Latest / Cut the BS, Your Health, Your Choice / Season 4, Ep. 2: Community Architect, and Dedicated Caregiver
Transcript
- Marcia: Hello, welcome to this edition of Cut the BS, Your Health, Your Choice. I am Marcia Lee. I'm so glad you're here. Today I am joined by Kendall Kendall Miles. is the founder of the High Crew. She's been doing that since 2021 She is from South Florida. Wait, miss stop. Okay. All right, Kendall. Hello, welcome to today's episode of Cut the BS, Your Health, Your Choice. I am Marcia Lee, your host. Today I am honored to be joined by Kendall Miles. Born and raised in South Florida, Kendall brings sunshine to every professional and social space she enters. She's a proud University of Florida gator who has called the DC Metro area home for the past eight years. She serves in strategic IT investment planning and her public service career with the Department of Veterans Affairs now total 17 years. She's also the co-founder of the Hike Food, a black social hyping group that connects people with the outdoors and with one another. Kendall, welcome. How you doing tonight? Kendyll Myles: I'm doing really well. How are you doing? Marcia: yes, I'm excellent. So so Kendyll Myles: Awesome. Marcia: for anyone who doesn't know you, how would you introduce yourself in your own words? Kendyll Myles: That is a really good question. I would say I'm Kendall Miles, bubbly, lots of personality, lots of fun. a genuine inclusive community builder, and with a focus on wellness. And just really enjoy having a good time. Very social, having a good time, and very proud to be a public servant, serving our Americans heroes at the VA. And other than that, that's about it. Marcia: Yes, but it says, your bio said you bring sunshine everywhere you go. Where does that come from? Kendyll Myles: That's good question. Well, one, of course, it's a play on being from the sunshine state, but it also speaks to my vibrant and bubbly personality. I generally do not meet a stranger anywhere I go. And I try to bring light and energy and you know, just brightness to any room, any space that I'm in. And I I help others to feel seen. And so I hope that my light drives them to feel seen as individuals and as communities. Marcia: So how does growing up in South Florida shape who you are? Kendyll Myles: Yeah, really good question. where I grew up in South Florida was a pretty diverse area. We had a very large Latin population, Caribbean population. Also, there were a lot of folks that moved from the Northeast. they had say the sub snowbirds leave from the New York Northeast area and come to South Florida. So I grew up around a very diverse group of individuals. from different cultures, different countries, different places. So I do think that that helped me to really be able to mix and mingle with a variety of people. And then of course my family is from the South, right? So when you combine you know, being from the being from South Florida and being around those different cultures and then also family that's rooted in the South and Southern traditions, values, culture, just really helped to make me a well-rounded individual as a whole. Marcia: Okay. That's yes, that's good. You know what? this area like this area kinda diverse too. So Kendyll Myles: Yeah. Marcia: what brought you to the D C area and why did you decide to stay? Kendyll Myles: Yeah. so what brought me to the DC area was work, right? So of course this is a great place to work if you work for the government. and so as a continuation in my career and mobility, I moved to this area for a job opportunity. Why I stay here though is way beyond work, right? So of course I built a social hiking community that has had impacts through a variety of ages. races, folks have, built businesses together as a result of meeting at the Hyke Crew events. Folks have now been married or in relationships, built new friendships as a result of the Hyrule so that community that has been built in this area that is a large part of why I like to stay here. But also kind of continuing off of me being from Florida, I actually like seeing all four seasons. so we're journeying into fall right now. And so being able to see the leaves change and the dead things go away so that new things can grow. I never experienced seeing all four of the seasons. So that's a kind of a random thing, but it's a beautiful thing that I actually enjoy about living in the north the northeast. I also enjoy the fact that there's lots of opportunities for growth here, especially if you work for the government. but my Probably favorite thing about this area is just all the black excellence, right? You see, black people that are doing well for themselves in a variety of sectors, technology, healthcare, government. And so that is very inspirational to have other like-minded professionals that you can talk to, network with, lean on, ask questions to. Or just even be inspired by. I'm very inspired by a lot of the people that I meet and all the great things that they're doing. So those are my main points of why I enjoy living here and plan to live here for, the foreseeable future. Marcia: Okay. So what's one lesson from your federal career that you use outside of work? Kendyll Myles: Yeah, very good ones. So one of the things that I say a lot to my team, which I picked up from experiences at work, is be comfortable being uncomfortable until it gets comfortable. I think a lot of times we get approached with or we face situations that aren't necessarily the most optimal. They're not necessarily the cards that we wanted to be dealt. but we have to try to really lean on our faith, push our fear to the side and get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Eventually that uncomfort will turn into comfort. And so that's one of the things I have especially learned through and practice at work that I carry throughout all aspects of my life. Marcia: So you did talk about a little about the hike crew but that's my next question. So what was the Kendyll Myles: Okay. Marcia: spark behind starting the hike food? Kendyll Myles: Yeah, really good question. so the spark behind it, one, it was during the pandemic. And so myself and the co-founder Visa were very very social people. And so just the idea of being in the house all day, every day, not being able to go very many places, only able to speak to people through, you know, your phone, apps, things of that sort. We really wanted to make sure that we didn't lose that social aptitude that we enjoy. And so one of the things that we decided to try to do is to go hiking, right? To just at the time we went to a a trail called Cascade Falls. And so we went there, we took pictures, you know, which we call our thirst traps, right? because we, you know, wanted to get them on Instagram to try to reel in, you know, people. And then we also used to bring music with us. And when we would post our pictures, everybody would just be like, I want to go hiking. I want to go hiking. So we were like, you know what? Why not? Why not get out there? So we literally went to Crab Leg Place, one of those crab leg places. And literally Marcia: Yes. Kendyll Myles: over crab legs and rum and cokes, we got our creative juices flowing. And that is where we came up with the hike crew. We had our first hike. the weekend after, which was MLK weekend and one, that was a very huge rookie mistake because us Florida gals were not prepared for that level of cold. Marcia: Ha ha ha! Kendyll Myles: so we have not done we have not done a hike in January since. but we started off with 17 people and now we average between 100 and 200 people, 100 and 200 people per hike. And our largest hike had over 500 participants. So we have Marcia: Really? Kendyll Myles: grown tremendous yeah, we have grown tremendously. Marcia: So what is what what has it meant to the members? Kendyll Myles: Yeah, really good question. I think that one, it's a space where they can come as their true authentic selves and have the opportunity to meet other people, other professions, other ages, folks from different areas. We have a very diverse and eclectic group of folks that come faithfully to our hikes. So that's one thing is show so just, you know, great community, great opportunities to network with a variety of type of people. In addition to that, just really the wellness aspect, people underscore how important it is to get out and walk, right? get out and move your body. It's a it's a blessing to be able to move your body. So really encouraging that wellness is super important. in addition to that, I would say also just a really good place if you're looking to expand your friendship circles. We've had several. Folks who have become friends and started hanging out with each other as a result of meeting on hikes. we love our, our couples. We've we have several couples. They've met on a hike and they've been together since. We even have a hiker baby, right? So it was a mom who kind of going on the wellness aspect, she hiked with us throughout her entire pregnancy. And now her son, which we call our hiker baby, he actually comes on hikes with us. He's like about one year old now. Marcia: that's that that's dope. So Kendyll Myles: Yeah. Marcia: so what's a moment on the trail that you'll never forget? On any trail? Kendyll Myles: the one that sticks out to me is actually our first season of hiking where we had so it was a daughter and father, and the father was turning 84 years old. Yeah. So he came on the trail with us, and you know, we usually take a break throughout the the hiking, the hike, right? And we took a break. And at the time, you know, I was carrying like a, you know, I had my speaker, I had like a little portable microphone. Cause you know, of course, I love the microphone, I love to sing, especially when I'm out on hikes, which actually that's another reason why people enjoy going to our hikes. Always great vibes, good vibes when we were on the break, I asked him, you know, what's a song that you would want to hear for your birthday? And he said that he wanted to hear The Temptations, My Girl. So him and about three other ladies sang that song together on the break, and we cheered him on. And it was just really nostalgic for him, but also just like really cool because it was very multi-generational. We all participated. And so that's a memory, even though that was actually from our very first season that I still very vividly remember. Marcia: that is so nice. And one thing us, Kendall, and for those who don't know, I I have been on several heights with Kendall and the crew and I and I always enjoy myself. And I think for me, one of one of the heights Kendall that that stuck with me the most was Great Falls. 'Cause I had never been to Great Falls and I'm from here. So I never been to Great Falls and the fact that I learned that day, never go hiking by yourself. Kendyll Myles: Yes. Marcia: And even for for for several reasons. So but it was still nice though. But that video gave me a lesson that just in case something happened, always have a partner with you and just be careful when you're outside. And also Kendyll Myles: Yeah, absolutely. Marcia: and also Kendall because you you are so you are so fabulous and you and y because you you are such an engager. You know, and I were talking recently at the at the last hike of the season about you were asking me, you say I wasn't doing ch you say I looked sad and I wasn't myself and you know I sh share with you what was going on with my brother and then you s was sharing with me what went on with your mom. And I just wanna segue into upcoming November is National Family Caregiver Month. And I know family is a big part of your story. So would you would you mind sharing about your story about your mom and how you have to do things remote? Kendyll Myles: Yeah, yeah, absolutely. so my mom is 76 years old. She has had a series of health issues that really honestly I'm, you know, I I am inspired by her because her strength and resiliency through several of the health you know, issues that she's have has had, especially chronic issues, she has persevered past them. So I'm grateful and I'm inspired by her resiliency with that. More recently, though, she is in a position where she needs more advanced caregiving. And so thankfully, I will say I have two sisters that do, so she lives in South Florida. So I have two sisters that do live in the home with her and help with caregiving. and then in addition to that, I make my way back home at least every other month if I can to help out. where I can you know, and help reprieve my sisters of the care that they're providing to my mom. it is a very challenging experience. I think what also makes it even more challenging for me is because I don't live there, right? So I live, you know, miles and miles away. You have to take a plane. Well, I mean, I prefer to take a plane. I mean, you could drive, but that's just not Marcia: Yeah. Yeah. Kendyll Myles: my ministry, right? But you have to, it's a plane right away. and so I'm not there every single day, right, with my mom. but there is still a level of caregiving that's associated with that because I do come back to help out. There's resources that, you know, we I I chip in and send. and so as I have gotten older, it has been A very humbling experience, I should say, because you are so used to seeing your parent be that strong person, right? You know, and be that person that takes care of you. And so then when those roles kind of reverse and you're now taking care of your parent, it can be it can put you through a lot of emotions. and I will say we're not foreign to the idea of caretaking because my father before he passed away in 2018, he had a major stroke. and so that actually left him without the ability to talk, to eat. He couldn't move half of his body. For his situation though, we had to kind of put him in a a facility because he really, really needed around the care, around the clock care. But at that time, I moved Marcia: Mm-hmm. Kendyll Myles: back home. to be there to be able to help out with visiting him and ensuring his care was taken care of. and so, what's bittersweet with the situation my family is in now is that we're kind of back in that caretaker role just with my mom. but we, you know, have vowed to make sure that we keep her at home and make her as comfortable as possible. so yeah, that's that's kind of where we are with the caretaking of my mother. Marcia: So like we saying, caregiving can be a lot, even from a distance. How do you Kendyll Myles: Mm-hmm. Marcia: carry it and how do you take care of yourself? Kendyll Myles: Yeah, really good question. And that's a that's a difficult one that I'm still working through. I will admit that being the sibling that lives farther away, I do carry a lot of guilt. and over the fact that I'm not there every day. so that, you know, at times is hard for me because I know that it's a lot of, you know. labor of love that is being poured into my mom from my sisters and I know that they get frustrated at times and they're tired. and so one just trying to like get past the fact that be accepting the fact that I'm not there. It is what it is, but also accepting that I'm doing the best that I can being so far away. Even if that may not meet the expectations of potentially my sisters, or potentially even my mom, right? so I really just try my best to make sure I I'm I go home on a consistent basis. I provide resources when I can. and then not necessarily keep myself from doing things that I enjoy here just because I'm also not there. so not necessarily punish myself with saying, Well, you know what, my sisters have to do this, so I have to stay in the house and I have to do, I really try to still continue to balance my own life because I still have a full time job. I still got we still all gotta pay these bills, right? we gotta pay for this gas that's like out of this world. and you know, I I don't have a a spouse, right? So I I take care of everything myself. So really making sure that I'm still balancing what I need to while reaching back and helping out where I can and just really accepting that I'm doing the very best that I can. There's always going to be the opportunity to probably do better. There's always probably going to be the opportunity to critique myself. But just if I'm putting my best foot forward, I really have accepted that. And I feel less guilty and less estranged for that. recognizing that there's always opportunities and areas to improve. Marcia: for sure. But what would you want other families, especially those with a long distance caregiver, to know? Kendyll Myles: Yeah, that's a really good question. I would say for the family that is with the the the the parent, right? Who's there with them day in and day out and you're seeing the people from afar and you feel like they maybe could or could not help for help more, I would say the best thing is like don't suffer in silence, right? So if you see that there is an opportunity or a way that that person who lives further away can help, whether that be financially, whether that be visiting more, whether that be, making doctor's appointments, things of that sort. Don't hesitate to take offload those items, those tasks, delegate those things to that person that lives further away, right? Because they can help with making those appointments. They can help with coordination. There's several things that they can do that don't necessarily involve that direct caregiving to the parent. So I would say that's one for the families. And then for the person that is away, really, really take an inventory of the space and energy and resources that you have to be able to help and just make sure that you're, offering that consistently. So that means that you can you need to visit once a month, you do that. For every two weeks, you set an amount that you send, when you get paid, or you're willing to do the coordination of things that, you know, your family that's with the your parent, you know, can't do, or maybe it looks like they don't have the capacity to do it. Try to step in and do that. But most importantly, don't let yourself feel guilty for not necessarily being there and doing the very best you can from a distance. because that also doesn't take into consideration that they may have families, Marcia: Yeah. Kendyll Myles: everybody has a lot of things going on, right? So when you're juggling things, really making sure that you're balancing everything to include how you're gonna give back to the caregiving of your parents. Marcia: it is a lot. And like you said, Kendall, especially especially remote and all though my sister now are here. You're right because I have more flexibility, to your point. I told my sister just to she could like you said do the appointments and then I actually do the physical part, going to the appointments with them, sitting, things of that nature, just to make sure everything is going the way it should go. So I definitely I definitely under understand that. But you know what, but the next question though, it says, well, how does how is this spirit shaped the way you think about community and showing up for people? Kendyll Myles: Yeah, really good question. So I will say that it shows me that one, you know, that I don't have to necessarily suffer in silence individually. I can rely on my tribe of friends and my support system to help me with things that can help better the way that I show up for my mom. So let's say for instance, I'm in a sorority. So one of my sorority sisters, so I reached out to some of my sorority sisters and I said, hey, you know what? we really need, you know, someone that can help around the clock you know, with my mom, right? So reached out to them. They provided resources for, you know, home home health home health health aids or for physical therapy or occupational therapy, you know, tip tips and tricks. So I really do think that really utilizing your tribe and your support system and asking for help as hard as it may seem, because we a lot of times, you know, want to hold our cape and be superwoman, superman and be the hero of it all, but that's just not feasible. Like we're not octopuses, we don't have eight hands, we can't do everything. So really trying to rely on your support system to, you know, offer resources, offer help where you can. and then I would also say really just kind of leaning on your making sure that you have an inventory of what you can balance and ensuring that from that you are allotting your time the way that you can so that you can be of, you know. Best service where you need to be. I think those are that's the main thing, main two things I would I would say. Marcia: you make you make a good you make a good point, Kendall, because like you said, sometime as females, like you see, especially as black women, they just think that we strong like all the time. But I've raised my hand and been raising my hand. You know what? It's been so it's been so rough for me. that I just have to step away from people and things sometime, I'm like Kendyll Myles: Yeah. Marcia: I'm like let the phone ring. Sometimes I don't wanna be bothered. Sometimes I don't have the mental capacity, you know, just to handle certain things at certain times. So you know, kinda do a reset then I come back and then I'm ready because it it's Kendyll Myles: Yeah. Marcia: very difficult. Especially with especially with dementia patients because they didn't ask for it. I mean like your mom didn't ask for it even so rough. And then Kyndal this is when for us, this is when we find out what and Insurance covers. You know, Kendyll Myles: Right. Right. Marcia: what it covers, what it doesn't cover. And you'd be surprised what it doesn't cover. Like you said, for the most part, you have sisters and you are helping and your sorvos, you know, help you tap into resources, which is which is which is fabulous. But each area has different services. In DC they have Kendyll Myles: Right. Marcia: really, really good services. But if you go in certain parts of the suburbs, it's not as robust. Kendyll Myles: Right. Marcia: that's what I that's what I find out. But on a more happier note, because you see all and see Kendall, thank you for this 'cause all this ties together. you bouncing your work, you bounce in the hike food, you're bound in your mom. So all all this all this is is a couple and and you're making it. And I think a lot of people and I'm glad that you step away from the hike food, 'cause the hype food, am I not correct, gives you a chance just just to take a breath. Kendyll Myles: Yeah, no, it it it's something that I enjoy wellness. I enjoy community, I enjoy being social. So you know, it is, you know, us working, right? But I enjoy it. I thoroughly enjoy the community, the wellness, being outside, being in nature. And there's several, you know, studies, research that talks about the benefits of wellness and being in nature and how it helps you to reset and be still to your point, right? To be able to take a break away from just everything that's going on, silence your phone, put your phone away and just be with nature and outside and and just that level of stillness makes a huge difference on the other end of when you're finished with it and how you feel. Marcia: That's for sure. But what's next for you and the hike crew Kendyll Myles: What's next for us? Good question. Well, we are at the end, basically the tail end of the season, because we do not hike in the cold. So we're Marcia: Mm-hmm. Kendyll Myles: gearing we're gearing up for off season, where we're gonna have some social events, we're gonna go snow tubing. we just wrapped up our bonfire and chill event, which is really, really cool. We had a huge bonfire, you know, event DJ, you know, games. You could roast s'mores, hot dogs. You it was an open bar, so it was a pretty pretty large, nice event. but yeah, we're gearing up for the off season. And then we look forward to being back on the trails in the spring of twenty twenty seven. Marcia: You know what, you know what you scared. I I like being out in the wintertime as long as it's not too frigid. I know it you know I Kendyll Myles: No, my Florida bones can't do Marcia: I know you're in visa, I know the Florida thing, but Kendyll Myles: Yeah, we can't do it. Marcia: it's it's all good though. But how can people find a group and join? Kendyll Myles: Yeah, sure. we are on all social media platforms as the Hype Crew. So you can follow us on Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, whatever else they have out there. We're we're the hype crew on all of it. But our main page is on Instagram. Marcia: okay. Any final words f for for the listeners? Kendyll Myles: well, I I want to say especially happ happy Caregivers Awareness Month or, you know, and just really want to send love and peace and joy to all of the folks that are caregivers. you know, know that regardless of the feedback you get from your family, you are valued, you are cared for, you are appreciated, and the decisions that you're making now to support your family, right? Because it might not just be a parent. It could be a child. It could be a sibling. The decisions that you're doing to care for your family will have lasting effects that will really bless you and your entire family for generations to come. So stay strong, stay resilient, keep the faith, and know that you're loved. Marcia: So, Kendall, thank you so much for sharing your time and your sunshine. Thank you Kendyll Myles: Thank you. Marcia: so much. And this concludes the latest episode of Cut the BS, Your Health, Your Choice. Take care, everybody, and be fabulous. Kendyll Myles: Be fabulous.