Latest / Healthy Boundaries for Moms| Christian Life Coach / EP 39: The 4-Burner Theory: Protect Your Peace by Turning Down the Heat

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EP 39: The 4-Burner Theory: Protect Your Peace by Turning Down the Heat · Healthy Boundaries for Moms| Christian Life Coach

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Have you ever ended the day feeling like you worked hard but somehow still
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felt like you failed? The laundry isn't finished, dinner wasn't what
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you planned, you missed your workout, or your inbox is just overflowing and
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you still haven't returned that one text. What if the problem isn't that you're
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falling behind? What if you're just trying to keep every burner on high?
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If you're tired of people pleasing, caring too much,
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and wondering why peace still feels so hard to hold on to,
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you're in the right place. Hi, I'm Lori, mom, former people
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pleaser, and your boundaries coach. Here we talk
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about how to protect your peace, set healthier boundaries, and get clear
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on what actually matters so that you can build a life that feels lighter,
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calmer, and more satisfying. So let's stop the chaos
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for a minute, moms, catch our breath, and get into this next episode.
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Hey friend, welcome back to Healthy Boundaries for Moms. I am your host,
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Lori Grimes, and over the last few episodes we've been talking about the hidden
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cost of always being available. We've also been learning
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how to take the next right step instead of waiting for that
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perfect plan and being willing to renegotiate
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when life changes. So make those changes that we need to so
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that we can keep moving on. And today I want to share a simple picture
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that I think ties all those ideas together, and it's called the 4-burner
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theory. So imagine your life is like a stove,
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okay, and it's got 4 burners. And the original illustration
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uses 4 areas of life, but as I thought about
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it, it kind of reminded me of something I've shared with you before.
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So we have our 4 pillars here at Healthy Boundaries for Moms,
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and our pillars here are boundaries,
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organization, relationships, and time management.
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And I don't really change those pillars around. They're part of the foundation
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of a healthy life. But just because they're always
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important doesn't mean that I need the same amount
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of attention every day or in every season.
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So that's where the burners come in, okay? Some seasons
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require one burner to be on high while
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another moves to maybe medium or even low.
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And it's not because it's not important, but because we're human,
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guys. We are human. So in Ecclesiastes
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3:1, it says, there is a time for everything and a
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season for every activity under the heavens. God never
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designed every season to look the same, and I'm so grateful that
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he hasn't, because I honestly love each season. And I
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love when it changes to the new season because it's fresh.
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And it's— some seasons are for planting while we
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harvest in other seasons. Some of our seasons are for
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building, right? And some of our seasons are for resting. So wisdom
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is recognizing which season you're in instead of expecting
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yourself to live every single season
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the same way. So a lot of our stress comes from fighting the season
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we're actually in, right? We're, we're gritting our teeth,
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we're holding on tight, we're grasping, we're holding on, and we keep
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measuring ourselves by what we were able to do last month
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or last year before the kids were home or before
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whatever new season that we find ourselves in. We think,
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I should be able to keep up, but maybe the question isn't,
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how do I keep doing everything exactly the same No,
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maybe the better question is, what needs to change so
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that I can remain faithful without running myself
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into the ground, right? So sometimes one area of our
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life simply just needs more attention. Maybe you're caring for a sick family
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member, or maybe you've started a new job, or your child is
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struggling, or maybe just your marriage needs some extra attention right now,
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or your health just needs to be a priority for a season. And when a
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burner is on high, It means that that area
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just needs more of your time and attention or some emotional
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energy right now. But high doesn't mean it's more valuable,
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and it doesn't mean that every area should control your
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whole life. No. And it definitely doesn't mean that it's going to stay on high
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forever. It just means that in this season, it just needs more
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from you. So I think a lot of us struggle with
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the idea of keeping something on medium. Right?
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We're like black or white thinking. We've convinced ourselves that if we're
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not giving that 100%, we're somehow failing,
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right? But medium is often where healthy,
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sustainable living actually happens. Maybe your workout is
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30 minutes instead of an hour. I shared that on the last podcast.
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That's what happened to me, and I still got my workout in, and it wasn't
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the end of the world. Maybe dinner is simple instead of homemade from
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scratch. You know, maybe you're just throwing something into the oven that was frozen.
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Or we're just gonna do a pizza night. Just make it simple.
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Maybe our house is clean enough instead of having this Pinteresty
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perfect magazine-ready house, right? Maybe your
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business is just growing one faithful step at a time
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instead of running at full speed. And maybe you don't
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complete the entire list that you've made, but you finish a
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few things that really matter to you. That's not settling. Okay guys,
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that's sustainability. Medium says I'm still
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showing up, but I'm adjusting the intensity here. It allows
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us to remain consistent with, again, not demanding
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this perfection that we want to do all the time.
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Okay, so let's talk about the low setting, because this
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is where I think a lot of moms get caught up in that guilt.
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Because low doesn't mean that you're quitting, guys.
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It doesn't mean that you've even stopped caring. It just means that you're intentionally
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maintaining something while another area needs
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more attention. So a low burner may mean that for now you're
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just doing the minimum needed to keep something healthy and moving
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forward. You haven't abandoned it. You've just simply adjusted
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your expectations. And that can be one of the most healthiest
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boundaries we could create, not just with other people,
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but with ourselves. So a while back, I had to do
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this in my own life. Originally, I had planned to do this workout whenever
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my son and his friends were gonna go to the gym, and for a while
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it worked. I shared this on one of the last podcasts, and their schedules
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just became crazy, like unpredictable. Sometimes they
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were going, sometimes they were staying, and it really cost
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me my time in the gym, and I wasn't taking care of my own health
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at that point. So I renegotiated it. Instead of trying
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to force the original plan and just sticking hard to
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that plan, I started going to the gym in the mornings and again taking my
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walks before the day got busy. I prioritized them,
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and the value didn't change, just my strategy did.
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And I've had to do the same things even with this podcast. So with my
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kids at home for the summer, my normal recording schedule has just not
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always been the way it was prior to summer. And I've had
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to be realistic. I've had to adjust my expectations about
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when I record and when the episodes are gonna be edited and
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exactly when I'm able to publish them. But some of these episodes
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have come out later in the day. Like, I'm recording late
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on this Monday and they're still getting out.
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And a few years ago, I probably would've stressed myself out
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over that and I would've felt guilty or bad that I didn't do it when
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I was doing it before, and I would have focused on the fact that the
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episode wasn't published at this exact right originally
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planned time. I might have told myself something like
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I was behind or I'm just not consistent
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enough, but now I'm reminding myself of what is actually most important,
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which is I'm still showing up, I'm still recording, I'm still
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getting these episodes out on Mondays and Wednesdays. The expectation
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has changed But the commitment, guys, it didn't change.
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And that, that is the difference between renegotiating
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and just giving up. Okay. I didn't stop caring about the podcast
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and I didn't abandon the commitment I made to my listeners. I just
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adjusted the process so it would work within the season
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that my family and I were actually living in real life. And I
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think that's a lesson many of us just need to hear. Healthy boundaries
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are not always about lowering our standards.
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Sometimes they're just making our expectations realistic
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so that we can remain faithful instead of burning ourselves
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out just trying to be perfect all the time. This is how the 4 burners
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can work with the 4 pillars we talked about here.
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So the pillars are what support your life: boundaries,
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organization, relationship, and time management.
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The pillars are not going to just disappear when life gets
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busy, right? But the amount of energy you give to each one may change.
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One week your relationships may need to be on high because your child
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needs more support right now, or organization may need
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to stay on medium. You're keeping the household running, but you're not reorganizing
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every closet. Or a work or personal project
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may need to remain on low, right? You're keeping it alive,
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but you aren't pushing for rapid growth. And your boundaries
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may need to be turned up because protecting your time and energy is what is
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allowing everything else to function. So the goal is
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not to keep every burner on high.
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The goal is just to choose the heat intentionally for
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each of those burners. So it can help to define
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these levels before the week begins. Like high will mean the area that you're
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going to be most focused with most attention and your
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best, best energy. And medium is going to be where you're staying
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consistent consistent, but you're simplifying the expectations.
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Again, low is going to be just maintaining that area. It's going
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to be minimum effective effort until that season changes.
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So the problem comes when we don't choose intentionally,
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right? We just let every request through, every interruption,
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every unexpected change to turn another burner
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up, right? The world loves to do that to us. But before
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long, everything's boiling over, right? We've got 400, uh, things going on
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and the, the pot's boiling over.
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And that's why healthy boundaries require us to stop
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and ask, what really needs my attention right now? What can
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be simplified here and what can wait?
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And what expectation needs to be
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renegotiated? Sometimes, guys,
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we stay committed to the original plan simply
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because we feel guilty changing it because we said
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we would do it this way on this day and on and at this
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time, but then circumstances changed. Your energy
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changed or your family's needs are changing and the
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season changed, but renegotiating does not mean you
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were wrong to make the original plan. No, we need to make our plans.
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We don't always know how
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things are going to change. It just means that
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you are wise enough to recognize that the plan needs to
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support your life and not, not control
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it. Okay, you can keep the value while
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changing the strategy, or you can keep the commitment while
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changing the expectation. You can remain faithful without forcing
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yourself to perform at that same level
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in every season. So these are the questions I want you to think
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about this week and ask yourself: Which pillar needs to
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be on high right now? Which one could we move to medium with
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simpler expectations? How can I simplify it?
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Which one simply needs to be maintained on low for the season,
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you know, like on the back burner? What commitment still
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matters to me? And what part of the expectation
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or process can be renegotiated?
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And finally, ask yourself, what expectation am I carrying
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that God never actually asked me to
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carry? This question I put a lot here on this podcast because I think it's
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constantly a question I ask myself, and it helps me to check what
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I'm carrying. So maybe you're demanding that you do everything
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perfect Maybe you're measuring consistency by the exact
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time something gets completed instead of whether you remained
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faithful. Give yourself credit for remaining faithful.
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Maybe you're expecting yourself to perform like
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you're in a completely different season of life.
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You are allowed, my friend, to adjust that heat.
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So healthy boundaries aren't only about
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saying no to other people. Sometimes they're about saying no
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to these impossible expectations you
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place on yourself. Your pillars don't need to change, your values don't
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need to change, but your strategy can. And the expectation can
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change while the commitment is still remaining. That's not a failure,
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guys, that's wisdom. So this week, instead of trying to
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keep every burner turned up all the way, give yourself permission to
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decide what needs to be on high, what can remain on medium,
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and what can safely stay on this low
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back burner for now. Because when we stop chasing perfection and start
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living with intention, we are making room
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for more peace and more purpose and more freedom.
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Hey friend, I hope you enjoyed today's episode.
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If so, would you take 30 seconds and go join our free
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deeper, share what's actually working, and support each other
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in real life. I will also share some great tools and tips
14:40
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Don't forget to hit follow and leave a quick review on Apple.
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It really lets me know that this podcast is helping you.
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More importantly, it helps more women find this podcast.
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Now go say no to something that's stealing your peace and say yes
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to something you actually need. And I'll meet you back here in the next
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episode.