Latest / The Pressing Play Podcast / Ep9 Pressing Play on Peri Rage and The Anger Nobody Warned You About
Transcript
- Joanne Fiddy: Hello and welcome to the Pressing Play podcast. It is a joy to have you here today. Tune in, buckle up. We are talking about an issue of perimenopause that is not talked about enough. ⁓ One that I love talking about it. I've been featured in Top Sante. I run workshops on this challenge. It is peri-rage. Yes, the anger, the rage that feels like it comes from nowhere. And it's one symptom that women I speak to again and again and again feel so ashamed of themselves. It can really impact that spiral of unravelling where you feel like you are unravelling in perimenopause. then the anger and the shame on top. And it's not one that many women are talking about. And it's one we are talking about today. We are in this together, my loves. So I've got a cup of tea on the go. I highly recommend you get a little brew in your hand too, or whatever your hot drink of choice is, wherever you're listening to this in the world, because actually, have some news, can you believe that the Press Play podcast is charting in Australia? Yes, in Australia. Pressing Play is going global. I am so here for it. I am slightly surprised. Well, we all know it's all going to happen. The Press Play movement is coming. So this is all happening and I can't believe it. I really can't. So wherever you are in the world, let's get started. Let's talk about peri-rage and anger. Let's understand what's going on. And I'm going to give you a little exercise I do in my workshops to support you if you are feeling that irritation and that simmering. Okay, let's get started. Let's press play. So firstly, what is going on? Maybe you are finding yourself snapping at loved ones, your partner, feeling really irritated at work. There's some things, ⁓ don't get me started with me in tech, I tell you. Maybe there's something going on where it wouldn't usually bother you, but now it does. And maybe people are commenting about it, who you live with. you just might be feeling it in yourself. And so we're gonna dive deep now to find out the layers that I believe there are layers to this and why we're experiencing this anger and why it's coming through because we are experiencing it though we're not talking about it. Stats show that 70 % of women are experiencing mood changes, irritability and anger. That's... 70 % and that's a statistic I believe that we just shouldn't ignore. So okay, let's jump in. Let's see what's going on. So firstly, if you're brand new to the Pressing Play podcast, welcome. I do go into the science to start with. I think it's important that we understand our bodies because we weren't really taught this at school. So we'll maybe start today with a bit of a school lesson. Right, let's Estrogen. is packed inside our beautiful, gorgeous brains. And estrogen has been a buffer. Some may say a sedative, but a buffer. And estrogen loves to hang out with all your happy hormones. Bit of a girl gang. So you've got your happy ones, which is serotonin, GABA, melatonin. You then have progesterone. Progesterone's like your calm and easy friend. that supports you if you're feeling a bit anxious, all of these things, we've completely taken them for granted. They're all in our brain. And what can happen is, as we go through perimenopause, we're on this wild ride. It goes up and it goes down. So that buffer that we had that helped us with our mood can drop. So suddenly we feel more anxious. We feel more irritable. And this is all happening inside of our head. and also hormonal fluctuations can also have a disruptive effect on the HPA axis. That is your hypothalic pituitary adrenal axis. Now, what is that? It's really important. It connects the brain to the glands for the body's stress response. Now, Disruption of the HPA access can make it more challenging to cope with ⁓ everyday stressors. Like for instance, someone like cutting you off in the road or something you're driving. then, estrogen drops and you might find yourself snapping and feeling more irritable. Okay? that's the science lesson. But number two, let's just take that a little bit further because it all depends, doesn't it, on the person, ⁓ what's going on in your life right now. Paramenopause comes at an incredibly busy time. And not to mention, ⁓ if you symptoms such as not sleeping at night, feeling really hot, not being able to eat your favourite food, maybe you love a glass of wine or two and that's not working out for you right now, you're not sure who you are without these things or you're gaining weight. All of these stresses, however they are individually to you, may also impact how you are feeling. So you wake up and you haven't slept. You then drink coffee and cortisol is higher in perimenopause. So that coffee is landing higher. You're having double shots of cortisol with your coffee. Your cortisol is already spiking. Then what happens? Also your glucose and how you tolerate sugar is different as well. So maybe you have spiked your sugar levels already by the time it's the morning and you're feeling hangry and you're hungry. and then something else happens and something else and something else and something else and you just go pop. Does that sound familiar? Yeah, Not to mention what's going on in the world that you are in. The sandwich generation. Taking care of your parents. You've never had to worry about them before, but now you are. And then simultaneously, perhaps you're taking care of children as well. At the same time. Then you might also be juggling your career. Starting a new business. Starting a new purpose. The house. You might be going through a divorce, finding love, just busy, busy, busy. And it is a lot. Now, let's talk about the shame that can come from the anger. I have definitely snapped and gone, anyone else here doing the same? So. I believe, and I've seen women coming together in my workshops, it is people-pleasers, all recovering people-pleasers, that are struggling with this new voice and this new version of themselves. It's like something is starting to come out of them. And usually, they keep everything running. We make sure everybody is happy. Now, as I say this, I'm raising my hand. I am a recovering people, please, and myself. So we're used to keeping everyone happy. And that might mean suppressing our own needs in order for everyone else to be okay. But as we go through perimenopause, it starts to push out a little bit. We might start saying no. We might find some boundaries are coming in, they might not feel comfortable, especially in the unraveling. But let's pause here. What if... this new voice, this anger. is actually your friend. and she's had enough. Let's take it back a notch. Let's talk about Beliefs when it comes to being a woman. You can't be an angry woman. ⁓ no, no, no, no, no. You've got to keep the peace. I mean, don't they? And please teachers do write in if I've got this correct or not. My understanding is they put girls next to boys in order to help keep the peace in the classroom. I know I've got some teachers who listen to this. I'm excited to hear what you have to say about this one. So yes. From a young age, we are taught to keep the peace and to a certain point suppress ourselves and our needs. Not all the time, not with everything. But just understanding, we talk about belief soundtrack a lot here on Pressing Play. Beliefs are the beliefs that you picked up in childhood, teenage years, and they are subconsciously running the show, whether we can consciously hear them or not. And when we become consciously aware of our beliefs, we can edit them, we can change them, we can remix them. Okay, going back to that irritation, that new voice, that little bit of anger poking through. What if it is a friend? Imagine there's a dinner party, and I talk about this a lot in my workshops, imagine if there's a dinner party and we're all at the dinner party with our emotions. Joy, she's there, of course she's there. Joy is there, happiness, anxiety's there, she's on trend. Burnout is in there, sadness is allowed in. All of them, they're all there. Anger. Oh no, she's not allowed. No, no, no. She's definitely not allowed to the party. And we're all there having our party, having our dinner party. And she's there with her nose pressed against the window, knocking loudly. Let me in. Let me in. I have something to say, but we don't want anger in there. No, no, no, no, no. She's going to ruin the party. She's going to ruin the party. And so we turn our backs and we ignore her. And maybe we have been ignoring her. and that voice for decades of our lives. So what happens? Anger kicks down the door. She's had enough. This is the perimenopause version. I know you're here with the metaphor. Anger kicks down the door. She's like, I've had enough. I have had enough. I want a chair at the table and I want you to hear what I have to say. And everyone's like, what's she gonna say? And this is your opportunity to welcome this part of you and hear what she has to say with kindness, with love, with curiosity. Because what if this new voice is here to take care of you? And she's saying, you take care of everybody else and I have watched. how you are burning yourself into the ground. No, you need to take care of yourself now. We are in a marathon, not a sprint. And the way you are working right now is exhausting. No wonder you're tired. No wonder you're snapping. Maybe there's a dream tucked up your sleeve and anger's like, get that dream out and put it on the table. What is the message that she's bringing you? and I invite you to gently welcome her in. What if perimenopause is a superpower? ⁓ Let's sit with that for a If this emotion that you are feeling right now had a message, what would it be? What would it be, my love? What have you been ignoring? What has been taking away your energy? And what's the message of this emotion? And it may be hard to hear. What's the loving message of this emotion? Where have your boundaries been crossed? Where are you saying yes when you want to say no? We're all doing it. Don't you worry. Go, feel like I say yes to so many things. You're like, ⁓ why did I say no? And then you have to go back and say no. It's even harder. So where are you saying yes when you deep down in your bones want to say no? And what area of your life needs to change for you to move forwards? Perimenopause is one of the greatest pivots of our lives. We are so lucky to be going through perimenopause. Aging is such a gift. But as we go through perimenopause, there is an unraveling. There is a layer, shedding, an awakening. And maybe you're sitting here and you're feeling it too. I know I am. I'm feeling it. It's letting go of things that we are doing that are not serving us. And that isn't always easy. Pressing play definitely takes courage. There's moments when I don't want to press play, but we do to move forwards, to become the person we're going to become in the future. And my goodness, your 90 year old self, it's cheering you on right now. So Parry Rage, ⁓ at the message. is coming through for you? And how can this voice support you? Right. things you can do Number one, if the anger is impacting your life, do go and speak to your medical team. Find someone you can talk to. So if the anger is consistent all of the time and is impacting your life, number one, go and speak to your medical team. Number two, If you're feeling the simmer, the rrrr, go and find your favourite rage sports. Yes, a rage sports. It could be putting on your headphones and going for a sprint to something like the prodigy. ⁓ I love a prodigy. Put them on. Go, go, go. Punch the bag in the gym. Boxing. Whatever you want to do, get it out. Energy loves to move. Cortisol loves to move. Anger loves to move. Do something productive with how you feel. It's very energy, isn't it? It's quite a high energy anger. Get it out. Do something with your body that can help. I also read somewhere, I have to find out where I read it. There's rage rooms. I'm not sure if it's in London or America. I know it's very vague. I will find out. I might pop it in the show notes. And it's a rage room where you can just smash things. How amazing would that be? I know over here where I live, I live in Munich and there... Me and my friends did it and there you can throw a tennis ball at a wall, which is a game. And that was incredible. We were laughing hysterically by the end of it. And that's number three, get together with your friends. People that you love, that make you laugh. Emotional release, emotional relief is a fantastic concept for you to bring in. So let it out and then do something that makes you feel fantastic. Next, you can into HRT. explore HRT if it works for you. Find out the benefits, especially if you're feeling angry and anxious. It's absolutely worth looking at progesterone. Now I am not a medical doctor, so I am a coach, but not a doctor. So please do speak to your medical team regarding HRT. and finally, listen, tune in. What is she saying? What is this new voice that's coming through? Where have you neglected yourself? and where do you need to support yourself more in your life, especially as you're going through perimenopause. Thank you so much for tuning in. I would love to know how you found this episode, how you are feeling. We are all in this together. and if you would like support with Perry rage, ⁓ anger with the unraveling, come and have chat with me. ⁓ I'm opening the Perry menopausal pivot is soon. It's my one-to-one work and I would. Love to talk to you more about that. Sending you so much love and until next time press play.