Latest / The Daily Sarcast / October 28th, 2026: Blue Food Dye, Kelly Clarkson And My Journey To Brooklyn

Transcript

October 28th, 2026: Blue Food Dye, Kelly Clarkson And My Journey To Brooklyn · The Daily Sarcast

• 0:00
  Do you hate your life? Are you tired of your job, your apartment,
• 0:03
  your friends, your dating history, your partner, and the fact that there are
• 0:08
  people who remember everything embarrassing that you ever said or did?
• 0:11
  Introducing Fresh Start, the first witness protection program for people who
• 0:16
  actually haven't witnessed anything.
• 0:19
  They'll get you a new passport, a new identity, a new country,
• 0:22
  and a fresh set of people to disappoint.
• 0:25
  They'll help you pick a new name, a new career, a new backstory.
• 0:29
  Story you were lindsey from new york not anymore you're now claire from portugal
• 0:33
  you own a vineyard you speak three languages,
• 0:36
  and you don't have an instagram account because you know you just don't do that sort of thing.
• 0:41
  Did you get dumped? Fresh start. Did you embarrass yourself at a work event? Fresh start.
• 0:46
  Did you spend six months telling everyone you were going to launch a business
• 0:49
  and now you're avoiding their texts?
• 0:51
  Girl, they have a whole department for that. And the best part,
• 0:55
  you don't even need to be in witness protection.
• 0:57
  You don't even need to have witness to crime. Your only qualification is that
• 1:01
  you cannot stand the life that you've created.
• 1:04
  For an additional fee, they'll deactivate your dating apps, deactivate your
• 1:08
  social media, and provide a prepared statement for your family explaining why
• 1:12
  you've moved to another continent without telling anyone.
• 1:15
  Fresh Start, because sometimes healing means therapy, and sometimes it means
• 1:19
  getting a new passport and making sure no one knows your real ass name.
• 1:23
  Fresh Start is not responsible for your new country's taxes,
• 1:26
  language requirements, or the fact that you'll still be you when you get there.
• 1:30
  I think that everybody that would be willing to walk in the door,
• 1:32
  they'd see they're welcome to come eat with us.
• 1:35
  We love to give them a great tasting sandwich and great hospitality.
• 1:38
  The owner of Chick-fil-A, who finally did his first ever on-camera interview
• 1:43
  and completely avoided all of the great questions about gay people not being
• 1:48
  allowed at his restaurants.
• 1:50
  Insert theme song here. This is the Daily Starcast. I give you the news and maybe a laugh.
• 1:55
  I'm Lindsay Wernick and today is October 28th, 2026.
• 2:00
  In real news, so if you thought Halloween was scary, just wait until you hear
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  what's happening to your candy.
• 2:06
  RFK Jr. and his Make America Healthy Again movement are coming for artificial food dyes, as we know.
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  But right now, he's specifically going after the blue M&M.
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  So last year, as we know, Kennedy announced this plan to remove all of the bad
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  food drives from our food, right?
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  And he was like, we just shouldn't be consuming them, of course.
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  He also says that they contribute to hyperactivity in children,
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  neurological problems, and maybe even cancer, which is crazy.
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  He's also going after Doritos, Cheez-Its, Captain Crunch, and gummy bears and
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  calling them all poison. I mean, he's not wrong there.
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  However, the FDA has approved nine synthetic food dyes and has considered them
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  all safe, according to their standards.
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  And a California state agency found links between food dyes and hyperactivity in children.
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  And the FDA was like, yeah, well, maybe some kids are just more sensitive than others.
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  So now all these candy companies are like freaking out.
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  And Mars, who makes M&M's, promise to develop a naturally colored version of their candy.
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  And apparently, making candy blue without artificial dye is like a huge pain in the ass.
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  Like, millions of M&Ms go through this factory every day, and they're all tumbled
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  in these huge machines while they're getting colored coating.
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  And Morris has always used Blue One. It's this dye that arrives at the factory
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  as a liquid and then just, like, goes easily onto the candy.
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  And now Morris has turned to spirulina, this, like, as we know,
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  this super healthy thing that we all need to be taking.
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  But the spirulina comes as a powder and it's also a protein so it makes it a lot thicker,
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  so it has started clogging a lot of pipes and sticking to like the inside of these machines,
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  and because this buildup can create mold and other contamination it now actually
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  becomes a food safety issue,
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  so now mars has to figure out how to make millions of candies a day without
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  production equipment basically turning this into like an actual nightmare.
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  So Mars has been able to make all the colors really work except for blue and
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  brown because of the spirulina.
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  So all of these new candies are available, but Mars has not said that they're
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  eliminating these artificial dyes. You can still get them.
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  The company is still now making these naturally colored alternative candies,
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  but they're still going to make the regular M&Ms.
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  But I mean, if you buy these new M&Ms, like you're not that much healthier.
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  You're still eating chocolate and sugar.
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  You're not like magically eating some like vegetable just by like not eating an artificial dye.
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  We're all eating like crazy things every day. The last thing that we're worried
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  about is like when we're going to eat M&Ms, we know we're eating junk.
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  So we're not really concerned about like eating like natural m&ms but i guess
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  like all these like natural crazy people are excited about it maybe.
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  So there's these new government programs called the Trump Accounts,
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  and they offer $1,000 for kids that are born during Trump's second terms,
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  which is a way to give families a way to start building their child's
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  financial future through investments.
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  And you would think a lot of these parents would just take the free cash.
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  Like, you know, raising a kid is expensive.
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  Diapers cost a fortune. Childcare costs a fortune.
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  And now even accepting a check is considered a political decision.
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  And there was this one mom in Michigan who got the check. And originally,
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  her and her husband were like, this is definitely a scam.
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  And then once they realized it wasn't, they were like, well,
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  maybe it's not going to work as it promised. Like, maybe this isn't what it really seems.
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  And also, we don't want our baby to actually be associated with Donald Trump.
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  So they ripped up the check and opened up just a regular investment account for their baby.
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  And it's not even just because everyone's like, ew, we hate Trump.
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  Yeah, we do. But also, it's because Trump has a lot of failed things.
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  He's put his name on a college and airline stakes and casinos.
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  And some of those things have failed and they hit bankruptcy.
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  So maybe he's actually not the most successful businessman, so why would you
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  want to be financially associated with him, you know?
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  But then to the other point, it's like, are we so much against our government
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  now that we're literally refusing to take money from them?
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  I mean, obviously, like, yeah, we hate our government. Most of us do.
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  But, like, it's just like a zooming, a zoom out situation.
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  I don't know the word for that. Okay, so tell me that you know about the Kelly
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  Clarkson story. Because the other day, I met somebody who literally lives in
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  Brooklyn and didn't know about this.
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  So, Kelly Clarkson went to this store in Brooklyn called The Art of Play a couple weeks ago.
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  It's like this magic kind of, like, weird shop in Brooklyn with her kids.
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  And she was looking at this mechanical bird named molly it like sings and moves
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  and like does all this like cool stuff.
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  And apparently the people who like the owners were there of the company and
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  they were like oh you can't afford this,
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  and she like got super offended because the bird was fifteen thousand dollars,
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  and then she like went online and she took all of this of course to social and
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  she was like they were so rude to me i felt like julia roberts and pretty a
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  woman pretty woman when she like walks into like that really nice store and like the,
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  the employees like are really mean to her so obviously the brooklyn store went
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  online and they were like this bird is one of a kind and actually this bird was never for sale.
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  And then Kelly wrote back and posted a photo of the $15,000 price tag on the bird.
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  But also, like, the bird really wasn't for sale. It's like one of those things
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  where it's like, yeah, you could spend $15,000, but we don't really want to sell it.
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  So instead, they offered Kelly a bird for like $2,000. Like, that's nice, right?
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  Like, why would you want to pay $15,000 when somebody's giving it basically
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  the same thing to you for $2,000? I mean, it literally is the mechanical bird we're talking about.
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  So now, after all of this publicity, apparently this bird costs $15 million,
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  so you literally absolutely maybe cannot buy it.
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  That is now until, like, Elon Musk or something walks in and is like,
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  yeah, I'll just, I'll get it for, like, one of my, like, million kids.
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  But now, because of how viral this whole story went and the store are getting,
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  like, really scary messages and, like, the store is getting negative reviews
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  and, like, the employees and the neighbors are all facing threats.
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  And it's like really scary oh and then there's one more part of this story so
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  there's the guy who invented this bird,
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  it's this guy bliss and he's a 70 year old guy who lives in seattle and he's
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  been making these birds like these crazy elaborate birds for the past like 15 years now.
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  He's only made about 25 of these and they cost between 4 000 and 15 000 and
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  some of them take almost like a year to make.
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  But now after this whole scandal went viral, he's gotten about 100 commission requests.
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  Like, that's really crazy. So I guess somebody benefited from this.
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  In Lindsay life, oh my God, yesterday I tried to go to Brooklyn,
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  but somebody died again on the L train.
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  There's different rumors I was hearing, like somebody was subway surfing,
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  somebody got pushed, like whatever. But like this has happened way too many
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  times now. Like they need to do something about this, but that's besides the point.
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  So it was literally a mess. Like if you don't live in New York City,
• 10:06
  to get to Brooklyn can sometimes be a nightmare.
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  Sometimes it's really easy. you just go down to 14th street and you just pop
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  on the L and it takes like 10 minutes and bam, you're in Williamsburg.
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  But when you can't take the L, everything becomes an actual nightmare.
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  Like most people just are like, you know what, if you have to get there,
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  you're just like, screw it, I'm just going to take a freaking Uber.
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  But even then, because everyone was taking Ubers and cars, that took like an hour or two.
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  Like that took so much longer and way more expensive.
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  Of. So what I did was get this. I go down, I get on the six and that just came
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  right away. I take it two stops down, but then it was waiting for the M train
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  to get to the other side, to get to Brooklyn.
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  I had to wait two rounds of the M train because it was so packed and everyone
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  was like little ants, like trying to like, just like sardines,
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  like just trying to like cram in.
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  And we're all trying to make ourselves so small so we can all just like get on the train.
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  And people don't move into the train either like there's so much space on the
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  other side and I literally yelled at some people like can you guys move in everyone's
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  like what what are you guys talking about you want me to what like dude come
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  on you see what's going on here,
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  so finally I make it,
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  to Brooklyn. I get off the M and then I walk to the bus stop because it's like
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  a 30-minute walk to go to my friend's show to see them.
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  So I get on the bus and the bus driver was like, oh, this bus is stopping at Massachusetts Avenue.
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  And I was like, I don't know what that means. And I show him my phone.
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  This is where I'm trying to go. And this other woman was like,
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  you're good. You're good. I see. Just get on the bus.
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  So there's five of us on this bus. and we're all like are you here because you
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  had to take the m train too because the l train was down
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  we're like yeah so we all became like these little friends and we're all like
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  talking about like how horrible it was and like what we had to do to get there,
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  and then right before i get to the second city for the show we hit a detour
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  so it takes me even longer so then now we have to hit a detour and we have to
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  go around it was literally like.
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  If anything nothing more could have gone wrong in that scenario.
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  And I kid you not, I got the biggest headache from all of that,
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  and that is why the podcast was delayed this morning, was because I literally
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  had the worst migraine from that, that I had to delay this. So sorry for that.
• 12:32
  But also, I think the MTA should start giving out frequent flyer miles,
• 12:36
  because it probably would have been easier for me to go to LaGuardia and get on a flight instead.
• 12:42
  Things I'm thinking about. Why don't homeless people in the north migrates after the winter.
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  Like, I'm serious. If you're homeless in New York and it's like two degrees
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  outside, wouldn't you rather be homeless in like Florida or Texas? Like.
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  I'm going to be miserable outside and be freezing. I'd at least like to be in 75 degree weather.
• 13:05
  And yeah, moving costs money. But also just like, at that point,
• 13:09
  you can just hitchhike, right?
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  And obviously, I'm like being a little arrogant, like homelessness is way more
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  complicated. Like, you can't just do that all the time. But also just like,
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  couldn't you just do that?
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  I don't know, maybe I just solved the answer to people being homeless in New York in the winter.
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  But also nature has taught us that when it gets cold you leave,
• 13:31
  cooking tip of the day always read step one before you start cooking because
• 13:36
  marinate overnight is a devastating thing to discover at 7 4 to 3 p.m when you've
• 13:41
  already invited someone over and told them that you're really good at cooking,
• 13:44
  feedback comments questions a nice jewish boy looking for a date email me at
• 13:48
  lindsay at thedailystarcast.com thank you so much for listening again sorry
• 13:52
  this one was so late today And I will talk to you guys tomorrow.