Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / 267. 14 Years, New Baby And A Habit That Hurts, Why Won't He Just Stop?

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267. 14 Years, New Baby And A Habit That Hurts, Why Won't He Just Stop? · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Apoge production an easier advice. Are you okay what happened?
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: Promise it won't be too much? Bring it in.
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: Welcome to our Bestie Segment, Girl, this is the place
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: for you. Hello, and welcome back to another episode of
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: our beautiful Bestie Segment. This is basically where you come
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: in with your anonymous omissions and share with us a
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  Speaker 2: little sticky situation or something that you might be navigating
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  Speaker 2: in your everyday life that maybe you don't want to
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  Speaker 2: go to your girlfriend's about. So Ashley, let us know
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  Speaker 2: what you've got for us today.
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  Speaker 1: Alright, let's get straight into it. So the title is
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  Speaker 1: fourteen years, a new baby and a habit that hurts?
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  Speaker 1: Why won't he just stop? By the way, this is
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  Speaker 1: all anonymous, so we have no idea who's written in context?
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  Speaker 1: Am I overreacting? Hi? Ladies, just wanting you This is
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: a long one. My husband and I have been together
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  Speaker 1: for almost fourteen years, married for three of those, and
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  Speaker 1: have just welcomed a baby. Girl. Before I start, I
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  Speaker 1: love my husband so much and watching him become a
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  Speaker 1: dad has made me fall in love with him all
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  Speaker 1: over again. But there's one thing that absolutely grinds my
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  Speaker 1: gears don't get me wrong. I'm all about a cute
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  Speaker 1: little buck grab in the kitchen, a tap as he
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  Speaker 1: walks past, or a quick little boot grab. But he
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  Speaker 1: is obsessed with pinching, flicking or rubbing my nipples and
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  Speaker 1: it hurts. Not what I expected, no neither eether it's
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  Speaker 1: gonna be drinking or drugs or pot or something. It
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  Speaker 1: all started when I got a boob job about five
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  Speaker 1: years ago, and since becoming a mum, my nipples have
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  Speaker 1: lost some sensitivity, which he is aware of, but around
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  Speaker 1: the time I am due for my period, they are
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  Speaker 1: still super sensitive. I've told him time and time again
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  Speaker 1: for years, please don't do it, that it hurts, but
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  Speaker 1: he continues, and I'm getting so wild about it. It's
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  Speaker 1: not just that it hurts. He does it at the
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  Speaker 1: most inconvenient and annoying times, like when I'm running late
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  Speaker 1: and quickly trying to put on a bra and get dressed.
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  Speaker 1: He gets in my way and insteasts of pinching my nipples.
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  Speaker 1: My final breaking point and what made me submit this
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  Speaker 1: was the other night I was getting into the shower.
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  Speaker 1: It was late and it was bloody cold in Australia.
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  Speaker 1: At the moment I turned the shower on, and while
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  Speaker 1: it got warm, I was getting ready to jump in
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  Speaker 1: before I froze my ass off as soon as I
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  Speaker 1: was naked. It was like he sensed it straight in
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  Speaker 1: the bathroom, grabbing my fucking nipples in capitals. I'm trying
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  Speaker 1: to tie my hair up and put my headband on
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  Speaker 1: and he is getting in the way. Not to mention,
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  Speaker 1: his hands are freezing, and I said, can you stop,
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  Speaker 1: I'm trying to have a shower and your hands are cold.
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  Speaker 1: He got defensive and walked away. His response to me
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  Speaker 1: asking him to stop is always the same, that didn't hurt. Oh,
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  Speaker 1: I'll never touch your boobs again. Then I thought you
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  Speaker 1: said they weren't as sensitive anymore. Never once has he apologized.
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  Speaker 1: Now that we have a little girl, I want to
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  Speaker 1: model to her that no or stop means no or stop.
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  Speaker 1: So what is she going to think when she hears
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  Speaker 1: her mom say no and dad continues to do what
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  Speaker 1: he's doing and responds with, well, that didn't hurt. I've
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  Speaker 1: mentioned this before and he doesn't say anything or again,
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  Speaker 1: he just gets defensive. I've tried talking calmly after the fact,
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  Speaker 1: I've tried the moment saying stop, and I have in
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  Speaker 1: a few occasions tried pushing him away and asking him
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  Speaker 1: firmly to stop. I don't know what to do anymore,
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  Speaker 1: but gosh, it feels good to get that off my chest.
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  Speaker 1: I should also mention that sometimes he'll stop when I
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  Speaker 1: asked him to, But what I'm getting to is it's
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  Speaker 1: only a few hours later that he's doing it again.
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  Speaker 2: I'm sorry. I don't know how you have the patience.
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  Speaker 2: I would fucking rage. To me, that feels like the
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  Speaker 2: ultimate level of disrespect, Like you're genuinely serio, You're not
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  Speaker 2: just playing around anymore, Like regardless of what it is
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  Speaker 2: that you are saying, stop too, and he is continuing.
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  Speaker 2: To me, that's disrespectful.
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  Speaker 1: How would you tell her to have this conversation to
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  Speaker 1: express the seriousness of it, because she's obviously tried, she's
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  Speaker 1: pushed him away, she's gotten annoyed, and he just gets
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  Speaker 1: defended like he's just not getting it, and he's obviously
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  Speaker 1: there's a fantasy, but like there's a kink there. He
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  Speaker 1: really enjoys it. So how would you have that conversation
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  Speaker 1: if Grant was doing that to you?
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  Speaker 2: If I were in your position and that was happening
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  Speaker 2: to me. I think with time, that would make me
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  Speaker 2: feel really unsafe, because to me, it's not the surface
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  Speaker 2: level thing, it's the underlying thing of him actually not
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  Speaker 2: hearing you, and I would feel like very misunderstood and
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  Speaker 2: like he wasn't listening to my concerns and something that
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  Speaker 2: was obviously really bothering me, And that would make me
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  Speaker 2: feel like he doesn't care about what I want and
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  Speaker 2: what I need, only for himself. And so I think
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  Speaker 2: the way that I would address that is I would
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  Speaker 2: have a conversation like, say, this is something that I've
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  Speaker 2: brought up multiple multiple times, but do it not after
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  Speaker 2: you've had a fight, but when you're feeling really good. Hey,
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  Speaker 2: there's something i'd like to address with you. This is
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  Speaker 2: coming up for me. I feel really disrespected when you
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  Speaker 2: continue to do this, and with time, I will resent
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  Speaker 2: you if it continues. So what I'm going to need
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  Speaker 2: from you moving forward is for you to respect my
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  Speaker 2: boundary when I say no, or if you can, just
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  Speaker 2: not do it at all, because this is actually going
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  Speaker 2: to create a crack in our relationship.
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  Speaker 1: I'm trying to prevent that because I love you so much.
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  Speaker 2: And if it's something that he continues to do after
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  Speaker 2: that conversation, I think you need to have a deeper
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  Speaker 2: conversation around whether he actually does have respect for you
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  Speaker 2: in the relationship or not. If you come to someone
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  Speaker 2: and you say that and he's still not listening, like,
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  Speaker 2: that's a red flag. That's something to look at. And
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  Speaker 2: I'm not going to throw around the word red flag
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  Speaker 2: just because people are doing it now, but genuinely that's
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  Speaker 2: a concern because if it's done on the little things,
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  Speaker 2: it'd be done on the big things too. I truly
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  Speaker 2: believe something that I would probably personally do. I don't
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  Speaker 2: know if this is healthy or not, but if someone
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  Speaker 2: were to continue doing that, like I would pull away physically, yeah,
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  Speaker 2: emotionally yeah, physically emotionally Like that would be almost like
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  Speaker 2: a nonverbal boundary for me of like I'm not being
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  Speaker 2: intimate with you. I'm not going to kiss you, I'm
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  Speaker 2: not going to you know.
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  Speaker 1: Turn you on to make you feel like you want
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  Speaker 1: to go with him.
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  Speaker 2: And it's not because I want to punish. It would
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  Speaker 2: be I imagine because I feel unsafe, and the moment
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  Speaker 2: that I feel unsafe immediately like that part of me
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  Speaker 2: is gone, Like that part of me is turned off. Yeah,
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  Speaker 2: so that's my personal opinion.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, I know, I love everything you've said. I would
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  Speaker 1: back that. The daughter part really got me. I was
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  Speaker 1: giggling at the start, and then the thought of because
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  Speaker 1: I've got a daughter who's four and sometimes Steve does
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  Speaker 1: that with tickling. I'm on his back about that. He'll
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  Speaker 1: tickle and tickle and she'd be like, no, daddy, And
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  Speaker 1: I'm like, when she says no, that is the moment
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  Speaker 1: you stop. And I can see the intentions. Good, But
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  Speaker 1: I'm with you on this. I feel that no means
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  Speaker 1: no when it's said. I also would love for you
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  Speaker 1: to explore with him, like when maybe is a good
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  Speaker 1: time for this? Is it like for play? Because if
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  Speaker 1: this is a kink of his, I don't think anyone
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  Speaker 1: should have to squash their kings if he really enjoys this,
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  Speaker 1: Is there a playful, pleasurable way that you guys can
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  Speaker 1: do this with each other just in the bedroom or
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  Speaker 1: just when you're having a shower together, or can you
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  Speaker 1: just like tone it down a notch and make it
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  Speaker 1: more softer. I like when ofim was being played with
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  Speaker 1: but pinched and flicked absolutely fucking.
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  Speaker 2: Not freezing cold, No imagine like trying to tie your
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  Speaker 2: hair up, and in that moment, like for me, like
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  Speaker 2: when I hear this, I love the take that you've
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  Speaker 2: like got on this with like the king part. To me,
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  Speaker 2: I just go immediately to like he's trying to annoy
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  Speaker 2: her because he gets a kick out of annoying her.
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  Speaker 1: And that's a question to ask too, Like yeah, but
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  Speaker 1: also I think underlying the something there for him that
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  Speaker 1: he really enjoys that part of her body.
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  Speaker 2: It's like a playful way for him to playfully express
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  Speaker 2: or maybe he does get a kick out of I
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  Speaker 2: feel like men do this in general. They're like, oh,
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  Speaker 2: I like seeing this fiery side of you. Yeah. Yeah,
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  Speaker 2: I wonder if he likes that, like that ruh that
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  Speaker 2: you like come back at him with when like you're
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  Speaker 2: annoyed in him.
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  Speaker 1: I would have the conversation you've had and put like
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  Speaker 1: more boundaries in place, and I think over time it
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  Speaker 1: will be eight cracks because you're gonna lose respect for him,
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  Speaker 1: him not respecting you and your body and what you want.
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  Speaker 1: And also I wouldn't want my daughter to be saying that.
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  Speaker 2: And I wonder if that's a conversation you mentioned the
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  Speaker 2: daughter thing, maybe that's a conversation to bring up.
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  Speaker 1: I think that needs to be brought up yet again.
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  Speaker 1: And everything you've said, and then also, okay, obviously you
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  Speaker 1: enjoy this. Is it because I get annoyed and that's
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  Speaker 1: kind of fun for you? Or is this genuinely like
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  Speaker 1: a way that you get turned on? And if so, like,
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  Speaker 1: how can we bring that into the bedroom somehow? But
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  Speaker 1: when I'm cold, and I don't think anyone wants their
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  Speaker 1: nipples to be flick when it's freezing, Absolutely not, especially
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  Speaker 1: o DMS. Is there someone that likes that? Because I
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  Speaker 1: don't know anyone that would.
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  Speaker 2: There's a time and a place and gentle, so I
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  Speaker 2: know that's a less no, less, definitely less.
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  Speaker 1: Oh sounds like everything else in the relationship is beautiful, amazing.
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  Speaker 1: You love him so much, he's a great dad, You're
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  Speaker 1: in love with him all the things. It's just this
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  Speaker 1: one thing. But the resentment can build over the years,
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  Speaker 1: and that's just not good for any relationship. It does
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  Speaker 1: create cracks, so big conversations, to have more serious conversations,
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: to have boundaries and exploration as well. Yeah, yeah, we
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  Speaker 1: hope that helps keep us update. We'd love to know
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  Speaker 1: how he responds absolutely. And also I know I always
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: bring this in, but like, if you guys can't have
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  Speaker 1: this conversation and find a resolution. This is where I
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: think bringing a third party is really good because sometimes
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  Speaker 1: he's just not hearing you. But if he hears explained
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: from another woman or a man, an a mediator like
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  Speaker 1: a counselor or a coach or something, they might word
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  Speaker 1: it in a different language that makes him go, oh fuck, okay,
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: I can see what you mean now. Yeah, and sometimes
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: that's that's cool. That's a different way to go about
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  Speaker 1: it too. Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: I wonder as well if the roles were reversed of
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: like is there something with the bulls?
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  Speaker 1: How does that feel bad?
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  Speaker 2: Yes? Honestly though, like what's something that maybe you know,
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  Speaker 2: annoys him? Yeah, you got to put it to him
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  Speaker 2: like that, Like, how would you feel if I were
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  Speaker 2: to continuously do X, Y Z two yes, all the time?
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  Speaker 1: Like would that bother you?
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  Speaker 2: Out of curiosity?
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: Would that bother you?
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  Speaker 1: Yeah? No, I'm just kidding. That is a good point, though,
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  Speaker 1: I don't know. I had this flashback where Steve was
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  Speaker 1: playing with my name was one day on the couch
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  Speaker 1: and it started off nice, but then it just got annoying.
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  Speaker 1: I did the same thing to his snappert he gotta
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  Speaker 1: tickle it from like, see you don't like that, do you?
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  Speaker 1: He's like, no, I'll stop now. Oh my gosh, it's
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: so funny.
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  Speaker 2: I immediately I feel like I have like trauma from
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: like when my sister used to tickle me until I
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: used to peet.
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  Speaker 1: Oh.
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  Speaker 2: This is obviously different context and different side note, but yeah,
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  Speaker 2: I remember she to the point where she would literally
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: hold me down and take on me until I would
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  Speaker 2: like cry and like screw it out for my mum,
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: and she just like wouldn't stop.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, siblings brutal.
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  Speaker 2: I'm just like absolutely no.
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  Speaker 1: No means no no. So weould love an update. Let
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: us know how you go, and hopefully there's a couple
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: of things in there that you can try to communicate. Again.
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: I think you're just going to have to keep trying,
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: but let us know. I would love an update. Thanks
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: for joining us, guys. If you have a anonymous submission
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: that you would love to write in the linkers in
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: our bier below. It could be anything to do with
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: your relationship, your friendships, anything work, anything that you just
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: want an outside perspective, and maybe you've got great friends
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: around you, or maybe you don't, but it's just someone different,
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: and we're going to give you the honest advice that
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: we would give to each other. So bring it in
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: more context, the better, and we'll see you guys on
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: a Friday.
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: Bye bye,