Latest / The Pressing Play Podcast / Ep14 Pressing Play on Body Confidence in Perimenopause This Summer
Transcript
- Joanne Fiddy: Hello and welcome back to the Pressing Play podcast. I'm your host, Jo Fiddy, and I am melting. I am recording this on a Tuesday and this is going out on Thursday and we are having a gigantic heat wave, aren't we? If you're in the UK and Europe, we are feeling it. This almost wasn't filmed. However, this is about body confidence. So I'm filming it anyway, but I am. sweltering. The fan is off because it interferes with the sound and my two girls have taken all my hair ties and not for themselves that have to add for all of their dolls so I can't even put my hair up because I have nothing. So before I crack on I want to just say two announcements because it's so exciting. I am going to be tapping, rapid tapping at Latitude Festival in Suffolk. Yes, I am! So on Friday the 24th in the Mind, Body and Zen area from three o'clock, I will be on the heart bus and I will be doing a rapid tapping live talk and demo and I would love to see you there. So if you are at Latitude Festival, come along and say hello. Also, I am going to be at the Paws Summit. This is the UK's biggest menopause and health summit and I will be there on stage in the exhibition area talking about the power of tapping and how it's so important for hormone and perimenopausal health and I really hope to see you there. It is on the 10th of October at 11.45 so come along and say hello. I would love to see you. Right, what are we doing today? Today, well... It's all about body confidence in perimenopause and in life really, because it's here, it's summer, and this can bring up so much of our stuff, don't you think? It's bikinis, it's swimsuits, it's less clothing, and when you're going through perimenopause, it can feel like your body is changing. and it might not be changing in a way that makes you feel comfortable. Not to mention, there's so much that we are carrying and lugging around when it comes to our beliefs regarding body confidence. And so we're gonna dive into what's taking place, why are we thinking the way we do, when did we learn not to like ourselves? And I'll also be offering advice on what's happening in your body. but also how we need to just reclaim it, my loves, and we need to be living our life because we only have one spin around earth school. So it is not worth it to be. We are living on this gorgeous planet that spins in the universe and surely we should be allowed to love and like ourselves and not feel that we have somehow reached our peak and therefore what happens we start walking backwards through life looking at the body the clothes we used to wear. Maybe there's a wardrobe full of clothes that you used to be able to fit into and now you don't. And consequently we start to feel frozen in time of what we used to look like, what we should look like and why is that? Why do we think the way we feel? And why is that? Why do we think that way? So this episode is all about body confidence. Yes, body confidence. which can absolutely be challenged in perimenopause in our forties and fifties as our body does change. And this is all about helping you through that change and navigating it and finding out why we feel the way we feel. Like when did we learn? And I'm not even talking about perimenopause here. Like when did we learn not to like ourselves? When did that happen? And how can we not only protect ourselves? but future generations from this body confidence soundtrack that's playing in our lives. I have a three and a seven year old. And my three year old, yeah, she can just rock around and just do her thing. But my seven year old, I can tell it's starting to drop in, noticing how she is in her body, noticing other bodies, noticing my body. That's another thing. Who has that? Who has children where they comment on your own body? not in a malicious way, just in an observational way. But if you're not confident in yourself, how does that make you feel? What conversations are coming up? So we are unpacking that. It's summer. So I thought it was a great time to bring this up. It's bikini time, it's swimsuit time. It is wear less clothing time. And I don't want you to cover up because life is too short to cover up and sit on the sidelines of the pool. and not be jumping in and living your glorious life. Because what can happen is when we allow these beliefs and these stories about our self worth to embed into our system, and we don't work on them, what can happen is we really believe them to be true because it's your nervous system and your subconscious. And what can happen is we start to slowly walk backwards through life, looking at a moment in time that we have made an iconic, internalised this iconic version of ourselves. that we must forever look like. And it might mean that you have a wardrobe full of clothes that you never wear, or you punish yourself, you self-sabotage yourself, you're going to the changing room and it just doesn't fit the way it used to. And what can happen? We can then go in that cycle where we binge eat, binge drink and self-loathe all over again, again and again and again. So in this episode... It's here to help, it's here to empower you. I am an accredited body confidence coach. It is my mission to help you feel alive and to find the joy and to live your life and break the patriarchal views of what we were told and how to be. So let's get started and let's press play. Let's jump in. You know, I love the science. Also, I don't believe that we were taught enough about our beautiful, incredible. So let's get started in the science. I also believe that we weren't taught enough about our beautiful bodies and brains and minds and all the things that make us us at school. So we always have a little bit of a science lesson followed by a history lesson. And then we get cracking. So drink that tea. Put me on now when you're having a drive, whoever you like to listen to your pods and let's get started. So let's talk about the science. Your body's genuinely is changing. Like our bodies are changing. Mine is definitely changing. I feel like I have gained weight everywhere. Not even just in one area right now. Like the whole of my body has just expanded and my hair feels thinner. I used to feel like I had this big mane of hair and it just feels thinner. I don't feel like I have the skin that I had. There's so many things that I can just say to you about myself. And maybe you're sitting here feeling it too, because estrogen really does impact our body. We don't realize how much it can impact us. So when it fluctuates, we can get weight gain, definitely around the middle. As I talked about changes in body composition, my body's just changing all over the place right now. Reduced muscle mass, changes in energy. Poor sleep, bloating and water retention, definitely water retention. I had that in my last menopause actually, the first menopause I had was water retention and I still get it now. I find it quite, I found a way to find a smile through it. It's because some people will always say to me, in the kind way, because again, looking at our belief soundtrack, complimenting somebody on losing weight can feel like the biggest compliment in the world. Not saying it's correct or not and. That's not right. So let's start with the science. You know, our bodies are genuinely changing because of what's going on inside. When estrogen fluctuates, yes, she is impacting water retention. So you might be feeling more bloated and it might be lasting longer, especially in this heat. I know that I get water retention. I definitely had extreme water retention in my... I definitely had extreme water retention in my first menopause when I was in my thirties, it was stress reduced. I definitely had water retention in my first menopause and that was a stress induced menopausal state that lasted years in my life. That's why I'm here. I never want you to stumble through this period. I never want you to stumble through this version of life and not know what's going on. Okay. So let's start with the science, shall we? So your body is changing. Our bodies are changing and that's part of living. are very privileged to be going through perimenopause as many women that are not. But that doesn't mean it makes it more. So let's start with the science, okay? Your body is genuinely changing. That is because estrogen is fluctuating. So you might feel that at the moment it's really hot and you're getting water retention. So you might be feeling that PMS bloat that's lasting. way more than it did like the day before your period. So it might be lasting a week or it might just be cycling at the moment. I know in my first menopause, I was in a stress reduced menopausal state in my thirties that lasted years of my life. I'm now going through menopause again. That's why I do what I do because I don't want you to feel alone and lost. So in my first menopause, I definitely had extreme swelling and I would look like a different person and it would go down again. And now I'm going through it again. again, it goes down to that belief soundtrack and body confidence. And there's some very kind people, they think they're being kind, who will tell me that I've lost weight and I haven't. It's just my water weight goes up and down. And now I'm in my second menopause and I get that water weight still. there's some, I sometimes look puffy, I don't look puffy. And so that's just how my body is regulating itself at the moment. because our brain is rewiring itself to work without our ovaries. Our body is fantastic, but there are some renovations and this is one of them. You might also feel that you're gaining weight, especially around your middle. You may also feel that you are hungry all of the time because of what's taking place in your body, more abdominal fat. So you might find that you've got more weight around your middle. I'm at the moment for I've got weight gain all over the place. You might also feel that your hair is changing, your skin is changing. My hair feels very much... thinner, it to be quite ⁓ voluminous and it's definitely feeling a bit thinner at the moment and your sleep might be impacted. All of those things are taking place in perimenopause. And research actually shows that body dissatisfaction can increase during perimenopause because women often feel disconnected from the body they've known for decades. Not to mention the frustration where everything you used to do in your thirties doesn't work anymore. We'll do another episode on that, but you might be feeling, hang on a sec. I'm actually eating less. I'm exercising more. Why am I gaining weight? So all of those things can be coming up right now that can impact your body confidence and how you feel about yourself. And I hear this all the time, you know, and I hear this all the time. I don't recognise myself, I feel trapped in my own body. I don't know who I am anymore and it can feel... You know, and I hear this all the time, I don't recognise myself anymore. And it's not necessarily about your body, it's also about your identity too, and who you are as a person. So all of this can get rocked during perivenopause, and especially in the summer when it comes to body confidence. Because summer is basically body confidence season. It's the time when the swimsuits come out, the bikinis come out, everything else comes out, and everyone's brushing in the pool and having a great time, and you might be feeling uncomfortable in your body and you don't want to be in the pool. And you might not want to go in the water, you be sitting on the side or covering yourself up and all of those things. And summer can feel harder because summer is body confidence season. It is body confidence season, usually involves hot weather, which could impact our symptoms even more. It can also mean that there's like bikinis, swimsuits, getting on the beach, feeling that you have to cover up. That fear of, and it is a fear, I'm gonna go into that, have I gained weight? Will anyone notice? How many times do we all apologise for our appearance when we meet up with friends, especially friends we haven't seen for a while? We sit down and we just feel, sorry about, ⁓ I've gained some weight and ⁓ this is a bit tight or you might find yourself feeling that way too. And it's valid. And there's a reason why you think and feel the way that you do. But actually, we're all worrying about ourselves and no one's really looking at us. Most people are busy. And the thing is we always think and we're just always comparing ourselves. And then we're on the beach because summer is summer and summer is holidays. Summer can be whatever it is, bikini, swimsuit, all of those things. And we're not feeling good in ourselves and we feel like we've gained some weight and we're covering up and we're going in the water, but we're not feeling comfortable. And then what can happen is you're trying to do your best, having a great time. And suddenly a group of women, 20 years younger, slink out of the pool and all eyes on them. And you might be feeling, ugh, when you see them. And they're there. and they're pert and they're shimmering and they're this ideology of whatever the fashion is in the moment. And that can also make us feel a little bit poo. So the question is, when did we learn to dislike our bodies? When did we learn to cover up or feeling a bit uncomfortable in ourselves? When do we learn to not like our bodies? So when do we learn not to like our bodies? When do we learn this was a thing? And I talk about your belief soundtrack is going back through your belief soundtrack, all those playlists of beliefs that you've created over the years. And it might be from being teased at school. It could be opening up the magazines that we all devoured in the 90s and the naughties, you know, as we were flicking through. They used to circle, didn't they? Was it the cellulite and all the pieces on celebrity women and expose them for who they are? And it was all about shaming. You know, we used to flick through those magazines and it was all about body shaming. How to lose weight, how to get the guy if you lose weight, how to get the person if you lose weight, body shaming, constant body shaming, scrutinizing. So many things we were bombarded with at a young age. Like the 90s and the noughties was brutal for body confidence. hear, have you seen it? Kate Winslet talking about her time on Titanic and how she was criticized so viciously by journalists and the impact that had. It was a really vicious time and it's going to leave a couple of scars and a couple of marks on us. So is it any wonder that we feel scrutinized? Not to mention fashion. Let's talk about fashion. Because here's some research that I dug up for all of us. So if we look about, so let's look at the decades, let's research for all of us. So in 1920s, we had that adroganous, flat-chested, slim-hipped, flapper girl. In the 1950s, was those, in the 1950s, was voluptuous curves. And then in 1960 and 70, we had that hard pivot to extreme thinness, popularized by Twiggy. And then in 1980s, it was fit, toned and athletic. 1990s, as we all remember, was heroine chic. The 2000s, we went down to the size zero and the low rise, the low rise jeans, remember them. And then curves did return for a while. And then we're back down again to skinny. And how many of us are reliving the 90s again, that heroin chic is terrifying. And I think if you have children, you also feel worried for them too. You don't want them to go through it. And doesn't that, what does that say? Four completely different perfect bodies in 80 years. Hmm? Women's bodies are just used as a fashion accessory. One minute you're in, one minute you're out. And then let's just talk about the scales for a minute. Why are we so obsessed with the scales? Did you know? And why are we so obsessed with the scales? And then there's the scales. Then there's the scales. So the scales were invented in Germany in 1885. And they were imported to America in the 1920s and 30s. And they became like a public spectacle, like a public viewing. People would put money in the scales and people would watch. Yeah. And that's how this fascination with the scales even started. So when you think about how you feel about yourself, go back. These aren't necessarily beliefs that you believe about yourself. It's what you've inherited. This is what's appearing on your belief soundtrack. Women's bodies are a fashion accessory. One minute they're in, one minute they're out. The scales, flicking through magazines, body shaming. Is it any wonder we don't feel super confident in ourselves? And this brings me onto something I loved and I mentioned this last year actually on an Instagram post and I'm bringing it up now because I just find it fascinating. It's called the mirror fallacy and how it's impacting our body confidence. It's the idea that humans were never meant to see ourselves this much. And I heard this about the creator, Avey Gill, and it blew my mind. So when you think about it back in the day, Back in the day, day, day, we used to only see our reflection in a puddle on a horse. We didn't really see ourselves at all. And then as time went on, you know, you might see yourself in a shop window, maybe a mirror in the shop. And so for most of history, So have you heard of the mirror fallacy and how it can impact body confidence? It's the idea that humans were never meant to see ourselves this much. I first heard about it from creator Avigirl and it blew my mind. And when you really think about it, it's true. For most of history, we only saw ourselves briefly, like in a ripple of water while riding a horse. or maybe as time went on, a shop window, maybe a mirror now and then, we definitely did not have the capacity to zoom into every detail of our face or body, let alone filter away our, I say it with a little, let alone filter away part of ourselves. And now we see ourselves more than any generation in history. in mirrors, selfies, zoom calls, photos from every angle. And even when I'm talking to you now, I can see myself. Our brains were not designed for this. They were designed to look at other people, to check whether a person was safe or not. They're designed for connection. And now what's happened is we have a constant self-checking and it's created a pattern. where we compare our body to another. How do they look? How do I look? What are they wearing? What am I wearing? Do they look better than I do? And this, you know this, this chips at our confidence, especially in midlife and perimenopause. When our bodies are already shifting, we are sensitive to stress and we are in the throes of a hormonal roller coaster. Now, we lived by how we felt. We used to live by how we felt, not by how we looked. I'll say that again. We used to live by how we felt, not by how we looked. And I think this is absolutely key to the inner work, to live a life based on how you want to feel. And if you've ever worked with me, You know, the first question I will ask you is, how do you want to feel? How do you personally want to feel? Knowing how you want to feel and embodying a life based on this creates transformational change. This is the reason why you see me tapping. This is the reason why I bring this work into my job. This is the reason why I bring this work into my life. It allows the body to feel safe, to accept a new belief, because all we want to feel is safe, isn't it? We just want to feel good and feel safe. And that's what I love about tapping. And then also getting that frequency up as well. And you open yourself up to all those lovely, juicy possibilities. Let's think about it for a second. How many times Have you looked in the mirror before a night out? Okay, or a day out? I don't go out anymore, but a day out maybe, a brunch. And so how many times have you looked in the mirror before going out? And you'll give yourself a bit of a once over. You'll have a little look. And do listen to Marla Moonbeam, who talks about how to talk to yourself in the morning. Her episode is delicious. Do check it out. So how many times do you look in the mirror? Okay, you have a look. Do your hair, put your dress on. Yeah, yeah, not bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're good, we're good. Okay, let's go. And you go. And you leave your house and you either go by train or tube or car, walk, whatever you're doing. Off you go, do, do, do, and you're going to work, you're going out, whatever it is. And you're fine. And then suddenly you see someone, another woman, most likely, probably younger. And maybe she's wearing something similar to you. And what does that mean? That negative soundtrack of how you look starts to feel. That negative soundtrack of how you look starts to play. And suddenly your clothes feel tighter, especially in that area that you don't like. So your clothes feel tighter. Your mind starts racing. And maybe you start remembering every morsel that's ever touched your lips, regretting every life decision you've ever made. And then slowly, you start to shrink. You start to cover up. You start to pull at yourself. You start to hate your body, blame your body. How dare your body not compare to that other person. But in those 20 minutes, your body hasn't changed. Your thoughts have. The body that you looked at in the mirror before you left is the same body that you're in right now that feels really uncomfortable. Your body hadn't changed is how you feel about your body that has changed and those thoughts and those patterns that haven't changed. Again, we used to live by how we felt, not by how we looked. Because how we look, we are incredible. We are fantastic. and It's time. If not now, then when? When we stop becoming a fashion accessory and we break those patterns that tell us we have to hide because of how we look or who we are. All bodies are welcome on the beach. There's nothing set in stone that says otherwise. Everybody deserves to feel alive and live and feel the sun on their skin. You can wear whatever you want to wear. There is no sell-by date. There is no expiry date. You, darling, are not a pint of milk. You are not going off. So don't live like you are. We used to live by how we felt and not by how we looked. So I'll ask you, how do you want to feel? How do you want your children to feel? How do you want your loved ones to feel about themselves? Because we are only in Q2 of our life because we... are only at the halfway point and it is a tragedy. that most women feel they have to cover up for the next half of their life. Not on my watch. Not on my watch. I'm to go through some tips in a minute to help you feel more confident, but just let it land. Who told you this is how it's supposed to be? Who told you that you had to cover up? Okay. If something is stirring in you, if you feel like you want to change, if something is stirring in you and you think, you know, I don't want to spend the rest of my life not liking myself, then book in a session with me and let's get started. This is the work that I do. We work on your belief soundtrack. We work on the patterns. We unlock what is taking place in your life. We focus on one area that you want to change. Whether that's in a 90-minute booster, whether that's in a 90-day private one-on-one with me, this is the work we do. You can find out more at joefiddy.com or DM me on Instagram. Okay. Woo, it's getting hot in here. Right, so I set myself three, so this summer, so last summer, so last summer, I decided, so this is so last summer, I decided I was done letting my reflection run the show. I wanted to feel lighter, freer, more present. And more importantly, it's just for me personally, I wanted my girls to see a mum who lives at the beach and not hide at the edges of it. I want to be in the photos. I don't want, I don't want to look back and be like, where am I? Because I tell you, you are the youngest you are ever going to be right now. Get in the photos, get in the photos. In 10 years time, you're going to look back and think you were absolutely gorgeous. In 20 years time, you won't believe what you've been telling yourself. When you're in your 80s and your 90s, you are going to be, where are the photos of me in my 40s and 50s? You'll look back with wonder. You how you look back on yourself now in 20 years and you get those Facebook reminders and you look at yourself, look I was so young, what was I thinking? Exactly that now, exactly that now. You are going to look back at this moment in time and say, what was I thinking? I was friggin awesome. So embody that belief because you are, you are awesome. Okay. So I set myself three holiday body rules and they've changed everything for me. Okay. I'm going to give them to you and I want you to have a go. All right. So these are my three holiday body rules and they've changed everything for me. So what I do is I see less. So what I do is I see less, I feel more. So I only check the mirror when I need to. So in the morning I check my reflection and then if I go to the loo I check there's any food in my mouth, you know, all that stuff. I smile, I walk away. Done. Number two is one and done. I decide in the morning how I look and then I stop rechecking. Okay, so these are my three holiday rules that have changed everything. Number one, see less, feel more. In the morning I pick my outfit, I look in the mirror. So these are my three body holiday rules and they've changed everything for me. Number one, see less, feel more. I only check the mirror when I need to. So I get ready in the morning, have a little look. If I go to the loo during the day, check my teeth, that's it. There's no zooming in. There's no looking at myself. If I feel that spiral happening, I catch myself. Catch myself, it's really important. One and done. I decide once in the morning how I look and then I start rechecking. Okay, so I set myself three holidays. So I set myself three holiday body rules. Number one is one and done. I decide in the morning how I look, what I'm wearing, and then stop rechecking. Just go, speak kindness, speak love to myself. If I feel myself spiral, I pull it back in, speaking to myself with love and kindness. I look at all the things that I love about myself, bring that in, boost that part that needed this more than ever. Okay, number two, see less, feel more. I only check the mirror when I need to. So in the morning, bit of a check, bit of a makeup go, and then I go, and if I go to the loo, yeah, I'll then check, you know, in between, my teeth, do what I need to do, but that's it. There's no zooming in, there's none of that stuff. I literally just go by how I feel. And again, if I feel myself, start to go to the other side. I snap myself back, it's catching the pattern. Okay, number three, snap and live. Snap and live. I take a photo, done. Going back to the 90s. I have a Kodak camera, take a photo, off we go. I don't zoom in, I don't screen grab. Number three, snap and live. I take a photo. done. I don't check it, I don't zoom in, I don't look at bits of my body I don't like, I take the photo and I go. Ideally, we did it on our last holiday, we had a Kodak camera, we just had a Number three, snap and live. Take the photo, live your life. Don't zoom in, don't take 100, don't freeze, just take a photo and go. Live like the 90s, live like the early 2000s. Do what we used to do. We used to have, for last summer we had a Kodak camera, 24 film, done and done. It was wonderful. It was absolutely wonderful. I highly, highly recommend it. And the ripple effect is I'm enjoying, and the ripple effect, I'm enjoying my holiday so much more. I'm making time to play, I'm doing really fun things, and I don't feel like I'm as focused on my appearance. Eat the food, live my life. Not get stuck into how I look all the time. It's exhausting. And not even in a vanity way, like comparing myself, it's exhausting. And the ripple effect is I'm enjoying holidays again. And the ripple effect is that I'm enjoying my life. Just enjoying myself so much more. Understanding that negative inner voice about my body isn't mine. Same for you, it's not yours. Just feels like it is, but it's not. It's reclaiming your confidence, reclaiming the narrative and having fun. And not being stuck scrutinizing a photo of yourself. Live your life. And I'm also showing my girls that confidence isn't about looking perfect, it's about looking full. And I'm also showing my girls that confidence isn't about having that picture perfect moment, it's about living fully and being alive. And that's what matters. So what if this summer wasn't about getting your old body back? What if it was about getting your life back? And what if your body isn't failing? It's going through a transition and that you don't need to shrink yourself. Your goal is to feel alive. This is your body. This is your summer. This is your life. My darlings, press play on you. So looking forward to seeing you next week. Thank you so much. I'll be back next week.