Latest / UNLOADED / The Energy We Carry

Transcript

The Energy We Carry · UNLOADED

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: I would like to welcome everyone back to our podcast unloaded.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_01: This is Michael Seahorn.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_03: Shannon Morrow.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_03: How's it been, Shannon?
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_03: Good, man.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_03: I've been doing a lot of uh thinking a little bit.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_03: I say a lot and then a little about our previous few podcasts and kind of the theme and as things develop.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_03: And we'll we'll get into it more.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_03: But uh yeah, I'm kind of excited to share about some of the deeper, you know, just like analysis, even thoughts around um what this is all about, you know, unloaded, you know, the weight we carry, and and um been considering that more in light of the direction things are going here.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_03: So I'm excited to share a little of that today.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_01: Good.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_01: That sounds good, man.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_01: It's been uh it's been an interesting couple weeks.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_01: Not too crazy, but just as usual, man, there's always stuff going on, right?
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_01: Always, man.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_01: Of course.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_01: That's what you want.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_01: Comes in waves, and other days it comes in ripples.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_01: I guess it just depends on you know where you're at.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_01: So what what's on your mind about the last couple episodes?
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_01: I'm I'm intrigued.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you might remember, or I guess we could even go back and listen.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_03: Um, you know, we we're both really commiserating with each other.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_03: We share the very distinct um characteristic that, man, you we are hard workers.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_03: We we really care.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_03: And you know, that's often kind of that theme.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_03: Like, man, we just we work so hard, we care so much, we really want to be helpful to others, you know, and and how sometimes that can be too much, it can get us in trouble, you know, and uh just like, huh.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_03: What is that?
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_03: You know, the that tendency to want to work so hard or because or make us care so much for other people or care so much about others trying to take care of all our people, and um, you know, it's uh it's an interesting characteristic, and there's there's some stuff under there that may be worth exploring.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_01: I agree.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, you know, I'm back obviously like I usually do and listen to our our episodes, and a lot of times it's for me it's it's kind of it's kind of it has some duality in there, right?
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_01: Because on one hand, I I'm listening to the audio, I'm listening to the the background noise, I'm I'm trying to make sure it's crisp and clear for the listeners, right?
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_01: But then on the other hand, sometimes I find myself too focused on the technical side.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_01: So I'll have to I'll have to rewind and restart and then put the IT side away and then just listen to you know our conversation.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that this week in particular, I definitely was a little bit more attuned, if you will, to other people's energy being put into my space, if that makes any sense to you.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_03: A little bit.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, what what do you mean?
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_01: So, for example, a lot of times when people when people have a tendency to be comfortable around other human beings, we've talked about this in our past, is you have to be cautious because sometimes people just start doing the the dump, right?
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_01: And what I was really paying attention to this week is talking less, listening more.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_01: And it didn't matter if it was a staff employee or a family member or a friend.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_01: But interestingly enough, when when you really start actively listening to people, I feel like you you are in a better position just to listen.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes more often than not, I didn't have to say much.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_01: I think it was just more of they just needed an ear.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I'm saying?
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_01: But you have to be cautious because some of that energy, if it's if it's emotionally charged energy, regardless of what was causing that emotional charge in that other person, is you have to be cautious because that energy, in my opinion, can be transferable.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_01: And what I mean by that is if I'm closer to that individual, let's say I have a maybe I have a little bit more personal relationship with that individual.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_01: It's not just a hey, I'm a I'm a boss and you're an employee, or you know, I'm just somebody and you're somebody we just met.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_01: But when you have a personal relationship with that individual, it's happened with you and I sometimes in session that transference of energy because I'm charged, and you can see and feel that, oh man, he's he's getting worked up about that, right?
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_01: So it was interesting this week is when I was having discussions with different people, I was really trying to focus on that to not engage in the same crazy energy that was coming with whatever they were going through.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_03: You bring up a great concept, a fascinating um what yeah, um, just how I mean, okay, everything being energy in one form or another, and of course it is transferred, and how how much it is transferred or um the intensity in which it is transferred, um depends, of course, very case by case.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_03: And and you'd bring up a good point.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_03: If we're closer in, sometimes it's more readily felt, it can be deeper, more intense.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_03: Um but there is a some um matter of choice in in that we on one hand, you know, on one side of the continuum, we could allow ourselves to just almost even absorb it and just become fully immersed, just drop all the way in and almost be reliving the other person's experience, be catching all those emotions, get pulled into that same emotional state.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_03: It can be this very um close, intense transference, you know, which uh, I don't know, often might not be the healthiest.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_03: It depends, you know, and you know, you c continue to move the other direction to down the continuum.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_03: And, you know, in a kind of the middle ground, it is possible to very actively listen, be gaining a lot of understanding, have plenty of empathy, um, while at the same time remaining grounded in oneself.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_03: Like, okay, like oof, not get totally absorbed or sucked into it, or but just try to find that balance between providing that really quality attention for the other while also staying rooted in our experience and um kind of keeping a little bit of that buffer in between so we aren't too affected by it, so then we don't take it home with us or whatever.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_03: Um, but that's it's an interesting balance, and and it's so different with each person in each situation, but it is nice to be aware of.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and I think that kind of goes back to what you and I were talking about last episode was about carrying maybe other people's weight when we shouldn't be carrying other people's weight.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_01: Because we did talk about that.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and when you say shouldn't, you know, I don't think it's like as intentional, but I mean it of course it happens, you know, especially with those who were closer to anybody, you know, a close friend, a family member, a partner, a kid, whoever, you know, if they are going something suddenly pretty distressing happens to them and they're you know really in it, if they're really upset and sharing that with us in a you know pretty close, intense manner, then how this person who we're really close with and who we really care about, how how can we not be drawn into that and carry some of that?
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_03: That's just a very natural thing, almost unavoidable, to like, oof, you know, how have that affect us?
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's it's not easy.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, we we talked about it in length, you know, over the last two episodes with some of the things that I was going through.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, when when you have that personal relationship, it really does make it tough.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_01: It makes it tough to sometimes see the clarity in it, you know, and I I search for that sometimes.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, even in the case where we talked over the last two episodes where you know I went to I I was resolved in my decision the night before, but then woke up the next morning and after doing some reading and meditation, I changed that, right?
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_01: Changed my mind.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_01: And I I think there's a lot of power in there because I think when you really look at it and and you're putting very intentional focus on it.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_01: I think when you're doing that in this energy world or when you're trying to come to a resolution one way or the other, when you're so narrowly focused on what it is you're feeling, thinking, and you're able for a short amount of time to be in a place without the emotional charge, I think that's personally where I start getting a little bit more clarity.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_01: Um that's not easy, by the way.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm gonna throw that out there.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it it takes a lot.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_01: Um, for me, like I was saying in the in the last episode, you know, through my morning reading, through my morning journaling, and then through my morning meditation, I came to a different decision.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_01: Now, if I wouldn't have done those three things the following day, I probably would have still been in the same decision I made the night before.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_01: But in that clarity and in that power of just really focusing in on the situation, I came to a different dis came to a different resolution.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_03: And that's your end goal often is resolution.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_03: You really want to figure it out, solve it, fix it, like have completion.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_03: Like, oh, okay, there's this issue.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_03: How are we going to best resolve it?
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_03: And you really um put a lot of um determination and focus toward trying to figure out the best way to resolve a lot of these things.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and you know, that comes through, you know, a lot comes through a lot of trials, man.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you know, it comes through a lot of trials, uh, it comes through a lot of trauma, and it comes through a lot of just dedicated work in the space of self-help, which we've talked endlessly about in in the unloaded podcast world.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_01: But for me personally, I feel that in some way it makes me just a little bit better of a human being because I'm able to, like we've talked about, I don't want to carry that into the day.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_01: I don't want to carry that raw, emotionally charged state where it could ultimately then flow into my staff or flow into my family or flow into some guy on the road because he's late and he cut me off in traffic, right?
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_01: So I find that when I can come to those resolutions in those most difficult decisions, man, it is like unloading your backpack, man.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_01: It is like somebody literally just steps up behind you, takes a heaping load of weight off your back, and it just goes away.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_01: And you just feel lighter.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_01: That way, when I'm now moving on through the morning, you know, I'm not so weighted down.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, because until that resolution, it it can feel very heavy for for you to, you know, the quote unquote problem or whatever it is that you're trying to solve, resolve, um, is still on your back.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_03: And uh you have the ability, it's it's a developed ability, it's this is a quite the skill, actually.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_03: It's kind of hard to do often, but to see in yourself when you are emotional, when you are it is affecting you emotionally, and oof, I'm feeling oof, and be able to identify those feelings, recognize the emotion.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_03: And then what you do, uh the the the skill is to still um okay, there it is, acknowledge it, and then allow for it while also kind of backing out of it a bit, like because through observation, through identification, it it does create a little space, and then that space is what helps you then deal still deal with it in more a more rational, logical manner rather than letting quote unquote the emotions get the best of us.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's it's taken a long time, obviously, and uh you know I want to remind the people who are listening, you know, there was a time when I felt nothing but anger.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_01: Well, nothing but anger, but yeah, okay.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_01: The large majority of what I felt was anger.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_01: You were a pretty angry dude.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_01: I was a pretty angry guy.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_01: So as I've been in the self-help world now for over a decade, sometimes these emotions that I feel are still pretty new to me.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_01: You know, and I I I went into great length uh, you know, talking with psychologists and psychiatrists, and then ultimately ended up with uh Shannon uh about not feeling emotion, not feeling things like I thought I was supposed to feel.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_01: And some of that was derived obviously from my youth, but some of it was also derived from some of the things I'd experienced in the military, which I'm not gonna go into.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_01: So for me now, when I do feel these raw emotions, they're raw, man, just like anybody.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_01: But what I don't want is I just don't want that feeling to be something that just overrides my ability to go through the day.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_01: Because that's all I'm thinking about, right?
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_01: So in that space that Shannon was talking about, where I find uh you know, I pull out a little bit, pull my focus back a little bit, and be like, man, I'm I'm fucking pretty charged up right now.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes I get in my truck and I just hey, I gotta go get an iced tea, or I'm gonna go out to my shop, or uh, I'm gonna go jump on the exercise bike, or whatever the case may be.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_01: It could be a million different things, right?
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_01: But by doing that, those things help create the space in order for that emotional charge to get to uh let's say a level that I feel comfortable with than sitting down and going, okay, why am I charged, man?
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_01: So that that's kind of how I go through the process.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_01: Um as Shannon said, it's been a hell of a practice that I've been building up over uh many, many, many years.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_01: And there's no perfect system out there.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, our listeners have heard me many times in our podcast where you know I've I've been pretty charged up about some things, which have carried on, you know, for multiple days.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes, sometimes the other person or people continually bring that back up.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_01: So even though you or me or whoever, we we may have re had some resolution, the next thing you know, you're right back in it because this individual, these people are just bringing back up again, and now you're just like, okay, man, like I don't want to live groundhog day over on this, right?
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_01: I I came to a resolution, I felt good, and here we are, back at it again.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_03: So then back to that conversation about you know which which way is that energy moving, you know, often we can get pulled back into other people's energy, uh, you know, which if they're still really charged, if they haven't really been able to process it or create a little space, and they're, you know, um, and it just takes a little bit of that to pull us right back, and then suddenly we're heated and we're experiencing we're right back where we were, and then um oof, you know.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_03: And but we learn, and that's part of the practice, and maybe next time or the next time, or sometime in the future, you know, after doing our own work, working through our stuff, and then returning to that situation and the other person's energy still simmering, but huh.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_03: Wait, I'm actually able to stay fairly grounded in where I'm at currently, kind of what I've worked through, how I'm feeling, and I I can actually choose and stay solid and not going back there, getting worked up again.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_03: I'm I want to stay here more close toward resolution, and believe it or not, then the energy can start moving the other direction.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_03: We can influence others' energy toward, you know, they they see that we are mostly resolved, staying calm, not getting triggered, not getting heightened.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_03: And it's, you know, we those mirror neurons, man.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_03: We if if we can stay centered in ourselves, sometimes we can influence others in um a little bit more of that positive direction of like, hey, this let's let's rationally uh move through this and have some completion.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I mean you you said something pretty profound there, it and I think there's a lot of power in being able to stay in that calm state when somebody else has got some emotional charge.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_01: And that is very difficult to do, okay?
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm not going to make light of that, but I think you are correct.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_01: If you can find a place where you're you're comfortable with whatever it is you're going through, whatever you're dealing with with this individual, and you can, even if it's just a a hair less than, it doesn't have to be something great, but even if you're just a hair less emotionally in charge than the individual, a lot of times what you'll find is that situation starts to simmer down on its own because you're not feeling the old fire.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not trying to throw gas on the fire, I'm trying to maybe put a little bit of water in there.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_01: Moving the other direction.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_03: What direction is it moving?
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_03: Is it moving up or down?
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_03: Is it being heightened or lowered?
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_03: You know, and as long as it's generally in the direction we want things to go, and if we're conscious of that and putting forth some some effort into that, um that's exactly right.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_01: It'll it helps.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_01: And I, you know, I've I practice it a lot.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not perfect at it by any stretch of the imagination, but what I have found is if I can just bite my tongue, keep breathing, keep listening, sometimes that is literally enough to diffuse the other person because they they're getting they're not getting in a reaction from me.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_01: That's it.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_01: They're not pushing the button, they're not I'm not sitting here arguing with them.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just silent, I'm listening, I'm looking at them, and I'm breathing.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_01: That's it.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_01: More times than not, that individual has to calm down because they're not getting that engagement.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and people, it's funny, it's not funny, but if you ever watch this in real time, it's quite an amazing thing to watch because it's literally like you banging your head into the wall, you're not getting a response, man.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so they stop.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_01: And generally they good?
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_01: I I'm I'm good.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_01: I'm good, man.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_01: Are you okay?
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_01: And generally for that point, you can steer that conversation or discussion or whatever you want to call it in a different direction.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_01: And generally, what you'll find out is you you'll you'll get a lot farther.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I've been in some pretty heated confrontations, yeah.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_01: And it's been very difficult to stay in a calm state.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_01: And Shannon, you and I've talked about plenty of these in real time sometimes, and each time, you know, some depends on the person you're you're dealing with.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_01: Like I've I've dealt with individuals where uh they're literally on the roller coaster, man.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_01: They're calm and they whoa man, they're skyrocketing up and then they come back down, and they go back up and they come back down.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_01: And you're sitting there going, good Lord.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_01: You need to you bro, you need to breathe, man.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_03: Ah, and then there's other times when uh we are the roller coaster.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_03: We can relate, we know how that feels when we just it's that really hard day and we're super thin and something hits it, and we're raw, and we just rah.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_03: And it yeah.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_03: we we have all gotten fairly reactive and but uh oh you know that's kind of if we are just a little a little bit aware and can oof uh see it acknowledge it's kind of steer it bring it back down a little even you know just naming it apologizing you know just that's that's emotional intelligence that's being able to like oh man ooh sorry I just got fucking crazy there I that triggered the hell out of me I didn't mean to bark back at you like I did no that's that that's on me let's let let's try it again here so uh what were you saying now you know sometimes you'll you might find that that other individual doesn't want to talk to you and that's okay too they'll just say hey you were you know maybe they walk away or maybe they just tell you hey we're done well okay well now you're definitely gonna have to go figure out where you stand and or you could chase after them no we're not done no we're not you definitely can do that we uh not uh some people have experienced the being on the receiving end of that you can I've I've I've had those moments where I have personally just shut it down and walked away and the individual kept following behind and at that point it's it's very important to understand that that's getting to a point where it's it could be very volatile very quickly.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_01: So you you do have to you do have to be smart in on in your process on how you deal with those individuals.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_01: So but Shannon is correct there are times where people run after you and be like no we're not done talking and you know at that point you do whatever you need to do as a human being I generally still try to stay as calm as I can and then hopefully that situation diffuses enough to where they will just wander off back to where they came from so uh but it's definitely not easy man uh you know 10 years ago 15 years ago it'd be a completely different conversation yeah right but in today's world where I am uh I do try to to the best of my ability I really do try to just be a good communicator be a great listener try not to let the emotion overrun you to where you say something you may regret or where you might have to apologize because I've you know I've done that too where I've had to come back the next day or even next week and say hey man I apologize to everybody I didn't handle that properly I was feeling a little emotionally charged said some things I didn't want to shouldn't say especially at my level or my leadership role and you know those aren't fun times but I think I think you get a lot of credit for being able to own where you know that you overstepped.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_03: That's it that's yeah a lot of people really struggle with that it can be really hard to do to like oops my bad sorry about that right you know could it because the that very state that very emotionally charged state can um kind of shut down the our ability to just remain a little more rational you know and it it perpetuates that yeah that hot emotion it's tough you know and it I said I I'm not gonna sit here and act like I I got it all figured out I don't I work really hard at where I'm at I I work really hard at trying to be just a little bit better tomorrow than I was today and I think through those lessons and through the trials and the tribulations and all the great things that we get to go through in life I I maybe I I get to a point where it's like I'm not trying to prove nothing no more.
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_01: I really not I I don't feel the need that I have to prove myself to people anymore.
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_01: I I perform my role whatever that role is to the very best of my ability but I just find it more comfortable to be me.
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_01: That's what I really try to focus on.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_01: I just try to focus on me being me I get when you're a uh at a job or you're a husband or a father or a friend or whatever the role is that you're you're doing you're still you and what I have found is man it is so much easier when you get this version of Mike and it doesn't matter what the role is it's the same Mike over and over and over and over again.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_01: So that's what I mean by I'm just not trying to prove anything to anybody anymore man.
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_03: I'm just me that makes any sense at all out there yeah and while it is you are very different with your employees than you are with your spouse or your boss or your kids right it's all the same Mike trying to be as authentic as possible um but yeah it's given whichever role you know it's it's still going to be a different mic who's also the same Mike.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_01: And I agree with you um obviously I wouldn't talk to my employees like I do my wife but I think what I mean by you get the same me is if you were to see me out at dinner or you were to come to a barbecue or we were just hanging out let's say we bumped into each other at the store or something there's not going to be a drastic change.
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_01: You're not gonna see that change.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_01: Now are my responses different in the world that I'm doing well absolutely you know I'm I'm in charge of a a a corporation right and a lot of people so but even then I still try to stay grounded in myself like I said I I'm not trying to you know be a different version of myself because I think that's very difficult.
• 28:32
  SPEAKER_03: Not trying to prove anything not trying to put out false pretenses or hey look how great I am or hey I am I acceptable enough or am I good enough or am I you know just a lot of the things a lot of us struggle with in our younger years that we most of us eventually outgrow.
• 28:53
  SPEAKER_03: But yeah I I I do understand what you're describing um the over time you know with just age and maturity and the development and you know advancing through different stages of life we do um are able generally to settle in discover um become more comfortable with who we are and um move from that base more um rather than you know the kind of younger years of really more being fueled by um need for acceptance or approval or trying to earn it or be good enough.
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah no it's it's it's part of being human man right yeah I mean it dualities as you say once again you know we often hear man I I just don't care what anybody thinks anymore it's so freeing to I I don't care what anybody thinks I and I uh I I get it I understand that statement while also like uh how true is that because I don't know that anybody I don't know maybe there's some far out crazy hermits out there that really don't care but um they're I mean we are very social beings we rely on connection with each other and if our behaviors or whatever um really can um like jeopardize our connection with other human beings I mean we do care we we actually do care maybe not what other people think I mean it's all language is insufficient for a lot of these bigger concepts but um both we we want to stay true to ourselves and at the same time it is important to us our relationship with others and if we're an asshole or if we are just really difficult to tolerate um we we kind of do care we uh it on certain levels yeah well we're gonna look into this uh next episode we're there I'm gonna leave I'm gonna leave it on a little bit of a hanger this week good uh I think it's a good place for us to hit the pause button because we're running out we've ran out of time anyway but uh like always if you find yourself out there uh and you need someone to talk to um the 988's out there for you you can call or text that free um please reach out to them or somebody uh local area do a quick Google search find your some uh providers that are in your local area go book an hour and see what happens it's never it's never not worth it uh to just sit down for an hour and have a conversation with somebody even if you are paying for it so there's that piece but like always I hope our listeners have a good week um as for me this is Mike Sehorn Shannon Mora and we will catch you in our next episode