Latest / Voice Notes to the Universe / Voice Note #111— I didn't expect it to go that deep...
Transcript
- speaker-0: And yesterday was a little bit of a rough day. You know, I it started well. Like the day started really well. And it turned into this place of feeling frustrated, feeling angry and grieving even of why aren't I where I sh feel like I should be? You know, I was bullying myself, you know, and angry with myself and just feeling so incredibly frustrated with myself and with life and feeling like ⁓ my god, I feel like I'm on this hamster wheel and I'm just spinning and spinning and spinning and nothing is ever getting better and why aren't things working out and you know I feel like I'm drowning in my finances and God I'm not good enough and w you know, with just all these things that I know I is an old thought system. It's an old belief system, it really doesn't resonate with me anymore. But yeah, here I was. I was spinning my wheels and in this space of really bullying myself. You know, and then I felt bad. And then I was upset with myself because I was so hard on myself. You know, it was just this it was just this loop that I was in. And I had to take time. And I had to sit. I had to sit in the void with myself and and with spirit and have a conversation and of like just really needing to ground myself and coming back to myself and going, Okay, like what what's going on and what is the real reason for this, you know? And spirit reminded me 'cause I was so upset with myself of of getting into this loop of this really negative thinking. And Spirit reminded me, No, no, no, no. You're good. You're good. You've done so much work. So much work. And and showed me as this this beautiful tree, right? With this very strong and sturdy, stable trunk and my roots just going so deep into the ground and and rooted and And like receiving all the nourishment from Mother Gaia and you know, just this this energy going up that my trunk and my my branches and my limbs are just outreached and high towards the divine and all my leaves on my tree are just green and beautiful and lush and just and full and and I'm I'm a high I have all this fruit on my branches. That's just baby fruit, right? It's not even ripe yet. It's just this just the budding of the fruit, right? And Spirit was reminding me, no, you've done so much work and you are so you are you are so grounded in what you are doing. But you are this big beautiful tree that is rooted and the sun is is is right above you, shining so brightly upon you. And when you have that sh that sun shining brightly upon you and you're this big beautiful tree. Well, what happens? You get some shade. You know, you have some shade. You create shade. You know, and and and it's okay to sit in the shade and and rest. And what I received what the message, what I understood from that was is, you know, the sun's gonna it's gonna shine and it's gonna cast this this this big beautiful tree, but it's gonna cast a speaker-1: you speaker-0: gonna cast a shadow and sometimes you know it forces us to sit in the shadow ⁓ the shadow of ourselves and I had to I had to sit with myself and and just go okay this is just an old timeline this no longer resonates but being okay with when these feelings come up to just acknowledge it to honor them but also know that you know that's not me And I have noticed that these feelings come up less and less, you know, and there's more time in between where I feel really good. And when the feelings do come up, I'm able to just recognize it for what it is and feel the feeling and and and and move on from it. And like, okay, we're just we just we're having a moment, you know? I mean, because I did. I was so Down yesterday. I I just was feeling like, ⁓ my god, why am I even here? Like, what is my existence for? You know, I really went down. I really went down the rabbit hole. But I knew though, I felt so strongly within me that I didn't, I don't really feel that way. It was just frustration, you know, just sheer frustration. And I I guess what all of this is meant to remind me is that I'm human. I am human and I'm not meant to be perfect, and I'm not gonna be perfect. And I maybe I just I put too much fucking pressure on myself, myself to be perfect, even though I don't resonate with perfect. I don't believe in perfection within our humanity, but I I hold myself up to the standard that's impossible and that's ridiculous, but it also Gave me this moment of reflection of ⁓ God, if I put myself up to such a standard, and if we are all mirrors for each other, what is it? What do I reflect upon others? And and what is it that I see? Do I demand perfection from others? Now there's something I don't think I quite saw till right now. As I'm like, I'm working this out in real time. You know, perhaps. My unreal unrealistic expectations on of myself, perhaps I put that on others. And even though my words speak one thing where I am kind and I am compassionate, and I genuinely do understand, I understand how difficult I I get the grittiness of our humanness, and I love it too. But my words are different from my energy, right? Because I can speak those words to myself, but yet energetically sometimes I feel like I put so much pressure on myself to perform, to be perfect in a sense in some ways, you know? And so perhaps energetically I am doing that for you know, towards other people. You know, I'm I'm putting this expectation on them because speaker-1: you speaker-0: Really what it is is I just like I see my highest and fullest potential and I want to achieve that. I see other people's their fullest potential and the beauty that they hold within them. And so perhaps I put too much pressure, though it be unspoken. Energy is incredibly strong. speaker-1: Wow. speaker-0: That was just a humbling moment for myself. That was a humbling moment. I don't think that I quite realized that I was doing that. You know, I I was doing that. I know that I do that to myself, right? But asn isn't everything so within, so without or so within, so without, so within. I don't know, right? So below, so above. I always get that confused. speaker-1: Thanks speaker-0: But if I'm doing that to myself, it's just all a reflection. So I'm quite sure I'm doing it to others. And so I am grateful. I am grateful in this moment to have that realization. And perhaps now it's not just about realizing okay that I'm doing that to myself. For looking around to the people that I am you know that are closest to me and even people that aren't, just anyone in general around me. And am I am I energetically doing that the same th same thing to them, towards them? Putting this like energy of speaker-1: love. speaker-0: expectation to who I think that they should be or that they're the potential of what they could be. I don't think I expected that to go. quite that deep, but I'm grateful that it did. At least now I know. speaker-1: you