The fact that you're listening to this podcast in general and then listening to this episode titled, whatever it ends up being titled, something about self judgment and self love, suggests to me that you actually are more available to loving yourself than maybe you even realize. And that's one of the other first steps I tell people to consider when they're like, how can I go about loving myself more? Is to just acknowledge the ways you are loving yourself first and foremost, instead of repeating this idea that you don't know how to love yourself every time you're brushing your teeth, it's an act of love. And I know that might sound silly, but that is you caring for yourself. Every time you're preparing a meal for yourself is an act of love. Every time you're putting on clothes that make you feel good, it's an act of love. We're actually caring for ourselves every day in myriad different ways. And I think that we tend to take these things for granted. And then we come upon it, we look, I don't know how to take care of myself. I don't know how to love myself. I don't even like myself. And yet I could give you 20 examples from yesterday where you actually were showing up as a Friend to yourself. So what happens if you just allow yourself to. To live in that energy a little bit more and say, like, oh, this is me cooking food for myself. This is me loving myself in a good way. Because what that does in my experience again, is it's just all energy, all of this noise. Everything is energy. Our thoughts, our words, our actions. And energy does create more of the same energy. It builds momentum. So the more energy you give to the acknowledgement of the ways you are taking care of yourself, the more likely you are to continue taking care of yourself in even bigger ways. That's been my experience. And then another really quick. I took this hypnosis workshop years ago in New York and I don't. I really don't remember anything about it, which I think is funny, except this one thing I'm going to tell you is the. The teacher told us for the inner critic. She said, give your inner critic a voice, an actual voice, and make it the most ridiculous voice you can possibly think of. So my. This is what my inner critic sounds like. Scott, you're really stupid. You're so lazy and dumb. And it's like when that's the voice criticizing you, it's really hard to take it seriously. And just, I promise you, play with this tool to those of you listening, if you feel called, and just see what it does for you. Because one of the things it does for, for me is it just shifts the energy. Like when I'm. I'm in it, I'm like, you're a piece of. And when I remember, and I don't always remember when I remember to do that voice, it always makes me laugh and it always just shifts the energy. And again, when we're lost in. In these thoughts that we are not worthy, it is an excruciating thing to believe about ourselves. And I know that sometimes, like you when you said that sometimes it's days or weeks where you're lost in your mind's thoughts that aren't particularly helpful. I think sometimes what I remind myself is if what I'm thinking about myself, if all it's doing is creating more and more suffering for me, then I nudge myself to think about anything else. It's like we are not obligated to think about ourselves all the time. There is a video I return to online. It's of a. This cute little fluffy lap dog. And all it does is it drinks a green smoothie and it's got this big old tongue and it's just this tongue and it's. I don't care what I'm going through in my life. If I put this video on for two minutes, I am laughing for two minutes. And I've given myself the gift of two minutes of laughter and have shown myself that even in the depths of my depression, in this moment or misery or struggle or grief, that it is possible to laugh. Right. That. That the feelings we're feeling, they're always moving, they're always flowing. There is a way to play with energy. And also, I also want to acknowledge that sometimes when we're feeling. I'm not trying to talk anyone out of feeling what they're feeling. At the same time, I'm just trying to remind people that we also. Feelings are meant to move through us. And more often than not, when they're not moving through me, it's because I'm holding on to something story about what I'm feeling.
• 37:20
  Speaker B: Yeah, that's such an important part of this conversation. I'm glad that you brought that up because, you know, I'm just reflecting on my own experience and like, struggling with trauma. I think that's the asterisks of this conversation, in my opinion, because, you know, there's the awareness piece, so, so important where you need to be aware of it. We need to be aware of the programs, the conditioning. But I do think for people that grew up in homes where it was. Is constantly being. They were inundated with this messaging, it actually becomes the internalized parent voice. Right. If you had a nagging parent, an abusive parent, anything of that nature, that becomes our voice. It won't be the voice of our mother or our father, but it'll be our own voice using the same language that was used on us. And I think for me, at least, my mind was feeding off of the unhealed trauma in my body. Body. It was literally like a bloodthirsty vampire just sucking all of this unprocessed trauma and using that as evidence. It would create emotional flashbacks in my body. Somatic memories would come through and I. I would. I really would be just completely annihilated with all of this darkness. And so there's a point, I think, when. With this work, a couple things. For me, it was. Trauma healing was absolutely essential. That was. That was basically emptying my body of these. These past experiences that were being held in my body as memories, as somatic memories. Once I started to unload those, I started to have less frequency of emotional memories or emotional flashbacks that would come in. Emotional flashbacks for me are always accompanied by the inner critic. It's judging myself. Why am I feeling like this? Why is everything so dark? Why am I depressed? And then I would go into this, this doom cycle. Right. So clearing out my trauma definitely helped. But then what I found was my mind was caught in these habits of always looking for how things aren't going to work, how to keep myself safe. So all my protector parts would come through in the form of an inner critic. So I think, you know, and most of my life I've been actually anti pharmaceutical, believe it or not. But pharmaceuticals are actually the one thing in the form of an antidepressant that helped me with being able to get my inner critic under control because my brain was caught in like, in almost like looping. And I was, I think I had like low serotonin dopamine receptor reactivity or activity in my brain. And then as soon as I went on, on antidepressants, it really helped me be able to start to create more spaciousness. I was slowing down so I could start to feel into my heart so I could start to feel into these things. Things because I think I had so much flight dissociation that my brain was so hyperactive and I could not move away from my mind into my body because it just whatever, it didn't feel safe or, or whatnot. So I wanted to just bring voice to that because I think we have a lot of trauma, unhealed trauma in our community and I think it's going to be very hard to work with the inner critic if you haven't done healing. So I would say awareness is really, really key. But then there has to be a healing component and, and I'd be curious to hear your take on that. Like what do you think healing needs to happen in order for the inner. In order for us to be able to transcend self judgment or the inner critic. Do you think a healing needs to be a piece of this?
• 40:32
  Speaker A: Oh, sure. I would say my, my gut is. Would say sure. Because I don't think if you haven't transcended your inner critic, then there's more healing.
• 40:41
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 40:42
  Speaker A: To be realized. Because I don't think. And even the idea of a healed person, again, maybe there are three to six of them that exist on the planet. I believe that this is the journey through life and, and I would maybe use the word enlightened to describe a being who's maybe not dealing with any of those ego struggles anymore. And I just think there are very few of those people. So for the rest of us, this is what we're going to be dealing with, should we choose to on this journey in our life in a more conscious way. Because as you said, this isn't everyone's path. And I think that's also really important, especially in this time, if we can remember that, that we're all on our own journey here. Yes, we are in a collective, but one person's journey is not yours. And I feel like one of the things I'm seeing a lot right now in every community, not just the queer community, not just the gay men's community, we were putting a lot of expectations on others to show up in the ways that we're showing up and judging them and shaming them and dehumanizing them for not doing so. And that serves nothing, you know, in, in any positive way. So, yes, I think that the more healed you are, the less inclined you are to be susceptible to the inner critic. And for me, I would go back to the more practiced you are at creating space between the capital I and your mind, like really understanding or the capital S self in the thoughts of your mind, the more space you can. Because all the inner critic stuff only coming from the mind, right? Ultimately, the voice of the inner critic is an egoic voice. Even if it's taking all of your lived experience and all the trauma that's rooted in your body and wherever else, it's still being distilled through the lens of a fearful, insecure mind and conditioned mind. So the more you're able to just look at the mind for what it is, like in the same way, like I'm waving at you right now because this is what my hand does. I do not define myself by what my hand does. And, or my foot or my leg or my arm. If you can learn to view your mind as just another aspect of your body, the way you look at your hands and arms, you're. You're less inclined to be defined by it. And then you would be less inclined to be defined by the judgment and the inner criticism that is laying upon you. And that for me is just continuous practice which can feel overwhelming. You've brought up awareness a few times and I think that's so important because it's the starting point to everything, right? Without awareness, nothing's going to happen. But the moment you start bringing awareness to what you're thinking about, you're going to be that much more aware of how self critical you are. And that can feel really overwhelming, especially in the early stages of, for lack of a better word, a spiritual path or spiritual development. Because the more awareness you bring to yourself, the more up you're going to realize you are. And that is terrifying. And that is why so many of us turn away from deeper, you know, introspection. And we just go to the drugs and go to more sex and we go to all the different things we go to. And believe me, I numb as well. You know, like, I'm not above numbing. And I also think numbing can be healthy at times, but that's another conversation. So, yeah, I. For me, again, it just. It comes back to that. Like, create more space between you and your thoughts. Thoughts. Don't believe them. Don't believe them. Don't believe them. In the same way that if you told me right now you can't stand my long blonde hair, it's like, it's like I'm not really going to connect with that criticism. I'm not going to be triggered by that, because I don't connect with what you're saying about me. And if we can learn to not connect so deeply to what our minds are telling us about ourselves, yeah, we're going to create for ourselves a lot more peace. And. And again, it's always, well, how do you do that? And so a few things we brought up, and I, you know, there's a. It feels like a movement now. I. I was first made aware of it by Elizabeth Gilbert, these letters from love, years ago. But one really beautiful practice for everybody is just get in the habit of writing yourself a letter from your heart or a letter from love. And that is a. A sure way to get out of your mind. Just write down, literally, like, for me, it'd be like, you know, dear Scott, this is your heart talking, and here's what I want you to know. And then just allow the voice of love to share with you how it sees you, what it has to say about what you're experiencing. And if it's the voice of love, what you're going to be shown is that there is a place inside of you that is never out of alignment with your worth, with your beauty, with your enoughness. There is a place inside of you that sees you for exactly who you are and loves every aspect of who you are. And the more we foster connection to that place, the more naturally we create for ourselves an internal sense of peace. So that when our mind and the inner critic is going off, off, you can be resting more readily in your heart and able to just observe all the noise that's happening in your ego without becoming it.
• 46:21
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 46:22
  Speaker A: Foster those connections to the heart, to the soul, Some people find that through meditation. You brought up something really important, Matt, when you said earlier about getting on medication.
• 46:34
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 46:34
  Speaker A: And you were against pharmaceutical, you know, you, you saw yourself as against pharmaceuticals and then you found that medic really helpful to you. And what I took from that is just a reminder of how important it is for each of us. And one of the great gifts we can give to ourselves is just bringing awareness to the different tools that work for us without feeling compelled to do things that work for others if they're not working for us. Right. It's like lots of people love meditation, right? Meditation is an extraordinary tool for a lot of people, but not for everybody. And if you're one of those people that doesn't vibe with meditation, rather than force yourself to meditate every day, if that's not feeling like it's in alignment with who you are, find the thing that is in alignment with who you are and give energy to that thing. Right. It's like if we did nothing else but paid attention to the choices we're making and gave more energy to the choices that had us feeling good and started eliminating the choices that have us feeling like it, we would change our lives overnight. Yeah, right. And that is that simple. These concepts are very simple. And then living into the concepts, of course are not always easy because we're human beings and we're insane. Right. But. But it's possible, right? Difficult is not impossible. Very difficult to learn how to observe your mind without becoming attached to the thoughts in a regular way. But it's not impossible. And it's just I see self love as a skill. And like every other skill, the more you practice at it, the better you become.
• 48:13
  Speaker B: I like that. And yes, medication for me was also an epiphany around let people help you, let things help you, let like I adapted or could even say maladapted from my childhood because by becoming hyper independent I didn't need anybody. I wouldn't rely on anybody for anything. I was very, very self sufficient. I wouldn't take pharmaceutical of cold because it was me being weak and needing help. And it's like, it's very humbling. I ate a lot of humble pie in the last few years and it's showing me that we need support, we need each other, we need love, we need connection, especially when it comes to healing trauma. Like you need love and connection to heal trauma. Right. And I know that not having love and connection is usually what creates trauma for people. So it becomes a catch 22 of, you know, how do I finally Start letting people back up in to be there to support me and love me when, you know, I didn't have that growing up. I think that creates some injuries for people.
• 49:06
  Speaker A: Yeah, absolutely. And you're a reflection with what you just shared of how to be in a healthier relationship with your inner critic. Because your inner critic is telling you you're weak. If you take pharmaceuticals, you're this, you're whatever, whatever, whatever. But you, in your willingness to stay open to other possibilities, in your dedication to create more healing for yourself, self gave it a go, right? And it's like for me that's like, that is the expression of how expansive we can be. I can take a medication for depression while at the same time judging, taking medications for depression. Like we are. We can hold all these contradictions, right? Like, just because we feel one way doesn't mean that's how we have to direct ourselves. We can still stay open to other possibilities. And in that openness, sometimes miracles get created, which is, I view the fact that you're being, you're being helped by medication as a miracle. Like anytime we're being helped in this way out of a really suffering state, it's like, great, that's a miracle. And you found it through that path in this moment, you know, but it's openness that allows us to experience these types of miracles and revelations in perspective. When we're closed down to that possibility, things don't seep in in the same way.
• 50:29
  Speaker B: Yeah, we've got about 10 minutes and I want to just touch on something because I think it's really important. And I wrote down like self monitoring. I think, I think gay men, I think we are, we're conditioned from very young to be very self monitoring. And I think in the inner critic piece, it's very much has to come from monitoring ourselves. Right? So I think when I say like we need to be aware of the inner critic, some of you might be listening, thinking, geez, like I am already so aware. I'm with all of these dark thoughts as they're coming in, I'm, I'm aware of them, I think, and I think that's important. It's important to be able to recognize them. But then I think it's also important to share some of that awareness with what you're talking about, these dualistic or these, these multiple parts that we can have. Can we share some of that awareness with, you know, the part of ourself that is able to give ourselves a little bit more grace, race or whatever it might be. And I liked what you said about generative questions. I would say something that I, that I utilize that's really helpful for me is instead of believing everything I think and this helps me actually more so with my outer critic which is a little bit of a different conversation, but I think it's related which is saying, you know, something like the story I'm telling myself is this right? And I would just because it is. We're all just telling stories. We have zero clue what the absolute truth is, is of this situation. It's just a story that we're making up. So if we can start to even say the story I'm telling myself right now about myself. Yes, but also when it comes to judgment of others, which in my opinion is just an extension of judgment of self, we can start to say, you know what, the story I'm telling myself is that this person is this, it takes us away from this righteousness and it could even be righteousness towards our own self hatred, but also righteousness towards hatred towards others. And then it allows us to have, have a bit of a differentiation from it and know that okay, this is just this part of me having this experience, AKA my inner critic or my ego. But there is another part that I can share this awareness with which is again slowing down. Spending more time with our body, with even our hand on our heart or like you said, writing a letter to love or a letter to your heart from your heart. These sorts of things, I think they're absolutely essential. It gives us that connection to something greater than the automatic pilot of like just constantly thinking and being in thinker mind. Right?
• 52:47
  Speaker A: Absolutely. There are so many different parts of who we are to play with and get information from and wisdom from. And yet we're so dependent on our thoughts. And that is the one area that is lying to us the most. That's what's so wild about it into that for me when you brought up awareness and so self monitoring, for me the, the energetic difference between those two things is that in self monitoring there's a lot of judgment. It's a lot of judgment about how we may be perceived, how we're perceiving ourselves in the moment in awareness and why awareness is so beneficial and important. There's just no judgment. In my experience. It's like healthy awareness is just observation. It's literally like that soul centered place that is simply taking in what's going on without judging it as good or bad. And if we can do that with ourselves, we're going to be more inclined, as you said to do it with other people because it is all related. How we relate to ourselves informs how we relate to everyone and everything else. Which is why I just. I don't see a more important thing than prioritizing your relationship to self. Because it's going to affect everything. Yeah. And just getting in the habit of that kind of non judgmental open awareness. It's just information. And even that, even when I say that how I feel it in my body is like, it's nonchalant. It's like, this is just more information. And in the beginning, especially if you're early on a. I'm calling it the spiritual path or the personal development path, it's again, it can feel really overwhelming in the beginning. And that is especially because we're inclined to judge the information we're receiving.
• 54:26
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 54:26
  Speaker A: When you're becoming more aware of how envious or jealous you can be, you're going to judge it instead of just like, it's just information. Oh, I'm just seeing the parts of me that are also really envious. I wasn't aware that I could be quite this jealous or whatever it is that's coming up for you in the moment. It's like, okay, I see that now. And then you can decide how. Do you want to play with it? Do you want to see where it originates from? Do you want to, you know, get in therapy and talk about it? Do you want to write about it? Whatever you want to do about it. It. But as much as possible, approach this process with curiosity. And for me, I'm really getting much better at just being nonchalant.
• 55:07
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 55:07
  Speaker A: Oh, my mind's being unbelievably insane right now. That's interesting. Okay. You know, we're human. One of the things, Matt, I say to myself more than any other thing is, it's okay, honey, you're human. Like, yeah, it's just this deep grace and deep acceptance of my humanity within all of this. And however I'm showing up, that is not to justify bad behavior, but it's just to acknowledge that we're often making choices that aren't the healthiest choices for ourselves. We don't have to shame ourselves because of it. We can actually still love ourselves and give ourselves grace. Because you will not shame yourself into a more healed place. That's not how the energy of shame works. But you can often love yourself into a better place of being, in my experience.
• 55:55
  Speaker B: Yeah, I agree. I think it's important, like when we have those pangs come up of whatever, envy, jealousy, these things I think we're conditioned as human beings to turn away from that, to turn away from ourselves, to judge it, to shame it, to be like, ugh, why are you feeling that? And I think even just offering yourself a turn towards moment where you just turn towards yourself and you say, yeah, I'm suffering right now, or yes, I'm feeling jealous and just owning. Owning what you're feeling. I think that's the first point. And then I love this. Say that again. What was the mantra that you said that you, honey, I'm.
• 56:25
  Speaker A: Oh, it's okay, honey, you're human.
• 56:27
  Speaker B: It's okay, honey, you're human. Like, how beautiful is that even just you saying that, like, those words out loud, and they weren't even directed at me. I felt safe in you hearing that. And when we can create a safe emotional experience with ourselves, I think we're, we're heading in the right direction of being able to connect more with compassion for ourselves. When we start to recognize suffering and then recognize it as a part of, of the human experience, we're all having it. We're all going to have this part of ourselves, this mechanism of ego that's going to be hard on ourselves and go into protector energy and these sorts of things. So, yeah, bringing voice to it. I think this is why I fell in love with authentic relating, actually, is because it really, it gives space for all this stuff to be there. And I'm allowed to be jealous or to be uncomfortable, to be all the things. And I'm allowed to talk about it with other people that I'm authentically relating with. And it transmutes as soon as it's brought into connection with another person. You feel the shame of it. You feel loved for feeling whatever is coming up by another person, and it just transmute. It's almost like evaporation. I can feel it evaporating, but when I try and do it on my own, it doesn't have that same impact. And that's just a testament to. We're social creatures and ego hates it. Truly, my ego hates it. My ego hates that a lot of the healing that I need in my life comes through relationships because it, it takes the control and it, it makes it something that I have to share in that experience with somebody else. Right. So the ego doesn't like it, but when I do it, my soul really, really relishes in it.
• 57:54
  Speaker A: Well, and look what you've created. Look at your work, look at your life. Look at this podcast. Like, would any of it be happening if you weren't Willing to step outside of yourself and your ego and like grow from interaction with people.
• 58:10
  Speaker B: True. Yeah.
• 58:10
  Speaker A: You know?
• 58:11
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 58:11
  Speaker A: I mean, maybe it would have. I don't know.
• 58:14
  Speaker B: I want to say one last thing. I'm having such an interesting experience lately because I've been going through a whole bunch of transcendent stuff. And it's almost like I have these moments where I'm just in pure presence. And I always say, presence is the foundation for everything, for all, healing for all, everything. Truly, for me on my spiritual path, it's all about presence. And I've been having these experiences where I just slide into presence, presence. And I am not self monitoring at all. Okay. It's terrifying. It's a very terrifying experience because it's like, what did I just do? I don't know if I did something embarrassing or. Right. Did I pick my nose while I was just completely in the present moment and not actually reflecting or monitoring? So I've been really negotiating with this. My ego is like, you know, obviously going through a process of. Wouldn't call it death, but it's like a. It's a flexibility. My ego is becoming more flexible and it has less of a grab. So I'm spending less time in ego and more time in just pure presence. So I'm just curious if you've ever had that experience where you just drop into these present moments and you just forget what you're doing. But it just goes to show, my conditioning, My conditioning is all around built in, around embarrassment, where you have to look cool at all times. Right. I have a program from when I was a young boy that said, don't like embarrass yourself. Look cool at all times. And I was that kind of cool kid that, that, you know, that sort of energy. So that piece of my ego is just. It doesn't want to let go. It's so scared of being seen as. Well, whatever. Embarrassed would be humiliated. It's being scared of see being seen as humiliated or something like that.
• 59:44
  Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I feel like in my experience, anytime I'm in my heart, in the present moment in my soul, my ego's freaking out. Like, my ego wants to be in control at all times. So it's never at ease if I am at ease. But yeah, I've had those moments that you're speaking of. Like, I feel like that's what keeps me focused on this way of being. Because I long for peace as much as I long for anything. So I find that when I'm most present is when I'M most peaceful and, you know, feel most at home in my being. And I think it's normal to have. Have an ego freak out on the other side of it. And I would just encourage you to just roll with it, man. Because for me, it's a gift. Like, I can't. I don't pretend that I'm always. I'm not always having these present moments. So if you're having lots of them and they keep showing up, roll with it and. And say thank you.
• 1:00:43
  Speaker B: Yeah, exactly.
• 1:00:44
  Speaker A: Because it sounds like they feel good while they're going on. Yeah.
• 1:00:47
  Speaker B: I don't know if they feel good while they're going on. Because I'm present, right?
• 1:00:50
  Speaker A: You're so present. Okay.
• 1:00:51
  Speaker B: You can't really discern presence because it's not past or future, it's present. So the only way for me to be able to understand what I was just experiencing is for me to go back into the past and then I get pulled out of presence. So it's just such an interesting way that this works. Consciousness is so fascinating to me.
• 1:01:08
  Speaker A: It is fascinating. And we have no idea, like, what's even happening. That's the most fascinating thing.
• 1:01:16
  Speaker B: One last question before we wrap up. I'm curious for you. What brings you closer to life?
• 1:01:19
  Speaker A: Love. I mean, the people in my life certainly like the people that I feel closest to and the connections that happen with those people. Because when you say brings me closer to love, where I went is like, what gets me into my heart. So connections with loved ones. Nature for me, in part, because nature is it. Nature is my greatest meditation. I'd say, like, walks in a forest is like the height of meditation for me. And it quiets me down. So that also allows me to get back into my heart and closer to love. All of you, you spoke of love as an umbrella, which is how I experience it. It's an umbrella that holds compassion, forgiveness, empathy, kindness. So whenever I'm engaging with any of those energies, I'm in love. And we're. We're given opportunities all the time to engage with those energies with ourselves and toward other people. People.
• 1:02:16
  Speaker B: Yeah. Amen. Okay, one last question. Bonus question. What pulls you further away from love?
• 1:02:22
  Speaker A: The stories that I believe about myself and others. When I forget to consider the humanity in another person, when I forget that had I lived their life and walked in their shoes, I might have arrived at the exact same place where they are now that I find so abhorrent or offensive, I don't know that I wouldn't be the exact same person had I lived their life in, in that understanding, I feel like I'm able to. To find my compassion and empathy again. So when I lose. When I'm just like lost in the. The hatred or the disgust in another's actions, I get out of my heart real fast.
• 1:03:08
  Speaker B: Yeah, exactly. Or even just when I feel like my. My lived experience and my beliefs are right and everyone else's are wrong, I think that pulls me immediately out of. I go into righteousness and then righteousness leads me to hatred. So. Yeah, same interesting stuff.
• 1:03:24
  Speaker A: Yeah.
• 1:03:24
  Speaker B: Well, I feel like we could have a part two of this conversation. So in the fall, we'll definitely have to. I'll have you back on and we can have another conversation. I love the way that we. We think together and yeah, it's nice creating with you.
• 1:03:37
  Speaker A: So thank you and for. For everyone listening. 1. Thank you for listening. But also, I just really want to emphasize that it is never too late to transform the relationship you have with yourself. It's just not. So if you are called to be more loving with yourself, be more compassionate, be more patient, really ask yourself, how can I go about being more compassionate, being more patient, being more loving? Write these things down and just start doing one thing off the list every day, every other day, five minutes, 10 minutes. It's all energy and it all matters.
• 1:04:12
  Speaker B: Yeah, I like that. Ask the questions that are going to allow you to give the answers of how you want to be right.
• 1:04:18
  Speaker A: Honor the yes.
• 1:04:18
  Speaker B: Frame the questions in the ways of, you know, the old patterns or the, the shame or these things. So asking yourself the questions, which is what you said, generative questions are going to lead to generative answers of the things you want to experience.
• 1:04:30
  Speaker A: Yeah. And that's very empowering.
• 1:04:32
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 1:04:32
  Speaker A: Truly.
• 1:04:33
  Speaker B: Yeah, it's beautiful. And for people to find you, they can go to Scott stabile.com S C-O-T T S T A B I L E dot com.
• 1:04:44
  Speaker A: Yeah. Or scottstabill.substack.com is. Even though you can go to my. You'll find that through my website, but my Substack newsletter is where I'm most active right now.
• 1:04:52
  Speaker B: Okay, cool. Yeah. So it'll all be linked in the show notes as well. So awesome. And thanks for coming on and sharing your. Your wisdom and your love and your open heart with us. Much, brother.
• 1:05:03
  Speaker A: I love you so much. I love how you're showing up in the world, truly. Thank you for having me.
• 1:05:07
  Speaker B: Thank you. All right, and audience, if you're watching on YouTube, drop some comments in the comment section and ask us questions. If you want to know anything more about this work or you want to share your your insights or the things that you've been navigating in relation to your own inner critic self love, self compassion, let's get the conversation going down in in the comments section. All right. Much love, everybody.