Latest / Real Talk Real Healing / Ep. 16: How to Navigate Friendships During Healing

Transcript

Ep. 16: How to Navigate Friendships During Healing · Real Talk Real Healing

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Hey y'all, this is Desi.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: And this is Lisa.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to our podcast, Real Talk Real Healing, where we support women through their healing journey.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: Through raw stories, authentic dialogue, and uncomfortable but very necessary conversations, we explore the full range of emotions, energetic, spirituality, and physical well-being that come with being human.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: We believe in a world filled with filters and service-level messages that healing begins with truth and a little bit of magic.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_01: Hello! Happy Wednesday! We are back for part two of how to navigate friendship during healing.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_01: Part one was why friendships change when you heal.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_01: And so today we're gonna be diving in a little bit further on navigating the relationships and so much more.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_01: So healing doesn't just change your friendship, it changes how you show up inside of them.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_01: So this isn't this episode isn't about like ending your friendships or anything like that, but it's actually just creating new ones, maybe seeing where you need to put some boundaries up, maybe with yourself or your friendships, and really just diving in on like how do we have these adult friendships and what we can do to start navigating them better, a little bit more healthier for ourselves and for our friendships as well.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: So the first part we want to share and why this is really important is because again, we're adults now and you may be in a different era of your life or a different season.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes it's really hard.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it's really hard to connect with different people and the people that you actually want around you, right?
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: Or again, maybe your your friend that you usually lean on just had a baby or just moved, or something happened where the dynamic is a little bit different right now.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: So how do you make some more connections?
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: And for me, I know I whenever I changed into a different job, of course, that was like pretty much the easiest place to like make friendships and connections.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I did, I would always have some kind of group from it.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: And my one birthday, I remember um bringing a couple of different birth like friendship groups together.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: And like my one friend was like, You're like the the superhero that like brings all the superheroes together and like they're just all different like groups and stuff, but like we all get along, you know, and it's just it's fun, you know?
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: Like, and so allow yourself to to see and be be available to different kinds of connections that you maybe wouldn't have expected.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: And in my last job, my one friend, she's like, I pretty much like force you to be my friend.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: Like she like joined me, my other friend that like we we connected at work and we ended up becoming managers, and she was just a like, you know, a worker that worked all the time with us.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: So she was just like, I'm just I just force myself into your group.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: So it was just funny, but now we're still friends, so it's really cool to see how things happen.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: And again, it's going back to how can I navigate this friendship as an adult and like in a different season, or even just making new friends if you're in a different area and all that stuff.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: So the reason why we do notice it can be harder and why it's harder to meet new people because we have a lot less convenience nowadays, is because again, we're not outside, we're we're more remote ever since you know 2020 and everything.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: So we tend to stay in our comfort zones instead of get out of them.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: Or again, the 80s and 90s babies, when we were partying and going out, we would meet people all the time.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: And the bars and the restaurants were packed all the time.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: And so there was plenty of people, but nowadays it's so much different.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: And now a day is we go out and we're like, wow, where are all these babies coming from?
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: Because they're 21 and we are not.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: And we're like, this feels uncomfortable.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: Like I shouldn't belong, I shouldn't be here anymore, right?
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: And the other part is it's like, how do you build connections?
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: Because again, we have our phones, so we're constantly in our phone.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: Whether you're standing in line waiting for a drink or you're in the drive-thru, you're so distracted that you don't even notice the human in front of you and being like, Oh, I really like her bag, or I really like her something.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have an open conversation anymore.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: You don't compliment people just because you're trying to be human or just because you're standing in line, or you hear their order and you're like, Oh, that's a really like, oh, I didn't even think of that.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: Like, that'd be really cool.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: Like, how is it?
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: And and you just striking up a little conversation.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: I actually saw somebody, this girl on uh TikTok or Instagram, whatever it was, and she was trying to talk to people as if they were her best friend already.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, and it was like when she was ordering something or whatever, and just like, you're doing a great job.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: Like, how many times do we wish we heard, you know, that from a stranger or like a friendship, right?
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: So allowing yourself to maybe be that person if that feels good for you.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: It could be really out of your comfort zone, but it's something that you can really connect with other people.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: And we all just want to be seen, we all just want to be heard and appreciated, right?
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: At the end of the day.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: So making friends in an adult is really not convenient because again, we're all in different seasons.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: So our schedules change.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: It's hard to connect, it's hard to go here, things cancel, you know, and you really have to put that intention behind it, which we will share as well in this episode.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: So another thing that happens is you start to have higher standards and you see through the BS, which in the last episode we did briefly talk about as well, is that your values shift, your values change, your priorities change.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: And whether that is, you know, where someone's making excuse after excuse to not like hang out or cancel last minute or something like that, and you're just like, well, I don't want you in my my life anyway, like if that's how you're gonna be, you know, and becoming more intentional of who do you want in your life and who do you want around you as support as that friend that could actually be long term, right?
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: Because again, we're not trying to just be friends short term and just because, you know, we're at a different job or just because we're in a different season, you know, making those genuine connections can feel like really hard because we're like, what if they're not there next week?
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: What if they're not there during the hard times?
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: And of course, then as adults and as we get older, there's more hard times because we go through life, we have unexpected things happen.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: My boyfriend just had a life-changing injury, you know, from his job.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: And now he's, you know, forced to retire.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: Like some people aren't in our life the same way anymore.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: And you either can learn to, you know, they can either meet us where we're at, or we try to meet them.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: And if they aren't it, then you know, that's it.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like maybe just let it go.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: And there's different seasons of life.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: So allowing yourself to be more intentional.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: And if that is means, if that means that you have less tolerance for what the friendship was before, and that, you know, less intention and tolerance for that surface level connection, then allow that to be what it is.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: And again, sometimes it's really hard because we want to hold on and grip onto this this friendship because we think it's like end all be all, and like, you know, this person's supposed to be in our life forever.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you have to let go and detach a little bit because when you do that, sometimes it gives them the opportunity to raise up, to, to meet the energy that you're at currently.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: And that could be obviously in any kind of friendship.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: It could be friendship, it could be partnership, it could be even family.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: But sometimes we need that reminder of allowing things to fall as it may.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: And again, how it can be harder is because our work shift changes, maybe because we got a promotion, because you know, they they need more demand.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you're working more right now or the different seasons.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's family balance.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you are prioritizing being with your family more or being with your kids more.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe somebody that doesn't have a kid, their their changes, right?
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: There's differences and figuring out the in-between and priorities at the end of the day is really what matters.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: Your values and priorities do do shift all the time.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe you're in a health season because you had a health scare, and now it's like you have to hone in on that, or maybe you're trying to budget better because you're trying to save for a house or save for a repair or save for that dream house, you know?
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: So allow yourself to also recognize that even though your priorities change and your values are changing, you can still meet someone in the middle and allow those things to be possible instead of just being like, yeah, I can't be friends with that person anymore, right?
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: And the other thing is too, is that sometimes where again these values and priorities shift, it's sometimes you have a bigger vision that all of a sudden is like you're like, wow, I really want to use all of my extra time to work on this vision, whether it is a healing journey, whether it is, you know, a vision for with your partner, whether it's another business, a hobby.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: I know certain quote, quite a few people that have this as, you know, maybe they work a nine to five, like myself.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: And then I I do my hobby, my business on the side, right?
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: Or I still kind of fill up, try to fill in my cup, you know, on the out on the the uh hours that I'm not working.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: So it is understanding that some people just have different visions and some people are in a different season in their life and giving them a little bit of compassion for that, whether you do have a connection or not, and also when you do meet new connections, like allow them to also have these visions, but also uh allowing your new connections to, you know, meet them with the same values, the same priorities, the same vision.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: Like I know for me, it's like me and Desi obviously can't meet in person all the time, but we have a similar vision.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: We want to help, we want to serve, we want to heal.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: So it helps when we are on the same visions, we have similar conversations and understanding each other and have compassion for like what we're going through.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: So we're able to expand and feel like our cup is more filled after being with each other, whether it's virtually or in person, you know?
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: And then sometimes, you know, you may have friends where again it's it's kind of grieving that old friendship of like, you know, they they just don't understand, maybe.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: And we're gonna get into this in a moment.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: But so I know for me, like some of my friends, like I'd be like, oh, I got to do something or I gotta do this, and I can always find something to do on myself.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: Like I can always fill my time.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: And so sometimes it's it's you know, they they automatically are like, Lisa's busy, and that's in their mindset, and they're like, Lisa's doing whatever, you know, Lisa's doing something.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: And automatically they, you know, they might not think of me, right?
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: And it's kind of like the less convenience thing of, you know, sometimes they just don't think of it because they think I'm doing something already, because I have different priorities and I have different values and they know I have a vision.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: They support me, but again, it's like something that they don't think of.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: So it's allowing yourself to have that compassion for the other person if you do want to work on these friendships that you currently have.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: But if you want to meet new people, let's come back to where are your priorities, where are your values?
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe you you where are your hobbies, your interests, right?
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: So join communities.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: I know around in Jersey, in South Jersey specifically, is where I'm at.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: They uh I started seeing a lot of like girl groups happen.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: So it's like they do like little restaurants, they do the Phillies games, they do um walking groups.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: Like a lot of them are meeting together with walking.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, I love that because it's just building different connections and you're building through health, healthy things, right?
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of just going out to the bar and like hanging at the bar and drinking your face away, like what we did when in our 20s, because we just that was what we did.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: We partied all night long, you know.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: So it's finding a different common ground.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's attending workshops.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it is workshops like I did one with one of my yogi friends, and we went to a yoga workshop.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: So it was a yoga class and sound bath, and it was in these lavender fields, and we got to lay in the lavender, then we got to do a little, little like uh activity afterwards too, and bundle some lavender and sage and stuff.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: And it was so amazing to be connected in different, a different community and different people that also are on a similar wavelength, right?
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: I was going to go to a social networking, you know, kind of group too and create content with other women as well in the area, but it got canceled because our weather is a little crazy right now and we're getting affected by the smoke from Canada and stuff.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: So it's not the best right now.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: But again, I'm like looking forward to those kind of workshops.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, I want to meet people that are also entrepreneurs because that's what I am, you know.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: So I want to meet people that are also like-minded, you know, and maybe it's volunteering.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you belong to a church and you know, maybe you want to volunteer there and meet new people there because they should be similar, like-minded people, right?
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's fitness classes.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: I know the gym that I was teaching at.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: Like I love the people that are in that community to death because they're just sober minded, they're so fun.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: We do a do group things together.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: One of the girls would invite everybody over to the house, like when you're an instructor, or we did a yoga training together.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: So, like those people, you know, allow those people to be um, you know, friends outside of the fitness classes, right?
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I know that was one thing that my yoga teacher would always talk about is like introduce yourself during class because how many times do you take a fitness class and you don't know who the next person next to you is, or you bring somebody and you're like, this is my person, and then that's it, like you're in a little bubble, or you're you know, you're like own little world and you don't allow other people to, you know, be in your circle or be open to meeting you and understanding you.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: A big thing now is book clubs, whether you're virtual or in person.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: I know there's something I've seen a couple people around in the area as well do like a book club per month.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe book club is for you, maybe networking events, maybe you go to other places.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: Again, like I said, social media, like content creators.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_00: I saw that one and I'm really excited for the next one because I know I want to go to that.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's a spiritual community.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: I know we have a new moon and full moon um like event, craft event um called Lunar Fair that is happens and it's not as local to me as I would like.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: So they're usually like an hour or so away.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_00: And so I do try to go to one at least each summer when it's nice out, but it's like finding different people there, finding different opportunities.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: Um, there's also like a like different uh crystal shops around me, and sometimes they have activities or even yoga studios, they have different activities.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_00: So those are communities that may be more open-minded that will allow you to be like, oh, I never even thought to like be around these people.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: Again, the dance dance classes that I was talking about in the last one, too, like they love to do activities and they're a little further from me as well.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_00: But I would love to get more opportunities to go there and like meet new people because I love to dance and we share, we would share to common interests, and it'd be like, okay, let's let's talk about it, let's expand on it.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_00: And then again, if you want to also build your connections and your friendships now, something that is simple as just texting each other first or you being the one to reach out instead of waiting for them to reach out.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_00: Because sometimes again, life gets busy.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: We all have our own, you know, to-do lists, we all have our own priorities, but maybe you can't get together.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you just say, Hey, miss you, thinking of you, or something so simple and not expecting like a whole conversation or planning, you know, something afterwards, or being like, Hey, let's really get together.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what does your schedule look like?
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: And really trying because that is about the intentional and about you know, the being a little bit out of less convenience for yourself, because again, connection is really what we are truly striving for and what we would like.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_00: So allowing ourselves to be open to these things and seeing how it unfolds.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_00: So everyone is really about trying to like sometimes I think in this world too, where we're more virtual nowadays and and on our phones, it is like well, I I'm just waiting for them to reach out first.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: Like I did it last time, I did it so many times, you know.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I think it's just a reminder of we all are in our heads about it.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I know for me, like, I'm like, well, like I don't want to reach out every single time.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah, of course, you want to hit a point where you're like, can you just like text me first or something?
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_00: Like, maybe you need to have that conversation again.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_00: But with friendships, new and old, you want to be really intentional and also make sure your energy is aligned with it as well.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_00: So friendships don't happen anymore.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: It has to be intentional, intentionally created.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: And again, kind of a couple of more ideas that we have is like maybe you do a coffee, maybe you maybe you just send that text, maybe you make sure you get together for birthdays, whether it's yours, their kids, your kids, whatever.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe that's when you guys hang out.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you plan a trip.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_00: We went on a trip, one of one of Steve's friends, my boyfriend's friends, invited us on this big Mexico trip that they were going.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_00: And so it was quite a few couples, and it was like so much fun.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: And really, we really needed the trip as well.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_00: So even though we did a couple of our own things, we also got to hang out all together as well.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe a trip is in your itinerary for the future.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's just a quick check-in.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you decide to have people over um or see if maybe you guys can get together and do a barbecue.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: I know for us right now, we have we love our um, oh my god, the grill, the what is it called?
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_00: Blackstone.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_00: The blackstone we have.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I know sometimes it's like, you know, we're trying to be healthy and whatever.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe it's like a BYO meet, like, you know, and just like, let's just cook all like, you know, on a Friday night when no one wants to cook, but we'll just hang out.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: It makes it easier, it makes it better, it makes it more fun, you know, instead.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: So like maybe starting those little little invites and the things that will just be like easy to remember and easy to do.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_00: There it's like no pressure, you don't have to do a whole thing.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_00: Someone isn't responsible for all the food, someone isn't responsible for everything, you know.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes that's what we are.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_00: We're like, it's too much to host.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, I love everybody and I want to see everybody, but like, sorry, I don't want to have that responsibility to clean and to do to prep and to like we overdo it every single time.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_00: So sometimes that it's just being honest and being like, hey, you want to come over and just like you know, bring over some chicken or something and we'll just throw it on the grill for you and the kids, and you know, we'll hang out for a little bit, you know?
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_00: So start little things.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's a tradition around the holidays, your friends giving or something like that.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: Remember important dates as well.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_00: And then reminder, any of these things, something that I said maybe feel really feels really good.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_00: And some of them are like, oof, I know I should do that, but like I really don't want to.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_00: So align your energy with your values, with your priorities, and recognize what will actually give you more energy and leave you feeling like your cup is more full.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_00: And even if you're like, oh yeah, I would do a coffee date with this person, or like maybe it's a new friend or an old friend, and you do it, and afterwards you're like, oh my God, like I can't believe we we talked, we gossiped the whole time, and now I feel like drained or I feel exhausted.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_00: Just note it.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_00: Doesn't have to be like, hey, like never doing that again with you.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_00: But it's like instead, allow yourself to notice what's bringing you more energy.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_00: I know for me, I do love hosting.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_00: I love having everyone together.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_00: I love having people over, enjoying our house, enjoying the pool.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_00: But again, it's like I I know there's there's limits and there's boundaries for certain things, right?
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_00: I can't do it every week for sure, but it's like once a month.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, doable, you know, and like again, maybe maybe instead of me being responsible for all the food, ask.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_00: Ask for people to bring stuff over, and then it'd allow you to enjoy the moment instead of feeling like this is such a chore and friendships are hard or family, whatever it is.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_00: You're muted.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_01: Um, okay, you just covered so much.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_01: I love it.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_01: One of the things that I noticed was a theme in my last round of Inner Child Haven was having conversations about friendships.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_01: Like two other girls, particularly like, do I even want to have friends?
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I don't know if I want to put the effort in.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_01: Like, we feel like we spend energy on like trying to make a friend and then like it doesn't work out or life gets busy and then something happens and stuff.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_01: But it's like we thrive in community, period.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_01: Like as human beings, like it doesn't matter.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_01: Like, look at they tried to like keep us away from people, you know, in 2020.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like, no, we thrive, we need connection, we need friendship.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_01: So I don't think that it is a question of whether you should have friends or not.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's a question of just finding the right friends.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_01: And so, you know, as we're changing, as we're growing, as you're evolving, you're gonna have friends that are gonna say things like, You've changed.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_01: You used to be fun, you're too serious now.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_01: You're always talking about healing, you're different.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_01: I know for me, I was a big party girl, and I used to go to the river a lot with some friends uh for a few years.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_01: And yeah, I partied.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_01: I drank hard.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_01: I could hold my liquor, I had fun, we had so much fun out there, and I was a little bit more wild and I was a bit a little bit more rowdy.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_01: And as I grew up, because you know, we do some of us anyways, we evolve, right?
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_01: Like we're not gonna be drinking as much anymore.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_01: I know for now my body cannot handle it, but back then it was all fun and games and having fun, and I got like really bad um peer pressure, but also like it made me feel bad.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_01: Like I was like bad for changing, like there's something wrong with me for like not drinking as heavy anymore.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_01: And so when I used to go back into that setting, I got a lot of crap from people, which was like fine because like I'm a kind of a crap talker too, like I'll shoot the shit back and forth, you know, and and banter and stuff, but um, but it got really redundant and it got really old, and you know, then I had gone to a relationship, right?
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_01: And so just natural progressions, it's like you're not going to be going out on a whim to the river just because you feel like it anymore, right?
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_01: Like you're not gonna be able, like there's just certain things that change, and so you know, they're you know, they are right, you have changed.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_01: The question isn't whether you've whether you've changed or not, the question is whether you become more of who you really are.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_01: So I don't believe that I was that crazy wild party girl like my whole life.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_01: Like some of those people are still out there doing the same damn thing, like over 12 years later, and like you do you, like that's just not for me.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_01: That's not who I am, that's not who I desire to be.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I am on that evolution of growth, and so sometimes it can be really.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: Hard when we feel like we are changing and we have people like pressuring us, but that's so important for you to come back to who you are, what your values are, what is it that you desire, and also speaking honestly, right?
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_01: Like, we have to have those honest conversations, you know.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_01: Like, hey, I really don't appreciate you saying that to me anymore.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_01: I really don't appreciate you giving me a hard time, or maybe those people just aren't your friends anymore, and you don't need to be hanging out with them as much anymore, right?
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_01: So, like you need to be honest with yourself and you need to, if you can, find the courage to have those conversations with those people as well.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_01: And like expressing your hurt, right?
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I don't really like that you did XYZ.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_01: Like, that doesn't feel good to me anymore.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I know that we used to do that, or I know that that's I was okay with it in the past, but like that's not really who I am anymore.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_01: And so sometimes those conversations can be really hard, you know, asking for what you need, right?
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_01: Like not letting people walk all over us anymore, and like respecting the different perspectives.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you know, people are gonna have different perspectives for you.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_01: Can you allow these friendships to evolve and to grow and to have different beliefs, right?
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_01: Like I know not all of my, you know, close friends, like we all don't, we all don't have the same beliefs.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, that's okay, right?
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_01: Because I'm not needing you to change in order for me to feel comfortable in who I am, and I'm not needing you to change, and you're not needing me to change in order for me to fit into your box, right?
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_01: And so that's really important.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_01: Like you're gonna have different friends, like you guys aren't gonna be the same.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_01: Like, yeah, you'll probably align a lot, a lot of things, right?
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_01: That's why you're best friends, that's why you're hanging out.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_01: But it is so important to allow your friendships and your people around you to be who they are.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_01: And maybe there's some things that really irk you and like you don't really like, and then you can have that conversation with yourself.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_01: Like, is there a give and take, right?
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_01: Like there's there's certain people I know for me, like that I'm like, I don't really love like this thing that they do, but like it far, that doesn't outweigh all the other really good things, right?
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_01: And so one of the things that I think we do in friendship and just in life in general, um, is that we go unconscious on some of our behaviors.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_01: We don't like I know for me, I personally try to be super conscious and I'm like super thoughtful.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_01: Like I will, like if we're like doing something, like I'm really like, oh, do you need this or can I help you with this or whatever?
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I'm just naturally that person and I also want to be that way, but I know that I also go unconscious and I'll do things not realizing how it's affecting others, right?
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_01: So, like, how can we give grace to our friends too?
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I'm sure I've done things that Lisa may not have liked, or vice versa.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, we don't hang out that often, so it's not like that like easy to do.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_01: But like the other day, she she was leaving me really long voice messages, like four minutes, and I was like, hey girl, can you like leave them just a little bit shorter?
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_01: Can you go over to Voxer so I can like pause and like go faster and like take notes?
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_01: Um, because by the time I'm done with the four minutes, it's like, shit, what was I gonna respond to?
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_01: Or like I don't remember or whatever, right?
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_00: So, like perfect example of asking for what you need, you know, and me being like, Oh, yeah, my bad, no problem.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I can talk, no problem.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for asking, you know, like I can honor what you need, right?
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not like you're saying, like, don't ever do that again.
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_00: Like you're asking in a in a way that feels good.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_00: And right, and I get to, I get to also meet you at your own need.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_00: You know, being, oh my bad, you know, like you're right.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_00: I do need to like tone it back a second.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_00: So it makes me be more intentional moving forward to honor what you need.
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_01: And I think too, like having a safe space, like for me to be able to say that and like saying it sweet and kind and being like, hey girl, I love you and I love all the information, but like can you just shorten it a little bit so like I can make sure that I'm actually like responding to all the things and I'm actually meeting you where you need me to meet you, and vice versa, right?
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_01: And so, like having those conversations, obviously it's helpful to have like friends that are open to the conversations, right?
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_01: So, like I know one of my really close friends now, and we talked about like, so I had gone through um like a break, a breakup of friendships or whatever, which then opened up the conversation in one of my other friendships to be like, okay, if that ever happens, like we're having the hard conversations, right?
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_01: We're not gonna just like bail on each other and it's like, no, we're gonna have the hard conversations.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_01: Like, like getting really clear on what it is that you desire in your friendships is so important.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I I now know that if you can't have a hard conversation with me, if I do something that like makes you upset and then you get triggered, and then like you don't actually like looking at the trigger and we're not talking about it, then I don't want to be in in partnership with a friendship with you, right?
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_01: Because I want to be able to have those those hard conversations.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_01: And so not attaching to the stories before you have the conversation, right?
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_01: Like, how many of you are in the like shower having the shower fights?
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_01: Well, they're gonna say this and then I'm gonna say this and then they're gonna say that, right?
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like we're already projecting what the conversation might be with that person rather than allowing it to be what it's gonna be and coming from that neutral state, right?
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_01: So we go into a lot of like, well, what ifs, and you know, if she says this and I'm gonna do that or whatever, but like that's a disservice to you in any of your partnerships, any of your relationships, right?
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_01: And it's a disservice to the other person.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_01: So, you know, healing teaches us to communicate instead of silently resenting the person, right?
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_01: And it teaches us to have the harder conversations and it teaches that us that like if the person is triggering me, it could be a mirror of myself of something that is unhealed, right?
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_01: So there's a lot of different ways to have the communication, right?
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe you're more comfortable like having a text conversation, or maybe like you wait until another, like figuring out like what works for you and what works for the friendship, but like please don't walk away just because something made you upset or you for triggered.
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_01: Because like if we can't have the hard conversations, then we're just staying surface level the whole time.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_01: We're not getting into that deeper love, that deeper connection, and there's so much um that you get out of it when you can have those things.
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_01: And like I mentioned in the last episode, I'm gonna mention it again, is just like keeping your side of the street clean, right?
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_01: Like, you know, like not reacting because maybe they're reacting, right?
• 27:47
  SPEAKER_01: Or like I remember having a conversation with somebody and they're like, well, you don't understand because like I'm this in my astrology and I'm that and like I could really go after you, blah, blah, blah.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_01: And I was just like, I could have very easily been like, well, I'm a Sagittarius and I'm an Aries and right.
• 28:00
  SPEAKER_01: Like I was like, okay, like that's cool.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_01: Like I'm here to fix the situation.
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not here to like go into like how I can better you, but like that that's not like going to help anybody, right?
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, okay, cool.
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_01: And I've been in marriage and partnership long enough to know like I'm not gonna escalate most of the time, anyways.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_01: No, um, but especially in a friendship, like I'm not gonna escalate the situation because my ego is bruised and hurt.
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I have enough understanding of who I am and like how to help myself not be so triggered, right?
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_01: And so um, yeah.
• 28:34
  SPEAKER_00: I think too, it's just so important to again, like you said, like just try to have a conversation because again, it is, you know, it's hard to have these conversations or even ask for the conversation to be like, hey, like something feels off.
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_00: Like, are you okay?
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_00: Did I did I do something?
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_00: Did I say something?
• 28:53
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not the the you know, in the intent with the intention of like, you know, you're putting blame on yourself, you know, or being like, like what happened?
• 29:03
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you are right, sometimes they felt a type of way, and maybe they don't know how to approach you, right?
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe they don't know how to say the things.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I know I've been in uh quite a test of of friendships in the last couple of years.
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like, you know, a couple of friendships did have friends had to tell me, you know, what they were feeling.
• 29:21
  SPEAKER_00: And and again, it's like I it was like, oh, like a lot of like a little bit of attack, you know, in a way.
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_00: I felt because I'm like, I was blindsided a little bit.
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, what are you talking about?
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like, and then they wanted to, you know, place blame somewhere, whether it's on me or my partner.
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like it's hard sometimes to hear those things, but again, I wouldn't have known unless they told me, right?
• 29:43
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_00: So it's like sometimes we all just hold things in until we do blow up or until we're like, you know, we're just not even friends anymore, you know, or like that moment of being like we're not at mutual understanding, we're not at a neutral place, being like, hey, can I just tell you, you know, this really bothered me?
• 30:02
  SPEAKER_00: And like, I, you know, sometimes it's just really creating a safe space because when you're able to go deeper, it is creating intimacy within a connection and in friendships.
• 30:11
  SPEAKER_00: And it's really hard.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's hard to create that vulnerable space, that intimate safe space because again, all of our feelings matter.
• 30:19
  SPEAKER_00: We all are human, we're all having an experience.
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_00: So validating what they're feeling, but also feeling something different is also okay.
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_00: Like again, like if somebody is attacking you and or you feel like an attack, like right, like I felt like it was an attack, and I was like upset, and I was like, oh my God, I had no idea that I was doing these things.
• 30:38
  SPEAKER_00: It was unconscious, just like Desi said.
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I had no idea that I was making them upset, and maybe I was choosing a different thing or a different friendship, and they're like, You really left left me out.
• 30:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, oh my God, I had no idea.
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_00: Like, and it and you feel bad, and you feel really, really bad.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes it's like, can we come back to a mutual?
• 30:57
  SPEAKER_00: Like, do you feel better after sharing that with me?
• 30:59
  SPEAKER_00: Or how can I do better?
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I promise I'm gonna do better.
• 31:02
  SPEAKER_00: And then it's like it just gives you that open conversation, that and that place to be like, oh, it's safe to share what I'm actually feeling and not having to hide it, because that's when you grow when you have that support as a friendship and obviously other relationships as well.
• 31:17
  SPEAKER_00: You're able to grow in so many different ways.
• 31:20
  SPEAKER_00: And it it reminds you that you're supported, or it minds that you you're seen, it reminds you that you're appreciated and understood because that's what we all want at the end of the day.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_00: And it just healing does really teach us how to communicate better.
• 31:33
  SPEAKER_00: Uh that's why we love this.
• 31:35
  SPEAKER_00: We love this conversation, and that's why it's very important for us to have these two different episodes as well, because there's so much more we can go into.
• 31:43
  SPEAKER_00: We could share all the experiences that we have, and I'm sure you can share experiences with us and be like, oh my God, yeah, that totally happened to me.
• 31:49
  SPEAKER_00: And again, it's just understanding and coming from an awareness and compassion and coming back to that place because we all are human and you're not alone in anything that you're experiencing.
• 32:01
  SPEAKER_00: So instead of not having that conversations or avoiding the conversations because it's uncomfortable and even building up a little bit of resentment to this person, right?
• 32:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's again kind of coming back to like when I know for me, I start to, and before I had one this one conversation I'm thinking of with a friend, I was building up so many what ifs in my mind and being like in a way, like a little bit of defense mode already.
• 32:26
  SPEAKER_00: Because I'm like, they're gonna, they're gonna point their fingers to like this and this and this, and like it wasn't that.
• 32:32
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, you get yourself so worked up when it shouldn't be like that, you know, is you should be allowed to let your guard down.
• 32:40
  SPEAKER_00: You should be allowed to express in a different way that really does make you feel better, you know, instead of of we need to fix more things now.
• 32:50
  SPEAKER_00: Like, let's not do that, let's not do that either, right?
• 32:53
  SPEAKER_00: So, reminder just to like be care, be careful with your harder conversations, but also be open to allowing the other person to meet you where you're at as well.
• 33:02
  SPEAKER_00: Because again, we all just want to be heard, we all just want to make sure that we can support each other in a way that feels good.
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_00: So with that, too, allowing yourself moving forward, whether it's a new friendship or an old friendship, is starting to express how you're feeling.
• 33:20
  SPEAKER_00: And that could be uh shared as boundaries.
• 33:23
  SPEAKER_00: So boundaries have uh had their own, you know, meaning to it, and and maybe you're like, oh yeah, I I need to set boundaries, or oh yeah, I've set them before.
• 33:33
  SPEAKER_00: And this is really about boundaries without the guilt.
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_00: Because again, I am a recovering people pleaser, and I definitely would want to say yes to people, or you know, if I don't say yes, then I might have a little silent resentment toward towards somebody when I do when I do things that go out of my way, I feel like, right?
• 33:51
  SPEAKER_00: And then maybe I feel like they're not doing the same for me.
• 33:54
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe starting to set these boundaries, really important, but maybe it's going to be like, hey, I don't have the capacity today.
• 34:02
  SPEAKER_00: I really need to rest.
• 34:04
  SPEAKER_00: Can we try another day?
• 34:05
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 34:05
  SPEAKER_00: It's something super similar, but not like putting the blame on like just because maybe you don't want to hang out with them right now.
• 34:10
  SPEAKER_00: Because again, you could be depleted, you could be, you know, energetically drained, and you're like, I just I can't support and be in the best energy I can for this person.
• 34:20
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what they deserve, right?
• 34:22
  SPEAKER_00: Like vice versa.
• 34:23
  SPEAKER_00: You would hope that this person would also have the capacity and the understanding and awareness to also be the best version of them.
• 34:29
  SPEAKER_00: You don't want them finishing up their workday and in a bad mood and then like coming to meet you and they're just complaining the whole time and unleashing on you, and you're just like, whoa, what just happened?
• 34:39
  SPEAKER_00: And now both of you, neither of you feel like your cup is full afterwards, right?
• 34:45
  SPEAKER_00: So you have to honor your boundaries, honor your feelings.
• 34:48
  SPEAKER_00: And and also if you set this example, and sometimes your older friends maybe don't know what to do when you set a boundary like this, but maybe it gives them permission to do the same.
• 34:58
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe they're like, oh, you're right.
• 35:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you know, and and later maybe when you meet up, I'm like, I'm so sorry about that.
• 35:03
  SPEAKER_00: Like I really wanted to hang out, but like I just couldn't.
• 35:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I've been doing with a couple of my friends recently, like, we just haven't been on the same page.
• 35:11
  SPEAKER_00: We just can't meet up because one of us have something going on in our life, right?
• 35:15
  SPEAKER_00: And that's okay.
• 35:16
  SPEAKER_00: That's okay.
• 35:16
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it just happens as long as we're still connecting and communicating through it, that's what matters.
• 35:22
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe it's something like that, or maybe just saying, like, that doesn't work for me, like, hey, let's give it different options, right?
• 35:29
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes instead of saying, like, I need some space from you, then like it's too much.
• 35:34
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's like I need to honor my energy today and just rest.
• 35:37
  SPEAKER_00: I know for me the other day, we were I was supposed to hang out with some friends, and then I ended up getting my cycle and it was like the heaviest day.
• 35:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm just like, you know what?
• 35:44
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna give myself permission that I get to rest.
• 35:47
  SPEAKER_00: I get I'm just gonna watch a movie for a little bit because I just need a rest.
• 35:50
  SPEAKER_00: I need to like, you know, be with myself and allow myself to feel the feels, you know.
• 35:55
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it works out in your favor as well when like people cancel or people, you know, have other things going on.
• 36:01
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it works out the best.
• 36:03
  SPEAKER_00: And instead of saying, like, hey, like, you know, I, you know, I just I can't do it today.
• 36:08
  SPEAKER_00: I'm I'm and giving like a whole different reason, maybe it's hey, I'd love to see you next week instead.
• 36:13
  SPEAKER_00: Does that work for you?
• 36:14
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's something super simple of just suggesting something different instead of giving them, making them, you don't want to make them feel bad, right?
• 36:21
  SPEAKER_00: Like, and you don't want your you to feel bad.
• 36:23
  SPEAKER_00: So instead of giving like an over-explanation and like, I can't do it today, and this is happening, this is happening, and I really should do this.
• 36:29
  SPEAKER_00: And you don't need to do that.
• 36:30
  SPEAKER_00: Uh just just allow yourself to be like, hey, can we do this instead?
• 36:36
  SPEAKER_00: And and all this is because uh the boundary isn't punishment, it's clarity and it's choosing your feelings, it's choosing to know that your feelings matter and your energy matters because again, you want to show up in this friendship, this whether it's new or old, in a better space, in a better energy, so that way you both feel amplified instead of feeling, you know, more drained and more depleted.
• 37:01
  SPEAKER_00: So when that happens too, is uh it this is creating a healthy conflict, a healthy way to communicate.
• 37:09
  SPEAKER_00: And just like we've been sharing and having these hard conversations.
• 37:13
  SPEAKER_00: So uh sometimes when you set a boundary, or sometimes when you have these hard conversations, you automatically think of all the scenarios that are gonna happen.
• 37:21
  SPEAKER_00: And you're like, nope, I don't even want to do that because your experiences and your life when you were a kid or teenager or whenever, or relationship-wise, you have that example of someone's gonna like shut down or someone's gonna blow up on me or whatever, like me and Desi both have conversations with friendships, but that didn't go well, and that clearly the friendship is not meant to be anymore, right?
• 37:44
  SPEAKER_00: So we could go into a different friendship and be like, or shut ourselves down or or react differently because of we're already prepared for them to react in that same way, but that's not the truth.
• 37:54
  SPEAKER_00: So allowing yourself to have this healthy conflict, like Desi shared with her friend, being like, when if this happens, we're gonna have a conversation, right?
• 38:02
  SPEAKER_00: Like, yes, we're gonna do this.
• 38:03
  SPEAKER_00: And that's who you want in your life.
• 38:05
  SPEAKER_00: That's who you want to allow you to expand.
• 38:08
  SPEAKER_00: And instead of yourself having more evidence of shutting down, avoiding it, exploding, all the things.
• 38:14
  SPEAKER_00: So allowing yourself to as a reminder in compassion that the other person maybe never learned this healthy conflict, or you again, again, maybe never learned it.
• 38:24
  SPEAKER_00: So, are do you have examples that maybe you or they then maybe avoided it?
• 38:30
  SPEAKER_00: The uh explosions in conversation, shutting down, being silent.
• 38:34
  SPEAKER_00: I know that's me sometimes, pretending everything's okay.
• 38:37
  SPEAKER_00: Also, ghosting.
• 38:39
  SPEAKER_00: How many people get cut off and you're just like, did I say something wrong?
• 38:43
  SPEAKER_00: What happened there, right?
• 38:45
  SPEAKER_00: I hate that.
• 38:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's a worse.
• 38:47
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, at least just tell me what's going on.
• 38:49
  SPEAKER_01: Like, tell me what I did, tell me if I triggered you.
• 38:52
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I can't even imagine the dating world because that's just what would drive me crazy.
• 38:56
  SPEAKER_01: But like in friendship, too, it's like, can you have a little bit more respect for our time together?
• 39:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, exactly.
• 39:01
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's it's exactly.
• 39:03
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's a respect thing.
• 39:04
  SPEAKER_00: It's just it's just seeing each other in a different light.
• 39:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I think healing teaches us that this different way of becoming healthier and knowing that there is a different way instead of this traumatic way that is just going to keep us cycling and keeping us in toxic relationships, toxic friendships, toxic things that are just not serving us anymore, especially as we evolve.
• 39:25
  SPEAKER_00: So uh this could be this healthy conflict can look like different couple of different things.
• 39:30
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe it's owning your part.
• 39:31
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's it's being like, hey, all right, I did mess up, like I'm sorry, you know, I didn't mean that, X, Y, and Z, and just having a conversation from there.
• 39:39
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it is you actually setting these boundaries because you need to actually admit that you're feeling something different from what they did, you know, like maybe just asking and having an open, honest conversation, you know, and this could be repair after disagreements as well.
• 39:54
  SPEAKER_00: It could be also curiosity before these assumptions, like we do automatically, because we are like, what if this happens and they're gonna blow up and they're gonna shut down?
• 40:03
  SPEAKER_00: And now I have to be on alert, you know, that doesn't help either of you.
• 40:07
  SPEAKER_00: And then another thing that is probably the most important thing is is listening, listening to understand instead of listening to respond.
• 40:16
  SPEAKER_00: That is like one of the most important things.
• 40:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I think with me and Desi being in this world, and maybe you have conversations with this as well, is sometimes you need somebody just to listen and not respond.
• 40:29
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes you need someone to listen to actually give you a response.
• 40:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like me and Desi have had these conversations where sometimes it's like, hey, can I just like I need to talk it out a lot of times and process, and sometimes it's like, hey, I need you to just listen to me for a little bit.
• 40:43
  SPEAKER_00: Or again, we did we recorded a whole podcast where she helped me through an emotion and how I was feeling because that's exactly what I needed, and that's what I asked for.
• 40:52
  SPEAKER_00: Uh so allowing yourself to also understand when you need either the understanding or whether you need the support and a response and like, hey, like what is what's happened from you in this point of view, and then allowing yourself to evolve in the conversation.
• 41:07
  SPEAKER_00: The last thing is also speaking with honesty and kindness, because again, instead of being in that filter and that lens of like, this is gonna happen and this is gonna happen, allowing yourself to be honest, be vulnerable, be kind, and not in the fact of like I just need to like cover it up and you know speak so that way they're comfortable or be like, oh my God, I'm so sorry, and having to apologize a million times because I definitely have done that before.
• 41:36
  SPEAKER_00: Allowing yourself to just be honest and kindness and come and replace from your heart instead of your mind, your ego.
• 41:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, something that came to mind is like we don't always know what our triggers of our friends are, what our wounds are.
• 41:50
  SPEAKER_01: Obviously, you know, you're figuring that out like a whole uh when you're in a partnership with relationships, right?
• 41:56
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, so we don't know those things, and then we can like get triggered or mad like at the other person.
• 42:01
  SPEAKER_01: So I remember um I had a friend that was always like, I arrive on divine timing, and she was like always late or whatever, right?
• 42:07
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, okay.
• 42:08
  SPEAKER_01: And then like we went to go do something with like another friend, and then I had talked about like, oh, I didn't know if you were gonna be here on time or if you were gonna be late, because like literally, and then she and then later she's like, You're trying to embarrass me in front of that person.
• 42:19
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, Well, but you literally talk about showing up on divine timing and like you're late all the time.
• 42:24
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm like, I'm so confused because I thought that was like, right?
• 42:27
  SPEAKER_01: So like we don't always know our our triggers and and and our you know what's gonna like maybe bother like a friend and psycho because I'm like, I'm you're joking about it over here all the time.
• 42:36
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, I'm just joking about it here, but like now like you're upset.
• 42:38
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, I'm so confused.
• 42:39
  SPEAKER_01: And so like that's gonna happen too, right?
• 42:41
  SPEAKER_01: So like all the things that Lisa was just talking about is so important is like or owning your part, you know, listening to understand, speaking with honesty and kindness.
• 42:50
  SPEAKER_01: Those are all gonna be really, really important.
• 42:52
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, being able to have be brave enough to bring up the stuff that's let that may be like triggering you or whatever, right?
• 43:00
  SPEAKER_01: Because it's like for me, I was like, oh, I just thought, you know, that we're just having a conversation or whatever.
• 43:04
  SPEAKER_01: I wasn't trying to like put you out there, right?
• 43:06
  SPEAKER_01: But like obviously she had something in the background that made her feel insecure about her being late.
• 43:10
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't know that because like literally that's what she said all the time, right?
• 43:14
  SPEAKER_01: And so um, you know, really being able to uh open yourself up and like really like understand that like we don't always know like what's gonna like irk the other person, or like sometimes we may not even know it about ourselves.
• 43:28
  SPEAKER_01: And so like having those conversations is like super important and like maybe even like once you're getting closer with somebody, right?
• 43:34
  SPEAKER_01: So, like, okay, let's just talk about like the evolution of a friendship is like okay, we go to coffee, like we're getting to know each other, like we go take like a day trip, we're getting to know each other, we're talking, we're like getting to know each other and stuff like that.
• 43:44
  SPEAKER_01: And then, like, you know, you guys are getting closer, so like you're hanging out more often, right?
• 43:48
  SPEAKER_01: Then you're gonna start seeing more of that person's quirks and more of those person's like maybe unconscious behaviors and stuff.
• 43:52
  SPEAKER_01: And so, like, it's gonna like evolve.
• 43:54
  SPEAKER_01: And so, all these things we've been talking about are about having like a deep convers or deep relationship and friendship.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_01: With somebody, right?
• 44:01
  SPEAKER_01: And so um there's so much power in being able to like have those harder conversations.
• 44:05
  SPEAKER_01: And so one of the questions you can start asking yourself as this is a healing podcast, and we're talking about growth and evolution and like becoming, you know, our sovereign self is are you the friend that you want to be, right?
• 44:18
  SPEAKER_01: Like, am I emotionally available?
• 44:21
  SPEAKER_01: Or am I like always talking about myself or always coming in with like this problem or this problem or am always fighting with my partner, right?
• 44:28
  SPEAKER_01: Like, are you emotionally available to like hold space for for the for your friend, right?
• 44:32
  SPEAKER_01: Um, am I a safe person for them, right?
• 44:34
  SPEAKER_01: Am I am I judging them?
• 44:36
  SPEAKER_01: Am I like, you know, like giving them solid um feedback, right?
• 44:42
  SPEAKER_01: Like what kind of friend am I being in that person?
• 44:44
  SPEAKER_01: Like am I am I just listening or am I always trying to fix, right?
• 44:47
  SPEAKER_01: Like I know for me, like I learned my I I do my best to learn my friends.
• 44:51
  SPEAKER_01: So like I have one friend where I'm like, I just listen.
• 44:54
  SPEAKER_01: Like she doesn't really want my feedback, which is fine, right?
• 44:56
  SPEAKER_01: Like I don't need to give you my feedback, right?
• 44:58
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you know, am I celebrating my friends, right?
• 45:01
  SPEAKER_01: Like I know I was just celebrating Lisa like all week this week.
• 45:04
  SPEAKER_01: Like I love what you're doing.
• 45:05
  SPEAKER_01: I love your um welcome video.
• 45:07
  SPEAKER_01: Like I was like just hyping her up, right?
• 45:09
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I don't know, who doesn't want like a need and get hype girl every once in a while, right?
• 45:12
  SPEAKER_01: So, like, are you hyping up your friends?
• 45:14
  SPEAKER_01: Are you celebrating them, right?
• 45:16
  SPEAKER_01: Um, are you having that honest communication that we've been talking about?
• 45:19
  SPEAKER_01: But like, do I initiate to hang out?
• 45:22
  SPEAKER_01: Like, if it's one-sided and they're always calling and always texting, like that's gonna fizzle out because you're not putting the effort in, right?
• 45:28
  SPEAKER_01: So, like for me, and I don't know, uh it kind of can go either way.
• 45:33
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I match the energy and frequency and vibration and effort that my that the person is, right?
• 45:39
  SPEAKER_01: Like, yeah, if they're not like reaching to hang out, or if they're not putting the energy in, or like they're always canceling, always making an excuse, then like I'm not gonna put the energy in, like, I'm not gonna do it.
• 45:47
  SPEAKER_01: And I think sometimes it it's tough because like for me, I know I've had some girlfriends that went into motherhood, so I kind of backed off because like you're busy, you're mom, you have an infant, right?
• 45:57
  SPEAKER_01: Like it's not because I don't love you, it's not because I don't want to hang out with you, it's because like I'm giving you space, but then like I'm noticing me feeling really sad that I'm having talked to those friends in a while.
• 46:06
  SPEAKER_01: So I actually initiated a happy hour the other week where I'm like, I know you're all busy and I know we're all busy, but I think what like we put it out on the calendar like a month and a half or something like that.
• 46:15
  SPEAKER_01: But it's like we're gonna do it, right?
• 46:17
  SPEAKER_01: We're gonna put it on and we're gonna like come and like we're gonna like, and it was really nice.
• 46:20
  SPEAKER_01: And then they were like, Oh my god, I miss you guys.
• 46:22
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, we should do this more often.
• 46:23
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like being in my head, like, yeah, like I have the space because I'm not that new mom that I can initiate it.
• 46:29
  SPEAKER_01: And so, like, these are my like friends that I've been friends with for like 10 years, like, yeah, I'm gonna initiate it because I know that you guys are in that season, right?
• 46:36
  SPEAKER_01: And so um, that's really important too.
• 46:38
  SPEAKER_01: Like, are you initiating?
• 46:40
  SPEAKER_01: Are you making time?
• 46:40
  SPEAKER_01: And am I willing to be vulnerable, right?
• 46:43
  SPEAKER_01: Like, am I willing to have the hard conversations or like open up and like let our friends like see the other parts of ourselves?
• 46:51
  SPEAKER_01: That's really important too.
• 46:52
  SPEAKER_01: So sometimes friendships friendships we are praying for begin with becoming that friend ourselves for ourselves, right?
• 46:58
  SPEAKER_01: Like, am I being the friend that I want to be?
• 47:00
  SPEAKER_01: And then really the next thing is are you receiving your friendship?
• 47:04
  SPEAKER_01: Because very few people know how to receive, you know, like this one like kind of really irks me because I feel like people will suffer in silence alone.
• 47:14
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, why didn't you call me?
• 47:17
  SPEAKER_01: Why didn't you send a text?
• 47:19
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 47:19
  SPEAKER_01: Like that's one part of it, right?
• 47:21
  SPEAKER_01: Asking for help.
• 47:22
  SPEAKER_01: Um, also like reaching out to our friends that we like might may not have talked to in a long time.
• 47:26
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe they like stopped posting or you haven't seen them or heard from them, and you like you have that feeling, like, oh, I should check on so and so.
• 47:33
  SPEAKER_01: Chances are they're going through it, right?
• 47:35
  SPEAKER_01: So, like, are we checking on our friends?
• 47:36
  SPEAKER_01: But like, are we asking for help and being vulnerable and being like, I'm having a really hard time.
• 47:40
  SPEAKER_01: Like, my me and my partner are fighting, or I got, you know, let go for my job, or like whatever it is, like asking for that help, help, and then like letting people check in on you.
• 47:48
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I know way too many people are like, I'll just do it myself, I'll just figure it out.
• 47:52
  SPEAKER_01: But I was like, that's literally not like the way that we're made as humans.
• 47:55
  SPEAKER_01: Again, we need that community, we need that connection with others.
• 47:59
  SPEAKER_01: And then I could go a few different ways with this too, like accepting compliments or accepting when somebody gives you something.
• 48:07
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I know I've been on the water lately, paddle boarding, and I think of two different experiences where um I had found these extra fins, like literally found it.
• 48:16
  SPEAKER_01: And like uh this girl had made a comment about it and it matched her board, and I was like, take it, take it.
• 48:21
  SPEAKER_01: And she's like, No, no, no.
• 48:22
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, literally, I just found it.
• 48:24
  SPEAKER_01: Like it means nothing to me.
• 48:25
  SPEAKER_01: I don't even know what I'm gonna do.
• 48:26
  SPEAKER_01: And she like would not take it.
• 48:28
  SPEAKER_01: So like it came up a few different times, and I was like, here, take the thing.
• 48:31
  SPEAKER_01: I put it on her board, I'm like, it is yours, right?
• 48:33
  SPEAKER_01: So it's like, are you accepting the things that the universe is giving you, right?
• 48:37
  SPEAKER_01: That God is giving you through your friends, right?
• 48:39
  SPEAKER_01: Are you like when I went to out to happy hour the other day with my girlfriends?
• 48:42
  SPEAKER_01: I think the bill was like 50 bucks because we like got a super sick happy hour, and my girlfriend was like, I'll just pay for this, like, forget it.
• 48:48
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, Cool, thank you.
• 48:50
  SPEAKER_01: I appreciate you.
• 48:50
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I will accept that, right?
• 48:52
  SPEAKER_01: So um, being able to like accept that is really, really important too.
• 48:57
  SPEAKER_01: So your inner child may have learned that needing people wasn't safe.
• 49:00
  SPEAKER_01: Healing teaches us that our healthy dependence isn't weak, right?
• 49:04
  SPEAKER_01: So we don't want to be codependent.
• 49:06
  SPEAKER_01: I had a lot of codependency.
• 49:07
  SPEAKER_01: We could do a whole episode on that, um, right?
• 49:09
  SPEAKER_01: But like it's okay to ask for help for others.
• 49:11
  SPEAKER_01: That doesn't mean you're weak, that doesn't mean you're not good enough, it doesn't mean anything about you.
• 49:15
  SPEAKER_01: It means like you are human and life is life and we need support and help.
• 49:20
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 49:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I think too, with you sharing all this stuff or just like reach like letting someone check in on you or letting you check in on someone else when it is like when it matters to you, you know, like even though life is life in lately, you know.
• 49:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I think sometimes too, as a reminder, that we often put the highlight reel on social media.
• 49:39
  SPEAKER_00: So again, it may feel like you're a part of someone's life because you're seeing their updates on social media, but like you really don't know what happens behind the scenes.
• 49:47
  SPEAKER_00: So you don't know what someone's going through.
• 49:50
  SPEAKER_00: You don't know if they're having an amazing day or a shit day, you know, but allowing yourself to just give your give a check-in to your friends, you know.
• 49:58
  SPEAKER_00: And again, like I know I would, you know, have the mask of everything is fine, I'm great, and you know, everything's bubbly and amazing, you know.
• 50:07
  SPEAKER_00: My I then it didn't teach my friends to reach out to me.
• 50:09
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't teach them like I was going through stuff, right?
• 50:12
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you know, so again, I'm like, why aren't people like realizing that I'm going through it?
• 50:16
  SPEAKER_00: Like, oh, that's because I act like everything's fine all the time, you know.
• 50:20
  SPEAKER_00: So allowing yourself to be vulnerable and be like, hey, I'm thinking of you.
• 50:25
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just kind of, you know, I just need a little support right now.
• 50:27
  SPEAKER_00: Like, hey, you got a minute, like something like that would really be helpful.
• 50:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so you're again, you're teaching your friends how to care for you and how to reach out to you.
• 50:37
  SPEAKER_00: So we're gonna get into that, which is a perfect way to get into the our last part of this series and how to navigate these friendships is understanding yourself and understanding each other.
• 50:51
  SPEAKER_00: And of course, what I relate to the best of obviously healing, you learn a lot of your patterns and your tendencies and awareness.
• 50:58
  SPEAKER_00: But another really cool way to understand yourself is through astrology.
• 51:03
  SPEAKER_00: So if you know your birthplace, your birth time, and your birth location, um, those are going to be how you look up your birth chart.
• 51:12
  SPEAKER_00: And your birth chart can be super simple from a place called Cave Astrology, or you can literally just type in birth chart and you'll find a site to be able to plug in the information and see what your signs are and where the planets are in your chart, which you can easily, instead of from instead of having to study all 12 signs, you can literally just pare it down to the elements.
• 51:35
  SPEAKER_00: And that's how I share about uh your your birth chart when I read birth charts and where I share them and what I'm doing currently in my my program that I am.
• 51:44
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to be going through the birth charts of everybody because I think it's so important to understand your big three, which is your sun, moon, and rising.
• 51:51
  SPEAKER_00: Most of most of us just know our sun, which is like the season that it is, the zodiac sign that it is when we're born.
• 51:57
  SPEAKER_00: But I believe the moon is so, so important because that is your emotions, that is your internal world and who you are, maybe when you're home alone or allowing yourself to feel all the things.
• 52:11
  SPEAKER_00: So there's different things that can happen when you understand your moon sign.
• 52:15
  SPEAKER_00: You can, of course, have more compassion for yourself and for others, which allows you to show up in a different way.
• 52:21
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe you do know your moon sign, and moon signs are really important for compatibility as well.
• 52:26
  SPEAKER_00: So understanding the moon side of myself and my partner's moon sign, it really helps because again, we can nourish each other in the different like love language that we have for our emotions and what might work best for us.
• 52:38
  SPEAKER_00: Again, it's understanding Desi is in mind.
• 52:40
  SPEAKER_00: So Desi's got an earth moon, I have an air moon.
• 52:43
  SPEAKER_00: So I, as an air moon, need to express and process through words and conversation.
• 52:48
  SPEAKER_00: So Desi knows that.
• 52:49
  SPEAKER_00: And Desi's like, it's a little too much sometimes, but I love you and I'll listen to you, you know, you know, and it's it's fine.
• 52:55
  SPEAKER_00: And again, Desi is like, she needs this ability, she needs to be grounded.
• 53:00
  SPEAKER_00: So whenever she's going through it, I'm like, hey, why don't you like get yourself?
• 53:04
  SPEAKER_00: She loves to slow down at the end of the night.
• 53:06
  SPEAKER_00: She loves to veg out a little bit on TV and allowing herself to relax and get lazy and find comfort in her own home and blankets and being with her animals and her husband, like, because it's comfort, it's comfort, it's finding that stability and that safety and allowing herself to feel good and you feel nourished when you're able to uh understand these things and when you actually follow through with it.
• 53:27
  SPEAKER_00: So, fire signs, of course, we have um Aries, we have Leo, and then we have Sagittarius.
• 53:36
  SPEAKER_00: So if you do have a fire sign, or even if you have fire sign, fire element in your chart, whether it's a lot in your big three or your moon specifically, it's really about needing to have fun.
• 53:48
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe sometimes you need just the movement, you need to have fun, you need to be able to express yourself loudly as well.
• 53:55
  SPEAKER_00: You like to do all the things.
• 53:58
  SPEAKER_00: And but when you are having a bad day, for example, you really need to walk and talk it out.
• 54:02
  SPEAKER_00: You really need to do the movement, maybe you need to sweat, um, and it allow you to actually just release things.
• 54:08
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes the fire moons, they can get a little bit, they can have a little bit of a temper and automatically release on somebody, which can be good for them because they feel better.
• 54:19
  SPEAKER_00: And it's kind of like a quick burnout because they're like, they need to express and be done with it.
• 54:24
  SPEAKER_00: Um, sometimes it's really good and you and they need to have a safe place for that, whether they scream into a pillow or where whether someone is like, hey, I got you, go ahead and scream at me if you need to.
• 54:33
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm not taking it personal, but like allowing yourself to express is going to be it.
• 54:38
  SPEAKER_00: And like allowing the other person to not judge them for it either, because that's just the way they express and that what feels best for them.
• 54:44
  SPEAKER_00: So that way they can move forward, right?
• 54:47
  SPEAKER_00: So allowing the different things and elements to actually play play a part in your emotions and in your feelings.
• 54:53
  SPEAKER_00: Because again, when you're fire, you're fiery, you're you're uh bossy, you're aggressive sometimes, and you know, it can turn really quickly, you know, because it's that temperament that like lights up really quickly.
• 55:06
  SPEAKER_00: So you don't want to be on their bad side, but allowing them to express is going to be super, super healing for that person, whether it's you or your friend, right?
• 55:15
  SPEAKER_00: So we got the earth moons next and earth elements.
• 55:18
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna say it's a little bit generalized, but again, I'm gonna kind of relate to a couple of things that you need specifically as a moon with this sign.
• 55:25
  SPEAKER_00: So the earth moons, it's Taurus, it's Virgo, and it's Capricorn.
• 55:29
  SPEAKER_00: So no matter what Earth Moon you have as a generalized thing, is that you are just reasonable and logical.
• 55:36
  SPEAKER_00: So you definitely do depend on uh being more logical and being more practical.
• 55:42
  SPEAKER_00: So you need the practical things.
• 55:43
  SPEAKER_00: You don't really, yes, you do feel the feels, but you're more practical about it.
• 55:48
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe it's cleaning, maybe it's making sure you're more organized.
• 55:52
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's as simple as like, I just if if your money is tight right now, like you could be like freaking out.
• 55:58
  SPEAKER_00: So you need to have your finances taken care of, or you love money as a gift, even so as this with this moon.
• 56:05
  SPEAKER_00: So sometimes it's a material thing, sometimes it's money as a gift, but you really just need that security and reassurance and stability, certainty.
• 56:13
  SPEAKER_00: So you kind of need patterns.
• 56:15
  SPEAKER_00: You don't love change when things change, it may uh throw you off, you know, it may allow you it kind of threatens that stability as well.
• 56:24
  SPEAKER_00: So it may not feel great.
• 56:26
  SPEAKER_00: So again, you need check-ins as well because you need that stability and safety in place to remind yourself that you're important as well, and practical things, especially a Virgo moon, you definitely need um someone just to show up and do it.
• 56:40
  SPEAKER_00: Otherwise, you'll take it all on your own and do it on your own and just be like, I'm fine, I got this, you know, instead of letting someone else take the reins, you know, especially those Virgos as well.
• 56:49
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you you are always in the um space to serve and to do for others instead of taking care of your own self.
• 56:58
  SPEAKER_00: So take care of your own self, all of you earth moons, because it's super important instead of just hustling and doing the thing.
• 57:04
  SPEAKER_00: And then another thing too is actually finding a practical way to um solve things.
• 57:10
  SPEAKER_00: So if you are in a fight with an earth moon, actually talking about like, hey, let's talk about how we can solve this moving forward, because a solution will be better than talking actually about the feelings and about the like, how did we do this?
• 57:22
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it might work, but maybe it's better to just be like, hey, what can we do better?
• 57:27
  SPEAKER_00: And how can we create a better um uh solution for this?
• 57:32
  SPEAKER_00: Or what can we do moving forward?
• 57:34
  SPEAKER_00: That way we both feel good.
• 57:36
  SPEAKER_00: Also, compliments are really great for these earth moons as well.
• 57:39
  SPEAKER_00: So you're so proud of them, you're doing some things to support them, you're encouraging them, and that will also be super, super helpful.
• 57:48
  SPEAKER_00: Can you speak on that, Desi, at all?
• 57:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 57:50
  SPEAKER_01: Now, everything you said, I was like, yep, mm-hmm, yep, yep, yeah, that's good.
• 57:53
  SPEAKER_01: Now I think it is really cool to find out like your besties, you know, moon sign because you're right, like she does have a lot of air, which she does need to like talk about it since she's a double gen, like Gemini, right?
• 58:02
  SPEAKER_01: So um, my husband also is very similar in that too.
• 58:05
  SPEAKER_01: So they like to talk it out.
• 58:06
  SPEAKER_01: So being able to hold space for them and like like cool, their processing and like knowing that.
• 58:11
  SPEAKER_01: But yeah, the compliments and like the like let's find a solution, all that like really tracks.
• 58:16
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, good.
• 58:18
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so then we're getting into the air moons, which I am.
• 58:21
  SPEAKER_00: So air moons would be Gemini, Libra, and Aquarius.
• 58:25
  SPEAKER_00: So as an air moon sign, you need to process out loud, like I said.
• 58:29
  SPEAKER_00: And if maybe that's with you know a friend, maybe that's with a partner, or if therapy actually works for you, probably because also you just need to talk and you just need to have someone to sit there and listen to you.
• 58:41
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I'm curious actually, Desi, about your one client because we talked about that recently as well.
• 58:45
  SPEAKER_00: Like sometimes you just need to talk and process it and just have someone sit there with you.
• 58:50
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and of course, the big thing about that is that you do not like to be interrupted.
• 58:55
  SPEAKER_00: So just interrupt the air moon because they will get pissed and they'll probably shut down.
• 59:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, which is also something that I do because again, you just want to talk and you want someone to to hear you, you want to be heard, and that validates you feeling important.
• 59:11
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and sometimes it's you know, let them talk without interrupting, sometimes it's like asking them questions so they talk.
• 59:18
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes, you know, we can shut down, and sometimes you have to pull it out of them, be like, Well, what happened with this?
• 59:24
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah, you know, and allowing that to to be a space of creating that safe space to be to communicate.
• 59:31
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's through text, maybe it's through voice notes, maybe it's through something.
• 59:36
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you know, one of my friends recently uh was texting we're kind of catching up, and she's asking me all these questions, and I'm like, oh my God, I like she's she's supporting me.
• 59:44
  SPEAKER_00: Like I felt so seen because she's like, How is your podcast?
• 59:47
  SPEAKER_00: How is this going?
• 59:48
  SPEAKER_00: How is this going?
• 59:49
  SPEAKER_00: Did you do this?
• 59:50
  SPEAKER_00: Because she knows like we're both at different spaces.
• 59:52
  SPEAKER_00: We haven't been able to see each other enough to catch up.
• 59:55
  SPEAKER_00: And that I felt really seen, you know, in that moment.
• 59:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, wow, like I feel loved, I feel sane, I feel important because again, she texted me first.
• 1:00:03
  SPEAKER_00: She also like remembered something, you know, that I'm going through, or she remembered my podcast, and that means a lot to me because she was supporting me in that way, right?
• 1:00:12
  SPEAKER_00: So something that new air signs can do, especially me, Aquarius moon.
• 1:00:17
  SPEAKER_00: Aquariuses can be a little bit known for a little bit of detachment.
• 1:00:23
  SPEAKER_00: So Aquarius and air signs in general, um, sometimes we don't know how to feel our feelings because again, we're talking about it.
• 1:00:30
  SPEAKER_00: We're we're doing, we're being more logical because Gemini is ruled by Mercury, which my signs are both ruled by Mercury as well in my big three.
• 1:00:39
  SPEAKER_00: So, like I'm all about the mind and the thought processes and everything.
• 1:00:42
  SPEAKER_00: So I can be in my head all freaking day long.
• 1:00:45
  SPEAKER_00: So that's why I love breath work.
• 1:00:47
  SPEAKER_00: That's why I love the practices that we have because it gets into my body.
• 1:00:50
  SPEAKER_00: And guess what?
• 1:00:51
  SPEAKER_00: It's still practice for me because sometimes I don't know what my feelings are actually are, right?
• 1:00:55
  SPEAKER_00: I can logically talk about them, but again, feeling them sometimes is not easy, which we'll get into the water moons.
• 1:01:02
  SPEAKER_00: The water moons are the feelers, and I am not, and my partner is.
• 1:01:08
  SPEAKER_00: So it's a different dynamic.
• 1:01:10
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't necessarily, you know, always work because we don't understand, we don't have that like, you know, emotional language that makes sense, but we're able to have that common ground and have that compassion for each other.
• 1:01:22
  SPEAKER_00: And again, maybe your partner has a different moon than you.
• 1:01:26
  SPEAKER_00: The you want to think of the elements in a way of like which elements work well together and how can you support each other, right?
• 1:01:33
  SPEAKER_00: So it's like, of course, the earth and the water, they usually nourish each other and it's a little bit easier understanding.
• 1:01:39
  SPEAKER_00: And then the air and the fire, they also go well together.
• 1:01:42
  SPEAKER_00: So me and Desi, she has a double fire in her chart.
• 1:01:44
  SPEAKER_00: I have double air in our chart, and then we have we have earth too.
• 1:01:48
  SPEAKER_00: So we're able to both stay grounded and we're also able to fuel each other, right?
• 1:01:52
  SPEAKER_00: So that is where it's really cool to understand your big three and your moon specifically, because we're able to meet each other in that common ground and support each other.
• 1:02:00
  SPEAKER_00: And of course, since I know the astrology now, I'm like, we got this.
• 1:02:03
  SPEAKER_00: We really understand each other now.
• 1:02:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I also can support her with her husband and with other friendships and understanding different things.
• 1:02:10
  SPEAKER_00: Um, like I've been in different canadians with her and explaining it, and people are like, oh my God, that's so true.
• 1:02:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's not, it's not a like um woo-woo thing exactly because it is the truth.
• 1:02:22
  SPEAKER_00: We're all have these elements within us, and it's just really understanding them and and having the awareness, and then also being able to move forward with um what to do.
• 1:02:31
  SPEAKER_00: The last thing I want to share about the the air signs is they love to have their mind stimulated because of this reason.
• 1:02:38
  SPEAKER_00: They're about the intellect and they're about the understanding, the information, they love to talk.
• 1:02:42
  SPEAKER_00: So get them talking about something they love, they will not shut up.
• 1:02:46
  SPEAKER_00: And then also uh do something that also like keep gets them their mind stimulated.
• 1:02:51
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, doing something that is makes them more curious will also expand them and um just having that space to to share, or like book clubs probably would be great for air moons because they're doing something common and then they can share about it and share their opinion, and they'll feel also feel very seen and be a part of the conversation.
• 1:03:09
  SPEAKER_00: So, lastly, we're gonna get into the water moons.
• 1:03:11
  SPEAKER_00: So we have Cancer, we have Scorpio and Pisces.
• 1:03:15
  SPEAKER_00: Water moons, I love you because you're so intuitive and you're also very sensitive, which again, I am not very accustomed to.
• 1:03:22
  SPEAKER_00: So sometimes I'm like, it's a little too much, but I love you because it's really cool that you have that power.
• 1:03:29
  SPEAKER_00: And with that being said, your intuition is on pretty much all the time.
• 1:03:34
  SPEAKER_00: You are feeling the energy before you even walk to the room, or you feel when something's off automatically.
• 1:03:40
  SPEAKER_00: And this is when you need to cleanse your own energy because you will take on so much, you're very empathetic, and cleansing your energy is going to be highly number one priority for you because again, you're taking everything in around you and it's your body that's responding.
• 1:03:56
  SPEAKER_00: So your body's holding on to things, you need to let it go.
• 1:03:59
  SPEAKER_00: And the other thing is when you that happens all the time for you, you need a lot of space, you need more solitude, you need more alone time.
• 1:04:07
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes because you are the feelers and you're emotional and sensitive, sometimes you don't have the words for what you're actually feeling.
• 1:04:16
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes you can allow it to like engulf you a little bit.
• 1:04:20
  SPEAKER_00: So it's kind of like you're suffering a little bit alone just because you don't have the words, and until you get that space, hey, but until you get that time near water or whatever calms you down or allows you to finally release.
• 1:04:35
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's in the shower and you finally have a good cry.
• 1:04:38
  SPEAKER_00: That is also going to help you, but you really need to get back to that space and get back to that water energy and that energy for you.
• 1:04:47
  SPEAKER_00: So sometimes less words is going to be more beneficial for you.
• 1:04:51
  SPEAKER_00: You love to have the house to yourself.
• 1:04:53
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's a room in your house, maybe it's space in your house, maybe it's things that you also love that really give you that comfort.
• 1:04:59
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes for your partners or friendships, they also just need to give, you know, to support you in a way and to maybe it's just some touch instead, maybe it's a back rub, maybe it's like, hey, you need a hug right now.
• 1:05:10
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe they don't realize until they get that hug and just like, oh, I just needed that.
• 1:05:14
  SPEAKER_00: I needed that connection, I needed that support.
• 1:05:16
  SPEAKER_00: And that's going to also really support them.
• 1:05:19
  SPEAKER_00: The other thing is, you know, sometimes the water moon also needs to be recognized where it's like, hey, I'm not gonna keep asking what's wrong, but like I'm here if you need anything.
• 1:05:29
  SPEAKER_00: And again, it kind of they need that alone space first, and then they can come back and be like, hey, here's what's going on.
• 1:05:35
  SPEAKER_00: And again, where I have that air moon, I want to talk about it.
• 1:05:38
  SPEAKER_00: My boyfriend has that water, so he needs a process before he can come to me.
• 1:05:41
  SPEAKER_00: And actually, Desi has your partner as well, has that water moon as well, and they can recognize the energy, which is amazing, and it's so cool to have that in a relationship where they're like what's wrong and annoying, oh, for sure, because you can't lie.
• 1:05:55
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like a P Messy, what do you want from me?
• 1:05:56
  SPEAKER_00: I'm fine, I'm fine, yeah.
• 1:05:58
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 1:05:59
  SPEAKER_00: Um Personal sometimes, which we love them for it.
• 1:06:02
  SPEAKER_00: But right.
• 1:06:03
  SPEAKER_00: Again, it's just it's just it's allowing it's allowing them to also have the time and and the understanding and being like, hey, I got you, you know, whenever you're ready, we can talk about it, we can, you know, support each other in it and what feels good for us, but sometimes they just need their time for a moment.
• 1:06:18
  SPEAKER_00: So allowing them to not spin in their anxiety or depression, because again, they can get in their head and very indecisive as well because they're feeling all the things and they just don't have that direction sometimes.
• 1:06:30
  SPEAKER_00: So allowing them some space will be really helpful.
• 1:06:33
  SPEAKER_00: The last thing I want to remind you if you um do live with your partner or your friend that has a water, like is pretty like a lot of watermelon element or water moon, do not invade their privacy, do not go through the personal things like without their permit permission because they will feel really offended as well.
• 1:06:53
  SPEAKER_00: So just something to remind you.
• 1:06:55
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so I know that's probably for somebody, so or they had an experience with it, or someone got pissed off.
• 1:07:02
  SPEAKER_00: But um, again, ever all of us elements and all of these moon signs, we all have our own tendencies, we all have our own abilities.
• 1:07:10
  SPEAKER_00: And it's just really understanding awareness that comes back to we're all human, we're all going through emotions, we're all going through our own experience.
• 1:07:16
  SPEAKER_00: And again, it's about coming together, it's about communicating, about being honest and allowing your feelings to be valid, your feelings to also be very important during this time.
• 1:07:29
  SPEAKER_00: So hopefully that helps.
• 1:07:31
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 1:07:31
  SPEAKER_01: So your homework is to go find your friends that you're really close with and find out what their moon sign is.
• 1:07:36
  SPEAKER_01: Come back to the section of the podcast and see how it applies to them.
• 1:07:40
  SPEAKER_01: That's gonna be really cool uh little thing to talk about your friend with, to get closer with, to have a deeper understanding of them.
• 1:07:47
  SPEAKER_01: So a few questions that we wanted to leave you guys with is where am I settling in friendships?
• 1:07:54
  SPEAKER_01: Mm-hmm.
• 1:07:54
  SPEAKER_01: Where am I settling in friendships?
• 1:07:56
  SPEAKER_01: Where am I not speaking my truth?
• 1:07:58
  SPEAKER_01: And then what boundaries am I afraid to set?
• 1:08:01
  SPEAKER_01: Because there probably is some boundaries that you heard Lisa speak about today where you're just like, oh, I couldn't do that.
• 1:08:06
  SPEAKER_01: That'd be way too hard.
• 1:08:07
  SPEAKER_01: And the truth is when you're not setting your boundaries, you're just taking your own personal power away from yourself.
• 1:08:12
  SPEAKER_01: So boundaries are so, so important.
• 1:08:14
  SPEAKER_01: And then what qualities do I want in the next season of my friendship?
• 1:08:18
  SPEAKER_01: Get clear about it.
• 1:08:20
  SPEAKER_01: I have a ton of journal prompts on like what it is I wanted from a friend and like who it is and how it is and stuff like that.
• 1:08:26
  SPEAKER_01: And like it didn't manifest that quick for me to be honest, but it did, and now it's amazing, and I love it, and it's so cool.
• 1:08:32
  SPEAKER_01: So, like, manifest those friendships by writing it down and doing that envisioning.
• 1:08:37
  SPEAKER_01: And uh the last one here is who makes me feel safe enough to fully be myself, right?
• 1:08:43
  SPEAKER_01: Like, who can I really like be like I can be have like one of my friends too, she was like hangry the other day.
• 1:08:49
  SPEAKER_01: She's like, I'm sorry, I'm just so hangry.
• 1:08:50
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, girl, I get so hangry too.
• 1:08:52
  SPEAKER_01: Like you do you, like, I feel like it's an honor when I have friends that can be themselves in front of me, right?
• 1:08:59
  SPEAKER_01: So, like being able to have that, like who can I really be myself fully with um will be really helpful to see, like, okay, what are those values?
• 1:09:05
  SPEAKER_01: What is that vision I want for a friendship that'll help you get really clear on like what is it that I actually do want for myself and for my uh friendships.
• 1:09:12
  SPEAKER_01: So, wow, that was a long episode, guys.
• 1:09:14
  SPEAKER_01: But thank you for sticking with us.
• 1:09:16
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, we are so grateful for you.
• 1:09:18
  SPEAKER_01: Please share, like, save, leave a comment, all the things.
• 1:09:21
  SPEAKER_01: The more that you engage with our podcast and our Instagram at Real Talk Real Healing, uh, is so helpful for us to continue to spread the word, spread the mission, and all the good stuff.
• 1:09:32
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks, guys.
• 1:09:33
  SPEAKER_00: Bye.
• 1:09:34
  SPEAKER_00: See you next time.