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Cultivate Emotional Intelligence · WholeHeart Conversations

• 0:00
  Constance Lavonice: Last week, we talked about the value of humility through lessons learned from Abigail.
• 0:08
  Constance Lavonice: The story of Abigail is found in the book of 1 Samuel, chapter 25, and if you haven't read it, I encourage you to read it.
• 0:19
  Constance Lavonice: Not only was Abigail humble, which positioned her to receive from God, but Abigail was also discerning, wise, and intelligent, intellectually and emotionally.
• 0:37
  Constance Lavonice: Abigail had what's referred to as emotional intelligence, a term first mentioned in a 1964 research paper by clinical psychologist Michael Beldock.
• 0:53
  Constance Lavonice: Emotional intelligence is the ability to manage emotions effectively.
• 1:01
  Constance Lavonice: Your own emotions and the emotions of others.
• 1:09
  Constance Lavonice: You're able to identify and monitor emotions.
• 1:14
  Constance Lavonice: Research shows that people with high emotional intelligence perform better professionally, and they are more effective leaders.
• 1:27
  Constance Lavonice: And this is the part that I like as a mental health professional.
• 1:32
  Constance Lavonice: Higher emotional intelligence lowers stress levels, improves health and well-being, and fosters resilience.
• 1:45
  Constance Lavonice: Welcome back.
• 1:47
  Constance Lavonice: If you're new here, thank you for joining.
• 1:51
  Constance Lavonice: You are listening to Whole Heart Conversations, a podcast for women discussing biblical faith, mental health, and whole heart, spirit, soul, and body resilience.
• 2:06
  Constance Lavonice: I'm your host, Constance Lavonice.
• 2:10
  Constance Lavonice: Abigail's emotional intelligence stemmed from her wisdom and discernment.
• 2:18
  Constance Lavonice: Proverbs 9:10 says, the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.
• 2:27
  Constance Lavonice: Abigail had a reverence for God.
• 2:31
  Constance Lavonice: She knew that there was a God, and she knew what God had spoken about David through the prophet Samuel.
• 2:42
  Constance Lavonice: Abigail knew God's word.
• 2:46
  Constance Lavonice: Additionally, David praised the Lord and blessed Abigail for her discernment, the ability to comprehend beyond the obvious.
• 3:01
  Constance Lavonice: And as a result of Abigail's discernment, she was able to act with calmness and intention to de-escalate a highly emotionally charged situation and obtain a favorable and fruitful outcome.
• 3:24
  Constance Lavonice: As Christian women, God wants us to have a relationship with Him, to know Him, commune with Him, and to glorify, which means honor, exalt, reflect His character, glorify Him in all we do.
• 3:48
  Constance Lavonice: So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.
• 3:58
  Constance Lavonice: The good news is when we accepted Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior, we now have a spiritual helper, the Holy Spirit, who is the source of all wisdom and knowledge.
• 4:20
  Constance Lavonice: This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person.
• 4:28
  Constance Lavonice: The old life is gone.
• 4:31
  Constance Lavonice: A new life has begun.
• 4:34
  Constance Lavonice: 2 Corinthians 5, 17.
• 4:38
  Constance Lavonice: Your new person.
• 4:40
  Constance Lavonice: We have a new spirit.
• 4:44
  Constance Lavonice: The same spirit that raised Jesus from the dead is available.
• 4:50
  Constance Lavonice: If we appropriate it, take hold of it.
• 4:56
  Constance Lavonice: How do we learn to take hold of our emotions in a manner that lowers our stress levels, fosters better physical and mental wellness, healthier relationships, and support resilience.
• 5:18
  Constance Lavonice: It starts with self-awareness, being aware of who we are, being able to identify our emotions.
• 5:30
  Constance Lavonice: Why are they there at that moment?
• 5:34
  Constance Lavonice: What are they trying to tell us?
• 5:37
  Constance Lavonice: Emotions are not bad.
• 5:40
  Constance Lavonice: They were created by God.
• 5:42
  Constance Lavonice: It's what we do with our emotions or how we interpret the emotions of others that can be problematic, harmful, or just not in your best interest.
• 5:57
  Constance Lavonice: Secondly, we don't have to be guided by our emotions.
• 6:03
  Constance Lavonice: That's emotionally reasoning.
• 6:07
  Constance Lavonice: When we reason emotionally, we do it in the absence of the thinking rational, connecting the thoughts part of the brain, and we usually react in a manner that's harmful or not beneficial to ourselves or others.
• 6:29
  Constance Lavonice: God's desire for us is to have a sound mind.
• 6:34
  Constance Lavonice: First Timothy one, seven.
• 6:38
  Constance Lavonice: Not having our thinking fragmented by our emotions.
• 6:45
  Constance Lavonice: Self-awareness means being able to recognize emotions, just being able to identify them.
• 6:55
  Constance Lavonice: What emotion am I experiencing?
• 6:59
  Constance Lavonice: Recognizing that emotions are not bad.
• 7:05
  Constance Lavonice: Emotions provide valuable information for decisions that we are constantly making.
• 7:16
  Constance Lavonice: Our emotions provide an opportunity for us to make a wise choice that's helpful or beneficial to us and others.
• 7:29
  Constance Lavonice: Our emotions influence our thoughts, and thoughts influence our behaviors.
• 7:36
  Constance Lavonice: Proverbs chapter 4, 23 says, guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.
• 7:49
  Constance Lavonice: It, your emotions, thinking, your inner being.
• 7:57
  Constance Lavonice: Guard or protect.
• 8:00
  Constance Lavonice: Take care of it.
• 8:03
  Constance Lavonice: Pay attention to what you allow into it.
• 8:09
  Constance Lavonice: If you notice anger frequently, anger tends to push people away.
• 8:18
  Constance Lavonice: Fearful?
• 8:21
  Constance Lavonice: Fearfulness tends to restrict us.
• 8:27
  Constance Lavonice: Depressed.
• 8:30
  Constance Lavonice: Depression tends to isolate.
• 8:35
  Constance Lavonice: It's important to recognize that our emotions always carry a chemical reaction.
• 8:45
  Constance Lavonice: If you're happy and joyful, you produce calming, feel-good neurotransmitters, such as dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin.
• 8:58
  Constance Lavonice: If you're sad, mad, angry, you release stress hormones like cortisol, adrenaline, and noradrenaline, which causes the fight, flight, freeze response.
• 9:17
  Constance Lavonice: And when it's chronic and long term, it can affect the major organ systems of your body, your cardiovascular system, nervous system, digestive system, immune system, reproductive system.
• 9:36
  Constance Lavonice: And this chronic fight or flight freeze response, the stress response can lead to health conditions and mental health challenges like depression and anxiety.
• 9:53
  Constance Lavonice: Thirdly, it's not just important to have self-awareness, recognize emotions, but also to self-regulate, which is another term for manage your emotions and mediate the unhelpful or negative effects that emotional responses can have.
• 10:25
  Constance Lavonice: Many people experience burnout, mental and relationship strain, because they are unable to regulate their emotions, to maintain a sense of balance.
• 10:38
  Constance Lavonice: Are you reacting or responding?
• 10:43
  Constance Lavonice: Reacting happens impulsively or unconsciously.
• 10:50
  Constance Lavonice: However, responding is deliberate and intentional.
• 10:58
  Constance Lavonice: As Christians, we have the fruit of the Spirit, and one is self-control, which means that we can learn to respond deliberately and intentionally.
• 11:13
  Constance Lavonice: One of the ways we can self-regulate is by simply breathing.
• 11:21
  Constance Lavonice: Take a moment to pause and breathe.
• 11:25
  Constance Lavonice: Bring your thinking brain back online.
• 11:29
  Constance Lavonice: Next, we can pay attention to our bodily responses.
• 11:36
  Constance Lavonice: What informs you that you're experiencing a particular emotion?
• 11:42
  Constance Lavonice: Do you have a knot in your stomach when you're anxious?
• 11:48
  Constance Lavonice: A headache?
• 11:50
  Constance Lavonice: When you're angry, shallow breathing, tensing of your muscles?
• 11:58
  Constance Lavonice: What do these physical symptoms tell you about your emotions?
• 12:07
  Constance Lavonice: And then what do you need to calm or soothe those emotions and still be able to think rationally and clearly?
• 12:20
  Constance Lavonice: Learn to manage and practice managing your emotions.
• 12:26
  Constance Lavonice: You can read books.
• 12:29
  Constance Lavonice: There are a lot of books out on identifying emotions, emotional management, or emotional regulation.
• 12:40
  Constance Lavonice: You can get a coach or a counselor.
• 12:44
  Constance Lavonice: But first ask God to show you, reveal to you if this is an area where you can use some help.
• 12:55
  Constance Lavonice: Once you learn to manage your own emotions, you can use this information to understand others and improve your overall wellness.
• 13:06
  Constance Lavonice: The good news is that we all have a level of emotional intelligence.
• 13:13
  Constance Lavonice: Emotional intelligence can be learned.
• 13:17
  Constance Lavonice: If you want to know if your emotional intelligence needs improvement, there are free online emotional intelligence or EQ test.
• 13:29
  Constance Lavonice: I'm sure Abigail had a certain sense of fear and trepidation as she approached David, but she was able to think clearly with intention, to regulate her emotions, and in turn to help co-regulate David's emotions to obtain a favorable fruitful outcome.
• 13:58
  Constance Lavonice: Let's walk in that same spirit, ladies.
• 14:02
  Constance Lavonice: And if this message resonated with you, subscribe and share with a friend, and text the show and let me know what's on your heart.