Latest / WholeHeart Conversations / Just Because You Feel It Does Not Make It True
Transcript
- 0:00Constance Lavonice: Today, I want to talk about emotional reasoning.
- 0:05Constance Lavonice: What is it?
- 0:07Constance Lavonice: Emotional reasoning is a cognitive distortion.
- 0:13Constance Lavonice: A distortion in the way you think is based on emotions.
- 0:20Constance Lavonice: It's an unrealistic negative thinking pattern.
- 0:26Constance Lavonice: It's when you reason based on your emotions, make assumptions, and then form beliefs that become your reality.
- 0:40Constance Lavonice: Emotional reasoning guides your behavior and interactions with others.
- 0:49Constance Lavonice: It's when you're accepting your feelings as reality without any basis in fact.
- 0:58Constance Lavonice: So what's the problem?
- 1:01Constance Lavonice: The problem is that when you reason emotionally, you create an inaccurate perception of reality.
- 1:12Constance Lavonice: Reality is simply defined by your emotions.
- 1:18Constance Lavonice: That leads to self-defeating behaviors, which can be detrimental to your mental, spiritual, and relational health.
- 1:31Constance Lavonice: It also hinders the flourishing life that God desires for you.
- 1:39Constance Lavonice: Welcome to Whole Heart Conversations.
- 1:44Constance Lavonice: This is a podcast for women where we discuss biblical faith, mental health, and whole heart, spirit, soul, and body resilience.
- 1:56Constance Lavonice: I am your host, Constance Lavonice.
- 2:00Constance Lavonice: Emotional reasoning looks something like this.
- 2:04Constance Lavonice: You're feeling sad or discouraged, and you assume that you're not going to have a good day.
- 2:14Constance Lavonice: So maybe you go back to bed, or you just say, I'm not going to do anything today.
- 2:24Constance Lavonice: Those are self-defeating behaviors, which perpetuates a cycle where you allow your feelings to guide you and control your thoughts.
- 2:39Constance Lavonice: There have been many times when I had a client come to session and she says, Hey, I'm not feeling well, so this session will probably be short.
- 2:53Constance Lavonice: And then halfway through the session, she's smiling or laughing.
- 3:00Constance Lavonice: Her emotions have changed.
- 3:04Constance Lavonice: And she's feeling differently and thinking differently.
- 3:12Constance Lavonice: So the session that she thought that she would have to cut short because she just didn't feel like it, it turned out to be a very meaningful session, after all.
- 3:29Constance Lavonice: But that's an example of being guided by your emotions.
- 3:35Constance Lavonice: We have to remember that emotions are temporary, they change, they're fleeting.
- 3:44Constance Lavonice: Another example is someone who feels unloved because you grew up in a household with a lot of turmoil or conflict.
- 3:57Constance Lavonice: You were abandoned or rejected.
- 4:01Constance Lavonice: And you assume, conclude without evidence, that no one will really love me.
- 4:11Constance Lavonice: Everyone lies to me.
- 4:14Constance Lavonice: And that becomes your reality.
- 4:19Constance Lavonice: Again, it leads to self-defeating behaviors, especially in relationships with others.
- 4:30Constance Lavonice: Or there's the person that feels anxious.
- 4:36Constance Lavonice: And because she feels anxious, she assumes something bad is going to happen.
- 4:44Constance Lavonice: Or it's a bad idea.
- 4:46Constance Lavonice: Or I made a wrong decision.
- 4:50Constance Lavonice: It becomes your guiding principle.
- 4:53Constance Lavonice: So you hold back and you limit yourself.
- 4:59Constance Lavonice: Then there are people who feel good.
- 5:06Constance Lavonice: And if I feel good about it, I assume it's the right thing to do.
- 5:14Constance Lavonice: But everything that feels good is not good for you.
- 5:22Constance Lavonice: And what about the person who feels shame?
- 5:26Constance Lavonice: It may be based on experiences from childhood or as an adult.
- 5:33Constance Lavonice: They assume I'm a bad person.
- 5:38Constance Lavonice: I'm not worthy.
- 5:40Constance Lavonice: I don't deserve good things.
- 5:44Constance Lavonice: I deserve to have bad things happen.
- 5:48Constance Lavonice: What follows?
- 5:51Constance Lavonice: Self-defeating behavior.
- 5:54Constance Lavonice: They settle, discount the positive, shrink, tolerate, never seeing yourself or experiencing the life God intended for you to live.
- 6:14Constance Lavonice: And so as you're listening, you may think about your gut feeling.
- 6:21Constance Lavonice: As women, we have what we call a woman's intuition.
- 6:27Constance Lavonice: So what about intuition?
- 6:31Constance Lavonice: Trust in my gut when I just sense something.
- 6:37Constance Lavonice: Well, for intuition, the root word means to perceive through our senses, to become aware of, to notice, to become consciously aware of something.
- 6:54Constance Lavonice: And that takes thought.
- 6:57Constance Lavonice: That takes some mental processing.
- 7:00Constance Lavonice: It's pattern recognition based on subconsciously stored experiences.
- 7:08Constance Lavonice: And then there is such thing as discernment.
- 7:15Constance Lavonice: There's spiritual discernment, which can be found in First Corinthians chapter 12, verse 10, which says, He, the Holy Spirit, gives someone else the ability to discern whether a message is from the Spirit of God or from another spirit.
- 7:39Constance Lavonice: So there are cases when someone is experiencing spiritual discernment.
- 7:48Constance Lavonice: However, emotional reasoning is drawing conclusions about external facts based on emotions.
- 7:58Constance Lavonice: For example, I feel nervous, that's my inner state, my emotion, nervous about buying this car.
- 8:11Constance Lavonice: So you conclude that it must be a bad idea that I should not buy this car if I'm feeling nervous.
- 8:24Constance Lavonice: However, the nervousness is an inner state.
- 8:30Constance Lavonice: It is telling you what's happening to you within you at that moment.
- 8:38Constance Lavonice: It doesn't tell you facts about the world or reality.
- 8:44Constance Lavonice: The question is, what is this emotion saying to me?
- 8:50Constance Lavonice: What's going on inside of me at the moment?
- 8:54Constance Lavonice: Oh, I'm nervous.
- 8:57Constance Lavonice: Why am I nervous?
- 9:00Constance Lavonice: It may be saying, because this is a big purchase, not something to go in to lightly.
- 9:09Constance Lavonice: Did I think about my purchase?
- 9:11Constance Lavonice: Did I consider the financial impact of my purchase?
- 9:16Constance Lavonice: If so, it may be a very good idea based on careful analysis of my expenses, needs, and circumstances.
- 9:28Constance Lavonice: So being nervous wasn't a factor in whether you should have purchased the car or not.
- 9:37Constance Lavonice: So, how do you know when you're engaging in this cognitive distortion?
- 9:44Constance Lavonice: What are the signs?
- 9:46Constance Lavonice: First is to know that cognitive distortions, emotional reasoning, is a pattern of behavior.
- 9:59Constance Lavonice: It happens frequently, more days than not.
- 10:06Constance Lavonice: The second thing is that when you find yourself experiencing strong emotions without any evidence, your friend cancels a scheduled outing, and you're upset or mad or become sad or depressed because that's a safer emotion for you.
- 10:32Constance Lavonice: And then you tell yourself that she really doesn't like you, or she's mad at you, and you believe it.
- 10:42Constance Lavonice: Strong emotions that just don't fit the situation.
- 10:50Constance Lavonice: Wow, where is all this emotion coming from?
- 10:55Constance Lavonice: I've found that when there's a disproportionate amount of emotion, it tends to have less to do with the present and more to do with the past.
- 11:11Constance Lavonice: That belief system or unconscious experiences underlying the emotion.
- 11:22Constance Lavonice: The third thing is being reactive.
- 11:28Constance Lavonice: When you find yourself reacting on impulse, and as a result, you say or do things that negatively affect yourself or others.
- 11:41Constance Lavonice: Proverbs 29:11 says, a fool vents all his feelings, but a wise man holds them back.
- 11:51Constance Lavonice: A foolish person says everything she thinks, but a wise person holds their tongue until they've thought about what they have to say.
- 12:05Constance Lavonice: What's the plan to counter emotional reasoning now that you know what it is and the consequences?
- 12:14Constance Lavonice: The first step is to practice awareness.
- 12:19Constance Lavonice: Start recognizing your emotions and separating them from your thoughts.
- 12:25Constance Lavonice: Being anxious doesn't mean I'm in danger.
- 12:30Constance Lavonice: And recognize when you're drawing conclusions or determining facts based on your emotions.
- 12:41Constance Lavonice: Keep track, keep a journal.
- 12:45Constance Lavonice: The second step is to weigh the evidence.
- 12:50Constance Lavonice: What are the facts?
- 12:53Constance Lavonice: What's the evidence that supports my thinking?
- 12:58Constance Lavonice: What am I missing or dismissing?
- 13:02Constance Lavonice: Am I discounting information?
- 13:05Constance Lavonice: Is there a positive explanation for my emotional findings?
- 13:11Constance Lavonice: The Bible says in Acts chapter 17, verse 11 that the Bereans received the word with eagerness, examining the scriptures daily to see if these things were true.
- 13:34Constance Lavonice: So we're supposed to examine our thoughts, not just go on our emotions and allowing our emotions to guide us, because sometimes we think things are true when they're not true.
- 13:53Constance Lavonice: Just ask anyone who says, Well, I've been praying and praying, and God hasn't answered me and he doesn't hear me.
- 14:03Constance Lavonice: Well, that may seem as if that's true based on your feelings, but we know that God always hears and he's always present.
- 14:16Constance Lavonice: So that's emotionally reasoning.
- 14:21Constance Lavonice: The third step is to test your assumptions.
- 14:27Constance Lavonice: In the case of the friend canceling and outing, ask if she was upset.
- 14:35Constance Lavonice: Many times we make things about us that has nothing to do with us.
- 14:41Constance Lavonice: Think about that.
- 14:43Constance Lavonice: Someone is frowning, it has nothing to do with us, it just may be their typical look.
- 14:51Constance Lavonice: Again, your emotions only indicate what's happening inside of you.
- 15:02Constance Lavonice: So when you've weighed the evidence and tested your assumption, you can start to reframe your thoughts.
- 15:18Constance Lavonice: Maybe my friend had an emergency.
- 15:21Constance Lavonice: Maybe I should call and see if everything is okay.
- 15:25Constance Lavonice: That's a more adaptive way to respond to situations.
- 15:32Constance Lavonice: First Thessalonians 5 verses 20 through 21 says, Do not despise prophecies, but test everything.
- 15:43Constance Lavonice: Hold fast to what is good.
- 15:46Constance Lavonice: So test, weigh the evidence, test your assumptions, and hold fast to what is good and true.
- 16:00Constance Lavonice: Truth is not based on your feelings, it's based on facts.
- 16:07Constance Lavonice: And it's a fact that God loves you.
- 16:11Constance Lavonice: He will never leave you or forsake you.
- 16:16Constance Lavonice: That's Hebrews 13, 5.
- 16:18Constance Lavonice: And when you have a saving relationship with Jesus Christ, you have the spirit of truth.
- 16:28Constance Lavonice: And the spirit of truth will guide you into all truth.
- 16:35Constance Lavonice: And truth is not based on your feelings.
- 16:40Constance Lavonice: And if you're listening today and this has been a problem for you, take an action to address it.
- 16:48Constance Lavonice: And you can always contact me at wholeheartwcc.com for resources.
- 16:57Constance Lavonice: And I encourage you, Christian women, to submit your emotions under the Lordship of Christ so that the Holy Spirit can reveal and heal the underlying beliefs and assumptions that fuel these emotional responses.
- 17:20Constance Lavonice: And if this message resonated with you, please subscribe and share it, and then text the show and let me know what's on your heart today.