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Transcript

Starting Over Isn’t Weak...It’s Powerful with Melissa Vogel |294 · Bomb Life

0:00
[SPEAKER_00]: When that should should, we just should all over the place.
0:02
[SPEAKER_00]: That turns it into the must, then we start taking action.
0:05
[SPEAKER_00]: And by then, you guys, it's like, I don't want to say it's too late, but it's so freaking hard.
0:10
[SPEAKER_00]: Do it before it gets hard, but I know.
0:12
[SPEAKER_00]: But when we realize that starting over doesn't have to be as horrible as we make it in our head and it doesn't have to be something as dreaded as we think it is.
0:25
[SPEAKER_00]: You take steps and actions to change your life for the rest of your life and I know it's hard and that's when you got to reach out because it is hard to do by yourself.
0:33
[SPEAKER_00]: We're crew to friend get a coach, join the program like whatever, but it's extremely extremely difficult to move and make decisions when it's just you.
0:58
[SPEAKER_00]: Welcome to the Bond Life Podcast where fitness, vines, and real talk collide.
1:02
[SPEAKER_00]: This is it just about workouts.
1:03
[SPEAKER_00]: It's about transforming your body, mind, and life.
1:06
[SPEAKER_00]: Get ready for unfiltered conversations, expert advice, and the motivation you need to level up in every way.
1:26
[SPEAKER_00]: Hey everyone, welcome to the bomb life podcast.
1:30
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm Melissa Vogel, here host, welcome to the show.
1:32
[SPEAKER_00]: It's just me today.
1:34
[SPEAKER_00]: It's another solo episode.
1:36
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm excited to do this.
1:38
[SPEAKER_00]: We're going to kind of dive into a topic that I've been a little hesitant to talk about, just be patient with me.
1:45
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know if there's going to be tears.
1:47
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know.
1:48
[SPEAKER_00]: We're going to see, but I think this episode is going to, I don't know, hit everyone either personally, or maybe it's one of the ones that you pass on to someone, so we'll see.
1:58
[SPEAKER_00]: But I'm excited to...
2:00
[SPEAKER_00]: Leave my comfort zone today, get brave, talk about things, dive in.
2:05
[SPEAKER_00]: But first, welcome.
2:06
[SPEAKER_00]: If you're brand new to this podcast, I'm so happy that you landed on this one.
2:11
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe someone passed it on to you.
2:12
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe you're that person that I'm talking about.
2:14
[SPEAKER_00]: And your friend was like, you need to hear this episode with Melissa or maybe you're just searching maybe for me on social media.
2:21
[SPEAKER_00]: Either way, I'm happy that you're here and connected.
2:23
[SPEAKER_00]: And if you're a returning listener,
2:29
[SPEAKER_00]: So many things going on in this month.
2:32
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm very, very grateful for just how many people have been reaching out and are taking action with their health and fitness.
2:40
[SPEAKER_00]: I just had to say that first because over the last couple months we have had more people join busy to bomb.
2:47
[SPEAKER_00]: We have more people doing one on one coaching, getting programs and just like really being active.
2:52
[SPEAKER_00]: And I know it's that time of year that's, you know, summers over.
2:55
[SPEAKER_00]: We kind of have more routine and people are like,
2:58
[SPEAKER_00]: I need to do something because Summer didn't go so hot and people like get into the mood, and I love that, and I want to teach and help all of you to keep that going all year round, because as gross as this feels to say, the summer months are right around the corner.
3:12
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh my god, I just said the summer months, the holidays are right around the corner.
3:16
[SPEAKER_00]: And we all know what happens during the holidays season, you know?
3:20
[SPEAKER_00]: And then everyone gets ramped up again in January, and it's just such a...
3:24
[SPEAKER_00]: horrible roller coaster to be on and I don't want you guys to be on that roller coaster anymore.
3:27
[SPEAKER_00]: So my goal here is to help everyone realize that like staying fit and healthy and hitting your goals and not getting in huge slums and not having massive highs, either.
3:38
[SPEAKER_00]: No massive highs, no massive lows and just kind of learning to be in the middle somewhere.
3:43
[SPEAKER_00]: It's so just satisfying, it's so healthy and it's just
3:49
[SPEAKER_00]: amazing to get out of that rat race.
3:51
[SPEAKER_00]: If you haven't booked a call with me yet and you're someone who's been listening for a while and you're like, God, should I do it?
3:56
[SPEAKER_00]: Should I not?
3:57
[SPEAKER_00]: Now is the time to my clients that every year.
4:01
[SPEAKER_00]: And I have seen this for years now.
4:02
[SPEAKER_00]: I can literally say that for years now.
4:04
[SPEAKER_00]: My clients that join and get moving in September and October, they show up to the holidays is a whole new person and they don't go in just struggling and then go into like just bucket mode and then January it's a disaster.
4:16
[SPEAKER_00]: They're like near
4:16
[SPEAKER_00]: resolution and then they get caught up in that cycle again.
4:20
[SPEAKER_00]: No, they go into it feeling them their best and then they continue feeling their best through the holidays.
4:25
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like the greatest time of the year, I mean anytime is a great time but it is the greatest in the perfect time of the year to start that fitness journey is right now and if you're listening to this right now current day, it's October.
4:39
[SPEAKER_00]: So you could be listening to this any time.
4:41
[SPEAKER_00]: And if you're listening to this in July of 2026, awesome.
4:45
[SPEAKER_00]: Get going.
4:45
[SPEAKER_00]: It's a perfect time.
4:46
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't wait.
4:47
[SPEAKER_00]: But you know, if you're listening to this present day, yeah, now is your time.
4:51
[SPEAKER_00]: And I've been getting a lot of questions about what busy to bomb is.
4:54
[SPEAKER_00]: That one you guys saw.
4:54
[SPEAKER_00]: It's only for women.
4:55
[SPEAKER_00]: But I do take one on one.
4:57
[SPEAKER_00]: male clients, but busy to buy them as a group program and we work together and you get the workouts and the mindset and the lives and we do live workouts together in yoga and team calls and it's this community of women from all across the country that some have been there for two or three years, some have been there for two or three months, some have been there for two or three weeks and we all work together to keep moving.
5:19
[SPEAKER_00]: I am my biggest client.
5:21
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I use that program more probably than some of my five clients in there.
5:26
[SPEAKER_00]: It is one thing that has helped me re-discover who I am, rebuild my life, which is kind of something that we're gonna talk about today.
5:33
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's been a complete game changer.
5:35
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm the one that runs it and owns it and creates it.
5:38
[SPEAKER_00]: So it's a little weird talking about it.
5:40
[SPEAKER_00]: But if you're someone who's like, you know, I'm kind of on a budget.
5:44
[SPEAKER_00]: I can't do one-on-one coaching because, you know, let's be real.
5:47
[SPEAKER_00]: That's a little bit more expensive, a little costly, a little more costly, but you're like, I need, and I want to do something.
5:53
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
5:54
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
5:55
[SPEAKER_00]: You need to take a look at doing busy to bomb.
5:57
[SPEAKER_00]: So we're going to put the links to all that in the show notes.
5:59
[SPEAKER_00]: Book a call.
5:59
[SPEAKER_00]: You can also go to my website.
6:01
[SPEAKER_00]: It's Melissa Vogel Fitness.com and grab information from there.
6:05
[SPEAKER_00]: And then if you have questions reach out, follow me on Instagram.
6:08
[SPEAKER_00]: It's Melissa Vogel.
6:08
[SPEAKER_00]: You can email me.
6:09
[SPEAKER_00]: It's Melissa Vogel at GMEL.com.
6:11
[SPEAKER_00]: You're not alone on this journey.
6:13
[SPEAKER_00]: And that brings me to the whole topic of today that I wanted to talk about, and today we're going to dive into starting over.
6:21
[SPEAKER_00]: And I did a real on this.
6:24
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know, it was probably a month ago, and it did, it was huge.
6:27
[SPEAKER_00]: And I did a TikTok on it, and it was huge.
6:30
[SPEAKER_00]: So many people reached out from that real, and that TikTok and said me DMs had messaged me and how much it hit them.
6:38
[SPEAKER_00]: I had to do a podcast on this because that fear of starting over, it is so real, it is so strong.
6:47
[SPEAKER_00]: And it will keep you in places and keep you stuck that you should not be in.
6:53
[SPEAKER_00]: And October is domestic violence awareness month.
6:56
[SPEAKER_00]: And I know that being in a relationship that you know isn't healthy, it's not good for you, maybe physically mentally or emotionally, remember abuse and violence isn't just physical.
7:07
[SPEAKER_00]: People stay there and part of it is because they fear starting over.
7:11
[SPEAKER_00]: And that fear of not wanting to start their life over again keeps us stuck in a cycle.
7:19
[SPEAKER_00]: That is not healthy.
7:20
[SPEAKER_00]: It's scary.
7:22
[SPEAKER_00]: It's abusive.
7:23
[SPEAKER_00]: It's wrong.
7:24
[SPEAKER_00]: It's so many things.
7:26
[SPEAKER_00]: So many things you guys.
7:27
[SPEAKER_00]: And it keeps us there.
7:28
[SPEAKER_00]: And I want to bring light to this topic right now because
7:32
[SPEAKER_00]: Starting over, can impact you in a relationship, it can impact you with your nutrition, your fitness.
7:37
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's start with easy stuff with fitness.
7:39
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, and then we'll kind of go into other things because this month I want to continue to bring awareness to domestic violence for sure and get people talking about it.
7:48
[SPEAKER_00]: Have conversations around it with yourself.
7:50
[SPEAKER_00]: But when you're looking at starting over with your fitness journey, oh my god, I can't even tell you how many times I've had to start over.
7:57
[SPEAKER_00]: Mostly because of children, you know, after you have a child, you're just not the same person.
8:01
[SPEAKER_00]: And I've talked about this before on this podcast.
8:03
[SPEAKER_00]: This isn't anything new.
8:04
[SPEAKER_00]: This isn't anything like mind-blowing information, but these are the conversations that we have to have with ourselves often all the time.
8:11
[SPEAKER_00]: And taking that first step is so fucking hard.
8:15
[SPEAKER_00]: And I acknowledge that.
8:17
[SPEAKER_00]: I, if you are experiencing that and you're like up, it is like that's me that's who she's talking about like just no friend like I hear you I see you I have been you and it's hard that first step it triggers you inside like emotionally.
8:33
[SPEAKER_00]: because you're like, I know what I have to do and I just can't get myself to do it.
8:38
[SPEAKER_00]: You know the pain that's going to come, you know, the sacrifice that's going to have to happen because if you're starting over, that means you've done it before.
8:46
[SPEAKER_00]: You already know.
8:47
[SPEAKER_00]: You've done it before.
8:48
[SPEAKER_00]: It didn't go so hot.
8:49
[SPEAKER_00]: Now you're trying it again.
8:50
[SPEAKER_00]: And what if I fail again?
8:52
[SPEAKER_00]: What if people are watching me?
8:54
[SPEAKER_00]: What if people know, maybe I should just stay quiet about it and just not say anything about it?
8:59
[SPEAKER_00]: And everything that's driving you is fear-based because you've already done it.
9:06
[SPEAKER_00]: And with your fitness journey, it's so easy to just not move in the right direction because you're like,
9:14
[SPEAKER_00]: I got 30 pounds to lose.
9:15
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you have any idea how much work that is?
9:17
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you know how much work I have to do?
9:19
[SPEAKER_00]: And I just don't want to.
9:20
[SPEAKER_00]: And then you don't have the motivation to do it either, right?
9:23
[SPEAKER_00]: Zero like I have all this extra weight on.
9:25
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not doing anything to help me.
9:27
[SPEAKER_00]: And now I'm lacking motivation.
9:28
[SPEAKER_00]: So I don't even know how to get myself into the right direction on my own.
9:33
[SPEAKER_00]: And so we just stay because staying where we're at, even though we're not like happy and healthy and we know it's wrong.
9:41
[SPEAKER_00]: Like we know this, we'll stay there because it's just not bad enough to like truly impact our life.
9:48
[SPEAKER_00]: Like yeah, I'm overweight.
9:50
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, this sucks.
9:51
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I have knee pain.
9:52
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I have back pain and no one will do anything in no one changes.
9:56
[SPEAKER_00]: until you hit rock bottom or like everything you're like, I should make changes.
10:00
[SPEAKER_00]: I should do this.
10:00
[SPEAKER_00]: I should should should should.
10:02
[SPEAKER_00]: No one makes changes until that should becomes a must.
10:05
[SPEAKER_00]: And you guys have heard me say that before.
10:07
[SPEAKER_00]: I think I took that from a motivational speaker.
10:10
[SPEAKER_00]: I heard that that's not a molestable, low quote.
10:12
[SPEAKER_00]: But it's true.
10:13
[SPEAKER_00]: When that should should we just shut all over the place, that turns it into the must, then we start taking action and by the
10:19
[SPEAKER_00]: Then you guys, it's like, I don't wanna say it's too late, but it's so freaking hard.
10:23
[SPEAKER_00]: Do it before it gets hard, but I know.
10:25
[SPEAKER_00]: But when we realize that starting over doesn't have to be as horrible as we make it in our head, and it doesn't have to be something as dreaded as we think it is.
10:38
[SPEAKER_00]: you take steps and actions to change your life for the rest of your life.
10:42
[SPEAKER_00]: And I know it's hard and that's when you got to reach out because it is hard to do by yourself.
10:46
[SPEAKER_00]: We're crew to friend get a coach, join the program like whatever, but it's extremely extremely difficult to move and make decisions.
10:56
[SPEAKER_00]: when it's just you.
10:57
[SPEAKER_00]: Especially with food too.
10:59
[SPEAKER_00]: Like we haven't even like talked about nutrition because we think we go into this mindset of like, oh, things are going to get taken away for me.
11:06
[SPEAKER_00]: And then I can't do this.
11:06
[SPEAKER_00]: And then I can't live life anymore.
11:08
[SPEAKER_00]: Then I can't enjoy things.
11:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, what am I going to do?
11:10
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to be on another diet again.
11:11
[SPEAKER_00]: You're not like our minds just spiral.
11:13
[SPEAKER_00]: But man, making those nutritional changes alone too, that's tough.
11:17
[SPEAKER_00]: That's really tough to do.
11:19
[SPEAKER_00]: Especially if you're mom and you're in charge of like the grocery shopping and you're
11:24
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, you're in charge of a lot of things and then you try and go make changes and then people fight you on it right and you're like, oh my god, and you don't have anyone in your corner supporting you those are tough choices to make when you're alone and that's why I'm always telling people like recruit someone do this with a group join a program get a coach have a friend jump in with you have your sister have your mom like
11:46
[SPEAKER_00]: the more that you can do this, not alone, the better, the easier will be.
11:52
[SPEAKER_00]: Keep that in mind, just tuck that away.
11:54
[SPEAKER_00]: Now, like I said before, starting over can mean starting over can go into all different directions of your life and a lot of that time that falls into relationships and people stay in terrible relationships or maybe it's just bad and it's not terrible yet, but we know like this isn't right, this isn't quite healthy and we stay there because there's that great fear
12:16
[SPEAKER_00]: of starting over.
12:17
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's like, oh my God, if you're divorced and you've been married for a long time or maybe not married but you've been in a long-term relationship and you're like, I can't do this anymore.
12:27
[SPEAKER_00]: I know I need to leave and to move, but the thought of starting over and that fear is greater.
12:33
[SPEAKER_00]: So you just stay where you're at, even though you're not healthy.
12:36
[SPEAKER_00]: You're not happy.
12:37
[SPEAKER_00]: and we stay there and we catastrophize and we think like, oh, well, if I start over like, what am I going to do with the kids?
12:43
[SPEAKER_00]: What am I going to do with the car?
12:44
[SPEAKER_00]: What am I going to do with the financially?
12:46
[SPEAKER_00]: Where am I going to live?
12:46
[SPEAKER_00]: And all those things are true.
12:47
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't get me wrong.
12:48
[SPEAKER_00]: Those are all things that are real and you will have to work through and discover.
12:53
[SPEAKER_00]: But girl, I'm telling ya, or boy, I'm so for listening, I'm telling you, there is a way.
12:59
[SPEAKER_00]: There is a way to work around that, to figure it out, and it's worth it.
13:03
[SPEAKER_00]: If all of this is impacting your health and your happiness, and if you're a parent, your kids, kids are resilient.
13:10
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not advocating or telling anyone to leave their marriage.
13:13
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not telling anyone to leave their relationship.
13:15
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, no.
13:17
[SPEAKER_00]: Especially if you're married, man.
13:18
[SPEAKER_00]: I've said this before.
13:19
[SPEAKER_00]: There's nothing better than, you know, in a relationship and being married with the other parent to your children, right?
13:26
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, who doesn't want that?
13:28
[SPEAKER_00]: But if it's not working out for you and you have exhausted all, you know, possibilities.
13:35
[SPEAKER_00]: and you've tried and the one thing that's keeping you there is just fear of starting over.
13:41
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that's a whole other thing.
13:45
[SPEAKER_00]: If other things are keeping you there because there is ways to resolve it.
13:48
[SPEAKER_00]: There are, there is hope, you know, things aren't good.
13:51
[SPEAKER_00]: They're not perfect.
13:52
[SPEAKER_00]: But like, you still want to be here.
13:53
[SPEAKER_00]: That's a whole other thing.
13:54
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm talking about just the fear of starting over is what's keeping you there.
13:59
[SPEAKER_00]: And again, that is real.
14:02
[SPEAKER_00]: that is so real.
14:04
[SPEAKER_00]: I stayed in my marriage probably five years longer than I should of because I was so afraid of starting over.
14:11
[SPEAKER_00]: I did not know or see how it could be possible from me going to this happy, healthy marriage to where I was at.
14:22
[SPEAKER_00]: to now wanting to be out of that and be completely on my own.
14:26
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I couldn't wrap my brain around it, and so I would just stay there, and I'd be like, I'd have to start over.
14:32
[SPEAKER_00]: I'd have to start over with everything, everything, like from a new home and figuring that out to finances to freaking the bath towels and the bathroom, and that was exhausting, just thinking about that was exhausting, and so I did nothing.
14:47
[SPEAKER_00]: I stayed in one place.
14:49
[SPEAKER_00]: And, you know, fast forward into the dating world, there are a lot of people that I've had conversations with that will stay in a relationship just because they don't want to enter the dating world.
15:00
[SPEAKER_00]: They're afraid of like, God, I've invested in this human.
15:04
[SPEAKER_00]: I've done things for them.
15:05
[SPEAKER_00]: They've met my kids.
15:07
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, we're here in this situation and
15:11
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to start over.
15:12
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to get on the dating apps.
15:14
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's a fear too for married people, too.
15:16
[SPEAKER_00]: But like, I don't want to get to know someone again.
15:18
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to sleep with someone new.
15:21
[SPEAKER_00]: Identify this.
15:22
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, have conversations with yourself about this and around this journal on this, because if your main reason for staying in any relationship or any situation with your health and fitness or whatever,
15:36
[SPEAKER_00]: It's just because of the fear of the starting over, the fear of the unknown, do check yourself.
15:41
[SPEAKER_00]: Check yourself, because that is not how to live life.
15:45
[SPEAKER_00]: Hey guys, today's episode is brought to you by Simply Greens.
15:49
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15:56
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15:59
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16:01
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16:06
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16:10
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16:11
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16:17
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16:31
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16:37
[SPEAKER_00]: Why gummies?
16:37
[SPEAKER_00]: Because consistency is greater than perfection.
16:40
[SPEAKER_00]: A gummies easier to take.
16:41
[SPEAKER_00]: It's more enjoyable and it helps me stick with it when I feel good.
16:44
[SPEAKER_00]: I show up for my workouts, my family, and my life.
16:47
[SPEAKER_00]: I've totally noticed better energy less brain fog and I feel more grounded in my kids.
16:51
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
16:52
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16:55
[SPEAKER_00]: They go out the door, I hit them, they're gummies, they take them, they go.
16:58
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17:01
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17:06
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17:15
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17:21
[SPEAKER_00]: I think conversations like this, well, it's not a conversation.
17:23
[SPEAKER_00]: It's just me dog and you're listening.
17:24
[SPEAKER_00]: Discussions like the, I don't know.
17:26
[SPEAKER_00]: I keep wanting to say conversations, not discussions, podcasts like this.
17:29
[SPEAKER_00]: Episodes like this, things that you're tuning into are really important to just start thinking about and on cover like am I here for this reason and hope?
17:37
[SPEAKER_00]: am I staying here in my unhealthy situation with my health and fitness journey because, you know, it's not that bad and I could get better.
17:45
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know, like maybe I just make small changes.
17:49
[SPEAKER_00]: Or you're staying in those things because of like, God, I don't want to start over.
17:52
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm just going to stay right here.
17:54
[SPEAKER_00]: And that the whole relationship thing is real.
17:57
[SPEAKER_00]: I can't even tell you how many people I've had conversations with in my personal life with clients that are like, how do I ever do that?
18:04
[SPEAKER_00]: How do we sell the home?
18:05
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to go into the dating world.
18:06
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to do that.
18:07
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm like, dude, are you telling me that the fear of starting over is what's keeping you in place?
18:11
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it is.
18:12
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's ridiculous because everything isn't written in stone yet.
18:18
[SPEAKER_00]: You get to write your future.
18:20
[SPEAKER_00]: You get to decide what happens to you.
18:23
[SPEAKER_00]: would it be hard?
18:24
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
18:24
[SPEAKER_00]: Does it suck?
18:25
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
18:26
[SPEAKER_00]: All of that is temporary.
18:27
[SPEAKER_00]: That pain is temporary.
18:29
[SPEAKER_00]: And you get to rebuild your life, however you want that to look.
18:33
[SPEAKER_00]: And you get to learn from the shit show.
18:36
[SPEAKER_00]: You get to learn from all of the things that kept you stuck on your fitness journey.
18:41
[SPEAKER_00]: All of the things that kept you stuck in a horrible marriage.
18:43
[SPEAKER_00]: You get to grow as an individual, and then you get to grow in a new relationship with that something that you wanted.
18:49
[SPEAKER_00]: Now, going back to kind of what I was saying earlier with Domestic Violence Awareness, and that being the month that we're in right now in October, anyone listening to this, that is experiencing any type of domestic abuse, please know that that comes in all different types of forms.
19:08
[SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't just mean that you were like struck and you have a black eye.
19:13
[SPEAKER_00]: And a lot of people think that it's kind of crazy, like one of the things out of their mouth is like, well, he doesn't hit me, you know, and I'm not just saying it's always guys with girls.
19:23
[SPEAKER_00]: It can definitely go both ways, but me being a female and saying that that just rolls with that is just what rules out of my mouth.
19:30
[SPEAKER_00]: but people think that abuse is just physical abuse that leaves bruises on you and it's not.
19:35
[SPEAKER_00]: There is a show on Netflix called The Made and I watch it with my girls and it's all about this journey of this girl who has a daughter with someone and not once did he hit her.
19:45
[SPEAKER_00]: but the fights and the screaming and the yelling and the throwing things was real and she ended up leaving and she went to a shelter and she was tormented.
19:55
[SPEAKER_00]: It's a hard show to watch but it brought so much awareness and good conversation about what abuse looks like.
20:00
[SPEAKER_00]: What is acceptable and what is not?
20:03
[SPEAKER_00]: What is not okay?
20:04
[SPEAKER_00]: And we got to have a really good conversation around this and what that looks like, what abuse and mental and emotional torture looks like.
20:14
[SPEAKER_00]: If you're in a situation that's domestic violence, I just want everyone to know that enduring that kind of abuse, mental, physical or emotional, once you see signs, once it starts, you're looking at a future of it.
20:31
[SPEAKER_00]: And most of the time it will progress and get worse.
20:35
[SPEAKER_00]: it happened once and never happens again is extremely rare.
20:41
[SPEAKER_00]: I wish I knew this statistic of it.
20:43
[SPEAKER_00]: I looked at it up last week and I forgot it's not anyone I want to quote it because I'll probably get it totally wrong, but that doesn't happen.
20:49
[SPEAKER_00]: And I want to remind everyone that that form of abuse looks different in every situation.
20:56
[SPEAKER_00]: and I just wanted to bring this up because my life drastically took a turn a while back and you guys had heard me kind of talk about if you've been on following and just listening to episodes and stuff you've kind of heard me mention that like something had happened in my life and I wasn't ready to talk about it and I'm still not fully ready to talk about it.
21:15
[SPEAKER_00]: but it did involve a physical assault and I have been hesitant to talk about it for multiple reasons.
21:23
[SPEAKER_00]: There's been multiple reasons that I won't get into.
21:25
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not just like fear, but I want to use my voice and I will a lot more.
21:31
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think this is a great baby step for me, but being involved in this physical attack and assault and then everything that happened after that, it was embarrassing.
21:43
[SPEAKER_00]: it was one of the scariest things I've been through.
21:46
[SPEAKER_00]: It was confusing.
21:49
[SPEAKER_00]: It made me angry.
21:51
[SPEAKER_00]: It made me shocked.
21:53
[SPEAKER_00]: It shamed guilt, all of it.
21:56
[SPEAKER_00]: And I consider myself a pretty well-educated woman.
22:01
[SPEAKER_00]: I have a voice, I am physically strong, I am mentally strong, I have built myself up from some horrible things that have happened in my life.
22:09
[SPEAKER_00]: And then I'm like, oh my
22:12
[SPEAKER_00]: freaking God, how did I end up here?
22:16
[SPEAKER_00]: How did this situation happen to me?
22:19
[SPEAKER_00]: Like someone like me?
22:20
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's so messed up to think because it can happen to anyone.
22:26
[SPEAKER_00]: And what makes me think like, oh, just because like, I'm educated and I'm strong and I'm like, I have a platform and what makes me think that that can't happen to me.
22:36
[SPEAKER_00]: And I was dealing with what I believe my opinion was a true narcissistic situation.
22:44
[SPEAKER_00]: And it turned ugly.
22:47
[SPEAKER_00]: And when I looked back on it, I'm like, that was my fault.
22:51
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, the first thing that comes in is like self blaming.
22:55
[SPEAKER_00]: And then the shame around it, because like I should have known better, maybe that was my fault.
22:59
[SPEAKER_00]: And then the whole maybe I deserved that.
23:03
[SPEAKER_00]: I was warned.
23:04
[SPEAKER_00]: I was told certain things.
23:07
[SPEAKER_00]: And you know what?
23:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, I got what you deserved.
23:11
[SPEAKER_00]: That is so fucked up thinking you guys.
23:14
[SPEAKER_00]: And after everything happened, I had like a trauma brain for a really long time.
23:20
[SPEAKER_00]: I had to spend the entire day in an ER the day after.
23:25
[SPEAKER_00]: And I felt like I was hit by a truck.
23:30
[SPEAKER_00]: like no joke.
23:31
[SPEAKER_00]: Physically, my body felt like it had been through 50 vigorous exercises, like workouts and stuff.
23:39
[SPEAKER_00]: And every time I moved, my body, I was reminded.
23:45
[SPEAKER_00]: I was like reminded of what had just happened and then it just stuck with me for weeks and then I got very confused of like, how did I let this happen?
23:57
[SPEAKER_00]: The guilt came in because I'm like, now my kids know that this happened.
24:01
[SPEAKER_00]: There was just so much around it and I'm sharing what I
24:11
[SPEAKER_00]: that anger and what happened would not have been a one time situation.
24:18
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think statistically speaking, it takes, I think it's like eight or ten times for a woman to leave.
24:25
[SPEAKER_00]: And I did not want
24:35
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, maybe it wasn't that bad like me, you know, and I know people on the outside listen and they're like, how could you possibly think that?
24:44
[SPEAKER_00]: But when you have trauma brain and when you are everything is so foggy and then the pain in the bruises start to leave your body, you're like, maybe no, and I'm bringing that part up because if it wasn't for the people that I surrounded
25:03
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know what I would have done and got it so crazy talking about this.
25:09
[SPEAKER_00]: That's one of the reasons why I was saying earlier that it's so important to have people in your life to help you move forward when you're afraid of starting over, when you're afraid of creating that change.
25:22
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know if I would have left a bad situation had I not had the people surround me and keep reminding me of what I experienced wasn't right that I didn't deserve that.
25:37
[SPEAKER_00]: They were like coaches.
25:39
[SPEAKER_00]: they were my angels at that time, and it's so important to surround yourself when you are in just a crappy situation, whether that's got 30 pounds to lose, or a crappy situation of like, I'm in a really bad relationship, or I'm addicted to food, it doesn't matter.
25:57
[SPEAKER_00]: Whatever your crappy situation is, it is so important to put people around you to help you keep moving forward.
26:06
[SPEAKER_00]: And without those people around me, I don't know what I would have done.
26:09
[SPEAKER_00]: It's scary to think of like what I could have allowed to happen.
26:13
[SPEAKER_00]: And I have to remove the shame around this because I know there are people listening right now going, oh my god that's me or that was me or that's my sister or you know people can relate and you know how real that shame is and that guilt and that will keep you stuck.
26:32
[SPEAKER_00]: And then also when you are in a
26:35
[SPEAKER_00]: And things are crappy that fear of starting over, if like, yeah, well, maybe this isn't as bad as starting over and meeting someone else who could be worse or
26:49
[SPEAKER_00]: do other things or like maybe this is like on the scale of bad things maybe this is a five and I can deal with the five because if I go out into the wilder if I start over at some point you know I could run into an eight not know and then end up all here again like we just write stories in our head and we just like I know we we we tell ourselves things that are just pure lies sometimes and when you put the right people in your life they pull
27:18
[SPEAKER_00]: And they help you see, no, that's not true, and what you're saying isn't true, and they help call you out.
27:26
[SPEAKER_00]: And again, this is why I'm saying, put people in your life to help you stay on track.
27:32
[SPEAKER_00]: One day, I will tell my full story.
27:36
[SPEAKER_00]: I still hold on to guilt and shame, and I'm working through it.
27:39
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't hold on to it as much.
27:40
[SPEAKER_00]: I was in therapy immediately after, oh geez.
27:45
[SPEAKER_00]: It was, I don't know, it was a while ago.
27:47
[SPEAKER_00]: You guys heard me talk about infrared light and we had Penny on, and I was talking about my elbow and how one of those infrared light pads of hers that I started using, my elbow was dislocated during that physical attack.
28:02
[SPEAKER_00]: when I landed on it, it popped it back in place and it just was never the same again.
28:07
[SPEAKER_00]: And that was just this constant reminder of it, too.
28:11
[SPEAKER_00]: And because of Penny and because of that device, like my elbow was like healed.
28:17
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, it's completely better.
28:18
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't, I don't even have a problem with it anymore.
28:20
[SPEAKER_00]: It's been like amazing, but just telling pieces of my story has helped.
28:26
[SPEAKER_00]: sharing a little bit at a time has helped.
28:29
[SPEAKER_00]: It was very therapeutic for me to just even say like at my elbow was injured and then it started using something to help it and now I'm here and I'm sharing that because that was like baby steps for me and I'm really, really big on baby steps and how important it is to just take little steps in the right direction.
28:48
[SPEAKER_00]: having a conversation as a great baby step, whether we're talking about, again, like your health and fitness journey, or if we're having a conversation around what you might be considering abuse in your home or your relationship.
29:00
[SPEAKER_00]: And you're like, I am not sure.
29:03
[SPEAKER_00]: And the mind games are real.
29:05
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, that's part of gaslighting is making you doubt your own reality in your own truth.
29:13
[SPEAKER_00]: And a real partner or someone who really does love you and supports you in your life, they would be going, okay, tell me more about how you feel.
29:21
[SPEAKER_00]: How does that feel?
29:22
[SPEAKER_00]: I made you feel that way.
29:24
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, let's talk about that.
29:25
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's communicate about that.
29:26
[SPEAKER_00]: Because that was not my intention to make you feel that way.
29:29
[SPEAKER_00]: Or, well, this is how I remember it happening.
29:31
[SPEAKER_00]: This is how you remember it happening.
29:32
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, let's figure this out.
29:34
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm sorry for my role in that.
29:36
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, my God, I didn't realize how much I hurt you, not, hey, this is what I remember.
29:43
[SPEAKER_00]: This is what you did.
29:44
[SPEAKER_00]: That's not true.
29:46
[SPEAKER_00]: That didn't happen.
29:47
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't care what you remember.
29:49
[SPEAKER_00]: That's gaslighting.
29:50
[SPEAKER_00]: And we talked about that before on episodes with narcissists, but that's normal for you to start questioning your truth and your reality.
29:57
[SPEAKER_00]: So sharing things with other people that you trust and being like, hey,
30:02
[SPEAKER_00]: This is happening.
30:02
[SPEAKER_00]: This is going on.
30:04
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not sure if I am crazy.
30:06
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not sure if I have ground to stand on right now.
30:10
[SPEAKER_00]: That's a baby step.
30:12
[SPEAKER_00]: Again, it's just domestic violence awareness month.
30:15
[SPEAKER_00]: It's just bringing awareness to it.
30:17
[SPEAKER_00]: And I say the same thing and do the same thing with your health and fitness journey.
30:20
[SPEAKER_00]: Baby steps.
30:21
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's just talk about it.
30:22
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's just talk about like your goals and your dreams and in what you want to accomplish.
30:26
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's just start walking.
30:27
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's just do baby things, baby steps, right?
30:30
[SPEAKER_00]: So this was a huge baby step for me.
30:32
[SPEAKER_00]: And when I was questioning that relationship and stuff, it was very scary to think, like, oh my god, am I going to start over again?
30:43
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, really?
30:44
[SPEAKER_00]: So,
30:46
[SPEAKER_00]: I know there's a lot of pauses in this episode.
30:48
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm like breathing and talking about things.
30:51
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm very proud of myself that I didn't cry.
30:53
[SPEAKER_00]: Not that crying is bad, but on the mic, it's hard when if you guys can't see me, and then there's just like gaps there, me like, it makes it difficult.
31:01
[SPEAKER_00]: So I'm happy that I got through it because
31:04
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, after this happened, the tears just came all the time.
31:07
[SPEAKER_00]: And I couldn't figure out what was up and what was down.
31:11
[SPEAKER_00]: But I just want to bring awareness to this.
31:14
[SPEAKER_00]: This isn't, I don't know, we're not making major changes right now.
31:18
[SPEAKER_00]: I just want to bring awareness to
31:21
[SPEAKER_00]: if there is fear of starting over and how that's ruling your life, how it's guiding your life, how it's keeping you stuck, how is that impacting you, start having awareness around it.
31:32
[SPEAKER_00]: And I figured that, you know, domestic violence awareness month was a great place to start because, again, we stay in relationships because of just fear of starting over.
31:41
[SPEAKER_00]: We will go back to things because we're just afraid of starting over.
31:44
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, maybe it's easier to repair this than going way out into the jungle again.
31:49
[SPEAKER_00]: And we do it with our health and fitness and maybe it's easier to just be here and just accept this is the wife that I'm gonna live Because you know, I'm just like my mom or my grandma and they're fine like whatever I mean, that's easier than like God going to the gym five days Look at I have time to do that.
32:04
[SPEAKER_00]: What changing my grocery shopping eating getting a coach working out doing a program I ain't got time for that.
32:10
[SPEAKER_00]: It's real
32:11
[SPEAKER_00]: Those fears are real, and I'm telling you, the starting over piece, it's so worth it.
32:18
[SPEAKER_00]: There is hope on the other side of that rainbow.
32:21
[SPEAKER_00]: There is brighter skies.
32:23
[SPEAKER_00]: It's beautiful.
32:24
[SPEAKER_00]: It's absolutely beautiful.
32:26
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm here to encourage all of you to take a look at your life of like what needs to change, but isn't because you're afraid of taking those first steps.
32:36
[SPEAKER_00]: That's all.
32:37
[SPEAKER_00]: Bring awareness to it.
32:38
[SPEAKER_00]: All right, everyone, time to wrap up on the mic and continue on my day.
32:43
[SPEAKER_00]: As always, I'm here to help.
32:44
[SPEAKER_00]: Go to the show notes, click the links, and book a call, and thank you.
32:49
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you for listening and allowing me to discuss things that have been heavy for me and giving me this time and platform and listening so far.
32:58
[SPEAKER_00]: And thank you for being listener on this show.
33:01
[SPEAKER_00]: It means the world to me.
33:02
[SPEAKER_00]: And one day, I will tell my full story.
33:05
[SPEAKER_00]: And for now, I'm going to take baby steps and I'm going to encourage you guys to do the same.
33:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Stay safe, stay healthy, until next time.