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Running Back to Yourself — Nervous System, Identity & the Mom Who Needs a Mile · Empowered + Well

• 0:17
  Lauren Brown Hey, everyone. Welcome back to Empowered and Well. I'm Lauren, joined as always by my wonderful co-host, Amanda. And today we have a guest who I genuinely cannot wait for you to meet.
• 0:31
  Lauren Brown We talk a lot on the show about finding yourself through movement, but today's conversation takes that to a new level. We're talking about what happens when motherhood completely shifts your identity and how one woman found her way back to herself one step at a time.
• 0:47
  Amanda Gargiulo You know, what Lauren told me about Trisha, I immediately felt that pull. You know, that feeling where you hear someone's story and you think, oh my gosh, I need more people in my life talking like this. Trisha is a certified run coach, a Boston Marathon qualifier, a two-time Ironman finisher, and a mom of three, including a 19-year-old daughter who is autistic.
• 1:07
  Amanda Gargiulo She now works with moms, especially moms of children with special needs, to help them regulate their nervous systems and reclaim their identity through run-walk programs. equal parts lived experience and certified expertise. And we are so here for it.
• 1:23
  Lauren Brown Trisha, welcome to empowered and well, thank you for, for being a yes to joining the conversation today.
• 1:31
  Tricia Thank you. I'm very excited to be here.
• 1:33
  Lauren Brown So before we jump into our main topic, Amanda and I like to start with a little rapid fire or this or that type of questions to get to know you a little bit better. Are you open to doing that?
• 1:48
  Lauren Brown All right, awesome. So I will, I'll go first and i'll I'll do nice and easy. Are you an early bird or a night owl?
• 1:59
  Tricia Oh, I would have to say night owl, although as I age, that night becomes a little earlier.
• 2:10
  Lauren Brown hear you.
• 2:10
  Tricia i'm try I try so hard to be an early bird. I do. i do it just doesn't work.
• 2:15
  Lauren Brown I'm like, I'm an early bird and still my nights get earlier.
• 2:22
  Amanda Gargiulo Oh man, i'm I'm excited to ask this one because I didn't even know this existed. GPS watch or run by feel?
• 2:30
  Tricia Um, both.
• 2:32
  Amanda Gargiulo Okay.
• 2:33
  Tricia Um, yeah, there's, I go through times when i feel like I need to put the watch away because it gets into my head.
• 2:44
  Tricia And then I just go out to truly enjoy the run and clear my head.
• 2:45
  Amanda Gargiulo Mm-hmm.
• 2:48
  Tricia um if I, if I'm running to try and like do a good workout, like for, for time or something, then I'll do GPS.
• 2:57
  Lauren Brown When it comes to race day are you full of nervous energy or are you calm and ready? No
• 3:04
  Tricia Nervous energy.
• 3:06
  Tricia Yeah. Yeah. I always but that's how you know you care.
• 3:06
  Lauren Brown matter what.
• 3:12
  Lauren Brown Yep.
• 3:14
  Amanda Gargiulo Yeah. So this one I'm really curious about because you've done Ironmans before. What's your favorite race distance?
• 3:24
  Tricia actually, I would say half Ironmans.
• 3:28
  Amanda Gargiulo Okay.
• 3:28
  Tricia They're a little bit, they add the challenge more.
• 3:28
  Lauren Brown I agree.
• 3:32
  Tricia i've Running um marathons is great but and it's a challenge, but I like the the multi um aspect of the triathlons and the the half Ironman's enough of it to really push that challenge, but not so much that it's like killing you.
• 3:53
  Amanda Gargiulo Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
• 3:55
  Lauren Brown What is one word to describe yourself as a mom?
• 3:59
  Tricia Oh, um,
• 4:01
  Tricia caring, but so oh, that's two words. Um,
• 4:05
  Tricia empathetic.
• 4:06
  Lauren Brown two words describe you as a mom.
• 4:08
  Tricia Yeah. I would say empathetic, but caring and caring and strict.
• 4:13
  Lauren Brown Wanna do one more?
• 4:14
  Amanda Gargiulo Okay. What's the last thing that made you laugh out loud?
• 4:19
  Tricia Oh, some, honestly, an Instagram post of some farm animals doing something stupid. Yes,
• 4:28
  Lauren Brown Wait, I'm now following this page and I should actually have looked it up before I said this, that makes me crack up all the time. It's definitely AI and it's two dogs. It's a golden retriever and a Frenchie.
• 4:42
  Tricia yes, yeah.
• 4:42
  Lauren Brown And they're always like doing skits.
• 4:44
  Lauren Brown Do you follow it? and you watch it? Oh, I'll try to remember to put it in the show notes because if you're not, if it's not showing up in your feed, it should be because it is like, it makes me laugh all the time.
• 4:54
  Tricia They're hilarious.
• 4:56
  Lauren Brown I'm like sending it to my mom and my sisters. I'm like, sorry, you guys, I could like for probably 10 minutes straight, just like look at all their skits.
• 5:05
  Tricia Yep. Yep. I know that one. That's a great one.
• 5:08
  Lauren Brown So. All right, well, moving on from from that, let's jump into to really getting to know you a little bit. So you're a mom of three and you've completed two full Ironmans, you've qualified for Boston.
• 5:22
  Lauren Brown You clearly have an athletic identity that runs deep. So can you take us back before your daughter's diagnosis and share a little bit about what you thought life as a mom was going to look like?
• 5:36
  Tricia Yeah, I honestly kind of figured I'd stay home for a couple years with my kids. I never thought I'd be a full-time mom in the sense of stay-at-home. I love my kids. I love being with them, but um and that I'm just not a stay-at-home mom person. So I always thought, okay, they you know stay home.
• 6:02
  Tricia like probably the first two years, they also need to go, you know, socialize and do their fre things with friends and stuff. um So I'd end up going back to work, you know, even exercise wise, I was always like, oh you know, I had the jogging strollers and the the wheelies that you put a tap back.
• 6:10
  Lauren Brown What?
• 6:20
  Tricia Well, now they got such really cool, bike attachments, but back then they were the big trailer that you had. And it was like, okay, we're going to include you know all the kids and everything we did. um So it's kind of like very active and outdoors, but also working and they had their space and ah you know then we had the family space kind of thing.
• 6:45
  Lauren Brown So when you think back to, you know, as your kids were getting older, when did you realize that things were going look a little bit different than you expected? And what was that transition like for you emotionally?
• 7:03
  Tricia Um, my daughter, Shay, who's the, my, uh, the one diagnosed when she actually was, she first wasn't diagnosed with autism. It took quite a while because she's very, very social.
• 7:15
  Tricia So in a when she was younger, the the minute she talked, the doctors were like, oh, she's fine.
• 7:16
  Lauren Brown Thank you.
• 7:23
  Tricia you know, she's, um, has, and they, so they made, they diagnosed her as globally developmentally delayed. um and And that started where every milestone we we're like, yeah, she's not hitting anything.
• 7:37
  Tricia So it kind of progressed, but I will say we originally were like, okay, she's it's maybe if we put everything we have, every ounce of money and any of our physical abilities, anything we can do into therapies for her, we can catch her up.
• 7:46
  Lauren Brown No,
• 7:56
  Tricia and everything will be okay um so we kind of were living our life under that realm that yeah she's going to catch up everybody said oh and they're about five there for some reason there was this magical number at five that that's when when they were if they started off if it was just really delays they kind of caught up and so we kind of went along with it i
• 8:08
  Lauren Brown that's
• 8:21
  Tricia was actually transitioning from the job that I had and I was going to go back to school to be a forensic nurse. um And so the they when i found out I was pregnant with her, my with Shay, my husband and I talked about it, we're like, yeah, you can, you know, when when um she's old enough, you can take some classes because, you know, take, especially then they so they they, like they online classes had just kind of started so I could do that.
• 8:51
  Tricia And um you go to school, back to school.
• 8:52
  Lauren Brown Thank you.
• 8:55
  Tricia And then by the time she's ready for so like pre-K, you would be i could go back to work. So I had started to do that. And then I got into my first um semester of nursing school.
• 9:11
  Tricia And she... it was like this is i where this isn't going to work like this is her delays are way too the like i think she was just five and we're like she's not getting that this is not going away or and i think that's the appropriate way to even say it i'm um but uh so anyway um it I realized like, yeah, I'm not going to be able to go back to work.
• 9:38
  Tricia I'm going to have to stay home with her. And then shortly after that, she did get officially diagnosed autistic. And it was like, okay, this is really going to have, i you know, there's no way that I could work.
• 9:44
  Lauren Brown Mm-hmm.
• 9:49
  Tricia but It's going to cost more money for care if you could even find appropriate care for the kind of needs that she would need and the all the different doctors and therapies and everything.
• 9:59
  Tricia um And the that was a hard... At that time too, i had also also i had not been able to run. had even, I wasn't able to, even when I could get out and run, I wasn't running regularly because she, I couldn't put her in the jogging stroller.
• 10:17
  Tricia Like I could put my other children because the wind hurt her ears. Like it it there wouldn't be any wind and it's still just the the air flow from this the movement of the stroller would really hurt her ears.
• 10:28
  Tricia um
• 10:29
  Lauren Brown So
• 10:30
  Tricia And she would just start screaming. Uh, so we would, I'd get like 15 minutes, 10 minutes, and then I'd, we'd have to go home because she just couldn't handle it. So was all right, so I can't go jogging with her.
• 10:44
  Tricia Um, I can't. leave her home um because my my husband's traveled, he traveled for work. And I, so then was like, well, I could go to the gym.
• 10:55
  Tricia Well, then the gym became too much of a hard, it was too difficult because she's so social that it would take forever to get in and out because she's talking to everybody or didn't want to leave or, you know, just all the issues there.
• 11:00
  Lauren Brown All right.
• 11:09
  Tricia um So all of a sudden the, the, the gym, the run, and then my the my thought that I was going to be able to go and do this career that I was super excited about all just was went away.
• 11:25
  Tricia And I started to fall into like a depression. I was like, i i my husband noticed and he they I'm very lucky to have him because he was like, you are going in a black hole.
• 11:31
  Lauren Brown Thank you.
• 11:39
  Tricia And you need to get out because you're not any good for anybody this what the where you're going. And you know I was lucky because I have someone who recognized that and and you know where because you as a person, i don't I didn't see it
• 11:58
  Amanda Gargiulo You know, the fact that you had to like let go of your job and put your daughter first is incredible. But that makes me think about how many moms like have like the identity piece.
• 12:08
  Amanda Gargiulo and you start to lose your own your own identity basically. And you think like, I love my kids, I'll do anything for them. But also like what you're saying, how you said your husband said that you started to fall into a depression, like you started to lose a part of Trisha, like losing yourself. what did What did that time in your life feel like? And did you have tools that you were able to use to help to pull you out of it?
• 12:29
  Tricia Yes. And it was that it was exactly of losing my identity. And I didn't even realize it. Because I also feel that as moms, we aren't, we're i almost we're not allowed to talk like that.
• 12:46
  Tricia Like, you know, you're not it's like, you what do you you know, you're a mom and, and yes, you do other stuff.
• 12:47
  Amanda Gargiulo Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
• 12:53
  Tricia But it's, it's like, you're supposed to that's supposed to be enough. And But we're people too, like, you know, we need something else for ourselves.
• 13:01
  Lauren Brown you
• 13:02
  Tricia So it was, it was, it was depression was a good, it would be the best way to to say how I was going and feeling.
• 13:13
  Tricia running um running is getting back into running is what ah got me out of it. And, and we, my husband was like, you need to get back out there. I was lucky enough to find a ah ah local tri group that I didn't even know they were a tri group, but it was a all women's group that was in the paper. And my husband's like, go and you know, go to that. I, and started running there and that became,
• 13:42
  Tricia i had to be accountable to them because I was saying I was going. So it was that and that's what made it work.
• 13:48
  Lauren Brown Mm-hmm.
• 13:51
  Tricia If it had, it wasn't just and because I didn't have anybody else in my life to help like, okay, let's get out the door. I needed somebody else to be accountable to because again, moms were accountable to everybody.
• 14:04
  Tricia And so it was like that made it okay for me to go do it because I'm like, oh, I told them I was going so I have to go. And if, if And that's when honestly running became my mental health space.
• 14:18
  Lauren Brown And even the community, like it's so important. And I know that it's probably something that you create with what you do with women right now with doing the the run walk programming, but how did that sense of community also help with, you know, kind of reestablishing your identity? Because I think For some people, the idea of even starting can feel overwhelming.
• 14:44
  Lauren Brown it can also feel lonely.
• 14:47
  Tricia Mm-hmm.
• 14:47
  Lauren Brown And I've noticed this, and Amanda, I know you've experienced this even in studio settings, right? Amanda and i used to teach at a studio together where so many women, we had a lot of women members, and it's like you come into this space and yes, training and running can be taxing potentially on your nervous system if you look at it a certain way, but there was definitely something that happened to people when they were in a community with other women. So can you share a little bit about how that maybe also shifted things with your identity and your, even like, of purpose is the right word to use here, but it's the one that's coming to mind.
• 15:30
  Tricia Yeah, I think having that community kind of is one, well it helped remind me that what I was doing was okay and was allowed.
• 15:43
  Lauren Brown hmm
• 15:44
  Tricia like like um And it made reminded be that I was a person and not just a mom, that like I so that and and or and spouse even like um you know it's like I was my own person and this was my own thing and these are my my friends and even and you have friends as moms but they're um when they're all the play groups and the the
• 16:18
  Tricia or the therapy, you're seeing people at the therapy sessions and stuff like that. It's still tied. It's it's not your, it's, the it's, they're great friends, but they're still tied to that piece of you, not your own. Um, so I think for me, that was, um, they, ah they gave, they helped allow me to say, Hey, i need this. And I, and this is something and recognize it was something that I was missing.
• 16:47
  Lauren Brown wasn't sure if you were going to say something. So, oh, so something else that has come up when I've spoken to other women, but anyone really in general that
• 16:49
  Amanda Gargiulo No, no, sorry.
• 17:00
  Lauren Brown that This is a little bit more like a geared towards racing, not just the running community and the run walk, but I'm just curious where you kind of land here. So I was on a call talking to another triathlete and she was saying how it's like,
• 17:18
  Lauren Brown the role that racing plays in in your ability to really like get through also really hard things.
• 17:24
  Tricia Mm-hmm.
• 17:24
  Lauren Brown And whether it's that your past and the hard things you've gone through make you stronger at running because you can reference, I've done some really hard things that I thought were going to break me and I can get through this.
• 17:39
  Lauren Brown So have there been moments, whether it's, it can be on either side of the coin, right? Where you're dealing with things at home, And rate you can think back to like races that you've done where you're like, I've actually proven how strong I am as an athlete.
• 17:55
  Lauren Brown I know I can handle this in real life. like
• 17:58
  Tricia Mm-hmm.
• 17:58
  Lauren Brown And I'll always talk about howie racing and training can mirror life, right? You grow as an athlete and that sometimes all of a sudden you're like, oh, this is actually helping me get through some really hard times in life. So even taking the identity piece out of it Can you share a little bit about your experience with either like racing mimicking life or training mimicking life and how it's kind of helped you to deal with things that maybe you felt like could have broken you?
• 18:27
  Tricia Yeah, so i definitely,
• 18:33
  Tricia there's, you know, when you're when you're racing and it's hard and, you you know, especially, you know, um honestly, like courses like Boston and Ironman, so you're like, it's pure grit. And so thinking about to, you you know, I've done hard things, I can do this, but I found more often that it was the other way around for me that once I did it and I got over that finish line and then would be home and I'm like, I've done, I've completed that and I stuck to it and I didn't give up and I can, this is just, I can do this, I can do, i can get through this day.
• 19:01
  Lauren Brown I don't
• 19:18
  Tricia um it's it's a reminder that you can do hard things day in and day out. Like with, especially with special needs child, it's like, you know, so much of it, when you're in the gist of it, it's robotic.
• 19:33
  Tricia You don't even realize what you're doing half the time. You're just get your, you've got, you know what you need to do to take care of, um take care of your child and you're going at it and you're doing it.
• 19:44
  Tricia And then you know how, you know, you react, you're supposed to react to,
• 19:45
  Lauren Brown All right.
• 19:48
  Tricia but to this situation, that situation, you just do it. But so you don't, I, at least for me, I didn't really recognize the, what, that I was doing hard things because i didn't really, to me, i didn't, have I was like, I don't, nobody, I didn't have a choice.
• 20:05
  Tricia I had to, and wasn't, I mean, it's like, i don't have a choice to oh, this is too hard. I can't do this. Okay. I'm i'm out. You know, I had to So the difference with the racing was for me was that was a choice and it was something where I could, it reminded me at home, like, see, you can do this. Cause even you can shoot, you chose to do something difficult and you can, so you can get through this day. And in even days where I'm like, you know, oh this is easy. You, you did that. You, you ran, you know, you did the Ironman, you're good. um
• 20:40
  Tricia So I, I really, it's something that one of the things I love so much with about rate like about racing in particular. um and it can be in done at, and this feeling can be any level from 5k on the pay. Cause if you've never ran a 5k, that 5k to you is that mountain, right? Like, and if you, it just completing something that you never thought you could do the empowerment it, it gives you is amazing. mom,
• 21:11
  Tricia mom caretakers of special needs children, moms are, they don't, I don't think they realize enough of how much they're doing and how um strong they really are.
• 21:43
  Amanda Gargiulo Yeah. You know, everything that you're talking about, about doing things that are hard and uncomfortable and like being able to actually acknowledge that makes me think about the amount of stress that must come into play when you're doing, when you're taking on raising a child with special needs, like, you know, like what you're saying, like you just did the thing because that was what was in front of you.
• 22:01
  Tricia her
• 22:01
  Amanda Gargiulo no you know, are you willing to talk a little bit about what's actually happening in the body when somebody's in like a chronic state of fight or flight and like stress is activated and then how it shifts when they start to do the walk run club with you.
• 22:15
  Tricia Yeah, so,
• 22:16
  Lauren Brown Yeah.
• 22:18
  Tricia um yeah, you had mentioned earlier, Lauren, about how, you know, running can people talk about people tot say running like messes with your nervous system. I forget the exact language, but, and I, and so many people tell me that they're like, no, it's not, it's, it actually doesn't help. And I'm like, no, no, no. Like if you're, if you are, if you it might jolt your nervous system and disrupt it. If your nervous system is normal and, but most, most special needs parents are,
• 22:47
  Tricia And I didn't even, again, you most of us don't even realize it because we're just going through the flow of the day by day and don't pay attention. and But we end up taking on the fight or flight mode that our child our children are in.
• 22:57
  Lauren Brown so
• 23:02
  Tricia And, you know, you're always... the you're always you're always I describe it as if you're driving down the road and the car in front of you stops short and you know how you stop and you're like, oh my God, I might hit that car and you clench up.
• 23:19
  Tricia And that's what you're like all the time because you're moving into a situation. Okay, are we going to have a meltdown? Are we going to have this going to happen? That going to happen? Okay, is this okay? Are they going to bolt over Are they going to do this?
• 23:31
  Tricia So, you can never let go of the steering wheel and not stop praying that you're not hit the car in front of you.
• 23:31
  Lauren Brown Thank you.
• 23:42
  Tricia um so for me, i started realizing when i was running the rhythmic movement and the of the of your breathing and your feet hitting the ground.
• 23:56
  Tricia actually became calming mechanism to my, my, um, nervous system. And I noticed it was like the, it, it wasn't, it, it, you, you could, it was kind of like, what is that?
• 24:13
  Tricia The mana, the little doc doc, the thing that goes back and forth. and it Thank you.
• 24:18
  Amanda Gargiulo Metronome. Metronome?
• 24:19
  Tricia yeah I can, I always want to say mono something, but metadome to, you to it. Um, And then the other part to me that also with the calming is that Azure, like that I found one reason why I'm so much on running and run walking and strength training is great. I love it. And it's so important. um And biking and all that, they're all there. Everything, any movement is wonderful. But the thing with the, I found with running is that exertion and exhaustion that you get when you're going, when you're done. that it's, it just gets all of that built up, um, excess negative energy that you get from constantly gripping the steering wheel and it lets in, it lets it out your body. It just goes and you're, you come out and I like, I like, I like to say, i sweat it out. Um, I sweat a lot. So, and so it just goes out and you, in, you come in, you're done and you, you really are relaxed and you feel
• 25:24
  Tricia Like I usually am like exhausted, even though it's not, I might not have just gone and done an exhausting run, but it's just, my body's just like finally like let go.
• 25:36
  Lauren Brown So for somebody who is listening and they're thinking, okay, this totally sounds like me. My nervous system is probably shot because I am constantly, it's really like you're absorbing your child's mood, right?
• 25:51
  Tricia Mm-hmm.
• 25:52
  Lauren Brown and if if anybody's ever lived with somebody who is even like bipolar or has any sort of like mental diagnosis as well, you do really start to absorb somebody else's mood and have that similar reaction.
• 25:58
  Tricia Yeah. Yeah.
• 26:10
  Lauren Brown So somebody is listening and they're like, this is totally me, I know I'm experiencing this and I'm probably like completely, tied to my child's emotions but i don't know that i can run and the idea of racing scares the crap out of me can you share like what that might look like if they were to work with you or to connect with you and kind of ease into it in a way that feels palatable for them
• 26:41
  Tricia Yeah, so, um and that's probably most people out there because I don't, you know, but I think running scares a lot of people.
• 26:52
  Tricia So, because everybody thinks it's going to be too hard. And because honestly, most people try and go out for their first run and go out way too hard, too fast and die.
• 27:04
  Tricia And they're like, I'm never doing this again. Um, i always, I actually have a mom I'm working with now and it she's do, and it's like, you need to um, you walk any, depending on what level it's like, you can be walking three, two minutes and then run a minute.
• 27:22
  Tricia And it's almost like you're barely, so really you're not, you're, it's almost like you're barely running, but it's just enough to get your body like kind of, you you know, okay, this is what it feels like.
• 27:34
  Tricia but not so much that you're exhausting yourself um and hurting yourself from going too hard too fast. And, and then, you know, really go into making sure your receipt, like your received effort is conversational.
• 27:46
  Lauren Brown and
• 27:49
  Lauren Brown Thank you.
• 27:56
  Tricia So like I often say, you know, talk, to yourself if you don't have somebody else to talk with. I have a friend of mine that I, I, we don't, she lives in Florida and I get on our, I, we put our hot, uh, headphones in and call each other and that, and talk the entire time we're running. Um, but it's really important to start slow and even 10 minutes. It doesn't, you know,
• 28:20
  Tricia if You don't have to think you have to start with 30, 40 minutes. It doesn't have to be three or four miles. even if you um like with with Especially with some moms, I'm like, just walk around your house for 10 minutes.
• 28:34
  Tricia you know Even if it's if it can be outside walking around, that's even better because it's great to get outside. But if you can't, you just need to walk around your house. you know, in in circles in your living room and ah or into your kitchen and or something, just just continuous movement for that long.
• 28:43
  Lauren Brown Thank you.
• 28:50
  Tricia And then it just slowly builds up. And I found... This may be not part of the question. I apologize. But I found like, too, when the more they someone can start doing a little bit like that, the more do they find, oh, I do have more time. You know, it's like, oh, with wait a minute. I can do this because when you when it becomes less scary, you want to do it more.
• 29:14
  Tricia So then all of a sudden you're finding the time to do it.
• 29:17
  Lauren Brown Yeah. What about when it comes to, i mean, mean, we touched upon this a little bit earlier, um or then that was more about the identity, but the guilt piece, like the mom guilt of I have to take care of my children and this is currently my role.
• 29:29
  Tricia Yeah.
• 29:37
  Lauren Brown And this role has become a little bit more taxing and time consuming. Like we just said, because i have a child with special needs, What are some tips or advice that you might give somebody who is trying to navigate the idea of, I have guilt around this, so I'm not doing this right now, maybe in another year, maybe in five years, maybe when my kid's at a different point because they're trying to navigate the guilt.
• 30:02
  Tricia Yeah. um One is guilt never goes away.
• 30:14
  Tricia It's always going to be there. So you can say, well, in a year, and then you'll have something else that's going to come up. That's going to make you feel guilty. Um, I still have to talk myself out of the guilt and I've been doing this for, you know, what, 16 I've been, yeah, it was like 16 years now. So, um, and remind myself, excuse me, and remind myself one, um
• 30:48
  Tricia And it's kind of cliche, but your kids are watching you. Even your your child with special needs is watching you go out there and do something hard. They know, you know, they, they are watching you go do this run.
• 31:01
  Tricia And if you're, if it's whether it's something you're not used to doing, so it's hard for you, they know you're doing that. And they're like, wow. And that impact that does, they register. It registers.
• 31:12
  Tricia My daughter constantly is making comments about my races and how, and my training and, And every once in while, she's like, well I'm going to go with you. And then she's like, wait, how long is it?
• 31:23
  Tricia Never mind, that's too long.
• 31:24
  Tricia um And so it it does they do see you even if you might not think they're they they're watching. um So that's one thing that i I try and remember.
• 31:25
  Amanda Gargiulo Mm-hmm.
• 31:34
  Lauren Brown Thank you.
• 31:36
  Tricia The other part is that I kind of relate it to the book, the children's book, Fill Your Bucket. um You, and and I remind myself of what I feel like when I come back from a run, that I'm going to be a better mom and spouse and friend in person to everybody.
• 31:56
  Tricia When I get out there and get my time in for myself, because, and if it's, you know, for me, it's running, but if you're, you know, for people who walk, it's just that quiet time, in my head gets clear.
• 32:08
  Tricia All of a sudden I'm made able to process thoughts that that I had. And so my brain isn't going all in a hundred miles an hour in different directions. Um, the, again,
• 32:08
  Lauren Brown Thank
• 32:19
  Tricia the, for me also the release, the energy release that I feel. But when I, so when I come back and I, I remind myself when I come back, I'm going to have that extra ability that when my daughter starts screaming at me, i can breathe and not yell back.
• 32:37
  Tricia And, um, I'm not going to have that if I don't take care of myself. And so, um,
• 32:43
  Lauren Brown um
• 32:46
  Tricia and did I think you just have to, kind of you it's something you have to remind yourself about and and we've in always and it's like always going to be there. And then the other thing that's kind of been new to me that I've been thinking about was, um you know, my I'm watching my father's getting older and he's unfortunately...
• 33:01
  Lauren Brown know
• 33:07
  Tricia um not able to take care of himself anymore. And I, and I'm very lucky that my, ah one of my sisters is able to be there for him. um but I, it made me realize like I, and you know, when you have a child with special needs, you can't count on them to be there for you. You're going have to be there for them. So, um, on the days when am like, Oh my gosh, I need to, um, you know, if I go out and do this and, and I, you know,
• 33:40
  Tricia Like if I go take time for me, um that means I'm not taking time for doing something with Shay or like something for one of my other children, then, um you know, maybe I need to go do that for them.
• 33:55
  Tricia i do, you know, I'm like, wait a minute though, if you don't get this in and you don't do this, then you're not going to be, you're, you're not going to be able to be there down the road for them. um So it's just, so I think you just, it's something where it's kind of like you have to have that you, and you may have that the conversation with yourself over and over again.
• 34:04
  Lauren Brown Mm-hmm.
• 34:13
  Tricia and it's, you know, also and ah and the more, again, it's kind of like the more you get out, the more you enjoy it, the more time you find for yourself, because it's the same too, where I think you also see, all right, my, maybe I was feeling guilty because I'm i'm not going to be able to play the game with, you know, my son who, you know, all three, he's my younger than Shea who, and so he's, I always say he kind of got the short end of the stick because he, didn't get all the fun times and and had everything was involved on Shay. And so maybe i could have taken the time to do something like play a game with him versus the run. But I was like, yeah, but if I, I'm, I can play the game with him later. and and I did, and you, and you will, and I'll, and and I will be better at it and be more present then because I'll feel better.
• 35:10
  Tricia Can't, you can't give to people in an empty bucket.
• 35:13
  Amanda Gargiulo That's one of my favorite sayings, Lauren, probably you've heard this me say that so many times, like you have to fill your own cup of coffee before you can go for somebody else's, like it's gotta to be overflowing.
• 35:20
  Tricia Yeah.
• 35:23
  Tricia Yeah. And it's, and it's, so but it's, you have to constantly say it. I don't think, I don't think it's something that you ever can just be like, oh yeah.
• 35:32
  Lauren Brown Mm-hmm.
• 35:32
  Tricia I'm saying, I think as a mom, it's something that you always have to say to yourself and remind yourself.
• 35:39
  Amanda Gargiulo It's like that idea of giving yourself permission.
• 35:42
  Tricia Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
• 35:43
  Amanda Gargiulo I say that so many times I've, I've told Lauren that actually just Lauren's my coach. And like, sometimes Lauren will tell me something. I'm like, Oh, that just gave me permission to do that. Thank you.
• 35:50
  Tricia yeah yeah
• 35:51
  Amanda Gargiulo Like sometimes we need the outside person. So like what you just spoke about has given me so many thoughts and like, it makes me want to know, Like if you could go back to when Trisha, when your daughter was born and like, as you started to take on this journey, is there one piece of advice you would give her or something that you'd want her to know as she started to take this on?
• 35:52
  Tricia yeah
• 36:15
  Tricia Um, oh, you're doing enough and, um, and you, and you, and give to yourself to take time for yourself and you're doing enough.
• 36:19
  Amanda Gargiulo Hmm.
• 36:29
  Tricia You're, you're doing way more than enough.
• 36:32
  Tricia Cause I think most parents, especially these kids never feel like they're doing enough because you, you, you're not, and not just for her, but for my other children too, like you're doing enough for them.
• 36:32
  Amanda Gargiulo Mm-hmm.
• 36:44
  Lauren Brown So kind of piggybacking off of that we we always want our listeners to kind of have a little bit of ah a takeaway, an action item, something that they can start doing today right now, if they are in a similar situation that you were in So what's something that our listeners could do today to help them take care of themselves.
• 37:12
  Tricia I would say if you can get outside in 10 minutes and walk, if you can't go outside, walk around, walk in a circle in your house, just get some movement in. And, um you know, if you just,
• 37:28
  Tricia yeah, just get get up and get movement in. And um because that's, that that that once you get that in and you start doing that, honor a i mean, I know, and, you know, and but I know ah you're, they're probably already getting that in if there was some, because they're running around after their kids. So if you, if they sit there and go, yeah, but I'm already getting that in, then, then it's like, okay, well then maybe now go outside and do it just around the house by yourself instead of racing, running around after your kids. Cause you, you are showing yourself that you actually have enough in you already to do 10 minutes.
• 37:28
  Lauren Brown Thank you.
• 38:05
  Tricia Hope that made sense.
• 38:05
  Lauren Brown So any of our listeners are curious about working with you and connecting with you, what's the best way for people to find you?
• 38:15
  Tricia um Probably Instagram um at tricks and core and, or Facebook. um The, my, it's Trisha Lesnivich dash Callahan.
• 38:28
  Tricia i am, i just finished putting together a freebie that I'm going to link onto my Instagram bio about like a five minute ritual to help you like, you know, get out the door and, um,
• 38:40
  Tricia get, try and be consistent with getting some time out for yourself. So I got to put that up here in the next couple days.
• 38:47
  Lauren Brown And then I do have one other question. When you work with clients, are you working in person with them or is it mainly like a virtual type of program where people could connect with you from anywhere in the country or?
• 39:00
  Tricia I've most of everybody's been virtual. I've had like one person that lived locally that I, you know, met up with as well. But I'd be, it just really, kind if you're local and i can meet with you, I i would do that too.
• 39:12
  Tricia I love, i would, and if you're, if they're eventually going to the race, I would definitely be there because I love watching people and cheering them on, so.
• 39:23
  Lauren Brown Yeah, I could start a local like mom's walk run club.
• 39:26
  Tricia Yeah, I might i honestly, i would love to do that. i miss my group so much. um And I just need to not work nine to five to be able to do that.
• 39:37
  Lauren Brown Yeah.
• 39:40
  Lauren Brown Minor detail.
• 39:43
  Lauren Brown So um I just, i I really want to say thank you so much for, again, being a guest to joining us on the podcast today. And for our listeners, thank you for for joining us. I know our listeners are going to come back to the information that we discussed, and I know that it probably allowed some of our listeners to actually feel seen. thank
• 40:08
  Tricia I hope so.
• 40:08
  Lauren Brown you've Yes, the way you've turned your own hardest chapter into a lifeline for other moms is just really, really beautiful. So thank you for sharing.
• 40:16
  Tricia Thank you. Thank you so much.
• 40:18
  Amanda Gargiulo And to every mom listening who needed this today, you are not invisible. You are not last. You have permission and you deserve a mile that belongs to you.
• 40:29
  Lauren Brown Yes.
• 40:29
  Tricia Awesome.
• 40:30
  Lauren Brown As always, we know that you have a choice as to how you spend your time. And we are so grateful that you chose to share it with us. Until we meet again, happy listening.