Latest / Around the Kinky Kampfire Podcast / What If Your “Type” Is A Trauma Loop | Relationship Types walk-through | S4 EP122

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What If Your “Type” Is A Trauma Loop | Relationship Types walk-through | S4 EP122 · Around the Kinky Kampfire Podcast

• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back, everybody! This is another episode of Around the Kinky Campfire with your enthusiastic host, HH Julius Marquise.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: I am here today to talk to you about another topic.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: Talking about a topic.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: And before we get into that, because y'all know how it goes, but before we get into the topic, you know we have to talk about something else.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: And that something else is what I'm drinking.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: Off-screen, not sponsored.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: I have another berry monkey fruited triple, fruited sour triple from the Victory Brewing Company.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: Uh berry monkey, so it's like raspberries.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, we're gonna assume on the can a 9.5 ABV percentage.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, and uh we'll get right into the ASMR 30 seconds here in three, two, one, off camera.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: You just have to assume I'm drinking.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, there's a can real quick before the algorithm gets me.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: Them stupid bots.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so here we go.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: That's more for the YouTube than anything else.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: Uh uh, here we go.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: We have a topic that I want to talk to, and we will see if Julius makes it through topic before my time runs out.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: And you all know that we are an alternative relationship podcast.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: We talk about the kinky, the non-monogamy, the queer, and sometimes the geek.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: All those different types of relationships surrounding it and uh not surrounding it and peripherals and all those different kinds of things.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I like to nerd out a little bit.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: So once again, we're going to talk about a topic and get right into the nerdy bits, and I will put the video that inspired it from the YouTubes in the description below.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: Hopefully, I remember.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: I think I did that in the last couple episodes, but we'll see.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: But today's topic, today's topic is relationship types.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: So I got six types of relationships, probably not a limited, not limited to these two.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: If you put relationship types in the Googler, it's like, what is all this?
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: So I just kind of made notes from this video because I liked what it was saying, and I've heard a couple of these things multiple times in multiple different places, but not in this context.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: So I like how they put this in this video, and I just want to talk to them and see how it relates to the alternative side, which is what we talk about on the around the kinky campfire.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: New episodes on Thursday and uh Friday.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: We have video episodes on the YouTubes.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: Links in the intro and the outro.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, here we go.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: So we have six types.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: We are talking about karmic, narcissistic, parasitic, twin flames, soulmates, and the catalyst.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: So those words really don't mean anything.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: Um, for the most part.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, a couple of them kind of mean something, but I'm gonna break them down for you so it makes a little bit more sense because that's what Julius does.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, the lights are on and behind me, by the way, uh uh right in front of my flag.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, nemisexual.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, get right into it.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: Uh let's see here.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: You never lay next to someone watching them sleep and never wonder how the hell did I end up here?
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: Uh yes, I do.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know about y'all.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: I'm very self-aware, and I do ask this my the my myself these questions all the time.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: Because, like most adults, we all have that eight-year-old middle schooler is still in our inside of us.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: That sounded weird.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so let me back up a little bit and try that again.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: So most of us are motivated by our younger selves.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: This is all internal, by the way, metaphorical, but we all have a character within us that represents our inner child.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: Usually, you know, the experts say that it's about eight years old, is where we go back to when we have an insecure feeling, basically just a bad feeling.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: We feel bad about ourselves, we don't have a lot of uh confidence.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: It's because our little scarred eight-year-old self is um still within us, and we have to play to that a lot.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I know for my eight-year-old self, even now into my forties, almost well into my forties, sadly, almost heavily into my forties.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: Ugh.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: As another birthing day celebration, look, it comes around, is uh I still get very excited by uh other people being naked, and then they let me do um adult things with them um consensually, and a lot of times it makes a big old mess and stuff is inserted.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: If you get it, you know what I'm saying?
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: You put you have the the the little uh box with the squid with this with the hole, and then you put the peg in the hole um multiple times.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, some people like different holes.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you like front holes and back holes, sometimes you only got the one hole, or you got the top hole, and then sometimes you have a top hole and one bottom hole, and sometimes you have a top hole and two bottom holes.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: And there's secret little holes too that like people like to put like metal and and and hard plastic in, uh glass too, and I mean I guess you can do that with all the different holes if people like it consensually.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: The top hole, you know, has like hard metal enamel stuff there.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: But my point is when somebody undresses in front of me and then you know, holes are filled in, you dig a holes and you fill them in, is that I enjoy uh that as an adult, you know, ever since I uh you know first started digging holes um in virgin um virgin land virginity I lost I I left Virgin Land and you know I don't want to say like came into myself.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't I didn't come in myself, I came into my real self, and I want to say that it was a glorious day, and every time I it still happens, decades later, every time I leave Virgin Land and go to Slootsville, is that I enjoy it and the the child the eight year damn that sounds weird when you're talking about this stuff, but the inner my inner my younger self, there we go, we'll say that my younger self is very excited when I just have naked people around and I get to, you know, do we get we get to play a game of operation?
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: That's what we're gonna call it.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: Also, this question is great because it's like, how did I end up here with uh just it's just like we had a pie and we both, you know, me or multiple me and one other person or multiple other people, rarely that happens, but usually it's me and one other person.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: We had apple pie and the the cream, the whipped cream got everywhere, or apple pie a la mode, ice cream got everywhere, right?
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: And then like as you're about to get up and drag yourself out of bed because you had a very exhaustive exercise session, and you're going to the shower and you like look back or look down at your feet.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yep, you're looking at your feet, and you got ice cream all over your feet, and it's like, or just that one big toe, and you're like, How did I get here?
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: And then, like, why did this person let me do this?
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: Does anybody else okay?
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: This is Julius introspective question.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: Does anybody else do a pie eating contest with a person?
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: And then, like, after it happens a little bit, you oh you ask them like, at what point did you want to know that we you wanted to eat pie together?
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: And then they're like, Oh yeah, this this particular time you said this thing or did this thing, and it's like, now before that time, if I just jumped in your pie, would have been weird?
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: And then usually they're like, Yes, that's kind of weird, until you you know, saying, I you know, I thought you were attractive and I thought I wanted to um let you eat pie.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: But there's always that uh that moment there where it's like, okay, so now if I just jump and eat your pie, uh, and then they're like very enthusiastically, yes.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: So I can just eat your pie, like freely use freely eat the pie whenever, and like very little warning.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I you know you come through the door, and then it's like pie eating time.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: Contest started like 3, 2, 1, air horn, and they're like, yep.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: And be like, the first time wasn't cool, but then now it's cool.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: It's like I I always like to think about those times.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: And so when I when you get asked these questions, like why this person, why now, what then I'm always asking that.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I don't know if it's like an insecurity I have all the time, but even when I've been eating pie with somebody for multiple years, I um stuffing pie, making pie with somebody for multiple years, creaming creaming the pie, um coating the pie with cream is that I uh very much enjoy it with that person, but is there's always that little thing in my head is like how long will this last if it'll last forever?
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: Um, what exactly did I do?
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's my one of my neuro spicy things is I I lose track of time and then I'm like man, this person enjoys my presence.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: Um so it's like why me?
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: Why them?
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: What happened exactly?
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: And I tell you, as a person that's perpetually single or single most of the time, is that um I uh end up, you know, you just end up talking to a lot of people or not talking, get ghosted, whatever.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: When you contact people, either well, usually on the apps, um, and then some very rarely in real life, it's like, what made you choose to respond back to my um initial in invitation?
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: Accept the friend request to respond to the message.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: I'm always curious about that because I have I you know try to change it up per person, not just because I copy and paste, which is uh something I used to do decades ago, and it's like you try to, but it's not super crazy.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: Basically, it's like you look at their profile, whatever app is on, and you try to make a comment like, oh, I like that too, or Reddit is great for you on your head and on your feet, um, that kind of thing.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: Or, oh, do you like trails?
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: I like trails and nature as well.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you try to find something uh to spark off a conversation, basically a conversation starter, not everybody replies.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm glad when it happens, but I always wonder what what it is exactly, and it's always a bunch of different there's nothing like concise.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: Um I have not sent a dick pic.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: I've never sent a dick pic.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: I I know that's one thing that comes up on a regular basis.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: If somebody sees my profile where dicks are allowed, is that I don't have dick pics, and then there's no no nobody has dick pics of me out there, so that's one thing I got going for me, I guess.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: I just I don't understand it.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um leave it at that.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: So uh according to this video, is uh what happens is we don't actually fall in love.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um we kind of choose people.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: I would want to make a whole video on the whole falling in love, finding love thing, because it's kind of stupid.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: You don't like um search for love.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: Um that whole love at first sight is kind of a dumb concept as far as I'm concerned, because you have to like meet somebody where they are at that present time and then together choose if you want to work on your specific relationships together, either independently or together.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: So it's always a work in progress.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: You're never gonna find somebody that just checks all of your boxes right off the bat.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_00: Plus, it's like you have different experiences between the two of you.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: You both arrived at the same place at the same time, other I either in real life or online, whatever it is, however you got into contact with each other.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: But you had all these millions of things happen before you got to that point.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: So it is asinine to think that right off the bat you're gonna have everything worked out and you never have a discussion, argument, disagreement, whatever you decide to call it, uh, from that point forward.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: You have to be able to work through your ups and downs together, especially the downs.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: If you can work through some downs, I'm telling you right now, there's a gonna be a whole lot of in and out going on if that is your thing.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: Um, pie making.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: So, yeah, work on yourself, and then the people that are a good partner quality uh will be attracted to you rather than trying to search for something.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: You're never gonna search for never gonna find what you're looking for.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: It's just be prepared at that point in time to receive the blessing.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_00: Ugh, Christian stuff, receive the blessing when the opportunity arises and presents itself.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: So, yeah, there's a lot of a lot of little bit of fluff, a lot of little bit of fluff in here.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: So try to get all of that out of there.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_00: Um okay, so let's get down into the uh actual part of this thing.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_00: So already halfway.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: I don't I've talked away too much.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so first one, let's see here.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: Uh first one is karmic.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: So we have the karmic attraction bond.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: Uh so it's intoxicating, obsessive, and toxic chemistry.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_00: So that's the karmic um descriptors.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, you might meet them and go boom.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: That's that that's that uh love at first sight bull crap that I was talking about before.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_00: Instant electricity.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I will say I've held I've felt electricity a couple times, um, even online.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_00: Because I at this point, I don't want to say it's perfected, but I know what responses I'm looking for when I contact somebody because 99% of the time is me contact me contacting somebody else.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: It's very rare when somebody contacts me first.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_00: Just how I just how life rolls, I guess.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I know the reasons, but there's a bunch of them.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_00: But anyways, walking into a room randomly and then sparks fly.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_00: I've had that happen maybe twice in my life.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_00: Off camera hydration.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: So I get the I get the whole Karmic Bond thing.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_00: I want to talk more, but we're running out of time, so I'm not gonna be able to talk about this a whole lot.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_00: So this is what they're talking about, Karmic Bond.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_00: Love at first sight, fire bolts, lightning bolts, all those different things.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_00: Is uh yeah.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: Mm-mm-mm-mm.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so good.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, here's the trap though.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: The highs, it's addictive, the lows, it's devastating.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that so basically is a push-pull dynamic.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: Is you're going off your gut instinct and your feelings and be like, ooh, this person is attractive, I like them, let me learn more.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: But then it's like I don't really know anything else about them besides my gut feeling.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: So then um that kind of stuff hang happens.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_00: Alright, so try to make it more relative to this podcast of the alternative stuff, is that that can present itself as craving emotional dominance and submissive uh cycles.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_00: So here we go with the emotional part of it.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: Uh could be the um um the gut feeling again, uh something that you crave, and uh something akin to emotional edge play.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_00: So edge play is stuff that pushes people's boundaries.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, usually when they're talking about edge play, you're you're talking about stuff that is a kink or a fetish that you've never tried before, but it's like not quite there.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_00: For me, my hard limit is blood.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_00: So anything that can be remotely probably even bring out blood at some point in time, so whips will do that, and then like sharps play, like knives and stuff like that, will bring it out.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: Wartenberg Briels, I had that happen to come ties with some Wartenberg Breels, Wartenburg wheels that are very sharp, and if you press down on the skin a little too hard, instead of dragging it, it will just, you know, pop the top layer uh blood vessels.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: So that's kind of what we're talking about when we're talking about edge play, and then we're talking about emotional edge play here.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_00: So I completely understand when they say that because you're talking about sparks flying in uh karmic stuff, so it's like yeah, you're just going all in emotion there, and you're just chasing that high, which could lead you to a boundary that you might not like.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: So if this person's very spontaneous, but with spontaneity, you might not get something you want at the time you want it.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_00: You might get it a little bit early.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_00: Or way too late, way past the time.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_00: So I completely understand that.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_00: Narcissistic bond, illusion of control, seductive, manipulative, manipul, manipulative power play dynamic.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_00: Alright, so somebody's the center of the earth and they're an asshole.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_00: Doesn't start messy, it starts perfect.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_00: They mirror you, study you, and then reflect your deepest desires.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't know how a narcissist works, that is a hundred percent a whole entire thing.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: They will create a reality, pull you in with their gravity, and once you're in there, then they gaslight the shit out of you, making you think this is a good decision, even though they're being an asshole.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_00: In general, I'll just say that.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_00: So, yeah, that's really rough.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so let's uh turn this part kinky.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_00: Uh power imbalance disguised as intimacy.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_00: Yep, you submit emotionally while they are thinking you're equal.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_00: Oi, oi, oi, oi.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_00: Terrible.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, gaslighting, normal reality, permission to be loved.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_00: There's a whole lot of they're not worth, they're not allowed, or they're it's not um, they're not good enough.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_00: They're not good enough to accept my vulnerability and emotions.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna keep them at bay and um continue to mess with their mind.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_00: The bad kind of mud fucking horrible okay, parasitic bond, the savior complex trap.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_00: These are all blah.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so draining, codependent, and martyrdom.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, playing the victim, yay! The parasitic bond, they gotta lash onto you and suck your soul out of there.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_00: Not the good way, not the good way.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but yeah, you leads you to become the therapist, the problem solver, and the emotional support fist system.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_00: So basically, you giving up on yourself, uh you giving of yourself, but getting nothing back in return.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_00: So then you end up low energy, drain, burnt out, all the above.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_00: Fucking horrible.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_00: Um, okay, so our our side of the pond.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_00: Uh you get into service-based identity, so basically you're giving, and then that's all you are is giving to somebody.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_00: But then when you hold up your own boundaries, as like with the narcissist, then they have a problem because you are not going into their assumptions, you're changing your behavior or your actions, and then that fucks with their head.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_00: Great.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_00: Um, one side of giving is a form of validation.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_00: Ooh, ooh.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_00: But then they give them give oh, then that's a problem if they give themselves.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_00: They don't want growth, they want dependency.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_00: Ooh, these are rough, man.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_00: Um, okay.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_00: Goodness.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, next one.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_00: Twin flame.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so this is another one similar to probably narcissists.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_00: This is a big old buzzword out there.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of a lot of information on the twin flame.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_00: The obsession mirror, which is chaotic, magnetic, psychologically exposing.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_00: So, what happens when with the twin flame is that they tap into your shadow self.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_00: They're not your soulmate, they're your shadow.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_00: So, if anybody that hasn't done their shadow work, I suggest going ahead and looking that up.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_00: Shadow work is great.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_00: Those are the inner parts of yourself.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you'll find that little little child.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you'll find that younger version of yourself that's been hiding down there, um, which I was talking about in the beginning.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_00: The younger self, not the child.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_00: The inner child, inner eight-year-old.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, goodness.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, they don't completely expose you.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_00: So basically, yeah, it's all the bad shit.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're logical, they're illogical.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_00: If you're controlled, then they're chaotic.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_00: If you're um not emotional, they are very emotional.
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_00: Um, overthinker, right here, me, Julius.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um, we'll have we'll run into somebody that's all just emotion and just off the cuff spot spontaneous, which is no good.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_00: For us people, camsters, uh, that comes out as emotional obsession, craving intensity over stability.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_00: Ooh, boy.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_00: Uh identity unraveling as I arousal.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_00: Ooh, yeah.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna have to talk about this in in more episodes at some point.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_00: So basically, what happens is um a lot of us that have been in kink for a while come into contact with people that are newer to kink, and they kind of just like um it's like a newbie frenzy, is what we call it, or sub frenzy, or top bottom frenzy, top frenzy, sub frenzy, dom frenzy, or whatever you basically you find a whole new lifestyle.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_00: Nowadays it's usually um started out with like a smut book or something, and then you realize, oh, there's a whole community and people that practice all the kinky fantasy shit that I've flicking my bean and jacking off to um in my books and in porn or whatever it is.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_00: And then it's like, oh, I can do all these things.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_00: This has actually happened, I can hang from the ceiling and get spun around and slapped on the ass.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you can do that.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_00: And then they want to try everything.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, do whatever you want to me.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, that is a huge red flag.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_00: Red flag! It's oh, yeah, that's uh that's uh that's the kind of thing that we're talking about there with the shadow because uh it's basically your opposite as far as this uh the twin flame is what they're talking about here.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, that's uh something to look out for twin flame.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_00: Over overly enthusiastic for chaos, so no good.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, getting towards the end here, uh second and last, pretty much, we have the soulmate.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_00: They love the love that feels too calm, so we're going, we're coming back up the mountain here.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_00: Um because it doesn't feel like chaos, it feels like peace, grounded, safe, deeply intimate, which is what I like.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_00: Goodness.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_00: Ooh, peace instead of adrenaline, clarity instead of confusion, fight flight in goes from that into rest and digest.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_00: So hopefully, I hope everybody ends up finding this at some kind of point.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_00: A soulmate, somebody that just calms you down, doesn't spin you up like a bunch of asshole narcissistic um parasitic people.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_00: Uh and then they just kind of compliment you.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like safe space.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_00: Safe space.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, that's that's what we want.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_00: Um, no anxiety, no guessing games, no emotional roller coaster.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, it's an improv game.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_00: Uh safety, understanding, and flow.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_00: So that is what we want to see from a soulmate.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I would argue it doesn't have to be like a permanent thing, uh, okay.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_00: So when you're talking about soulmate, it's not like the regular societal term, which is stupid.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_00: Basically, somebody that brings you peace, doesn't judge you, and then wants to go along with most of your things.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_00: I know there's diff like debates on how attraction is developed.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, is it common activities or is it just like a uh inner peace type of thing?
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a fan of all of it.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_00: So as long as as many times we can hit those checkboxes as possible, it'd be great.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_00: And also it's like hopefully you guys can resolve conflicts pretty easily, or at least have a plan for it when it happens.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_00: That'd be great.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_00: Um, somebody that wants to talk about that would be amazing.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, let's look up the Gottman method and check that out.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_00: Lastly, we have the catalyst, the one who wakes you up.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_00: Explosive, transformative, temporary.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_00: I've got to speak fast because I'm running out of time.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_00: They disrupt everything identity, habits, and comfort zones.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, y'all at camps just know what I like to say.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_00: Julius doesn't like that comfort zone bull crap.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_00: Get comfortable being uncomfortable.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_00: That's great.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_00: Getting the bad habits out of there in the first place.
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_00: If you're looking for somebody, usually you're single or poly, and you're talking to somebody new.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_00: Why would you keep doing those bad things that kept you out of relationships this whole entire time?
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_00: So that's why we have the catalyst.
• 25:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's great.
• 25:23
  SPEAKER_00: Changes all of it, blows it up, flips the table.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_00: And alternatively, awakening suppressed desires.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, I like doing that.
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_00: Breaking uh internal rules.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_00: This is great.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_00: These that's supposed to bull crap that we've all been socially conditioned to based on our gender, whatever.
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and then liberation energy.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_00: So non-judgmental area, you can talk about all your kinky shit right here with Julius, even if I'm not your partner, but especially if you're my partner, you can talk about all that stuff.
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_00: Judgment free zone.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_00: If you want to do backflips onto a something and get something up your ass, I'm totally down with that.
• 25:59
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_00: So let's see here.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_00: Um, some things you can say as I wrap up is uh the love you keep chasing is the love you haven't given yourself.
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_00: Totally didn't read that.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_00: I came up with that.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_00: No, I didn't.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_00: I totally read that.
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you weren't unlucky in love, you were unconscious in your pattern.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_00: So hopefully that woke you up and you realize you didn't waste your time before.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_00: It was all a learning lesson.
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and oh my god.
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_00: The reason why I like this so much is because, like most people, I wasn't taught about taught any of this crap.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_00: I had to learn about it through just getting in relationships.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_00: So I didn't even realize there were different relationship types.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_00: Um, my orientation, all the communication styles.
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_00: Why do you think I started this podcast?
• 26:49
  SPEAKER_00: Learned all this stuff through hard times, and I'm sharing it with all of y'all because I want you to know I wasn't taught how to talk and comfort a partner.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't realize what venting was or being vulnerable, talking about emotions with somebody.
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_00: I just tried to play cool because that's what I was taught from my friends who were in the same age I was.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, because I was not taught this from anybody else, uh role model, parental figure, all that crap.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_00: So I hope that's somewhat helpful.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_00: I know I had to run through uh those types a little bit too quick, but hopefully my antidotal and and anecdotal stuff helped you out.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_00: But please ask me questions.
• 27:27
  SPEAKER_00: Hit me up on the emails, hit me up on the Instagrams, um, YouTubes, let me know in the comments below that uh you have questions about all this stuff.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_00: I love talking about this, uh, especially if it's like experiential diagnosing or whatever.
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_00: Uh I'm you know, I can just make up stuff and then have a whole episode of stuff I made up or graph on the Reddit.
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_00: I got a good one this week about relationship anarchy, and yep, you know, Julius loves that.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_00: Um go ahead and check out the relationship anarchy class that I taught as well.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_00: Uh and excuse the poor quality and sound, but it was in there, and then you might see some little clips uh about the class, and hopefully y'all check out the long form version.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_00: Uh that's it.
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_00: Catch us next week with another episode of Around the Kiki Campfire on Thursdays around Noon Eastern, and uh video episodes on Friday around noon Eastern on the YouTubes.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_00: That's it.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_00: I'm H H Julius Marquise, or just Julius if you're less fancy.
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_00: The enthusiastic host here.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_00: I think I used that one already.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_00: I believe we were on S's, and I didn't I forgot it, but we'll see about that next time.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_00: For now, hello.