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Is Helping Others Burning You Out? · Hardiness with Dr Paul Taylor

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Hey everyone, it's Cali here and welcome to this week's
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Mojo Monday. So some of us are naturally giving people.
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: Where the rock that keeps others steady, the one people
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: call when things aren't going well. We're there to pull
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: them out of the weeds and to lift their mood,
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: to drive them to appointments, to help with the kids,
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: to listen, to support, to offer advice. So we are
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: the helpers, and often this comes naturally. It can actually
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: make for a very deeply meaningful and rewarding life. It
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: is good to help others. It's good that our focus
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: isn't always on our selves. In fact, constant self focus
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: attention can lead to anxiety and rumination and a life
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: of complaint. But there is another side to this. Those
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: who are natural helpers often disregard themselves to the point
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: where their own health starts to suffer. And I'm wondering
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: whether that sounds familiar to you, whether it's for you
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  Speaker 1: or somebody that you know. You're looking after everyone else,
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: but not yourself. You're the one who always says yes,
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: and if that resonates, here are a few questions worth
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  Speaker 1: asking yourself when you say yes to everything? Why are
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: you saying yes. Is it because you genuinely want to
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  Speaker 1: help with no other reason, or if you're really honest
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  Speaker 1: with yourself, is there something else there that's true? If
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: you said no because you were busy, because you had
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: a lot on your plate, because your health is suffering,
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  Speaker 1: what do you think would actually happen? Because quite often
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: we say yes not from generosity, but from guilt, and
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  Speaker 1: that matters because it means we're not really choosing to
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  Speaker 1: put others first. We're allowing guilt to be the compass
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: that drives our decisions, and guilty isn't always a reliable guide.
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  Speaker 1: There's another way to look at it. Every time you
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  Speaker 1: say yes to someone, you're saying no to something else,
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: your health, your energy, your time, your sanity. And this
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  Speaker 1: is where it gets a bit tricky because often these
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  Speaker 1: decisions sit at these crossroads of competing values. So on one hand,
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: you do value helping others, you genuinely do want to help,
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: But on the other hand, you also value your health,
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: your well being, your commitments to yourself, and both of
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: those matter, But in the moment, we often choose the
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: easier option. We say yes to avoid the discomfort of
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: guilt or awkwardness or letting someone down. It feels better
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  Speaker 1: right now, but what is the long term impact. It
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  Speaker 1: can build to resentment, exhaust burn out, and slowly you
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: move further away from the very things that keep you well.
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  Speaker 1: And more often than not, people understand that you have
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  Speaker 1: other priorities. If you said, I would really love to help,
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: but I've committed to going to the gym and that
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  Speaker 1: is really important to me right now, most people, especially
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: those close to you, would respect that. And if they don't,
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: because not everybody will, that's okay too, because you can't
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: control their response. You can only control yours, not just
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: to them, but to the feeling of guilt that shows up.
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  Speaker 1: You see, guilt will appear because you care. It's reflection
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: of your values, your desire to support others. But just
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  Speaker 1: because it shows up doesn't mean it should decide your actions.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: Sometimes you have to choose the discomfort of putting yourself first,
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: and that discomfort might feel strong in the moment, but
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: it won't last forever. What does last is the benefit
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  Speaker 1: of looking after yourself, having the energy, the capacity, the
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: health to keep showing up for the people who matter.
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  Speaker 1: So you get to choose. You can let guilt, run
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  Speaker 1: the show and say yes to everybody and everything, or
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  Speaker 1: you can acknowledge it and carry it with you and
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  Speaker 1: still choose to say no respectfully and with empathy. Because
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  Speaker 1: the truth is, if you don't look after yourself, there
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  Speaker 1: will come a point where you can't look after anyone else,
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  Speaker 1: and that is not what you want. This isn't about
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: becoming less giving, it's not about turning your back on others.
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  Speaker 1: It's about balance. So be the generous supporting person that
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  Speaker 1: you are, and at the same time make space to
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  Speaker 1: look after your own health, your own energy, and your
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: own commitments, because that that's what allows you to keep
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: showing up, not just today, but long into the future.
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: So thanks for joining me this week and I will
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: catch you next week. See ya.