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Stuck On the Roundabout: Why Overthinking Keeps You Stuck and How to Get Moving Again · Hardiness with Dr Paul Taylor

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Everyone, it's Carli here and welcome to you. This week's
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: Mojo Monday. So imagine being stuck on a roundabout, so
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: you're going round and round and round, and you actually
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: can't see the exit roads, so you know that they're there,
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: but you can't find which road is going to take
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: you out, so you just keep going round and round.
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: And that's what it's like when we ruminate. Our thoughts
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: go in this repetitive loop, circling the same situation over
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: and over again, trying to think our way out, trying
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: to problem solve, trying to get rid of the thoughts,
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  Speaker 1: but getting nowhere. And in Japanese psychology there's a term
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: for this, and it's called torowere, and put simply, it's
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: when your mind gets caught so caught in your thoughts,
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: caught in your and your feelings, you know, caught trying
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: to figure it all out. And in Marita therapy, to
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: awere is described as a state of mental preoccupation, which
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: is when your attention becomes fixated on what's bothering you.
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: So it's quite normal to do this. The more attention
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  Speaker 1: you give it, the more intense it feels, and the
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  Speaker 1: harder it is to step out of it, so it
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  Speaker 1: becomes this self reinforcing loop. But there's a real cost
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: to this because when all of your attention gets pulled
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: into your thoughts, your world starts to narrow. It affects
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: what you do, what you don't do. You can hesitate,
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  Speaker 1: you avoid, you over analyze, you stop doing the things
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: that are really important to you, and over time, you
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  Speaker 1: just stop taking action. And that's one of the key consequences.
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: It leads to inaction and reduced quality of life. And
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: what's interesting is this doesn't just happen in your own
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  Speaker 1: mind anymore. Torawerre can actually become shared. So you might
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: notice in conversations when you're going over the same issues
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: again and again, you know, like in grip chats where
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: everyone is validating the same frustration, or even on social media,
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: where the algorithm keeps feeding you this content that reflects
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: exactly how you feel. So instead of stepping out of
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: the roundabout or driving out of the roundabout, you've now
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: got multiple lanes feeding into it. And this means more attention,
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: more reinforcement, more time spent in the loop. And there's
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: a word for this actually got from Ethan Cross's book
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: called shift tis a research psychologist, and it's called co rumination.
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  Speaker 1: And while it can feel supported and even comforting in
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: that moment, it can actually deepen that state of totuwerre.
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: So how do we get off the roundabout? The first
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: step is to take a step back and ask yourself
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: what here is actually within my control and what isn't
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  Speaker 1: Because often our attention is locked on the things that
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: we can't control. So if we gently shift our attention
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: towards what we can influence. And this is where old
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: wisdom and modern psychology meet. So in the book Shift,
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: Ethan Cross talks about the importance of shifting our attention
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  Speaker 1: and in Marita therapy, the shift isn't about controlling your thoughts.
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: It's about changing your relationship with them. And there's a
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: concept called arrogamama, which is allowing things to be as
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: they are. If you've been listening to this podcast for
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: a while, you would have heard me talk about this
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: many times. This is my favorite Japanese concept, arugamama. It
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: doesn't mean that you like the thoughts or the emotions.
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  Speaker 1: You're not trying to get rid of them. You just
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: let them be. It is what it is because the
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  Speaker 1: goal isn't to eliminate the thoughts or even to feel
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: better straight away. The goal is to live fully even
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: with the inevitable challenges and the uncertainty that comes with
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: being human. And this is where the shift happens. Instead
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: of trying to think your way out, you move into action.
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  Speaker 1: In Marita therapy, change doesn't come from controlling how you feel.
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: It comes from what you do next, even with the
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: thoughts there. So personally, what I have found really helpful
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: is when I notice that I get stuck in this
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  Speaker 1: state of totawero, I first get clear on what I
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: can actually control, and if in that moment there's nothing
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: I can do to solve the problem, I'll do something constructive.
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: So I will tidy up. I'll do a bit of admin,
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: like paying bills. A might clean one shelf on the
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: kitchen cupboard, or do something that I haven't got round
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: to doing before. It doesn't have to be big, but
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: these are things that I can focus on, I can
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: put my focus on. They are constructive and flexible use
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: of my intention. I could easily go to my phone
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: and scroll mindlessly. That's another use of my attention, but
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: these are constructive uses and at the end of it,
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: there's a sense of accomplishment and it doesn't matter how
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: small the task is. So that's how we step off
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: the roundabout, not by finding the perfect thought or solving
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  Speaker 1: the problem of the rumination, but by loosening our grip
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: on it, shifting our attention and taking action in the
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: direction of what matters, and over time that's what expands
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: our lives again, So have a great week everyone. I
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: hope that was valuable and I'll catch you next week.
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: See ya.