Latest / She Resets: Mindset, Fitness, Confidence / Ep 20: What happens when you don't feel motivated?

Transcript

Ep 20: What happens when you don't feel motivated? · She Resets: Mindset, Fitness, Confidence

• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: Let's revisit motivation.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: So we talked about motivation in episode 15, which was week five of our 12-week mini-series, when we looked at values and the deeper motivation and the what behind the why, the why behind the what.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: We're now five weeks further on, on week 10 of the 12-week reset.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: And if our motivation was still strong five weeks ago, it might be waning now.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: So let's make it easy to refin it and keep it going.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: So you don't need me to tell you that when we start something new, motivation is usually massive.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: You might decide, that's it, I'm doing this, nothing's gonna stop me, nothing's gonna get in my way.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: You've got your plan, you're super duper excited, you're imagining how amazing you're gonna feel when you hit your goal, you do what you set out to do.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: You know, if it's fitness, you might even go and buy new drainers.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: And for a while, everything feels dead easy until it doesn't.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: But you haven't failed.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: You simply have lost your motivation, it's worn off, and that's normal.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: You must know that.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need me to tell you that.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: Motivation is not reliable, it's an emotion.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: Emotions change all the time.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: You can feel incredibly motivated on Sunday evening and completely uninterested by Tuesday morning.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: You can be excited when you're planning your new routine, but exhausted when it's actually time to do it.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: You can genuinely, genuinely want to achieve your goal and want it so much that it's the most important thing to you, but actually still not feel like doing the things that are required to help you achieve your goal.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: And it doesn't make you lazy, just makes you a human.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my goodness, I can't even tell you how much I relate to this.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I like Andy will say to me, right, should we go for a run tomorrow night?
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: I'd be like, Yeah, brilliant, can't wait, yeah, I need to go for a run, yeah, that's amazing, let's do it.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: And then tomorrow night comes around, and I'm like, oh, can't think of anything worse, can't think of anything I'd least like to do.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: But thankfully, because he is him and I have made that commitment, I generally do go, but I go knowing that I will feel better for it, and that's my motivation.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, I don't want to go, I can't think of anything worse than going for a run.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: But when I get back and I've gone back to a normal shade of human being in the face and not be truth, and I've had my shower and I've had a drink, I'll feel amazing.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: So that motivates me.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: But the thought of it doesn't.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: So what do we do?
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: Well, for a start off, let's stop making motivation as big of a deal as it is.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: Like it is not responsible for everything.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: So let's create systems instead.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: So we've already talked about habits, we've already talked about your environment, we've talked about your identity.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: So now we can bring those things together.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because the question isn't how do I make myself feel motivated every single day?
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: It's what will I do when I don't feel particularly motivated?
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's not going to be all the time.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: So make the minimum achievable, like make it off the charts, ridiculously, obviously, and simply achievable.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: So one of my favourite things to do when I'm working with clients is to reduce the task.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: Because a task can feel huge and overwhelming.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: So you've got to break it down.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: You've got to just focus on the next step, the next thing you need to do.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: So if your plan is I'm going to exercise for an hour four times a week, and that feels overwhelming, because it is quite, what's the minimum?
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe the minimum is I'll put my trainers on and on move for 10 minutes.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: But actually, you might end up doing an hour, but you haven't set yourself up to do an hour.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: I went for a run on the treadmill yesterday and I was like, right, I'll just I'll just get started, I'll maybe just do 20 minutes.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: And then I was like, oh, just do a little bit more.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: I'll do half an hour.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: And then at half an hour, so close to 5k, I thought, oh, I'll just do 5k.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't set out to run 5k, I'd set out to just move for 20 minutes.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: So just by agreeing a minimum, you might well find that you exceed it every time.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: So if you do, that's brilliant, but you don't have to.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: You can just do the minimum, because the minimum is better than nothing.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: We're trying to build a habit of showing up, doing something consistently.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe your goal is to walk every day.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: Your minimum could be to just do ten minutes.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: I bet you you won't.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe your goal is to read more, and your minimum could be to just read two pages or one chapter.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: But I bet you don't.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe your goal is to get more organized.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: And your minimum could just be to clear one surface of paperwork.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: So making minimum goals doesn't make them pointless, it just makes them repeatable, and it just gives you something that you'll probably end up doing more of.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: Win-win.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: Love it.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: So another thing is not to spend all day trying to talk yourself into something or trying to like negotiate with yourself.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: Well, if you do that, you can do this.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: Because we can spend hours debating over stuff.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: Should I go?
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: Shouldn't I?
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: Should I do this?
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: Shouldn't I?
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: Should I do that or should I do the other?
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: I'll do it later.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: Actually, I'm tired.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: I'll do it tomorrow.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe I'll do it Monday.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: And suddenly you spend more time deciding what to do and when to do it, then it would actually have taken you to do it, to do your minimum.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: So sometimes you need to make the decision in advance.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: Then it stops you from dithering and um in an R in.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: You know, set your stall out, make an appointment with yourself.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to train on a Tuesday and a Thursday.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: Put it in your diary.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: Write dentist.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: Because then when you see it, you know that you've not got the dentist, but in your unconscious mind, you've blocked that time out because you've got an important appointment.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: So then you see it, I've got the dentist, oh, it's my training time.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: Brilliant, I'll do it.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: Not wait and see how you feel.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you always wait to feel like doing something, then you might never do it.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: Like you're giving control to your mood, to what state you might be in.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're in an unresourceful state, you've then got to work hard to get yourself into that resourceful state to then start to do something.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: So your motivation often follows your action.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: Because we tend to think motivation equals action.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: But often action equals motivation.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: You don't always feel like going for the walk, but you go.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: Ten minutes later, you feel better, you do more.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: So you've taken action and then you found your motivation.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: That was me on the treadmill.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: I took action, I was going to do 20 minutes, but then the motivation took over and I did my 5k.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: So afterwards, you're really glad that you did it.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: You know, when you don't feel like sorting out the thing you've been putting off, but you just do five minutes of it, then suddenly it's not scary.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: And the chances are you'll finish it.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: So don't always wait to feel motivated.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you've just got to do something first.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: So this week, here she goes again.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: This week I've got another little challenge for you.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to decide your minimum.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: So, what are you gonna do this week that's your minimum?
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: If you're tired, what's your minimum?
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I want you to have your goal in mind.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: So, your 12-week goal, what's the minimum that's gonna help you progress towards that 12-week goal?
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: If you're busy, what's the minimum that you're gonna do?
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: If you've had a rubbish day, because they happen, that's life, what's the minimum?
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: Because we don't want perfection, remember?
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: We want progression.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: We want doing something is better than doing nothing.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: And just remember, really, really remember, you don't have to feel motivated to be in control, you just need to know your next step.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_00: Just what you're gonna do next, and then let everything else follow on.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: So, let me know how you get on with that.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: I'd love to hear from you, and I'll catch you next week.