Latest / Doing Marriage Well / Hidden Assumptions That Are Hurting Your Marriage

Transcript

Hidden Assumptions That Are Hurting Your Marriage · Doing Marriage Well

• 0:00
  Doing Marriage Well for September 29, 2026 Hidden Assumptions That Are Hurting
• 0:05
  Your Marriage Let's look at some reasons we make assumptions in our marriages.
• 0:09
  Assumed Agreement If you say something and your spouse makes no reply,
• 0:14
  it's tempting to assume they agree with you.
• 0:16
  But they may not. They might not be paying attention to you.
• 0:19
  They might not agree but feel it's not worth a potential argument.
• 0:23
  Ask yourself if it's safe to disagree with you. Do you argue your point too
• 0:27
  strongly for your spouse's liking?
• 0:29
  Assumed consistency. What we think and feel about things changes over time.
• 0:35
  This can even happen with big deal issues that we feel strongly about.
• 0:38
  We assume our spouse's thoughts and feelings are unchanged unless they have told us otherwise.
• 0:43
  Is that a fair assumption? Does your spouse go out of their way to communicate changes?
• 0:48
  Again, might they not want the likely argument?
• 0:51
  Assumption based on mood. If your spouse is in a bad mood, you may assume they
• 0:55
  will not be interested in talking with you or doing something you would like
• 0:59
  to do with them. You might be right, and you might not.
• 1:02
  Maybe spending time with you is exactly what they need to shift their mood.
• 1:06
  And please, do not get upset at your spouse because you decided they would say no and never asked.
• 1:12
  Insecurity-based assumption. Our own fear and doubt can bias our thinking about
• 1:17
  our spouse, leading to assumptions that are way off base.
• 1:21
  For example, if your spouse is quiet or distracted, insecurity whispers,
• 1:25
  they're pulling away, they're tired of me, or I did something wrong.
• 1:30
  Assuming similarity. This is thinking, if I were in their shoes, I'd be mad.
• 1:35
  But your spouse is a different person, and they may process things differently,
• 1:39
  faster or slower, or more or less reasonably than you do.
• 1:43
  Assuming intent. I've hit this one before, but it's worth another mention.
• 1:47
  Assuming your spouse meant for what hurt you to hurt you is a bad plan.
• 1:51
  Assuming why they do something is a good way to make a mess.
• 1:54
  As I said yesterday, our brains are all about making assumptions.
• 1:58
  Fighting that can only improve our marriages.
• 2:01
  This is Paul reminding you that doing marriage well looks different for every couple.