Latest / The MODERN YIN Podcast / Playing The Stillness Game & Why It's So Hard To Slow Down After 40

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Playing The Stillness Game & Why It's So Hard To Slow Down After 40 · The MODERN YIN Podcast

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  Hey, hey, Yinning at Life Gang. It's Kimberly Roberts, your host
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  here, and I'm so excited to deliver little bits of insight
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  on living your best, most extraordinary life with, of
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  course, yin yoga, traditional Chinese medicine, reflexology
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  and even mindset acts. So thank you so much for
• 0:27
  pressing play on today's episode.
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  Let's do this. Hey there, Yinning at Life Gang.
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  It is Kimberly Roberts here, and I am back for another episode.
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  So I want to talk about the art of slowing the F down, finding
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  calm and learning to trust the wisdom that is already inside of
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  you. And I will tell you when you're
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  over the age of 40, you're like done with the hustling, the
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  being super stressed out and not trusting yourself.
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  Like who is done with that phase, right?
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  I am, and I'm sure there's lots of you out there that are
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  listening to this, thinking, yeah, I'm either there or you
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  know what? I kind of want to be there and I
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  need just a little bit of help. So go ahead, pour yourself a cup
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  of tea or a latte or a kombucha, whatever floats your boat.
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  Find your cozy corner on your couch and give me a hot few
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  minutes here to talk about this subject stillness, why it feels
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  so hard and even uncomfortable. And this is something that
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  actually comes up a lot in my yin yoga classes that I teach on
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  my app, the Soulful Yin Yoga App.
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  And it's also conversations that I have with some of my patients
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  in my reflexology business. And I'll tell you that you know
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  what, it's OK. We're really, we're really OK
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  with this. And I'm going to explain why
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  stillness feels so hard and it's so uncomfortable because you
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  might not know this yet, but the reason why stillness feels so
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  hard has nothing to do with you not being good at relaxing.
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  It's not that your mind is broken or that you're too busy
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  or that you just don't have that quote UN quote right mindset.
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  It has nothing to do with any of that.
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  You know what it has to do with your nervous system, that
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  beautiful, intelligent body and nervous system that's always
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  just trying to protect you. OK.
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  And I'm going to dive a little deeper in this so you can get
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  some context. You see, we've spent so many
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  years in motion and especially if you're over 40, you've really
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  done it. The rushing, the doing, the
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  producing, the caring for everybody else, right?
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  The hustle culture, like I talked about that a lot in one
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  of my previous podcast episodes. It was all about how to break
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  free from the hustle culture, right?
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  Especially when you're over 40. Because let's face it, at this
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  point in life, we've had a lot of practice and we've pretty
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  much nailed it to a tee on the hustling, right?
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  And that kind of movement becomes the way we feel all the
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  time. I got to push.
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  I got to force. I got to do.
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  I got to do, and I got to do. And so when we first stop, when
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  we actually take time to rest or we drop into stillness, whether
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  it's in a yin yoga class, whether it's doing breath work
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  or meditation, it can actually feel unsafe to your nervous
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  system at first. Yeah, your nervous system is
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  going to go, whoa, wait a minute.
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  We're slowing down. We're pausing, We're getting
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  still. What's this all about?
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  Not used to that danger, right? Because again, your nervous
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  system is there to protect you and it doesn't, like, change.
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  And so it thinks that what we're doing, being still and pausing
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  is actually a bad thing at first.
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  Let me just tell you that at first, OK?
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  Stick with me here because you're going to get it.
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  That stillness starts to bring up everything we've been holding
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  down and shoving into ourselves. Emotions, fatigue, thoughts we
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  haven't processed. It's kind of like we've just
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  been sweeping all the dust under the carpet, right?
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  And all of a sudden it's like you're looking at the carpet and
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  there's this massive bump in it and you're like, what the F is
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  this? And so all of that feels so
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  uncomfortable, and it takes courage, and it's uncomfortable,
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  so we don't want to do it. But here's the thing.
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  The only way you're going to train your nervous system from
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  feeling unsafe is to actually start being still more often.
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  It's like, I'm going to give you a completely different analogy
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  here. You're looking at your biceps
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  and you're like, yeah, I could really, I really want some
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  defined biceps, right? Like I want some strength.
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  I want to be able to like, you know, like curl my bicep in and
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  see that little lump, right? That little bump and that line,
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  right? We all want that line.
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  I know I do anyway. But if I just stare at the
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  weights and I don't do anything, or if I pick them up and I go,
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  oh, no, no, no, this is going to be too hard to put them back
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  down, guess what? Am I going to get to find
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  biceps? No, so I start, I pick him up
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  and maybe the first few times I like, you know, do you know, 8
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  wraps, 3 times, like 2 lbs each, right?
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  And I'm just starting. I'm building momentum, right?
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  Eventually it starts to get easier and easier and easier.
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  And then I start to see change. I'm looking at my bicep and I'm
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  like, what? Look at that.
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  There's a little bit of a definition happening there.
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  And so it's the same thing with training your bicep is the same
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  thing as training your mind that stillness is safe.
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  Training your nervous system, that stillness is safe.
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  So I want to talk a little bit about a personal story, a
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  personal reflection of mine. So the first time that I ever
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  did yen, it was quote UN quote by accident because I thought I
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  was going to my regular Ashtanga class, but it changed and I
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  didn't realize it. And so I'm in the class and I'm
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  like looking around and I'm like, why is everybody just
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  sitting there? And then the teacher walks in
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  and it's like, OK, and now we're going to, you know, like she
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  starts the class and she's like, yeah.
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  And we're going to start with Tadpole.
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  And I'm like tadpole. I'm like, I'm thinking to
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  myself, this is Ashtanga series one.
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  We're supposed to be standing up here.
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  I thought, well, it's a substitute teacher.
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  Maybe she's just, you know, like starting off things a little
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  different. So I was like, I'm going to roll
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  with it, right? I'm in the class.
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  I'm not going to get up and leave.
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  That's just rude. So I'm like, OK, I'll just go
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  with it. So there we are.
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  We're in tadpole, AKA widening child's pose.
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  And it's like, you know, a couple of minutes and I'm like,
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  what the heck's happening? Like 2 minutes here, Like hello,
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  no, 3 minutes rolls around. Finally 5 minutes rolls around,
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  we come out and I'm like, OK, I guess she just wanted to settle
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  us in. Next thing I know, we're moving
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  into another yen pose and another yen pose and another yen
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  pose. And I'm like, OK, I'm clearly
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  not in an Ashtanga class. I don't know what this is.
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  So you know what? I'm just going to roll with it.
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  So I thought, I really don't know what this is all about, but
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  I'm going to embrace being still for whatever length of time it
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  is because it seems like we're holding these poses like
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  forever. So I allowed the stillness even
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  though I had no like concept, no idea what was happening.
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  I'm like, OK, I'm here. I'm, I'm, I'm going to be here.
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  And after a few more poses, I was like, I had this moment.
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  I call it like a light bulb moment.
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  I was like, Oh my God, I don't know if I can just be here.
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  Like everything in me wanted to move.
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  I wanted to fix. I wanted to fidget, I wanted to
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  check my watch. Like I wanted to look around the
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  room. It was like I wanted to do
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  everything but be still. And because I didn't know what
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  kind of class I was in, that just added to the complexity of
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  like, why am I being still? Why can't I move around now?
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  Keep in mind I had been practicing yoga for about 10
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  years at that point, and I never did yen before.
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  So I was always doing like Ashtanga.
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  I was doing vinyasa flow or like, you know, like a like a
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  gentle half a class or something.
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  I even did power yoga. I did hot yoga.
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  So I never did yen. So I was like, I don't even know
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  what this stillness is about. This is like disturbing me,
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  right? And then it hit me.
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  I was like, wait a minute. This isn't about my body being
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  tight. Oh, I'm starting to feel things
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  like emotions are coming up, thoughts are coming up.
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  And I realized, and this was probably about like an hour into
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  the 90 minute class because back then classes were all 90
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  minutes. And I was like, Oh my God, I'm
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  holding on to so much. I'm like, this is exhausting.
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  I'm exhausted. I'm tired of holding on all
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  these thoughts, all this stress, all this anxiety, all this
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  worry, all this anger. Like I was in an abusive
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  marriage at the time to an alcoholic.
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  And let me tell you, between trying to navigate him and help
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  him try to get better. And then of course, I was in the
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  corporate world back then with an extremely high stress job,
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  and I was like, I was holding onto a lot.
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  And in that moment I realized stillness isn't passive.
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  There's nothing about it being passive.
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  It's about deeply and quietly being powerful.
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  It is a deep, quiet, powerful concept.
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  Stillness. It's that moment when we can
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  stop running from ourselves and we can start remembering who we
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  actually are beneath all that noise.
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  Right between all the chaotic moments, the stillness allows us
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  to come back and go. I know who I am.
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  And you know what? I was hooked after that.
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  And I've been practicing yin now for like over 30 years.
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  I've been teaching yin for like 25 years because I will tell you
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  after that one practice I was hooked.
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  And I was like, I want to practice more, but I was like,
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  this is what I want to teach. And I was already a teacher at
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  the time, but I was teaching like hatha and flow and hot yoga
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  and I was like, that's not what I want to teach anymore.
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  I want to teach yen, so here's a little emotional insight for
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  you. You might not know this yet.
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  In fact, I'm pretty sure most of you don't know this yet, and
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  that's OK. But the reason why stillness
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  feels so hard is because it's the space where healing begins.
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  It's like your body is kind of quietly whispering to you.
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  I finally have your attention now, and I'll tell you when you
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  get to that space, that energy, that vibration, that frequency
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  of that, it can bring up tears, restlessness, boredom, right?
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  And it's all OK because this is all part of the unwinding.
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  And let me put a little bit of traditional Chinese medicine
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  spin on this for you, OK? We say in Chinese medicine that
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  yin energy is the energy of stillness, coolness, reflection,
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  and it balances our Yang energy, the doing, the moving, the
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  achieving, right? Yin and Yang, you need both.
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  But the reality is in our world and in this hustle culture, most
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  of us are living on Yang OverDrive.
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  It's like, where is the yin? I'm all Yang and trust me, I
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  know that vibe. I know that vibe of all Yang,
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  right? And I think honestly, I swear to
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  God, like I do truly believe in a higher power.
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  So universe, God, source, whatever you want to call it.
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  That day I landed in that yin class and I didn't know it.
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  That was a gift from the universe, a gift from the
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  universe that was not only meant for me to experience, but for me
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  to share with other people and to impact thousands of people
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  over the age of 40. To realize that you know what,
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  it's time to start getting out of that Yang energy, and it's
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  time to start coming into your yin energy.
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  And with that time and the more often you're there, it's going
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  to start to feel like you're coming back home to yourself.
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  So if you've ever found yourself lying in Shavasana thinking, oh
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  God, I can't stop my mind. I'm thinking about this.
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  Is Shavasana over yet? Like, or you're maybe you're
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  sitting in meditation and it's the same thing, right?
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  You're like, I just want to get up and I want to do something
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  right. There's nothing wrong with you.
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  You're not being bad at being still.
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  You're just learning to trust the quiet again.
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  And you're you're learning to basically embrace the stillness.
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  And every time that you choose to pause, even for like 1
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  mindful breath, OK, you're teaching your nervous system
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  that it's OK that it is safe to rest.
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  Just like when you're training your biceps.
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  That's the real practice here. So today, I invite you to take
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  one small yin moment for yourself.
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  Maybe you're going to take 3 slow breaths with your eyes
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  closed before you open up that phone first thing in the
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  morning. Because let's face it, the
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  minute we, well, a lot of us, we don't even get out of bed.
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  The phone's right beside the bed, right?
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  We pick up the phone first. So try taking 3 slow, mindful
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  breaths, or try sitting with your tea or your latte or your
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  coffee and actually tasting it. Not just like hoovering it down
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  your mouth to get that quick shot of like caffeine, but
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  actually mindfully enjoy it. Because you might not know this
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  yet, but those tiny quiet moments are where you're
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  starting to reclaim your calm, your clarity, your courage, and
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  your stillness. And that's what this journey,
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  this yinning at life is all about.
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  Learning to balance your yin and your Yang.
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  Stepping out of the culture of hustling and doing more and
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  spending more time discovering who you are truly meant to be.
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  And let's face it, after 40, absolutely Hallelujah.
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  We want this, right? So take a deep breath in and a
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  long breath out. Until next time, remember, try
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  taking a couple more breaths. Be gentle with yourself and
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  remember this calm isn't something you find, it's
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  something that you allow. There is something that is so
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  incredible that's happening in the Soulful Yin world right now.
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  The Soulful Yin Yoga App. An app that is designed to serve
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  people over 40 who are craving calm, who are craving better
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  sleep, who are craving ease in their body, in their minds and
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  in their lives. Who want deep flexibility and
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  mobility in their body, Who want to feel good in their body, Who
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  want to live a life that is beyond extraordinary at the age
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  of 40 and way beyond into that 50s, sixties, even the 80's.
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  The soulful Yin app. I invite you to come in, join
• 18:54
  the membership and start to explore and discover how Yin
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  Yoga along with reflexology, acupressure, breath work,
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  meditation, and even very exclusive Yin Yoga series that
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  are all designed for people over 40 who are craving that simple,
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  peaceful life. Thanks so much again for
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  pressing play on today's episode.
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  I look forward to seeing you in the next one.