Latest / The Rockyn YES Podcast - with Dr. Raquel Yarroch / Are You Saying YES to Everyone but Yourself?

Transcript

Are You Saying YES to Everyone but Yourself? · The Rockyn YES Podcast - with Dr. Raquel Yarroch

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Hello and welcome to the Rockin' Yes podcast.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Dr.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: Raquel and I'm here walking with my dog Bella.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: So those of you who know me, you know a little Bella.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I will, and this is an audio version, so for those of you who are going to watch on YouTube, I'm going to do my best to create a little bit of footage.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: You can see pictures of Bella as I walk and talk.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: But I wanted to kind of come in and talk about how life gets busy.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: And when life gets busy, we have a tendency to stop doing the things we should do.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: So am I multitasking right now?
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: I'm walking my dog, I'm recording a podcast, I'm drinking my coffee and pushing her stroller because you know, sometimes, you know, she's 12.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: And so sometimes she just needs to ride for a block.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: Now she generally walks most of it, and she has to smell every piece of grass, and she'll change directions.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: So we'll be going along, and all of a sudden she'll be riding, and then she'll decide that she wants to go in a different direction.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: She'll look at me, she'll get out, and she'll completely change our direction.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: Have you guys ever had that happen to you where you're just kind of going along and all of a sudden something, someone, some force completely shifts your entire direction, whether or not you turn completely backwards and go back the way you came, or you take a sharp left or a sharp right?
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: Well, Bella likes to do that.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: She likes to find different ways, but she's also a creature of habit and she likes to go on the paths she knows.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: So do you like to go on the path like that you know that you're comfortable with?
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: It I find that people have a tendency to like to go where it's familiar, where it's comfortable, where they where they know they're safe, and they would rather go in that direction.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: And even if it's not safe, but it's something you know, people will go back to even bad relationships, bad jobs, bad things that are not in their highest purpose because it's something they know.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: It might not fill them up inside, it might not fill you up inside.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you're doing this yourself.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: And the thing is, society, society can have a tendency to kind of push you in that direction because one, you need a job, two, you know, if you're not in a relationship, you're lonely or there's something wrong with you.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: Or three, if you're not healthy, well, you know, just go to the medical system.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: So let's talk about a couple of those things, like how getting comfortable, getting uncomfortable, but also like how we can get so busy doing life that we forget to stop and actually smell the grass, like Bella does, um, and just start looking around.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: So if we always do what we've always done, we're always gonna get what we've always had.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: It's kind of like the definition of insanity.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: If you keep doing the same thing and expecting different results, it's just not gonna happen.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sure you're sitting here giggling along with me, like, oh, well, yeah, duh.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: But you see, we're creatures of habit.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: We will go back to where it was easy, the the path of least resistance because we're familiar, we know that.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: And a lot of times you'll see people shift and change, whether it's in their health, they'll start doing you know, eating all the good foods, they'll start exercising, and they'll do it for a certain period of time until it gets uncomfortable, or until they get busy doing something, and once they get busy, or they realize they're uncomfortable, or they have a bad day, or they have a bad month, or you know, something happens, it will set you back, so you will start to go back into what's comfortable.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: Trust me, this has happened.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: This is what we call yo-yo, like dieting, right?
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: Because we start out with the greatest intentions to do something.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: We get we're like, okay, New Year's starts, we're gonna start working out, and it lasts for about two, three days, and then you're so sore, you're like, Why the hell was I doing this?
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: Or you start eating all these healthy foods, and then you start having like the detox reactions, and you start getting headach, or you start feeling achy, and you're like, Why am I doing this?
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: It's just easier to go back.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: I know how to cook those foods.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: What happens is you get into the stress response, you've got your regular day-to-day day activities.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: So you're always going, going, going, right?
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: And you've got yourself in a pattern.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: So you eat the same foods every day, you do the same things every day.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: You wake up at the same time, you go to bed at the same time.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: Like I said, we're creatures of habit.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: But if you want to shift and change that, you got to recognize that pattern.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: And then we have to use the tools to start shifting and changing that.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: So the tools are things that I use in my one-to-one breakthrough coaching and my health coaching.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it's also things that I use in my retreat to help us break free in a group setting.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: So you can choose to do either way.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: Come in a group, do it in a one-to-one setting.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: You can always talk to me to find out if it's something right for you.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: But I want to kind of explain, like, so here's one example.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: I have, I don't know how many of you like sugar.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: I like sugar.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: And when I get stressed and I'm overwhelmed and I've been working all day, or it's hot out, or anything like that, I wanted to come home.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: I just wanted a bowl of ice cream.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know about any of you, but I know a lot of people who love ice cream.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: There's so many different flavors.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: Come home and grab.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what your favorite flavor is, but mine was always kind of like a peanut butter ice cream one.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so good.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: So not good for me.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I realized eventually that I'm like, wow, that's just my stress pattern.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I'm doing.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: When I get overwhelmed, I just I stop thinking and I just reach for something and start doing that.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: And it fills my little happy center somewhere in there in my brain, right?
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: It gives that little like rush of dopamine, feels good.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: So I was working with my group, and um, because not only do I help coach you guys, but I also do get coached.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: I work with a group that where we are working on ourselves so that we can come back and be even better for you.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: So I was working with a group, and I'm like, you know what?
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: I really need this habit shifted or this pattern in me shifted.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: And they're like, okay.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: So you know what we did within like probably 20 minutes, 30 minutes, we completely shifted that pattern where I learned to breathe, and I also learned to do, say, go for yogurt instead.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: And this was about a month ago, and quite literally, I have not bought a bowl, bought a thing of ice cream, and I have not come home after work and just sat down and eat ice cream.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: Have I had ice cream?
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: I think a matter of about three times over the month where before it would have been every single day, if not twice a day.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: So that is a huge, huge shift because instead of reaching for the bowl, I taught myself to breathe.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: And then I just taught myself, I don't really need this.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: Because once I breathed, I felt fine because I had shifted and I had done a reframe in my head, and then I'm like, somebody gave me a deal.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: They're like, Well, if you need something that creamy texture, try some healthy yogurt, and I don't mean like the fruity kind and all that stuff, like the you know, more healthier yogurt, depending on if you can have dairy or not, but and no sugar.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: So I did that, and it feels amazing.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I was in this rut of doing that for months.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: I've done this for years in reality, off and on, because it's what I would do when I got stressed.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: And let me tell you, when you're running a couple businesses, dealing with a lot of different things, dealing with kids and relationships and careers and health and everything, I realized also your brain, when you're using so much of your brain power, so I use a lot of brain power during the day, and your brain needs glucose, which is like a sugar, it's sugar.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: And so when you've used a lot of your brain power, it needs that sugar to refuel it.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: Well, for me, I would come home and my brain would be so exhausted, it's like I need sugar to go.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: But in reality, it probably really didn't needed something different.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: I needed to fuel my body with food in a different way, and so that is what I am in the process of also shifting.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: But that's the same thing that I do with my clients.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: Again, it's always looking to see what's going on, so that you can heal and shift.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: So, some other things that you can pay attention to.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, whether if it's that, it could be just that you're like, oh my gosh, when I wake up, I don't even think happy thoughts.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to get up and work out, I don't want to do this, I don't want to do that.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: Again, when we work together, we can start to shift and change that so we can create new habits and patterns for what you want to create in your life.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: Some people don't want to work out in the morning, they'd rather work out in the afternoon or evening.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: Some people, you know, it again, this is about figuring out what's right for you and creating the patterns that are right for you.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: So back to me and Bella walking.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: Bella got out, she had to shift things, she walked us back to the apartment.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: So I put her back in her little buggy, and I'm like, no, we're gonna keep walking.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: So I don't know if she's happy or not.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: I think she's just tired, so she gets to ride in her buggy for a little bit, and then she'll get out and she'll change directions again as usual, because she has certain ways she likes to go, and apparently I chose to go in a very different direction than what she's used to, and she knew it, so she redirected us.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: So um, when you have those redirections in life and you go back to what's comfortable, the first step is just becoming aware of your patterns, and if you can't, if it's hard to become aware of your parents, because trust me, it's not always easy.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes getting in a group, having other people like talking about things, all of a sudden, like for me, it was like getting in a group and talking about the different types of patterns or the different ways our brain does different things, which actually opened up to be like, oh, I didn't realize that was a pattern I was doing.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it's a little difficult to discover stuff all by yourself.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: You aren't meant to be alone, you're meant to be with people.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: So I want to offer you the an invite to come to my retreat that I am having.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: It is, I will be having several of them so you can look at the schedule and pick the one that works for you.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: But I will be having retreats, different lengths, uh, different locations, and possibly even different topics.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: They're kind of based on who comes as to the learnings that will be given, uh, the transformations that will happen, because there's no accident as to which date you pick.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever date you pick is the exact right date for you to be there, see your transformation, for you to step into who you were meant to be, to break those patterns that are holding you back, that are keeping you trapped in a dead-end job, your career.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you want to shift or change, maybe you've got some kids that have left home and you're like, oh my god, what do I do?
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe your your marriage, uh maybe you've just gotten a divorce, or maybe it's not working out right and you want to save your marriage, or maybe your health has taken a hit.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: Because as we get older, even younger people, but as we get older, as we've continued going on with all the stress in our daily lives, especially you hit 40s, 50s, that stress accumulates.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: And the next thing you know is you got some different health issues.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: And the thing is, you want to get back to feeling like you're 21 again.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, everyone I talk to is like, can I just be 21 again?
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: And to do that, we have to take a look at what's going on.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: What are the stress patterns?
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: What's going on in your brain?
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: That's part of the cause of the issue.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what these programs are for: the retreats, the one-to-one, the health coaching, the get testing the labs.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: Check your hormones.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: I talked to so many people that so need to get their uh hormones, their gut, their toxin levels, their micronutrient statuses all checked because when you check those, you can actually see what's going on underneath the hood.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: So you can actually support your body.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're interested in discovering what's about you and learning about yourself and how to make yourself up-leveled, you know, a more refined, beautiful human being, then definitely get a hold of me.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: I will have a link in the show notes for you to get a hold of me.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: And this is a rockin' yes podcast, and the yes stands for your empowered self, but it also stands for saying yes to you.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: Because so many times we're saying yes to everybody else, and we're not saying yes to ourselves, and I truly, truly want you to say yes to yourself, give yourself permission.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: I give you permission to say yes to yourself and no to others.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_00: No to things that don't fill you.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_00: No, you can say no.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_00: What if you have people that always like think of this?
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_00: You've seen this in school.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: There's always that one student who's really smart, who knows how to do everything.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: And then we have the other students that maybe they get into a group and they're they just want to like goof off and do whatever.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_00: The goof off ones are really good at figuring out who the studious one is and giving them the work to do.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_00: Because you know what?
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: They're like, you know, it's part of the personality.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: They they want to get that work done, they want to do a good job, and they know they can do it.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: And the others are like, Hey, you want to do mine for me?
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: You want to do my project for me?
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_00: And what do they say?
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes, yes.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: But at the what cost?
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_00: You look at this little kid who says yes to them, and you're thinking as an adult, you're like, dude, you gotta say no, you gotta let them own their own stuff and do their own project, right?
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: You gotta give them their own responsibility back.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: That isn't your job.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: The thing is, we started doing this as kids.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes, yes, yes, I'll do that for you.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes, yes, and no, no, no to ourselves.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: And so, what I want to say is look at yourself when you say yes to everybody else.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_00: Are you being that little girl who's enabling those other people to stay the way they are?
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: And by saying yes and doing everything for them or taking care of everybody else, or are you saying no to them so that they learn to take control and take ownership of their own life?
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: It's not easy to do that, but I do give you permission to do that, right, Bella?
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_00: So I want you to think about that every time something kind of comes up.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_00: Think about that little school age girl.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: You know, apparently Bella does not want to go for a walk.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_00: I made her go the other way, and now we're getting back out and going back the way we came.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yep, she's about to determine we're going home.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: She must be tired, she doesn't even want to ride.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, but I want you to realize that.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to zapatink.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_00: Was I that yes girl?
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: Was I that one that did everything for everybody, or the one everybody asked to do stuff for them because that they knew I would get it done?
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: Or did you maybe you weren't that way as a kid, but maybe as you became a parent, you became that.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_00: Or as a do you have a spouse and you became that?
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: So I want you to kind of stop and really like think about that.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: Because even even I do that, and I still do that, even still to this day, and I have to learn the art of saying, no, put boundaries up, put a clear boundary as to what you're willing to do and not willing to do, so people don't take advantage of you.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_00: This is about you saying yes, and when you step into that, your empowered self emerges.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_00: And guess what?
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_00: Not only do you respect yourself more and you start to love things better and love yourself, and then you also start taking ownership of your health and other things too, because you've learned to say no to things that are dragging you down.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: So I want you to say yes to you, take radical responsibility for your health, your life, and your career, relationships, you know, your spirituality.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_00: Take the time for you, really sit with that, think about it.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_00: Where are you giving away your energy that you're saying yes to everybody else?
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_00: And there's all this energy leaking to them.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_00: When if you would say no, it'd be a greater service to that person because they would have to figure out how to do things.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_00: And again, this is the Rockin' Yes podcast with Dr.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_00: Raquel Yarrow.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for joining me, and I look forward to speaking with you again in the show notes.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_00: You will have all the ways to contact me via phone 608-565-7600 through my website, rockinhealth.com, or even email me at drraquel at rockinhealth.com.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_00: I am super excited to get to meet you, to talk with you, and to discover ways that we can help you create the life you want and the health you want and the career and relationships that you want.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_00: So, see you and talk to you soon.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_00: Have a beautiful day.