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Heartbeat Moments: Making Change Simple and Possible · #BeMoreLobster

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Simplifying transformation.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if this should be the title of the podcast or not, because in absolute transparency, this conversation is a little bit self-indulgent because it's just been things that have been really bobbing around in my mind the last couple of days.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I thought about how can I make this relevant to you?
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: How can I make this align with seeking simplicity?
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I realized that the whole conversation going in my head was about making change, transformation, goal setting more simple.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: The reason that feels so important to me is because I have spent so many years eating myself up for not being where I thought I should be, for not being far enough along, for not having achieved enough, for not being enough, doing enough, you know, all the stories.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: So for a change, I gave myself the opportunity to reflect on some of the big changes that I've made in my life.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: What brought me to that heartbeat moment that said, enough is enough.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: Things have to change now.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: Then I thought about the times when I haven't done that and who I was being and what was holding me back.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: And then I created a simple framework for myself that was like, this is what I actually did.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: And it's completely different from the things that I thought I needed to create change and to hit goals.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: If you're still with me, well done.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: But let me just outline what's going to happen.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: When I finish this intro, we're going to dive straight in to some of the big life changes that I made and what I believe was underpinning every single one of them that brought me to that heartbeat moment.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: Tony Robbins says change happens in a heartbeat, but it could take you 20 years to get to that heartbeat.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: So we're going to talk about those heartbeat moments.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: Then I'm going to talk about when you get stuck in that loop of wanting change, but not being able to create it, like what's happening there, because I've been there as well.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: And then I'm going to share these three different perspective shifts, this three-step framework that I feel pretty darn confident is going to make you go, what?
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe I'm blowing my own trumpet, maybe not.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: But you know what?
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: You've got nothing to lose.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: So you know what to do.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: Grab your beverage, let's dive right in.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: So I told you I was thinking about my life.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I've been thinking about some of the big choices that I made that created what I would class as a definite changing trajectory of my life, that changed who I was as a person.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: They were big, bold changes for me in those times.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: And that decision was where my transformation began.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: Not in the outcome that I created from it, but in that decision and who I had to be to execute on that decision.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: Because a lot of these decisions are the ones where you burn the boats.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: There's no going back.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to share those some of those decisions with you now.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: And this is just a little handful of them.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: And then we'll move on.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: So at age 19, when all my friends left school and went to university, I thought, yeah, no, that's not for me.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I hopped on a plane, my first plane ever, and I flew to Australia.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I stayed away for about 18 months.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I traveled some of Australia.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: I did a little bit of America.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: I spent time in Fiji, in New Zealand, had an absolute blast.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: When I was 21, I came home.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: I was 21, I moved to Manchester, which is only 250 miles from where I live.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: But in the UK, 250 miles, it's a pretty long way, particularly when you're leaving your friends and family behind.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: At about 28, I left my marriage with my two children.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: They were about three and four at the time, three and four, four or five, something like that.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: And I chose to become a single parent.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: Shortly after that, I decided to go back to college and I went to university.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: Then in about 2012, I had a part-time job that was paying the bills and, you know, contributing to the household, all the things that I thought were important.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I quit the job to concentrate on building a brand new business as a personal trainer.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: I've had several incarnations of that business, but just before my dad passed away in his last few months, I basically closed the business down because I didn't have the emotional, mental, or physical capacity for it.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: I'd kind of fallen out of love with it a little bit.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I just like, enough is enough.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: When I think about the things that drove me to that heartbeat moment, that the time to leave is now, the time to get on the plane is now, the time to quit the job is now.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: Because don't get that, they didn't just happen overnight.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: There was a there was a timeline to that.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: Some of those decisions were very much driven by curiosity.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: When all my friends went to uni, and I didn't want to study anything enough to go to university, but I did want to see the world.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: Why not?
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: So why not's always been a big driver for me, um, much more than a why.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: Why not?
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: It's been I'm very curiosity driven.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: Lots of those uh decisions came from a place of pain.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: Like I couldn't stay in the marriage anymore.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: Uh I couldn't stay, I actually didn't stay at university because it was pretty horrific, but another story.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: So I left university.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: So there was a lot of pain associated with a lot of those decisions.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: There was in full transparency again a lot of proving.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: You know, well, I'm gonna go to Australia.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: Mm-mm-mm, well, you lot go to university.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: There was this sense of needing to prove myself, needing to be somebody, needing to like to fit in, to be validated, seen, heard, and understood.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: We have that's human need.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: Yet, surrounding all of that, underpinning all of that, holding all that stuff up, there was one thing that I recognized now that I've never seen before.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: And it was that I had this unwavering belief in something else was possible.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't know what a lot of the time I didn't even know what that was.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, I don't think any of the time I actually knew what that was.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just like, I'm done being here, and I know that there is something different available for me, something different is possible for me.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I had never even thought about that or identified that until I sat down to write this morning, and now I'm sharing it with you.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: So, welcome to the show.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: Possibility.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: How could I have missed that?
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: Possibility.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: Then I got to thinking about what keeps me stuck and what keeps my client stuck.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: What keeps them in the narrative that it's not possible for them, that they don't know how, that they can't manage it, that it's going to be too hard, too painful, it's going to take too long.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: What if it doesn't work?
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: What keeps them in that loop?
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: What keeps them in that loop, which has them in this holding pattern where either they're doing nothing, they just stay where they are and they just take the pain of where they are, or they do a couple of different things that bring them back to the same place.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: And those couple of different things tend to look like trying many things, trying to find the one way that's going to take the least amount of time with the least amount of pain and guarantee them a result.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: FYI, that doesn't exist.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: So they will always find themselves back at the same place andor doing nothing.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: The other way is that people are like, I want to get out of this discomfort, or I want to get to that goal so quick that I'm going to do a million things at once.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: And they get overwhelmed, get exhausted, they get burnt out, they hit the floor, and they stop.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: And they start again on Monday, or maybe the Monday after.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: And they come back to the place where they're not doing, or they're just in the same place.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: And when we get into that loop, notice what we'll say about ourselves.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: We'll tell ourselves it's because we're not good enough.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: We don't have the motivation, we don't have the time, we don't have the willpower, we just don't have what other people have.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's just not for someone like us.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: I've had every single one of those conversations in my head.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: Thankfully, touch wood, not anymore.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: But my goodness, they were resident in my head for a very, very, very long time.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: Now, as I wrote this little diagram for myself, I wrote underneath it, using the same thinking is more useless than using the same strategy.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: Because the same strategy with a different attitude is a different strategy.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: Boom.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: Basically, what that means is that if you go around telling yourself how hard this thing is going to be, and you drag that energy around with you, oh, I'm doing this thing, but it's really, really hard.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: Um, that the results you get from executing that strategy are going to be minuscule compared to the results you're going to get when you go, yeah, this is hard and I'm here for it.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, this is hard and I'm training myself for it.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, this is hard and I'm gonna do it anyway.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: Results, boom, amplified.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: That was a little bit of a side note.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: We'll maybe come back to that.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: Let's then look at instead of focusing on what to do, how can you start shifting yourself concepts?
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: How can you start shifting your perspectives?
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: Please make sure that if you haven't listened to it already, you go back and you listen to the episode on the five S's for personal transformation.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: I will put it in the show notes because these two will marry up quite well.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: And it got me to thinking about these three shifts that you want to make.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: So when you're focused on trying to find the one way, right way that's gonna get you where you want to go in the quickest time with the least pain with a guaranteed outcome, you're already losing because you're putting the power of your transformation outside of yourself instead of bringing full personal responsibility and personal power into your body and knowing that when you concentrate on creating the mental, behavioral, and emotional resilience and flexibility, you can freaking do anything, my friend, like literally anything.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: But we're not taught to be the person to execute, we're taught to just go out there, find something, buy something, work with someone, and that will give us the result we want.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: Shift number one is focus on moving the mental noise into embodied clarity.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: The mental noise is the noise that says, you can't, it's too hard, I can't do it, it'll take too long.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: You know, the you know the voice that you just sometimes wish, would you just shut the F up?
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: You know, that voice, that voice that doesn't belong to you, it's not who you are, it's just this program in your head, your program in your body.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of trying to take action whilst carrying around this boom box, if you remember those, with this voice blowing in your ear, let's for a while take some time out and focus on embodying clarity, on remembering who we are, on anchoring into our personal power, on developing a full-body sensation of sufficiency and certainty, from mental noise to embodied clarity.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: Shift number one.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: Shift number two is working from self-doubt to self-trust.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: Again, remember when I said to you the same strategy with a different attitude is a different strategy.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: So you could take something you've already tried before, and you can go, okay, this is what happens when I'm in doubt.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: I'm executing on this thing, I'm trying to improve my marriage, I'm trying to lose weight, I'm trying to, I'm trying to get lean, I'm trying to, you know, build a business, like whatever it is, and let me just take out trying because that doesn't work.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_00: I'm working, I'm building my business, I'm losing weight, I'm doing the thing, I'm doing the thing.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: When that is being executed on a strong self-doubt, you know, part of me wants to just say, gee, there's no point bothering.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_00: Perhaps not the best thing to say, but it's exhausting, isn't it?
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: I've been there and done it.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: When you spend time building your self-trust, building your ability to manage all the emotions, building your resilience to the mental noise, building your ability to to um shift lanes, to to change direction, you know, with that with your behavioral adaptability.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my god, self-trust is bring it on.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: Self-trust is there is nothing you can't give me that I can't handle.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: Shift number three, from overwhelm to ownership.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: Think about the version of you that gets overwhelmed.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: What's happening?
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: When we get overwhelmed, we're thinking about all the things that we could be doing, all the things that we should be doing, all the time that we don't have, all the things that we're not quite sure about, all the things that might happen because.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: So we've just got caught in the mental noise.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: Now we've already started working on the mental noise, so we can come into clarity, and we've already got self-trust.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: So when we do that, we can recognize as we fall into a pattern of overwhelm, and we can stop ourselves and we can go, haha, this is a pattern.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_00: Overwhelm is a choice.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: I can take a breath, I can focus on my one next best step, I can delegate something else, I can say no to something else, and you can come into full ownership.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: What decision can I own now?
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: What next step am I owning now?
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_00: I'm I'm owning my mental state, I'm owning my emotional state, and I'm owning my behaviors.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_00: Then you don't have to have the overwhelm.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_00: When you put this into the context of where you are on your pathway to change, transformation, goals, visions, whatever it is that you want, whether you're in a chosen place of growth and transition, or whether there's a season that's forcing you into it, does it or does it not make you think about diff about it differently?
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: How does it feel for you to recognize that if you could just focus on embodied clarity, self-trust and and um ownership instead of doing all the right things, when you when you've when you've amplified and elevated those skill sets, the strategy will be the easy part.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to finish off on something that I've just heard a few times recently.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_00: Um I used to talk about this a lot many years ago when I first started coaching and I was doing a lot of coaching around money mindset, is this whole concept of alignment.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, I want to stay aligned, I want to stay aligned.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: And what I notice is that oftentimes people have this definition that alignment feels good, and when I'm out of alignment, it feels bad.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: So here's what I want to finish off on.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: The thing that you're doing, the thing feeling hard, doesn't mean it's not aligned and therefore it's wrong any more than it feeling good means that it's aligned and right.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: The way that I can describe that is if someone lights up a cigarette many, many, many years ago as a smoker, and that cigarette after dinner, or that cigarette with a with a glass of wine, and you take that first puff, it felt really good.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think there's any scientific data that's going to tell you that smoking in any way is good for you.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_00: I could say that felt aligned.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: Ooh, this feels amazing.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_00: I'm loving it.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_00: I'm loving this little buzz that I'm getting.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_00: I'm loving it, it's making me feel relaxed.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_00: But that's not a sign of it being aligned, that's a sign of it being comfortable.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: It's a sign of it being something that is known for me.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_00: The not having the cigarette would have felt harder and would have been more aligned.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_00: And on the flip side, someone who pushes that last rep at the gym, they're doing a they're doing a three-rep max, they've got a heavy old weight, and they're like, right, and they're pushing through, and it's every vein is a muscle is popping, and their face is going red in that moment that feels so hard.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_00: But that's alignment through choice.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: That's being focused on the reason why.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_00: So just be mindful of your definitions around alignment.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna give you those three shifts once again.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I would love for you to come join me in the Seeking Simplicity Facebook group and share with me what you learned from this.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: Which shift did you go?
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely yes.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_00: I wanna I wanna focus on that.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe just comment on a social media post or just share with me.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_00: Just come into my DMs and just let me know.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: Shift number one, move from mental noise to embodied clarity, shift number two from self-doubt to self-trust, and shift number three from overwhelm to ownership.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_00: Hope you loved this episode as much as I did.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: I will speak to you again in the next episode of the Seeking Simplicity Podcast, and I think that's the way.