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Transcript

How to Handle Chaos Without Spiraling · Bye Bye Panic

• 0:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: Most people react to chaos in two ways.
• 0:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's very binary.
• 0:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's either I am going to survive this or I'm not going to survive this.
• 0:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: And when you're going through the healing journey, when you're overcoming these symptoms, it can feel like your life is completely flipped upside down.
• 0:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: You can feel in total utter chaos.
• 0:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so I want to share with you how to deal with chaos in your life.
• 0:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because while you're going through this journey, your life is going to feel chaotic.
• 0:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: You naturally feel that already.
• 0:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: But you'll find that as you come out of this, as you heal from this, it's going to be one of the greatest things to happen.
• 0:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: And in fact, there's going to be other times in your life where you're going to feel this exact same way.
• 0:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: And it's not only going to be anxiety related, there's going to be other times that you're experiencing chaos.
• 0:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: But in fact, if you can leverage it correctly,
• 0:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: or actually serve you.
• 0:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: It'll help you evolve.
• 0:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: It'll help you grow.
• 0:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: So let's get it started.
• 0:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: So if you're near to the channel and you don't know who I am, my name is Sean.
• 0:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: We help people around the world overcome their symptoms, go back to living.
• 1:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you want to know the skill set of recovery, overcoming panic attacks and trusive thoughts,
• 1:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: The de-personalization de-realization, the physical symptoms, I'll put a link down below to a free ebook that walks down the skill set of recovery.
• 1:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: This video is going to be more about the mindset.
• 1:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: The principles behind going through the recovery journey, because going through the recovery journey is more than just understanding the skill set.
• 1:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know, when I was dealing with anxiety, I went from someone who was completely carefree.
• 1:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: who was living on their own, who was a little bit reckless in many ways.
• 1:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know, I was very fearless.
• 1:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: I never really gotten hurt before in life or like, you know, I think really bad ever happened.
• 1:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so I thought I was a little invincible as, you know, most people are in their, you know, teens and early twenties.
• 1:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so I would travel.
• 1:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: just have a bunch of fun and then got my first panic attack, then got more panic attacks and just spiraled.
• 1:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: Just went back to moving back to my parents' house, lost my job, got into medical debt.
• 2:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I just felt like my life was completely chaotic.
• 2:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: I felt like I didn't know who I was.
• 2:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: And what happens is that a lot of people that are going through this, whether it's with anxiety recovery, whether it's something else.
• 2:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: We often think that in chaos, that this is the end.
• 2:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: that when you're in this period where you don't even recognize your life, you don't recognize what's going on, that this is somehow the end.
• 2:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: But the truth is, is that when you're in the midst of this chaos, this chaos is actually a transition.
• 2:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's all it is.
• 2:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: And when you're in transition, that's when the most growth happens.
• 2:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: Think about it.
• 2:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: Have you ever been in a relationship and then that relationship ended?
• 2:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: Ask yourself, when did you grow the most in that relationship or once that relationship ended?
• 2:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: Typically after when that relationship ended, what happens when you lose your job?
• 2:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: Well, the growth doesn't happen in the job.
• 2:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's happening.
• 2:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, I've lost my job.
• 2:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now what?
• 2:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now what do I do?
• 3:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: And when, you know, people who's their job, they're thinking, oh my God, this is the end.
• 3:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: And they don't think that, hey, maybe I could find something better.
• 3:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: Right?
• 3:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so when you're on this healing journey and you feel like there's parts of you that have been stripped away, where you feel like there's parts of your life that's been taken away, we often think, oh my god, that's the end.
• 3:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: But it's not the end.
• 3:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: In fact, it's a transition.
• 3:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: And you need to go through it.
• 3:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: A great example that I love is that, you know, when you see a force fire, and you know, especially here, I'm in the US, I'm in Boston right now, but you know, if you go to LA and there's huge force fires, you know, when we see force fires, we think destruction, right?
• 3:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: And what's interesting is that Native Americans used to create forest fires all the time.
• 3:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: They used to do it intentionally.
• 3:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: And the reason why they did it is because what would happen was is that it would help clear the ground.
• 3:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: It would help make it easier for hunting.
• 3:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: Any sort of excess, what would happen is that the forest fire would clean it up.
• 4:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: In fact, there are some trees that can only sprout.
• 4:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: Their seeds can only sprout in the midst of a fire.
• 4:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so what happens is that when you see these forest fires nowadays is that you basically don't see anybody creating a fire, right?
• 4:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: And what happens is that nature or whatever happens, the fire ends up
• 4:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know, creating itself in turns into a massive like flash fire, where basically everything gets burned down.
• 4:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now, the analogy I'm trying to make, and I don't think I'm doing honestly the best job here, but follow me here.
• 4:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: The analogy that I'm trying to make is the fire is the transition, right?
• 4:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so what happens is that when we avoid it, what happens is that, you know, the grass ends up growing, all the trees, all these other things end up taking up a lot of space.
• 4:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then when the fire does happen, because that's inevitable, that's the transition that's life will everything burns, right?
• 4:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's like this whole flash burn.
• 5:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: While Native Americans would understand that transitions are part of life that, you know, going through, you know, creating little small fires here and there is actually good for the ecosystem.
• 5:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's good for the environment.
• 5:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so what happens is that when we're on this journey, we're so resistant to the transition.
• 5:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: We're so resistant to chaos because our minds start thinking that chaos means it's the end.
• 5:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: But it's not.
• 5:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: And in fact, chaos is necessary.
• 5:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's part of the transition.
• 5:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: And in order to go through that transition, you have to grow.
• 5:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: So this is just an experience of groaning.
• 5:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so the people that always do well, the people that I have found that just crushing in the healing journey, they accept the fact that this is going to be a period where they're going to grow a lot.
• 5:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: And they are moving forward in this transition.
• 5:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: They're going to go towards this chaos because they know that it's part of the healing journey, that it's part of their growth.
• 5:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know, when I started by by panic back in twenty nineteen, it was a few months before COVID.
• 6:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: And when COVID happens, you know, a lot of people thought that, you know, so only be there for a couple of days.
• 6:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: But if you look at any studies, if you look at anything in the past, if you ever looked at, you know, the Spanish flu, you saw that this is not going to take a couple of days.
• 6:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's not even going to take a couple of months.
• 6:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so what happens is that a lot of people were trying to convince themselves that, you know, this is only going to be a couple of days.
• 6:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: But I recognize at that time that actually in many ways, things have changed forever.
• 6:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: And because I was willing to accept the fact that hey, COVID is actually going to change things, what it let me do is that it allowed me to create by by panic online.
• 6:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: I just said to myself, you know what, I'm not going to create something in person.
• 6:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to do this a hundred percent online.
• 6:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: And the reason I was able to do that was because
• 6:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: I was allowing that feeling to come in during that transition.
• 6:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: I wasn't running away from that transition.
• 7:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: I was embracing it.
• 7:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: I knew that behind this transition, behind this chaos I was happening, there was something that I could accept.
• 7:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: And if I could allow it to be there now, I could think clearly.
• 7:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so what it happens is that when people go to transitions, they only think maybe a couple of days ahead.
• 7:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: But if you can just feel the transition and embrace it, what that allows you to do is that, hey, you accept it, right?
• 7:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: You accept the transition, but be then you start thinking what's next.
• 7:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're able to plan and actually move forward.
• 7:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: People say, oh, it's the acceptance that heals you.
• 7:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: Not quite.
• 7:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: Acceptance is just the first step.
• 7:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: Acceptance is making you realize that what you're doing isn't working.
• 7:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: And you realize that letting it be and letting the wave pass on its own is all you need to do.
• 7:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so the acceptance is just a first piece.
• 7:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: The second example I want to give is, you know, if anyone knows me, they know, you know, I have a dog, I had a dog, Layla, if she passed away last month.
• 8:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: And anyone that knows me knows how much I loved her and how connected and how bonded we were.
• 8:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you were to ask me, like Sean, what's your biggest fear?
• 8:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: I would say my biggest fear is Layla passing.
• 8:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: Honestly, I won't know what to do without her.
• 8:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: I loved her so much.
• 8:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: We had such a strong bond.
• 8:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: She was part of my identity in many ways.
• 8:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: And Layla started getting a little bit sick back in October.
• 8:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: She passed last month in June.
• 8:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: But in October I noticed she was getting a little bit sick.
• 8:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: And there was a period after that where I thought, okay, like, she's gonna get better.
• 8:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: And we thought she was getting better.
• 8:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: In fact, she was actually visibly getting better.
• 9:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: But when she got sick in October, I realized that Leyla's not gonna be with me forever.
• 9:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: And when the time comes, I'm gonna have to be okay with letting her go.
• 9:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I had to remind myself that
• 9:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: Look, Layla doesn't belong to me.
• 9:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's what I would tell myself.
• 9:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: Layla doesn't belong to me.
• 9:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: I am her caretaker in this realm and the physical world.
• 9:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: I've done the best I can.
• 9:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: I've loved her to death.
• 9:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: I have taken care of her.
• 9:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: She's had a life that's better than most humans.
• 9:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: But there's gonna be a time she's gonna go.
• 9:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: And all I could think about is how happy I was to have her.
• 9:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now the reason why I'm telling you this is because I had to start that transition early.
• 9:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: And the doctor that came to our house that, you know, put Layla to sleep.
• 10:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: Ironically, she knew my work.
• 10:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: So that was pretty interesting.
• 10:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: She's like, hey, I'm a fan of your work.
• 10:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm like, thanks.
• 10:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: She used to be a dog's that chirochist before.
• 10:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: But, you know, she was telling me that sometimes
• 10:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: People have a hard time grieving when their dog passes away, especially when it's sudden.
• 10:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: When the dog is fine and then like the next day they're just sick and you know you just put them down, put them asleep.
• 10:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: And really what was what we were talking about is that people have a hard time with dealing with transition.
• 10:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know, transition in life and any aspect and how transition can feel like chaos in that moment.
• 10:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I didn't know how I was gonna react when they had a past.
• 10:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: I honestly didn't know.
• 10:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'd never, I remember I talked to my parents before they had a past.
• 10:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I was honest with them.
• 10:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: I said, listen, I think I, I don't think I've ever confronted death like this for someone that I'm so close with.
• 11:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like I don't think I've experienced this level.
• 11:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: I've been scared from my own life, from anxiety.
• 11:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I've had friends that have passed away.
• 11:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: Um, due to accidents and other things, but I've never had someone who I've loved, who I've loved, even maybe more than myself.
• 11:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: And had to, I've never dealt with that before.
• 11:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so I was scared.
• 11:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't, I didn't know what would happen.
• 11:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't know how intense it was going to be.
• 11:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: And one of the things that helped was just basically what I learned from the healing journey, which was embrace the chaos, embrace the transition,
• 11:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: And it's not the end, right?
• 11:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: I know Leyla is in a much better place.
• 11:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: And any time I think about a shield Kay, does she have enough water?
• 11:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: Did I give her food weight?
• 12:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: Where is she?
• 12:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because I still think like that, especially, you know, I've been taking care of her for, you know, almost ten years.
• 12:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it's natural to think like that.
• 12:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then after just remind myself that, hey, she's in a better place.
• 12:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: She doesn't need that stuff.
• 12:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: She's much happier.
• 12:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: And that allows me to embrace the chaos.
• 12:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: And that allows me to embrace the transition.
• 12:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then what I decided to do is travel more.
• 12:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know, I couldn't travel as much for a couple of reasons.
• 12:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: The first one is I would misalail it too much when I would travel.
• 12:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: And the second reason is, towards the last few months, Leila was a little more sick.
• 12:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so I couldn't be away from her for too long.
• 12:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so when Layla was passing, I was like, OK, well, I'm going to travel more.
• 12:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm here in Boston.
• 12:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm like a couple of blocks from Harvard University right here.
• 12:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: And after this, I'm going to New York.
• 12:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so it's learning to embrace the chaos.
• 12:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's learning to embrace the transition.
• 12:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: And recognizing there's a lot of growth that happens in that moment.
• 13:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: And a lot of the stress and a lot of the anxieties and a lot of the resistance
• 13:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: is done by ourselves like where the ones that resist the change and what happens is the whole, you know, force turns into this massive fire.
• 13:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: When if we could just embrace the change, you know, when you just embrace the transitions, it's a lot easier.
• 13:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: And people don't want to embrace the transitions.
• 13:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: They don't want to embrace the chaos because really what they're afraid of is how they feel.
• 13:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: So if you can just have those feelings,
• 13:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know, I have those feelings of sadness, I let them come, they come in waves, the feelings of grief.
• 13:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: And when those happen, I just think about all the good times that I would lay, and all the gratitude I had for, honestly, the blessing of having such amazing creature, an amazing, you know, amazing being like her, to have her be part of my life.
• 14:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know, I feel so lucky for that.
• 14:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: And just keep moving forward.
• 14:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: It was the same thing I learned in the healing journey.
• 14:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: When I ended up leaving Montreal and coming back home, I didn't want to come back to Austin.
• 14:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: I wanted to move back to Montreal, but I was almost forced to stay in Austin and then over time I ended up loving Austin.
• 14:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: Austin ended up becoming one of my favorite cities.
• 14:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: In fact, a lot of the work I do is
• 14:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: The mecca of Austin, a lot of people that are really great at what they do, whether it's coaching, online service providing, you know, mentoring, they all live in Austin.
• 14:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: So it's kind of wild that I ended up moving from Montreal to Austin because of my anxiety.
• 14:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I didn't want to.
• 14:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: I wanted to move back to Montreal.
• 14:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: I was almost forced to stay there and look a few years later, ten, twelve, fifteen years later, how much it served me, how much I'm so glad that I ended up moving Austin.
• 14:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so life has these ways of throwing chaos at you.
• 15:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: And it feels like, you know, it's over, but it's not.
• 15:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's just transition.
• 15:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: And when you're in that transition, that's when the most growth happens, right?
• 15:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's like a relationship.
• 15:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's like leaving a job or getting like, go out of job.
• 15:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, we'll just get another one.
• 15:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know, and the other one might be even better.
• 15:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because you're, you know, you're going into the unknown.
• 15:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's unfamiliar.
• 15:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: There's uncertainty.
• 15:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: There's fear behind it.
• 15:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: But if you can just embrace it and move forward, you'll recognize that all the best things in life happen in the unknown.
• 15:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: So how was video helps?
• 15:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes these videos are more for me than it is for you.
• 15:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's very cathartic to me.
• 15:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you want to learn the principles of recovery, the skill set, I have a master class.
• 15:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: It goes really in depth.
• 15:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's right here.
• 15:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: Check it out.
• 15:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'll see you in the next video.