Latest / The Pressing Play Podcast / S2 E5 Pressing Play on Are You Losing Yourself or Finding Yourself Again in Perimenopause?
Transcript
- IMG 5342 (2): hello, my name's Jo Fiddy. I am the host of the Pressing Play podcast and welcome to the show. It's lovely to have you here. Not only is it November and absolutely gloomy outside, I'm looking out of my window and it's completely gray. The clocks have gone back, everything's dark, everyone's a bit, mmm. So Stress Awareness Week and the podcast is coming out right now which is Stress Awareness Day and this is what I want to talk about with you in this solo episode. Talking about the stress that you can feel as your body is changing in perimenopause on top of everything else that's going on in your life. I want to talk about that quiet kind of stress that perimenopause brings to the table. That feeling of what is happening to me. And that could be brain fog, losing your words mid-sentence, not remembering why you walked in a room. going to have that meeting and suddenly not feeling as confident anymore and that your anxiety is rising. Maybe you can't drive at night anymore, you feel more anxious. It could be feeling really tired, doing everything for everybody else and having to remember everything all of the time and that mental load going on and on and on. Who else just wants their own space right now? Who else just wants to be on their own and feel like they are biting their tongue? They want to say something, but they think, no, I shouldn't. Anyone else feeling that way too? And underneath all of that noise is like a quiet question. What is happening to me? And where have I gone? Now, in this episode, I want to talk about that because I really want to empower you with that question because you're not disappearing. You're not fading away. In actual fact, you are finding yourself again. before we dive into that, let's just have a quick chat about the science. We now know. that the brain is a starring role in the perimenopausal menopausal journey. It's phenomenal, our brain. It's absolutely phenomenal. And in fact, I think if your brain went to, imagine, an HR department and... It wanted to tell HR a couple of things. I bet it would say, can you please nourish me and take care of me? Stop pushing me so hard. I want some breaks and can you just speak a little bit nicer to me? And please take care of me because your brain is going through a major, major renovation and it needs more love and nourishment than ever before. and we're putting that brain under so much pressure aren't we? So much stress. Especially when we forget things in perimenopause. Right. Because not just the symptom It's how those symptoms make us feel and how that impacts us in ourselves and how that can knock our confidence. Now... There's a wildly encouraging perspective. and it completely flips the script entirely. Okay, I'm gonna bring up the work of Dr. Mindy Pelz. Her book, Age Like a Girl, is amazing. Everyone should read this book. Dr. Mindy Pelz, if you're watching by any means, please come on my pod. Right, Dr. Mindy Pelz brings together these hormonal brain changes with the work of psychologist, Carol Gilligan. on how girls lose their authentic voices. Mindy Pelz points out that a young girl, maybe around say, seven, eight, nine, knows exactly what she wants. She'll state her preferences without hesitation. So looking at the work of Carol Gilligan, if you asked a group of girls, are you hungry? And they'll say, yes. They'll say, yes, a cheese sandwich. And boys will say the same, but. As girls move into puberty and looking at the work of Carol Gilliam again, if you ask the girls, are you hungry? They will actually look around the room. And the appointed leader, so to speak, will decide as a collective if the girls are hungry. So they will say yes or no to that cheese sandwich. While the boys, they just say yes to the cheese sandwich. They know when they're hungry, which I just find really fascinating. so Pelz points out that a young girl, knows exactly what she wants and she'll state her preference without hesitation. But as she approaches puberty, estrogen surges and interacts with oxytocin to build what Pelz calls a relational brain. So suddenly she is biologically wired for social bonding. and caregiving. So what will happen is she learns to check on everyone else, see how everyone else is putting everyone's needs before her own and going into that conditional caregiving mode. Then comes perimenopause. And what I love is Dr. Mindy Pelz gives a really exciting interpretation of this stage. It isn't a decline. It is not a decline. It's a massive period of brain pruning and reorganization, preparing women for greater independence, authority, and authentic leadership, which I absolutely love. It raises a wonderful question. What if this isn't you losing yourself? Could this be your biological opportunity to reconnect with the voice you had when you were eight years old, before the hormonal shift? and years of social conditioning that taught you to put yourself last on the list. Now, neuroscientist Dr Lisa Mosconi also backs this up. She talks about perimenopause and the menopause transition being a biological renovation and your brain is rewiring itself for the next act. So imagine this, imagine that for the first time in so long, you're hearing your own preferences. clearly again. You're hearing yourself clearly again, your own voice about what you actually want before all the hormones kicked in. But this time you have this incredible voice, this incredible true authentic voice with wisdom, experience and boundaries that you've gained since childhood. And don't know about you, but I find that so exciting. how exciting is that possibility? So think about your eight-year-old self for a moment. You know, what interested her? What did she love to do? What did she enjoy before she started wondering if she's good enough? Now how easily can you answer those questions today? You probably know everyone's, favorite meal. You know where your partner wants to sit in a restaurant But if someone asks you, what do you enjoy? Do you genuinely need a minute? And I'm saying that without judgment. Because you've had decades of listening to everyone else. and yeah, it might feel uncomfortable when that voice speaks up because your confidence has taken a hit or maybe you lose a word and think, who am I to speak up? Who am I to say this? And we shrink ourselves down. But I'm empowering you, my loves, to take up space and to trust yourself again. and your gorgeous intuition that you have inside. So here's something to begin today. Ask yourself, what do I need? What do I need? And give yourself a full minute to really answer without self-editing what everyone else wants you to be and start to think, what do you need? Write it down. What do I need? What do I want? What do I want for myself? What brings me joy? Because another thing dopamine drops in perimenopause and the best way to bring that back is the power of play. You can boost your own dopamine doing things that make you feel good. Joy, connection. being with your friends, dancing, whatever it is. So I'd also say, prioritize your fun, prioritize your joy. What do I need? What do I want? And what brings me joy? Now, if you're still feeling a little bit stressed, there's still a lot going on. I absolutely hear you because we're told so much about stress, but no one really gives us the tools to deal with it, to support us. And this is where, for those who follow me know, this is where tapping comes in. Now I've created a free series called Tap With Jo on YouTube. And there you can follow videos with me. You just sit and you tap along at home. There's tapping for overwhelm, tapping for stress. There's also explaining what stress does to the perimenopausal brain. There's also videos on how to do EFT, that's emotional freedom techniques. And it's just a lovely resource there to support you. And if you want to go deeper, and if you're looking for some one-on-one support, book a session with me. That's 90 minutes together online, and you can find that at jofiddy.com Thank you so much for tuning in. Listen to that voice and always keep pressing play.