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Marriage Trap: Are You Gender Profiling Your Spouse? · Doing Marriage Well

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  5-4-3-2-1 Doing Marriage Well for June 16, 2026 Marriage Trap Are you gender profiling your spouse?
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  The way our heart, a.k.a. Mr. Hyde, sees our spouse is prone to gender profiling.
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  If we have a negative opinion about the opposite sex, we paste that on our spouse
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  because they are part of that group.
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  Like most prejudices.
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  We tend to be blind to it. In our mind, it's reality, and this view is likely
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  supported by our same-sex friends.
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  If your dad treated your mom badly, you expect your husband to do the same to you.
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  With your mind, you see he's not that way, but your heart suspects he's just pretending.
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  If your dad treated your mom better in public than in private,
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  you know men fake it and may expect the same from your husband.
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  If your college girlfriend was given to irrationality and burst of emotion,
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  you may think this is how women are.
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  She was sweet at first, but as you got closer, she turned.
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  And internally, you expect your wife to do the same. And again,
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  the stories your friends tell will tend to reinforce your seeing the bad.
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  We recall bad things better and more strongly than good things.
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  So what we share about our lives tends towards the bad.
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  You'll hear more from your friends about how their spouse was mean,
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  rude, or selfish than you'll hear about them being loving, generous, or a blessing.
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  These ways of seeing your spouse are, in part, protective. If you're on the
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  lookout for the ugly stuff you have suffered in the past, you may see it in
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  time to avoid or limit it. In a similar way,
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  the bad things your friends have suffered in any of their romantic relationships
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  serve as cautionary tales.
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  But there's a problem. If you look hard for something, you will find it.
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  If there is any hint, you will enlarge it. And if it's not there, you may see it anyway.
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  With your past and the voices of your friends in your head, your sight is skewed.
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  You fight all of this by engaging the rational part of your mind.
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  Challenge what you feel. Is there,
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  good evidence for the conclusion that fear and feelings have fed you?
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  Is there another explanation for what your spouse said or did?
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  If your spouse has no history of being abusive and is only occasionally selfish,
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  you should give them a large benefit of the doubt.
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  You should give them a large dose of the benefit of the doubt.
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  Tell Mr. Hyde to go away. He's not your friend.
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  Expect imperfect but very real love from your spouse, and you will find it easier
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  to see just that in their words and actions.
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  A challenge. Next time a friend complains about their spouse,
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  ask for one good thing their partner did this week.
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  This is Paul, and while Dr. Jekyll will help you do marriage well,
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  Mr. Hyde never will. Two, three, four, five, six, seven. Thank you.