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S2 E9 Shadow Work For Busy People Who Keep Functioning · Get It Got It Girl: Midlife Rebuild

0:37
SPEAKER_01: I thought I was done with shadow work.
0:42
SPEAKER_01: And then I looked in the mirror for five minutes.
0:49
SPEAKER_01: So I told you guys the last episode that we were going to talk about shadow work next.
0:56
SPEAKER_01: Honestly, I wasn't planning on going quite this deep with it.
1:00
SPEAKER_01: Because I thought I was actually done with shadow work.
1:07
SPEAKER_01: I thought, okay, I've done that.
1:09
SPEAKER_01: I've worked on myself.
1:10
SPEAKER_01: I know myself.
1:12
SPEAKER_01: And then I saw this exercise that a lady mentioned on TikTok.
1:22
SPEAKER_01: It was really simple.
1:23
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, yeah, I can do that.
1:24
SPEAKER_01: No big deal.
1:27
SPEAKER_01: Sit somewhere quiet where nobody is going to bother you.
1:31
SPEAKER_01: You know, no phone, no music, no distractions.
1:35
SPEAKER_01: Just sit in front of a mirror and look at yourself for five minutes.
1:44
SPEAKER_01: Oh, I thought, okay, I can do that.
1:47
SPEAKER_01: The exercise.
1:50
SPEAKER_01: So I did it.
1:55
SPEAKER_01: And it was probably one of the strangest things I've done in a long time.
2:02
SPEAKER_01: Because when I looked at myself, I didn't see the person that I thought I was going to see.
2:15
SPEAKER_01: I saw somebody who looked sad.
2:23
SPEAKER_01: Miserable almost.
2:26
SPEAKER_00: And it honestly scared me.
2:34
SPEAKER_00: I remember thinking, oh my god.
2:41
SPEAKER_01: Did I just make myself feel more depressed?
2:48
SPEAKER_01: But now, looking back, I don't think that was really what happened.
2:57
SPEAKER_01: I think that I was shocked by what I saw.
3:07
SPEAKER_01: Because maybe I hadn't actually been checking in with myself.
3:14
SPEAKER_01: I had been checking in whether I was okay for everybody else.
3:21
SPEAKER_01: Whether everybody else was okay or thinking about them.
3:25
SPEAKER_01: Whether everything was getting done.
3:30
SPEAKER_01: And whether I was, you know, keeping everything moving.
3:35
SPEAKER_01: But I wasn't necessarily asking, how am I?
3:39
SPEAKER_01: And there's a difference.
3:44
SPEAKER_01: What shadow work made me notice.
3:51
SPEAKER_01: And I'm not sitting here pretending that I'm an expert in shadow work.
3:57
SPEAKER_01: I'm not.
4:00
SPEAKER_01: I'm just telling you what happened to me.
4:06
SPEAKER_01: Because that five-minute mirror exercise made me notice something.
4:14
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes we can get so used to functioning that we don't actually notice ourselves anymore.
4:21
SPEAKER_01: We just keep going and going.
4:23
SPEAKER_01: And then you suddenly stop.
4:27
SPEAKER_01: You look at yourself and you're like, wait, how am I actually doing the second mirror moment?
4:41
SPEAKER_01: And here's what's actually really interesting.
4:44
SPEAKER_01: This morning, before I came here to record this podcast, I looked in the mirror again.
4:54
SPEAKER_01: And this time I saw something different.
4:59
SPEAKER_01: It was like night and day.
5:03
SPEAKER_01: I saw a happier person.
5:05
SPEAKER_01: I didn't look as dragged down.
5:09
SPEAKER_01: I looked lighter.
5:11
SPEAKER_01: Now I'm not saying that one mere exercise magically changed anything.
5:17
SPEAKER_01: I don't even know exactly what changed.
5:23
SPEAKER_00: But I noticed.
5:28
SPEAKER_00: And it got me thinking.
5:33
SPEAKER_01: Maybe I or maybe we need to do and start doing these, what I call them now, me checks.
5:45
SPEAKER_01: The me check.
5:47
SPEAKER_01: Not, am I okay for everybody else?
5:51
SPEAKER_01: Not, does any everybody else need something from me?
5:54
SPEAKER_01: Does anybody else need something from me?
5:57
SPEAKER_01: Not, is everybody happy with me?
6:03
SPEAKER_00: But actually, how am I doing?
6:12
SPEAKER_00: The person I felt like and the person I saw in that mirror did not match.
6:19
SPEAKER_01: And doing a me check, like what do I need?
6:25
SPEAKER_01: Slow down for a minute and think, what am I feeling?
6:31
SPEAKER_01: Is there maybe something that I've been ignoring?
6:35
SPEAKER_01: That's a me check.
6:38
SPEAKER_01: And honestly, I think that could be something we all need more of in our midlife, or just anybody.
6:46
SPEAKER_01: This is good for anybody.
6:50
SPEAKER_01: We spent a lot of things and a lot of years just taking care of the things, taking care of people, being responsible, going through the motions, trying to figure out things.
7:10
SPEAKER_01: And somewhere along the way, sometimes we need to stop checking and just check in with ourselves.
7:25
SPEAKER_00: So I want to I want you to try something.
7:32
SPEAKER_01: Not necessarily the five-minute mirror exercise, if that feels uncomfortable.
7:41
SPEAKER_01: But sometime today, stop.
7:45
SPEAKER_01: Put your phone down, take a breath, and really truly ask yourself, how am I really doing?
8:01
SPEAKER_01: Not the answer that you're supposed to give.
8:05
SPEAKER_01: The real answer.
8:09
SPEAKER_01: Pay attention to what comes up.
8:12
SPEAKER_01: Maybe you're happy.
8:15
SPEAKER_01: Maybe you're exhausted.
8:22
SPEAKER_01: Maybe you're angry.
8:26
SPEAKER_01: Maybe you're excited about something.
8:30
SPEAKER_01: Or maybe you don't even feel anything at all.
8:36
SPEAKER_01: There is no right answer.
8:40
SPEAKER_01: The point is just simply to notice.
8:48
SPEAKER_01: This is what I'm realizing about the whole midlife journey.
8:53
SPEAKER_01: I don't think we're supposed to have everything figured out.
8:57
SPEAKER_01: I do think we're supposed to start paying attention.
9:03
SPEAKER_01: Paying attention to what makes us feel alive.
9:08
SPEAKER_01: Paying attention to whatever drains you.
9:15
SPEAKER_01: Paying to the attention, just paying attention to the relationships that we have.
9:24
SPEAKER_01: To what we want more of.
9:28
SPEAKER_01: And this was the hardest lesson that I learned.
9:31
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes we need to pay attention to the parts of ourselves that we've been avoiding.
9:41
SPEAKER_01: That's where shadow work comes in for me.
9:45
SPEAKER_01: Not as like not as some giant thing that we have to dig up everything that's ever happened to me, and that's why I kind of avoid some of it.
9:56
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes it's just looking at myself.
10:07
SPEAKER_01: At the same time, you can be struggling and still be helpful, hopefully.
10:17
SPEAKER_01: You can be tired and still excited about your life.
10:25
SPEAKER_01: And the big one, you can have things that you need to work through and still love who you're becoming.
10:33
SPEAKER_01: The person you're building, the person that you're trying to reignite again.
10:37
SPEAKER_01: And that's big for me.
10:39
SPEAKER_01: I am not trying to start over.
10:40
SPEAKER_01: I'm trying to reignite who I am down there inside.
10:46
SPEAKER_01: Parts of me that I know and parts of me that I haven't explored.
10:52
SPEAKER_01: You can have a hard day and still have something you're excited to wake up for.
10:57
SPEAKER_01: I think that's where I am right now.
11:01
SPEAKER_01: I'm not starting over.
11:04
SPEAKER_01: I'm not starting from scratch.
11:07
SPEAKER_01: I'm paying attention.
11:12
SPEAKER_01: I'm building a life that I want to wake up to.
11:17
SPEAKER_01: So here's your question for today.
11:21
SPEAKER_01: Have you done your me check?
11:25
SPEAKER_01: And if you haven't, maybe that's your five minutes today.
11:30
SPEAKER_01: You don't have to fix anything.
11:32
SPEAKER_01: You don't have to figure out everything.
11:35
SPEAKER_01: Just check in with yourself.
11:39
SPEAKER_01: Because sometimes the first step isn't changing your life, it's noticing the person who's living it.
11:49
SPEAKER_01: And that's what we're going to do.
11:51
SPEAKER_01: We're going to keep exploring together.
11:55
SPEAKER_01: Get it, got it, girl.