Latest / The Daily Sarcast / March 4th, 2026: LAX, Parents And School Shootings And Girls In Comedy

Transcript

March 4th, 2026: LAX, Parents And School Shootings And Girls In Comedy · The Daily Sarcast

• 0:00
  Today's episode is sponsored by Subway Pulse. They stop you from falling into
• 0:04
  creepy people when the train suddenly stops.
• 0:06
  From this video, it seems like the CEO of McDonald's has never eaten McDonald's before.
• 0:11
  A comment on a video of the CEO of McDonald's awkwardly eating a Big Mac.
• 0:17
  Insert theme song here. This is the Daily Starcast. I give you the news and
• 0:21
  maybe a laugh. I'm Lindsay Wernick and it's March 4th, 2026.
• 0:24
  I think it finally stopped raining or at least I hope. It stopped?
• 0:28
  I don't know. This weather sucks, but at least it's better than snow, right?
• 0:33
  In real news, apparently getting a dog might help you live longer.
• 0:38
  Science says dog owners have lowered blood pressure, fewer heart problems,
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  and even a 24% lower risk of dying over 10 years.
• 0:46
  The catch is you actually have to walk the dog. It isn't for the lazy.
• 0:51
  Dogs also give your social life a boost, fight loneliness, and give you some
• 0:55
  much-needed goofiness.
• 0:56
  Basically, they're therapy withdrawal. But don't get it twisted, though.
• 1:00
  Puppies pee on literally everything, and vet bills will make you cry,
• 1:05
  and if your lifestyle is unhealthy, your dog will match your energy level in the worst way.
• 1:09
  So moral of the story, dogs are great, but they won't magically make you live forever.
• 1:14
  But they will ruin your social life when you need to go home after a few hours
• 1:17
  to walk it. A United Airlines flight on
• 1:20
  a Boeing 787 Dreamliner had a very this-is-not-in-the-in-flight-magazine
• 1:25
  moment shortly taking off from LAX yesterday.
• 1:28
  Passengers felt a rough, bumpy vibration minutes after liftoff.
• 1:32
  Then they saw flames coming from the left engine.
• 1:34
  They were told to stay calm. As if.
• 1:37
  One passenger said the plane felt shaky before people noticed the engine was on fire.
• 1:42
  Inside the cabin was total panic. A flight attendant was reportedly heard saying,
• 1:47
  Oh my god, I've never seen this before. This is really bad.
• 1:50
  Which is not exactly what you want to hear at 30,000 feet in the air.
• 1:54
  Air traffic control audio confirms the crew shut down one engine and later requested
• 1:59
  an evacuation after continued fire warnings.
• 2:02
  The plane returned safely. All 256 passengers evacuated using slides and air stairs onto the runway.
• 2:09
  No serious injuries, just minor cuts, basically Band-Aid-level injuries.
• 2:13
  Thank God that ended okay. A jury in Georgia just did something that could change school shootings.
• 2:20
  They convicted Colin Gray, the father of the 16-year-old accused of killing
• 2:24
  four people at Apalachee High School in 2024.
• 2:27
  And they did it before the son's trial has even happened.
• 2:31
  Prosecutors argued the father ignored warning signs. His son was obsessed with school shooters.
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  He talked about hearing voices, and there were behavioral red flags.
• 2:39
  Instead of removing access to guns, his father did the opposite and gave him
• 2:44
  an assault-style rifle for Christmas and let him keep it in his bedroom.
• 2:48
  The jury deliberated for this less than two hours.
• 2:52
  In the Michigan case, the parents of Ethan Crumley were convicted of involuntary
• 2:56
  manslaughter and each received 10 to 15 years in prison. But this Georgia conviction goes further.
• 3:03
  This father could face life in prison. So now this really forces accountability.
• 3:08
  Prosecutors are now saying if you see the warning signs and you don't act,
• 3:11
  you're not just negligent, you're criminally responsible.
• 3:15
  Hopefully this will make parents think twice before giving their kids guns for Christmas.
• 3:20
  In Lindsay life, I just started a new improv class and I'm so excited that there's
• 3:25
  another girl in it because I really did not think that there would be.
• 3:28
  But it's really cool that there's another
• 3:31
  girl in my class however she cannot
• 3:34
  be funnier than me because if she is i
• 3:37
  will be so upset like whenever there's another
• 3:40
  girl doing stand-up with me or in the room or whatever
• 3:43
  i always have to be funnier than her like them
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  are cool but then like if she's funnier than
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  me then like we're not cool that's not cool at all
• 3:52
  things i'm thinking about when will
• 3:55
  i stop wondering where my keys are and realize i left them in the
• 3:57
  front door three hours ago cooking tip of
• 4:00
  the day protein mac and cheese is the best thing ever it's literally just cheddar
• 4:05
  cheese cottage cheese and milk and pasta like what could be better than that
• 4:11
  feedback comments questions a nice jewish boy looking for a date email me at
• 4:15
  lindsay at thedailysarchist.com thanks so much for listening talk to you guys tomorrow.