Latest / The Daily Sarcast / September 29th, 2026: Al Roker Goes To Jury Duty, Running Tips And Lindsey Goes To The Beach

Transcript

September 29th, 2026: Al Roker Goes To Jury Duty, Running Tips And Lindsey Goes To The Beach · The Daily Sarcast

• 0:00
  This episode is brought to you by teleportation. Tired of sitting in traffic?
• 0:05
  Hate airports, trains, and buses?
• 0:08
  Don't feel like getting drunk in the airport because there's nothing else to do?
• 0:12
  Try teleportation. Just think about where you want to go and boom, you're there.
• 0:17
  No TSA, no Ubers, no hassle, no delayed flights, or sitting next to someone
• 0:22
  who takes over a part of your seat.
• 0:24
  Teleportation. Because getting somewhere should not be the worst part of going somewhere.
• 0:29
  My team is just shitting themselves backstage. My team replies just so everyone knows.
• 0:35
  They respond to people, but I respond faster.
• 0:37
  So direct line to me is always the best way to get in contact.
• 0:41
  Sabrina Carpenter's bleeped VMA speech. Insert theme song here.
• 0:46
  This is the Daily Star Cast. I give you the news and maybe a laugh.
• 0:49
  I'm Lindsay Vernick and today is September 29th, 2026.
• 0:53
  I'm coming today to you live from the beach because I'm working down here today.
• 1:00
  So yeah, that's, that's it.
• 1:03
  I'll tell you about it more in my Lindsay Life update. So in real news,
• 1:07
  Al Roker mysteriously disappeared from the Today Show yesterday.
• 1:10
  He started the morning doing the weather and he was on for a few more segments,
• 1:14
  but then all of a sudden Dylan Dreyer was doing the mother instead, which was weird.
• 1:19
  Savannah Guthrie explained that Al had to leave a little bit early.
• 1:23
  Gave absolutely no reason why. And then the third hour started,
• 1:27
  and Al was still nowhere to be found.
• 1:29
  Kaylee Harton stepped in for him, but Craig Melvin told everybody that Al had
• 1:34
  stepped out for just a little bit and that he would be back later today.
• 1:38
  It's just a very weird way to talk about one of the other co-hosts, right?
• 1:44
  But then eventually, Al went on Instagram and explained what happened. He had jury duty.
• 1:49
  So the entire Today Show spent the morning acting like Al had been called away
• 1:52
  some sort of classified weather emergency or something when he was literally
• 1:56
  just sitting in a courthouse waiting to be picked for jury duty.
• 2:00
  I mean, it's so real. You can be one of the most recognizable,
• 2:03
  famous weathermen in America, but everyone has to go to jury at some point.
• 2:07
  His co-workers just didn't need to make it weird.
• 2:11
  So remember when the U.S. was blowing up boats in the Caribbean as part of its anti-drug operation?
• 2:16
  Well, there was this recent DEA assessment, and it turns out that the strikes
• 2:20
  haven't actually affected the supply or price of cocaine in the United States.
• 2:25
  It also hasn't reduced its purity.
• 2:27
  Instead, the drug traffickers just changed how they operate.
• 2:31
  They're using bigger boats, staying closer to the coast where the U.S.
• 2:34
  Is less likely to fire on them, and even using planes to move the drugs.
• 2:39
  One DEA guy described the whole thing as squeezing a balloon.
• 2:43
  You squeeze it in one place and it just expands somewhere else.
• 2:46
  I think it's kind of like how when my parents used to catch me drinking in high school.
• 2:50
  It didn't stop me. I just learned that if you pour water in a bottle of vodka
• 2:55
  and then put it in the freezer to make it look like none was taken,
• 2:58
  the entire bottle will freeze.
• 3:00
  But the Pentagon says that the operation is accomplishing exactly what it was
• 3:04
  supposed to do, detect, disrupt, and dismantle drug trafficking networks and
• 3:09
  create what they call systemic friction.
• 3:12
  It also sounds very similar to what happens when your door dress driver can't find your apartment.
• 3:17
  And if you're running a marathon this fall or even just are running in general,
• 3:21
  researchers have apparently figured out how to make the last few miles or running
• 3:25
  just slightly less miserable.
• 3:28
  So there was a study done of about a thousand runners, and they found that when
• 3:31
  people get tired, they try to distract themselves or think about their big goal, right?
• 3:36
  But that actually makes everything worse.
• 3:39
  The runners who perform better are focused on really specific things,
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  like their breathing, their pace, and their form.
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  So when you get to the point where your body is screaming at you when you're
• 3:48
  running, we should stop.
• 3:50
  Don't start thinking about how much more you have left. Just focus on something
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  directly in front of you.
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  Like, try picking a target, like a stop sign, a tree, or another runner.
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  Getting to it and then picking another target.
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  So instead of thinking, I have six more miles, you think, I just have to catch
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  up to that guy in the little tiny green shorts.
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  It makes me think about how many things I need to accomplish in my entire life.
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  But if I did, I wouldn't get out of bed. But if I just told myself,
• 4:18
  get through today, suddenly I can do it all.
• 4:21
  I mean, I'm not doing it all, but you get what I mean. in Lindsay life so as
• 4:25
  I said I took the bus yesterday from New York City to Atlantic City,
• 4:30
  and it was very strange how many other people were on the bus with me but then
• 4:36
  it's also the things where it's like why is everyone going to Atlantic City
• 4:39
  on a Monday evening but it's like well why are you going to Atlantic City on
• 4:43
  a Monday evening you know.
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  And I was really scared. I slept at my aunt and uncle's house.
• 4:49
  And they have a pretty nice house.
• 4:51
  And it's really scary to sleep in it by yourself. Like I was telling my dad
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  the other day, I have no problem flying to Maui by myself, like staying there
• 5:01
  alone, doing things all by myself and then flying home alone. No issues at all.
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  But sleeping alone, like in my apartment or my house, terrifies the shit out
• 5:12
  of me. It's like the scariest thing.
• 5:14
  Like I feel like I was in a could have been in a horror movie last night I was
• 5:18
  just waiting for it to begin but thank god it didn't Lindsay lessons a lesson
• 5:22
  by Linz if he doesn't text by 3 p.m.
• 5:25
  The day of the date the date isn't happening cooking tip of the day too much
• 5:30
  red meat isn't good but too much of anything isn't good either,
• 5:34
  feedback comments questions and a Jewish boy looking for a date email me at
• 5:37
  lindsay at the daily sarcast.com thank you guys so much for listening there
• 5:41
  will be a special episode of the Sarcast for tomorrow.
• 5:45
  So I will talk to you guys on Thursday.