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Transcript

Why You Keep Saying “I’m Stressed”: How to Understand What You’re Really Feeling | Let’s Get Emotional · Let's Get Emotional

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Let's Get Emotional.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Tatiana Rojas, and these many episodes are a little different because it's just me today.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: I wanted to take a few minutes to talk you through some of the ways emotions show up in everyday life.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: Most of us have a few words we use all the time when we talk about how we're doing.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: I'm stressed, I'm tired, I'm annoyed, I'm fine.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: And these words can be accurate.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: You really can be tired, stressed, annoyed, or fine.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: But a word can also become so familiar that we reach for it without giving it much thought.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: And it becomes the quickest way to describe what's going on.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I want to talk about today.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: Not because there's anything wrong with saying I'm stressed, but because the words we use over and over can start to cover a lot of different experiences.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: Think about stress.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: Work was stressful, traffic was stressful, the conversation was stressful.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: Getting out the door with the kids was stressful.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: The weekend was stressful.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: The same word can show up across very different situations.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: And that matters because stress from having too much to do does not feel the same as stress from waiting on an answer.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: Stress from conflict does not feel the same as stress from uncertainty.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: And stress from being overloaded doesn't feel the same as stress from feeling disappointed.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: The word can stay the same while the experience changes.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: The same thing can happen with annoyed.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: You can feel annoyed because someone interrupted you.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: You can feel annoyed because you feel ignored.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: And you can feel annoyed because plans changed.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: You can feel annoyed because you've had the same conversation five times and nothing has changed.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: On the surface, it can all sound like annoyance, but what's happening in each moment can be very different.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why it can be useful to pay attention to the words we tend to use on repeat.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: Not to stop using them, not to replace them with something more impressive, just to notice what we reach for first.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of us learned emotional language based on what was used around us.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: In some families, fine covers almost everything.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: In others, mad becomes the word for anything uncomfortable.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: And for some people, stress feels easier to say than disappointed, worried, or hurt.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: And there are reasons for that.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: Certain words feel safer, and certain words are easier to say out loud.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: Certain words give less away.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: That can be useful, especially when you don't want to explain everything to someone else.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: You get to decide what you share.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: If someone asks how you're doing and all you want to say is I'm fine, that can be enough.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: The part I'm more interested in is what happens when you're talking to yourself.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: If I'm stressed is the only phrase you use every hard day, it can become harder to notice what is different from one experience to the next.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: One stressful moment can mean you have too much on your plate.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: In a different situation, stress can come from worrying about what happens next.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: It can show up during conflict, it can come from feeling pulled in too many directions, it can even come from being tired of feeling responsible for everything.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: The word may stay the same, the experience may not.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: So instead of asking yourself to come up with better words, start by noticing your usual ones.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: What do you say most often?
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: And what do those words tend to mean for you?
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: Do they change depending on the situation?
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: The kind of attention can tell you more than you expect.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: Before we wrap up, I want to give you a few minutes to think about your own emotional language.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: You can do this wherever you are, and if you're driving, keep your attention on the road and just listen to the questions.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: But if you're somewhere you can relax, get comfortable, and settle in.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: Alright.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: Let's start by thinking about the words you tend to use when someone asks how you're doing.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: Not the words you think you should use, but the words you actually use.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: Do you use words like fine?
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: Good, tired, stressed, busy, annoyed, okay?
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: Notice which one comes to mind first.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: Now think back over the last few days.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: How often do you use that word once?
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: Several times?
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: Enough that you barely noticed it?
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: What does this word usually mean when I use it?
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: If your word is stress, think about what stress tends to mean for you.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: Is it too much to do?
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: Waiting for something?
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: Frustration?
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: Feeling pulled in too many directions?
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: Needing space?
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: Let the answer come in whatever form it comes.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: Do I use the same word for different kinds of experiences?
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: Notice what comes up.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: You may realize the word fits a lot of situations.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: You may notice that it changes depending on what's happening.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: And you may also find that you haven't thought about it before.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: Think about one recent time you used that word.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: What was happening around you?
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: What made that moment different from a different time you use the same word?
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to rename the experience, you're only noticing the differences.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: As you move through the next few days, pay attention when one of your familiar words shows up.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to change it, but pause long enough to ask, what does this word mean for me in this moment?
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: That question can help you notice more without turning every feeling into something you have to analyze.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: If this reflection brought up the thought, I wish I understood this part of myself a little bit better.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: That's part of why I created the Let's Get Emotional, Emotional Fluency, Learning the Language of Feelings course.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: In the course, we're going to spend more time exploring how emotions show up, how to better understand your own experiences emotionally, and how to put what you're experiencing into words that you can use to better communicate.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: These mini episodes give you a place to pause and think about some of these ideas.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: The course gives you more space to explore them and work through them at your own pace.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: So let's get emotional, emotional fluency, learning the language of feelings will launch in September through Own Your Bloom.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: If you want to keep up with the course and what I'm creating there, you can follow Own Your Bloom on Instagram and TikTok.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: I'll be sharing more about this course as we get closer to the launch.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: But until next time, if you're not sure what you're feeling, totally okay.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: Give yourself some time to make sense of it.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: You can figure out the rest as you go.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: Have a great rest of your day.