Latest / She Resets: Mindset, Fitness, Confidence / Ep 19: Who are you becoming?

Transcript

Ep 19: Who are you becoming? · She Resets: Mindset, Fitness, Confidence

• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, and aren't we getting towards the business end of our 12-week reset?
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: Week nine.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: So that is coming up to the end of three quarters of the way through, I think.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: So today I want to talk about something that kind of sits underneath almost everything we've covered so far, and that is your identity.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: Because you can set your goals, you can make your plans, you can create your new habits, you can learn about motivation and that deeper why behind the what.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: But eventually the question becomes: who do you believe that you are?
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: Have you ever said I'm just not that person?
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: Or have you ever said I'm not disciplined?
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: I'm rubbish sticking to things.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just not a gym person.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: I've always been like this.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'm terrible with food.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: I've got no confidence.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: So these things aren't describing something that you've done.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: They're describing who you believe you are.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not disciplined.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: I'm rubbish at sticking to things.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just not a gym person.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: I've always been like this.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: I'm terrible with food.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: I've got no confidence.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: And that's really powerful.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you believe I'm someone who never sticks to anything, then you're never going to stick to anything.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: Every time you stop doing something, it reinforces that you're right.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: It gives you evidence that you're right.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: So you ought to change the language.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: We've talked about positive language before.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of saying I'm not disciplined, say I'm learning to be more consistent.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: Consistent doesn't have to be perfect.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's progress, remember?
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: So tying in everything from the last few weeks.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of I'm just not a gym person, it's not for me.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: Try, oh, I'm becoming someone who enjoys getting stronger.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: Look through a different lens.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of I never stick to anything, maybe try.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: I'm learning how to keep going when things go wrong or when things aren't perfect.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: And just a few little subtle changes of language leads to a very, very different identity.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: So who is the woman that you're becoming?
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: Imagine yourself six months from now.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: Not necessarily looking completely different or living a completely different life.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: But think about how you feel.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: So imagine this woman six months from now.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: How does she carry herself?
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: How does she talk to herself?
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: What does she make time for?
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: What's important?
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: What does she prioritize?
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: What does she no longer tolerate?
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: I reckon I'm right when I say that you get into that age where you do have less tolerance.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: And you kind of give don't give two hoots, who knows it?
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: Does this woman move her body?
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: Does she eat regularly and well?
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: Does she say no when she doesn't want to do something?
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: Does she ask for help when she needs it?
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: Does she make herself a priority?
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: Does she trust herself and her thoughts, her gut, what she wants?
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: Does she keep promises to herself?
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: So what is one thing that that woman in six months does that you could start doing right now?
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: But you don't have to wait until you've achieved the goal to become the person.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: Like the chicken and the egg.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: You've got to start embodying that person first.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: You've got to start living as that person.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: I did a training once, and it was about starting out in business, and it was about being that person that you want to be, not what you are now.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: So you're starting your business, you don't know what you're doing, you're not earning much money, it all feels like a huge amount into climb.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: But actually, think about the version of you in a year, two years, three years' time that's running a really successful business.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: What is she doing?
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: What is she wearing?
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, you might not be able to buy yourself the new car, the Mercedes, or the BMW or the whatever it is that you want, but you could buy yourself a new lipstick.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: You know, what would that woman wear?
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: What vibes would she give off?
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: What little things can you do to embody her so that you just start to become her, you start to think about her, about what she would do.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: It's almost like you've got to find your alter ego, but then as you go, you'll shed that alter ego, that protection, because it just becomes you.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: So your identity isn't built through evidence.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you don't wake up one morning and magically become confident.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: You you create the evidence.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: Doesn't let it spiral, doesn't let one bad week become two weeks, four weeks, and then six months.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: Every time you speak kindly to yourself with empathy and love, instead of tearing yourself apart with nasty bullying language, you're teaching your brain that this is who I am then.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: I'm someone who talks to myself kindly.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: I'm my own best friend, my own biggest cheerleader.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: So all these things become incredibly powerful.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: And you don't need to completely reinvent yourself.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: You know, this is where we get carried away, isn't it?
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: New year, I'm gonna do this, that, and the other.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: New week, I'm gonna do this, that, and the other.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: New me, I'm gonna be this, that, and the other.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: New diet, new workout, new routine.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: And then three weeks later, you're burnt out and exhausted, and you've had enough.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you're a work in progress.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: This doesn't all have to happen by yesterday lunchtime.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: Just pick one thing, pick something that you can start to do that's gonna help you become that woman from six months from now.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: And it doesn't mean you need to become someone completely different, you just need to start behaving in small ways that are consistent with the person that you want to become.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: So if you want to become someone who looks after herself, start looking after yourself.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: If you want to become someone who feels strong, start building strength.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: If you want to become someone who trusts herself, then start keeping the commitments that you make to yourself.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: And if you want to become someone who puts yourself on the list, then start putting yourself on the list.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I know I sound like a crap record, but it's so exciting.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: You can be anyone you want to be, you can do anything you want to do.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: But it's your behaviors that are gonna help you do it.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: So finish these sentences.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: You might need to write them down, or you might just want to do it now in your head.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: I am becoming a woman who makes time for she no longer.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: She believes she takes care of herself by And finally one thing I can do today that is consistent with this identity is and then do it.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: Don't do it tomorrow.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: Don't do it on Monday, because Monday's the start of a new week.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: Do it today.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: Because your identity doesn't become your identity by thinking about who you want to be.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: It becomes your identity by repeatedly doing what you do.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: So every small action is a contribution to that person that you are becoming.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: Not that you want to become, that you are becoming.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: So don't wait until you feel like that person because you never will.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_00: I can tell you that from personal experience.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: You never will.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: You can't be someone else, you can only be yourself.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_00: So don't wait until you feel like her.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: Start becoming her.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_00: And start doing it now.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: Meren ends my lecture on identity.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: I'll speak to you next week.