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When Family Pulls You Back Into Old Patterns · Reframe

• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Reframe, where honest conversations create new possibilities.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_01: We're Sarah and Danny, and each week we sit down together to explore life, growth, and everything in between.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_01: Hi Sarah! Hi, how are you?
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_01: I'm good, thank you very much.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_01: How are you doing?
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, well, I'm good, but we have just been discussing as we do.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I've had a very tricky week, um, and that's kind of giving us a little bit of our content, our topic for this week, because I was just explaining to you, wasn't I, that it's been a challenging week, and I have um in the relationships within my family seen myself kind of like going back into some old patterns and identities within the relationships, and it was just kind of um creating a conversation for us about how we kind of actually often go back through difficult, more challenging experiences and how we kind of kind of shift our perspective on those, not as things that are happening to us, but opportunities for us to see ourselves differently and to learn from them.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_01: And I and whilst I can see myself is what I think I was saying to you, is like what I can whilst I can see myself in some very familiar territory with my identity and how I kind of patterns of behaviour and patterns of response to things, I can also see myself in some very different ways.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_01: I can see myself more stabilized around certain things, and I can see myself in a way of how I'm handling things differently.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_01: And I think quite often my experience is that we can jump very much into this, like, oh my goodness, I'm back in this same place and I'm doing the same things that I've always done, and why is this happening to me again and all this sort of stuff.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_01: But actually, if we really just slow ourselves down enough to just take full stock of what's going on, whilst we might initially be wobbled by things often, when we've done a lot of kind of self-development work or where we've kind of like been moving through different things for ourselves, I think you know there is an opportunity when we revisit something to see our growth.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_01: I like to call them growth markers with my clients.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_01: It's like don't see it as a repeat, see it as a marker of your growth, see what you can see, how you can see yourself differently, how you can see that you're responding differently, that you're, you know, that you are you, yeah, you that you've you're kind of that you've grown and that you are being different within a very familiar pattern and situation.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_01: I think we have to revisit them, don't we?
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: Because it's interesting when we had that conversation before, and you said, yes, I'm having to go through similar things and patterns coming up for me, but I've noticed how much I've been different this week.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: One thing was really lovely to observe was how confident and like assured you were in that.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: Like I genuinely to witness it was lovely because it was really like, ah, I'm doing something different, and that's really it was really nice to witness, but it also reminded me, you've said that to me in the past, and I can't quite remember specifically what it was, but something happened, and I said, and I would never have done that before, or reacted differently.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: And you were you said along the words of what you've just said, there is that was showing you that was a reminder of how you used to behave and that you've done something different, and like you say, a growth marker.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: So that was really lovely for you to have that experience and for me to witness it as well.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: And actually, now we're speaking about the topic, it is something very relatable for me as well.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: I've done quite a bit of reflecting this week and certain things where I'm looking at my behaviours and my patterns, and there's been I was walking the other day and thought, ah, this is the same pattern, presenting in a different way.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I think something else I said to you before is we do hit the same patterns, we hit the same behaviours and kind of situations or similar situations.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: I think sometimes as a test to say, are we changing the behaviours?
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: Is are we growing?
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: Have we got those growth markers?
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it is a recognition of wow, you have you are doing and acting differently, and sometimes it's just a reminder of like, ah, maybe we need just a bit of kind of conscious thought or awareness of this is the same pattern, how am I going to choose to react and respond?
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, definitely.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_01: I I really do see that you know it's a necessary part of kind of of of our lives, really, to revisit patterns because you know that the we always we learn in our challenges, and the moment we can sort of like say to ourselves, this is not happening to me, it's happening for me, where we can start to see that the challenges really are the opportunities for growth, because that's where we kind of like get to we we get really kind of moved to the edges of like, how do I want to behave differently here?
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_01: How do I how do I want to respond differently to this like same argument that I'm having in my relationship with this, like, oh my goodness, why are we still arguing about this same thing?
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_01: Why is it the same things that that bring me to this kind of point of tension and frustration with this other person?
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_01: If I instead of going down and like then watching yourself saying the same things and like then taking the same actions, it's like, okay, hang on a minute.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_01: What action would I rather take?
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_01: Or is there a even if it's just slightly different, if it's just a pause before you take it, if there's just a pause before you say the thing that you would normally say, it's that opportunity for something slightly different to come in.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_01: And I, you know, I always think whenever I hit these with things within myself, um, I mean, a big thing that I tell everybody to do all the time is slow down, but it is about slowing down because if you allow yourself to slow down, then you can literally see yourself more clearly.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_01: And you get to choose.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_01: This is that remembering, isn't it?
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_01: That none of these things are um set in stone.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_01: None of the things that you conversation, the conversations that you have that repeat themselves, they're actually not set in stone.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_01: You can say different things, or you can choose to not say anything, which is actually the piece of advice that I found really useful for myself.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_01: Is like, I want to say it, I want to say it, I want to say it, but I'm not gonna say it, I'm not gonna say it because I know it doesn't lead to a to something good.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_01: Even you know, it's that kind of sense within yourself of kind of I need to not say that this time.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_01: I need to just leave it here, I need to walk away, I need to pause.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: But interestingly, the same can also be true.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm thinking of some clients here where they're the opposite, where they're saying, I really want to say this, I really want to say this, I really want to say this, and then they can't get that out.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes that's the part that they they need to do.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: So I kind of from what I'm hearing from you, maybe it's I don't want to say this thing again, it's the opposite pause and kind of sit with it and keep it in.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: And and sometimes it can be the opposite of we're just sitting with this thing that we haven't yet, we don't yet feel comfortable to say, and actually, that's the change in the pattern that I am gonna say something this time.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's the cur finding the courage to say it, isn't it?
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you're absolutely right.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_01: It's not necessarily always that we have to draw back, it's actually that we, you know, that can be the pattern, the retreating can be the pattern, and I know that pattern as well.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_01: Sort of like things get difficult, let's hide.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_01: And that kind of like staying more and being, you know, being in something for longer, being there longer instead of running away from it.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_01: That's definitely a pattern that I've had in the past and that I've had to work on for myself.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_01: So I can see I understand that as well.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_01: So, yeah, definitely.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: How amazing to think of it as an opportunity, though, like you say, a test, maybe, or an opportunity to do something different, or what is it gonna show me?
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's really helped me personally when I come across challenges, like okay, I'm facing this challenge in front of me.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: What am I gonna learn from it?
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: What's it gonna show me?
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: What do I need to see in this or experience in this, or sometimes just knowing, aha, this is an opportunity, how am I going to respond?
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: And we can also get that so wrong as well.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: And even if we go, okay, I I still did the thing that I usually do, but I recognize maybe I don't want to do that anymore, that's also a step to to change and it being a growth marker.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, absolutely.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_01: I think in it, and it really is, you know, the biggest change that we can make in any of these situations is to just bring ourselves like some compassion because I think part of the problem is that we're always judging ourselves that we didn't get it right, or we didn't feel that we did the same thing.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_01: And that's what kind of where I was saying at the beginning is it's like, you know, if we if we can slow down enough, we will notice some subtle difference that we can make and that we are making.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_01: And I do believe that we get show that you know, that's just it.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_01: It's to show us as much as it is to give us the opportunity that we have changed, that we have grown, that we are different, that we are evolving.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but we have to come at it with kindness.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_01: It's like you know, you you can start beating yourself up thinking, why haven't I got am I why aren't I free of this?
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_01: Why am I doing this again?
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_01: Why is this coming up in my life?
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_01: It's not fair.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_01: This is the same thing.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_01: I thought I dealt with this.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_01: Well, there's obviously more to learn if you're facing it again.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, and so it is that compassion with yourself of it's not that you've done something wrong, it's not that you've made a mistake, it's just that now we're at a level where you can grow even more from this, you can age even more from this, you can have an even more elevated or expansive response to this than you've ever previously had because you're ready now to have that different approach to it.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I relate a lot to that when I said for this week, the things that I think I've worked on, and I probably did maybe have a little bit of that response as to like, God, it's the same patterns coming up.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I think I will continuously meet them at some point, but it doesn't mean that oh, I'm back to square one.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: I see that a lot with clients as well.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I'm back there, but it's not back there because you've gone all this way, and we don't just lose that.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe I also to catch myself in real time now, reflecting on this week, went back to gosh, it's the same patterns, but it maybe that's it.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just gonna keep meeting it continuously because there's gonna be new things to learn.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: And when I think, oh okay, I've worked through this pattern, I've worked through this belief, whatever it is, I still have done that, but there's a little bit more to learn, or a different situation too, yeah.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: Well, with it.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so interestingly, as well, from a human design perspective with this, um, and human design and the gene keys, it's like all the gates and gifts that we have in our charts have a very high, a high expression, or a lower expression, or a shadow expression.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_01: And in the shadow, we get to understand the challenge of the energy so that we can move into the higher expression.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_01: So, this is almost what we're talking about here.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_01: It's like you know, this is like we find ourselves in the challenge, but there's always an opportunity for us to grow through that challenge to experience the higher frequency of it.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_01: So, a real example of this would be that a really my what's called a sun gate, which is one of the primary energies in my human design chart, is gate 52, and it's called the gate of stillness or the mountain, and it means that its highest expression, it's got a very grounded, calm, still energy, and that's part of my frequency.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_01: But the lower expression, of course, is stress, which would be the complete opposite of that, yes.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so when I feel stressed, which is a pattern that I have felt a lot in my life, because of course I have, because this is a strong energy in my chart.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_01: When I feel stressed, I can remember that on the other side of stress, I hold this energy of this frequency of stillness.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_01: And so, how do I take myself from this stressful situation and discover and rediscover because I'm aware it's there, the stillness, the strength, the groundedness of who I am.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_01: And that's about regulating my nervous system.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_01: So, this is the practices that I have to bring myself back in, and this is because I'm aware of this pattern of behavior within me.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_01: And the interesting thing is as well, is that what people read in our energy, so our frequencies, is our ability of what we learnt in these.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_01: So, like people will know just by reading my energy, by being in my presence, that people will understand I've worked a lot on that, and so because I've done the work on that, they can access that within for themselves, so they can access the stillness, but they can know that there's a real depth to the work that I do that can take people from feeling very stressed or dysregulated into something that feels more grounded, and I think that's what I do anyway, is I help people to feel more grounded in who they are, but that's because it's of the level of the work that I've had to do on that within myself.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_01: You don't tell people that it's just something that your energy reads, and so yeah, so that's that's an interesting perspective on it, like I say, from a human design view lens, is that we're always when we know what some of these like these shadowy, weaker parts, almost weaker, you know, lower expressions within ourselves are, we also know what the gifts are on the other side, and we can work out how to to move ourselves more towards those.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: What's so nice to hear you say that, and thank you so much for explaining that as well.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: But what's so nice to hear you say that is I feel like that's a perfect reflection of what you said this week.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_00: Your two, three days at the start of the week very stressful.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_00: The latter part of the week, I hear stillness, groundedness, yeah, getting on with your work, you said, kind of back to your usual routine.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: So I feel like you've really embodied that so much.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_00: And again, a testament to yourself that that's because of the work that you've done.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_00: And you said in the past that would have taken a lot longer time.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: This this week you've been able to condense it.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: And again, what a massive uh reflection of the growth and the work that you've done.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and and you know, that comes so much of it comes from knowing knowing my energy, knowing my human design, because there's always this kind of sense like when we get a little bit destabilized by a challenge in life, that that that kind of situation, that experience, we can be starting to have that starts to define us, like the fact that we're destabilized, the fact that I'm stressed, but is like, oh my god, this is me, I'm this again.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_01: And that's again what I was saying.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_01: It's like I started to remember myself as in the old patterns, and so I'm in the stress and I'm thinking, oh god, I know where this goes.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_01: I fall apart when this happens, and then I go, No, I don't, because I now know this about myself, and this is just an experience that I'm having that's creating an opportunity for me to remember again that there is something else that defines me, not this situation, not this exact experience, not what I'm in now, this lower expression, but actually there is something of a higher expression that is who I am and that I'm going to care anchor myself to and I'm going to return to, and I know that that's where I'm going back to.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_01: And then that makes being in a difficult experience a lot easier because you don't feel defined by it, and you also know that it's transient and it's shifting and it will evolve and it will move.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_01: And if you in it and you're being aware, then you'll see those opportunities to move it forward more easily.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_00: I think a lot of people are going to really need to hear that because how many people go through struggles?
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_00: We all go through struggles, we go through stresses, we go through difficult times, and in that moment, I think more than anything, we just need a reminder that we can come out of it.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_00: The opposite can be true, or the light can come.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and I think that even just having that in and knowing that belief that this is the difficult time I'm gonna come out of it.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: I think so many people need to hear that.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_00: Is there anything I guess that you that you could say to help remind people in difficult times?
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_01: I think the the thing to one of the things I often say to my clients is celebrate remembering.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_01: Like because we sometimes beat ourselves, we get ourselves into a situation and then we're kind of we get back into an old pattern, say we've kind of fallen into the stress, would say, I'd say, of this example.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_01: I've got stressed, and then I beat myself up for falling back into stress, and I give myself a really hard, it's like I'm aware I'm in stress again, and now I'm giving myself a hard time for being in stress, and so of course I'm making myself even more stressed because I'm judging myself for being stressed.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_01: Whereas actually, when I see myself in stress and I remember, oh, I'm stressed again, this is part of my pattern.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_01: The thing that really flips it is that kind of like moment of great, I've spotted it, I've seen it, I'm aware of it, it's great.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_01: Now I know I can do something about it.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_01: Because literally we keep ourselves in it by being unkind to ourselves because we're in it.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_01: Whereas when we can start to be kind to ourselves for just the fact that we're human, that's what humans do.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, this is part of the human experience.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_01: We're going to fall back into old patterns because they are the places where we get to learn.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, I'm there, right?
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_01: I'm there.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, now what do I need?
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_01: What do I know I can do to help myself here?
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_01: That's the difference for me, I think.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_01: Is that spotting it, not giving yourself a hard time, coming at it with some kindness, saying, Okay, I've spotted it.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_01: Now let's think what do I need?
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_01: What can I do?
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_01: And that like slowing down is the thing that you know that really helps.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, oh, step, take a breath, step, kind of like, you know, all that ground, soften, breathe, that practice that I have that just gives you that moment where you can maybe make a different choice because there are always choices.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_01: Does that answer your question?
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_01: It does.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_01: And I wonder what you say would say in response if you, you know, like you when you have clients that face similar things, which I'm sure you do, um, what's what's how do you work with them?
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I was actually thinking as you were speaking, we we work it so similarly, but in so such different ways.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's something that we've always kind of that that's one of the reasons that I think that we get on.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_00: So I absolutely agree with you.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um, two things that came to mind as you were speaking.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_00: I think one of the things that blocked a lot of people is slowing down and presence because you need to be able to be to be present with yourself to acknowledge everything that you just said.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_00: I'm in stress, let me observe myself.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't think a lot of people naturally, or in the practice, or the clients that I work with tend to, you know, we all live on autopilot, we live in a very fast-paced world, and we really do need that slowness to be to be able to observe ourselves, to be present with ourselves, to notice this is what I'm going through, and also then to give ourselves kindness because when we're just on the go and our brain is all over the place, we aren't able to do that.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_00: The second thing that came to our mind was something that comes up a lot with with within the client work that I do is we tend to look backwards on a cr in a critical view.
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_00: And so I always say, like, if we're doing a performance review, as much as it's important to to identify this didn't work, this didn't go wrong, this is what I need to improve on, it's also so important to recognise these are the things that I did really well.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_00: Let's continue to do them.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_00: And I think naturally we do tend to have a negative bias, and we think, what do I need to improve on?
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_00: What do I need to do better at?
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_00: But in the same way, we also need to go, I was really good at this, or like I've grown so much in this skill, let me continue it.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that balance as well is the kindness, the compassion to ourselves that oh my god.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: I'm really great at this.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_00: It also makes the I'm not so great at this, but I can work on it, or maybe that's a focus.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_00: It also makes that just a little bit easier.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_00: So I completely agree with what you you said, and maybe just different experiences and practices, but it is just being kind to ourselves, slowing down, taking a pause, taking a breath.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_00: You did a beautiful like sigh exhale as you were speaking there, which was so nice to observe.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah, just remembering that as we usually come around to, we're human.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_00: There's so much.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's gonna be messy.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_00: The growth.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_00: But it's gonna be messy.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_01: But it's gonna be messy.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_01: Accepting that life can be messy and not trying to make it perfect.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_01: That's like you know, that acceptance of messiness makes it's like that kind of takes you off the letting yourself off the hook almost, isn't it?
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_01: Like it's okay, so it's messy again, but that's part of it.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_01: It's going to be.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_01: I'm growing, it's going to be messy at times.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_01: I'm I'm changing, I'm evolving, I'm I'm trying to do things differently.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_01: It's going to be messy.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_01: But I I really appreciate what you just said there, actually, because it is so true that, like, yeah, it's not that easy slowing down, being aware, being present with yourself.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_01: It really isn't.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_01: And so, you know, the real crux of this is that you have to practice those skills when you're not stressed, when you're not in the space where it's difficult.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_01: You have to give that to yourself, the mindfulness, the the you know, whatever it is that creates that kind of level of awareness, whether it's a whether it's a practice, whether it's a hobby, whether it's you know, being with your friends, your family, people you love, but allowing yourself to be really present with those people and experiencing that, you have to be able to give it to yourself when you're not in the challenge.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_01: Because that's the only way you learn how to do it.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, and I absolutely I say that all the time.
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_00: We want the answer, we want the resolution, we want the fix when we're in the moment.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_00: But if we haven't learned that, programmed it, practiced it, experienced it, we have no capacity to reach for that thing.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_00: So if it's slowness, kindness, compassion, and we aren't used to sitting with ourselves on a really good day or five minutes every day, there's kind of really no way we're gonna access it when we're really stressed state, which is a very familiar state, and we're like, oh my god, I can't think straight, because we're not physiologically meant to either.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_00: So absolutely, we have to to practice, like I kind of like prevent to react to be able to access it when we need it most.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and that that practice is so important, and finding it, finding the way that you can practice that, you know.
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_01: For me, I think I've spoken about this before.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I have this practice of coming to my mat for 10 minutes every day.
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_01: And that is part of that practice for me.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_01: That's where that started from is that I I need to give this to myself so that I can practice like I movement for me is a really good way of centering and bringing myself present and bringing that awareness into my body.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_01: How do I feel today?
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_01: What's going on for me today?
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_01: What do I need to do to look after how I'm feeling?
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_01: And then that kind of connection to something maybe a little bit bigger and greater from that point.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_01: But the the the crux of it is that um ability to sit with myself and to be with myself and to give myself 10 minutes, and that's all I ask of myself is 10 minutes.
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm quite often on my map longer than that, but I I it's a because it's a practice, you have to encourage yourself to be there, and that's how I encourage myself to be there.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_01: It's just 10 minutes.
• 25:47
  SPEAKER_01: Let's just all be aware that we can spend hours scrolling on our phones, finding 10 minutes to give to yourself in something that is nourishing, nurturing, takes care of you.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_01: Really, I know I say it shouldn't be hard, but it is hard.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_01: I understand that.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_01: But that's what we have to, that's the that's that's the bit that we have to be able to um that's the bit that we need to be able to find for ourselves, isn't it?
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_01: How do I give to myself regularly so that when I really need it in a challenge, I have access to it.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely, yeah.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_00: And like you say, it can be difficult, and sometimes I think we need to go, we think we need to go an hour of or being by ourselves or a weekend or a day, and and 10 minutes, it can be 10 minutes, and we're gonna commit to 10 minutes.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_00: Well, like you say, you might actually be on your UMAT for an hour.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_00: I think sometimes you probably are as well, but the commitment is 10 minutes, and sometimes it might only be that.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_00: And also it can be a minute.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we tend to think a minute is wasteful, but if we aren't spending a single minute of our day with ourselves, that's gonna be so powerful.
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_00: Something for me that I've tried to incorporate in the evenings is comfies and candles when I'm switching off and I'm transitioning from work.
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_00: I put my comfies on, I put a candle on, and even that second is the reminder want to switch off.
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_00: But that's a real that's in relation to myself, that's connection to myself.
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_00: It can be really little moments, but they need to be practiced regularly.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and I love that.
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_01: That's nice.
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna I'm gonna save that one.
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_01: Comfies and candles.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_00: Please, it's been great, and because it's got the title of Comfies and Candle, it's a great reminder.
• 27:27
  SPEAKER_01: I'm loving it.
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_01: Comfies and candle.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_01: But the candle lighting a candle is such a small little thing that you can do for yourself.
• 27:34
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, and like you say, it's a real ritual of remembering, okay, now's my time.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_01: Now's this for this is for me.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_01: Just light the candle, say, look at the candle, look at the flame.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, you know, that can be really mesmerizing.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_01: Just give yourself a minute to do that.
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_01: But and you are so right, you know, you can set timers on your phone to say, right, I'm gonna spend like just step away from whatever you're doing for one minute, two minutes in a day.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_01: Nobody's here to prescribe, like I personally never prescribe this one thing is the thing that will change everybody's life.
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_01: We're all different, that's the point of the work that I do.
• 28:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so don't feel like you have to, it has to be something that looks like what everybody else does, but do get honest with yourself and real with yourself is like where are you allowing presence for yourself where you slow down and you come to yourself and you connect with yourself.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_01: That's all it needs to be, and people can do it in hobbies as well painting, writing, drawing, walking.
• 28:32
  SPEAKER_01: It's there's this being in nature is a huge one, isn't it, for people?
• 28:36
  SPEAKER_01: But there are but you maybe that's nature's not your thing.
• 28:39
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe you know, being in the city and like going out and looking around is your thing, that can be presence too.
• 28:44
  SPEAKER_01: You don't have to be in that in the hills, yeah.
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_01: But it is just about you getting really honest with what works for you and then making sure that you are giving it to yourself so that when you need it in those moments of challenges that we were talking about at the beginning, like the week that I've just had, is like, how do you access that for yourself and bring yourself back to who you know you are at your core?
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 29:09
  SPEAKER_01: What I've experienced and I've learned from my week is is that even though I saw myself in those old patterns, I was very quickly able to remember that that is not me now.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_01: I'm I'm something completely I've evolved from that, and I don't have to fall into those old ways of being.
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_01: And even if I am a little bit, I can have some compassion for that part of myself because I do remember and know that there is another part of who I am.
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and the presence and the attention you've given yourself to reflect on how you've been this week as well, it's so important.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_00: That's your growth marker.
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_00: Wow, I'm acting so differently.
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I'm able to pull myself back 10 times quicker than I was.
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I'm not that person that I was, I am someone different.
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_00: You've had to be present, you've had to be in relation to yourself.
• 30:02
  SPEAKER_00: So thank you so much for sharing because I think a lot of people are going to relate and probably need to hear this as well.
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_00: It can these simple changes come make where you've got to.
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_01: So if you're going through something that's challenging, please remember to just take a moment to celebrate the small things that you're doing differently and the fact that you can see that this is an opportunity for you to do things differently.
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_01: That's what I'd like to leave people with.
• 30:29
  SPEAKER_01: How about you, Danielle?
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_00: How can I top that?
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_00: Remind yourself to give you minutes to connect back to yourself, to be kind, to give yourself joy, to give yourself compassion.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_00: That's where I will end it.
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, go and explore what it is that you can do for your to to bring that into your lives.
• 30:51
  SPEAKER_01: That's what we will leave people with, I think.
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_00: Perfect.
• 30:55
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for sharing.
• 30:57
  SPEAKER_01: All right, my love.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_01: You take care.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_01: It's good to see you again.
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_01: See you soon.