Latest / The Expert Method / Nobody Cares About Your Life Story
Transcript
- speaker-0: The reader needs a reason to pick up your book, especially if you're not famous. They don't know who you are, so why do they care about your story? The reader does need to go first. because ultimately after you finish writing your story, the people who are gonna keep that story alive are going to be the readers. speaker-1: Today's guest is Dr. Rhonda Lawson. Rhonda is an author, literary strategist, and former Army journalist who helps people turn their experiences into stories readers actually want to follow. In our conversation, we talk about how to write your story so it matters to someone else, why the reader has to come first, and how isolating the right details, failures, and turning points can make a personal story so much more powerful. If you get value from this conversation, be sure to subscribe and share it with a friend. And now please enjoy my conversation with Dr. Rhonda Lawson. Dr. Rhonda Lawson, thank you so much for being here. speaker-0: Thank you for having me. speaker-1: Absolutely. Looking forward to our conversation. So, Aronda, one of the topics that you suggested, and I've heard you talk about in other episodes and conversations that you've had is the idea that nobody cares about your life story. Right. And I liked that because I don't hear that so much as a saying that people's lived experience and their story doesn't matter. Right. I hear it almost more of like a challenge to the people writing, right? Who are who want to tell their story, who want to put their story out there. And I don't think this even has to be the big ambitious idea of writing your life's memoir, right? this is stuff that we share every day and smaller bite-sized content, right? So just nobody cares about your story. And I can see that as a challenge, right? Having experience and turning it into a story that somebody else can really connect with are two very different things. So what turns a personal experience into a story that other people care about? speaker-0: Well, first of all, I always tell people, and I know it almost stings when you say that nobody cares about your story, but I tell people that because there are people and I I remember the first time I was asked to edit a guy's life story, and he started from the time he was born as a baby, and he wanted to talk about his life almost every year up until his current age. And The reader doesn't really understand where you're going with that. The reader needs a reason to pick up your book, especially if you're not famous, if you're not Kevin Hart or Bernie Mack or whomever, they don't know who you are, so why do they care about your story? However, if you have a very powerful message, if let's say you you made it from zero to six figures in a year. Somebody wants to know how you did that. If you were on if you were on the streets somewhere and, you know, for instance, pursuit of happiness, he was homeless and he went from being homeless to being very wealthy. And so how did he do that? I want to know that. So if you have a message that a reader can not only identify with, but be inspired by. That's what they want to hear. So when you get ready to tell your story, everything that you tell people should center around that main message that you want to give people. And when you do that, that's what's going to get more people to read your book. And more people are going to be inspired by your story because there's somebody out there who's probably going through the same thing that you're going through, but they think they can't make it. But you were able to overcome that. So sharing your story on how you were able to overcome is going to inspire that person who's still trying to get through it. speaker-1: Mm. Yeah, so it sounds like you almost need to be selective in where you start, right? And where you're starting is the confrontation with a problem that you ultimately overcame, but you're getting clear on that problem that you faced, that mountain that you climbed, right? What did the base of that mountain? What did the beginning and the origin of that problem look like, right? That and that's what's going to resonate with the reader, right? They're going to be able to see themselves. And recognize that problem because they face the same thing in their life. speaker-0: Absolutely. When I'm when I was an Army journalist, one of the things that we taught our up and coming writers was an acronym we call with What's in it for me? If you tell the reader right away what's in it for them, and then you let they you're able to latch on to their collar and not let that collar go until the last word, you're essentially giving it to giving to them what's in it for them. They know right away why they need to read this book and why they need to keep reading this book. So you can't give them a hook at the very beginning and then let them off like toward the middle. You have to be able to keep hitting them and hitting them and hitting them. Like G Gary V always says, jab jab jab right hook. So you're gonna give them a jab, you're gonna give them a jab, you're gonna give them a jab, and then you give them the right hook. You're keeping them the entire time, but you've got to start with that very strong hook at the very beginning that's going to keep them wanting to not only picking up the book but continuing to read the book. speaker-1: Yeah. Is there anything to be said, any best practices, things that you've learned about, how to effectively present that problem, right? That initial hook right out of the gates? speaker-0: I go way back to the olden days when we were in school and our teachers told us to make word sentences or sentence trees, I should say. You make a sentence tree or you would make like this big bubble in the middle of your page. So to start off with a white page, or maybe even a whiteboard, a dry erase board or something that you can draw on and then make a big circle. And inside of that circle Think about the message that you want to give. If you're not sure of the message, then maybe take another piece of paper and write down ten things that people would be inspired by you for. Maybe you started off as a troubled kid who retired from the army as a command sergeant major. So In some kind of way you had to have changed your life. If you were a troubled kid and now you're a command sergeant major. So maybe that's one thing. How I how I became a command sergeant major. And I say that I was in the army, so that's always gonna be one of my I one of my examples. Or maybe you're a business owner and you had you had no idea how to get your customers. Now all of a sudden you've come up with a system that's helped people to be attracted to you and they're buying from you and you were able to turn that struggling business into a multimillion dollar company. And I know I'm using extreme examples, but you can think of all of those different messages that you want to give. Maybe you were on drugs and you were able to overcome that and you're you're now a Christian or maybe vice versa. Why you stopped being a Christian and why you're doing what you're doing now. Whatever it is. But you write down those ten things and then Once you've written down those ten things, you think about the message that you want to tell that's related to those ten things. Or written like each number one has its own message, number two has its own message. Once you figure out, okay, I can talk the longest about number five. Okay, so maybe number five is gonna be my message. You take that you write down that message in the circle that you drew on the other piece of paper, and then you start to make your rays. So now your circle's gonna look like a sun. you just make your different rays throughout the around the circle. And each of those rays, at the end of each of those rays, should be something about your life that is connected to that message that you want to give. And so let's say you do ten of those rays, fifteen of those rays, each of those rays can be a different chapter in your book. When you make the rays, maybe you make another little sub ray. Coming from that one from that one ray. And those are going to be three subjects that have to do with the the one thing that's related to the message that you want to give. So what you're doing basically is outlining your story, but you're doing it in a way that doesn't feel like outlining. You're just kind of brainstorming right now. And once you've done that, you have actually outlined your book and you're ready to start writing. And then when you get to the writing piece of it, people always say, Well, I don't know what to write. I don't I don't know where to start. I don't know where to end. And I always tell people, write until you can't write anymore. Don't worry about trying to edit yourself. Don't worry about where things should go. Because what you're doing right now is getting that idea, that story out of your head and onto paper. And when you start to make your outline, That circle with your little rays and everything. What you're doing now is you're starting to think back. You're starting to remember things more. So when you when you first remember something, you're you're like, this is the general thing that I remember. But when you really start thinking on that something, you start to think about those little details that you might have forgotten. Or I know one time I use this example a lot when my parents were in the Air Force. We were stationed in Italy. When I used to look at that house that we lived in, I thought of it as a huge house, a huge stone house, but that was really big and I remember all of the little rooms in it. But years later, as an adult, I went back to see that same house, and the house wasn't as big as I remembered. It wasn't as far away from the base as I remembered. I remembered it being further down. the only thing I think I actually accurately remembered about that house was that it was white. Other than that, I didn't everything that I thought I remembered wasn't there anymore because sometimes I memory is not the same as reality. So you you can't when you start to write your story, you can't just depend on memory. Maybe when you start actually doing your outline, You might have to do a little research. Let me look at some magazines or some newspapers from back in that time. Or let me read or let me read something that had to do it. for instance, if you were going to write about COVID. But you remember about COVID and what actually happened during COVID? Maybe two different things. So maybe you have to go back and read some articles or read some or go to some social media posts or some websites that give that give more insight. on COVID. And so now you're telling your story, but you're also giving some historical background to go with it, which adds more meat to your story. speaker-1: Yeah. speaker-0: So this this is really helping you to build your book. It's not just by memory, it's not just by academia, but you have to put those two things together to come up with a more powerful story. speaker-1: I love it. Yeah. And it what I'm hearing and what's sitting with me is this idea that this process that you're laying out for us is it's giving us permission to be imperfect, right? Like the whole thing is just giving us permission to be imperfect, which can really lower the the walls that we build up for ourselves, or at least maybe I'm just projecting myself into this situation. Or it's like, yeah, like I feel like I need to be absolutely perfect and it needs to be great. And it's just never going to start that way. It's never going to come out that way. And when you give yourself permission to be imperfect, you really give yourself permission to just start and and get going. And then in that process is when, you're going to start the process of taking this thing that's in your memory, taking these ideas that you have in your head and translating them into the page, into into words. And there's something so magical about that process in itself is just it builds upon itself. there's a momentum of its own when you initiate that process. And then, who knows where it goes. we're we're talking about a very creative endeavor, which is, telling a story and writing something or creating some kind of content where there's no straight line from start to finish. And, maybe you like you talked about, okay, I don't really remember much about that s situation. Maybe I'm going to go do some more research or Something that could be fun is okay, maybe it's a part of my story. I'm gonna call some other people that were involved and talk to them about the situation. what do they remember? And then, you just the permission to be imperfect out of the gates gives you the permission to start and begin building that momentum, which is what's gonna carry you through. speaker-0: Absolutely. And another thing about giving yourself permission to be imperfect is that sometimes we feel like we have to put ourselves on a pedestal. We have to have it all together. Nobody's gonna want to hear my story unless I give them all of my successes. And I never give them any of my failures. If I give them my failures, they're gonna think that I'm not great and they're not gonna wanna hear my story. But there are people who are trying to make it. And they want to know that you might have made some of the mistakes that they made. So that way they don't feel like they're in this by themselves. So it's okay to be a bit more transparent. Let people know, yeah, I made these mistakes as I was trying to get to this position that I was in. Because now you actually are making yourself a bit more aspirational. wow, he made some of the same mistakes that I made. Maybe I'm maybe I'm not so crazy after all. And so there's gonna That's gonna make them want to continue to read your story because they want to know how you overcame those mistakes that you made. speaker-1: Yeah. Yeah. The raw, those wounds, right, those mistakes made in the process are really where the connection is built. Right. speaker-0: And taking accountability. Yeah. Because I've seen I've read some books where people have said, I made this mistake, but I only made this mistake because I was misled, or I only made this mistake because somebody did this or that. It is okay to say I didn't listen. And because I didn't listen, I made these mistakes. I lost this amount of money. Or I I didn't follow my first mind. Or it's okay to say you made a mistake. It's okay to show your reader that you're not perfect. speaker-1: Yeah. Yeah. And that's an idea that extends beyond just being a principle of reader engagement. They taking accountability, builds trust and you Yeah. Like it the like there's I'm thinking back to the stories that I've read and it's the the people who admit their faults and kind of share those imperfections, right? That I really connect with. And then when you see them take accountability for that one, it's a way where I will connect more with them and admire them more. And two, it demonstrates, a a core principle of, you know, pursuit and achievement of anything, right, is accountability over your situation. so there's a lot to that idea. And yeah, again, just like lingering on the idea of letting it all hang out, like just being raw with it is like nobody is perfect and nobody's gonna resonate with perfect, right? So the sharing your wounds and sharing the mistakes made and taking accountability for those. I could see how that comes into play. Again, and I can't stop thinking about the idea that this doesn't only apply with writing a book, right? Writing your memoir, but it's just putting yourself out there and sharing your story in whatever vehicle, whatever medium you may choose to do that. I think these principles apply to any medium. speaker-0: Absolutely. Absolutely. and like you said, any any medium it happens to be, it's okay to say you made a mistake. Right now I think there's a huge trend on Instagram right now. I think it's called my flops. It's a video or pictures of the subject just sitting there smiling. But these are the mistakes that I made. I'm I created content that didn't go anywhere or I lost a million dollars. they're what they're doing is they're they're actually being truthful about the mistakes that they made in their journey. Some of them said these are the mistakes that I made in 2026. And it would be like five, ten mistakes that they've made. And I it just goes to show it's quite all right. one thing I like are the ladies who do the decorating. And when you look at their Instagram feed, everything looks so beautiful and perfect, like nobody lives there. And then I saw one lady say she kinda turned her camera and said, This is what it looks like on this side though. And you see toys everywhere, the baby's food is all over the place. You know. She wants to show people, yeah, I might be a designer, but I'm human as well. And I think that made so many people feel a little bit better about their houses that don't look as perfect as the ones that they see on Instagram. speaker-1: Yeah. I love that. That's I hope that trend continues because I think one of the obviously the negative effects of social media has been the immediate, you know, obviously we're we're early on in in figuring out this technology of how to live with this technology that is social media. And early on in our relationship and how we use social media was putting out this really perfect, you know, polished aesthetic version of ourselves out on the internet because that's what we, you know, wanted other people to believe about ourselves. And it just is not the way, not very representative of the human condition, right? Like nobody lives a life that is aesthetically pleasing like all the time. So I think that's wonderful. speaker-0: House will look this perfect as some of the house. speaker-1: Yeah. It'd be like five minutes and then it's like, okay, I actually have to live, you know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I'm the same way. Yeah, that's a interesting analogy for for life, you know. Living is messy, right? It's I don't know. There's something there maybe. But you talked about the idea too, so just to kind of underline this point, right? The Life story, right? Like a diary, a sequence of events of your life isn't the story that you should tell. It's the the mountain that you climbed, right? And there's many small little mountains in the pursuit of reaching whatever mountaintop it is that your your message, right? Your core message. And it sounded like earlier, like you made you made the point that in the story that you ultimately tell, all of the content, the messaging throughout the journey, it it needs to serve that larger message, right? Everything else needs to hit the cutting room floor. And it sounds like, just correct me if I'm wrong. So you take this big message, this big mountain that you climb, this big problem that you solved in your life, and you break it down into the smaller kind of battles throughout throughout the way. Is that right? speaker-0: Mm-hmm. Yeah, right. There may be some battles that you had to face that lead to that main point. And there's nothing wrong with that. those those are like your subplots. You have your main plot and then you have your subplots. It's okay to touch on your subplots if they are part of the journey to the main plot. speaker-1: Yeah. Just don't go off on random tangents and things like that. speaker-0: Right, right. speaker-1: Yeah. With the going back to the idea of that hook, right? That opening introduction, like the the presentation of the problem, right? The hooking, the big hook out of the beginning of the gates. Like do you typically like to throw the user right into the story? Or I imagine it probably depends a lot on the the core message being told. But like when you're working with an author or you're working on a a story of your own, how do you make a decision on And how to introduce that, initial core problem or that message, right? How do you frame and and present the the hook, that big hook out of the gates? speaker-0: That's a great question. I think sometimes it depends on whatever that core message is that you're trying to share. I mean, I've read some stories where they started from the beginning and I'm like and I was reading it like, you get to the point, police. You know, they they were just taking so long to get to why I wanted to read your story in the first place. So I really think it just depends because there are some other times where I need some backstory because I need to understand why you got to where you were. One thing I love about Kevin Hart's memoir, I don't know if you've had a chance to read it, but he did start when he was a kid, but everything seemed to lead to why he became a comedian. he talked about when he was a kid, he talked about his teen life. And you know, how he was getting in trouble and and fell out of school and everything because because of his mouth, basically. but it all kind of led to him being a comedian. You might in your heart believe that you're leading up to this point. But if your reader is getting kind of bored with the story because you're still trying to make yourself feel more special than you actually were, and I don't mean that in a bad way, but sometimes we We make it seem like we were born for a purpose and I always knew I was a special child and when you start to lead yourself that way, it just sounds like you're trying to put yourself onto a pedestal. Sometimes we just want you to tell your story. We just want you to be. So it's okay to lead up to that point. But when you find yourself spending a little too long on that backstory and you you're almost through the whole book and you haven't gotten to that main point yet. It may be time to peel back some layers and just come back a little bit. Yeah. speaker-1: And this brings me to an idea that's seeming to be a recurring theme with many of the people that I talk to here on this podcast across so many different domains. But it's making me think of this idea that, you know, as funny as it sounds, your story, this book, whatever it is that you're creating, isn't about you, right? It's about serving the audience. It's about serving the reader. Right. So you're not writing this story For you, maybe it feels good, maybe you maybe it's something that you really want to do, but it sounds like you need to take the frame and understand that this you're doing this to serve the audience, right? And serving the audience doesn't mean giving them eighty pages of unnecessary background context because you want to put your story out there, right? speaker-0: That that's absolutely correct. And so often when clients come to me and they say they want to write their story, I always ask them why do they want to write their story? Is this something so you can have something published and in your hand so you can give it to your kids or your grandkids one day and they can know all about their grandparent who did these great things, or do you want to write a story that you want to sell? Because Your answer is going to determine how I coach you in your story. speaker-1: Hmm. Yeah. And yeah, I think the idea of when they when I would assume that when they wanna write the story and they want it to, you know, sell, they you have to kind of coach them through the process of putting that reader first. speaker-0: Exactly. The reader does need to go first. because ultimately, after you finish writing your story, the the people who are gonna keep that story alive are going to be the readers. You want somebody to say, you have got to read this book. I was so I was so cha this book changed my life. I was so inspired by what she or he said. But that's not gonna happen if there's a bunch of unnecessary fluff in the book. speaker-1: Absolutely. Well, Doctor Rana, this was a wonderful conversation. Would love to have you back on again because I know that, you know, there's only so much we can cover in in a half hour. And telling your story effectively is yeah, I mean just effective storytelling alone is one of those meta abilities that can be applied in so many different arenas, but the ability to tell your story eloquently and effectively is only becoming more and more in demand. Yeah, it's just a really powerful skill to have. So I'd love to have you back on. But I have one final question for you. It's a recurring question that I ask every guest. But before we get to that, Doctor Rhonda Lawson, how can people find you? speaker-0: Well, absolutely. First of all, they can find me on my website at w dot mtwimage solutions dot com. That's Meet the World Image Solutions. Mt. W. Image Solutions dot com. I can also be found on TikTok. I can be found on Instagram, Facebook, Threads, Pinterest. I'm on I'm on LinkedIn. You can find me anywhere. Just type in Rhonda Lawson and Meet the World Image Solutions will come up. speaker-1: Amazing. And we'll have all of that linked in the description below. And if anybody listening to this, they've thought about telling their story, they feel like they have, some previous versions of themselves that they could help through their story and sharing how they climbed the mountains, the battles that they have won in their own life. Highly recommend that you get in touch with Doctor Ronda here. Yeah, check out her website and kind of speaks for itself and also through this conversation. But Dr. Rhonda, thank you so much for the time. My final question for you, as I mentioned, is a recurring question that I ask every guest. and it's this if you had a giant billboard that everyone in the world could see for ten seconds with one message to the world, what would it say and why? speaker-0: Wow. I like that question. Are you ready to meet the world? That's what I would ask people. speaker-1: Mm. And w are you ready to re are you ready to meet the world? Why that? speaker-0: Because there are people out there who want to write their story. They want to maybe make a movie or they want to be famous, but often they are not necessarily ready to do it. They may not have put the right things in place. They may they may not know how to tell their s tell their story effectively. Or they may not have put all of their publicity items together. So when I ask people, are you ready to meet the world? Are you prepared? You say you you want to be famous, you want you want to do all of these things, but have you actually prepared yourself for the responsibility that comes along with that? speaker-1: Amazing. Are you ready to meet the world? I love it. Doctor Rhonda, thank you so much for the time. speaker-0: Thank you and have a great one. I appreciate it.