Latest / Breaking Absurdity — Today's Top Headlines That Can't Be Unheard. Brought to you by @ItsNotSatire. / Melania and Donald Trump's Kiss Fail & JD Vance Fails to Explain Katie Zacharia

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Melania and Donald Trump's Kiss Fail & JD Vance Fails to Explain Katie Zacharia · Breaking Absurdity — Today's Top Headlines That Can't Be Unheard. Brought to you by @ItsNotSatire.

• 0:00
  The MAGA universe continues to expand, apparently
• 0:03
  to other life forms. While Trump is negotiating
• 0:06
  diplomatic relations, with his own wife. In today's
• 0:16
  breaking absurdity, our MAGA trio has added a
• 0:19
  new inmate to the crew. Meanwhile, JD Vance struggles
• 0:22
  to explain what went wrong with Katie Zachariah.
• 0:27
  And the internet has some ideas about what she
• 0:30
  really wanted. Leading off today, Donald Trump
• 0:36
  is negotiating some very difficult diplomatic
• 0:38
  relations. Unfortunately for the president, the
• 0:41
  negotiations are taking place in his own marriage.
• 0:50
  And just like that, Melania reminds her husband
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  he's the president, but she's the one with the
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  negotiating power. And now, the moment Donald's
• 1:00
  been waiting for, or as Melania would call it,
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  the moment to check the escape routes. Now it's
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  time for the replay cam. Trump extends his hand.
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  Melania accepts. He's going in for the kiss.
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  She turns. She turns. Oh, he's got the back of
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  the head. He's got the back of the head. An absolute
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  disaster in the Rose Garden. Oh, that's gotta
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  hurt. He's been completely shut down this entire
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  term. And judging by that reaction, the president
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  may need to offer a little more than an executive
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  order to secure a kiss from Melania. Remember
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  when you held my hand for free? It was never
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  free. What you're looking at here is my own version
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  of what I think Melania and Dada were talking
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  about. Wow. That's a terrible deal. Five seconds.
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  Maximum. Okay. You sign right here. Five seconds
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  per handhold. Very unfair. Looks expensive. My
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  other hand is strictly off limits. Based on absolutely
• 2:00
  no evidence whatsoever. Nobody's ever charged
• 2:05
  me this much to hold a hand. Wow. Make it look
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  official, darling. You're very good at pretending.
• 2:11
  Well, it only makes sense if Donald Trump can't
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  get affection from Melania, then he's going to
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  turn to somebody else. A man, actually. And I
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  examined his ass. I never did that. No, I never
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  did that with a man before. I examined his ass,
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  and then I looked at his shoulders. I looked
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  at his feet. I looked at his hand. I looked at
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  his jawline. Well, that's pretty specific for
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  somebody who says they've never done it before.
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  Sure, Jan. And this keeps happening over and
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  over again. In fact, we spent an entire episode
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  talking about this. I watched up and down. I
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  looked at his ass, and I looked at the whole.
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  Well, Lawrence O'Donnell decided he had enough.
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  If it's true that Donald Trump is obsessed with
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  appearance, I'm not sure it's filtered down to
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  all areas of MAGA. In my last episode I introduced
• 3:20
  to you Kelly Loeffler and Barbara Thornhill,
• 3:23
  in addition to Susan Dell who we covered last
• 3:25
  week. The three are quite the dynamic trio, at
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  least according to AI. Because making dance videos
• 3:31
  of these three has become one of the internet's
• 3:33
  favorite pastimes. But as of today, an inmate
• 3:37
  has joined creating a dynamic foursome. Check
• 3:40
  out Elizabeth Holmes in this rendition. Apparently
• 3:46
  the internet thinks they are gangsters. And they
• 3:48
  like to do things together like bash TVs and
• 3:51
  spin wheelies in the parking lot and play with
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  their hoopties. Well I guess carrying around
• 3:56
  bags of cash tracks for most of them considering
• 3:58
  they're billionaires. And somehow they're still
• 4:00
  not the most troubling people in this administration.
• 4:03
  Enter JD Vance. What's the lesson or lessons
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  from what happened with Katie Zakaria? JD Vance
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  appeared in a two -way involving Katie Zakaria
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  and I realize that's a really... strange choice
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  of words, but that's what it says on the screen.
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  I'm just gonna cut through all the times JD Vance
• 4:28
  has trouble answering this question. Oh, so after
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  all that stuttering we're gonna blame the media.
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  The minute she came out of the gate, the vultures
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  had descended upon her. People were trying to
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  destroy her, just trying to destroy her professionally.
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  No, Katie Zachariah destroyed herself. She lied
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  about being an attorney and everyone knows that.
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  Trying to make, you know, a big brouhaha out
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  of did she pass the bar? Did she not pass the
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  bar? Yeah, who cares about honesty and integrity?
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  It doesn't matter that she said she passed the
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  bar in China and told everyone she was an attorney
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  when you're not even supposed to say you're a
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  lawyer or an attorney if you haven't passed the
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  bar exam. Even though nobody accused her of ever
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  violating the law, she practiced in China for
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  a little bit and then went on to work in public
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  commentary, so I think... Nope, not true either.
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  Katie didn't practice law in China. Katie was
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  in China on a paid internship. Part of it is
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  just like when you bring somebody into that incredible
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  vortex of pressure and attention, maybe we have
• 5:31
  to do, um... You know, could do a better job
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  at onboarding that person and preparing them
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  for what's coming after them. What was that,
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  JD? You. to do a better job at onboarding. I
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  can't believe what I'm hearing. He actually mentioned
• 5:44
  Donald Trump messed up. Very important lesson,
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  which is when it's clear it's not working out,
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  move on. Apparently, JD's caught on repeat, so
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  we're just going to leave it there, hoping we
• 5:58
  never have to talk about her again. Katie Zachariah
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  no longer identifies as an attorney or a White
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  House press secretary. But at least she did one
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  of those two things because she definitely was
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  never an attorney. But some people online had
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  some insights about how Katy got there in the
• 6:13
  first place. Maybe it was Chachie BT. Chachie
• 6:17
  BT, Chachie BT, how I become a millionaire in
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  30 days? Get a job. Bro, what did they talk about?
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  ChatGPT, what if you don't want to get a job
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  and you want to be a millionaire? Well, she's
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  already halfway there. She doesn't have a job,
• 6:30
  so I guess the rest is up to ChatGPT. Of course,
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  ChatGPT can only get you so far. It can't get
• 6:36
  you a job or a personality or teach you how to
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  manufacture political outrage. Which brings us
• 6:41
  to Tommy, the young man who tried to put Abdul
• 6:44
  El -Sayed on the spot last week, only to discover
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  he'd brought a question to a debate he probably
• 6:48
  should have done his homework for. Will you disavow
• 6:51
  the Muslim movement? Sure. Yeah, absolutely.
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  Well, maybe you thought Tommy was just an ordinary
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  voter asking an innocent question. Well, about
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  that. I really hope that Tommy's dad paid him
• 7:01
  more than the $200 that they were paying protesters
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  at all the other Abdul El -Sayed events. Meet
• 7:06
  Thomas Teeple. He recently showed up to an Abdul
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  event for a gotcha moment, and unfortunately
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  for Tommy, it backfired. Sorry, Tommy. Abdul
• 7:24
  was actually able to use that as a campaign ad.
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  Anyway, remember that pack that was offering
• 7:28
  college Republicans $200 to heckle Abdul? That
• 7:31
  was America Next pack. They had some engineering
• 7:34
  student arrange the entire thing and coordinate
• 7:36
  the protesters and even mentioned that this massive
• 7:39
  conservative influencer was going to be there.
• 7:40
  I'm sure this was totally organic. Anyway, back
• 7:43
  to how America Next paid for this influencer
• 7:46
  marketing. Turns out, last month, they paid a
• 7:48
  company in Baton Rouge, Louisiana called Breakthrough
• 7:51
  LLC $250 ,000 for canvassing and influencer marketing.
• 7:57
  And who's behind that Breakthrough LLC? Well,
• 8:00
  that would be one Timmy Teeple, Tommy's dad.
• 8:07
  Thanks for watching Breaking Absurdity. And remember,
• 8:10
  don't stare into the abyss alone. Let's do it
• 8:12
  together. Like, subscribe, and leave a comment
• 8:15
  below. Let me know what you thought about this
• 8:16
  episode. I want to hear from you.