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110. Emotional Expense · Your Enriched Self

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I ask this, are you frustrated with where you are in your life right
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now? And I want you to pause and think about that. And then
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I want you to ask this second question, Am I making decisions against myself?
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And if I say it another way, it is, am I making
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decisions for myself? Those are some of the questions I want us to get
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into this week. So get ready, get your pen, and get your
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paper ready, because it's time to do some work. Hello, my friends
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from all across the globe, and welcome to the Urine Ritel Podcast. I
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am your host, Mile Noir. I am a mindset coach and your mindset
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advocate, and all that means is that I've created a space on purpose for
1:07
the purpose of you becoming more of your in rid self. Now, it's
1:12
going to require me to show up each week, which I do, and
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it's also going to require you not only to show up, but to do
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the work. That's the only way this works is to do the work.
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And so on this podcast we talk about mindset fusion topics, self care,
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soul care, intentional thinking, and really managing how you respond because the way
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you respond is a reflection of who you are, and that's what people see.
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That's who you show up as in this world. And I know if
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you're listening to this podcast, you want to show up as the best version
1:53
of yourself. That's why we created the space. I curated this space for
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you. So if you are new to this podcast, I want to welcome
2:01
you, and if you are a repeat listener, I want to thank you
2:05
for coming back each and every week. We have been doing this for one
2:08
hundred and ten weeks and I could not have done it without you, your
2:13
feedback, your participation, your engagement has made this happen. So I want
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to thank you, thank you, thank you, and encourage you to keep
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going because we have a lot to talk about, including this week's topic,
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what before we get ahead of ourselves? So what I do each week is
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I make a deposit in the bank of you, and I do so by
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way of affirmations. Affirmations are a great way to start your day and to
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command your morning. And this week's affirmation is I am making steady progress.
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I am making steady progress. I am making steady progress. Now let's get
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ready for this week's episode of the Your Enriched Self podcast. Any financial guru
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out there right now will tell you that one of the most critical ways to
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control your finances, to change your financial situation, and the key to growing
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wealth is to create a budget. Now, what is a budget? You
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know me, I'm like to get into the definition. I'd like us to
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know what we're talking about, because we just we say these things, but
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I don't think we know what we mean and we don't understand. So let's
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get to the understanding of it. A budget is an estimate of an income
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and expenditure for a set period of time. I think it's important for us
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to talk about budgeting. What I'm going to talk to you about is emotional
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budgeting. First of all, have you ever heard of such a terminology emotional
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budgeting? I know we've talked about emotional intelligence. I know we talk about
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emotions. I know we talk about being emotional, and I don't know we
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talk about budgets, But have you ever considered creating an emotional budget? Now,
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before we get into what is an emotional budget? Because I know that's
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the next question that's probably swirling in your mind right now, let's talk about
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why we need a budget. And let's first stay in the financial realm.
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Let's say in that space, because I think we are familiar with financial budgets.
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Those words typically have gone together in the past. One of the number
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one reasons why people today can't save money is because it is said that we
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and I put myself involved, don't have a budget. Some of you out
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there are struggling to save money. If you look into your activity, you
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will find that there is a lack of a budget, or you are out
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of practice with your budget, whatever the case may be. The bottom line
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is you need a written plan. And that's what a budget essentially will allow
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you to do, is to write out your plan to be successful, your
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plan to change your financial situation, your plan to grow well, if your
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plan to save money. That's what a budget will do. Now without that
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written plan, here are some of the things and some of the consequences,
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and I'm sure you can speak some of these out before I can even tell
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them. Number one, if you don't have a budget, you are likely
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to overspend. How many of you have been guilty of overspending? Right?
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If you don't have a budget, you likely will run out of resources,
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financial resources, things of that nature. If you don't have a budget,
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you'll miss your mild stones. There might be something that you want to purchase,
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or some experience you want to have, and you might miss that opportunity,
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that milestone because you overspend, you ran out of resources. But most
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importantly, when you don't have a budget, you create financial stress. And
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financial stress is one of those intangible things because it's a mine work. It
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then starts to work on your body and that can lead to a lot of
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different things. Now I'm going to remind you I said it at the top
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of the podcast. I would like for you to get a pen and paper
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out because I really want to walk through this thing as though we are doing
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a financial budget. Because the emotional budget, let's just talk about that for
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a minute. Why do we need this. I want you to think about
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it just in the same space as you're thinking about a financial budget. Now,
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when you think about your finances, obviously you think of the financial expenses,
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like you have your mortgage payment, or your rent payment, your car
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payment, car insurance, and the list goes on and on, grocery bill
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and all of the things. Similarly, you have emotional expenses right just like
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your finances. It's important for you, it's essential for you to manage your
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financial resources. It's important for you to manage your emotional resources because that's going
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to help you live a balance and fulfilling life. So let's talk about the
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emotional expenses. Emotional expenses. Think about these things just like financial but these
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are the things that take a toll on the various aspects of your life and
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your overall well being and over time. Just like your financial expenses, these
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emotional expenses can accumulate and they can lead you to burn out. They can
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lead you to emotional stress. Because we talked about financial stress, it can
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lead you to exhaustion, and all of that can happen if you leave that
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unchecked. The reason why this emotional expense came up is because each week you
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hear me talk about making a deposit in the bank of you. If we're
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making deposits, that means that there are some expenses, there are some things
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that are coming out of that account, and I want us to account for
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those things. I want us to look at those things that are those things
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that are spending down our emotional budget. And some of those things are going
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to be very familiar when I started talking about them. Number One, work
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related stress job demands. Maybe you started a new job, maybe you are
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tired of the job you're in. Maybe you're working on a big project.
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I don't know what it is that you're doing, but you have demands at
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work, and those demands can come by way of projects, by people,
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by lack of resources. There are so many different things. Maybe you're in
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an environment where you are not supported, you are not allowed to express yourself,
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and those things, those people, those circumstances can deplete your emotional resources,
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and you see why you're walking out, leaving bankrupt for the day.
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You're walking out with a deficit, a negative expense on your emotional budget.
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And so that's what we got to uncover. The other one is a big
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one. Relationships. You know, we are in a relationship with all kinds
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of people. Maybe you're married, maybe you have a boyfriend, girlfriend,
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but sometimes those things have setbacks and breakups, and some other relationships you're in
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and hopefully you're no longer in, can be toxic. Those types of relationships,
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and even the ones that aren't toxic, maybe you're just working at being
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better in a relationship, you are in a different season in your relationship.
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Those things can be emotionally draining. Again, another subtraction out of your emotional
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expense. And I don't think we think about these very often because we just
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these are intangible things like your budget, your financial budget. There is a
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debit side and a credit side, there is a bank account and a savings
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account. There are all these different ways for us to invest and do all
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these things right, and we can tangibly see where your money's going. In
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this space of emotional budgeting emotional expenses, we don't talk, we don't see
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it, and I want to bring it to the forefront because I don't think
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you understand how much you do, who you are there for, and how
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these things can literally drain you and there is no more motion behind the emotion.
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You are left just empty. And I don't want that for you.
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I don't want that for me. And so that's why this conversation is really
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crucial. So we talked about work stress, we talked about relationship issues.
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Some of us are dealing with health challenges, right Maybe you're overweight, maybe
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you're underweight, maybe you're dealing with a chronic health condition. Those things in
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themselves can lead to emotional expenses. They can lead to emotional and physical pain
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for that matter. So that's another one of those things. You might be
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dealing with a loss or grief in your life right now. Maybe it's a
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family member, maybe it's a job loss. There's a lot going on in
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the marketplace right now, and so we are hearing talks of recession and all
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of those things. Maybe you're worried about the economy. Maybe you're worried about
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your own financial life right now. Maybe your financial life is not where it
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needs to be, and that can take an emotional toll. It can really
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significantly impact your emotional well being. Again, more subtractions out of that account.
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And then another big one that we all do. I'm gonna say me
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because there are times that I get here is self criticism. And that's a
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really big one. That's an internal work that we need to think about that
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we don't think about when we think about emotional stress and emotional expenses, negative
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self talk, constant self doubt, and focusing so much on perfectionism, which
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I have warned and warned and giving you the wisdom to wisen up and focus
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on your progress and not perfection, because perfectionism, first of all, it
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really is a figment of imagination to believe that perfection is what you need to
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produce. What you need to produce is steps that lead to progress. You
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need progression, not perfection. But again in the space of emotional expenses,
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these criticisms of ourself, the criticism you have of yourself, can lead to
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again more emotional drain and strength. So that's why you need an emotional budget.
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You need a certain amount of emotional resources and you need to allocate those
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resources accordingly. Otherwise you are just spreading yourself away too thin emotionally, you
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can't be there for yourself. And if you are a parent, if you
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are a child caring for a parent, whatever it is, there is someone
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in your life. No matter what kind of life you're living, somebody's relying
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on you. But the first and most important person that is relying on you
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is you. You need to show up for you, and it's going to
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be hard to do that if you have nothing left today, I want you
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to take some inspired action and get a written plan. Just like you would
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for a financial budget, get a written plan for your emotional budget. This
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is very, very important. So this is where the pen and paper will
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come out. If you already haven't taken it out, go ahead and take
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it out now, because I want you to write this down so much so
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that this conversation I don't think we can wrap up in one episode. And
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I want to make sure that you write these things out and start working on
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some things. We need an emotional budget. It's going to be your tool.
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Is going to help to ensure that you are working towards your wellbeing,
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your emotional wellbeing, making sure that you can handle the challenges that life will
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come at you with. Because the thing about it is a lot of these
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things I've talked to you about are just like things you're dealing with, whether
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it's your health or your work. But there are things that get thrown at
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you throughout the day, right that phone call, that text message, the
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email, even the news. Sometimes these things impact you emotionally as well.
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Right, So you're already dealing with like the regular stuff life, your relationships,
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blah blah blah, and then you get curveballs. And so it's important
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to have a plan because it's going to help you maintain your emotional budget.
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And I think I'm just gonna give you like four this time, and then
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we're going to continue this conversation because I don't want to dump it all on
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you right now. I want to give you some time to get it taken
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in then digest it, because it's a lot. First of all, you
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want to set clear goals. What are your emotional goals your priorities, meaning,
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what are the things that you wish to minimize in your life? What
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are the things you want to minimize? Maybe you get angry too quickly,
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Maybe you get stressed out too quickly. Maybe you are an overthinker on everything
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that also can stress you out right because it keeps you from progressing right,
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because you're working on being more perfect, because you're working on being more perfect
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than being and taking those steps towards progression. So I want you to identify
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the things that you want to minimize, and that I want you to identify
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the things you want to cultivate more of. What are the emotions you want
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to cultivate more of. Maybe you have a gratitude goal, something as simple
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as making sure that whenever you get stressed, whenever you get into that place
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of anger, or you get into this place where you're frustrated, you find
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three things to be grateful for. Think about some really practical things. The
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fact that I'm driving my car to work, the fact that I have a
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roof over my head, the fact that I woke up and I was able
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to take care of myself. So I want you to think about those simple,
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everyday things and set a gratitude goal. You can also set a happiness
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goal. What are the things that make you happy? Was the let me
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ask you this. When was the last time you focused on things that made
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you happy? Maybe you like to garden. When was the last time you
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went gardening? Or you took care of your plans. When I think about
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those things, I think about my mother. Because my mother raised seven children.
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One of the places I found her very often was in her garden.
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And it took me years to recognize because I thought, for me, I
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looked at what she did as work. I'm like, you got seven kids.
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You've just been cooking and cleaning and helping the kids with the homework and
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doing all the things. And now you're in the garden and you're gardening.
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I'm talking to my mother is like bent over, hunched over, digging out
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the weeds, doing all the things, and I'm thinking, this is a
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lot. What I didn't realize was that that activity brought her joy. And
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although she wasn't writing down a emotional budget. I recognized years later. Obviously
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these were her emotional priorities. When she got stressed out, she went naturally
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to do the thing that helped her to generate and cultivate that happiness. And
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that's what I want you to think about. You can think about my mom
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if you want to, but I want you to think about the thing that
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brings you joy and go do that thing. Make time to do that thing.
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So write down that and those goals. Okay, that's number one.
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Number two, I want you to assess right now your current emotional state.
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I want you to take time to reflect on your current emotional state, meaning
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the situations, the people in your life, around your life, and the
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activities that trigger various emotions in you. Let me give you an example of
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this. There are certain people, and I know you know this, that
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when their number pops up on your phone, you pause because you're like,
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you know what, I don't have room for this. I don't have emotional
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space to have this conversation, to be in this arena with that person.
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That is an example of assessing your current emotional state, because you know,
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in that moment you're already dealing with some stuff you're already digesting some stuff and
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this person calls you, and you make a decision not to pick up the
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phone. You know why, because you understand that in your current emotional state,
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that person will trigger you beyond. I want you to make a list
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of the people, the places, the circumstances, the situations that trigger you
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into a space of emotional weakness, into a space of emotional drain. That's
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one side of it, right. The other side of it is I want
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you to make a list of the people that what I call they pour into
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your cup, they don't take away from your cup. These are the people
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that are givers. Think of one column as takers. When they call,
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they want something, They want your attention, they want your time, they
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need your talent. And these people over here are simply saying, what can
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I do for you? How can I help you? How can I serve
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you? And I'm not saying I want you to be a taker, but
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I want you to recognize what you need in an emotional state, so that
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you don't give when you don't have enough resources to give, or you allow
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people to take when you don't even have anything to give. So that's what
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the purpose of understanding your emotional state and understanding those things that emotionally make you
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weak or drain you, and those things that emotionally strengthen you or give you
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more so that you can go do something. The next one is to identify
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emotional resources. What are the resources and activities that help you positively contribute to
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your emotional well being? What are the things that you need to do.
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Is it the time you spend with people? Is it being mindful of what
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you're doing for me? I'll give you an example of this, my emotional
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resource to get recharged, so to speak. This is how I look at
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it. Emotional resource is a way to recharge is to go for a walk.
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It is the quickest, easiest, simplest way for me to get emotionally
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recharged. Fourth one that I have for you today is to get professional help.
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Seek professional help. Seek support. Now, I'm a big believer in
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praying. I love to pray. Prayer is a great way to connect with
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God for me. It's also a great way for me to practice my faith.
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Along with prayer, I think you need to go get help, professional
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help, and on this podcast, I can help you understand what you're thinking,
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why you're thinking, and what you need to do to go beyond that,
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and that beyond today is to get help, to get professional help.
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You may have a trusted friend, but lately I've been hearing people talk about
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friendships that are not so great. You may have a family member, but
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sometimes family is not the right arena and avenue to take this. So I
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would recommend a therapist. I would recommend a therapist because you can get the
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guidance you need, you can get the sports you need, you can get
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the encouragement you need, and some of you need accountability to help you manage
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your way through your emotional resources. Meaning sometimes you don't know how to set
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your boundaries. And sometimes you set your boundaries, but you don't know how
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to uphold your boundaries. So those are some of the things you need from
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a therapist that can help you walk through that and understand why do you set
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boundaries that you tear down. Those are very important things. So I hope
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you capture these down. I'm going to include these in the show notes.
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I really want you to spend time doing these things. I want you to
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spend time creating an emotional budget, and we're going to build on that.
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Like I said, this episode is just the beginning of a conversation. We
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need to have in detail so that you can be detailed with your budget because
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this is something we don't talk about. This is something that you probably have
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never done. I don't want to dump it all on you, but I
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want to begin the framework of doing this work. The reason why I want
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you to write this down is because we need to get into practice. We
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get better with practice. We make better decisions with practice. We have improved
25:07
behavior with practice. We gain greater self confidence with practice. When we practice,
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we take inspired action. We don't just do right. We take action
25:23
that's inspired because we spend time in practice. When we practice, what we
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get on the other side is more success. We generate success. And when
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we practice, especially practicing the emotional budget exercise that we are doing today and
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we will continue to do in the next episode, we become better emotional beings.
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We improve our emotional well being. And that's what I want for you.
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I want you to recognize that this emotional budget is an ongoing process.
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It's an ongoing process where you become and you will become more self aware.
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You're gonna have to practice, though this is not going to happen overnight.
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You're probably gonna need the next one hundred and sixty eight hours to do this
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work and be more aware so that you can be more adaptable, because you're
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gonna need to adapt to what this is and how you need to use it
26:25
to improve your emotional wellbeing and improve your life in general. So we're just
26:30
getting started. I know this is a lot, but you got this.
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You've got this, just like you have a budget for your finances, and
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if you don't, I'm going to encourage you to do that too, because
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we need to be well balanced people, and so it's going to require you
26:45
to get the emotional budget, get the financial budget, create the essentials in
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that so that you can maintain a balanced lifestyle so that you can become more
26:57
enriched. So we'll talk more next week, but for now, let's do
27:02
this work because the only way this works is when you do the work.
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I hope you enjoyed this week's episode of the Urine Ritzub podcast. And the
27:14
only way I'm gonna know this is if you leave me some feedback. Feedback
27:17
is a gift and it is free to give, and I would like to
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hear from you. I would like to know what resonated with you regarding this
27:23
week's episode. Now here's how you leave feedback on the platform in which you
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listen to this podcast. Follow the stars. When you get there, leave
27:33
a five star rating. But in all seriousness, when you get there,
27:36
you can share your feedback on this podcast and that helps us. And when
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you share your feedback on this podcast and helps others find us in these podcast
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streets. So we would definitely appreciate that you can also share this episode with
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your friends and family right from the podcast. So right from the podcast platform
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in which you're listening to this episode, hit the share button and send it
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to the last three to five people that you spoke with today. Also,
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you can share this on your socials. You can find me primarily on Instagram
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because that's my jam, that's where I am. You can find me at
28:15
my Enriched Self that's m y E N RI c h E D s E
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LF and you can hashtag this episode. You can tag me. I would
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love to hear from you, so you can showcase your friends and families and
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those in the social streets what you're listening to and what's feeding you mind,
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body and spirit. I also want you to check out the show Notes.
28:37
In the show notes we have the affirmation of the week, the quote of
28:40
the week, and there you can also find my Amazon shop. The urin
28:45
Rich Self shop has two items right now, a journal which is the Show
28:51
Up Everyday Journal, as well as the Show Up Everyday Notebook, So check
28:56
those out in my Amazon shops. And finally, what you can from this
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episode and do what you must in the next one hundred and sixty eight hours
29:06
so that you can become more of your enriched self until we meet again.